Monster Monster
Welcome to Monster Monster! A live play table top role playing game podcast! We are currently running our second season of D&D 5th edition
Monster Monster
Caravans and Chaos - Ep 1 - No Ticket
War does not determine who is right, but who is left, bertrand Russell. We open on a four-cart caravan traveling west through the Oathmakers Coalition, one of the four primary powers through the land, though the weakest among them. The caravan seems like any other quiet, tense and solemn. We enter cart three, the civilian transport, carrying everything from elves to orcs, to tabaxi to tiefling and everything in between, and though they don't know it now, perhaps the two most important people of this era. This is their story and how they changed Terra. Divus forever and welcome to Monster Monster.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, alright, it's not bad.
Speaker 3:Alright, I see what we're doing there.
Speaker 1:I spent like eight minutes on that, oh no.
Speaker 2:Careful, Tyler. People are going to start thinking we tried. Yeah, I tried.
Speaker 3:Well, there's no we in this. He tried.
Speaker 1:Thank you everybody for tuning in. I think we're just going to get right into it. So let's start to my left, kevin, who are you?
Speaker 3:I'm Kevin Eggleston and I'll be playing Frolin Liltis, a dragonborn warrior who's just wanting to make sure that everyone knows how great he is, which may sound different next week when your voice is better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hey everybody, welcome to Monster Monster. I'm Tyson Cox.
Speaker 1:I'm playing a Vance Ironside, a cleric out wandering the land just trying to do some good out there and my name is Tyler Waltz and I will be the DM for Season 2. And I'm very excited to get this started. Thank you all so much for tuning in for Season 1, and we look forward to bringing you another phenomenal Season 2. But with that we're going to get started. We zoom in on that caravan and to you guys, it's a year into this conflict and it really is just another day in the life.
Speaker 1:At this point there's not really anybody that's too excited. There's not very many people that are downtrodden. It almost seems like this is a conflict that most of the public has been able to stay out of for the most part, however, to which we will find out in future episodes. You two have been drastically affected by this war and you are currently heading west. In the cart you see a bunch of maybe familiar faces because you know people travel back and forth doing constant shipments. You guys are just run-of-the-mill mercenaries or just trying to find a perk. In the cart you see a familiar, tabaxi named.
Speaker 2:Thanum. What do we know of Thanum Getting that?
Speaker 1:real deep boy. Tyson, go ahead and roll me a history check to see what you do remember of your encounters with Thanum and Kevin. You're more than welcome to give it a go as well. 15. I was a good listener. 8. 8. Okay, so, kevin, you don't remember too much. I guess I should start using your character names, interesting being the DM. But Vance, you remember that Fainan is very well known for essentially serving whoever needs him in the moment Okay.
Speaker 1:He's a traveling merchant. He goes from town to town. He's like oh, this town seems to have lower weapons, so he'll buy some weapons and sell them higher, like an old school stock trader, basically Okay. And with that he has made many friends, but also many enemies. And he looks up and he goes ah, vance, what set you west? Word from above that's vague as hell. He goes ah right, I remember that you had that religious reawakening, one might say.
Speaker 2:Yes, I never really left. I've been here. I done been here. I done been here, still figuring out the character voice For this one I done been religious.
Speaker 3:Okay, baby Billy, oh no.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:And he leans in and he goes. Have you, have you heard rumors of the Of the caravans that haven't quite made it back east yet?
Speaker 2:Well, I haven't been that way, so no.
Speaker 1:He goes. Fair warning from a friend those who tend to go west are having a hard time getting back.
Speaker 2:Is it because they're having such a fun?
Speaker 1:time. I guess it depends on which version of the afterlife they might be in.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I know you're trying to joke right now, but this might actually be a serious matter. Just ball-busting Immediately.
Speaker 2:This is a good, no-butt story so that's going to be most it used to be more fun and he goes uh the, uh the.
Speaker 1:The officials don't necessarily want this information out, but what used to be roving like bands of raiders are now turning into strange creatures that nobody has been able to really tie down. So, as the conflict grows, they're really trying to figure out where these creatures come from. So just keep your eyes peeled.
Speaker 2:You say they're becoming creatures, do you mean they're being replaced or they're actually getting turned into that?
Speaker 1:is what is unsure, unsure? How many arms do they have? I, I do not know of these creatures, I just know that some contacts that owed me, uh, some inventory, and he just kind of winks at you, he's like some inventory uh we're not able to make it back. Uh, and then uh, roll me an insight check, okay, 18. 18. You can tell that he is holding back on information that he does know. Well, that's all I got. Okay, I figured that would be like a prying in.
Speaker 2:Well the thing is he's already given him a lot of information for free, so he's just kind of like a little curious. Why? Because you know, vance, he's been on the road for a while, so it's not like his first time. He could just be trying to lure me into like, oh well, if you pay me.
Speaker 1:Can you roll me a perception check 13. Okay, you are hearing bits and pieces of this. If you're wanting to chime in, okay, but with that perception check, you also notice a familiar guard from your homeland, who happens to be traveling in this caravan, named Harkin. Okay, he has not said anything to you. He's not necessarily avoiding eye contact, but he's not making any effort to speak with you.
