{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.3,"body":"There's a reason that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.3,"body":"there's pain scales on the walls"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":3.3,"endTime":7.62,"body":"at the hospital. It's because"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":3.3,"endTime":7.62,"body":"feelings are inherently really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":7.62,"endTime":10.68,"body":"tough to communicate about."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":7.62,"endTime":10.68,"body":"There's a lot of room for"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":10.68,"endTime":15.0,"body":"miscommunication. And so I use"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":10.68,"endTime":15.0,"body":"scales here, there and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":15.0,"endTime":17.1,"body":"everywhere. I use them with my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":15.0,"endTime":17.1,"body":"kids. I use them with my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":17.1,"endTime":21.02,"body":"husband. The most benign example"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":17.1,"endTime":21.02,"body":"I have is if, if I make a really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":21.08,"endTime":23.96,"body":"and I think that people non"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":21.08,"endTime":23.96,"body":"verbally speak very different"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":23.96,"endTime":28.28,"body":"languages, so I'm very"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":23.96,"endTime":28.28,"body":"expressive. Like, if you made me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":28.28,"endTime":31.64,"body":"a dinner and I thought it was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":28.28,"endTime":31.64,"body":"fantastic, I would be telling"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":31.64,"endTime":35.36,"body":"you with my whole face, oh, my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":31.64,"endTime":35.36,"body":"hands would be moving. I would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":35.36,"endTime":38.24,"body":"be saying, Brooke, you you need"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":35.36,"endTime":38.24,"body":"to make this on reap. You need"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":38.24,"endTime":42.46,"body":"to get a food truck. You need to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":38.24,"endTime":42.46,"body":"sell this like you would know"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":42.46,"endTime":46.6,"body":"that I liked it. My husband, if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":42.46,"endTime":46.6,"body":"I make a really good dinner and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":46.6,"endTime":52.84,"body":"I say I like this dinner, he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":46.6,"endTime":52.84,"body":"says it's good, high pitched"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":52.84,"endTime":56.38,"body":"good for me. Would mean it's not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":52.84,"endTime":56.38,"body":"that great, it's not that great,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":56.38,"endTime":58.96,"body":"but I don't want to argue about"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":56.38,"endTime":58.96,"body":"it, or I don't want to hurt your"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":58.96,"endTime":61.26,"body":"feelings, so I'm going to say"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":58.96,"endTime":61.26,"body":"it's good, but I don't really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":61.26,"endTime":62.82,"body":"mean it. Now,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":64.14,"endTime":66.9,"body":"instead of assuming that that's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":64.14,"endTime":66.9,"body":"what his high pitched good"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":67.02,"endTime":72.42,"body":"meant, I started asking on a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":67.02,"endTime":72.42,"body":"scale of zero to 10, how much do"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":72.42,"endTime":78.12,"body":"you like this meal? And he said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":72.42,"endTime":78.12,"body":"I kid you not, 9.5 and I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":78.12,"endTime":81.02,"body":"like, that's how you express 9.5"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":89.0,"endTime":91.82,"body":"welcome back"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":89.0,"endTime":91.82,"body":"to another episode of successful"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":91.82,"endTime":95.96,"body":"with ADHD today. I have Micah"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":91.82,"endTime":95.96,"body":"Ross who's the relatable"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":95.96,"endTime":99.38,"body":"Therapist and Relationship Coach"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":95.96,"endTime":99.38,"body":"who wants to scratch her"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":99.38,"endTime":102.16,"body":"husband's eyes out sometimes."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":104.92,"endTime":110.62,"body":"I mean, who doesn't? But? But"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":104.92,"endTime":110.62,"body":"thank you for being honest about"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":110.62,"endTime":111.82,"body":"it. Yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":111.82,"endTime":113.8,"body":"think anger,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":111.82,"endTime":113.8,"body":"frustration, irritation is a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":113.8,"endTime":117.58,"body":"normal part of relationships."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":113.8,"endTime":117.58,"body":"Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":117.58,"endTime":119.68,"body":"Big feelings."