When High Achievement Starts To Hurt with Rochelle Carrington

Success can get harder before anything looks wrong. We unpack that paradox with Rochelle Carrington, exploring how internal pressure builds in high performers and why “try harder” eventually turns into drag. Rochelle shares the neuroscience you can feel: emotions fire first, thoughts follow, and your actions echo whatever your nervous system believes is true. When stress never fully drains, your body flags threat, focus narrows, and decisions wobble—long before your results show it.

We talk about practical ways to reset. Rochelle explains emotional release as a fast, root-cause method to pull the plug on stored stress so your system can stand down. We pair that with presence, because anxiety lives in time travel: dwelling on the past or forecasting the future while your body sits in the present. By returning attention to now, you conserve energy and close the stress loop. We also dig into “state first, task second”: choose the emotion that makes your next step effortless—curiosity, calm, or confidence—recreate it through a vivid memory, then move. It’s simple performance engineering that aligns biology with ambition.

You’ll hear how to spot early signals of overload—rereading emails, stalled decisions, irritability, shallow sleep—and why pushing through backfires. We reframe failure as feedback, detach identity from outcomes, and show how inspired action beats brute force. When you remove emotional drag, business grows with less grind: clearer thinking, better timing, and more ease in the work you’re already good at.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who feels stuck despite doing everything right, and leave a review to help others find these tools. Then tell us: which emotion will you choose before your next important task?

Transcript

Success Getting Harder, Quietly

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Did you know that success can actually become harder before anything is uh visibly wrong? So many Ike performers don't burn out because they lack discipline, strategy, or motivation. They burn out because stress never uh fully decalates. So it it turns into um internal pressure, and your you know, your your way to think, your way to do gets cloudy before uh you know your your results suffer. And uh in this episode we explore why that happens basically, okay? Why stress shifts from your comfort zone, or anyway, what you think is your comfort zone into something that reshapes how you think, decide, and operate, and why even people who know the tools teach performance and build a seven figures business can hit a point where effort alone no longer creates results. And we do this with uh the the new guest, and this guest is Rochelle Carrington from Mindset Matters. How are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Very good, thanks for uh inviting me on, appreciate it.

unknown 1:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

So, Rochelle, it's funny how I found you, first of all, because I was just scrolling and got interested in what you were saying, and I thought to myself, okay, you know, I I like this person, I like how she talks. And then after I realized that you are the author of mindset matters. So I'm sure that a lot of people don't know who is behind mindset matters because it it is, you know, usually creators have like me have the name Fabio Posca with the the image and everything, uh, and then they have the the the newsletter, right? But I was very surprised in uh in your case to see the the figure after mindset matters, correct?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yes, that is true.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

And what what is the reason behind? There is any reason why you're not so like mind is it looks like mindset matters. I know because a mindset matters is something that I sometimes follow. It looks like it's more visible than the figure behind, or is it just my feeling, or was just my feeling uh me while I was scrolling?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

No, no. Yeah, it's actually that's a that's a very interesting insight. And and in all honesty, I I never even thought about it. Uh, when I originally went on Substack, and you know, as we all do, when you're first on there, you're kind of trying to figure out how does this work and what's going on and how often and what do I name this and all those sorts of things. And so I just decided to name it Mindset Matters, kind of a play on words, and put my name afterwards. And it's interesting. I've literally have not thought about that since then. But you can find me, you know, up front and center on LinkedIn, on Facebook, on YouTube with my name. So now I'm wondering if I should change it. It just really, it was like one of those things I created, and then I never thought about it again. I was just like, let's get some content out there. And, you know, but perhaps that should be changed.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

No, no, no, no. It's in the settings, actually. There is an option where uh you know where where it divide the newsletter from the creator, and then you have uh the figure and you have the the newsletter. But anyway, regardless.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

I I will have to work on that. Look at the settings.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

And what is your background? Who are you? Tell us more about you.

