Kate Moryoussef  00:00
We put a huge amount of pressure on ourselves to succeed. We have a list of achievements that we want to do I want to write a book and when a lot of blogs podcasts, I want to create a program with like 50 people and all these things we put huge amount of pressure. But actually, sometimes that productivity that needs to be productive the whole time is the thing that is the ball of chain. So sometimes it's just it's okay to be it's okay to rest

Brooke Schnittman  00:30
Welcome to successful with ADHD, I'm Brooke Shipman and if you have ADHD and are feeling overwhelmed, chaotic and negative self beliefs, you're in the right place. The successful with ADHD podcast shares my guests journeys of overcoming challenges offering their tips and strategies for success to empower you to take control of your life and thrive with ADHD. Let's get started. Hi everybody, today we have Kate more Yousef here. And I am so excited because Kate and I have collaborated before she invited me on to her podcast to talk about ADHD coaching. And Kate is lovely. She's the host of the award nominated ADHD wellbeing, podcast and lifestyle coach and EFT practitioner for a woman diagnosed with ADHD later on in life, and Kate works one on one host workshops and runs the ADHD woman's well being collective with over 60 women from all around the world. She helps empower support guide women to thrive now they know what has been holding them back their whole lives. And Kate's passion is helping women see what's already within them and encouraging them to finally step into their desires along with their ADHD. And Kaitlyn is in Manchester, United Kingdom with her husband boarded up four kids, not four dogs, and four kids and a dog. And hopefully I'll make it over the UK soon. I was supposed to be there a few years ago. You guys are lovely, and would love to see it. Anyway. Welcome.

02:14
Thank you. Thank you, Brooke.

Brooke Schnittman  02:15
So okay, you have ADHD correct. So why don't you share with our listeners a little bit about your journey, when you got diagnosed, what life was like for you growing up,

02:26
I was diagnosed nearly three years ago, at the age of 40. And that was because I was going through the diagnostic process with one of my children, as we know, typically here, but ADHD for me has always been around because I've had two brothers grow up with it. And I've known that they've had it since they were kids. So it was like really early on in sort of the ADHD kind of awareness space. And it was very sort of typically packaged as like naughty kid, parents can't control the kids. So get your kids out, my brothers went to lots of different schools, and there just wasn't the support, the knowledge, the acceptance. And so I grew up between two brothers who were very challenging to my parents. And it was not easy. So I was sort of the quiet one head down. Didn't make it first very shy. However, looking back, I was struggling at school, I was struggling academically retaining the information, understanding the information, but because I moved schools and countries quite a lot, it was all sort of like hidden. And it was just because oh, you know, you've moved schools again, are you learning a new language? Or you've moved to another city? And it was kind of well

Brooke Schnittman  03:40
didn't really get to know you, too. Yeah,

03:43
exactly. The teacher didn't know me. I didn't know myself because I was always trying to fit in and mask and all of that. So yeah, it was pretty hidden beep you know, below. But then as I was having my kids and my career started changing, and things started coming to the forefront. I was like, What is going on here? Like, why can't I stick it things? Why have I got all these ideas and when I try and implement them, they don't work. And I kept coming up against hurdles, roadblocks. And I was getting more and more and once depressed about it, but it was really weighing on me heavily as I was bringing my kids up and I had all this ambition, all these desires, all these dreams, all these hopes and I couldn't understand why things weren't aligning, like why I couldn't get where I wanted to get to. Right holistic felt like I was being held up by myself. I didn't know what it was that was getting in your way. Probably. Yeah. So it was really enlightening when I got that diagnosis, but also really upsetting and sad. And there was a lot of was it as we all know the process the grieving process. Oh my gosh, process is really hard.

Brooke Schnittman  04:52
So understanding your own brain and all the years of not understanding yourself and and other people not understanding you. Yeah, that's interesting. So having two brothers who were diagnosed in childhood and you being that quiet, shy girl with undiagnosed ADHD, what was that like for you? I know, you said you moved a lot but emotionally, so you felt like you weren't reaching your potential, of course. But what was that, like emotionally, as a sister as a daughter as a student? Yeah,

