Previously on Monster Monster, Vance and Dolan discovered that Essel, the local priest, used to be a holy soldier for Soldeus. Just in time for him to get taken, and Zang has just went inside the castle to check in on what's happening with the vote.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Monster Monster, a live play D&D podcast where comedians play the tabletop role-playing game that is Dungeons Dragons 5th edition. I am Tyson Cox, my name is Tyler Waltz and I'm Brianth Edition. I am Tyson Cox.
Speaker 3:My name is Tyler Waltz and I'm Brian Petrie.
Speaker 2:I am playing Vance Ironside.
Speaker 1:I am the Dungeon Master.
Speaker 3:And I am Toland Mir.
Speaker 1:Zendrin, why are we doing this?
Speaker 2:Yes, For fame. Tyler, we're doing this for fame.
Speaker 1:Either way, thank you all so much for joining us on episode five, season two, and we're just going to get right into it.
Speaker 2:Let's go, baby.
Speaker 1:Immediately where we left off was Essel getting kicked out of this fort makeshift house by a rather large orc in full Suleyman armor, laughing as you think you've pulled the wool over their eyes, when in actuality they know exactly where Essel is.
Speaker 2:Well, we never said it was Essel specifically. That is true. We don't know who got taken.
Speaker 1:So you're still keeping up the facade.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, hello, bloody sir, hello, not bloody sir. He goes. You don't look like no soldiers of mine. No, no, no, no, we just. Uh, one of your soldiers just got taken, I believe. Um, all we know is that someone ran over there. We were minding our own business.
Speaker 2:We're just just trying to help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's a cleric. He likes healing people A little horny, but you know we're leaving that in episode four.
Speaker 2:Most of them are. I just look like a guy. Don't you do that? Don't you put that on me?
Speaker 3:But no, we found this and the only other place we could see to find in the area that had one of these was here we could see to find in the area that had one of these was here.
Speaker 1:Well, if you're saying one of my men was taken, then let's just do a quick little roll call and he goes, boys. And then about that time some guards block off the gate to where you can't get out and he goes well, do the head count and then everybody kind of files in and he looks at you and he goes just to let you know if you're lying to me, there's going to be two less people in this town.
Speaker 2:That's crazy.
Speaker 1:You're kicking two of your guards out, if we lied. Yeah, he just starts counting. What he said. Is there anything that you guys are going to do while?
Speaker 3:he's doing the head count. I speak Draconic. Okay yeah, because growing up in the orphanage that was my buddy and I'm gonna whisper over to Essel, essel, yeah.
Speaker 1:What the fuck is going on. He goes. I don't speak Draconic Not all Dragonborn Shit.
Speaker 3:It's like one of those ones when you say gracias at a restaurant and they look at you and go okay, I was born in Missouri.
Speaker 1:They're like you're welcome.
Speaker 2:He whispers back. I do that to white people. That's what I do.
Speaker 1:Gracias, senor. But he looks back at you and he goes. They discovered that I wasn't particularly down with Sodeus anymore and made sure that I couldn't help anymore. He was like coughing and just real beat up. He goes. I'm not really sure Greg is kind of known for, uh, not really asking many questions uh survivors, don't he? He's like very nervous, he's like I think you get what I'm trying to say, but he's more of a like survivors, don't ask questions, kind of deal. So it's not good right now.
Speaker 3:They were trying to hey, hey, there, greg, is it cra Craig?
Speaker 1:He goes oh, I'm counting.
Speaker 3:Now, how many soldiers did you have in this fort? About 32. 32 is an oddly specific number, and you said about he's about four foot tall. Would you say that that's correct?
Speaker 1:He looks at. You're talking about the dwarf. Seems more like 310.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm for one on my profile, so it's safe to say, you could give or take two inches, just like you could give or take two soldiers.
Speaker 1:Oh I know you can't give up manpower like that. That's how you lose battles, yeah all 30 men strong.
Speaker 2:Here you gaslighting me Kind of Wait if we're missing one. All 33 strong men you got.
Speaker 1:And about that time he goes. Oh well, do you know their names?