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":117.58,"endTime":119.68,"body":"Big feelings. I know you talk a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":119.68,"endTime":125.28,"body":"lot about big feelings. So for"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":119.68,"endTime":125.28,"body":"those of you who hadn't heard my"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":125.28,"endTime":128.52,"body":"podcast episode with Micah, I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":125.28,"endTime":128.52,"body":"had met her because she brought"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":128.52,"endTime":131.88,"body":"me onto her podcast, and we had"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":128.52,"endTime":131.88,"body":"such a great conversation. And I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":131.88,"endTime":138.84,"body":"think that you just really get"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":131.88,"endTime":138.84,"body":"into the feelings and the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":138.84,"endTime":145.04,"body":"science and ask questions that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":138.84,"endTime":145.04,"body":"others might not ask or say"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":145.04,"endTime":150.02,"body":"things that go deeper than"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":145.04,"endTime":150.02,"body":"others. So I would love for you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":150.02,"endTime":154.34,"body":"to kind of just quickly"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":150.02,"endTime":154.34,"body":"introduce yourself, your story"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":154.34,"endTime":159.2,"body":"behind why you specialize with"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":154.34,"endTime":159.2,"body":"ADHD and relationships and then,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":159.2,"endTime":162.82,"body":"like, let's get into all the fun"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":159.2,"endTime":162.82,"body":"stuff after Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":162.82,"endTime":165.34,"body":"yeah. So I'm a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":162.82,"endTime":165.34,"body":"therapist and relationship"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":165.34,"endTime":170.38,"body":"coach, and I did, I sort of got"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":165.34,"endTime":170.38,"body":"into this accidentally. I really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":170.38,"endTime":173.92,"body":"thought I wanted to work with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":170.38,"endTime":173.92,"body":"kids. My degrees are in marriage"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":173.92,"endTime":177.7,"body":"and family counseling. Both of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":173.92,"endTime":177.7,"body":"my parents have been married"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":177.7,"endTime":181.38,"body":"three times, so I did not. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":177.7,"endTime":181.38,"body":"thought my background sort of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":181.38,"endTime":187.2,"body":"unqualified me to do work with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":181.38,"endTime":187.2,"body":"couples, but I actually have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":187.2,"endTime":191.76,"body":"come to believe that it's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":187.2,"endTime":191.76,"body":"probably madely made me weirdly"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":191.76,"endTime":194.64,"body":"qualified. I know what great"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":191.76,"endTime":194.64,"body":"relationships. I know what not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":194.64,"endTime":197.16,"body":"great relationships look like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":194.64,"endTime":197.16,"body":"which I think can make people"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":197.16,"endTime":199.86,"body":"clear about what they do look"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":197.16,"endTime":199.86,"body":"like. I know what not great"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":199.86,"endTime":203.78,"body":"communication sounds like, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":199.86,"endTime":203.78,"body":"what it feels like. And so I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":203.78,"endTime":207.14,"body":"think it's been sort of a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":203.78,"endTime":207.14,"body":"roundabout path. I started to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":207.14,"endTime":209.66,"body":"work with kids, and realized"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":207.14,"endTime":209.66,"body":"pretty quickly that I had more"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":209.66,"endTime":212.24,"body":"of an act with their parents,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":209.66,"endTime":212.24,"body":"and I thought I could probably"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":212.24,"endTime":216.92,"body":"create more sustainable change"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":212.24,"endTime":216.92,"body":"by helping the parents change"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":216.92,"endTime":220.6,"body":"dynamics between the two of them"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":216.92,"endTime":220.6,"body":"and with their children than I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":220.6,"endTime":223.66,"body":"could just taking one little"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":220.6,"endTime":223.66,"body":"piece of the system out every"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":223.66,"endTime":226.84,"body":"once in a while and then putting"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":223.66,"endTime":226.84,"body":"it back into the system that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":226.84,"endTime":230.56,"body":"maybe created it. So that's a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":226.84,"endTime":230.56,"body":"little bit about my background."