Monster Monster
Welcome to Monster Monster! A live play table top role playing game podcast! We are currently running our second season of D&D 5th edition
Monster Monster
Caravans and Chaos - Ep 2 - A Coupon Based Town
The episode delves into the aftermath of a bandit attack on a caravan, exploring themes of trust, survival, and human connection. As characters navigate a strange town with an unusual economy, they reflect on their identities and moral duties toward others, ultimately setting the stage for deeper conflicts ahead.
• The heroes face the aftermath of a bandit attack
• Characters explore the complexities of trust in a strange town
• Humor and camaraderie shine through in tense moments
• The town's coupon economy serves as a satire on resilience
• Acts of compassion highlight the fragility of human connection
• Tension escalates with the return of a familiar figure in the tavern
Previously on Monster Monster. Our heroes were headed west when their caravan was descended upon by a group of mysterious bandits, and they were able to escape to a nearby town. However, they still don't know the origin of the attack or even who they can trust.
Speaker 2:Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon them and to let them know you trust them. Booker T Washington. Alright, welcome to Monster Monster everybody. This is episode two. My name is Tyler Waltz, I am your DM and, to my left, is Kevin Eggleston.
Speaker 3:I'm playing Frolin Lealties, a dragonborn warrior who just wants to find out what happened to his squad.
Speaker 1:And I am Tyson Cox. I'm playing Vance Ironside, a dwarven cleric who's just traveling the land and trying to do good and spread good and be a good dude, just fit as many goods as you can.
Speaker 2:That way people know you're good.
Speaker 1:His favorite restaurant is Good.
Speaker 3:Burger. What's his favorite Friday?
Speaker 2:Fat.
Speaker 1:Tuesday actually.
Speaker 2:How many goods can they put in his like character description before it's like suspicious? I think when you all took a don't be evil out of like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, but with that we are getting right back into the show. You guys pull up to this gate bloodied, very confused, but not as confused as the two guards that seem, uh, rather taken aback by what they're witnessing rolling up at the front gate, and the first one kind of like not readies his spear but is like kind of like nervous and scared and he goes. Who who goes there?
Speaker 1:uh hey bud I'm vance, can you give us a hand here? And uh, he like just pulls the caravan up to a stop and then just kind of like, exhaustedly like, because he's not a horse guy, he's not a centaur, uh, he's not a horse guy. So he uh just kind of like like his little dwarven legs are just like so wide on the back of a horse.
Speaker 2:He's like just kind of rolls over and falls off. He goes, instead of it going like down the sides of the horse. It's just straight out. It's just straight out. Yeah, Like a pug sitting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you could do me a favor, help me out with this. We got some women and children in the bag that might need some help.
Speaker 3:Also, why were you riding one of the horses attached to the wagon? You could have just sat on the wagon.
Speaker 1:I was just letting him go. It was an emergency, okay.
Speaker 3:He's like. I gotta make sure this one knows where to go. Tied to the other horse.
Speaker 1:This will be fine, Because one is a vehicle role and the other is an animal handling role.
Speaker 2:I have animal handling, so he goes. What do you mean? You have women. Why are you covered in blood?
Speaker 1:Because we were attacked. Keep asking questions. Don't worry, none of it is ours. Oh, thank you. Uh, and I, and I just kind of go to the back and kind of ignore them because they're like kind of like vance is like you guys are, you guys don't know what you're doing and he just goes back to help like see the women and children.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, uh, I'm gonna hop down and be like you there guard. Uh, bring the barracks commander, bring your commanding officer. Why are you still standing?
Speaker 2:there he just beside himself, he goes well, first off, like you're not my boss, Like I don't know what that's all about, no, I pay my taxes.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's a Karen. We got a Karen.
Speaker 2:He sets down his spear and he goes sir, I'm going to need to see your W-2s.
Speaker 3:So, technically, I'm going to need to see your W-2s. So, technically, I pay your salary. Ergo, I am your boss.
Speaker 2:And he goes. Well, actually, they love it when you do that to them.
Speaker 1:They love that.
Speaker 3:He looks at your badge and he goes, yeah, there's not a chance he's going to shock and grasp me.
Speaker 1:Quit resisting, quit resisting.
Speaker 2:And he's like we haven't even put these people through processing so I don't even know where we would even take them. And then he looks over to the other guard at the station and he goes you make sure he's not doing anything suspicious, I'll talk to him and he points to you.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm sorry. What would be suspicious about two men showing up in a wagon covered in blood that they have just admitted is not theirs? I feel like this needs a commanding officer to observe.
