Marry Your Best Friend

Episode 9 - One of us has a wonderful mother-in-law...

• John & Suzanne • Season 1 • Episode 9

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John & Suzanne have been married for 34+ years and one of them has a wonderful mother-in law. 

Join them on this episode as they discuss the unique relationship that one has with a "mother in-law" and also what it's like being a mother-in-law with a new addition to the family. Suzanne also shares about an unexpected experience that resulted in a very fashionable mugshot.

John:

Thank you.

John :

discovered the Marry Your Best Friend podcast. This is episode number nine. I'm John and I'm sitting next to my beautiful wife of 34 years, Suzanne. And well, one of us has a wonderful mother-in-law. I

Suzanne:

think that's me.

John :

You think that's you? I think it's me too. First off, it's been a while since we have actually had a podcast because we did episode eight. We talked about one of us needs more Jesus than the other. And then I said at the end of the show, our next episode is going to be on mother-in-laws. And literally as soon as I hit stop recording, you said we're not doing that episode.

Suzanne:

Yeah, I'm not a fan of that necessarily.

John :

Now part of it is... We are blessed. Both of us have mothers. My mother is 89. Your

Suzanne:

mother is... Yeah.

John :

Well, some people might think that I was created immaculately. But anyway, we both have mothers. And the chance that our mother... First off, our audience for this podcast is not our mothers. We are not targeting 89 or 82-year-old. How old is your mom? 82, something

Suzanne:

like that?

John :

Yeah, 81. So she's early. But anyway, she's younger than my mother. But there's no way in... God's creation that my mother will ever find this podcast or know about.

Suzanne:

She wouldn't know how to do it.

John :

No, she wouldn't know how to do it. She kind of knows how to scroll Facebook. I'm kind

Suzanne:

of thinking maybe you hide this from my mother. Because it would be so many questions.

John :

It would be so many questions. It's just I'm not prepared. I know. And so I... We argued. You said, you're not going to say anything. We can't do a mother-in-law episode because my mother's going to hear it. Somebody's going to show it to her. My cousin Vicki's going to play it to her at church. Something will happen. And somehow your mother-in-law or my mother-in-law would discover this and then it would cause issues.

Suzanne:

It would be somehow... You know, viewed negatively.

John :

Right, right. So I'm not going to talk negatively about my mother-in-law because my mother-in-law loves me.

Suzanne:

She does.

John :

She chose. I'm not going to talk about like when she came. I'm not going to talk about like when they drove 15 hours from Texas to join us for Thanksgiving. She got so mad at me at the Thanksgiving table same day and turned around and drove 15 hours home.

Suzanne:

Yeah. I was taking a nap because I was pregnant.

John :

That's right.

Suzanne:

And didn't even know that they were gone until I had come downstairs. And

John :

then we had this table fully set for Thanksgiving dinner and you're asked about husband was sitting there enjoying a turkey by himself because your mother decided. I'm not going to talk about that. So we're not going to talk about those type things or how your mom likes to talk and not listen. She'll ask you a question and walk away and you still are answering. I'm not going to talk about that. And we're also not going to talk about my mother and how she throws everything away.

Suzanne:

Everything. Everything she throws away.

John :

I don't think people really care that one time she was so helpful in helping you sort through all of your clothes and some of your clothes went to trash and some of the clothes were going to the store Unfortunately, your entire summer wardrobe

Suzanne:

went to the trash. I literally chased the trash man down, called the trash company, not just like to Goodwill. No, no.

John:

Trash.

John :

They were gone.

Suzanne:

Gone forever.

John :

So when it's summer around here, for a couple of years there, you had kind of a thin collection.

Suzanne:

A

John :

lot

Suzanne:

of new accessories. Yeah,

John :

so we're not going to talk about anything like that. We're going to talk about positive things. Because your mother and my mother both knew when we first got married that they thought that we were going to be together. And we've talked about this before.

Suzanne:

You remember on the plane ride back, my mom turned to my dad and said... I feel like we just met our son-in-law. This is it. We met our son-in-law. And it was four years later. I was a freshman in

John :

college and had short... You were super cute. We did talk about that, I think.

Suzanne:

They are

John :

delicious. So, uh, so support the peach truck.com. So going back to this, my parents, my brother lived in Pakistan at the time or India someplace. And we, we were just Pakistan. We just visited him and arranged marriages, uh, There are much fewer divorces in arranged marriages than there are in love marriages.

Suzanne:

I think we were kind of divinely arranged. Yeah,

John :

and so my parents said, wouldn't it be great if we could arrange a marriage with that family that we met on vacation, the Halls, and they loved your family and got to know them. And

Suzanne:

her moms got along, or get along, even now. I mean, you know, older. My dad loved

John :

your mom, and your dad liked my mom. So it was a happy family. But before we got married, your mother loved me. Your mother was like a spiritual mom to me. She would call me, she'd pray with me. She would mentor me. She loved me. Every boyfriend that you had, she was like praying him out of your life. This is true. And my parents always really thought that you were pretty amazing. So Something happened, though, when we got married, and all of a sudden I became your husband and somebody who kind of got in the middle between your relationship. And first off, every man out there, you need to realize you can't get in between that relationship, the mother and the daughter. But you're also a mother-in-law.

Suzanne:

I am, and I'm so excited to be a mother-in-law. I love my daughter-in-law.

John :

We talked about that. We love our daughter-in-law. I mean, my mother-in-law, Athena always called me her mother-in-love. Son-in-love. Son-in-love. And she would always underline that in the birthday card, son in love and exclamation point stuff. And I do love my mother-in-law.

Suzanne:

Well, y'all are a lot alike.

John :

We had our son. We have one son who was married. And hopefully someday the son who we cannot mention his name will be married. But our older son... his first serious girlfriend, we knew would not be the right family for him to marry into.

Suzanne:

That was not a good fit.

John :

No, it wasn't a good fit because she had never, she had never been, her family had never taken her to church and they weren't church people.

Suzanne:

No, but you got a swing and a miss. I mean, you have to practice, but the whole point was

John :

our son really loved this girl, thought she was great, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, this is not the family you marry into a family. And this is not the family that you're supposed to marry into. And he didn't like that. But then when they broke up, he started dating other people. And as soon as he started dating our, Our beautiful daughter-in-law, Natalie, what was amazing about it was he really liked this. Natalie, we've shared this before on a previous episode. The coolest thing was her parents, after they had gone out for a couple of weeks, like I think we had met her once, they called and said, Kids are getting to know each other. They're dating. How about coming over for pizza? And we went over and

Suzanne:

made pizzas. We just thought that was fantastic. And they

John :

were the coolest in-laws. Our son has an awesome mother-in-law, has an awesome father-in-law who love him. They accept him as their

Suzanne:

own. And speak truth to him. They do. When he's not on the up and up, if he's not holding, you know.

John :

And they're gifted differently than we are. And I love it. His father-in-law, Roland, treats him like his own son and just, you know, gives him counsel. He loves being with him. So I think you're a great mother-in-law.

Suzanne:

Well, thanks. I try.

John :

How do you think your daughter-in-law feels about her mother-in-law being a felon?

Suzanne:

Oh, we're going to go there real quick, aren't

John :

we? Okay.

Suzanne:

Right there.

John :

I mean, since our last episode, you were in jail.

Suzanne:

Yeah.

John :

Okay. First off, if you do not know Suzanne, she does look like this. She wears her Johnny Wash. She carries a nice purse. She has nice shoes. She has nice jewelry.

Suzanne:

They put all of this... All of this in handcuffs. And it was a huge mistake.

John :

So hold on. I don't really know the whole story.

Suzanne:

How do you not know the whole story?

John :

Well, because I was the compassionate husband. First off, when you got arrested, I immediately thought

Suzanne:

it was my fault. When you got

John :

arrested. No, no, no. You got arrested.

Suzanne:

We all thought it was your fault. Somehow. Everybody thought it was my fault. Like, I

John :

didn't. I didn't. So we're going to make this public. Suzanne.