Speaker 3:No, all we had was this.
Speaker 1:And you also didn't say two soldiers, you said one.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But just a second ago you said two of your soldiers.
Speaker 3:Well, we were comparing them to inches of height in dwarves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was four foot one. We're just saying a bunch of numbers to try to mess with his head, uh-huh. He goes, I don't have time to mess with any of this. Have you heard of the band Avenged Sevenfold? Or Five Finger Death Punch? Three Finger Death punch actually, oh.
Speaker 1:He goes, just wrangle them up, throw them in prison and we'll deal with them later. Do you know who my dad is?
Speaker 3:Hit him.
Speaker 1:What do we do? Huh, what do we do? Well, traditionally, you can't just barge into a military outpost and not expect any consequences For entering.
Speaker 2:We're just trying to help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we came in to tell you your guys were missing and then you threw a bloody and battered man at our feet Pretty weird and then tried to arrest us for telling you you're missing someone.
Speaker 1:I know I'm not missing anybody. Roll deception checks With disadvantage. Oh shoot 15 7. So you matched in a 15 16.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, cool, roll real life deception check.
Speaker 1:At least you didn't do the weird double blink From last time. He goes. Well, I'm not taking any risks with some of these locals that are already trying to fuck up a good election. Just lock them up.
Speaker 2:We're getting arrested.
Speaker 1:And a couple of soldiers come up to try and put handcuffs on you, how do you react?
Speaker 2:You're not going to want to do that.
Speaker 3:That's probably not the best idea, oh is that a threat? No, it's a promise. Two, that's probably not the best idea.
Speaker 1:Oh, is that a threat, no, it's a promise. Two versus 32. You're that cocky, eh?
Speaker 3:You're still missing a guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you had 33, it'd be a different story.
Speaker 1:Yeah well you're going to be missing a few teeth.
Speaker 2:I don't enjoy your company Roll initiative. I'm just being honest. Oh fuck 18. Nat 20.
Speaker 1:Greg was ready to go. 12. Because of that, I'm not going to be mean and make them all share initiative because then it would just be 32 soldiers, just a cartoon dust cloud. Yeah, thank you for tuning into season two. Our heroes fucking died. They got the shit beat out of them. What's he?
Speaker 2:wearing Greg.
Speaker 1:Soldean armor Yep, just normal half plate With that. Greg will go first with his nat 20. And he goes oh, it's getting awfully boring in this town and he pulls out a two-handed axe.
Speaker 2:And he goes.
Speaker 1:I think we've gotten enough information out of this one and he swings it down at Essel.
Speaker 2:I stop him. Ow, I wish I don't.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, I prefer if you didn't. He is prone, so he gets advantage. And Essel is not wearing armor right now. Yeah, so right square into the side of essel, the axe buries deep, leaving essel in a very critical condition. Well, he's not gonna be in episode seven. He, it's episode five right now. So what's gonna happen in episode 6?
Speaker 2:oh god, it's a, just a flashback episode of just his whole life.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, we're not even, it's just you in a closet and then he takes one of his hands off of the axe and he reaches behind him to grab a hand axe and just laser beams that straight at you, vance, does a 17 hit. 17 does hit, as you are hit with 4 slashing damage as the hand axe bounces off your shoulder armor my body. Vance, it is now your turn.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go ahead. There's the guy that's right at me, and then there's the the two like right at me, and then there's the the two soldiers that blocked your exit. Behind you at the gate.
Speaker 1:Essel is about five-ish feet in front of you and then about Five feet behind him. Well, Greg, excuse me, ran up to him and then right behind him is Greg.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And then all the other soldiers scattered about.
Speaker 2:I would like to do a guiding bolt at Greg Okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that is a dexterity saving throw on my end. No.
Speaker 2:I believe I make a ranged attack spell on a target, 23 to hit.
Speaker 1:Nice, all right. So that does hit Greg. What is the damage on that?
Speaker 2:Hell yeah 5d6.
Speaker 1:12. 16. 16 damage on Greg Uh-huh. All right, anything else on your turn.