Speaker 3:Okay, I think I'm gonna approach Thanon there and I'm going to pull out from my bag a broken sword, but it's got a distinguishing little symbol. It's the symbol of my unit on the hilt Weapons trader. Have you seen, have you dealt with anything carrying this symbol? And I just hold it hilt first towards him.
Speaker 1:And this is to Fainan.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay.
Speaker 1:This happens, like during the conversation with you, and he just kind of leans over and kind of does what he needs to do. He grabs the symbol and goes. Sorry, friend, I can't just give out information on clients here.
Speaker 2:let me take a look.
Speaker 1:He hands it back to the owner and then I guess it's up to Kevin.
Speaker 3:Friend Dwarf, have you seen any of these?
Speaker 2:What is it? Sorry, history check what do I Sure? Yeah, it's a nat 20.
Speaker 3:So what you would probably get with a 20 would be that this unit is kind of it was kind of mildly famous for just kind of being one that you gave a job that you just needed done, didn't ask questions, didn't really go into the whys, they just did it. You also would know that they've been wiped out. So he's got that sword, please. Have you seen this? He's going to kind of turn back to bannon, since he kind of implied that he might know something, but not. I'm going to just do a quick insight check to see if that's actually just like him playing. He's gonna say caddy, but that feels being coy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's a better word there's a fish man behind him being like her kevin.
Speaker 3:Real quick we're gonna do a hard cut, look into that camera and go cabbie and like finger gun I just I don't want to know if that's him being caddy see, that's what the people pay for, that's what this or uh is it can be in know. If that's him being catty See, that's what the people pay for, that's what it is, or is it him?
Speaker 2:being coy, that's an at 20. Okay, yeah, yeah, absolutely. This sword wants to be found, yeah.
Speaker 1:You can tell that when he saw that symbol he got a bit nervous, a bit skittish. He was like maybe I've been dealing with some clients but I can't really Client confidentiality. He's trying to be a little bit cheeky to get you to leave him alone. But also, tyson or Vance, give me a high, low, oh low. Other than the information that Froland gave you, you have not had any contact or have any relation to that group.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, no, I haven't really seen anything, but you said that was your company.
Speaker 3:It was my company.
Speaker 2:yes, I'm sorry to hear.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry that I survived it.
Speaker 1:A lot of apologies.
Speaker 3:We're going west. Sounds like we're going to Canada.
Speaker 1:This takes place in the mystical land of apologies.
Speaker 2:Hello, my name is Apologies.
Speaker 3:Okay, since I kind of have seen this I'm going to, can I do an intimidation check? At the same time, I kind of grab Fanon.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I just need him to understand like.
Speaker 1:Fanon F-E-I-N-E-N. Fanon.
Speaker 2:Please, he's gone mad with power.
Speaker 3:Kevin, yeah.
Speaker 2:Come on, this imaginary cat person would be very insulted.
Speaker 3:Yeah no, I'm like, all right, that's going to be a 20. So you grab him. I'm like, all right, that's going to be a 20. So you grab him. I'm just going to grab him and pull him close and I'm just going to be like I know you think you're protecting someone, but now's not the time to have the cat have your tongue.
Speaker 1:There it is All right. So it's two Cavins zero Tyson.
Speaker 2:I like how we're breaking the fourth wall.
Speaker 3:Vance just turns around just drinking a Corona Label out at the camera.
Speaker 2:I didn't see anything except this refreshing bud light.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you've really rattled. Fanon, right, fanon, it's your character's name.
Speaker 3:Are you asking me to correct? You're saying not anymore.
Speaker 1:Not anymore, it's Fanon. You're your character's name. Are you asking me to correct? You're saying not anymore. Not anymore, it's Fanon. You're the one that got it wrong Now.
Speaker 3:I'm going to be like it's Fanon. You like that. Your name is Fanon. Pretty soon you're going to be Mr Whiskers, if you keep it up, you little shit.
Speaker 2:His name's Thanabanana how are you feeling huh?
Speaker 1:And he goes. I'm not trying to hide anything necessarily important, my friend, but as somebody who deals in all sorts of goods, you run across many folk one might say, and who those people per se do business with or maybe come into contact with I have no business with and then give me another insight check.
Speaker 2:I'd also like to do an insight check.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, 16. Okay, 14. Yeah, basically, if it didn't come across in how I said it, he is very clearly hinting at he has sold weapons or something to people that directly affected it. Mm-hmm, he wasn't directly involved with what happened, but he definitely knows the circumstances around it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just kind of picture him as kind of like also a person that wouldn't have a problem scavenging a weapon like a battlefield.
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 3:So it's like just I'm like if there's any mementos of my unit, I'm like I kind of want those back.
Speaker 2:I'd like to take this like after he finishes. I'll just put a hand on Frolin's back and be like oh, no need to get violent, see he's helping out.
Speaker 3:Friend dwarf, take your hand off of me. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this is between me and the cat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he's being helpful, aren't you, aren't you, thane?
Speaker 1:I mean, you know me, vance, I always do my best to make sure that everybody I deal with is a happy customer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he doesn't need people to figure out a new way to skin a cat.