Suzanne:

I know. It's the first time I've talked about it, like, out in the open.

John :

I am married. I am married. I'm married to a woman. I'm married to an ex-con, a woman who spent a night in jail. So do you want to tell the story?

Suzanne:

Yeah, I'll tell the story. So the day of, let's just say. What were you

John :

doing? I was in town, actually.

Suzanne:

Yes, which was a miracle, which I think was a total God thing because you were in town. So God's in control of your

John :

incarceration.

Suzanne:

Well, yes, because if you had not have been in town, it might not have gone away so quickly. Yeah.

John :

Cause I'm like

Suzanne:

that. Just went in and was at the hairstylist, got my hair done. I was looking fresh.

Speaker 01:

Hair all done.

Suzanne:

Hair all done. You know, had on cute little outfit, had all the, you know, normal, the jewelry, the whole things. Yeah. Hadn't been very long ago. And I had to come to terms with it, come to grips with it before I could.

John :

Could share. Yeah.

Suzanne:

Yeah. Could talk publicly about this incident. Yeah. So Julian is with me. Right. Okay. So we're in the car. We're coming back from getting my hair done. And I was at a light in downtown Noblesville. And they've redone that area. And I couldn't see in my truck. I couldn't see if I was in the right lane. Well, I was obviously not in the right lane because there was a sheriff behind me. So one lane turns

John :

left. You're in the lane that goes straight. But you think you're supposed to turn left. No, no, no. Oh, you're in the turning lane. You go straight when you're supposed

Suzanne:

to turn. Right, when I'm supposed to turn right. And I needed to go straight. I was headed to the bank. And then we were going to the... club to have lunch and it was the weekend of Natalie's birthday or week of Natalie's birthday. And so, you know,

John :

you just got your hair did.

Suzanne:

Yep.

John :

Hair done. Yep. Hair did. Looking good. Texans say hair did. That's what I'm saying. So you're looking good. You're going to the bank to get some money and then you're going to the country club to

Suzanne:

have to have some lunch. Yeah. With my girlies. And so I get pulled over in the Kroger parking lot and No big deal. I realized I probably should have been pulled over. I mean, I couldn't figure out what lane I was in. And he came over. The policeman was super nice. He asked for all the things. And then he said... Time out.

John :

This is usually when I would be blamed because... Something

Suzanne:

would have been expired. No, no,

John :

no. We have like 17 vehicles registered with the Indian Air Department. Our son always complains that he gets pulled over because of an unpaid ticket that I have or something of that nature because they're all registered.

Suzanne:

And I have been pulled over. And as soon as they see me, they go, oh, you're not obviously Jon Stewart. And they just let you go. There's a ticket up

John :

in Gas City, Indiana that needs to be paid. Anyway, so I'm thinking that's what's happening.

Suzanne:

Yeah. So I get pulled over and he's super nice. Very handsome. Of

John :

course.

Suzanne:

Super cute. Are you Facebook

John :

friends now?

Suzanne:

Yeah, not mad about looking at him. And then he takes my stuff and he comes back. And Jules and I are just kind of talking. You're not mad

John :

about looking at him.

Suzanne:

Yeah, I'm not mad about looking at him. He's kind of nice. And so then. He, um, he comes back and he asked me about my insurance and I said, you know what? Um, I have it on, I have that on my phone, so I'll pull it up for you. So he goes back to his car. Second time comes back. And I said, here it is. And he, I'm thinking this has taken an awful long time for me to just have not turned in the right lane, you know? So then he comes back and he says, can you turn the car off? Cause it's, you know, I'm hot. So I have the air on and he says, can you turn the car off and come back to my vehicle? And I said, well, sure. No problem. So I do all the things that he asked and I get over there and he goes, well, this is not what I expected when I pulled you over today. And I'm just looking at him and he said, um, there's a warrant out for your arrest. And I said, excuse me, what? a warrant for me? Are you looking at me? Do you see me right now? What would I have done? And he goes, who is in the car with you? Is that your daughter? And I said, yes. And when did

John :

I get the phone call? Cause Julian did

Suzanne:

not yet. Not yet. So she said, um, he said, Can she drive? And I said, no, she doesn't have her license yet. And I said, my daughter-in-law, I'm freaking out. I'm like spewing out all the things. My daughter-in-law went to my house. We were supposed to meet. She can come here, but I need to call her. And, you know, I'm thinking this is going to be a quick go to the courthouse, write a check, do something, you know, whatever, because whatever it is, yeah, whatever it is, it's got to be something easy because I don't do anything wrong. I do nothing wrong. If I did anything wrong growing up, I got the finger from, I was terrified.

John :

Well, no, you're You had to sit upright in the first

Suzanne:

period of church. Holy cow. I am not a rule breaker.

John :

If you've watched any of these episodes, if one of the two of us is in trouble, which one do you think it is? Okay, so keep going, Suzanne.

Suzanne:

It ain't me. I'm just saying. So I go back to the car. I'm like shaking. And I tell Julianne. And she, by the way, was having an anxiety attack earlier in the day. And so I was freaking out thinking, oh my gosh, she's going to like... Freak out. You know, she was so calm. I was losing it. And I said, you call daddy right now.

John :

So did other policemen show up at this point in time? What's happened?

Suzanne:

Well, they did, but I didn't see him come up yet. So I tell her to call you. And then. So

John :

did he tell you what you had a warrant?

Suzanne:

No, he didn't even know. He didn't even know. So I go back to the car. And by then there are like three or four other policemen there. And I'm thinking, oh, my God. Because you might make a run

Speaker 01:

for

Suzanne:

it. Yeah. They think that I'm like truly a bad person. So. Really nice. guy, or policeman, stays with Julianne until Natalie can get there. Her

John :

daughter-in-law.

Suzanne:

Yeah, she came and got her. And

John :

I got a phone call somewhere around here, Julianne calling, Mom's been arrested.

Suzanne:

What did she even say to you? Mom's been

John :

arrested. I'm in the car. And Julianne's even saying, Mom's been arrested, with a tone like, and it's your fault. She didn't say that, but she's like, Mom's been arrested. And

Suzanne:

they asked me, they said, do you want your phone? Do you want your handbag? And I was like, yes, of course. And I

John :

get up on called because you've been arrested. I'm thinking it's traffic related. I have no idea what's going on. All I know is, and I said, let me talk to your mom. And she goes, they won't let me have her. She's in the police car.

Suzanne:

Yeah, like, so he goes, I'm going to have to cuff you and put you in the car. And this is in the

John :

parking lot

Suzanne:

of Kroger? At Kroger, like by our bank, like where everybody I know can stop and see us. And they said, yeah, we need to put you in handcuffs and put you in the car. And then by then, you know, the tears are flowing. I'm like, you don't understand. Oh, you're crying. I thought you meant the tears. No, me you don't understand if there is a soda pop in the cart at the grocery store I go back in and pay for it I am not a bad person I don't know what I did and he said well it just came up on my screen and screen because he was a sheriff I guess he could see things he said has you have you never been pulled over in the last whatever because the year that it showed up was like

John :

2012 is what you told me yeah 2012

Suzanne:

and then something and then it like resurfaced in 2017 and Or something like that. And then nothing. And I mean, like, I've had, I've lost my driver's license twice since then.

John :

And you've been pulled over for it, but nothing ever happened. I've

Suzanne:

been pulled over. I've had two tickets. Okay,

John :

so, but they arrest you. Which are paid. They arrest you.

Suzanne:

Arrest me, like, put me in the car. They take you to jail. Like, put your head down, get you in the car, in handcuffs. If you're listening to

John :

this podcast right now, if you look at the video, which will be on YouTube, Suzanne is ducking her head because a hand is on her freshly blonde hair and putting

Suzanne:

her in the car. And they're not handcuffs like you play with your kids when you think that it's not so bad. They're so bad. They're... They hurt so bad. And you

John :

have a high tolerance for pain. Anyway, so they shove you in the police car. They haul you to jail. Julian has called me and said, Mom's going to jail. And I'm like, what is happening here? So I hustle up to the Hamilton County Jail.