Speaker 2:He goes. Just because it's not yours doesn't mean it's an enemy's. You just said it came full of women and children and there's blood everywhere, we don't know. Roll a persuasion check to see how he feels about this whole situation.
Speaker 1:Vance just sticks his head out the side of the wagon. He's like you're really bad at your job, and then goes back and goes back.
Speaker 3:And just both of us are like. Which one's he talking to? Both the gardener Now with disadvantage because he's upset.
Speaker 1:Oh, with a petty DM.
Speaker 3:Got to establish it early, all right, so that's a 10.
Speaker 2:You don't have to have disadvantage. That was just a joke. Can I have advantage then? No, because it wasn't a good joke. On a comedy podcast, you're doing jokes? Yeah, I'm trying.
Speaker 3:Time and place bud People are covered in blood the children. I don't even know what's going on with these children. Yeah, I got that as a 10. Pretty average. Like he's convinced it was an average.
Speaker 2:Okay, he goes okay, we can help you, but you're still going to have to go through all the normal processing and stuff like that, and he starts helping you get people out and opens up the gate and he says, okay, immediately to your left, we're going to take these people, they're going to be processed. Make sure that they get to where they're going. Is there anything that we can do to help the?
Speaker 3:two of you. You seem a bit more capable of handling yourself. Well, I think I think I would. I would. Hey, vance, would you enjoy a shower? I don't know how often you like being covered in blood. That's not yours. Rare to never. All right, non-zero chance. Do you have a mage that can press to digitate, or maybe a?
Speaker 1:A bath.
Speaker 3:Yeah, even just like a wet, moist towelette would be great.
Speaker 2:Also he takes like a sweaty rag off of his head.
Speaker 3:Beggars can't be, choosers Are you going to put this right back on afterwards?
Speaker 1:I just hit my Dragonborn grundle and handed it back to him.
Speaker 2:He goes. Well, we don't Right around the cloaca. Like just in there he goes okay, we don't have any of the fancy wizards and stuff like that and then he hands you a little voucher and he says if you take these to the local goods store just right down the road here to the west, give this to the person at the desk and he'll fix you. Take these to the local goods store just right down the road here to the west, give this to the the person at the desk and he'll fix you right up.
Speaker 2:Just, you just have coupons that you're giving people well, I'm kind of using one of my personal rations as a soldier to help you guys out, so it feels kind of demeaning that you're like questioning just a simple oh I just wondered if there was like a like.
Speaker 3:You know how you go to some places and they're like here's a floral wreath we put around your neck and you guys are just like here's a coupon.
Speaker 2:Here's 50% off it Dick's last resort. It's a free shower for those not being a dick. That's kind of the way it says that on the paper.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's a loves. And where are you taking these? People were attacked, assaulted by bandits. Do you have like a posse or a militia that you can summon to go after more bandits in?
Speaker 2:the woods. We will handle that. As soon as we figure out everything that is going on, these people will be taken here to the south and get processed. We'll get them cleaned up, new clothes Just don't worry about them and then I will get in contact with the proper people. We'll set up defenses. We don't necessarily have the manpower to go out at the moment.
Speaker 3:Hey fans, I'm just going to just a quick aside.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, mr Gardner, I'm going to talk. I mean, I'm not going to walk away.
Speaker 3:Cover your ears, don't be a rude. Now who's being a rude?
Speaker 2:Sally, you know what I want a second voucher.
Speaker 1:I'm stationed here, you guys could walk like right there, I'm in the back of the wagon. What are you a town?
Speaker 3:guard from England. You're like I'm not leaving this place.
Speaker 1:They're a coupon-based society and their guards can't move, Don't move.
Speaker 3:I'm going to just write a quick one. It's just a coupon that says cover your fucking ears.
Speaker 2:Oh no, thank you, those aren't accepted, You'll have to go sell.
Speaker 1:You don't take competitors' coupons. He's like that's counterfeit and arrests you.
Speaker 2:A real company town vibe oh no, oh no, vance, hey, vance, they're taking these people for processing. Oh, you didn't walk away. No, he said he's still in the wagon, so I'm just going to peek my head. They're taking these people for processing.
Speaker 3:I don't know about you, but I've never had a chance where somebody's like, hey, these people just showed up injured and potentially wounded and we're going to process them. That's never turned out poorly for anyone historically.
Speaker 1:I take a look and I wonder is anyone injured in the back of the wagon?
Speaker 2:You can see that there's a lot of people rattled. There's probably some scrapes and bruises from the conflict, but no like fatal eat.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'd just like to be like.
Speaker 3:Except for the one guy we drugged to death.