Speaker 1:Animal violence is never really funny. Tyson, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:Proceeds from tonight's Monster Monster will go to the ASPCA to make up for the horrible thing Tyson just said. Oh man.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so he basically, in that panic, helped me get out of this. It's very much. Yeah, see, I'm being as helpful as possible.
Speaker 3:And this whole time I'm also going to be clocking that guard. What did you say? His name was Horkin Horkin Horkin, just to make sure, horkin doing some orcan. Yep, is he eating a sausage? Is he horkin doing an orcan?
Speaker 1:we're eating some pork and, yeah, it's more of like a soft pretzel. Okay, well, that doesn't rhyme. No, it does not.
Speaker 3:Uh. So I'm just going to be just making sure, like trying to also kind of shield this from him so he doesn't feel like he needs to get involved.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool.
Speaker 3:So you are not interested in getting caught up with your ex-associate?
Speaker 1:I just don't want him to have to, like, do his job For sure, for sure. Okay, so any further pushing you would like to do with the tabaxi?
Speaker 3:Frendorf, I'm going to put this in your hand and I'm going to pull out a sheet of paper and hand it to you when I come back. There had better be a name on this of who you came into contact that had seen that symbol. If there's not, we're going to find out how many lives this cat has left.
Speaker 2:That's not very kind of you.
Speaker 3:It could. Be nine it could be, nine.
Speaker 1:You almost comedically loud you hear from frame it.
Speaker 3:And then I'm going to sidle up to the orc guard and be like Thanks for not getting involved.
Speaker 1:He goes. Sorry for one. I'm having a hard time focusing. Some buddies that were on another caravan were hearing word that they're in a bit of a skirmish just past the neighboring town. What was that all about?
Speaker 3:Old company business.
Speaker 1:Oh, and he just kind of looks down and he goes like I feel like I can never apologize enough for what happened. And about that time the carriage comes to a stop and you guys would recognize this as a military check. Okay, Roll me. History checks with advantage. Okay, that's going to be a 17.
Speaker 2:me uh history checks with advantage.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's gonna be 17.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank god for the advantage. I got a nat one on the first. Uh, history is 15.
Speaker 1:Well, hang on, your advantage would be canceled out because you're not shut up here okay. So you would know that it's standard procedure that everybody gets out, shows their id, has to give a reason for why they're traveling. Roll me perception checks as well, okay as this is like stopping.
Speaker 2:I go to thane and I'm like you might want to.
Speaker 1:Uh, I want to put a little something on that for him uh 16 16 19 okay, oh uh, and he looks at the note and he goes no, no, do you know about his company?
Speaker 2:I?
Speaker 1:heard that some fellas that I may have dealt with that did not give me a name may have had some part, perhaps. No, no, no, what the company used to do. I'm aware, considering their fate, might want to give them a little something. Well, that would be all well and good if I knew the name of the See here. My philosophy has always been everybody's money is good.
Speaker 2:Give him a fucking fake name. Lie how have you survived this long?
Speaker 1:I'm like as we're stopping, yeah, as we're stopping. How have?
Speaker 2:you not Lie.
Speaker 1:Give him a fake name. Well, I'm trying to think of one right now, but here's the thing If he's from this area, then he's going to know Bert Gumbledilp. He traveled in from the east. I appreciate you helping me. I feel like we haven't really necessarily been friends, so this is really cool of you.
Speaker 2:I don't want you to get murdered.
Speaker 1:You're a good man and about that time you're filing out of the cart, you start getting your papers and everything ready. But with those perception checks you notice um, and you're shocked that you haven't noticed before, because he almost sticks out like a sore thumb. Now a sore thumb, yeah, sore thumb.
Speaker 2:Some guy's just like I hit me with a hammer, one of the creatures from spy kids yeah, now my nails all weird, but uh, an elf who is very you know how.
Speaker 1:When assassins creed, it's like how do they not find the? It's literally the guy with all the daggers and the robe in the middle of the other people that are wearing normal pedestrian clothes, your wet dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kevin, I found Tyler's DM insert. Oh, no, no, no he starts juggling daggers and fucking bitches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you should see the hog on this guy. It's big for an elf.
Speaker 2:Big for an elf. Big for an orc.
Speaker 1:too Big for an elf Gross, so gross Professional comedians. But when he gets out of the caravan because you guys were out first you notice him slip underneath to sneak out behind a wheel. Do you guys say anything? Are you just going to let that slide?
Speaker 2:Maybe I'll just keep my eyes open, okay, because not my pig, not my farm, you know.
Speaker 3:Right, I think I'm going to just kind of like try to clock which way he goes, but not necessarily indicate anything out of the ordinary. I mean I kind of more like, uh, if it's an immediate danger, that's the issue. If it's not, it won't be until it is.
Speaker 1:Okay, the line is going everybody's getting their IDs checked. Uh, both of you give me a just D 20 roll.
Speaker 2:Five eight.
Speaker 1:Okay, both low. Uh, we'll say, because cavan was the the lowest, he will be in the front of the line and you got that fast pass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, uh, tsa pre-check oh nice.