Emotions Drive Thought And Action

SPEAKER_00 3:51

So my background is uh I had a sales and management training company for about 13 years. And the way that I kind of got into this, and I've been doing, you know, what I call this, which I'll explain in a second for about five years now, but I got into it because I was one of those people who was a high performer. Well, still am, but high performer built this business from scratch to about 1.2 million. That was the sales and training business. Had employees, you know, had everything on paper looked great. The challenge was that I didn't feel great. I felt a massive amount of pressure, massive amount of stress. I woke up every morning with this feeling of dread, where it was just like, I have so much stuff to do. I'm never gonna get it done. And it would just go on and on and on. And so, you know, once you're under that kind of pressure for a while, you look for ways to alleviate it. And so I looked to the things that I knew about, which was mindset types of tools, which would be things like journaling or positive affirmations or meditation or reframing, you know, the way you think about something. And those things helped a little bit, but they didn't solve the problem. So I would feel a little better and then it'd go back to that pressure again. And so I became, you know, frustrated and I thought there's gotta be something else. I know I'm missing something, and I was kind of like, why can't I figure it out? I'm in, you know, the training space. I should know this. So I went, did a lot of research and trying to figure out why the mindset stuff would help but not fix. And so I kind of went down the tunnel of neuroscience and learned that emotions drive thought, not the other way around, which is what we've all been taught is that thought comes first and then emotion and then actions and then results. The reality is emotion comes first, then thought 350 milliseconds later, then you take an action or non-action, and then you get a result. Well, if emotions are the things that drive results, then you have to start with emotions. So I went down that rabbit hole and I actually went and did some emotional release as a client because I was like, this has to stop. I can't handle this anymore. This is just like, it's too much. And I had an amazing experience through it. And I remember within two weeks, I woke up one morning and the dread was completely gone. And I was like, what happened? This feeling I got so used to for years is like not there anymore. And just everything started to change. And that's when I said, you know what, this is a tool, this is a, you know, a methodology that people need to know about. That because it solves the root cause, it doesn't just fix symptoms. So that's how I got into this. And this is what we've been doing with founders and CEOs and business owners and senior executives for years now.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

This is very beautiful what you said, because I never thought about it so clearly, all right. But it makes sense. So everything uh is made of energy, and uh same as uh emotions. So emotions create a certain amount of energy, and this energy has to be released and managed from uh something, you know. So, and then uh there is a trigger, and the triggers are our actions, so it makes totally sense, totally sense. And uh it's also interesting the fact that you are driving, uh leading the people to learn what you actually understood during the years, you know. So it's it's very beautiful. And here I have uh my my first question, right? So, how do you recognize the moment when uh stress stops being temporary and starts interfering with performance, with your life, with your routine?

Spotting Stress Before Performance Slips

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Yeah, it's a great question. So you look for the symptoms, and the symptoms are usually things like you start procrastinating more, you're rereading emails, and it's just not really cognating, you're not sleeping well anymore, you kind of feel unmotivated, even though you're a motivated person. You just kind of feel like I don't really feel like doing anything. Discipline starts to go away a little bit. You know, for example, a lot of people we work with are very disciplined about working out, and then suddenly they stop and they're like, I know I should. I just have no energy. I'm tired. And my, you know, the clarity and the focus that I used to have is gone. It's really hard to make decisions. I used to make them quickly and now I doubt myself. And so it's just a lot of mental noise that goes on. And those are all symptoms that your nervous system is overloaded with that internal pressure of stress. So those are the things that are gonna show you that there's something bigger because it's continuous. When you've got continuous internal pressure or continuous stress or anxiety, that's your body telling you this, there's something going on that needs to be released. Think about it like you've been pouring water into a bucket for years and years and years and years, and you hit a point where that bucket is overflowing. And what needs to happen is the drains got to be pulled out of that bucket to let all the water out and let your body reset. Because it's not that you lack skills, it's that the stress has clouded all of them and is not allowing you to access that.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

That's that's very, very beautiful. Also, this uh this ex this example. I I love it. And uh talking about uh you mentioned internal pressure. It's something that you mentioned. I also read a couple of your articles before this uh live, and you mentioned internal pressure a lot, right? Yes, but that's how you felt during the years, as I understood, correct?