Speaker 1:The hand that was grasping onto the rope. I look at the hand and I go good thing I can regrow a body off this. Ah yes, cast Revivify yeah that's how I get thing from Adam Stanley. Yeah, okay, I just like to do medicine to handle those cuts and scrapes and I'm like, well, they seem like they're pretty alright. It's like a little rattled but I don't know and I stick my head out the wagon like hey what do you mean by? Processing. What is your coupon towns? What do you guys do for that?
Speaker 2:I mean, I feel like it's very common for military to have like vouchers for things. It's not just that doesn't mean the whole town works on that economy. You're pretty hung up on this, you, you keep bringing it up. I gave you a piece of paper and you decided to shit over kindness so hey, I'm, I'm over the moon for the shower.
Speaker 1:He's, he's the one that's, I'm rolling with it. I thought you guys were coupon, aren't?
Speaker 2:you time right now? Don't you have better things to do?
Speaker 3:No, that shower will keep?
Speaker 2:He goes yes, it's custom. We're a border town to the neighboring country, so anybody that comes through here, if they're traveling through, we need to make sure that everything is A-OK. I mean, I don't know if you guys have heard about this, but we're kind of in the middle of a war, so processing kind of makes sense. All right, hey, what's, where was your name? He goes. My name is Marcus.
Speaker 1:All right, hey Marcus, if I find out any of these people get hurt or injured or have anything untowards done to them, I'm going to come back and break your knees, because that's as high as I can reach.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I feel like our conversation has not been vicious or have any form of malice, but whatever you need to sleep at night, I guess I like your style, vance.
Speaker 1:Well, you know they're innocent people. Don't be rude to the innocent. Alright, I think they're good to go. Where can we get the? I want my wagon and I kind of give him a look of like, well, free wagon Deception.
Speaker 3:No, I'm going to give him the help, I'm just going to cross my arms and be like, yeah, wagon.
Speaker 1:Deception 18 on the die so nat 20.
Speaker 2:18 on the die, so a nat 20?.
Speaker 3:Magic of recording.
Speaker 2:We're going to watch this back and it's going to be like that was a nat 20. He goes. I mean sure just, can we please handle these people? Yeah, let me, let you borrow my wagon.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, do you have a voucher for the staples. Hang on, let's get off. They don't like not everything is coupon based.
Speaker 1:I'm learning.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna take it back.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna take the coupon back quick lick it he won't want it back, he'll lick it he goes just eat it and get it now.
Speaker 2:He goes where we process the people. Just up the road there's a place, a stable, to put your horses in your wagon. Just please go get yourself cleaned up, Is there?
Speaker 3:a place for accommodations. We might be staying here for a bit while the wagon gets repaired.
Speaker 2:I'm not asking you to put us up, I'm just asking is there a fucking? Inn. Yeah, there's a tavern past the General Goods store.
Speaker 3:I was just going to say you know, what would have better served you is a little booth that had coupons in it and a map that says you are here.
Speaker 1:Okay, where are?
Speaker 3:you from.
Speaker 2:That's very fancy. It is very fancy.
Speaker 3:I'm saying a kiosk could have done this To be honest, I was really like.
Speaker 2:you know what? I don't normally do kind things. I'm going to do a kind thing this time and give them one of my vouchers, but this is the last good deed I'm ever fucking doing.
Speaker 1:That's crazy for you to admit that out loud.
Speaker 2:I'm just. You've done it. This is your fault. You have a weak soul. If you ever come across a newspaper that's like local guard Marcus did bad thing, I want you to know. It's on your hands.
Speaker 1:Oh, they have a town paper.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so they could print more coupons.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 1:I got to say goodbye to my horses and I go all right, goodbye, marcus. And I pet one of the horses and then I go to the other horse. Goodbye also, marcus, have a good night. I don't believe you. And then, yeah, heading to the town.
Speaker 3:All right, I'm going to follow along and then, like, as I follow behind Vience, I'm going to follow along and then, as I follow behind Viance, I'm just going to give the like I'm watching you fingers to the guard.
Speaker 2:Once again, I was nothing but kind. So are you going straight to that General Goods store.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean they're taking our wagon to the stables. Yes, you see the people that are getting taken down the street and everything like that. I'm going to go.
Speaker 2:Is there a little stable hand there? Are you going to?
Speaker 3:harass him.
Speaker 1:I go to the general goods store.
Speaker 3:I don't know what's happening, I'm just going to give the kid, I'm going to just give him like a silver piece and be like, make sure that blood comes out. That's the blood of bad people.
Speaker 2:I don't even work here and he runs off.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, he goes. Oh, you think I can't hit a child with a hatchet running away.
