Chester blackness fades from your eyes. Instead, you're in this space of almost blinding radiance. You are floating on a pool of Go and give me a perception. Check.
Speaker 3:Six.
Speaker 1:You feel like you're in a pool of root beer.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 1:Around you. As the light kind of grow, your eyes grow accustomed to light. You see bright colors. A unicorn flies through the sky as you sit up. You realize, uh, you should be sinking in this root beer pool I'm dead, so nah and it's not regular beer, so you're in hell. Asmodeus raises up and is like hey, gotcha Chester.
Speaker 1:No, you look around, the land itself almost seems to be If the Feywild was this land of unrestrained emotion, these almost vibrant positive energy that you remember. This almost seems like a dream of that. You see trees made of candies. You see little sprite-like creatures flitting about At the edge of the little lake you find yourself floating on. You see a woman clad in black leather armor holding hands with a young girl.
Speaker 3:Hey, killer number one.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna give her a big wave. You can tell from this distance she is just dismissively looking at you, but you see the little child next to her just giving you that awkward little kid wave.
Speaker 3:I stand up, I guess, on the stuff that I'm floating. I guess probably kind of sloppily, jauntily, clumsily make my way over.
Speaker 1:Let's go ahead and give me an athletics.
Speaker 3:Check to see if you can do this gracefully. Gracefully, that's my plus. Yeah, ooh 27.
Speaker 1:All right, you walk on water as if you were always supposed to. You're like, finally, the respect.
Speaker 3:I deserve Turns out, it was the solid ground that was my issue this entire time.
Speaker 1:Uh, you stride towards these, uh, two figures. The little girl looks up at the killer and she says well, I told you he'd be fine, I told you as he would I'm sorry I died little girl. I apologize about the killer looks at you and she goes it's not that you died, Chester, Everyone dies. That's the one thing we don't get back up from, but it's that you tried every time.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, and it just is like such a foreign concept to him to not yeah. The little girl reaches her hand towards you. Do you take it? Oh sorry, yeah, yes, I take the hand. You're like yeah, fuck you kid, you're not getting me this way no fay wild.
Speaker 1:Chris hansen steps out and is like huh please have a sit on this toadstool. She does that and she kind of positions herself in between you and the killer, like almost like it's. You know, like when you were a little kid, where your parents, like you, were in between your parents and they kind of swung you around a little bit my parents yeeted me and she kind of just starts skipping, dragging you guys along behind her.
Speaker 1:And as you walk through this land, you look down and you realize the grass is like licorice vines. This is hell, just sticky sweet you. Automatically you're like I can't feel my toes.
Speaker 3:Diabetes through osmosis? Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 1:That's how it happens, she. I told you you'd be here and you've never. You didn't win, but you didn't. You didn't ever fail, chester.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, I never thought of it like that.
Speaker 1:She stops Chester trips over. Give me an athletics check, no, no. See if you accidentally drop.
Speaker 2:kick this creepy child Creepy child, don't fail your afterlife debt saving trance 18.
Speaker 1:18? Yeah, you kind of do that little hop around her. I didn't. I picked you because you always try, chester, you always you make me laugh every time because you're just so silly when you fail. But it just looks, you just do it so funny and you'd never let it get you down we just do a smash cut of all the times I'm like laying yeah, there's a montage there's like knives in me and like I'm spitting broken teeth you just see ekram like pulling a beer bottle out of you.
Speaker 1:That you're like nobody stabbed you with it. You just fell on it I don't like that.
Speaker 3:yeah, be broken and be stabbed me, me in the back, come on.
Speaker 1:There's one day you cut yourself, shaving your head and it's just a gushing head wound and I slip and hit my head with it. Killer's like huh, Huh, you really got my title, huh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:She just looks at you and she goes. You know, chester, I hated you for a really long time Floating around watching you with my title, my reputation, everyone thinking I lost to someone like you. My reputation everyone thinking I lost to someone like you. But she goes somewhere along the line. I grew kind of proud of watching you, of just seeing a man that had no reason to stand up, do it time after time. And then she cuts to that fight in the Feywild between you and the cultists where you two, so greatly outmatched, just decided to give it your all to save a dragon and its eggs its eggs. She goes in. That's. That's where I started to realize maybe you did deserve the reputation you have, because that takes not just somebody that can take a hit but knows when it's worth to take in the hit for someone else chester rubs his head like shyly and he's like well I mean like I don't know.