Internal Pressure And The Nervous System

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Well, internal pressure are those feelings that are constant, where either you've just got high stress, you've got a lot of anxiety and thinking about the future, when you wake up in the morning, it's kind of the the heavy feeling that you can get sometimes where you're just like, I dread doing this, or it just everything feels harder than it should be. That's really where you know that you've got that internal pressure. Or, you know, again, you can look at you get frustrated really easily, or you blow up about something that, you know, you kind of go like, well, that I should in the aftermath, you're like, uh, sorry, I didn't mean that wasn't like such a big deal, but I blew up anyway. Or sometimes people just they cry a lot on little things will trigger crying. And those are all the things, you know, the system just keeps going up and up and up, and it's just getting harder and harder. Because what's happening is your nervous system, which is where, you know, your emotions are held in your subconscious, and your nervous system and your subconscious work together. So your nervous system is regulating what that subconscious, what it's feeling. And when your nervous system, which is there to keep you alive, it's looking for threat all the time, all day long. It's just like, do we have any threats that will, from your nervous system standpoint point of view, harm you? Well, when you've got a lot of internal stress or pressure going on, that signals your nervous system that you're under threat. And when you're under threat, your logic, your conscious mind does not work very well. And so your nervous system will constantly try to pull you back and pull you back and pull you back. So that's really that what I mean by internal load. And your nervous system is doing exactly what it's designed to do, protect you. But the problem is it's under, it just sees everything as a threat. And that's where people really start to again feel like, why is everything so much harder than it should be? I know what to do, but it just feels so hard. It's like I'm pulling, you know, a boulder uphill, and you know, it's just so difficult.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

You you already uh answer or anticipate my questions because it was like, what actually changed inside someone when stress never really shuts up? So it was perfectly answered, if any, I didn't I won't I wasn't asking yet. But now my my uh you know, uh uh listening to it to to to your story reflection, uh I was thinking, so what are the best three methods in your opinion in your opinion to uh uh descalate uh the stress in a way to you know to diminish this internal pressure?

Three Ways To Deescalate Stress

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Yeah, well, the very best way to eliminate it is to do emotional release. And that's gonna take, you know, you've got to work with somebody to be able to do that, where they can walk you through, you know, it it's really wording and protocols to release the emotions out of the out of your system. And again, that's like pulling that plug. So that that's the best way. But something that you can really do on your own is because a lot of people feel, you know, what we would label as stress or anxiety. And the challenge with that is that we have a tendency, we're here in the present. And and we all have a tendency to either live in the past, we go over and over and over these past, you know, experiences, stories, we tell them, we live them, we feel them, we think about them, or we live in the future where we're like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen if? Well, anytime you're living in one of these two areas, you're gonna cause stress and anxiety in yourself. So one of the most important things is to bring yourself back to present. And that's something a lot of people talk about, but anxiety is all about trying to live in two time zones at once. I'm trying to live in the future and with my mind trying to figure out what the heck is gonna happen and will I make the money and will this relationship work out, et cetera. And at the same time, but my body's in the present. So now I'm in two time zones, and that creates that incredible amount of anxiety. So, what do you need to do? You've got to bring yourself back to just focusing on what you're doing right now and get out of the future. You cannot live in two time zones because your body, even though it's in the present set tense, it will feel what your mind is thinking about. So it will feel all that anxiety. It thinks it's happening right now, even if it's something that you're concerned about in the past. Same thing goes, or I'm sorry, in the future. Same thing goes with if you're living in the past. Stop telling the story about how you were wronged or some bad thing that happened or whatever happened, because every time you retell that story, your body feels it again. It fills up with all of those negative emotions. And the very thing that you're trying to get rid of, which is that, you know, feeling associated with that bad past event, you brought up and you've just recreated again. And that again is just creating this pressure on top of each other over and over. So sometimes it's a little bit, you know, easier said than done, but you gotta just pull yourself back to the future. Or I'm sorry, the present. What are you focused on now? Where are you right now? What are you doing right now? And stay out of these other time zones.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Uh it's funny because I actually talked about these uh, you know, the this topic about present and future. And I never considered the the the past, but of course it's it reflects also, you know, the the past as well. Uh basically, what what what you say and what I say though also, you know, I don't remember, was one of one of my episodes, is that we project ourselves to our future when we have a goal, right? And it's it's okay, it's normal. But this requests a lot of energy from us, correct? Yes. So we need to be aware to how much energy we spend, because if we spend too much, then uh the the gap that we create, it's a gap full of stress and friction and friction. That's what what happened basically. And and then yes, then uh it's uh the the the the the farther you go, the harder is to go back, okay. You know so yeah yeah makes totally sense what you say, and uh something that I didn't reflect when I made this episode is making the example to the past as well, because of course it it's is is the same. The moment that you think, oh my god, what I did, what what what a drama I create, you know. You just the the the the you just consume energy on uh a reflection that something already happened, you know.