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":231.52,"endTime":237.28,"body":"I have a kiddo who was diagnosed"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":231.52,"endTime":237.28,"body":"with ADHD daughter at 13, kind"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":237.28,"endTime":243.18,"body":"of late in the pandemic. And the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":237.28,"endTime":243.18,"body":"thing that made me realize that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":243.18,"endTime":246.36,"body":"she had ADHD is that I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":243.18,"endTime":246.36,"body":"scrolling the internet and came"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":246.36,"endTime":250.86,"body":"across an article entitled which"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":246.36,"endTime":250.86,"body":"I cannot find anymore. So nobody"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":250.86,"endTime":254.76,"body":"asked me to send them the link."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":250.86,"endTime":254.76,"body":"The title must have changed, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":254.76,"endTime":259.32,"body":"don't know, but the title"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":254.76,"endTime":259.32,"body":"exactly, was people with ADHD"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":259.32,"endTime":263.48,"body":"tend to tend to self medicate"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":259.32,"endTime":263.48,"body":"with conflict and drama, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":263.48,"endTime":268.88,"body":"that explains a lot of our home"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":263.48,"endTime":268.88,"body":"life, why we had this highly"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":268.88,"endTime":274.28,"body":"emotionally intelligent kiddo"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":268.88,"endTime":274.28,"body":"who, when was triggered, could"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":274.34,"endTime":279.8,"body":"could not stop poking, could not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":274.34,"endTime":279.8,"body":"stop compulsively engaging like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":280.04,"endTime":284.26,"body":"she couldn't not, she couldn't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":280.04,"endTime":284.26,"body":"stop. That is sort of what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":285.22,"endTime":289.66,"body":"sparked a whole lot of interest"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":285.22,"endTime":289.66,"body":"in ADHD for me, and I started"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":289.66,"endTime":295.06,"body":"seeing its effects within the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":289.66,"endTime":295.06,"body":"couples in my practice. And if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":295.06,"endTime":298.12,"body":"people weren't already"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":295.06,"endTime":298.12,"body":"diagnosed, when I would ask, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":298.12,"endTime":300.18,"body":"know, I would, I would put"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":298.12,"endTime":300.18,"body":"together some things as I. Was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":300.18,"endTime":303.0,"body":"listening to people, you know,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":300.18,"endTime":303.0,"body":"like I was hearing some"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":303.0,"endTime":305.28,"body":"rejection, sensitivity,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":303.0,"endTime":305.28,"body":"dysphoria, you know, like maybe"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":305.28,"endTime":307.38,"body":"they're taking some things"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":305.28,"endTime":307.38,"body":"personally that their spouse"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":307.38,"endTime":311.04,"body":"doesn't quite understand. Or,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":307.38,"endTime":311.04,"body":"you know, they go from zero to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":311.04,"endTime":314.94,"body":"100 or they have sound"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":311.04,"endTime":314.94,"body":"sensitivity, or, like, all of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":314.94,"endTime":318.96,"body":"these weird things I would start"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":314.94,"endTime":318.96,"body":"to hear. And then I would ask,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":319.02,"endTime":323.12,"body":"by any chance, is there an ADHD"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":319.02,"endTime":323.12,"body":"diagnosis in your history? And"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":323.18,"endTime":327.86,"body":"most of the time, I was right."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":323.18,"endTime":327.86,"body":"But then even if I wasn't, they"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":327.86,"endTime":332.12,"body":"would go get assessed and come"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":327.86,"endTime":332.12,"body":"back and say, You know what, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":332.12,"endTime":333.62,"body":"do have ADHD so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":333.92,"endTime":337.46,"body":"like the ADHD"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":333.92,"endTime":337.46,"body":"detector, yeah. But in the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":337.46,"endTime":338.48,"body":"weirdest"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":338.66,"endTime":342.04,"body":"I feel like it's kind"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":338.66,"endTime":342.04,"body":"of a strange way. I just put a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":342.04,"endTime":345.58,"body":"reel out to promote the podcast"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":342.04,"endTime":345.58,"body":"that I did with you. Just kind"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":345.58,"endTime":349.18,"body":"of like pointing to some things"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":345.58,"endTime":349.18,"body":"that I noticed in session and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":349.18,"endTime":352.84,"body":"the I mean, it's gone viral."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":349.18,"endTime":352.84,"body":"People are like, Oh my god, this"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":352.84,"endTime":357.7,"body":"is me. So people in who have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":352.84,"endTime":357.7,"body":"ADHD diagnosis from childhood, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":357.7,"endTime":361.92,"body":"feel like so often, don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":357.7,"endTime":361.92,"body":"understand that maybe the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":361.92,"endTime":364.98,"body":"impacts in their relationship."