Speaker 3:I just never didn't make much sense, not to you know, we cut to.
Speaker 1:Ekrem Pewter and you were walking along the astral plane. It's odd, because she's just kind of she's doing the walking and you're just kind of floating alongside her thinking, yeah thinking about this direction yeah, you know, bud. Uh, I watched you for a long time. I've seen, I've seen you succeed a lot. I've seen you fail a lot.
Speaker 2:You've probably seen that one more. Yeah, no way.
Speaker 1:Well, we weren't keeping tabs, but yeah, you kind of called it uh, a lot of a lot. I've seen you fail a lot. You've probably seen that one more. Yeah, no, well, we weren't keeping tabs, but yeah, you kind of called it A lot of failures in your life. And what's always impressed me about you is every time you were given the same choice to pick power, to let it that corruption in you, let it fester and fill you. And every time you let it fester and fill you, and every time you've said no. And this time, this time, you have gotten so close to succeeding and you still didn't pick it when it would have been the easy choice. That's what I love about you mortals is you always are surprising me.
Speaker 2:Well, I feel like it's the least that we can do. I'm also still having a hard time getting over the fact that pretty sure you were a mortal at one point and you're probably just using this body to like be relatable to me and Pewter's probably still dead.
Speaker 1:I've kind of come to realize that yeah, it's like that thing in contact where you're like, is this what you would rather see?
Speaker 2:And then just turn something horrible and you're like, oh no, no, Go back to the little dwarf woman. Yeah, please.
Speaker 1:Had you are wise beyond your years or wise beyond your stat points One of the two Literally less wise than normal Do you feel yourself just rushing through the astral plane until you see yourself floating in front of the city.
Speaker 1:Not the city, the tangible place that you knew on the material plane, but the city as it would exist on the astral plane, as this almost echo or mirage version of itself. You see all that psychic energy generated by the sleeping god, and then faint little dots around the city that you realize are the emanations of every living creature that calls that place home. Some bright, flickering, some dying, uh, you kind of realize like there's a battle going on throughout the city and she goes pewter, looks at you and says that's right now me. Well, it is me, it was me, it's all the parts of us that matter and I I think you two are ready to finally fix this permanently.
Speaker 1:For a while I wanted to wake up, to feel alive again, to walk through the cosmos and feel it tremble under me. Then I dreamed the cosmos and feel it tremble under me. Then I dreamed and in that dream and I saw this place and all of your lives and all your choices, and I saw it reset time and again. And yet you all kept trying. And then the people like you and Chester are so brave in the face of all the things that could go wrong, and you either didn't give in or you kept getting back up and I realized, I think in that moment I learned learned to love you, you short-lived, fragile little things. I want you to succeed this time, bud. I don't want to see it get reduced again. I want to see you guys finish a story.
Speaker 2:Well, if I can make it back, I can make sure to close this book.
Speaker 1:I'd like that she begins to grow larger. She goes. I'd really like that she gets bigger.
Speaker 2:A giant dwarf.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's an oxymoron Much like in a dream, when you're like I'm running, but I'm standing still, I'm at the grocery store, but it's also my dad. Here. I would like that You're not going gonna like this part and she begins to walk backward from you.
Speaker 2:You're gonna want to hold still for this part, ekram okay that doesn't tell me anything, really, and she comes charging through you or for you.
Speaker 1:You see, just as she's running, just this astral energy, this psychic force building up around her, almost like a bullet fired from a gun, just breaking the airwaves around her, and she just boots you, just kicks your soul self hard.
Speaker 3:Into another dimension. Yeah, she overshot it hurdle towards the city.
Speaker 1:You smash through the shadowy, like void, that used to be. The shadow fell through the living feywild which you saved. You see the, the fey dragon circling around, a small dragon uh, its offspring underneath it oh, those eggs were close. Yeah, and then the goose king just ker-honking his way through there, yeah. You slam into the library doing a sick superhero landing.