unknown 18:45

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Yeah, no, I was just gonna say, you know, to your point, your body doesn't know whether you're in the past or the future, it just feels it. And so if it feels it and you're re-experiencing something that happened in the past, then you will feel those same feelings and your body just thinks it's happening all over again. If you're going to go to the past, go to a great story, go to something that was super fun, super peaceful, you were laughing, you had a great time. If you're gonna relive something, those are the ones you want to relive. Then get your body in that feeling of, you know, let's say happiness or peace, and then go do your work. And you'll do that from a much better energetic state than if you go back to, you know, oh, I regret that I did this and I did that, and if I'd only known, and you know, all of those sorts of things that we have a tendency to do when we look at the past. You you made the best decision you could with the information you had when you made that decision, you know, a month ago or three years ago or 20 years ago. You didn't know any better, you know, you didn't try to screw it up, but you can't judge what you know now and the decision you made 10 years ago because you're not the same person.

Rochelle’s Work And Free Webinar

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And uh Rochelle, just a small break. We're reached already 20 minutes. Is there anything you like to promote, basically, to the community? So what is your job? How can you help the people about it?

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Well, what we do is again, we work with founders and CEOs and executives and business owners, and we help them, people who are already successful, but just got to that feeling where everything feels harder than it should. And what we do is we work with them to release, do all of those emotional releases. We do it very quickly. Once you do it, it is, it stays. You don't have to redo, and it's not about reliving stories or telling what happened in the past. We don't know anything that happened in the past with our clients because we don't want them reliving those things. So if anyone's interested in more of that, you know, they can certainly reach out to me on mindset matters. Or we also have, I created a webinar. It's about 35 minutes, it's free, and it really explains the neuroscience behind why these feelings happen. And sometimes just understanding that, like why am I feeling this way? It's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you're a problem. It's not because, you know, you've got some situation where your brain isn't working correctly. It's just because your nervous system is on threat. And it just needs to, you know, learn how to stand down. So if you want to learn more about that, we've got the free webinar that we can send to people as well.

Grounding, Presence, And Energy

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Cool, cool, cool. It's just a matter of frequency at the end of the story. You know, it's when we are too much out of the binary, out of the frequency, it's we feel disconnected with uh with ourselves. And basically, what you should do as understood is make sure that you are again a wall piece together, correct? Yes, yes, beautiful, nice. And going back to our questions, uh, Rochelle, I uh do you feel comfortable? Are you still happy actually? Sure, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

I love talking about all of this.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Oh, yeah, yeah. I I noticed. I didn't peek out on this all day long. I noticed. I noticed when I was scrolling and it was you that you were talking, talking, talking. I was like, oh, she's like me, good. So perfect. And all right, so hike performers usually respond to to to um you know to to the stress and the friction uh by pushing, pushing harder, harder, and uh the change strategy, you know. In my case, uh I'm talking about years ago when uh I did not achieve uh the level that of maturity that I have today. I used to change a lot of strategies, you know. I used to do this and then that didn't work, and then change that. Of course, that's not good. That's just a reaction of your stress, the stress behind, you know. And but still, and uh I can uh also talk personally, as I can make an example right now, when I have too many projects, I have too I have a lot to do, still I tend to push hard. This is literally my nature. Now there is a moment that I say myself, you know what, Fabio, you need to go back because now you are exaggerating too much, and then I go back, right? So, but my question is uh why does pushing harder make things worse sometimes? And it depends also at which stage.