Speaker 1:Look at johnny big bucks over here, um. But uh, as you approach, you get your papers out and you hand it over, just like usual, and the guard starts to say something because he recognizes you as literally a fellow soldier. But at about that time a streak of blood leaves the corner of your cheek as a crossbow bolt flies past your head into the neck of that soldier.
Speaker 3:Oh God, that's going to leave a mark. Oh Jesus, he goes. It's going to leave a mark. Oh Jesus, he goes. It's like a die. Stop the wound. And I'm going to just grab his neck.
Speaker 1:Just push the crossbow bolt the rest of the way through. I've got to get it all the way out. I'm just in the back like.
Speaker 2:You can't pull it out, you've got to push it all the way through. Oh man, what a horrific last experience on this planet, it's two people going.
Speaker 1:How did you pull it out of us, oh man.
Speaker 3:Yeah, two idiots being like, how do we save this life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did all we could I have a plus two in medicine.
Speaker 2:I know what we do Tie it off.
Speaker 3:All I've got is this noose. That'll be great and elevate him.
Speaker 2:Get the wound above his heart.
Speaker 1:There's not even a wound above his heart.
Speaker 2:Oh, the neck is technically above the heart. You got me on the technicality on that one. Then you'll hang him up there too.
Speaker 1:As he falls to the ground. And if only it were one crossbow bolt, but a hail of arrows and crossbow bolts just start peppering all these caravans, Vance just turns up and goes. I'm immune because this is the first episode.
Speaker 3:How'd that work for Chester?
Speaker 1:He didn't die. Call back to season one. Actually, let's just roll this back and I'm going to replace that soldier with Vance.
Speaker 3:Vance is checking his own papers. Some of this doesn't look in order.
Speaker 2:Hey, what have I been up to? I don't know.
Speaker 3:You tell me Do you have anything to declare? I don't know, do I? I think?
Speaker 1:I'm a phony, but with that roll me.
Speaker 2:All right strip search.
Speaker 1:Cough.
Speaker 3:Just on yourself. Where did this mace come from? Where didn't it come?
Speaker 1:from Alright, this guy's suspicious, he's gonna need a cavity check. Oh no, Hope nobody smooches him 18.
Speaker 3:Oh, what was the roll.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Initiative.
Speaker 2:Don't worry, I have a pretty good initiative. So it's a 13 on the die, so 12.
Speaker 3:No, you don't get to finger guns a bad roll.
Speaker 2:No, it's a 13. It's a decent roll. It's a bad initiative. I'm a bit of an older dwarf, I don't know Heavy in the weight and armor and age.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I mean the weight, the armor and the age.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, speaking of which I'm not wearing armor. Just as great the crossbow Dick out in the caravan.
Speaker 3:For some reason my character doesn't have armor.
Speaker 2:I'm in the line, I see the guy get shot and all of a sudden Frolin's equipment goes from T-shirt to naked to armor, Paws to equipment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I also eat an apple, it's really great to get any points back.
Speaker 1:A whole wheel of cheese. All right, so with that, first up on the initiative is Frolin. You just saw a soldier from your home country at a military checkpoint. Take an arrow straight through the neck, killing him instantly. What do you do?
Speaker 3:I'm going to do. Can I just do a quick look to see where that came from as like a free action Behind you?
Speaker 1:Because it went past. Yeah, but I got to turn to like, just like.
Speaker 3:so I can see the source. It's good for the sauce For sure. Okay, 20.
Speaker 1:Okay, so with a 20, in the moment you look and you can see very slight glimmering lights in the tree line, and approaching from behind you is a militaristic horse-like carriage carrying about five people on top.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm just going to run as close as I can to those horse people and I'm just going to ready an action in case one of them gets close, to just take a swing at them.
Speaker 1:They are pretty far away. Oh well then, if we're metagaming this a little, bit.
Speaker 3:Just stop there and plant my spear and just wait for it.
Speaker 1:For the sake of combat. They'll probably get here in about four or five turns.
Speaker 3:Oh, yes, they're pretty far you can see them in the distance. Then I'm just going to rush behind one of the caravan wheels and take cover from the arrows.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, with that, about three people jump from the tree line and start just closing in on this carriage, and none of them are attacking you at the moment. They are focusing on what looks like the weakest links of the group. So no combat for you guys this time. Vance, it is now your turn.
Speaker 2:I'll pull out my warhammer and my shield and I will start gathering any children, or I'll try to be ushering them behind the gates or whatever I can to try to get them out of the way. Okay, and then kind of like body block in case there's any more. Cool, sounds good, cool cool arrows.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will say in the moment when they notice you gathering up people, one of the bandits will target you and will get an opportunity attack on you. Yeah, but you will get an opportunity attack in return for gearing up to trying to protect these people. Does an 18 hit?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You take 5 piercing damage as he stabs at you with a short sword.
Speaker 2:My body. Is that what you really said? Sorry, my body.
Speaker 3:Like Borat.
Speaker 2:My body Noat Like my body.
Speaker 1:My body. No, it's just my body, Okay.
Speaker 2:Still seems weird yeah it's fine, is that just better?
Speaker 1:An aggressive?
Speaker 3:late night. A grunt is better than it's, just like my body.
Speaker 2:Right in my body. Oh no, yeah.
Speaker 3:No, my weak spot, the body Right in my body. Oh no, you know my weak spot, the body.