Speaker 2:Back to the knees.
Speaker 1:Give me an athletics check, oh come on. Come on.
Speaker 2:You're ruining this cool entrance 11.
Speaker 1:You know what you stick that landing, though as you get up you're like, oh darn, that does not feel great. It was like early Marvel. It was like, hmm, all right. You find yourself back in the crater from where you smashed your staff of power. On the edge of it you see the lifeless body of Chester.
Speaker 2:He wasn't okay.
Speaker 1:You just see in the corner the little shadow version of you being like yeah, I lied, gotcha fucker, I killed you, I killed you, you're in hell. Do I really see him? No, okay, you're like.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm gonna shadow dagger him again yeah, I was like priority number one and I just see kaga approaching the dragon, like how much is the dragon dead? It feels like we've been gone for a while. Yes, about an episode.
Speaker 1:You see the chamber where the lore dragon or the lore worm was kind of manning the defenses is vacant. You see a doorway behind that open, but you can't see anything else. Go ahead and give me a perception check to see if you hear anything.
Speaker 2:Nope, I do not. Okay, I can give you the bonus if you really think a seven is gonna make a big difference no, okay, you just see the lifeless body of chester.
Speaker 1:A pool of blood, so much blood. Almost like somebody I'm gonna say he like juiced his own self berryberry.
Speaker 3:Okay, that could have been phrased better, I'm sure. Yeah, there's got to be.
Speaker 1:It's like somebody had a jelly donut and just squeezed himself.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing about shadow sorcerers Not many healing options.
Speaker 3:Are you sure? Because I remember three episodes ago we found out you could have been helping me heal this entire time.
Speaker 2:That's true, but I can't heal dead but uh, so yeah, can I run up and do like a medicine check or an arcana, just go ahead and head on up and uh, give me a medicine check nine, I'm getting upset you, uh, you're a middle guy yep, you feel uh for a pulse on Chester and you don't feel anything.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and give me an Arcana check.
Speaker 2:Suspense. Okay, that can't be bad, that's a 22.
Speaker 1:You notice there's a faint glowing pulse around his hands covered in blood.
Speaker 2:The tattoos are faintly flickering, pulsing with faint light. Can I try and use my healing hands that I get to just try and just if there's any ounce of life left in him to try and bring him back? Sure, and that's a species trait that I got and it's basically just a one-time action to heal 15 hit points mechanically. That's how it works, but I will. I will grasp his hand and that'll be the method of transfer, trying to to keep that essence in it yeah, uh, so it's just a flat 15 hit points.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, you feel those cold hands begin to warm and while Chester doesn't awaken or even seem to show a pulse, you feel those tattoos or you see those tattoos begin to glow brighter. We cut to Chester.
Speaker 3:Sure hope. No one's holding my dead body's hands.
Speaker 2:I'll be like come on you, son of a bitch, and I'll slap him in the face Live, live as you slap him in the face.
Speaker 1:In this realm that he's in, the sky shakes. You stand next to the killer, the former, the killer formerly known as Number One and the little girl, and she looks at you and she goes the little girl this. She looks at you and she goes the little girl, this is not the killer, she goes Chester. What do you want?
Speaker 3:Well, to be honest, I don't necessarily love leaving a job undone, so so Can I. Can I go back?
Speaker 1:She smiles. Chester, what I love. You've always been A man with simple dreams, but they've been Thank you so big. You've dreamed of being the best boxer, the best friend to Ekrem.
Speaker 3:You're reading my diary, you, son of a bitch.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's going to be hard to beat my buddy Doug.
Speaker 3:Oh, this is a work relationship, man.
Speaker 1:You always wanted to be the best, even though you failed every time. So how about you get up there and just give it one more shot?
Speaker 3:I mean, I'll give it two or three more shots. Honestly, I'll keep coming back.
Speaker 1:You get one. Oh, okay, hey, hey, hey, I'm just saying I'm pretty persistent, being greedy.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to be Shut up.