Inspired Action Over Sheer Effort

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Right. So, you know, we all have really kind of been conditioned that pushing, that pressure, self-pressure is good. And a lot of high performers believe that that is their fuel, that if I I am the one who can go longer, go harder, and that and it really feeds the ego to kind of have that idea. I know I certainly had that many years ago before I discovered all of this. The challenge, the the real thing is that the pressure that you put on yourself is not fuel, it actually becomes drag. And if people would realize that, and the reason why it becomes drag is because, again, that emotional pressure starts to build and build and build in your nervous system. And you can only push for so long until you just can't do it anymore. And that's when people will suddenly get sick, they get the flu, they get, you know, a cold, something that will get them to stop. Or they're just uh highly fatigued. And so you can do that for a while, but your body will tell you no at some point, because long-term pressure does not help. It can help in short term, and discipline is great and willpower is great, but we all know it is also limited. No one has enough willpower and discipline to push through everything, no matter what you hear on the internet, no matter what you hear on any of the social sites. They just don't. Your body will break down. And so rather than trying to do that, we really want to help people work with have effortless work. When your nervous system feels calm and it's not looking at for threat, the work that you do that you're already, already good at is effortless. It's that idea that, you know, athletes talk a lot about being in the zone. That's what it is. That doesn't take being in the zone is not taking pressure and pushing yourself and forcing yourself to do something. It is doing something because you love it, you're good at it, it feels great. And then when you're tired or when you're finished, you go and you do something else. So the the pressure is just, it really is a lie that we've been told that somehow that's helpful to us. And it and it absolutely is not from a nervous system standpoint. And again, your nervous system is running you, so it's something to pay attention to.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Beautiful. But how can you how can you prevent the point where you reach that amount of stress that trigger internal pressure? So how can you prevent it, in your opinion?

Trial, Error, And Choosing Emotions

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Well, you know, the again, the ultimate prevention. So we have a lot of different things that we've been taught through the years that will help to manage it. So you can manage stress with things like positive affirmations, going for a walk, going on vacation, et cetera. Those are all management tools, but the stress will always come back. And so the only way to actually completely prevent it and get rid of it is to release all of those emotions, is to go through some sort of emotional release process. In terms of preventing it so you don't continue to build more, a lot of it again is, you know, stay in the present. Give yourself things to do, you know, two things to do a day that you go, if I do these two things, five when I accomplish these two, it's all gonna, my day will be great. And not continue to push yourself night after night after night. Now, if you're starting a new business, you know, and everything's new, sometimes those are things that are done. But you gotta give yourself and you gotta give your body some breaks so that the stress loop can close and not remain open. When it remains open, that's when it just adds another one and another one and another one, and that's when that internal pressure, you know, continues to go and go and go. So you've got to make sure that if you're going to, you know, if you're feeling that stress, okay, go ahead and feel it, but then you've got to release it. And a lot of breathing techniques you can do helping to release those things as well.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. So I'm in a learning zone now, so I'm trying really to, you know, to assimilate everything. So basically, what you're saying is be grounded, the end. It is the same story as you said before about reflect ourselves too much in the future, you know? Correct. So if we reflect too much ourselves in the future, we don't live the present. So it means that we we are not we don't really live, we're not grounded, you know. So we don't we don't watch the TV with the intention to watch the TV, we don't make a coffee with the intention to make a coffee. We're just too much in the future, that's create the problem. And of course, maybe that's that's already a sign a prevention sign already, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yes, yes, absolutely. You know, the more we can be in the moment, so if if you're making coffee, just enjoy making coffee. Yeah and not thinking about, oh my gosh, I have to do this in five seconds, why isn't the machine going? I gotta jam this thing down, and the caffeine is so that I can keep going and going and going, you know, those sorts of things where you're just doing an action, just to do an action, is is really not helpful because a lot of action doesn't necessarily get you where you want to go. You know, the other thing that we work a lot with our clients on is inspired action. So when you have released all of that stuff out of your nervous system, what happens is your nervous system resets, you think clearly, decisions come easily, you know, you're calm and peaceful. The amazing things is people's businesses grow like crazy because business just starts to come to them. You talked about energy. The energy of the person changes, the energy coming to them changes too. But with that, what we suggest to people is think about when you've got a task to do, whether it is, you know, I've got to find, I've got to prepare for a podcast, or I need to go find new clients, or I need to write something for Substack, or whatever that task is. Think about what is the emotion that you would need to feel to make that task as easy as possible, because you already know how to do it. You're already pretty good at it. Doesn't mean you're perfect at it, but you're pretty good at it. So, what is the emotion that you want to feel that will make it even easier, that will make it feel more effortless? So let's pretend if you're preparing for a podcast, it's curiosity. If I were super curious, you know, I would really delve into whatever this person is talking about. I'd come up with great questions. Like it would be fun because I'd be learning something while I'm preparing. So then what you do is you just close your eyes and you go, let me remember a time in the past where I just felt super curious, where it was just like there was something that I was so interested in, I could just look at it, read about it for days. And you relive that. As you relive that, as we discussed, you will feel curiosity, that emotion in your body. Once you feel it and it has overtaken your body, you try to feel that as high as you possibly can, then you open your eyes and then you go prepare for your podcast. And that puts you in an emotional state that is gonna be helpful because now you're like, oh, this is gonna be fun, versus, oh man, I'm so tired. I mean, I know I gotta do this, I want to do it, but like I've had a full day, you know? So think about the emotion first, and that will help everything be effortless. And it's a great tool. Anybody can do that because we've all had, you know, a lot of wonderful positive experiences in the past as well. And that will help you do that task so much better.