Speaker 2:He's like. I'll clean it as best I can. Mister, Thanks for the tip. That was very nice of you. I'm sure this won't get threatening in any way, see that it doesn't.
Speaker 3:I want to be able to see my face in this wood board.
Speaker 2:That's impossible.
Speaker 1:No, you could carve it, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not here. I'm not a carver, we're really getting lost in the weeds.
Speaker 3:Try, try your best.
Speaker 2:I heard that whole conversation with the guard. You think I'm falling for this shit.
Speaker 3:All right, just make it pretty, go clean yourself up.
Speaker 1:God damn, this kid is mean.
Speaker 3:It's a goddamn gnome. That isn't a child.
Speaker 1:That's a gnome.
Speaker 2:He's like 100. Bamboozled To the general goods store.
Speaker 1:He said, get out, there's money on the dresser, get out Go clean yourself up Sometimes I want to get that silver back in the morning. What a hard little man All right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm going to follow along to the General Goods store.
Speaker 2:All right. You walk into the General Goods store to see what was the name of the General Goods store. The name of the General Goods store is, if you say generally good, I'm gonna huck a dice generally good the store. The sign out front just says the ugringe general store. So you walk in to see a very old furball with just a big grin on his face. Looks like this is his pride and joy. He loves doing. He's even got a little nameplate that says nor his sonnet, like he loves doing this. And he oh, he's very slowly talking. Gentlemen, seems like new faces in town. How can I help?
Speaker 1:We got a coupon for a bath.
Speaker 2:They're vouchers Actually they're not fucking coupons. It's like I don't know why he's angry. Yeah, it's like this town, really proud of their coupons. He's like everyone calls them coupons, but they're fucking vouchers.
Speaker 3:What's the difference?
Speaker 1:Well, actually I guess that's important because a voucher gets us for free. A coupon is a discount.
Speaker 3:Or we'll have to buy one and get one.
Speaker 2:100% would be a discount, it's crazy how unappreciative people are of our generous system.
Speaker 3:I do love this nominative determinism.
Speaker 2:It's the coupon voucher in this city, so you pull out the voucher?
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, and motion I didn't get it.
Speaker 3:I get a motion to him. I just hand it to him. His eyes light up and he's like oh, are you part of the military?
Speaker 2:That, uh, yeah, yes. Military that, uh yeah, yes, I think. Thank you so much for coming here. And he kind of ushers you back through a doorway that you can see.
Speaker 3:On the sign says like restroom I uh oh god, if there's gonna be a glory hole, just you know it's always the fur book on the other side.
Speaker 2:That's a different voucher.
Speaker 3:No, that one's a coupon you pay for it all.
Speaker 1:Right, this is probably gonna cut out, but could you imagine a fantasy land with glory holes, because they would be like different heighted ones and there'd have to be like a step stool or a ladder, just to?
Speaker 3:You know there's somebody in there. That's just like I'm going to put it through the dwarf sized one and really blow their fucking minds hey that's an orc wiener. What's it doing in the halfling hole? I'm stuck.
Speaker 1:Help. It's like that one episode of Winnie the Pooh the fur bulk forgot about me.
Speaker 3:It's like when you get fat after putting your wedding ring on. It's just like a tube tied around a sausage.
Speaker 2:That's so funny. Sorry, we go to the baths, so he goes, you're more than welcome to get yourself cleaned up here. And then, if you're friends of the military, and then he points and there's like a back storage room with basic military stuff, you can kind of tell that this is the kind of place that, like Jim lost his sword and doesn't want to get his ass kicked by his company.
Speaker 3:Can I do a quick roll, because I'm a little bit concerned when somebody's just like the military and we know that he's on a border town, so we're like which side yeah?
Speaker 2:absolutely Roll me a perception check Cavan with advantage. Ooh, I got a 19.
Speaker 1:I like your dice that I'm borrowing bud 16. 16.
Speaker 2:Okay With your perception check of a 21,. You notice that a lot of the flyers and stuff around are for, specifically, Soldeus, which is not the current country but the country that most people are traveling to from here.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:With your history check, you notice a bit more of the language that's used on the poster and you can tell that there is some kind of political something going on, like all of the political posters remind you of. Like the Uncle Sam, I want you, type of things, but what's odd to you is that this isn't Soldeus. We are currently in the Oathmakers Coalition.
Speaker 3:What's on the Uncle Sam-esque poster? What kind of person is pointing at?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's essentially the king of, not Soldeus, but it's like an endorsement by the local government, so it's the local king of this area basically saying come out to vote, and it's a campaign poster to a certain degree.
Speaker 1:You know, it's never a bad thing when the king is like come on, vote this isn't rigged.