Speaker 2:And the next attack made against it before the end of my next turn has advantage.
Speaker 1:Nice, Okay, good to know. Up next we've got Dolan.
Speaker 3:Where am I in?
Speaker 1:relation to Greg, about 10 feet away from him, 5, 10 feet-ish. You said they were all drinking whiskey. The ones around the campfire were so about half of them.
Speaker 3:Whiskey barrels, I'm assuming, yeah, the soldiers that are over there. How many are there near the campfire with the barrels? Probably about 10. I'm going to cast a firebolt at the barrels of whiskey.
Speaker 1:Okay, pew. Yeah roll me that two hit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a 15.
Speaker 1:15. That absolutely hits a stationary barrel. Yeah, nice.
Speaker 3:Roll me your damage.
Speaker 1:That's a four. That's a four, okay. Okay, you notice that the top of the barrel ignites, but the explosion hasn't happened yet. Hmm, so it's more of like a.
Speaker 3:Now you've created a ticking time bomb In that case, I will use a bonus action to dash towards it. Okay, donkey Kong it.
Speaker 1:That's pretty much what I'm doing I will say that you'll take an opportunity attack from the soldiers that went behind you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, they take a swing with a sword and I'm assuming a nine does behind you. Yeah, okay, they take a swing with a sword and I'm assuming a nine does not hit Nope.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was about to say, if it did, we need to rework your character. We are in trouble.
Speaker 3:I'm going to dash towards it and while I'm sliding towards it, I'm just going to kick it towards the campfire.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, sounds good. Roll me an acrobatics check or athletics Dealer's choice, that's a 15. A 15. Yeah, you successfully knock over the barrel and as you knock it over, the cork that was in it, because it's rolling, busts off, leaving a trail of whiskey as it slides into the group and the fire path has started. Next turn, it will explode and with that it is now the soldier's turn to the group and the fire path has started.
Speaker 1:Next turn it will explode and with that it is now the soldier's turn. The two that are behind Vance will take their swings. That's definitely going to miss. Not even going to ask. And that one was one better, so nope, nice. And then three more. Jump in 17 does hit, miss, and definitely hit, miss, and definitely miss. Okay, so one out of the five hit you with a short sword, doing four piercing damage. That's not a lot, but it's going to add up real fast it could. Yeah, with this many people.
Speaker 2:Remember, we're level three. Yeah, I'm very aware.
Speaker 1:You guys went to a fort.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we entered the fort we didn't think we were like, hey, we're here Kill them oh. You guys don't get a lot of mail, do you?
Speaker 1:And then about three more jump over to you, brian, sorry.
Speaker 2:I just used your legal name.
Speaker 3:Christian name, yeah, my gub name yeah, dolan Dolan.
Speaker 1:Does a 14 hit you? It does not. Okay, that's an 18. Yeah, that hit and then an 11. So only one of them hit you with a short sword, doing five piercing damage. The other ones are still holding back because you don't want to get too many cooks in the kitchen. We're back up to Greg and Greg puts his second hand back and he sees that Essel is bleeding out. Oh, actually I forgot to. You guys won't know whether it's a success or not but, Essel's first death saving throw.
Speaker 2:We'll know if he lives or dies by the fact that, if he's dead or not. But Essel's first death saving throw, we'll know if he lives or dies by the fact that, if he's dead or not, correct, but right now you don't know how he's stabilizing or not?
Speaker 1:So, he just did his first saving. Throw Back up to Greg. He puts his hand back, he's like I think I can join this fight, and he turns around to you, dolan, and he takes a mighty swing with a greataxe for a 13. 13 misses.
Speaker 1:And he follows it up with his extra attack, which is a 15. Yeah, you hit me, oh, okay. Well, I found the magic number and that is 8, slashing damage Oof. And at about that time you see the blood red shoot through his eyes as he rages Mm-hmm. And now we are back to Vance. You have five soldiers on you at the moment.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna go ahead and just do another guiding bolt on. Oh, you said there's five on me.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And the damage carries over. I'm just gonna shoot it into the crowd of soldiers that are wailing on me. Okay, yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1:Non-natural 20. All right, that definitely hits. Roll your damage. Ah, 15. 15? Yeah, three of the soldiers go down.
