Journey to Success

How to Deal with Problematic Children? With Katherine Babcock

• Season 1 • Episode 20

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Thrilled to welcome our incredible guest, Katherine, on "Journey to Success"!

Join us as Katherine shares her awe-inspiring journey of triumph over adversity, while gracefully balancing motherhood and personal growth.

Discover how she turned setbacks into stepping stones, inspiring both herself and her children to reach new heights of resilience.

Tune in for this heartwarming conversation, filled with wisdom and inspiration, showcasing the indomitable spirit of human strength.

Experience sargentbubbles.com by clicking her website.

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Fabio Posca | Journey to Success

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[Fabio]:

Hey Catherine, are you here?

[Katherine]:

Hey, what?

[Fabio]:

Yes? Alright,

[Katherine]:

Yes.

[Fabio]:

alright. Perfect. So let's not pretend and the fact is that we had a technical issue but that's okay, we're here. And tell me if you are ready and I can start to make some questions.

[Katherine]:

I am ready whenever you are.

[Fabio]:

super super. Okay, so in this episode, Katrin, I would like to split this story into three parts. Okay, so in the first part we'll discuss the younger and the oldest child. In the second part of the podcast we're going to talk about the middle one. And in the third part we'll focus on a topic that concerns you, which is self-care. Do you like the idea? fantastic. So I'll start with a premise. So all of us wish for a healthy child and even though I'm not a father I also wish for one day. But a wish is just a wish and we don't have control over them. It is something that you perfectly know about it, correct? Okay. And would you like to tell me more about your two children then, especially when you discover that they were special. Mm. All right. Okay.

[Katherine]:

normal. He wasn't acting like all of my friends kids were and they were all about the same age. And so we went to the pediatrician and Evan was thinking he thought he was Buzz Lightyear and could fly off of the exam table and kept doing that over and over. And the pediatrician said I think that we need to seek some more help. So I took Evan to a psychologist and a Fast forward several years and when Evan was in high school, he developed a heroin addiction and it became a bad heroin addiction. And subsequent to that, he was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. So he now has ADHD bipolar and schizophrenia.

[Fabio]:

Alright, it's a long road, but I guess has been some improvement all these years, especially because you discovered this at the early age, right? Or not?

[Katherine]:

Well... Yes and no. When

[Fabio]:

Mm-hmm.

[Katherine]:

a child is diagnosed that young, it's very difficult to get a handle on medication because they're growing and so medication needs to be titrated almost constantly. And Evan was a big kid and so his medication seemed like it was never working properly. But I also had a problem with Evan because he wouldn't take his medication. And so I would find find it in the sink or he would just throw it away. He would stick it under his tongue so that I thought he took it and then he would get rid of it. So he wasn't really compliant with his medication, which didn't help things. But it did with his, as he grew up and as he became an adult and got stable on his medication and actually takes his medication, it seems like it helps quite a bit. And the same thing with Rebecca.

[Fabio]:

It's okay. I mean, if the medication works, I don't see the problem. I mean, the problem is still there, but fortunately we live in an era where medication is going very well. So I wouldn't put as an issue. I don't know. I'm trying to be very light on this interview, Katrin. So... I don't want to put some heaviness, you know, because anyway, it's something you are living already and I think you fight it a lot, but you also know how to handle this kind of situation, right?

[Katherine]:

Right.

[Fabio]:

Nice. Okay, okay, perfect. And what about the second child? So as I read, it was a typical child, so it didn't have any particular issues, but it was a bit of trouble-maker, as I understood from your biography. Let's

[Katherine]:

That's

[Fabio]:

put

[Katherine]:

a

[Fabio]:

in

[Katherine]:

good

[Fabio]:

that

[Katherine]:

way to put it.

[Fabio]:

in the line.

[Katherine]:

He was a bit of a troublemaker. And you know, he and Evan, his name is Alex, and

[Fabio]:

Right.