Speaker 3:I love maybe losing my power I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess I probably should have been more specific. It's not necessarily a campaign for him to lose his power, but for who they are throwing their weight behind in this conflict oh, okay, so the king is essentially campaigning to join soldeus's continent. Okay, so.
Speaker 3:So I'm just going to be like I see you have quite a bit of memorabilia here. Say, that's a great collection of weapons and armor. Any chance you have something for a fellow connoisseur? And I'm just going to open my traveling cloak a little bit to reveal the Soldean emblem that I have on my uh swords and my accoutrement okay.
Speaker 2:So essentially he's like did you buy this or is it your like?
Speaker 3:you reference yourself as a collector, so he's kind of sussing that out uh, collected it, uh, the old-fashioned way, with effort and hard work and a lifetime of service and just a thousand yard, a thousand yard. Stare where he's like you just hear like sad string, like you hear a theremin playing as if he's drifting away into a different time.
Speaker 2:That sentence started like it was going to be a deception check, and then you just went hard into the truth yeah, it's that thing where, like he's just just staring off and then you just went hard into the truth.
Speaker 1:It's just like it's that thing where he's just staring off and it's quiet and me and the shopkeeper are just like. He's like, oh I believe you, oh my. He goes oh.
Speaker 2:I do collect certain things for my own personal goods because I'm a big fan of Soldeus. Most of the things that I have here that are available are what any guard would carry, because I like that help out if things get damaged or lost you say most but not all.
Speaker 3:Maybe you gotta. You gotta got any. Okay, you're holding on some potions, man oh, we have health potions.
Speaker 2:And he points to a shelf and he's there's three or how much does this voucher get? Us the bath and like some basic needs and he hands you like some fresh, like clothes and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:Oh, what if I get you more of these vouchers? What if I get you all of this guard Marcus's vouchers?
Speaker 2:Well then, you can have a lot of showers and fresh things of clothes.
Speaker 3:Does it inconvenience, marcus?
Speaker 1:You hate Marcus so much?
Speaker 2:Marcus is actually a father of four.
Speaker 3:And he didn't ask that.
Speaker 2:He does everything he can and he's a genuinely good person that. I've never seen do bad.
Speaker 3:Well, he's gonna genuinely be a stinky motherfucker.
Speaker 2:I sure hope that nobody broke his will of being a good man to where he'll start committing crimes.
Speaker 1:He did say, in fact, that he is switching sides.
Speaker 2:Oh no, who did that? Oh, it was us.
Speaker 3:To be fair, he kind of said Soldeus sucks butts as we were leaving.
Speaker 2:I don't believe that one bit.
Speaker 1:What is this? This is the craziest grudge.
Speaker 2:Good thing you guys aren't heroes in some kind of story.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, I'm going to be like that meme, that's like leave.
Speaker 2:Marcus alone. He's already dead.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm just like okay, Well, I was hoping I was going to get us some healing potions. I don't know if you know this. Last time we kind of got our shit rocked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you haven't had a long rest since then.
Speaker 3:How do you know?
Speaker 2:How do you know, old man? Oh, don't mind, he's like I don't know.
Speaker 3:Sometimes things just come to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, I got the sight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you have a shining.
Speaker 1:Is that what it?
Speaker 3:is yeah, okay, well, I guess we don't have any. You know what? I'm just going to take a sword, leave a sword, just swap one in Take a sword, leave a sword, yeah. No, I feel like if we don't take a weapon, we're really not using the voucher that Marcus gave us to its full extent. So you know, take something, leave something bud.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he goes. Is there anything else I could help you, gentlemen, with?
Speaker 1:I don't really want to leave.
Speaker 3:I'm going to take that bath.
Speaker 1:Hey, take the bath, get cleaned up. I appreciate them. A tip on the silver, whatever would be appropriate. Cool 20% yeah.
Speaker 3:From Marcus 25%. Yeah, oh, is there any like trinkets or anything like that? That would be like remind me of soldeus that I could maybe like no, yeah, absolutely. He's got like a little area where you can see that he's made like custom little key chains and like little stuff like that okay, I look to see if he's got a key chain that looks like a carriage license plate with frolin on it, and I see Phelan and Grolin but no Frolin. Never a Frolin.
Speaker 1:Oh hey, a Vance. So many Vances Hang on. This is crazy. They have a Vance Ironside. My first and last name.
Speaker 3:It would only be impressive if it was a middle name in there too.
Speaker 1:Oh, hang on behind it yeah, advanced p ironside, he goes I'll figure out what the p stands for. Later he goes is there any? My middle nickname, my middle name is piss set it into a microphone.