Speaker 2:They're just in a straight line. I point my stubby little dwarven finger and, like Frieza, just a laser beam shoots out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so three of them go down. Anything else you'd like to do?
Speaker 2:I'd like to run to. Well, I guess I'm in the. I can't really run because I'm surrounded. Well, you killed three of them so you got two, well, still two, that's two dudes.
Speaker 1:Bye Dolan, it's like a good luck.
Speaker 2:No, I was going to run towards Esen, but that feels bad, so no, I'm just going to nothing. Okay, I snarl at the two remaining soldiers.
Speaker 1:Like I said, you're not going to want to do that. All right, Dolan. What would you like to do? Back to you?
Speaker 3:I'm over by the barrels. There is a trail of fire rolling towards the campfire. Yep, how many soldiers are surrounding me? Again Five.
Speaker 1:Yes, two of them split from the fire area, so now there's eight over there and a couple came in from the outside.
Speaker 3:So there's eight by the fire and two on the outside. I am going to how many barrels are there?
Speaker 1:Whiskey, there was just that one.
Speaker 3:They were all just sharing that one barrel. I'm going to dash towards Vance. And yeah, I'm going to dash towards Vance. That's opportunity attacks.
Speaker 2:Yes, he could disengage right, yeah, I can, I'm going to use my Vance.
Speaker 3:That's opportunity attacks. Yes, he could disengage right, yeah, I can. I'm going to use my monk ability to disengage Cool Yep. I'm going to dash over by Vance.
Speaker 2:I just imagine like a kung fu movie, where you just like jump and spin, crouching tight.
Speaker 3:Yes, just laying right next to you. What's up, vince? What an? A Every time you say that I think you forgot my name, then you pull it out right at the very end.
Speaker 2:It's an impressive tactic. It's frustrating, but also heartwarming.
Speaker 3:And then I'm going to use Gust at the campfire to just spread that fire around.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, awesome, sounds great. Anything else on your turn?
Speaker 3:No, that's it.
Speaker 1:All right, it is now back to the soldier's turn. No, that's it. All right, it is now back to the soldier's turn. And about that time that barrel hits that sweet spot by the campfire and ignites, doing the soldier's like oh my God, that guy's so graceful, yeah, woof. Doing 42 damage to the surrounding area, killing all but one of those soldiers.
Speaker 2:Vance is like that guy does not fuck around.
Speaker 1:The remaining two on Vance start swinging and two more come in, so you're each going to get two attacks against you. Dolan will do you first, 13. So a 13 and a 19. Oh, 19 hits, that is two. Piercing damage, minimum damage Two on you, vance, 10. And a 13. Miss and miss Alrighty Essel makes his second death saving throw. You did it, I did. And then back up to Greg. Greg, seeing this explosion just sets him off and he charges both of you, make me dexterity saving throws.
Speaker 2:As I'm jumping out of the way I'm like you should get therapy yeah, that'll help. Seven, twelve and twelve.
Speaker 1:Okay, both Twelve and twelve.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Both of you take four damage but are knocked prone. But then we're back to Vance. Actually, that move that I made works a lot better if him and the soldiers go at the same time. Because they'll knock you over and then they just kick the shit out of you. Get him.
Speaker 2:I am going to go ahead, ahead and, since I'm prone, use half my movement to get up, and then I'm going to swing at him with my mace. Okay, does a 15 hit, it does Nice, and I'll hit him for four damage.
Speaker 1:Okay, anything else there's still time to give up. Alright, just trying he looks at you and he goes. I haven't given up in years. I will, however, make sure that, regardless of what happens here, you will not make it out of this city. And he says boys wrangle them up as he continues on his path and starts heading towards the castle.
Speaker 3:That's right run.
Speaker 1:Coward. Now you're trying to bait him back.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Roll an intimidate.
Speaker 2:I don't think we want him to go there. Yep Intimidation Good luck 15.