Speaker 1:Shut up voice the little girl. As she's holding your hand, she begins to grow you almost like. She almost lifts you up, just effortlessly. She grows again up into the clouds, up in uh to the sky, as it pierces this kind of curving earth. You find out that actually it's all round not flat.
Speaker 3:I have been involved in so many groups. This is a fantasy world. I gotta let them know.
Speaker 1:You see, this place you thought you were is like a child's dream of the city Skyscrapers built of candy and held up by just kind of all the things that are we all kind of just dream about and forget as we get older. Uh, all that whimsy and fun. And she, uh she says, chester, I hope you got this one this time. I believe in you. I believe in you too. And she says I'm really sorry about this. And she throws you as you hurtle up through, you smash through this fantasy barrier, this magical land of kind of like make-believe, like this imagination place I don't want to say imagination land, because I know like somebody's going to listen to this podcast. South Park did it.
Speaker 1:But you smash through that. You feel that cold, clinging void of what used to be the Shadowfell touch you and then you break through into the Feywild. You just see that grinning cat and a look of surprise on his face as he sees you hurtling past like a comet in the air. I just give him a little wave. He just doesn't even. It just waves back at you. It's confused, like why do meteors wave? Now you slam into your body as if, like your entire essence came back. Your wound in your chest heals.
Speaker 3:Rapidly bleeding.
Speaker 1:You just have Ekrem holding your hand.
Speaker 2:I saved you twice.
Speaker 1:Let's do that reunion. What's that look?
Speaker 2:like.
Speaker 1:Ekrem just taking all the credit. Yeah right.
Speaker 3:Oh hey, buddy, I thought you exploded.
Speaker 2:I did, but I'm back. I talked to God. I think that was very confusing. It looks like you were really close to talking to God. No, I talked to God. I think that was very confusing. It looks like you were really close to talking to God. No, I talked to God.
Speaker 3:Well, huh, god sent. Well, I don't know it was like I talked to. I don't know, I talked to somebody. They sent me back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I got sent back too. I feel like this should be a really emotional moment, but there's that door and the time, dragon's gone and I I feel like we we need to get going plus, I'm incredibly sticky with my own blood, so I'm not feeling like emotionally available right now I pressed the digitation shit his pants. I'm like buddy it's what.
Speaker 3:It's what. It's what happens when you die. I know I'm not, I'm not embarrassed, I died, it's, it's natural.
Speaker 2:No, but how about we have the touchy-feely catch up after all this, after we close?
Speaker 3:this out. Sound good. Yeah, sounds pretty good. Plus, I turned evil. I'm going to get you Nah, I'm just kidding Shadow dagger.
Speaker 2:He's like, yeah, I've dealt with this before I see where the wound closed up and I just slowly just Nah, I've dealt with this before.
Speaker 3:I see where the wound closed up and I just slowly just Not again. Like no, I'm just kidding, buddy, let's go, well, let's go, beat the shit out of Kaga. I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it feels like she deserves it at this point.
Speaker 3:I'm not to be rude, but my greens are steamed about this one. Your what my greens? I got real steamed greens. I'm pretty upset. Is that a saying we're moving while I'm doing?
Speaker 2:this, by the way.
Speaker 3:Man, I'm really miffed. I've heard that one Really gets my goat.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, yep, I get that one too.
Speaker 3:There's something with grits, I'm not sure what.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I want to see where this goes.
Speaker 2:We stopped and we're like hey, buddy, what did you find out in heaven?
Speaker 3:I also have a brain tumor. He's like, yeah, Like we're sending him back Also see a doctor.
Speaker 1:It's one of those things where they're like it's really like it takes a greater restoration to fix a stroke.
Speaker 3:You only got partial coverage. Just do a quick check.
Speaker 1:How's your left side doing Well?
Speaker 3:it smells like toast, if that helps.
Speaker 2:Just make sure you ask for an itemized bill.
Speaker 1:You guys can make your way into this chamber. Go ahead and give me perception. Checks the two of you Historically good at these.
Speaker 2:Oh, I came back fucking ready, natural 20.
Speaker 3:Let's go 17. 17. I see everything.
Speaker 1:The boys are back in town. Yeah, you just hear a sick guitar solo somewhere, like it's playing that epic battle music.