[Katherine]:

Alex and Evan would wreak havoc. I mean, together, they were just the dynamic duo. They were either

[Fabio]:

Wow.

[Katherine]:

together against the world, or they were boxing it out between them. You know, they could do something, punch each other and call each other horrible names, but if anybody else got involved and did something to one of them, then the other one would stick up for that one. So Alex never was diagnosed with anything. I never saw any mental illness characteristics from him. He was just a handful and had a lot of energy as boys do and really liked to, he's very, But he's a great kid. He just, he's a handful. But he always made good grades. He always did what he was supposed to do at school, where Evan did not. You know, Evan refused to go to school. We had to have the police come over for a while and get Evan up and take him to school because he refused to go. So they were night and day difference, but they both had kind of a wild streak. And... The difference was Alex could reign it in when it was time to be serious and Evan was unable to. So Alex is a great kid. He just is a handful.

[Fabio]:

Alright, alright, alright. Well, I don't know all the details, but I mean, the father, right? Was missing at the time or? Oh. Okay. Ok, ok. And perhaps that's the reason why the child frequently got into trouble, or maybe it could be because, and I'm assuming your attention was more focused on the two children with special needs.

[Katherine]:

Exactly.

[Fabio]:

Or maybe both.

[Katherine]:

I think it was a combination of things.

[Fabio]:

Combination both.

[Katherine]:

Yeah, I think that Alex really missed having a father presence in his

[Fabio]:

course.

[Katherine]:

life. And even though I tried to provide other male strong male role models, you know, he's we've got an uncle that did a lot with the kids growing up. But it's not the same thing as having a father in the house accessible all the time.

[Fabio]:

Of course.

[Katherine]:

You know, and so I think that

[Fabio]:

Yeah, you were tried to be a super mom, a super woman. So you were and I'm sure you are so it's absolutely normal, you know, you are still human. So totally understandable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, listen, it is already hard for a single mom or single father, you know, to deal with two or three children. Your case, we were talking about two children with special needs and the one was, let's say, a troublemaker. So,

[Katherine]:

Yes, yes.

[Fabio]:

so absolutely normal. Yeah. And, you know, in these days, school plays a significant role. as well in a childhood. So how was it for all three, for all of them? Yeah.

[Katherine]:

to expect after having Evan, you know, the other kids at school, their older brothers and sisters would know Evan and the reputation got kind of passed down. And Alex and Evan are very, very different people. And it was very unfair that Alex had to deal with Evans reputation. But that's just the way it went. And so Alex loved school. He always made good get to school. He just would not participate. And it was always a struggle and always I got almost daily phone calls. And in fact, the teachers I remember up until about eighth grade, the teacher and I would send a notebook back and forth from school to home every day reporting on what was going on just to make sure that Evan was going to his classes and how things were going at home so that we had an idea of what to expect in the different places that he was. but Alex and Rebecca both graduated. But it was a struggle for them because they had to overcome Evan's reputation.

[Fabio]:

right you know what I'm thinking like I'm sure maybe another person asked you this but have you never asked yourself why to me you know what is the reason

[Katherine]:

I have

[Fabio]:

this

[Katherine]:

asked

[Fabio]:

happened

[Katherine]:

myself many times that question. Why did I wind up with two mentally ill children? Why did I wind up with these kids that had a ton of energy and some issues? I had Evan, but right before I got pregnant with Alex, I was injured at work and have been permanently disabled since then.

[Fabio]:

also.

[Katherine]:

own disability. I blew my back out at work and have had many back surgeries and medications and you name it. And so I was trying to deal with my own disability while trying to deal with all of these issues that the kids had. And the kids found out very quickly how to use my disability to their And they figured out how to use that to their advantage really quickly. But, you know, it was, it was difficult. And I, I did ask myself why, because it didn't seem fair. I would, you know, go to lunch with my friends and they would talk about their kids joining soccer or karate or whatever their kids were doing. And I couldn't get Evan into, we tried soccer, we tried karate, we tried boy scouts, we tried football. And Evan just couldn't. seemed to have one kid that was stuck with issues. You know,

[Fabio]:

Yeah, yeah,

[Katherine]:

so that

[Fabio]:

yeah.