Speaker 1:Ooh, 19. I was like 23.
Speaker 2:23.
Speaker 1:You just roll it again.
Speaker 2:No, I just say a bigger number. That's how math works. Yeah, I could just lie. I don't have to fake a roll. Yeah, yeah, we're on camera.
Speaker 1:So he just keeps going and uh, you now have about 14 ish soldiers left.
Speaker 2:Well, anything else. I feel that's like I attacked, I intimidated. This feels like it's a lot of actions.
Speaker 1:Okay, right on. Well, you still, because talking is a free action. So you still have like a bonus action if you have like a healing word or something.
Speaker 2:Don't play my character better than me.
Speaker 1:I'm not, I'm just looking out for Essel.
Speaker 2:I would like to do that. Then I'd like to cast healing word. Do you have?
Speaker 1:Healing.
Speaker 2:Word I do Nice 2d4 plus 2. Okay so 9.
Speaker 1:9. All right, essel is back up, very beaten, bruised, basically just wearing a pair of shoddy pants.
Speaker 2:Get that dragonborn stank on it yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yep, that was a big, a big point to bring up.
Speaker 2:Last episode. If you guys are confused, listen to the last episode.
Speaker 1:With that Dolan we are on you.
Speaker 3:You said, there's 14 soldiers left surrounding us.
Speaker 1:Five are on you, the rest are behind Essel, coming out of the buildings and tents.
Speaker 3:How far are they from me?
Speaker 1:Probably about 30, 40 feet.
Speaker 3:Is there anything by my feet? And is there anything around me like any? Because after that explosion I'm surprised. Things probably blew up and flew around everywhere oh yeah, there's wood scraps and stuff everywhere.
Speaker 1:The only like weapons that are near you is that hand axe that was thrown by greg yeah, I'm gonna grab that okay, yeah, just out of my shoulder.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it bounced off your armor, it landed somewhere uh, I'm gonna snatch that up, um, and then I'm going to look at vince with an, a yep, and tell him that we should get the hell out of here all right okay, yeah, dude, we gotta go. All right, I'm not taking on 14. I I can't.
Speaker 1:He looks like coming from the guy that just killed eight in a turn.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that I mean, look at us man, he looks like half an eaten sandwich.
Speaker 2:That's not we gotta get him out of here.
Speaker 3:All right, I say we disengage and take off running.
Speaker 1:Okay, essel is not by you guys. He's up where he was getting attacked by Greg. So, it's you guys and the soldiers around you, and then five to ten feet in front of you is Essel.
Speaker 3:I see now and the exit is behind the soldiers, correct?
Speaker 1:The ones that are surrounding you. There's like two behind you and then a couple on your flank.
Speaker 3:I'm going to say take this axe, and I'm going to cut Essel's shackles. I'm just going to hit his shackles loose Sounds good.
Speaker 1:Roll me a two hit. You don't have to roll damage, that is a 17. Perfect, yep, you slice it clean in half, freeing his hands.
Speaker 3:Nice, nice. How do we get the hell out of here, essel?
Speaker 1:Essel basically is like we just need to push through those ones behind you, and then he's kind of getting himself put back together and then does that end your turn.
Speaker 3:That's going to end my turn.
Speaker 1:All right, it is now the soldier's turn. So, all the five that are around you, we'll do three on Vance with a 12., a 12. And a 13. Just real, slightly above average, but you can't do it though.
Speaker 3:Stormtroopers over there, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And the two on Dolan, and one of those is a 17. That hits Shortsword, doing four piercing. Two of them run up to Essel rolling a nine and an eight Missing him. You guys are shitty. You guys are shitty.
Speaker 2:You guys are bad.
Speaker 1:It is now Essel's turn To where Essel almost like just that old school soldier in him just locks in Like no weapons, Just reaches over and grabs the head of the. Well, I guess he's going to attempt to grab the head of the soldier next to him With an opposed strength check. He succeeds and he just buries it into the ground doing five bludgeoning damage, killing the soldier, and then he back elbows at the other soldier, but he's very caught up in the moment and misses.