Suzanne:

And if y'all know me, if anyone knows me, you know that I do not go outside my bubble. I'm a tough girl. I'm a tough one.

John :

Yeah, you are.

Suzanne:

but I don't put myself in situations that are like really uncomfortable. And this was truly the most uncomfortable I've ever been. I felt really like a fish.

John :

Let me hop in. So my perspective, I'm outside. Finally, the sheriff comes up and says, I said, what has she been arrested for? And he goes,

Suzanne:

well, he actually see you or did you? No, no. I was

John :

waiting up front for you now. What's amazing. We don't, we, if you've never been to jail, you don't actually get to see the people because like there's jailers and you're back in a holding cell or whatever. I can't see you. I can't talk to

Suzanne:

you. I'm getting the heebie jeebies just now. Well,

John :

anyway, whole thing is you're in a holding cell. I'm outside trying to, first off, my first call is to the lawyer going, can you figure out what the heck's going on here? Like, I don't know

Suzanne:

what's going on. And my

John :

big thing is it's four 30 and on the afternoon. And

Suzanne:

it was earlier than that.

John :

When I'm staying out in front parking lot, by the time you got there, it was like two o'clock. By the time I get up there, by the time I see the sheriff, he comes up and said, what's going on? He He goes, well, it shows that there is a warrant out for her arrest from Marion County. And I'm like, for what?

Suzanne:

And you've got to understand, if you don't live here, we're in Hamilton County. Hamilton County.

John :

So in Texas, this would be like the South Lake, Great Vine, Collierville area. And Dallas would be... Marion County. Marion County is... That's scary. Well, it's not scary for people who live in Indianapolis. It's a lovely place to live.

Suzanne:

If you live in the right part of Indianapolis.

John :

But anyway, Marion County is where they got the big jail. And so I'm like, she has a warrant from Marion County? And first off, I'm thinking... I don't think I did this. Like up to this point, I'm thinking she's being arrested because of something that I've done. No, no, I'm totally, I'm totally going, Oh dear God, I'm going to be sleeping in the horse trailer tonight. I'll be in the van. There's no way that my wife is in jail right now in a holding cell, which I'm sure the holding cell is nice and clean and you've got a window looking outside.

Suzanne:

I watch

John :

Andy Griffith. I see what those cells are like. There's a rocking chair. There's a blanket.

Suzanne:

There were no chicken and dumplings. I'll just tell you that right now.

John :

Well, they probably got a private bathroom for you to use. No. Anyway, so I'm outside. The sheriff comes up, and he immediately apologizes because he's like, I'm sorry. They are all apologizing to me. And he said, I am so sorry about this. I didn't know this was here. But she has a warrant from 2012 in Marion County. And I'm like, what are you talking about? So then I'm starting to make phone calls, all this kind of stuff. Well, rush to the end of what happened here. In 2012, I was working with the Boy Scouts. I was on the road traveling or whatever. And there was a check that was returned. We don't even have checking accounts. We have checking accounts. We don't have checks. I don't have checks. In 2012, in Costco, you wrote a check for $100 or so.

Suzanne:

Yeah, for a couple hundred dollars. And then I'm not real good to subtract and do all the things. Well, anyway,

John :

whatever happened. It came back. It came back. You went to...

Suzanne:

Took cash.

John :

You took cash to Costco and paid them in cash.

Suzanne:

Like I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes. Cause the kids were little and they were, they were all over the place. They were running. I had, if you're listening

John :

to the podcast, not watching the video, my wife's hands are very active. Cause she uses her hands to tell stories and she does hit the microphone anyway. So you remember going to Costco, paying that cash and doing the whole thing, going out the whole thing. So this is 2012. So, you know, literally, uh,

Suzanne:

It's been taken care of years ago. But they did not go into the computer and remove it.

John :

Well, and then what happens is it gets put to collection. Somebody filed a case on this kind of stuff. And honest to God.

Suzanne:

If anything was sent here to the house, I probably threw it away because I knew I paid it. We

John :

don't know. neither one of us remember ever getting paperwork on this or anything from the county. And they said, oh, well, it would have been mailed to you. Well, if you come to our house, we get so much mail. It's like we just toss stuff or we store stuff or whatever. But anyway, at some point between 2012 and 2013, that 11-year period of time, you were sent some sort of a notification. I

Suzanne:

probably threw it away.

John :

You probably threw it away. Or you put it on my stack and I threw it away. But something happened. So I start calling lawyer. Uh, this podcast is not being sponsored by Heinzman law group, but, uh, I will put a plug for my friend, Jeffrey. Uh, he calls a Marion County prosecutor. He tells, now here's the issue that I'm told your wife is in jail. She, she cannot. So I call down, it's like fourth 29 at this point in time, I'm trying to pay because I'm, The fee was $700. No, no.

Suzanne:

He only paid $400 and something. Because I remember it was such a minimal fee.

John :

But the thing was, I paid it online immediately. It was

Suzanne:

done before I got to the police station. It was done

John :

before you even got to the jail. I had paid it. But Marion County said, we can't process that until she's here in Marion County. So I'm like, what does that mean? Can I drive her down there? No, she's in jail. You have to wait for official jail transport. And you can tell the story. But transport has to take her to Marion County. They won't even release her, even though I've paid it you have to go to Marion County so I talked to the lady and I'm calling like the police transport people all this kind of stuff first I called a policeman friend who's one of our dearest friends I said is there any way you can help here he goes honestly no there's nothing I can do he said I'm not even allowed to pick her up and take her to Marion County or I would do it he would have offered it so I'm calling people that I know looking who works for Marion County who works for Marion County Transport trying to find this all out and I have a few friends so I'm calling people

Suzanne:

yeah just a

John :

few so finally I get a hold of somebody who said So my wife is in jail. I'm panicking, trying to get her out, trying to get her out, trying to do this thing. And she just has, I've already paid the fine, even though I don't think, you know, we could have fought it or whatever. And, uh, we start making phone calls and things of that nature. So tell me your side of the story.

Suzanne:

Okay. So what happens? So you

John :

go, you're in the police car, you go to the jail.

Suzanne:

Yep. He takes me in. I

John :

would be, I would guarantee that a majority of our listeners are probably, uh, never going to have this experience of ever going to jail. So, so feel free to tell me what happens.

Suzanne:

They bring you into like the, um, prisoner drop off kind of thing. And here I am, I'm handcuffed and they take you in for booking and there's a guy at a desk or at a, I guess it's like a bar kind of thing. Like you stand, he seemed like he was so much taller and I am weeping and, Because I have no idea what's happening. Again, outside my bubble. Because you don't know what the charge is. No, I don't. They can't tell me anything.

John :

Are you blaming me?

Suzanne:

I have... Probably. But really, I just wanted to come home. I was just so scared. We

John :

hadn't talked on the phone yet.

Suzanne:

No, we hadn't been able to talk. I didn't know anything. All I knew is that you had paid my bond, but it didn't matter. And I just kept saying, I don't understand why that doesn't matter. So they said, we have to take your purse. Well, I had my, as my daughter-in-law calls it, my Mary Poppins bag, which is my biggest handbag. And it was full of stuff. I was going to the jeweler. Okay, this is a Louis

John :

Vuitton that has her initials on it. This is one of your favorite

Suzanne:

purses. Yeah, it's a great big black one. And it has your initials on the side. It has. Yeah. Well, no, it wasn't that one. It was the black one. Okay. I have a couple. Anyway, keep going.

John :

Well, because you steal them.

Suzanne:

That was that charge.

John :

The Louis Vuitton store here is in Marion County. Yeah, it is actually. The Costco was at like 96th Street. So if the Costco was on the other side of the street, you would have been in Hamilton County and this would have been going away. But anyway, it was in Marion County.

Suzanne:

So I get there and they go through everything. You don't think about this. If I'd have known, I would have left all of that with Julianne to take home. They went through my purse. They went through my wallet. They went through my key... They went through everything. Well, we had just been out of town, if you recall. And I may like the finer things in life. I enjoy all the nice things. But I'm a little bit cheap. So I had some purse vodka in there because we had been to some kind of event, a wedding or something. No, no, no. I ain't going to pay $16 for a drink when I can put vodka and lemonade and be happy to go.