Failure As Feedback, Not Identity

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Like, totally in line. Uh, I was also thinking, it's I don't want to be repetitive, but it's truly a matter of energy, you know. And uh the more you are in your comfort zone, the more you are in the flow, the more you you gain energy from it. It doesn't matter then how many hours you do, how many hours you work, you know. So as much as whatever you do gives you energy, it's great. And to, you know, to to connect with your reflections, like for example, in my case, I didn't do host guest for I think one year or one year and a half, because somehow was uh it was a moment that was uh drying me. So I was still I knew that I I like the podcast, I knew that I I was still I wanted I want to go forward with uh with the podcasting uh but then I say to myself, you know what, I would like to pause a little bit to do solo podcasting. The funny thing is that I used to prepare for more than a year my solo podcasting, so I used to write on my own script. Also because, as you notice, I am not an um English uh mother tongue, and I always like to deliver the best approach as possible to my community. So I used to write around 2000, 2500 words, so I used to do I still do on my own script to talk with my community. That used to take me a lot of time, more than doing host guest, but somehow I was enjoying more. You know what I mean? Right. But I couldn't feel that extra hours. I couldn't because I wasn't the floor. So yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Yeah, absolutely. It's not it's all about alignment. You know, it's it's really when you're aligning the way you feel with what you're doing, what that task is, the task becomes much, much easier. And you can do it a lot faster too. So and you know, what we find with our clients is they don't have to work as much. All that time where they were spending like pushing, work harder, work more, they actually get to work less and they get better results. And, you know, who wouldn't want that? I mean, that's really how life should be, not this big stress ball of pressure and everything's hard and you know, I have to be in pain all the time. That's nonsense. That's old school. It's not true.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

But Roshan, I would like to make a question to you that it's out of uh, you know, of my timeline, basically, because now I'm curious. Okay, I agree with everything you say, right? But you still have to do a lot of trial errors before to achieve your goal. So, how can you prevent that? You cannot like there is anyway eventually a moment where you get stress because you can you don't figure out everything in one piece together or not, or am I missing something here? Like explain me better because here I I it's not that I disagree, but I would like really your opinion. I don't know if you if you understood what I meant, you know, with the trial-error situation. You know, you still have to achieve the point where you reach your comfort zone and you are on the floor. To reach that, you have to learn a lot. Eventually you get stress somehow. So explain me better this uh this situation. How can someone uh prevent stress even if he has to do a lot of trial error and eventually get stress?