Speaker 2:God, everyone here is so much cooler than I am. I'm trying, man Damn.
Speaker 1:Back up top. No, greg. And then now we are back at Vance.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're just going to go ahead. So we've got to clear out behind me, right? Yes, I'm going to just go ahead and do another guiding bolt, first level. All right Boop Ooh, 23 to hit 23 to hit is definitely it yeah. And 13 damage Okay.
Speaker 1:Yep. Three of the soldiers go down. There's still time to leave and a bonus action.
Speaker 2:I like to healing word myself Cool For six damage or six health.
Speaker 1:Dolan, we are getting pretty close to the end of this. There are two soldiers still around you, guys, and one next to Essel.
Speaker 3:I'm going to focus on the two that are next to us. Okay, I'm going to. How are they standing?
Speaker 2:On their feet.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's probably best. Stay tuned for our next play or next episode. Yeah, that's probably best.
Speaker 1:Stay tuned for our next player next episode.
Speaker 2:I'm still here. I have to set up the equipment, so I'm just sat in the background, where Vance will also be disappearing. Monster, monster, New players every two episodes.
Speaker 1:So yeah, the ones that are still surrounding you. I would say that Vance hit like a cone-ish in front of him.
Speaker 3:I know that's not how the spell works.
Speaker 2:We're doing pack, you know.
Speaker 1:He probably got the three to his side. My God is thick, so there's one behind you and off to your side.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And then I guess, the one in between you and Essel.
Speaker 3:I'm going to look at the one that's between me and the exit, the one that's behind me, and I'm just going to chunk this ax straight at his face. Go for it. Yeah, give me that sweet sweet to hit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, a two does not hit. No, Unfortunately it doesn't?
Speaker 3:Oh, what if you had your bonuses? Do you have a?
Speaker 2:plus 13? Not hit. No, oh, what if you had your bonuses? Do you have a plus 13? No, no, alright.
Speaker 3:Rooting for it. No I miss, and so what I will do in that case is I will dash towards.
Speaker 1:Essel. Okay, not disengaging.
Speaker 3:No, not disengaging. Yeah, I've already used that 15.
Speaker 1:It hits.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can use disengage. Is it your whole action?
Speaker 3:Once per turn. Yeah, it's a new turn. Oh yeah, it is a new turn and that's a monk ability. Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1:I got you. So, yeah, you can use your disengage. Yeah, okay, alright, so you will not take that. Three piercing damage, sweet, and you make it over next to Essel.
Speaker 3:So that would still leave the other two standing.
Speaker 1:By Vance.
Speaker 3:By Vance.
Speaker 1:Now the one in front of you and Essel.
Speaker 3:Yes, I get. Oh, that was my bonus action.
Speaker 1:That's the end of my turn.
Speaker 3:Okay, yep.
Speaker 1:It is now the soldier's turn. Two swings on Vance Nine Eleven.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to say that's a 12.
Speaker 1:It's like. I rolled the first one and then the second one was like oh well, so two misses, there's still time to leave.
Speaker 2:All right, You're going to roll that intimidation I would freak out If I miss twice. The guy's very calm about it, Like, ah, you're probably right 13.
Speaker 1:Okay, he goes. Yeah, fuck this man. And then he drops his weapons and runs.
Speaker 2:Nice.
Speaker 1:Or I guess both of them do. Um, and then the one takes another swing at Essel, hitting him with a 15. Cause he's not wearing any armor, and Essel takes four piercing damage. It is now Essel's turn and he takes that hit like a champ and then just dukes Two swings.
Speaker 2:Shits.
Speaker 3:Yeah, big stinky, big stain, dragon board stain.
Speaker 1:It's like. This is how I get away from the pain.
Speaker 2:I flexed too hard, guys, I flexed it out.
Speaker 3:He squeezes up like an iguana.
Speaker 1:He gets one hit, knocking out the soldier clean.
Speaker 2:Nice, that's all of them, right, yep. So are we out of combat now?
Speaker 1:You are out of combat.