John :

Suzanne gets her own setup. She just orders a Coke. And then next thing you know, there's something in her purse going into the Coke.

Suzanne:

Yeah. That's

John :

why we call it purse vodka.

Suzanne:

Yeah, so I had two purse vodkas.

John :

So they're going through your purse.

Suzanne:

They're going through everything. And so the policeman that arrested me. I'm just

John :

wondering, as they're doing this with you, if they're going, okay, she's got a fraud. They're going, oh, my God, she's going to sue us. No, no, I'm thinking they're going, this lady's, yeah, she's

Suzanne:

stolen this stuff. No, they're looking at me apologizing, thinking, oh, my God, this lady's going to sue us. You're

John :

probably not the normal person.

Suzanne:

Yeah, I was not the normal person. Okay, so they go through the

John :

purse vodka.

Suzanne:

They're taking everything out, and he holds it up. The policeman that arrested me and I said, oh my gosh, I forgot I had that purse vodka in there. And he just kind of laughs and I said, I had it because we were at an event and I'm not going to pay $16 for a drink. And he laughed and he said, that's a great idea. And when I got all my belongings back, let me tell you, that purse vodka was not there.

John :

So either Hamilton County or... Somebody had the purse vodka. Actually, I'm sure there's a rule that they're not allowed to

Suzanne:

give you that. Well, I don't know. But I had lots of medication. Did they

John :

take your jewelry? What happened?

Suzanne:

I had lots of medication in there that I just have... Suzanne's

John :

purse is usually filled with medication, but it's not hers.

Suzanne:

No, some of it's mine. Some of it's Jules.

John :

Mine, Jay Daniels,

Suzanne:

whoever. Yeah, because I carry all the things for all the people.

John :

We keep CVS in business.

Suzanne:

So then they said, okay, you got to take off all of your jewelry. And they log it and everything. Well, I started taking stuff off. As I'm weeping, like I'm crying, and they also call a nurse in. A nurse comes in, and they have to take your vitals and do all that kind of stuff. And I'm

John :

sure your heart rate is pounding.

Suzanne:

Well, when I went to Marion County, they thought they were going to have to call in a physician because my blood pressure was so high.

John:

Yeah.

Suzanne:

She comes in, and so she's doing all my vitals, and I'm taking all this off, and I just keep taking it off and keep taking it off and keep taking it off. And the guy who's logging it, it's like you can see him. Look at it. End of the

John :

story. You got out of jail eventually. All of this. They hand me these because they take all your jewelry, all your purse. They go on like a poster board or something. Everything you have. It goes on like a board. Think like a 4-H purse. You've got cardboard. And then they vacuum.

Suzanne:

Yeah, they vacuum seal all of your belongings.

John :

What was that meal prep thing?

Suzanne:

Oh, yeah, like a seal. You used to have that commercial where

John :

you put the thing in there and it sucks it out. And all of a sudden, you've got all your food. So they do the same thing but with your personal belongings. So usually, you're allowed to have one cardboard thing of your belongings. And when I show up, they're like, wait, there's more than one. I

Suzanne:

had at least two. You've

John :

got jewelry, rings, all this kind of stuff, and everything personal is on these two vacuum-packed boards.

Suzanne:

So the nurse looks at me, and she goes, Honey, I know you don't belong here. And I was like, You have no idea. I don't belong here. And she goes, It's going to all be all right. And I said... Do you think I could go to the bathroom? Is there a bathroom I could use? And she looks up to the guy and she goes, yeah, you can go right into cell number two. And I look and it's just a toilet. It's just a toilet in a cement room. And I said, you mean I just got to go in there and just go like door open, go with it? And she said, honey, you're in jail. And I went, no, I'm not. She goes, yeah. So I go in there and I peed. I'm thinking, oh my God, I've reached the lowest of the low. So we finished doing all the things. And then I said, I am so thirsty. They

John :

didn't put you in like a jumpsuit or anything

Suzanne:

like that. No, no, no, no. Because I wasn't a prisoner. I was only in a holding

John :

cell. Oh, because you're being held to go to Marion

Suzanne:

County. To go to Marion County. Yeah. So, um, I asked for a bottle of water and the guy goes, well, that sink in there in that cell, when you push it, the water comes up instead of down, and it serves as a water fountain as well. And I said, you mean I'm supposed to drink out of what they wash their hands with? And he goes, yes, like it was just mainstay. So I am just so exhausted. So at what point did you call me?

John :

Because I remember at this point you finally got a hold

Suzanne:

of me. No, I wasn't in there yet. Then I had to be fingerprinted, and they had to do a mugshot. Okay, so

John :

first off, in Hamlin County, we have this wonderful thing called Busted Newspapers, and I'm sure every county has it. So bad. And they take pictures of the mugshots. And like, I would love to have a Christmas card where I'm like in the black and holding the

Suzanne:

little thing. They put a, they put a cape around you, like your haircut. So you don't see your

John :

outfit. Like I've kind of thought it'd be kind of fun to have with that mugshot. I wonder if I can go into the tour of the jail and they'd let us do that. And, uh, you've got to do that. So they put a black

Suzanne:

thing on you.

John :

And you go. And so,

Suzanne:

so they do all that. And I'm a hot mess. I'm just so upset. And everybody's apologizing to me. And it's nice

John :

that they're apologizing. They at least realize that you're not like an, Yeah,

Suzanne:

well, I think they're really scared they're going to get sued. For

John :

those of you that are online, I can show you this. Is that my

Suzanne:

mugshot?

John :

No, it's not. It's just this is a lady named Santina DiPietro. Don't be showing people. I'm not, but these are looking at the other. This lady here, Kelly Curry, whoever she is, she looks like she belongs in prison. So this is kind of the people that they're used to. So see that? There's the mugshot. There's the mugshot. So she has nice hair, too. Maybe she was arrested in the parking

Suzanne:

lot. Well, what's funny is I found out later that my daughter, queen of the one-liners... was talking to Natalie and she goes, well, at least mom will look good in her mugshot. She's got her hair done. She's like, mom is going to look good in her mugshot. Well,

John :

so this other lady who's probably in your holding cell right now, her charge is unlawful possession of a syringe. Syringe.

Suzanne:

Yeah. I mean, we're in Hamilton County. It's going to be a lot of DWI and all that kind of stuff. That's what most of them are. So, I mean, nothing.

John :

So anyway, so you got your mugshot. I still

Suzanne:

haven't called you. Yeah, and they put me, well, they give me, it's like feeding time. And mind you, I have had, Nothing. Oh, because you never made it to the club. And then it was just benches of concrete.

John :

Yeah, yeah.

Suzanne:

That's all it was. And a toilet in

John :

the middle of the room.

Suzanne:

Stainless steel toilet, stainless steel sink. Was anybody else in there with you? No. Two rolls of toilet paper.

John :

Well, that's good in case you get

Suzanne:

sick. That's all there was, was two rolls of toilet paper. Nothing else. So I open the sandwich and I look. It is two pieces of bread and it's black in the middle. Nothing but black. And I smell it. And it's peanut butter, obviously. And then I'm just really crying because it's just so much, you know, gross sandwich. I'm hungry, anything. So I eat a little bit of a cookie, but I realize.

John :

You're going to fuse that toilet. I know my wife. I know my wife at 34 years.

Suzanne:

If I eat, I'm going to have to poop. So you're about to go on a

John :

Gandhi food. You're going to go on a starvation diet so you don't poop.

Suzanne:

Yeah. You just blink at me and I have to go. So I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not eating

John :

anything.

Suzanne:

I'm not eating a thing. So I was starving. So I'm in there and it was

Speaker 01:

worse.