Healthy Effort Versus Drag

Three Practical Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Well, this is gonna be an answer that most people don't really like. And that is that you choose what your feelings are. You can choose. If you want to choose to feel stressed, you can choose to feel stressed. If you want to choose to feel peace, you can feel peace. What we have been conditioned in this world is that other people, other situations, the environment around you determines how you feel. And that is absolutely false. Because no situation can force you to feel anything. And we can point to a lot of different, you know, stories about people who have had very bad things happen to them, and they have a very, you know, they have a great attitude about it or they have a great feeling about it, and they're thankful for it, even though it was something really difficult. And other people who could have the same thing and go, I'm a victim and I can't do anything, and this is just my lot in life. So what we know is that you are the only person who can control your emotions. Nobody else can. You choose them. So the interesting thing is if you choose stress, that's okay. It is a choice, and sometimes we do that, but the alternative is you can also choose something else. So you don't have to choose. So, you know, for example, if you're driving down the road and somebody cuts you off, there are days when you probably choose to get really ticked. And there are days when you're like, eh, no biggie. Right? And it all depends on what you're feeling at that moment. Are you late? Are you annoyed from something else? All those sorts of things. So the reality is the more you take control of your emotions and you realize that you get to choose what it is, whether it's a positive emotion or a negative emotion, the more control you have over your life. Because the more positive emotions you feel, since it is all energy, the more positive you are going to get back from other people. So, and the idea of, you know, failure and success, if we can really think of failure, failure is is it failure, is it feedback? It's feedback. If you're doing something and it doesn't turn out the way you want it to, there's a couple of options. One is, okay, you know, I had the wrong strategy or I had the wrong idea, or I didn't do it well enough or correctly, right? So I could change any of those two things. And what do I need to learn from that to be able to move on to the next thing? There's always a redo of some sort. You can't redo the exact thing, but you take the lesson from that and you just go, okay, well, let me try it a different way now. Or maybe that was completely wrong. Thank goodness I figured that out quickly. And now let me go do something else. Let me figure out a different way to accomplish that goal. So the failures are not something that is failure, is not a something wrong with you. We all have it. You know, it's like little blips. It's like blitches in the computer. It happens. We don't, you know, I'll throw up our hands and go, never mind, I'm never using a computer again. We just go, okay, reboot, try again, let's go. And that's kind of what we need to do with all of our failures, it's just reboot.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

I remember this is funny. I remember in one of my episodes, right? I was talking about failure, right? And then I was I was making an example. In a way, it's not that if you make lasagna, well, I'm Italian, so I I talk about food a lot. So it's not like that if you make lasagna, you burn once, then you say, you know what? I fail.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

I never make a right, right. It's like, well, what burned it? Did I not pay attention? I walked away, it was in the oven too long, was the oven too high? Was my oven not calibrated to whatever the recipe said? I mean, there could be a variety of things. It's not, you know, a personal affront that I can never make lasagna again.

Closing Reflections And CTA

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's literally feedback, and as I always say, is uh is a teacher. Failure is just a teacher who silently teach you the wrong things, and then you have to figure out how to, you know, to to correct, and uh that's it. That's that's what is failure, in my opinion. You know, actually, I'm very happy that we we have right now 50 people and uh we reach naturally this this world, you know. It's so is a word as a lot of hatred, like a lot of people fear this world, right? They shouldn't, you know, and uh the they shouldn't for real because the more you fail, the more you correct yourself, the more you achieve your goal. And actually, the more you fail, the the fastest you understand how to, you know, to to correct the miss the mistake, let's say the misstep and the and and the far that you can go, you know, to reach your your success. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

And and one other thing I would add there is it's the action that failed, not you as a person. So whatever the action was that you took that led to the result that you didn't really want, the lasagna burning, you just go, okay, well, what's the action the next time I do this? What action should change? It's not about you. So the challenge is we have a tendency to get our ego involved. And we go, oh, it's about me. I'm a failure, I can't do anything. Well, that's just absolutely false. So, you know, you have the choice to believe that if you want to, but it just doesn't lead you anywhere you want to go. Now you're in victim mentality. Victim mentality is never gonna get you what you want, ever. And it allows other people to control you because you become a victim reliant on everything else that you know surrounds you. We want people to know you have the choice. You make it happen, you create it, you know, your entire world. You create the good, you create the bad by how you feel, then what you think, then the action you take, and then you get your result. And so you've got to really think about what are what are you feeling, most importantly. Not what are you thinking, feeling comes first, emotion comes first. We discovered that back in the 1990s. We've known this for 30 years and nobody's talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