Speaker 3:The reason I only got less than you is because I put on sunglasses.
Speaker 1:You guys enter this room, it is full of smoke and you can almost taste the magic that's been expelled in this room, just various sigils and seals bursting their stored energy around. You see again the few scattered corpses of some cultists and some of the cultists' monstrous companions. And then, at the far end of this chamber, you see Kaga as she delivers a mighty blow to the time dragon, the lore worm as it drops, not dead, but she stands over it, ready to deal a final killing blow.
Speaker 3:I have done a lot of the big speeches. You want this one.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm not much for talking, and it's literally about to die. Yeah, I mean it's been good bud. I know that it seems like we both have died before.
Speaker 3:Oh, not to me.
Speaker 1:Hey, kaga, fuck you. She turns, she just looks. How many times do I have to kill you two?
Speaker 3:One more.
Speaker 1:All right, go ahead and roll initiative.
Speaker 2:Not as exciting, you ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 13. 13. All right, though not bad, not bad. Uh, 16, all right. She delivers a boot to the face of the the lore worm, just kind of leaving it stunned there with that boot to the face. She turns to face you two, just kind of pops her neck, picks up her blood axe from the ground where she left it, stores the dagger in her belt and then just wordlessly charges at you 30. Does that hit Chester what?
Speaker 2:Yes, also, is it just her, or is it like her, with a bunch of cultists? Just her, just her, just her.
Speaker 3:Okay, please don't Help, don't help. I was just asking.
Speaker 1:And a 24?.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Both of those hit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, it's just fun for me, what do you mean?
Speaker 3:Just fun for?
Speaker 1:me All right, it's a D12 plus 14.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got an 18. 18's pretty good. I don't have shield cast on me or nothing, Just goddammit yeah.
Speaker 1:All right. She swings at you and like a blow that if you were still the Chester that she dispatched with a dagger thrust would have hurt so much, Axe bites into you and you almost just don't notice it, you'll take six points of damage. You see a look of frustration and shock on her face. That second sword swing comes in and it deals 11 damage.
Speaker 3:All right chester, what do you want to do? Uh, I'm going to. Is there anything like a chair, a table or anything around me, like within, like grabbing distance?
Speaker 1:yeah, there's uh definitely some smashed furniture that you could grab to make a improvised weapon I would like to grab a table leg.
Speaker 3:What's the damage on like a table leg?
Speaker 1:we'll make it a club, um, so it would be a. You're gonna use it one-handed or two-handed? Uh, two-handed okay, we'll treat it like a mall, so it'd be a d12 or 2d6.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, okay so first attack we're gonna go ahead with does a 29 hit? Sure does 31. And then last one ooh, 17, yeah, oh, all right. So I'm gonna use my scofflaw stuff at 10th level uh, which we got big mad ups from the uh, fade the fade dragon, the fade lady on a hit I get to exploit the target's defenses, dealing 5d6 points damage on use of this ability. Can't use again until they take a short long rest. Okay, no, I don't want to do that oh, okay, you don't have to, I'm not not going to.
Speaker 3:I have to find the. That's the one cool thing about. When you level up, you just have all this new stuff, all right. First hits for 27 damage Okay. And then the second hits for 15 damage Okay. And then the third hits for 15 damage.
Speaker 1:All right, so that's 57 points of damage in that first three attacks with a table leg. Okay, so you just take that and you just smash that on her. You see as, uh, you bash her with that, that piece of furniture three times, she turns and locks eyes with you and, uh, you actually see respect and also, uh, her face. You've drawn a couple lines of blood. You've never actually seen kaga besides when that staff went off in her face like bleed her own blood. Ekram, what do you want to do?
Speaker 2:okay, as this is going down, I try and get her attention and I say hey kaga and yeah and just in that tone yeah, well, kind of like in a snarky tone like this is kind of like I'm very confident after literally coming back what felt like hell, confronting my other evil self, feeling this brand new power and you start to see like your hell was pretty chill dude, yeah, I mean, it was like a void black nothingness, you know.