[Katherine]:

was a recurring question that I asked myself as they were growing up.

[Fabio]:

And did you have any partial answer or not yet?

[Katherine]:

Not yet. I guess I just kind of the conclusion that I came to is that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. And for some reason, they were given to me. And for better or for worse, you know, it was up to me to get them through childhood and adolescence. And somehow I managed to do it.

[Fabio]:

You managed to do, you managed to do and I'm sure there is a good reason behind as well if I have to be honest. I... you know, I'm a spiritual person I have to say and there is always a reason behind, you know. It's... that's... how can I say? You can't see the path just because we are human being, right? So... but it's... the path it's... bigger than we think. Just because we don't see doesn't mean that doesn't exist. So yeah, definitely. And how was it for all three of them in the house? How was their relationship?

[Katherine]:

They would pick on Rebecca quite a bit. The boys would pick on Rebecca, but at the same time, they were very protective of her from outside sources. And

[Fabio]:

Okay.

[Katherine]:

I always thought that they got along for the most part. I always thought that there was some sibling rivalry there, but nothing out of control or nothing horrible. But since they've grown up, I've heard stories where it was a lot worse than I thought. it was that the boys picked on Rebecca a lot worse than I thought they did. So I've learned that they didn't get along as well. At least they from what they tell me, their view of their childhood wasn't as rose isn't as rosy as mine was. I thought that they kind of all got along, you know, with some fighting here and there. But I guess I was wrong. They, Friends kind of when they were growing up, but I guess I was wrong. I found out since they've become adults that

[Fabio]:

Yeah,

[Katherine]:

They really weren't friends

[Fabio]:

they're still succeeding, it's normal.

[Katherine]:

Yes

[Fabio]:

But that's also the age, I mean, I don't think it's truly related to... To the illness or... I mean, it's just the age, you know what I mean? I think it's quite normal, if I

[Katherine]:

I

[Fabio]:

have

[Katherine]:

think

[Fabio]:

to

[Katherine]:

you're

[Fabio]:

be

[Katherine]:

right.

[Fabio]:

honest. Yeah, yeah,

[Katherine]:

Well,

[Fabio]:

yeah.

[Katherine]:

and there's seven years between Evan and Rebecca. And that's quite a span. So

[Fabio]:

Yeah.

[Katherine]:

in fact, when Rebecca was born, Evan cut her umbilical cord. So there was a huge. you know, span an age there. But I always looked at it as Evan was helpful with her and tried to help her, but I guess not. So kids will be kids. Whether they have mental illness or not, kids will be kids.

[Fabio]:

Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. All right, so now let's end with the last part, right, of the story. So let's talk about you. I can imagine you in this date, as I read in the biography, after 20 years, realizing that your only topic was your children. So it made me a little bit laugh. And... It's a beautiful thing, but you also recognize that you haven't had the time to discover yourself fully. So now it's time to embark on a new path and explore more about yourself. So please tell us more about it. So how are you going to try to discover yourself? What you are doing?

[Katherine]:

Well, I had Evan when I was 19, so I was really young when I had him. And I never had a chance to figure out what I liked as an adult. You know, I had no idea. And after I spent their childhood just exhausted, and we were always broke, and I was always tired, just exhausted and overwhelmed. And when I went on this date, the guy asked me what I liked to do. And I could tell him for hours what my kids liked to do, but I didn't have an answer what I liked to do because I never, no one had asked me that. And I had never spent any time thinking about that. It had never dawned on me. And I started thinking about it and it really stuck in my mind. And I was a mixed media artist for a long time. And so I've always been very creative. And. I Rebecca lost her job at the beginning of the pandemic. And she called me crying and said, Mom, you know, I don't have a job. What do I do? And I said, you know what? I have all this soap making stuff in my kitchen. I've never used it, never made soap. Don't plan on using it. Why don't you come over and we'll make soap so I can get rid of the soap stuff and get my kitchen back. And she said, okay. And she came over and we spent four or five days making soap and body lotions. scrubs and body butters and all kinds of things together. And we had such a good time that she said to me on day four or five, you know, Mom, this is really fun. We should open a business doing this because we had given

[Fabio]:

Hmm.