Yeah, yeah, correct. And the still about failure was I was thinking also, uh, still reflecting about what you said, is important to acknowledge what it failed in the process, right? But it doesn't mean it doesn't mean that you are a failure. It's important to acknowledge that something failed. Because also, this is another uh problem. Sometimes people say, Oh no, this is good. No, no, this is not good. If the lasagna is born, it's born, you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

Pull the top off and try to eat underneath. So we can be honest and just say it's not good.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

You can acknowledge, you can take also criticism from the people, and uh not that you have to believe uh 100% of what the people say, but still reflect, you know, and then still correct the missteps to understand how to reach better your uh goal and your success. And I have another two questions for you, and then we can uh uh wrap it up. From your perspective, what is the difference between uh healthy effort? Actually, you answered me to this question already, but uh just if you like to highlight for me again healthy effort and effort that's driven by unresolved pressure.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

So healthy effort again is when you have the positive feeling that is driving that effort. You've got inspired action. That is gonna be healthy effort. It's not doing something just to do it, it's not just trying to tick things off of the task list that we all have that's got a thousand items on it, most of which you're never gonna do and probably don't really need to be done. So just like ditch half that, throw all that stuff away and figure out the two things you need to do. Do those. You feel great, and then you keep going. The pressure comes when it's like, I have to keep going, even though I feel exhausted, my mind's not clear anymore, not I'm slower in what I'm doing. That's your sign that says, you know what, you gotta be done for the day. You just gotta be done and take a break, and then you can always come back. And so, so that's really kind of the difference. And you you look at how you feel. Do I feel good doing this, or do I feel like it's a drag? Like, oh my gosh, I can barely. That's gonna be where you're pushing. And generally the output the result is not gonna be as good.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

Super. Rosha, thank you so much. I have just uh literally the last question. Like before we work back, right? Let's say that someone takes one step after this conversation to reduce you know stress, internal pressure. So what are your three, let's say top things that this person must do to to reach uh a more peaceful life, basically?

SPEAKER_00 45:45

So the first thing would be stay in the present time zone. So that will that will get you out of that anxiety and regret, you know, loop. Just stay in today. That would be the first thing. The second thing is you choose your emotions. So choose very carefully. And it doesn't mean you never feel a negative emotion, by the way. Of course, we all do. We're we're human, but you can also choose to flip it as quickly as you as you can. And then the other thing is to look for those symptoms of you know burnout and internal stress. Watch what your your body tells you everything. So you got to start listening to it because it's gonna tell you, it's like your GPS. It will tell you if you're on the right road or if you've kind of gotten off and you're sort of like going into the ditch. And so as long as you're paying attention to it, you can you know use some of the other tools that we talked about to get yourself back on the right road so that you don't end up completely burnt out or burning out relationships or businesses or things like that. So, and and not having you know the triggers that we all think about. So, really just listen to your body, that's your GPS. Um, and your nervous system is just trying to help you. So you gotta let it do its job, but you gotta listen to it at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

Was beautiful this episode. Thank you so much for real. Very sad. Yeah, and uh thank you. Time uh flew by, it's already 15 minutes. I don't know how much for you from this side was perfect. And uh talking about energy, I I gained a lot of energy and I learned something from it, and I'm sure that someone learned as well here in this life. And uh, guys, I want to hear from you, of course. And uh, where do you feel the most internal pressure right now? Uh just let me know. This this uh video is gonna be translated as an audio in my podcast so we can uh uh you can listen back and you can reflect better. And uh if like have you noticed moments we're pushing harder, stop working for you? You know, just make questions like that, you know, things that Rochelle and I talk about it to have uh a more reflection. And uh, if you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe so you never miss an update. Even more important, share this episode with a friend who might be feeling stressed or stuck despite doing everything uh right. Thank you so much for being here on journey to success. And uh, Rochelle, thank you, thank you for being here as well. And uh remember, together we're building a life with more clarity and less pressure. I hope also from my side. And as see you in the next episode. Cheers.

SPEAKER_00 48:33

Thank you, thank you.