Suzanne:

Well, the phone, the phone itself is attached to the wall and there's no like handset. It's just a a little cup for your ear and a cup for your mouth. And it was shorter than I was. So I had to like scrunch down and stick my head up against it. And then it took me about 15 minutes. You have to say it at the right tone. You have to say it at the right, like if it's too loud, it makes you do it again. If it's too soft, it makes you do it again, all that stuff. And I got one phone call before they started charging you. And so I called you. Right. You didn't answer. So I called Natalie.

John :

And I didn't realize like, I'm not, I'm trying to pay attention to do all this work, calling these lawyers, doing whatever I'm trying to do to get you out of jail, trying to literally call sheriffs, judges, everybody that I know. And, uh, I keep getting an 800 number or something from Connecticut. I'm like, I don't know who those people are. It

Speaker 01:

was me.

John :

I know. I didn't realize. It was me from the correctional facility. No, but here's the scam. You can't call people. If you call me, I have to put a credit card in and pay every single time you call me. I had to pay $10 to accept it or $9.95 or whatever it is. I'm sitting there going, This is, I mean, for the people who are incarcerated, many of them do not have the resources to be able to pay for this. So what do

Suzanne:

they do? They give you two minutes

John :

free. I get that.

Suzanne:

And then that's all.

John :

And then I have to set up an account and do this. So you call me. I said, I'm working on it. I'm trying my best. I'll get you out of there. Don't worry about

Suzanne:

it. Yeah, but what's funny is I called Natalie and she goes, I knew it was you because I still have it saved in my phone as the big house when John Andrew was in

John :

jail. That's a whole, okay. That's another episode. Our son, first off, Mark. Our son had traffic related issues and, and went to jail, but that's, that's a great story. But yeah, so she had a report. So thank God she received it. And so she knew that was you. So anyway, so you call me, I said, honey, I'm doing everything I possibly can. Now I will say from a husband's point of view, I have failed humanity and my wife that my wife is in jail. Somehow I've taken responsibility for this. Something's going on. It was so bad. So I started calling. Well, finally we get to the point that, Hey, uh, we get the prosecutor, uh, of our lawyer reaches out to the prosecutor, tells them the whole story of what's happened. And I didn't really know all of the logistics. Yeah, yeah, but they pull up the charges and they realize he threw it out. Like the prosecutor, but he couldn't do it until...

Suzanne:

Until I was in Marion County.

John :

No, no. He couldn't actually get the court. They can get you released because I paid the bond and all that kind of stuff. Right. You had to go to Marion County. So at that point, we're just waiting for them to take you to Marion County so you can be released because they can't release you here. They had to go to Marion County. You can tell that part of the story, but you go to Marion County, you get released, and then you have a court appearance date. Like you would have to go to court. Yeah, which I didn't have to do. No, no, no. But because literally when the court opened at 830, he was thrown out. The prosecutor threw it out because they realized he's paid this bill. You guys have arrested this lady. And we could totally sue. No, you can't sue them but anyway

Suzanne:

the Costco we could well you

John :

could you could

Suzanne:

but I'm not gonna I don't

John :

even

Suzanne:

want to think

John :

about no no no but the whole thing was this this was paid it was taken care of somehow got turned into collections the whole thing happened but the point of the matter is they couldn't do anything they the prosecutor himself who threw out the charge couldn't do anything so at this point I'd give I finally leave the court about eight or the the What, Hamilton County? Hamilton County Jail, because I'm just standing out front, even though, and I'm even trying to get a hold of the sheriff of Hamilton County.

Suzanne:

And mind you, I went in at, let's say... First off,

John :

Dennis Quackenbush, who is the sheriff of our county, is one of the most wonderful people. The sheriffs in Hamilton County, when we had K-Trails up at Strawtown, they checked on it every single night, every single time, the animal control. We closed down for the sheriff's run. We love Sheriff Quackenbush, voted for him. He's the nicest guy in the world. I walked over to his office because I was like, if anybody can help me, Dennis can help. And he wasn't there this whole thing, but even he couldn't help. Like the sheriff's could not help. Our policeman friend here could not help. You had to go to Hamilton County.

Suzanne:

No, I had to go to Marion County.

John :

You had to go to Marion County. So you're in a holding cell, which is...

Suzanne:

The holding cell was awful. And you

John :

didn't know how long you're going to be there.

Suzanne:

No, I had no idea. And I had just had eye surgery. And if you realize,

John :

on faith, I mean, I'm literally starting to pray, Lord, get my wife out of jail. Spring her out of jail. I'm reading verses of when Paul... Let those shackles fall off. No, no, no. Shackles falling off. And I'm praying that there was an earthquake that the jail that Paul was and freed all the prisoners. And he was still sitting there. But I'm sitting there going, free my wife. Free my wife. She's got to be picked up. And I knew that I'm trying to get Marion County Transport to come up here and pick you up. All this kind of stuff. So tell your experience. And then they do pick you up.

Suzanne:

Well, eventually, yes. But in the meantime, I am in that jail cell for... Was it six hours? This is

John :

like a drunk tank. Yeah.

Suzanne:

Like six hours, I guess. Six or eight hours. Eight hours. By myself. By myself with my own crazy ass thoughts. By myself. That was the worst. Oh, and this is funny too. They take away your shoes and give you these... crazy sandals. And John Andrews said, they give you those broke ass sandals.

John :

Are they like, hold on. Are they like the sandals you get when you get your pedicure or what?

Suzanne:

Oh, well, there's like rubber sandals. Like they might've been nice, but, before, like if you went to a spa, but now they're all

John :

beat up. Is this a new one? Oh no, they're gross. Somebody else has worn these?

Suzanne:

Yes, one of them was a whole size too big and one of them was small and then also broken, but they give you those and that's what you have to wear. Let me

John :

just tell you this real quick. When you go in as a visitor, they won't let you talk to you, obviously. You have to go to some video thing.

Suzanne:

The

John :

lady behind the glass is not the friendliest person ever. They have the glass covered with the stuff so you can't see in there, but there's a little cut through Well, I went back to

Suzanne:

pick up my medication the next day and she was not super.

John :

Okay. So you're in the holding cell.

Suzanne:

Yeah. And one

John :

of the phone calls. So you did start calling me at this point. Just remember nine 95 a minute or whatever. When you call, she called and you're crying. I'm like, honey, I'm crying.

Suzanne:

It's not that kind of crying. It's this kind. Like when a baby is so tired and they're crying, they...

John :

It's

Suzanne:

like my head was like shaking. And I'm a failure as a husband

John :

because I can't get you out of jail and you're waiting there and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, is it clean? You're like, no. If they would just give me some cleaning stuff, I'll clean

Suzanne:

this whole thing for you. I went in and all that was in there was the toilet paper. So I get the toilet paper. I'm so bored. I'm so tired. I'm so hungry. And I just start cleaning. I mean, what do I know to do? And you

Speaker 01:

haven't

Suzanne:

pooped. I clean all the things and I sit down and then I thought, okay, Do they give you a pillow? Do they give you anything? No, no, it's concrete that maybe time would pass if I lay down. So I take the toilet paper because I'm so freaked out about how dirty it is. I take the toilet paper and I just roll the toilet paper out. Just keep on rolling it, keep on rolling it until I could lay down and put my head on it. This is

John :

like an episode of Oz.

Suzanne:

I love Oz. And then I take the toilet paper roll and I put it under my neck. So it was kind of like if I I laid there and then because they don't turn the lights off the lights are on all the time I took some toilet paper and I went over to the sink and I got the toilet paper wet and like when you go to the spa and they put the little they put those little things on your eyes so I put the I put the things on my eyes so that when I closed my eyes it was a little more dark and so I was laying there with my head on toilet paper with the toilet paper roll underneath my neck and the two little toilet paper pieces on my eyes

John :

okay so it gets dark we talk I literally I couldn't sleep in our bed because I didn't want to be there without

Suzanne:

you. And I'm pacing back and forth singing Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper.

John :

We're not going to have to pay licensing on that. But anyway, so this is our longest podcast so far. So keep going. So I come home and on my side, I go and lay on the sofa in here where my father spent the last part of his life. And I literally... prayed there and being a Catholic, I believe in praying to the saints and those who have passed before us and asking them to pray.