Speaker 2:And and flames start to spark in my hand and when she looks over I'll say I hope you feel every bit of this, and I snap my finger and cast immolation on her. Okay, what's she got to do? A dexterity saving throw of 18. I'm going to go ahead and start rolling my dice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she fails that.
Speaker 2:Good.
Speaker 1:No, that's too many rolls. I don't like when it's this side of the equation for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you've been playing Kaga this whole time, just beating this tar out of us.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm going to spend one of my sorcery points to re-roll three of my sorcery points to re-roll three of my d8s that I got ones on. Okay, let me add my bonus here really quick.
Speaker 2:This is the most dice I've rolled in a while. So it looks like she will be taking about 52 points of fire damage, alright, and she will be taking that basically every turn. Wow, okay, you can repeat the saving throw every turn, though, okay, and then with that, once that happens, I will hold up my other hand and I will summon my Hound of Ill Omen.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Which will go on a bite on her. I'm assuming a 12 does not hit. No, all right, cool.
Speaker 1:This is is gonna be fun. You hear a sound you've never heard before, which is kaga in pain. Yeah, she's not used to this, like she's used to being the one doing the hurting, and you guys have just, in one turn, showed her that she's vulnerable. She's going to go ahead and take three. I'm sorry. She's going to take one swing at you with the blood axe, chester, and then she's going to take a punch at you with her follow-up hand, just like a blind.
Speaker 3:Okay, and it does do an extra 1d6 of fire damage. Thanks, dog.
Speaker 1:And she also goes into a rage.
Speaker 2:We see her better because she sheds bright light for 30 feet.
Speaker 1:Oh good 29. Yep 32.
Speaker 3:I just say yes to all of them. 18? Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, damn, yeah, still fun for me. Uh, all right, you're going to take 10 points of damage and then the punches. Okay, that's going to be 8 points of bludgeoning damage. 9 points of bludgeoning damage.
Speaker 3:Hey man, we're going to want to make quick work of this, already, already.
Speaker 1:For those of you at home, don't take a drink when these two are.
Speaker 3:Combating.
Speaker 1:We're doing so good, and then they're like oh no, but we also are squishy too.
Speaker 2:I'm doing fine. The thing is, it's not that I'm squishy.
Speaker 3:I'm just hittable.
Speaker 1:I've seen your face. I get it. Was that the end of her turn? So that is going to be the end of her turn? Okay, at the end of her turn. So that is going to be the end of her turn.
Speaker 2:Okay. At the end of her turn she has to try and succeed on another dexterity saving throw or take 46 fire damage moving forward Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, she's going to fail that. Okay. So each turn she's going to take 46. No new saves.
Speaker 2:Every turn she can try and make that save and on a fail she takes the 46, which was only six damage. No new saves.
Speaker 1:Every turn.
Speaker 2:She can try and make that save.
Speaker 1:And on a fail she takes the 46, which was only six damage. I rolled very low, all right, fantastic. It's still, damage is damage is damage. She just again just threw these gritted teeth like why won't you die? And that's your turn, chester.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm going to do a couple of cool things. Hopefully I'm going to go ahead and first I'm going to start with like a just like quickly grab like a broken beaker or like some glass thing and just like kind of like use it like a quick attack action to like jam it up in like her ribs and using my blindside ability.
Speaker 1:Are you going do the liam neeson in the gray thing where you got just liquor bottles? No, no, no.
Speaker 3:That was baller though it was very cool gonna punch wolves, uh, no, uh. But what I'm gonna do is and then I'm gonna take a swing and just kind of like try to like bash it up into her and like shatter it up into her ribs. Okay, does a 29 hit.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:All right For 22 damage, fantastic. And then I'm going to I'm going to go ahead and take another. Just a pure punch at her, okay, and I'm going to use my infamy as part of my attack action. I can cause a target within 30 feet to become frightened of me for one minute on a failed wisdom saving throw. Okay, I can cause a target within 30 feet to become frightened of me for one minute on a failed wisdom saving throw. An effective target may repeat this throw at the end of each of their turns, Ending effects on success. The DC for the save is 8 plus 5 or plus 8 or plus 5. I don't know what that means. It's a creature who has witnessed or heard tales of my ruthlessness makes a disadvantage if they think I'm ruthless.