Speaker 1:My dwarven flesh has been injured, all right, so does that end your turn.
Speaker 2:I yell Silver. Cleric needs food badly.
Speaker 1:Is that a reference?
Speaker 2:Yep, don't worry about it yeah.
Speaker 3:I was like whoo yeah, we're moving on, we're moving on.
Speaker 1:What is it? A reference to the game Gauntlet.
Speaker 3:Warrior needs to move.
Speaker 1:I played Gauntlet Dark Legacy.
Speaker 2:I think they do the same. I think they do, yeah, but it's just that, yeah.
Speaker 1:You get it Very fun Very fun Moving on.
Speaker 3:I put the sound off.
Speaker 1:After Vance's turn, another just volley of bolts. I need both of you guys to make two dexterity saving throws.
Speaker 2:Oh good.
Speaker 1:Can I just raise my shield and hide behind it? I'll give you advantage for and you know what, kevin, you said that you got underneath like behind a wheel.
Speaker 2:Thirteen and nine Eleven for both. For both Two thirteens on the board.
Speaker 1:You just needed a ten. So Kevin is the only one that gets hit and we'll take 5 pierce damage.
Speaker 3:Oh, my body, oh no, frolin's body.
Speaker 1:I hope that doesn't become a thing. Every time I would stop hurting you guys if every single time you took damage, you were like oh, my body.
Speaker 3:Frolin, how is your body? It's mine.
Speaker 1:Thank you for the update. It is the NPC's turn. Just the civilians A lot of them are herding back into the cart, thinking that that is going to be the place to protect them from the volley of arrows. What was pulling the cart before? A horse, and the horse is just chilling there. The horse is panicking but there's soldiers trying to calm it down, to get rallied back up.
Speaker 2:Okay. And then you said people are filtering into the wagon.
Speaker 1:Yes, because they all got out for the check. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Cool, anything else? No, I think there's some information. I'm waiting for my turn. I'll try and do something, I think Okay.
Speaker 1:The military carriage gets closer, but you also start to see that more people are filtering out of the woods and even so, some of the guards at the checkpoint have turned weapon against other guards in the checkpoint. It is quickly delving into an organized chaos.
Speaker 3:Oh no there are bodies. There's so many bodies.
Speaker 1:Can both of you give me an insight check?
Speaker 3:Seven 16.
Speaker 1:With a 16,. You have heard that this has been happening more and more frequently and chances are, if you do not get out of here, there will be nothing left of this character.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Do with that information? She will. But with that, back up top to Frollo.
Speaker 3:I'm going to turn to you, a good dwarf, lead them this way, and I'm going to use my draconic ability to give myself wings.
Speaker 2:Okay, dvd from yes I don't use draconic flight.
Speaker 3:So once per long rest as a bonus action you can gain temporary flight for 10 minutes or until you retract the wings, no action required or have the incapacitated condition. During that time you have a fly speed equal to your speed. Okay, and then I going to kind of go over the caravan and towards where those people are charging from the tree line, and then I'm going to do a breath weapon Awesome. So I'm going to do a 15-foot cone to kind of try to clear out a way for those folks to run in between.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that is a dexterity saving throw correct, correct and then you're clearing the way towards the gate or away.
Speaker 3:I'm clearing the way so those folks can get into the woods to kind of like, get covered, get safety Okay.
Speaker 1:So they're not having to run through a melee yeah. You were able to hit three of them, and it was definitely a destiny that they failed miserably because that was two threes and a two. So how much damage did you do?
Speaker 3:That's going to be that's disappointing Three points of acid damage. Ow, I just exfoliate them lightly oh yeah. Sundern.
Speaker 1:These are very unskilled, just like a ragtag group of raiders, from what you can tell, and that three points of damage has stunned them, because they normally don't get much of a fight.
Speaker 3:I'm then just going to also just be landing right in the middle of them, so that way they kind of have to deal with me Okay, cool With that.
Speaker 1:It is now the enemy's turn, so they are all going to take slashes at you. Let's fucking do it. Definitely a miss, Just.
Speaker 3:Definitely a miss.
Speaker 2:That's my impression of Slash the guitarist.
Speaker 1:Does a 16 hit. It ties my armor class. Okay, so that means it hits. You take four piercing damage as you get lightly stabbed with a short sword.
Speaker 3:Oh man, that almost hurt my body.
Speaker 1:No, it was in the leg, it was in the leg, it was not the body and more pile around the side of the cart trying to get in and they're going to start swinging at you Because you're still guarding the front door of it, correct? Alright, I'm assuming a 12 does not hit, misses 13.
Speaker 2:We're working our way up. We're going to figure out your AC soon enough. Do me a favor, don't go any higher. And then a 19.
Speaker 1:Alright, he didn't listen. Ooh, as you were hit for eight points of piercing damage, vance, it is now back to you.
Speaker 2:There are three that have approached you and are attacking you at the moment, and I need you to give me an insight.
Speaker 1:Check, not great, but still, uh, it's an 11, an 11, okay. You see more people clearing the tree line a little bit west of you, so it is now not only the 13 or 14 bandits that you've seen, but you also don't know which guards are, even on your side at this point.