Speaker 2:I'd like to quickly be like quick assets here and I pick up the sword. Are you going to get his name right? No, no, asshole here and gonna get his name right? No, no, uh, essel here and I. I grabbed the uh, like panic, like the fight's still going, but like here and I pick up a sword from the ground.
Speaker 1:I just throw it over to him and he catches it and then he looks around to see everybody gone and then he drops it and he says thank you for the consideration, but a little late you had a sword this whole time.
Speaker 2:I got it just now, damn it.
Speaker 1:Why don't you have weapons? I have weapons.
Speaker 3:I just don't want to lose them.
Speaker 1:So you just picked up that hand axe.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright, that makes sense. That adds up and Essel goes we need to get to the castle. That's just the plan. We just need to get to the castle.
Speaker 2:Could just need to get to the castle. Could we do that in like 18 hours? Is that a possibility for a long rest? No, we need to go now.
Speaker 1:The vote is being finalized right now and I'm deathly afraid of what could happen.
Speaker 2:Alright, hey, good job exploding all those dudes and he starts just making his way towards the castle.
Speaker 1:okay, so you guys head to the castle and I just nudge Essel and I go.
Speaker 3:It's so great watching him run.
Speaker 2:It's hilarious yeah, I'm like, I'm like spreading ears, just like long stepping frolicking so mystical, so mystical, do you give Essel like his Long?
Speaker 3:stepping Frolicking. So mystical, so mystical. Do you give Essel like his armor? Yeah, we give him his armor.
Speaker 1:We go to that alley and we fight off some homeless people off of it and we give it to him. So you gear him back up and he goes. We have a little bit of time and then he gets. You guys go back to the church and you are able to get healing.
Speaker 1:Oh, nice, so you guys don't get any of your spell slots or anything back, but you will get fully restored when it comes to your health. Nice, and he goes look, I don't know if we're necessarily going to be able to come back here after tonight, so we need to be ready. And he opens up a cupboard and hands each of you a potion of healing.
Speaker 2:Oh nice.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 2:So this is our last chance being here. I walk up to that nun we were talking to earlier. I'm like I love you.
Speaker 3:I've always loved you.
Speaker 1:Run away with me. No, I'm just kidding. I was like roll, one hell of a persuasion Roll is creep. Yeah, roll to get her to disengage from her religion.
Speaker 2:So is that athletics check Just flex out her.
Speaker 1:You make it to the front of the castle where a crowd is gathering and the murmurings are so loud it's hard to even hear your own thoughts as you wait on the results and at about that time royal horns like a big proclamation is about to happen that's why you get paid the big bucks that's why I don't have to edit it in, it's just right, yeah like on the michaelinslow of D&D podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, as the castle doors open on the balcony, the doors open as the king comes out to greet his subjects and he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, it seems as though there are certain people around that do not want the will of the people to go through, and at about that time you see Greg holding up with one hand Zang.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 1:Is that?
Speaker 2:Zang, or is that just? Am I racist? Why would you do that to yourself?
Speaker 1:He's like oh, this is my foot.
Speaker 3:And I just go, I pat him on the head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, dolan, oh damn it. And he's holding up Zang, who seems unconscious, and he's holding up Zhang, who seems unconscious, and he goes for those of you that believe in the will of the people, what shall we do with this traitor to our nation? Put him down and leave him alone and give him a nice back rub. Seize him, god damn it.
Speaker 3:And the crowd just starts murmuring Exile exile?
Speaker 2:yeah, is that what you're saying I'm yelling yeah, um.
Speaker 1:And then, as he's looking around the crowd, you start to hear uh, roll me insight checks 20, 19. Okay, look at us most of the murmurs are people very confused because they haven't even said the results or anything yet. So this person is getting accused of something before we even know what happened. Yeah, so it seems like the general populace isn't necessarily buying into it, with the exception of some scattered groups that are just infuriated already.
Speaker 2:How do we? How do we know anything? Because the results aren't in yet it's very specific.
Speaker 1:Yeah, phrasing coming out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, those are the crowd members screaming that yeah and he goes.