Speaker 2:It's canon, yeah this feels like a whole like. No, you had a wife situation. What is happening? Go watch season one for that reference. But he goes. Is there any place that you gentlemen are looking to go?
Speaker 3:I remember the taverns here being quite exceptional. On my tours I'm not going to lie I usually blacked out before making it to all of them.
Speaker 2:That's why you thought they were nice oh, do you not like them?
Speaker 1:I mean, they got the job done. It sounds like yeah, I.
Speaker 2:I mean they get a bit rowdy for my uh, for my liking okay.
Speaker 3:Well, do you have something a little like scaled down? Do you have like a tgi fridays?
Speaker 2:one just opened.
Speaker 3:I franchised it myself oh cool, so you're part of the destruction of a small town economy. That's cool.
Speaker 2:Okay, if that's where we're going with this.
Speaker 3:Would you like, Vance? Should we have gone to the Walmart instead?
Speaker 2:It's actually a Dollar General. I'm surprised you didn't see the big yellow sign.
Speaker 1:Oh, they changed it to DG, so I got tricked.
Speaker 2:He goes well, and then are you wearing like priest style clothes?
Speaker 1:No, so I'm in like cleric garb. Instead of having the symbols of Pelor, it's been replaced or just removed. So there's like slight differentiation. I've tried his best to like cover it up, but like it's either been replaced with his family crest, which is like a wolf's head, a mountain wolf, because I'm a dwarf A mine wolf actually. A mine wolf deep down in the mines, those wolves, or it's either missing or it's been replaced with the wolf's crest.
Speaker 2:But it is like cleric garb Gotcha Like yeah, so he looks at you and he goes. I don't know if I don't want to necessarily assume by what you're wearing, but we do have a temple on the north side of town and our taverns are located further west, towards the castle.
Speaker 3:Which one do you think is most friendly to? And I'm just going to tap the Sultane symbol.
Speaker 2:Well, that would be this side of town or south, towards the processing barracks where most of the military tend to stay.
Speaker 3:And last question, before I get real showered up here, just actually as a lizard, I'm just going to do a dust bath.
Speaker 2:I'm sure that'll get all the blood off and not just cake that shit on harder.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a little judgmental here, but we were part of a caravan that was attacked. Has that been a frequent occurrence?
Speaker 2:Ah, you must have been traveling in from the east. And then he just kind of looks over and he goes yes, that has been happening more and more and I'm sure and he gestures to the posters on the wall he's like I'm sure you can see the posters. That's part of the reason that this vote is getting pushed through is because many, like me, believe that Sudeus will be able to actually provide the protection for our citizens that we need, so these needless attacks can stop, that's true, sudeus does have some very nice gibbets that we put bandits in.
Speaker 3:You can watch the crows peck them for days.
Speaker 2:It's such a fun game. Children go by and just hit them with sticks. Everybody knows deterrence is the best policy.
Speaker 3:Any stance on that, Cleric?
Speaker 1:I think everyone should. Probably it would be better if everyone just chilled a bit, if everyone could just chill.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tell that to somebody slitting your throat.
Speaker 1:Well, I did. We did kill a couple of the bandits, so they were unchilled.
Speaker 2:So you're more of a do as I say, not as I do type.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean, like you said, if people are trying to slit your throat, you gotta you're not gonna just let them do that and then have they're like well, that guy I slit his throat real easy. I feel bad about it. I should repent. That's never going to happen.
Speaker 2:I mean it could, but you don't know, because you murdered people. He just gets raped.
Speaker 3:Roland is so mad that you guys are letting him hang on this joke.
Speaker 1:He's just like hang on, hang on. It's crazy that you started out so like you switched mid-sentence.
Speaker 2:I'm a contrarian.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're the worst, you're the worst, anyways what? Were you saying Ah, never mind, all right, we got to go.
Speaker 3:I don't want to anymore.
Speaker 2:So where would you guys like to go A head?
Speaker 1:start what? Where are we going?
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Did I miss something?
Speaker 3:What do you call four dead bandits? Head start Good. What do you call four dead bandits A head start, a good start, okay, oh, frolin, you've done it again.
Speaker 2:We have improv classes. Oh, you have a voucher for those. I do.
Speaker 3:Oh, then you should know how to. Yes, and it makes sense that those are free.
Speaker 2:Where would you guys like to go?
Speaker 1:I'd like to go to the temple.
Speaker 2:You said it's temple, then bar Temple to the temple you said it's temple, then bar Temple to the north tavern, further in towards the capital area.
Speaker 3:Did we get a name for that tavern?
Speaker 2:You guys, we get a name it. Well, you do. Yeah, the Shaggy.