Suzanne:

Is there a saint that's about jail?

John :

Oh, I'm sure there is. But I was saying, I was even praying to my dad or not asking my dad, not praying, but just saying, dad, please, please pray for Suzanne and others. Uh, but as I, uh, uh, knew that we would get through the morning. So we, I think our last phone calls are on two or so. And the thing that I knew is I never knew that. They couldn't tell me when you're being transported because the transport thing is you never know when it's coming. You never know when it arrives. At some point during the next couple of days, your wife's going to go in a transport down to Marion County. I don't know when. So I'm praying and praying and praying that this happens at some point. So in the middle of the night, they come and get

Suzanne:

you. At two o'clock in the morning, they came and got me.

John :

Which this is a miracle that they

Suzanne:

came. Yeah. And she knocked. Well, she didn't knock. She opened the door, the lady, and she brought me. my shoes. And she said, put your shoes on. They're here to take you to Marion County. And I was like, oh, thank God. So I get up and I get my shoes on and everything. And when I walk around, you kind of have to go around that big desk that they book you at. I don't know what it's like, but yeah. You walk around and there's like a bench. And he goes, when have you ever... been to Marion County? When's the last time you went to Marion County? Because I couldn't find your picture anywhere or anything about you. And I said, honey, I don't even go to Castleton after dark. Which is in Marion County. It's a mall. We're not allowed to go there.

John :

So when I watch TV and those guys are going to court, like, you know, the people, they're always in like a black SUV kind of being, you know, escorted into courthouse and all that kind of

Suzanne:

stuff. I don't know. So he tells me to put my knees on this bench. I put my knees on the bench and I put my hands against the wall and I'm thinking why in the world is he doing this I don't know what's happening and he puts shackles on my little Tory Burch ankles got on my good sandals he's putting he's putting the shackles on my ankles and then I really begin to cry I said why are you doing this he says well that's what we have to do and then he handcuffs middle of the night yes two o'clock in the morning and he handcuffs my hands behind my back and then he Walks me out to the garage where the cars come in and out for prisoners. And it's a van, like a

John :

white transport on it.

Suzanne:

And he opens it up and it's like a hole. It's a hole in a van. And I have to crawl up and get in there. And the seat that my butt has to sit on is legit not even half of what my butt is. And my knees are touching the other side. And I looked at him before I got in there and I said, I can't get in there. And he says, well, everybody does. And I says, well, I can't. I'm old and I'm tired and I can't do that. And you have my hands and my feet. shackled. I can't get in there. And he said, well, you're just going to have to. So how old is this

John :

transport officer?

Suzanne:

John Andrews age.

John :

Oh, you're kidding. So he's like

Suzanne:

in his 20s. Yeah, he's in his 20s. So somehow I crawl up in there and I get on and there's legit no room because my hands are behind my back. So it's pushing you out. My butt's barely on the thing. And I look and I see that there are four seat belts. They would have put four people in there. I don't even see how that's possible. And I'm so claustrophobic

John :

and you're trying to get into like a little submarine

Suzanne:

yes and they close that door and it's like okay

John :

so did he help you get in

Suzanne:

crawled with my knees and my elbows because I couldn't get in there and he can't touch me. So I got in. I don't even remember how I was delirious, but it's not one door that shuts. It's two doors. And then he goes around and gets in the van and it's this little tiny window. And by then, I don't even know how I had tears to cry, but they were just coming and I was crying so hard. My shoulders were going up and down. I was crying so hard. And I swear to God, he hit every pothole On the way, on purpose, because I was jolted off of that thing. And the drive was about 40, 45 minutes.

John :

To Marion County.

Suzanne:

To Marion County. And when I got to Marion County, finally, he comes around and he opens the door. And I said, I can't get out. And he just looks at me like a dumb kid. And I said, I cannot get out. My hands, there's nothing to hold on to. I can't. How am I supposed to get out? And he just looked at me and he goes, well... I guess if you just kind of flop down on your backside and scoot forward. I said, so you want me to fall and then fall out of the truck? That's how I'm getting out of here. And he said, well, I don't know what else to tell you. So I did. I kind of flopped down. And when I got out, I looked at him and I said, well, thanks a lot. I just peed a little. And he just looked at me and laughed. Because I was like, are you kidding me? So I go in and there are these two police officers and they're standing there. That's a

John :

whole other episode about menopause and the women's body changing and different things of that nature. But bladder control is probably not the greatest

Suzanne:

thing for a 56-year-old woman at this point in time. It's not great when you're flopping around. So these two policemen stand there and they've got their hands on their belts and everything, you know, looking for the person.

John :

Yeah,

Suzanne:

and I walk in and I just got real close to him, as close as I could get, and I go, I am real scared. Real scared.

John :

Well, first off, my fear is when you go to Marion County, I think it's going to be really, really rough. It was rough. And you can tell me the story, but the people in Marion County were really nice to you,

Suzanne:

though. They were actually very nice. Actually, everybody was really nice. The people in Hamilton County, I think, tried to not be nice because they knew it was...

John :

Not

Suzanne:

something that should happen, but I think they were putting on a not nice face. Yeah, but

John :

Marion County, they treated you okay. So you got there.

Suzanne:

Well, I got there. And

John :

at this point in time, I knew if you were transported, because they couldn't tell me when you were transported. I had a phone call about 6.30 in the morning.

Suzanne:

From me?

John :

From you, and you said, I'm in Marion County.

Suzanne:

Yeah. So as

John :

soon as you said that, I knew that at 8.30 when the court opened, I could get. Well, I

Suzanne:

didn't know I could call you for free. Here in Marion County, they just have phones set up, and I didn't have to pay for it.

John :

No, in Marion County. In Hamilton County, you had to pay. Right. So I get this phone call about 6.30. So at that point, I realized, okay, this is great. I have, even though I paid, here's another shtick. I paid your, your bond and fine and all that kind of stuff, whatever it was on like four 30, right before they closed. And they said, if she doesn't get picked up within 24 hours, this won't be applied. And it had to be,

Suzanne:

would you have to pay it again?

John :

Well, they would eventually refund it. You have to pay it again. So that's not a scam, but here's the whole thing though, is so it is a scam, but anyway, they could not issue the release until you were in their custody. And so the office closed at 4.30, opened again at 8.30 or whatever it was in the morning. So I was there about 7.30 waiting for them to open. As soon as you gave me the phone call that you were down in Marion County, I headed down there. Now, from the outside, Marion County just built a beautiful new jail.

Speaker 01:

Oh, yes, it's beautiful. Just love me.

John :

It's the Ritz. It's got great landscaping. It's the government center. It's where the jury duty is, all that kind of stuff. Beautiful courthouse. I mean, it's beautiful. I'm sitting there waiting, and the lady who's at the front desk, remind me of your mother. This is an episode about my mother-in-law. She was like, because your mother was a receptionist for Word, and then she was a receptionist for the Dallas Mavericks. And it was like, having to come to jail, please hold. And she was like, oh, how can I help you, young man? And I'm like, oh, thank you. While I'm rotting in the cement cell downstairs. She said, oh, you're here to pay that? Well, they open at 830. You can just sit here or there. There's a cup of coffee down the hall if you want to go down there. So I'm having a time. As soon as they open, I'm the first person in line. They give me a release. They call. And I said, okay, now that my wife's released, how long will it take? I said, well, it could take a couple of hours. I'm like, you're one floor below me at this point in time. I've paid this 12 hours ahead of time, whatever it is, and it's going to take a couple of hours? Well, we've got to get it down to the jail.

Suzanne:

Well, you wouldn't believe what all I had to do in order to get to that point.

John :

Okay, so you arrive in Marion County. You arrive in Marion County. Do they have all your stuff? Do they give you

Suzanne:

your stuff back? They give me...

John :

Like, where's your purse at this point

Suzanne:

in time? They handed it from that police officer, gave it to this other lady, who, by the way, was...