Speaker 1:But I'm like, okay, yeah, she's afraid of you right now, so she's going to have to spend her action moving away from you.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I hit her with that one and I'm just like it's because I have no joy in this, there's no lust for this, it is what must be done. And then I would like to use my scofflaw and grab another table leg and break it over her head. If she tries to start fleeing, I'll activate my Eldritch Claw tattoos as well. 2032 to hit Yep.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what are all your damages?
Speaker 3:So it's going to be. Being a fighter at high level is fun For the damage. Oh, chat's so low. Six damage on the exploding table leg over her, okay. And then I'm going to Axe and Strange and just take three big oh plus D6 for the claw, so six, ten total on that one. And then I'm going to do three quick attacks 24. Okay, higher and 30. Okay, higher and 30. Okay, okay. So that's going to be 12 plus 14 plus 13. Okay.
Speaker 1:She, yeah, you see her eyes grow wide in fear, as if she doesn't quite understand how you've come back and are able to do this.
Speaker 3:Neither do I.
Speaker 1:I anticipated you'd be confused. Me to be confused is different. Ekram, it's your turn.
Speaker 2:Can I make a perception check to see how she's doing? Yeah, 17. She's looking pretty messed up. She's looking pretty messed up, man. If I'm just going to do it and hopefully, it works out.
Speaker 3:If not, it's gonna be really embarrassing. I break the staff of power over my knee.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I duct tape it together and I break it again. Um, I will walk up to kaga or use my, my movement to go up to her, and then I will reach out and I will grab her and use my new seventh level spell, finger of Death. Okay, and she must make a constitution saving throw of 18, which I'm assuming she's pretty good with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would think, oh, Except for when you roll like that. She had to beat 18?
Speaker 2:Yes, or take half.
Speaker 1:Okay, she'll take half.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I'm at. Uh, she had to beat 18, yes, or take half. Okay, she'll take half, okay, and I'm going to use two more of my sorcery points to re-roll two of these d8s, for you said it would be halved. The total damage was 38, okay, okay, is that enough to kill her? No, okay, never mind, I won't say the cool line, yeah. It's a bummer oh wait, sorry, it's plus 30 necrotic damage.
Speaker 1:God 38 plus 30?.
Speaker 2:It was 38 plus 30. So 68.
Speaker 1:So 68 halved, so 34. Yes, we're back at her turn. She kind of looks at you, chester, and see that, just that fear in her eyes and she turns to run. You'll get an opportunity attack here.
Speaker 3:I think it's not too late to quit 29 okay that'll hit.
Speaker 2:Did she do her dex saving throw at the end of her last?
Speaker 1:19. She hasn't gone since that 19 damage okay all right, thanks. Oh, just claw tattoos yeah she's gonna take that time to run towards akron, or it's akron I'm gonna take. Well, I walked up to her to oh wait, holy shit, she's raging. She can't be frightened, she's a good actor she's just like just kind of like I would be afraid of you if you weren't a dead man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it hits 30. Let me know if it hits a one, one or 20. 25. Yep, one or 20 is the only two options.
Speaker 1:Okay, but that's three swings with that axe at your head. Yeah, it is dude.
Speaker 2:Also, rebar is the last one I'm trying.
Speaker 1:Oh, she'll re-roll it yeah it's still going to hit. Damn it.
Speaker 2:It has to be a one, okay, but you got advantage on your next attack, buddy.
Speaker 1:Get her You're going to take 20 points of damage.
Speaker 3:That's bad, it's not great. I'm not dead, but that's not good.
Speaker 1:Okay and then. Yeah, that's going to be the end of her turn. Make that saving throw.
Speaker 2:Okay yeah, she fails that again. Nice Six plus six plus one plus five, so it's pretty good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, are you going to tell me the math 18. It's 18. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Jesus man.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:Chester, your turn. I'm going to go ahead and just grab something nearby and take a big swing at her. Where do you keep finding weapon-shaped stools? It's in a closet, it's just a very.
Speaker 1:Why did I fight this dragon in an Ikea?