Speaker 3:Owlbear.
Speaker 2:So you would like to go to the temple, and are you also going to the temple or do you want to go somewhere else? I'm going to go to the tavern, Split the party.
Speaker 3:I'm going to go to the Shaggy Owl Bear.
Speaker 2:The Shaggy Owl Bear.
Speaker 3:It's right. Next to the.
Speaker 1:I don't like where this is going the Shaved Bug Bear.
Speaker 2:That's already the Shaggy Owl Bear.
Speaker 3:I know, but it's next to the Shaved Bug.
Speaker 2:Bear, which is. What kind of establishment is that?
Speaker 3:A barbershop, oh a barbershop, that Barbershop oh barbershop. Oh nice, that's much more wholesome than I anticipated. And bikini wax. I was about to say there it is, hey, it's still above board. No, no, they do belows.
Speaker 2:Nice. So yeah right, just so mad, I'm just so mad.
Speaker 1:Because I could see out the corner of my eye how proud he was of that. I'm so happy. I'm going to go to the, I'm going to go to the temple, and then I'll meet you at the tavern later. It was what the hairy, the hairless, the hairy bird, the shaggy owlbear.
Speaker 2:Shaggy owlbear.
Speaker 1:Your voice changed Furbolg.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought you were just talking and asking. Nope, in character, doing a character thing. Yes, it's the Damn it.
Speaker 1:We're leaving that in. It's the shaggy owlbear. Ah, thank you, I'll see you at the shaggy owlbear.
Speaker 3:Say it in Elvish the shaggy owlbear. Wait, are you an elf? No, I'm Dwarvish.
Speaker 2:That's very weird. Just walk up somebody's like, can you say it in Portuguese? Just out of nowhere I mean you don't know if you don't ask.
Speaker 1:Oh, now I have a new thing to do to people 99% of the time, but that one time.
Speaker 2:That one time you're going to shit your pants, all right. So you're going to the temple, you're going to the bar. You approach the temple and you see a man in very traditional church clothing and there's a little encampment set up right outside. That is just a very like shoddily put together, fenced in area with a bunch of cots, and you see him tending to wounded and as you get closer you notice that it is a dragon born.
Speaker 1:Why has it got to be a dragon born? Why is that important? I haven't even met the guy. Now you're making me make judgments. I was just letting you know your assumptions are on you. I walk up to the the. They said it was a priest, priest robes yeah, he goes.
Speaker 3:Ugh a dwarf see what you've done. That's such a dragonborn response. I can say that I'm one of them he looks over so stupid.
Speaker 1:Tyler broke himself.
Speaker 2:He looks over. Oh, thank you so much. I'm very glad to have your help. Do you just know medicines? What kind of healing can you provide?
Speaker 1:Yep. Okay, I've been traveling the land, I can do physical medicine and also I'm blessed in the clerical ways.
Speaker 2:Ah, okay. Well, I have it separated as best as I can. On the left, here are the gravely wounded that I'm doing my best to keep together. I'll take them. Well, that's awfully bold of you, and he just kind of points, he goes.
Speaker 1:I just go to the. He motioned to a direction, so I just go over that way pretty confident and I just start dragging cots together. So their people are within. What is that? It's a 15-foot radius.
Speaker 2:I don't know. He looks at you and he's like I don't know your spells, but he's like it seems like you're. It seems like you're. I guess I'm just going to have to trust you.
Speaker 1:And I just start punching all the wounded.
Speaker 2:I'm here for the experience.
Speaker 1:I heal their wounds.
Speaker 2:Through God he goes I guess I'll just have to trust you and he starts working on the more minorly injured individuals.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I drag like five of the most grievously wounded near each other and. I cast prayer of healing Cool, okay, healing.
Speaker 2:Cool, okay, cool, yeah, you can what's the prayer.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's just very, I don't know, rub-a-dub-dub.
Speaker 3:Keep in the blood, Yay Paylor.
Speaker 1:Just yeah, that's actually. I think that's the kind of interesting thing you don't see him do like a traditional prayer, Like cop out.
Speaker 3:What's a traditional prayer?
Speaker 1:Well, it'd be like you know, you put the hands over it and like, oh pay Lord, oh no, I channel Canadian health care.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's not going to get help for like six months, but it's free.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so instead of like taking like a focus or anything like that, I just kind of like put my hands over and just mumble a little prayer of like please help these people in a time of need, and like his hands start to glow and they heal the 13 points or whatever I said.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so they don't get completely healed, but they are no longer fatally injured. You've essentially stabilized them and put them on the path to recovery.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And go ahead and give yourself an inspiration for playing into your character Nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he looks over and he goes. Oh you were. I don't want to necessarily make any assumptions, but I was not expecting that level from just a stranger that walked up to the front of the temple yeah, we do what we can um and he goes I. I didn't catch your name.