Speaker 2:Okay, so is there a clear like an empty direction, or is it like surrounded by?
Speaker 1:my body is surrounded on all sides, so if you've got your back up to the cart they are in front of you. You could break left or right, but you will take an opportunity attack.
Speaker 2:I'm saying In general, because Vance isn't just thinking about himself, he's thinking about, like okay, the people in the cart as well, so what he's going to want to do, let me tell you what he's going to want to do. He's going to want to grab the reins and just he's got a little bit of animal handling and just try to like get that cart going away from all the Maybe to that area in the clearing.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's like hey, let's go to the woods, to To the trees. Yeah, roll me a perception check.
Speaker 3:Either that or Froland's going to feel like a real dick as you just take the wagon away from him.
Speaker 2:You said perception.
Speaker 3:Yes 18.
Speaker 2:18, okay, I'm dramatically assuming that it is going to be the cool cone you laid out, but we'll find out.
Speaker 1:Vance has a very difficult decision to make. From what you are able to see, welcome to the grim, dark comedy podcast. From what you see, you can either push off these three guards and grab and try and get as many people to come with you as you run into the woods north or south to escape do they load? Up into the caravan, though they're they are yes. Yeah, I was just going to lead the caravan. Though they are yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just going to lead the caravan. That's what I was about to say.
Speaker 1:Or you can try and take the reins of the caravan, which is a harder task because there's soldiers that you don't know whether a friend or foe and try and push through all of these people to continue west.
Speaker 2:I'd like to try to just make it so the people are the safest. It's the more difficult route, but I'd like to try to lead the horse. Okay, I just run up to the guards like get out of the way.
Speaker 1:You'll take the opportunity attacks as soon as you break from the back. Miss, miss man, this dice is slow.
Speaker 2:I say don't do it.
Speaker 1:Whoa, and then a 21. So that one's gonna hit and you'll take another 8 piercing damage.
Speaker 2:Alright. No one hit me again.
Speaker 1:You better not.
Speaker 2:Knuckleheads, look out, you quit it. I'm going to get upset. I will get unconscious if you hurt me too much more.
Speaker 1:When you make it to the front of the cart, you see a soldier that you were trying to communicate with, but upon further investigation you see three crossbow bolts sticking at him.
Speaker 2:I just moved him out of the way then.
Speaker 1:Sorry, buddy, pull him out of the way.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no. Talk to the bolts, yeah use them like tuning forks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, frolin, you see this going down. Okay, how would I will give you a kind of like a reaction for whether you want to stay, whether you want to try and get back on the caravan, like what. How would you react seeing this going down?
Speaker 3:uh, I think if he's going to try to break through that barricade, I'm going to try to be the point of that spear.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, so you're going to be in front of the cart or on the front of the cart with him.
Speaker 3:There's a horse I'm going to. This is going to be fun. I'm going to try to get in front of the cart to try to break apart some of those guards, okay, and then, at the last minute as it goes by, grab onto it.
Speaker 2:I still am flying. I was like you have flight, so yeah, you just flap and just hold on. You don't even need an animal handbook.
Speaker 1:Okay. So with that there's going to be another round of crossbow bolts and arrows come flying through. So dexterity saving throws for both of you.
Speaker 2:Do I still have?
Speaker 1:advantage for the shield. Yes, well, you're tucked in the cart. Kevin does not get advantage.
Speaker 3:Nine, can I use some of the other guys around me as human shields?
Speaker 1:Ooh, I like your gusto. Give me a strength athletics check to see if you can get somebody as a human shield. I got a 14. Okay, let's see what I can do here. Oof. Good luck, kevin 14. 18. Sorry bud.
Speaker 3:So he uses me as human shield?
Speaker 1:Oh, no yeah he pulls out an Uno reverse card.
Speaker 3:You're like dang, I just stand in front of the arrows like, yeah, yeah, you got me Rules. I just stand in front of the arrow.
Speaker 1:I was like, yeah, fair, you got me. Rules is rules. So you take five points of piercing damage as an arrow hits you in the shoulder. It is the NPC's turn. You can see that, since you went around to the front of the caravan, the three people that you left back there are trying to get in and the civilians are doing what they can to keep them out. Horkin better be doing some porking back there. Yeah well, you cannot see Horkin at the moment.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying he better be doing something. Maybe I'm just saying he better. Yep, he's the only martial character besides us that we've been introduced to. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now, with that, you break free and you are trying to push people out of the way in front of the cart. Yeah, a series of rolls from both of you to see how this goes. Okay, hell, yeah, as we've seen, so far remarkably well yeah. So you're going to give me a strength athletics check Okay, and a acrobatics check, one to push the people away and the other one to grab onto the cart as it goes by.
Speaker 1:Vance, you are going to have to give me an animal handling check and a dexterity check. I'll let you pick.
Speaker 2:Strength or dexterity. To basically push these horses forward 13 animal handling and a big, big strength check 19 on the die, so 20 total, 15 and 7.
Speaker 3:15 on the die. So 20 total, 15 and 7. 15 for the athletics, 7 for the dexterity.
Speaker 2:Gotcha, so I'd like to give him the help.