05:34
I mean, at the time, I bleach just had to get through it. Like, I had to just my parents got divorced. It was just getting through the situation. You know, there was resilience built, I became very capable and very independent. But internally, there was a lot of introspection, there was a lot of being inside my own head, and worrying. And there was anxiety there. Even though I didn't know I didn't have the language, I didn't have the words. I was just worried I used to wake up in the night like in cold sweats. And I just didn't understand. I didn't understand, you know, why I worried so much, and why certain things really gave me a huge amount of anxiety. And I couldn't put my hand up in class speaking, being terrified that I was going to be called upon in class, because I didn't really understand what was going on. But you know, I was just sort of nodding and doing things attending. Yeah, can make us we don't want to, you know, create any alarm whatsoever. But I was I was I was the typical one looking out the window daydreaming. I was the one that was getting the report saying you've Kate, maybe make it Kate stop chatting, or maybe Kate paid more attention, or if she handed her homework in in time, because I was a really good girl. Like, I wasn't naughty, I wasn't disruptive. I just kept my head down. I didn't want to make it first. It just went completely under the radar, which, you know, only up until recently, were understanding, you know, that's how ADHD can present in girls. But Emotionally, it was tough, I would say really tough. And because I had the added layer of moving around and moving languages, schools, cities, countries divorce, it was literally just get through, get through what you need to get through. So academically, I didn't succeed in the way that I would have hoped. But then I finally went to university. And that's when I kind of was like, right, this is not right. This is why is everyone taking notes in the lecture, but I literally can't concentrate. Why is everyone handing their work in on time and, and being able to just sit down and actually do that work? Like, why can't I do that? And that's when things are never even considered ADHD? I really didn't. I knew there was

Brooke Schnittman  07:43
something different. Concentration. Yeah, for sure. Wow. So living with this invisible disability, and then starting to see when you went to university that things were different. It started to add up, and then you add 20 more years to life. And what happened at age 40. That made you realize, ooh, I too, think I have this.

08:13
Yeah. I mean, we were slapped back in the pandemic. It was November 2020. And it was my daughter that we'd been thinking for a while there was about two years and I've been getting tested for dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD never came up. And I asked the teachers Oh, she's so good in class, you don't need to worry. She's such a, she's such a good girl. It was not reflecting on her marks. It wasn't reflecting on the way she could do her homework. And then obviously, we were all homeschooling. And I was sitting with her, it was sort of me and her, while my older two were sort of on video calls, and my younger one was too little. And she was just playing in the garden. And she was getting so frustrated and overwhelmed. And it was really coming to a head and she couldn't sell a chair properly. And she was rolling around. And then, you know, there was a comprehension. And she'd look at this text, and it was just like, lights overwhelmed. But it was kind of like I understood intrinsically as I totally get where you come from all these memories and flashbacks and triggering, actually. And something just came to me I was I wouldn't have this as ADHD. And then I started doing loads of research as we always do. And I said to my husband, who was at the time quite cynical about it all, and kind of always was like, stop looking for things start looking for things. And I really had to really make my mark on this and say, I really think we need to go down this route. Did and we got her tested. And thankfully, it was quite done relatively quickly, but because I had to do all her forms and really talk about her. It was like I was talking about myself and I said you know what, I'm gonna go and do the same for myself and we got diagnosed within two weeks of each other. Wow. That process together and I remember locked down and obviously you couldn't see anyone and we go for dog walks. I used to listen to this podcast called journey with me through ADHD.

Brooke Schnittman  10:04
Yes. Yeah. With key repeat rate melbury. Yes.

10:07
Yeah. She was fantastic. And we used to listen with one air pod in each ear and what the dog. And that was her little outlet. And she's saying, I mean, that's what happens to me or let me I really can understand what she's saying, Yes, I just want to like curl up in a ball and hide somewhere. And, and it was really cathartic for us both because I said to her, I understand I get it. So it was really pivotal, that time being in lockdown, be able to sort of process it without her being at school and worrying. And then obviously, she got to go back to school, and she had the diagnosis and speak to the teachers. And that was kind of like, I don't want my friends to know. So it was all these different things, and that I was working through it myself, there was so much shame and embarrassment. And who do I tell? Do I tell people the right not to help people? I don't make an announcement do I have to kind of like, come clean? Like, it was almost like I felt if I didn't tell people I was holding back. But it was also coaching at the same time. And I was coaching women who were like me, but I didn't have the articulation. So I used to say, Are you overwhelmed? Are you stressed? Are you burnt out? Are you frazzled? Are you juggling a million things? Like literally naming every HD trait, right? Without a label? Yeah, exactly. So that's kind of how everything evolves in a very ADHD way.