John :

So that's where the purse vodka

Suzanne:

disappears. The one... No, well, it's gone by then. The one Caucasian woman in the whole... thing. And she was so mean. She was so mad. She saw my purse and she saw all my jewelry and stuff. And she turned around to the guy who handed it to her and said, what in the world is all this? You mean I got to do this now? I mean, she was mad. But the little girl that took me and processed me then, she said, well, this isn't another strip search, is it? I've been having to do strip searches all night. And I was like, oh, dear Jesus, they're going to take me in there and they're I was terrified because this, the minute you walk in, you know, you are not, we are not in Kansas anymore. Toto. I mean, it was a whole different environment.

John :

Completely different. You know, we have neighbors that both work at the, at the Marion County jail. The people that, they're both correctional officers that work in the jail.

Suzanne:

Why don't you call them?

John :

You don't think I

Suzanne:

tried? Go down, knock on their door. No,

John :

but the whole thing, they're wonderful people. They built a wonderful house. The, I appreciate law enforcement officers. Well, I do too. Never through this conversation should you think that we are questioning law enforcement.

Suzanne:

They all did their job, what they were supposed to do. They were all very kind to me. Yeah, and we're

John :

not making any racial comments. We're not making anything. Do I believe that there is an injustice of how many people of color are incarcerated? Absolutely. When you look at Hamilton County or when you look at Marion County, so it's funny because I approach one way. If you look at that busted newspaper, there are a high number of Hispanics and African Americans that are that are incarcerated. Now, what's funny is I try to be a social activist and tell one of my policeman friends, I said, hey, why are there so many people of color? It seems like it's outrageous. And he goes, you know what's even worse? He goes, we seem to arrest more people with facial hair than without facial hair. And I looked at the pictures and he's right. He says, if you want to keep your kid out of jail, make sure he shaves every day. It's not going to happen because both of our kids have facial hair. But if you do go look at mugshots, notice how many people, women included, have facial hair.

Suzanne:

I'm just saying this woman, the oldest The oldest lady that was there that looked the most like what I would have...

John :

Everybody I talked to in Marion County

Suzanne:

was awesome. Well, everybody was, except for this one lady, and she was just a real...

John :

piece of work.

Suzanne:

She was just very, very grouchy. But everybody was super sweet. And they took me in. Well, I had these earrings in my second holes, these little hoops. And they didn't say anything about it at Hamilton County. But when you come to Marion County, you have to take legitimately everything off. So they had to cut those earrings out of my ears because they wouldn't come out. And then I had to get fingerprinted again, another mugshot. And then you have to meet with a nurse. Yet again, you have to give a urine sample. So I go into one of the cells to do my urine sample and it was the floor was so sticky that I couldn't even walk like it made that noise

John :

are you

Suzanne:

in your shoes I'm in my shoes I didn't have to change in anything in Marion County but you go in there you do a urine sample you put it in and they really do monitor and a lot of those the nurses that are there they because they have so many people coming in coming down off of drugs and everything and

John :

oh yeah that makes sense

Suzanne:

and so they have to constantly keep a watch and if they have to do like what's the one they give you If you're on meth and whatever that is in between, they have, they can give you that if whatever. So I go in and there I'm on the woman's side and then the other side where all the men are. And, um,

John :

or those who identify as male,

Suzanne:

they were men, trust me, but they, um, it was just a different caliber of.

John :

So were you in a room with a bunch of other people at this point?

Suzanne:

I was, I was in one big room with all the other women.

John :

Yeah.

Suzanne:

No, it was different. In Marion County, it was more like a lobby. They had a TV. They had the phones you could use and stuff like that. And you were just kind of out open concept. Then they gave us a nasty sandwich and they put us in a holding cell. And there were probably, I don't know, maybe 12 of us in there. And I'm just keeping to myself, just sitting real quiet. Well, this one girl comes in, relatively young, probably in her 20s. She comes in and she is... losing it. And of course she sits down by me and I'm just trying to, did

John :

you mother her?

Suzanne:

No, I, you know what I've got to say while I was in that holding cell in Hamilton County and I was with by myself and I said, did you

John :

mother her? Because if you know, Suzanne, she is mother to everybody.

Suzanne:

And I was sitting in that cell and I was kind of praying and I said, you know what? I'd, I'm glad there's nobody in here with me because I would be afraid. But on the other hand, if somebody came in here with me and they needed me, I would be so on board with that. You know, if you need me to hold your hair back while you're throwing up, I'll do it. You know, and they never sent me anybody. But I was thinking, you know, I would totally do that. But anyway, these girls did not need mothering. They needed Jesus. So... She is coming out and she is saying that she's going to, you know, F you up and do this and I'm going to get your ass. She's banging on the glass. Let us out. Let us out. And so they won't let you out until everybody's finished eating or say that they're finished. And so then they let you out. And then there was another girl that came in that tried to get all the urine samples out and they knew her by name. So she must be a frequent flyer down there. And I

John :

wonder why she wants the urine samples.

Suzanne:

They have to test to see if you're pregnant.

John :

Oh, wow.

Suzanne:

And then, sorry, babe, not preggers. So then, um, you go back up and when she took my blood pressure this time, she took it about four times and she said, um, I'm going to go get this other, um, cuff and see if it works a little bit better because we may have to call the

John :

physician. And this is still early morning, middle of the night, early

Suzanne:

morning. Yeah, this is probably like 530 in the morning. And, um, I said, well, you know, this is the deal. And you also have to meet with a parole officer, which is what I did. And this sweet little parole officer, she was also super young, probably, you know, late 20s or early 30s. And she was asking me all these questions, you know, like, do you feel safe in your home? Does your

John :

husband

Suzanne:

beat you? Yeah, essentially. Questions like that, you know, how much do you drink, blah, blah, blah. And then she gets, and I'm like, honey, I just, none of those apply to me. And then she said, Drugs. And I was like, no. And she said, marijuana. Yeah. And I said, no. And she goes, ever? I said, no. Christian high school, Christian college. I'm sorry. And so she looked at my paper and she looked at me and she goes, I'm just going to answer the rest of these for

Speaker 01:

you. She didn't

Suzanne:

even ask me anything else. She just went through and she goes, I'm so sorry. And you're just the nicest person I've ever had to process in my whole career.

John :

You got that going

Suzanne:

for you. Yeah.

John :

So as we wrap up this episode, as we wrap up the story, you did get out. You came out.

Suzanne:

I did. There were girls climbing the walls and screaming. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

John :

Well, and we never thought in a million years that you'd be in jail. But as you came out, you were relieved to see me and hugged me and then told me, don't squeeze you so tight because you had

Suzanne:

to poop. I just sat in the car. I said, I just have to poop so bad. Don't squeeze me. I've got

John :

to go to the bathroom. And how quick can you get home? Get me home. I need my toilet.

Suzanne:

I need this. I need a shower.

John :

And at this point, We are embarrassed that you had to go through this.

Suzanne:

And I was super embarrassed that anybody would know or see it.

John :

Well, what's so funny is...

Suzanne:

And think I had like a DUI or think that I had done something bad. So every person who

John :

gets their photo made as a mugshot, then they release it and then it does go on Facebook. And so I get a phone call from Carrie at 7.30 in the morning.

Suzanne:

My Carrie?

John :

Your Carrie. One of our best friends. Carrie called me and said, why is Suzanne's photo... Why am I getting a phone call from... And she mentioned Caroline. She goes, why am I getting a phone call from Caroline that your wife is in jail? I'm like... She's no longer in Hamilton County. She's in Perry County. I said, I'm on it. I'm aware. We're working. And he goes, well, what happened? I said, long story. She didn't do anything. And I'm not at fault. That's basically what I told her. And she goes, all right, whatever.

Suzanne:

She goes, of all the stewards,

John :

she's not the one. So what's funny, though, is we don't know who runs Busted newspaper or anything of that nature. But I sent him a note. And I said, would you consider taking my wife's photo down?