Speaker 1:Action Just reach in on him out. I'll allow it. You pass both of your chances. Predator handshake style Yep.
Speaker 3:So go ahead and Okay, well, that makes 19 on that second one.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, right on. So, yes, you successfully push out of the way and you go by and successfully break free, and now you are basically being chased by another caravan as you break free Froland check on the others and I throw them up and I let go.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm going to just go back through the caravan.
Speaker 1:The caravan or the cart is traveling faster than your fly speed, so what he thought was cool.
Speaker 2:I'm just like hey, what am I doing here now?
Speaker 3:You're just in heaven.
Speaker 2:What if you throw my body?
Speaker 1:All of the rangers in the woods are like hey he's out the sky, everybody focus on him and it's real tragic.
Speaker 3:No, I'm going to kind of duck through the caravan as I pass through to the back to see what's pursuing us. Just give a quick glance to see how everyone's doing. So you look in the back of the cart. I'm going to go through it to the back.
Speaker 1:Okay, like a stuntman on a school bus, when you enter the caravan you do see two bandits that are wreaking havoc in the back right now.
Speaker 3:Oh, jesus Christ, you guys been here the whole time.
Speaker 1:Well, no, what was his name, vance, when he decided to leave that really just let us very easily get in to start stabbing people. Oh, it's weird how they know your name, did you?
Speaker 3:announce that. Or were you like? Ow, this is my body, vance. Vance's body is being stabbed.
Speaker 1:Okay, then, if they're there, I'm just going to be like but no, they have not stabbed anybody yet.
Speaker 2:Oh good. I'm going to just so their bodies are okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm going to great sword, these sons of bitches. Okay, fucking Nat 1. And then I'm gonna Roland stabs a civilian, oh no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he has now joined. He has switched teams.
Speaker 3:And then I'm gonna action search and be like I can do better. I swear I can get more people. Jesus Christ, another, nat 1, oh Wow. What are you do a jump up people Jesus Christ, another, not one, oh wow.
Speaker 2:What are you get? You do a. You jump up, you spit acid. You clear the way the caravan charges through you. You jump up you predator handshake. We share a look and you're like go save the others. You get into the back and you're like oh my hands are all buttery.
Speaker 3:I go to pull out this great, big, great sword in this tiny caravan and just get stuck in one of the loop things In the leather top. Yeah, I was like, oh, I had something for this.
Speaker 1:The two bandits kind of look at you and your great sword does get stuck. And they just kind of look at you and they go well, we got to take care of him first, and then they both jump on you.
Speaker 3:Okay, that's better than this villain, I guess. Yeah, I'm not gonna uh 13 to hit nope and uh 14 to hit does not.
Speaker 2:Okay, we all suck here, right, equally suck. The bandits are like hey, we don't often fight on moving caravans.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, honestly, we should all just make amends now because clearly this is a sign that we were not going to fight. Vance, you see that the military caravan is catching up to you. Is there any way that you would like to respond to that? And are you proficient with vehicles? I have animal handling. Okay, not the same, not the same.
Speaker 2:I'm just telling the horse to do hey, keep doing a good job, like you usually do.
Speaker 1:I guess I won't get too nippy Like paladins. Get a proficiency in a vehicle. I don't know if fighters You're not a fighter, you're a cleric. I don't know if clerics I don't believe I have proficiency in vehicles. Okay, so you will have disadvantage, but give me another animal handling check to try and keep the horses on pace and keep them focused.
Speaker 2:Okay, can I also cast Healing Word on myself? Yeah, sweet, it is a bonus action. All right, I get to heal 13, because I'm real goofed up. Nice, and you said with disadvantage.
Speaker 1:Yes, 12. 19 and, yeah, that does succeed, so you are able to maintain distance With that. It's just literally three people in the initiative right now. We are back up to Frolin.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm going to God. Since attacking did not go great, I'm going to try to grapple one of these guys and huck him out of the caravan, hopefully out the back towards the other one.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I want this to go like Indiana Jones Fucking nine why?
Speaker 1:Guess what bud Eight Okay, oh shit, he was not ready. It's like a little elementary school kid fight where we're just both shoving each other, and then I just get a little bit more aggressive. He steps on a marble. Now let's have some fun Trips. Roll me a two hit.
Speaker 3:Not one Twelve actually.
Speaker 1:It sounded like you were about the line I was going to say thirteen, and then I was like no, that's not how those two numbers actually add up, See it's not easy, I will say you successfully get him out of the cart. But what I had in my mind doesn't happen yet.
Speaker 2:There's a big rock or a tree, or is he just?
Speaker 3:holding onto like a rope, yeah, yeah, behind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he's just getting drugged behind. No, you successfully get one out of the cart and then it is now the last bandit's turn, and that does not hit you. So we are back up top. You have successfully like, stabilized and you have the horses on track. You feel like you have a few seconds to be able to react and do something other than drive this cart.
Speaker 2:I'd like to turn around and see how Frolin's doing. Can I see back that way?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you see a greatsword stuck in the roof.
Speaker 3:You see a guy flopping down the road Just be like half shoving the guy out Just like no ow, ow, stop being difficult. He's doing like the cat thing where he's got like all four limbs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll cause guiding bolt at the guy then, okay, 14. Okay, that does hit. I just turn around and it like like finger guns and be like sorry about your body, damn it, it misses.