Brooke Schnittman  11:30
Wow. So you were dealing with like, double dose, I mean, trying to help your daughter cope. And she's afraid of telling people, and then you as a coach, trying to figure out how to process and navigate this, because you really didn't have guidance yourself? Do you tell people as well. And obviously, you want to be a good advocate and a good example for your daughter. So you know, she sees what you're doing. So you have that double edged sword. How do you how do you process all this?

12:09
Yeah, it was I mean, instinctively, and intuitively, I was doing a lot of things to help my ADHD, I just didn't know what it was. So I was already trained as a well being and health coach, I was already a training to be an EFT practitioner, everything that I was doing was, how can I find more calm? How can I feel more at ease? Like how can I just feel calmer, and less overwhelmed. And so I was helping women do that. But that was through like lifestyle and wellbeing coaching there since I've been able to marry it all together. But it took me a while that process was, you know, did take a while. And then at the same time that you say I was helping my daughter, but obviously I've got four kids. And she's not the only one now with ADHD. So that's a whole other laxity. And we've you know, going through the family tree now be able to see where it's come from which parents and grandparents. And yeah, it's been a really big thing. And being able to connect mental health dots and addiction issues, and all sorts of things that have ADHD has pretty much been at the root of, for lots of generational

Brooke Schnittman  13:18
issues. It's so interesting, because as someone like you and me, we're both coaches, we're, you know, like few years apart from each other age wise, you're successful, and you've masked and you've coped, and you figured out ways, emotionally, and schedule wise, and just ways to train your brain to increase focus. So you've figured all that out before you even had that ADHD diagnosis. So really, it sounds like for you, once you received the diagnosis, it was more about just connecting the dots in the past and understanding why certain things are the way that you are and how you can connect to your community even better.

14:05
Yeah, it definitely gave me more purpose. It gave me more of a drive to show up. It gave me a hook, I guess, to be able to be like, right, okay, but it also allowed me to step into my voice a little bit more and it allowed me to be more authentic and it was very scary. And exposing we're had to go through all the RSD stuff. And that was another RST was huge for me huge has been throughout a whole marriage kept saying why do you care so much what people think. Why are you so scared of judgment? Why should anyone run them?

Brooke Schnittman  14:38
Yeah, all that anxiety and the hyper alertness that you fell it's

14:42
totally so it's definitely helped me give there's more drive there to help other women because I get it I'm really intrinsic could get it but yeah, I think I was just problem solving along the way, constantly superlight Well, how do I get over that overwhelm? How do I get over that sensitivity? How do I decompress? And I just thought I was a busy mom with four kids. I am a busy mom with four kids. Yes, you can be either busy brain. I don't have a busy brain. And I enjoy a busy life. Like I thrive of busyness. But I'm also one of those people that needs to be away from people quiet house. Yeah, it's just it's just knowing how I need to decompress how I need to re energize what my boundaries are. What helps me thrive and not having a new shame about it, where I used to have shame and like, why can't I just keep going? I see other people just keep going. And they don't need, like, quiet time. They don't need to put lock themselves away. They don't need to have space from like appointments and buffers. And I just thought I was very just hypersensitive, like, Why do I have to have all these things in place? But now I understand. You know what

Brooke Schnittman  15:57
hypersensitivity is a part of you? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so you have this diagnosis. Now, you run a successful business, you know, your boundaries, you know, how to authentically show up for your clients, and you feel like you have more of a purpose. Now, what would you say has been the most helpful thing for you with this awareness of ADHD?

16:22
I think it's the self compassion and the self acceptance, which feeds totally into EFT, you know, tapping, it's all about self acceptance and self compassion, and recognizing and validating everything that we've gone through, and bringing that to the surface, but releasing it as well and letting go of things, because I think we're quite good at harboring a lot. I mean, everything, can we go back and we can get it to where that used to be, my pattern used to be my pattern. And I'm slowly recognizing that the past is the past, and I can't change the past anymore, I have to almost send compassion to that younger version of myself, definitely. But that's not going to help me move forward now. And I want to move forward with I've got a lot of things that I want to do. I'm like, hugely ambitious, but also, I want to help a lot of people. And I have lots of ideas and plans and creativity and joy and all the things that I want to do. But if I go back to that past version of myself, and I go back to that kind of like, Why did I not know, and why I can't change my childhood, that kind of sends me sort of like quite heavy, dense energy that hot, that's hard for me to get out of. So I would say, there's the self compassion, self forgiveness, and acceptance for who we are, who our brains are, and then start stepping into like, who can I get help from? What resources do I got available, sort of like getting into a really proactive mode, where it's okay to not be productive and achieving all the time. But if we can reach out and form communities and collaborate, to hell, but help them pull back and rest and pause. And now that we don't have to be perfect, we're on just this journey, but little steps in the right direction are gonna get us the place as opposed to huge monumental shifts that gonna burn us out. And we're going to kind of go to self sabotage, and like, close the whole thing down. And then then we've got the story of, here we go, again, another failure I can't do, which was a story of mine. I'm not, you know, I know their story. But now, I've made a conscious decision. I've been intentional with the way I speak to myself, the way I pull myself out of situations where I can feel myself going down that old pathway. So it's a lot of self awareness as well, I would say, just checking in.