Speaker 1:now we have a general idea of how we expected this election to go, so before we get ahead of ourselves. And then he gestures and a soldier comes out with a piece of paper and he goes we shall see these results and then make a decision from here. And the crowd is just getting very uncomfortable at this point because, like they're clearly saying that this seems like a big presentation like this is all very convenient for what's happening around and he opens up the piece of paper and give me another insight check 13, 9 vance, you notice.
Speaker 1:And he looks at the paper, just shocked and he goes secession has been denied yeah and a large group just start cheering in front of the castle yeah, I start a slow clap.
Speaker 2:I start a slow clap, but everyone, start a slow clap, but everyone else is already full cheering.
Speaker 1:So I'm just whoo so people are like ah, but a few select groups within the crowd start lashing out and shoving and stuff like that and a very vocal and straight up just partially violent group of people start causing immediate tension in this crowd, as most of these people seem extraordinarily happy, and the King just starts mumbling to himself. He's like, I mean, just just very angry Mumbling, is saying tries to stand up as Greg delivers a swift kick to his side.
Speaker 2:Hey, should we get that dude?
Speaker 3:Not right now.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Fair enough, you remember how hard he hit you.
Speaker 2:Yeah very. I don't, which is kind of a problem.
Speaker 1:That means it was probably pretty hard.
Speaker 2:Very hard.
Speaker 1:And in this chaos, guards start rounding people up, but it's not the ones that are causing the ruckus. It is the people that are being the most vocal about liking the results. And from behind the king, a very mysterious and almost ethereal voice erupts, but you can't hear it. It's almost like it's in your mind and you just hear. Then we shall do it ourselves, as a mystical, shadowy blade appears through the chest of the king.
Speaker 3:Oh shit it's my mom.
Speaker 2:Do you think that's going to be bad for him. It don't look good.
Speaker 1:As he coughs up blood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's not good.
Speaker 3:They're usually supposed to stay in you, yeah.
Speaker 1:And staggers forward. But he's not the only victim. As she brings her attention to Zhang and says well, since you got what you want, I think you're not long for this world. As she steps and crushes his head in front of you.
Speaker 2:Ah, hefty, lady.
Speaker 3:That's what you think, and she's made of smoke.
Speaker 2:Yeah, god.
Speaker 1:And seemingly rising from the shadow of the king is this woman in a bright, brilliant sorcerer's robe. But roll me insight, checks Eight.
Speaker 3:Thirteen.
Speaker 1:Eight and thirteen, dolan. You are actually the only one that sees her Vance. You see that it looks like Greg did it. As the king falls to his knees coughing blood and Zhang dies in front of you, you hear Dolan rise as a bunch of shadowy figures completely envelop the crowd, and that is where we're leaving off.
Speaker 3:Ooh. Ah Well, well Darkness. It's not going to be. It's not the orgy I expected.
Speaker 2:That is not. It's not what I was trying to yell about last time?
Speaker 1:Yeah, just proclamations and then getting pierced from behind.
Speaker 2:They didn't even do an announcement.
Speaker 1:They did Nobody there was no checkered flags what I was trying to yell about last time?
Speaker 3:Yeah, just proclamations and then getting pierced from behind. They didn't even do an announcement.
Speaker 1:They did Nobody. There was no checkered flags, nothing. Yeah, because I would have thrown in a white flag immediately. We're out, I'm out.
Speaker 2:That's the episode guys.
Speaker 1:That is the episode.
Speaker 2:Check out our live shows. We got coming up. I'll get those posted. We also, you know, new episode every other week. Tell a friend, like, share, subscribe, review, all that fun stuff. It helps us out a ton because currently we have no advertising. So all the growth we've seen, which is actually pretty good, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1:We're very excited, we are very thankful it's just been word of mouth and sharing.
Speaker 2:So thank you again. You guys are fantastic. If you'd like, we have a Patreon where we put our live shows on and all that stuff exclusive swag and da da, da, da, da, da you know how Patreons work yeah, thanks for having me, guys.
Speaker 3:I'm excited to be a part of this new story we're very excited to have you nice.
Speaker 1:Thank you all so much and we'll see you in the next episode, boop.