Suzanne:

You didn't say, would you consider. You said, take it down. Or

John :

I was going to take a legal action. Yeah, I did maybe threat. in something. So this was thrown out. The prosecutor released the charges. She's done nothing. And I literally said, you know, my wife is, you know, as a Christian lady who, you know, literally never has, is in trouble. I said, please remove this photo. And they, they did. They, they replied back and said,

Suzanne:

just because you're a Christian to me, don't do anything bad. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just a don't do anything bad person.

John :

Christian or not. And if for some reason I have taken an air of superiority here, if anybody in our family has been in jail, I was the first one. So that's another episode. But mine was traffic-related as well, and it's been the more than once. There was a time when I was arrested taking you back to your dorm room.

Suzanne:

You were?

John :

At a van.

Suzanne:

Totally forgot about

John :

that. Yes, yes, yes. And I was taking her back, and it's like she's at a Christian college. I'm a kid that came from California and was engaged to Suzanne, and they didn't know anything about me. But all they knew was that the police lights were out in front in Burgess Hall.

Suzanne:

Totally forgot about that. You had

John :

curfew at midnight, I think it was, or 1 a.m. What time's your curfew there?

Suzanne:

1.

John :

You had a curfew at 1 a.m., which meant I was pulling into the parking lot at 1259. And so everybody else is going to the dorm at 1259 because it's curfew on a Friday night. And why are those police cars surrounding John's car? And why are they arresting him? And then I think I yelled at you saying... I gave you my card. I was like, go to the ATM, get cash. And you ended up bailing me out after you could leave in the morning or whatever.

Suzanne:

I just remember having a bail bondsman knock on my door when I was teaching. Knock on my classroom door. These

John :

are stories for future episodes. So today was about mother-in-laws. I have

Suzanne:

your husband in the car

John :

downstairs. I love that. That's a Grant Hubbard related story. And I'm wearing a Michael B. Smith tour jacket. I'll tell you that later. But yeah. Mother-in-laws, you're a good mother-in-law. I

Suzanne:

hope so.

John :

Well, no. And Natalie, we are so blessed. She made a post on Facebook one time about how happy she was just to spend time with you one day. And I'm like, you guys have a great relationship.

Suzanne:

I think we do. I really do. I love being with her.

John :

And we, you know, our kids, Johnny, Andrew, and Natalie have a dog now that's our grand dog. And we get to spoil it. And you are known as Nana to the dog.

Suzanne:

Literally. Like she knows my

John :

name. So at some point when we're blessed with kids, you're probably going to be Nana. Yeah. And the dog knows me as the most important man in the room. What's the dog call me? Pops. Pops. Yeah, I'm Pops. I don't know if I like that. It sounds like a cereal. Pops. Nana and Pops. But we're trying those names out and we have a grand dog. We're spoiling the grand dog and think that the grand dog should stay at our house rather than at their house because we know more about dogs and we're going to raise the dog. Well, we do. But the one thing we've learned is by being in-laws, we're trying to be loving, supportive in-laws. We had in-laws who literally would support us no matter what. My father-in-law, when we didn't have a car, bought a Cadillac for us and it wasn't a new Cadillac, but it was a Cadillac that he thought his daughter deserved to be in. Jeremiah has always prayed for us, has always supported us, has always called and helped us. And my mother, if you read the book of Ruth in the Bible, you have become Ruth to my mother. After my father passed, every day I see my mom, she says, my greatest blessing is Suzanne. Because she has a daughter and she has two sons. We're not the ones taking care of her. You are. And you do have a spirit of whether thou goest, I will go. But in your situation, it's really wherever you need to I will drive you there. Because my 89-year-old mom doesn't drive. She goes to bridge, you take her. She gets her nails done, you take her. I'm

Suzanne:

buying toenails this week so I can put them on her toes because she's in surgery.

John :

You are an amazing daughter-in-law. And I know that if your mother needed that care, that I would do that for her.

Speaker 01:

I'm

Suzanne:

sure you would.

John :

I would sign a TV distribution deal beforehand because it

Suzanne:

would be comical me taking care of your mother. It would be great TV. Yeah,

John :

it really would. But no, at the end of the day, I may, every time your mom comes and visits, I might have a work trip around the same time.

Suzanne:

And I think we all benefit from that.

John :

Yeah. And your mother, my brother gave me a lesson. We'll kind of close with this. When I first got married, the lesson he learned from his mother-in-law, because David's mother-in-law liked to tell him how to be a better parent because she wrote a book on parenting and, you know, children, they had five children. But my brother told me it took me years to realize there were certain things that that you can argue about with your mother-in-law. And there are certain things you just need to learn to let go. I was like, what are you talking about? And your mother is gifted in that she had, and she told me one time, she goes, John, you are the right son-in-law for me because you're the one who God chose for me. Because I, and she said this, she goes, my personality is I have to tell you what I think. I have to tell you

Suzanne:

my opinion. She had to get it out, man. She

John :

has to get out. And she goes, and the great thing is about you is you don't listen to any of it. And she says, you do what you feel God's called you to do. I said, I thank you. But she does. She has to tell me what she thinks. Well, my brother told me there are certain did you let go? Like when Ingrid would tell him that the weather in Springfield, Missouri was the greatest weather in the world, he said, I used to argue with her because I've been to the south of France and I've been to certain places. I don't think Springfield, Missouri and its humidity is really the nicest weather in the world. But he goes, it's not worth talking about. But when Ingrid tells me how to raise my son or how I need to discipline my son, I'm I would argue with her like, that's my son. You need to back off, be a grandparent role. And so he at least taught me there are certain things you argue about with your mom you don't. And I always try to protect you from your mom, which that's not a good thing. You know, you can say that for yourself and you can have your own defenses.

Suzanne:

Oh, finally.

John :

Yeah. But you know, your mom says certain things. I mean, neither one of us, we have aging bodies and she looks at you and she goes, she's

Suzanne:

like, I do not have a tumor.

John :

She looks at you and she's like, are you sure you're not pregnant? Yes.

Suzanne:

I've had three kids. Are you sure that's not a tumor?

John :

Have you not gone to the doctor? That could be a tumor. She's like, it is not a tumor.

Suzanne:

I am just fat.

John :

She won't accept it. But anyway, so. So, and your mother, we talk about gift of tongues and interpretation when your mother, first off, if your mother can't reach you. Like if she calls you two or three times in a row, she'll call me next.

Speaker 01:

Yeah.

John :

And if I'm not available, she'll call one of our kids. That's right. She calls and calls. And then it's usually something like, well, where's Suzanne? Well, she's busy doing this. Okay. Well, I was just calling. It's like,

Suzanne:

well, I just need to know where she was.

John :

And then, but the gift of tongues in her interpretation, I'll read what she texts you or me. I'm like, I have no understanding what she's saying here. And you have, you have a gift of interpretation. That's right. Because your mom, does she do voice to text? I

Suzanne:

don't know what she does, but you got to know the language. When you get the text, I

John :

have no idea what she's saying.

Suzanne:

I know. It's like Morse code. You have to crack it.

John :

Well, I love you, babe. I love you, babe. I love you, even though you're a felon. Even though I'm a felon. A criminal. are a pretty special lady to me.

Suzanne:

I have experiences that will go far and beyond.

John :

Yeah. I may end up giving you an orange jumpsuit for Christmas.

Suzanne:

You do, and you're dead.

John :

That's good. So join us on our next episode. This was all about mother-in-laws, even though we really didn't talk too much about mother-in-laws. But our next episode will be episode number 10.

Suzanne:

Wow. That's kind of a milestone number.

John :

It is. And I think we will talk about one us likes

Suzanne:

to poop. No! Because we all know that's me.

John :

Well, we'll come to find out. Join us on the next episode. By the way, you can follow us on Facebook, on YouTube. Please tell other people about the Marry Your Best Friend podcast. I am blessed to be married to my best friend. I hope you enjoy the podcast. If you have any suggestions, feel free to reach out to us on social media or via email. We love y'all. Thanks for listening. And if you do get thrown in jail, you can always

Suzanne:

call us. Yeah, because we know the drill.

John :

We do know the drill. And I'll try to bail you out.