Brooke Schnittman  18:51
Yeah. So knowing that your past is your past. And the self awareness helps you remember that you don't have to live in that past, and you can continue to make these small, incremental steps. So this way, you don't have to be dealt with heavy shame if you are creating monumental goals and not achieving them. So you're more realistic with who you are, what the potential you have is, and it sounds like you have more of a realistic path to get there and the community to help you. Which is wonderful.

19:26
Yeah, yeah, I think that's right. The realistic side is actually a really good point. Because we put a huge amount of pressure on ourselves to succeed. We have a list of achievements that we want to do, I want to write a book and when a lot of blogs, podcasts, I want to create a program with like 50 people in all these things, we put a huge amount of pressure. But actually, sometimes that productivity that needs to be productive the whole time is the thing that is the ball of chain. So sometimes it's just it's okay to be it's okay to rest. It's okay. I have downtime. I literally just did a workshop and I just said it's we're allowed to give our permission, ourselves permission to just sit back and just let things percolate and let things kind of like activate within us. And we don't actually have to be productive and on our laptops and social media to think that we're being productive, if you know what I mean. It's an ad Haley, energetically meditating, sitting walking in nature, kind of like coming up with ideas in that way. It's, it's just as productive as writing up a newsletter, or showing up on a live or any of these things that sometimes can feel depleting and exhausting for us, especially if we're prone to burnout. You know, I know lately, so many people with you know, ambitious ADHD as who pray to burnout migraines, or to immune issues, all these things. It's because we're not listening to our body. We have to give back to our body, keep checking back in what's my body telling me? What am I feeling? What am I hearing, but what am I ignoring?

Brooke Schnittman  21:03
And it's also giving yourself permission to take that time to check in with yourself. So when we ADHD errs, who want to be productive all the time, are constantly in motion and our brains constantly in motion? When do we need to schedule in that time to say, Hold on? Stop the brakes? Where am I at on a scale from one to 10? Where's my energy level? Have I done the things that I set out to do like that? Number one intention for the day? Was that already set? Like, am I good for now? Can Can I hold that for a little bit? So I love what you're sharing. And so often I feel like the key is actually setting aside that time to actually check in with yourself. And that's where coaching really helps. Because someone is saying, Okay, I'm going to spend an hour for me to check in, like, what are my wins? Where am I at? What progress have I made? All those things?

22:05
Yeah, I mean, what is it then about the coaching? Why I think it's so powerful for ADHD is because we're so in our heads, and we ruminate and we go over and then we sort of change perspectives and all things like that, when we can externalize what's going on. Actually, we can hover a little bit and we can look over the situation go actually, is that true? Wherever I got the evidence for that? What words my using, you know, I've done NLP training, and it's so powerful the linguistic side of when we say things like always, everyone never,

Brooke Schnittman  22:39
never right. And that is my next mindset, right?

22:43
And it's like, is that true? So sometimes just the coaching where someone can bounce that back and challenge you a little bit? You know, I've got an amazing coach, and my husband who has I have no training whatsoever. I don't know how he does it. He just knows all the coaching stuff, just intuitive.

Brooke Schnittman  23:00
And maybe it's because he's married and so on.

23:02
But wow. Because he was always there like, surely me when I was in the depths of my lowest self esteem, low self confidence, coming up with every reason why I can never do anything, you would always challenge me. And I do believe that, you know, find that cheerleader, find that person that is going to be that one, to challenge you and pull you out and ask you the questions that you need to be asked and highlight all the stuff that you have done, because we are very good at dismissing that we don't celebrate our Williard gap

Brooke Schnittman  23:33
focused. Negativity bias. You know what I would love to know. So you were diagnosed three years ago. And that's really when the UK started getting those stream right of diagnoses for adults with ADHD. So I'm curious at this point, I know there's 400% of people in the UK, I think it was reported adults who are looking for an ADHD diagnosis.