Speaker 1:My name is estelle oh hi, uh, vance, sorry I uh, people were dying so I figured we could do the politeness afterwards, but it seems like they got. It seems like they're doing all right and roll me a perception.
Speaker 2:Check 10 gotcha. You notice that out of the group of people that are here, it's split pretty 50-50 amongst soldiers and like citizens.
Speaker 1:Okay, I talk to the citizens while I'm there to be like I'm just starting to do mundane medicine checks now and chatting with the people with the cuts and bruises and whatnot. Yeah, I just know there's the sixth guy.
Speaker 2:Fuck that sixth. Hurt man the sixth. Guy's like oh, my daughter is going to miss me. He keels over.
Speaker 1:Probably yeah, if you were a good dad. But no, I go to the after, taking care of all the grievous ones. I go to the nicks and cuts because I figure they're a bit more able to talk For sure. What's happening over here? What's going on?
Speaker 2:The first citizen that's getting banished up, he goes. We were just at this local outpost up north when, out of nowhere, these wolves came out and attacked us. It was so bizarre.
Speaker 1:He's like trying to get his ass in the air. He covers his wolf insignia my trauma and he takes psychic damage and dies Crazy. That guy was weak, yeah, but he's psychic damage and dies Crazy.
Speaker 2:That guy was weak, yeah, but he's like it's just this cord it felt very. He's just mumbling to himself. He's like I just can't get his thoughts processed, okay so a wolf attack up north.
Speaker 1:So it's not just bandits. That's interesting. They got a druid or a werewolf.
Speaker 3:Werewolves can control wolves right, or trained dogs or a guy that has kibble snacks and time on his hands.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they just mauled a dude that had beef jerky in his pocket.
Speaker 3:I want to know did they hear a clicking sound?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I kind of look around If there's anyone else like I figure this takes a little bit, but it's like ah, you're collecting information, so there's been some wolf attack up north and I go to the soldiers. I'm like well, what happened? What happened over here?
Speaker 2:uh, he kind of mumbles the same thing about the wolves, but he gets a little bit more in detail where he's like, yeah, we were just transporting these people up to, uh, kerr hill at the north, but like that night, the very night that we left the gate, these wolves, they just came out of nowhere and we don't have any reason. Unless they were starving to death, there's no reason that they would attack us. But they hit us first and he kind of gestures and the guards are way more wounded and it's like wolves aren't that intelligent. He's just kind of going along with it.
Speaker 1:I'm like hey, and I uncover my wolf sensing. What do you mean by that? And these are, what soldiers? Are these Soldaren?
Speaker 2:Roll me. You know what? You would know whether it was the local guard, because you're from.
Speaker 1:Yeah, at worst I'd be like who are you with?
Speaker 2:They are Soldeus, okay, soldeus.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool. Yeah, I'll wrap that up and I will head to the tavern.
Speaker 2:Okay, cool, so nothing else for.
Speaker 1:Estel. No, I mean, I just kind of wanted to do like I said. He's a bit of a man of actions, Just came in, helped out, keep his eyes open for anything untowards, and this seems like kind of it. I go to. Estel and I go if you ever need anything, feel free to find me Cool right on.
Speaker 2:Roll me a perception check on the way to the tavern. Okay, 21., 21. So you notice? I see it. Yeah, as soon as you clear that main road, all of the posters are anti-Soldeus. It seems like in the military areas it's very patriotic, military areas it's very patriotic, but anywhere off the beaten path is like anti, like shoot down the vote and like organizations of we need to stop joining, like like when you're going through like small town america you see, like that no windmills poster.
Speaker 2:You know, all right, interesting, interesting. And we cut over to cavern. When you walk into the the tavern, you are immediately hit with a bunch of anti-soldius propaganda and sitting at a table way off in the distance talking to a guard is an elf that you can't 100% put it together, but you're fairly sure. Is that elf that escaped the attack?
Speaker 3:This isn't a TGI Fridays, and that's where we're gonna end it All right.
Speaker 2:thank you all so much for watching. This has been episode two of season two of the Monster Monster Podcast. I've been Tyler, your DM, and you can catch everything I do at nerd news.
Speaker 3:And I'm Kevin Eggleston. You can catch everything at Kevin Egglestoncom or Kevin underscore egg on this socials, nice, and I'm Tyson Cox.
Speaker 1:You can find me at Tyson Cox comedy and, uh yeah, keep an eye out. We've got videos every week.