Speaker 3:All of a sudden, your God comes in and it's like, no, no, we're not doing that.
Speaker 2:What's that song? What's that song? You're like body-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody.
Speaker 1:That's my god. Yeah, I don't think I would know that song.
Speaker 3:I don't think he does either.
Speaker 1:But you do hit him and then Tyson Hang on. That does, unless you can do, less than three, damage my guy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I got him. As that bolt of radiant light slams into him and disintegrates that guy, I'm going to just grab him and throw him out, and you're going to be like no ticket.
Speaker 2:I like how he's disintegrating as you throw him. By the time it's the ground, there's nothing and they're like no ticket.
Speaker 1:Yeah, does it actually disintegrate him? No, it's just radiant damage. It could be flavorful Well.
Speaker 2:I was going to say give me a dumb luck check Is he a vampire?
Speaker 1:No no he's not a vampire, but give me a dumb luck. Check there. Vance Six Six. Okay, I was trying really hard to set you guys up to be like oh, when you throw somebody out of the cart, the other cart runs him over and goes up other cart runs him over and goes up, but he just failed the whole way through that guy's still getting drugged behind, right?
Speaker 3:can I just? Cut his rope like slowly, but have him just like watch it send it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, are you just like looking him dead in the eyes? Like cutting like a steak, just taking your time who am I?
Speaker 3:am I but?
Speaker 1:uh, he, there wasn't a person being drugged behind the road, but you still are being pursued by this caravan and you have to figure out a way to shake it before you make it to this next town.
Speaker 2:We're going to figure out how to shake it. We're going to have to have a dance-off with this caravan.
Speaker 3:Is there any like? Are we Luggage? What kind of area are we riding through? Is it just an open plane? Is it a like? Forest forest on both sides yeah, okay, is there any sort of like logs or anything like that, or?
Speaker 1:there's like branches and stuff on the road. Uh, give me perception. Check for inside the cart yeah, I was like what's?
Speaker 2:what kind of like what? We're sitting inside the cart.
Speaker 3:It's not great. What were?
Speaker 1:people sitting on uh like built-in benches, but there are people's personal belongings, like cases with luggage and stuff like that I'm gonna.
Speaker 3:I got a nine. I just was gonna see if there's like a tree or something over the road that I could acid breath.
Speaker 1:And oh yeah, sure I'll give you that, or as you go over it, like grab it and cut it on the way through. Sure, uh, give me an acrobatics.
Speaker 3:Check in acrobatics yes, are you sure you don't want athletics? Yeah, I'll give it to you, athletics, this is episode one is episode one.
Speaker 1:Let's get goofy with it 17.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:So, yes, you are able to get a big branch as you go over. You can cut it with the great sword, and now you have this. Yoink my great sword out of the wagon, swing it I was like, that's what I meant to do, but it's not what you did.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know what I just imagine. It's one shitty elf in the cart, that's just like.
Speaker 2:But it's not what you did so I took my big log and I throw the elf.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you know what I replaced the log with the elf.
Speaker 1:No ticket, yeah um, I'm guessing you throw it at the other cart. All right, give me a two hit roll using your strength modifier.
Speaker 3:Oh okay, wow, Good job there, bud. That's going to be a 19. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:You throw it and it rolls and they cannot adjust in time and one of the wheels hits it and it capsizes it.
Speaker 3:Oh cool. Did we do that thing like in the Dark Knight where it flipped the semi?
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, yeah, and there's a big explosion and then the Joker comes out. Oh no, Holy shit, but not like the new Joker that everybody hates now, because the second movie sucks shit. The.
Speaker 3:Jared Leto, one that everyone loves. It's also Morbius, for some reason.
Speaker 1:And that's the end of season two everybody.
Speaker 2:Oh, we did it.
Speaker 1:And with that you are able to make it into the next town where you slowly approach the gates, able to make it into the next town where you slowly approach the gates and there's two soldiers standing at the front gate.
Speaker 3:Hey, is Horkin in this wagon with us?
Speaker 1:No, horkin is not there. And at that time you approach the gate and the two guards look at you, but they don't necessarily look at you like they're glad to see you. They look confused. And with that we will end Episode 1 of Season 2 of Monster Monster.
Speaker 1:Hey, the guards are like why is that dwarf badly driving a horse and he just keeps saying my body All right. But yeah, that is going to wrap up Episode 1. We want to thank you all so much for watching. My name is Tyler Waltz. I've been your DM to my left.
Speaker 3:I've been Frolin Lealtes hi, I'm Tyson Cox.
Speaker 2:I played Vance Ironside and, if you liked us, we do live shows 3 times a month at least, all over the midwest, and more places. And if you liked it like, share, subscribe review, tell a friend, let them know we got video now. And and more places. And if you liked it like, share, subscribe review, tell a friend.
Speaker 1:Let them know we got video now and thank you all so much and we'll catch you in the next episode. I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll, I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll.
Speaker 2:I just wanna, I just wanna, I just wanna roll At 20 on that troll. Hit that shit time pretty cool.