24:01
I found percent increase. Yeah, increase, right. Yeah.

Brooke Schnittman  24:03
So did you go through NHS or?

24:07
No, I didn't, okay, I didn't because at the moment anyone that's in UK will know that the waiting times it just crazy to Gillis even just to have like titration to have to have a follow up appointment. You're left out on a limb a bit, because there's just not enough resources and not enough experienced people and trained doctors and therapists to then help you, you know, on the next step, which is why I think my podcast has been so helpful for lots of women because it's almost like a holding Bay for women who are waiting for diagnosis or have been diagnosed and been said, Well, here's the medication by and they're like, Well, we really don't want to take medication or maybe the medication is great, but there's loads of other stuff that the medication can't deal with. Absolutely. Though the podcast and the coaching and the workshops and all that has really helped a lot of women all around the world. not just the UK to gain more understanding, gain more self awareness, understand that patterns of behavior, but also help them understand how to move forwards and empower them to find tools and techniques that work for them. Because as you know, not all of us have the say, like, we're all very different. We work in lots of different industries and families know families. And so it's not a cookie cutter situation. And you can't turn people out within diagnosis and medication because it's so much more complex than that. Absolutely. So yeah, so I just think that it's a treat, I think we're in a tricky situation right now. Because the awareness is growing. People want the help, the help isn't quite there. And women are being more empowered, I guess, I think we're in this situation where we're recognizing we have a lot more power than than we used to. So women want to have more acknowledged to help themselves to move forward and step into their desires and their purpose and have careers and lives that are like fulfilled. And why shouldn't we?

Brooke Schnittman  26:01
Absolutely. So for those people who are on that waitlist, what would you recommend to them?

26:07
I would say educate yourself. Empower yourself with knowledge. You know, your Instagram account is incredible. I'm here to share all your your posts, always podcasts.

Brooke Schnittman  26:20
HD well being podcast. Yes. Yeah, this is you're right up there with ADHD podcasts.

26:26
I genuinely when I launched the podcast, I thought he was going to be interested in ADHD women, well being like she's gonna want to hear this is I'm going to have like five listeners. And when we

Brooke Schnittman  26:37
learn imposter syndrome,

26:40
impostor syndrome, and when we launched within two weeks, the numbers just went. And that's when I was like, Okay, there's a lot of women out there that need help. There's a lot of women out there who aren't getting the help through their local resources or services. And they're looking elsewhere. And so I just kind of showed up and shared my story and got guests in interesting guests, and hopefully helping lots of women is so

Brooke Schnittman  27:05
yeah, yeah, I mean, it definitely has. We've already had, like, 10 people come from your podcast wanting to be coached with us. So yes, a lot of people are listening. So for those of you who aren't listening, go listen. Subscribe to the ADHD wellbeing, podcast, women's wellbeing podcast, it's read. Okay, thank you so much for hopping on. If someone wants to get in contact with you or follow you, where would you recommend they go find you?

27:38
Yeah, so my website is ADHD women's wellbeing.co.uk. My podcast is ADHD women's well being podcast. So you can find me on Instagram Kate more Youssef or the podcast web that's more ADHD specific. So that's ADHD women's wellbeing pod. And I do workshops, we've got the collective, which is the membership, I'm doing programs, I'm pretty much capacity one to one now. And I'm very conscious of that, because that's where I spend a lot of energy. So I'm trying to do more group work and more and help more people and models, my clients that burnout is not an option anymore. Like I'm just not subscribing to that nation, and I need to protect my energy, you're

Brooke Schnittman  28:20
modeling that for them. I have to

28:22
add as much as I'd love to do one to one work with lots of women, and they do come to me, I feel bad turning them away. But I have to because my family is really important. And I've come from quite a dysfunctional family. So I'm trying to like break a cycle as well in that respect. So yeah,

Brooke Schnittman  28:38
good for you for keeping up with your boundaries and your non negotiables. If you can show up for yourself, you can show up for your clients, you can show up for yourself, you can show up for your clients. So you're doing them a favor by taking less one on one clients. Right. And you're doing your family a favor and yourself

28:54
wrong. Trying. Rash is not perfect. Of course,

Brooke Schnittman  28:59
of course. Thank you for coming on to our podcast today. For those of you listening, it's been a real pleasure having Kate on, and I will talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey. And if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us at coaching with brooke.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke and remember, it's Brooke with any Thanks again for listening. See you next time.