Speaker 3:20?.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that'll hit.
Speaker 3:Okay, I don't know her stats 24 and then 20 again. Okay, so it's going to be 10, 12, 14, 11. Okay, it's not too late. Don't make us do this.
Speaker 1:Ekrem, it's your turn.
Speaker 3:Back to me, it's fast, but I just have to hit three buttons Punch, punch, punch.
Speaker 2:I'm going to use Psychic Lance. Okay, so she needs to make a saving throw of intelligence for 18. I was like, well, I tried Constitution. She's kind of beefy, so I'm going to hit her in the brain Good job.
Speaker 3:She got a brain Ekrum Get it 18.
Speaker 2:Ain't that a kick in the dick? I'm not gonna do that. Instead I'm gonna do firebolt stick with your psychic yeah, so she's gonna take half. Total damage was 30, so 15 she lets out a cry as her.
Speaker 1:she reaches to grasp her head and she drops uh, as you've shattered her mind With that, you've defeated Kaga. Her unconscious, lifeless body is there on the floor. You two sprint towards the time dragon and see it still breathing.
Speaker 2:That was going to be a make sure she's dead moment. You know you want to double tap.
Speaker 3:I was thinking about it I'm like you got the uh go put your uh good healing help on her, I'll uh.
Speaker 2:Or on the time dragon, I'll be uh I only get one of those per long rest, so I can do it in eight hours. Oh sorry, I had a moment of clarity there. I don't know what I just said a little meta narrative there. Yeah, yeah, sorry I I used it to to save your life again, oh yeah, really unappreciative chester, I mean all right, I didn't know dude, sorry I was dead.
Speaker 2:No, I'll be dramatic. In the moment I was like I I'm sorry I tapped out, I can't well I just slowly like stand on kaga's neck, just like don't worry about this yeah, oh, the healing magic.
Speaker 1:I was like, yeah, all right, I mean, she has this ability where she'd pop back up at one hit point, uh, but it really with you standing on her neck she's just like trying to bite her time. Be like play possum Kaga play possum.
Speaker 2:This is why I said make sure she's dead.
Speaker 3:Do you go over to the time, dragon, do I?
Speaker 2:I thought that's where we both went.
Speaker 3:I was going to say, as you go, talk to her, because it takes a minute to stand on someone's neck until they're dead.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask if you wanted to do the honors or if you're. I know you're a bit squeamish, so it's not really glory to grow I guess it's not really a glory thing.
Speaker 3:I'm just gonna make sure this nothing bad happens over here. You go see what's up and I will all right.
Speaker 1:Uh, you go run to the time, dragon. You see? Uh, shallow breaths, um. Several superficial wounds dot its body and then one deep gash seems to be near where its heart was. The area around it is fast decaying Through this luminous form. Black lines of rot begin to emanate from that wound. Her eyes snap open. She goes Akram, where did you come from?
Speaker 2:Kind of hell, but right now what's important is getting you better, because it looks like you're in very rough shape.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, well, I've been better, I've also been worse. I kind of exist in all points of time. So like my best day is also my worst day. It's very confusing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what can I do to help you? Is there like a secret, like band-aid, like something?
Speaker 1:Yes, you can help, you can go and fix all of this, and she goes. I need you and Chester to make it to the center of the city, to the soul of it. Only there can you set things right, and that's where we're going to end this one.
Speaker 3:Did you say more cardio? God damn it. Yeah, All right guys.
Speaker 1:You beat Kaga. You kept her from having a dramatic reveal coming back Freddy Krueger style at the end because you smothered her with a pillow metaphorically but where can we find you guys? Where can we see you otherwise?
Speaker 3:oh, hi everybody. I'm Tyson Cox. You can find me at Tyson Cox comedy. Follow me on Instagram. That's kind of where I post everything linktree or linktree slash. Tyson Cox comedy for all the other stuff.
Speaker 2:All right, my name is Tyler Waltz. You can find everything I do at mostly YouTube, or also Instagram and Facebook at Nerd News.
Speaker 1:And you can find me on all of my comedy stuff at KevinEgglestoncom or at Kevin underscore egg on the socials.