[Katherine]:

soap and body products to all of our friends, all of our neighbors, all of our family. We had so much of the stuff that we had made.

[Fabio]:

Wow.

[Katherine]:

We didn't have anybody else to give it to.

[Fabio]:

So you

[Katherine]:

And

[Fabio]:

open

[Katherine]:

I.

[Fabio]:

a proper business then?

[Katherine]:

So yeah, I said that would be a great idea, Rebecca. So I got busy making business cards and incorporating us and we came up with a name.

[Fabio]:

Fantastic.

[Katherine]:

And in the back of my mind, I'm still thinking about what is it that I like to do from that date? And

[Fabio]:

Hehehe

[Katherine]:

it just, a light bulb moment went off that I really like self-care. I like taking care of myself and I like helping other people take care of themselves. I think that that's an underrated activity and I think that everybody can use some self-care. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to take a long time. everybody is a better person when they take good care of themselves. And I know that I would have been a better parent had I felt like I had been taken care of as my kids were growing up. I felt like I gave and gave and gave and that my love tank was just empty. I believe that everybody has a love tank and it gets replenished when people tell you I love you or when people do things for you and you feel loved. But it gets depleted every time you do stuff for other people. And I feel like when my kids are growing up, my love tank was just empty. And through self-care, I could have filled that love tank up a little bit and been a better mom, I'm sure a better mom, had I felt like I was taken care of. And so we decided to open this business. and said that she had chickened out and she had actually gone and gotten a job. And I was left with the decision of, do I carry on this Sergeant Bubbles company or do I just forget all the money that I had spent and go back to doing mixed media art? You know, which way am I going to go? And I decided that my message should be that self-care is so important that I want to help practice it and so I started making handmade goods that would help other people take care of themselves and that's become a really important theme in my life.

[Fabio]:

Beautiful, nice, beautiful, beautiful. And I mean, now you have this business, you're succeeding. As I understood, also your children, they're doing very well, so.

[Katherine]:

They are, they are, the kids are doing really well. They're productive members of society, they have jobs, they, you know, Rebecca is engaged to be married.

[Fabio]:

Ah, beautiful.

[Katherine]:

Yes, they're doing extremely well and my business is doing well and I couldn't ask for anything better. It's really gone from a lemon to a, you know, a lemon to a lemonade story. We really,

[Fabio]:

Beautiful. Who knows? Maybe you are gonna see the end of the path soon then About what God want to show you, you know

[Katherine]:

That would be nice. That would be very nice.

[Fabio]:

For me you're very close Listen very beautiful. I enjoyed a lot and what advice would you give to people in a similar Situation before to conclude Catherine

[Katherine]:

Two things,

[Fabio]:

Mm-hmm.

[Katherine]:

one, to take care of yourself and nurture yourself, whether that means meditating or taking walks by yourself or using good skincare products. You know, it's amazing what a nice bar of soap or a good skin mask will do for you. And it only takes, you know, 10 or 15 minutes. It's amazing how that will bully your spirits. And number two is, I would say don't ever. Never, ever, never, never give up. No matter what. I don't care how pointless it seems. I don't care how hard it seems or how much you feel like you're pushing boulders up a hill. Don't ever give up. There is always an easier path that will come your way. You will always get through the difficult is going to happen but you will always come through the situation a better person you just can never ever give up

[Fabio]:

Beautiful. Thank you so much, Katrin, for being here, truly. It was amazing. Thank you. See you then.

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