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":361.92,"endTime":364.98,"body":"It's like, I think most of us, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":364.98,"endTime":369.12,"body":"mean, even with training in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":364.98,"endTime":369.12,"body":"counseling and learning"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":369.12,"endTime":372.54,"body":"diagnostic criteria, I really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":369.12,"endTime":372.54,"body":"just thought about it like, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":372.54,"endTime":376.44,"body":"know, a disorder that impacts"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":372.54,"endTime":376.44,"body":"boys in a classroom."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":376.74,"endTime":379.62,"body":"Yeah, like so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":376.74,"endTime":379.62,"body":"many of us, there's so many"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":379.62,"endTime":382.34,"body":"nuggets that you just shared"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":379.62,"endTime":382.34,"body":"that I would love to go into a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":382.34,"endTime":386.12,"body":"little bit more, if you don't"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":382.34,"endTime":386.12,"body":"mind, yeah, first of all, the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":386.12,"endTime":390.38,"body":"fact that you said you felt like"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":386.12,"endTime":390.38,"body":"you were unqualified for your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":390.38,"endTime":394.22,"body":"position, because you had"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":390.38,"endTime":394.22,"body":"parents who were divorced three"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":394.22,"endTime":398.66,"body":"times, right? It's almost like"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":394.22,"endTime":398.66,"body":"what you said, okay, so you knew"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":398.66,"endTime":404.86,"body":"what to not do, and you know how"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":398.66,"endTime":404.86,"body":"to advise people? Sorry, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":404.86,"endTime":407.56,"body":"well, I knew what to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":404.86,"endTime":407.56,"body":"not do, but it also created an"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":407.56,"endTime":412.6,"body":"intense interest in me to figure"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":407.56,"endTime":412.6,"body":"out what to do. So I was reading"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":412.6,"endTime":416.14,"body":"when I was a teenager. I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":412.6,"endTime":416.14,"body":"reading books on relationship,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":416.14,"endTime":420.04,"body":"well being, books by Wayne Dyer,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":416.14,"endTime":420.04,"body":"spiritual stuff, psychological,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":420.04,"endTime":425.22,"body":"I mean, like I was devouring all"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":420.04,"endTime":425.22,"body":"kinds of texts that most of my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":425.22,"endTime":426.6,"body":"peers were not."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":427.02,"endTime":429.48,"body":"Yes. Well,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":427.02,"endTime":429.48,"body":"first of all, I know you don't"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":429.48,"endTime":433.38,"body":"have an ADHD diagnosis, but you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":429.48,"endTime":433.38,"body":"suspect that you might have it,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":433.38,"endTime":437.22,"body":"and definitely want to talk"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":433.38,"endTime":437.22,"body":"about that too, but you had a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":437.22,"endTime":443.3,"body":"strong interest in what not to"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":437.22,"endTime":443.3,"body":"do, and that led you to be even"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":443.3,"endTime":447.44,"body":"better at your craft. And I find"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":443.3,"endTime":447.44,"body":"it fascinating too, because"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":447.74,"endTime":452.48,"body":"people always think that you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":447.74,"endTime":452.48,"body":"have to experience all the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":452.48,"endTime":457.52,"body":"levels of like what to do, but I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":452.48,"endTime":457.52,"body":"find that there's so much"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":457.58,"endTime":462.04,"body":"information that can be"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":457.58,"endTime":462.04,"body":"understood when you figure out"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":462.04,"endTime":465.34,"body":"what not to do. And that's even"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":462.04,"endTime":465.34,"body":"like when you're an"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":465.34,"endTime":469.42,"body":"entrepreneur, you are a boss,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":465.34,"endTime":469.42,"body":"right? You learn what you don't"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":469.42,"endTime":473.32,"body":"want from your previous bosses"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":469.42,"endTime":473.32,"body":"and what you did like from your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":473.32,"endTime":475.48,"body":"previous bosses. So yeah,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":475.54,"endTime":478.24,"body":"the director in my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":475.54,"endTime":478.24,"body":"PhD program, I was having a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":478.24,"endTime":483.48,"body":"like, total imposter syndrome"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":478.24,"endTime":483.48,"body":"meltdown in his office one day,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":483.48,"endTime":486.0,"body":"like, I don't belong here. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":483.48,"endTime":486.0,"body":"don't know what I'm doing here."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":486.12,"endTime":491.82,"body":"I was sobbing, and he took me by"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":486.12,"endTime":491.82,"body":"the shoulders and said, your"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":491.82,"endTime":496.92,"body":"past has given you X ray vision"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":491.82,"endTime":496.92,"body":"into other people's pain that I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":496.92,"endTime":502.46,"body":"can't teach Yes, and it didn't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":496.92,"endTime":502.46,"body":"that did make me feel slightly"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":502.46,"endTime":505.04,"body":"better in the moment, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":502.46,"endTime":505.04,"body":"not going to say that like I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":505.04,"endTime":507.86,"body":"totally bought into it that day,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":505.04,"endTime":507.86,"body":"but over the years, I really, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":507.86,"endTime":512.0,"body":"think I have, I think that my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":507.86,"endTime":512.0,"body":"experience being in a not fully"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":512.0,"endTime":516.02,"body":"functional, seriously"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":512.0,"endTime":516.02,"body":"dysfunctional family, you know,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":516.08,"endTime":520.9,"body":"I know what it feel I know what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":516.08,"endTime":520.9,"body":"that feels like. I know what it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":520.9,"endTime":525.34,"body":"feels like to go to bed really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":520.9,"endTime":525.34,"body":"nervous not knowing what the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":525.34,"endTime":528.7,"body":"next day is going to bring, or"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":525.34,"endTime":528.7,"body":"walking on eggshells with the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":528.7,"endTime":533.02,"body":"people that you love the most,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":528.7,"endTime":533.02,"body":"and being terrified that you you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":533.02,"endTime":536.8,"body":"don't know how to have control"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":533.02,"endTime":536.8,"body":"in this situation or you or you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":536.8,"endTime":539.38,"body":"don't know how to move it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":536.8,"endTime":539.38,"body":"forward in a better way. I know"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":539.38,"endTime":542.58,"body":"what it's like to sweep my wants"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":539.38,"endTime":542.58,"body":"and needs under the rug and just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":542.58,"endTime":545.4,"body":"act like everything's okay,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":542.58,"endTime":545.4,"body":"because I just want today to be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":545.4,"endTime":548.22,"body":"better, right? I understand that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":545.4,"endTime":548.22,"body":"at a deep level. Who I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":548.22,"endTime":550.74,"body":"people, I mean, I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":548.22,"endTime":550.74,"body":"everybody kind of comes from,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":550.8,"endTime":555.72,"body":"you know, some dysfunction, even"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":550.8,"endTime":555.72,"body":"my kids. Yeah, it does. It"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":555.84,"endTime":559.5,"body":"weirdly helps me in my job."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":559.86,"endTime":565.28,"body":"Yeah, they"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":559.86,"endTime":565.28,"body":"say with ADHD too, that we can"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":565.28,"endTime":571.58,"body":"be more hypersensitive and in"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":565.28,"endTime":571.58,"body":"tune because of the struggles"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":571.58,"endTime":575.48,"body":"that we've experienced before."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":571.58,"endTime":575.48,"body":"And Dr Dodson talks about this"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":575.48,"endTime":580.48,"body":"with rejection, sensitive"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":575.48,"endTime":580.48,"body":"dysphoria, that if you have"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":580.48,"endTime":585.4,"body":"experienced shame, feelings of"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":580.48,"endTime":585.4,"body":"frustration, where you've been"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":585.82,"endTime":588.82,"body":"like actually rejected, or you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":585.82,"endTime":588.82,"body":"perceive yourself being"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":588.82,"endTime":594.94,"body":"rejected, then you end up"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":588.82,"endTime":594.94,"body":"intending to be more intuitive"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":594.94,"endTime":600.72,"body":"and aware of sensitivities. So,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":594.94,"endTime":600.72,"body":"yeah, a core. So what you're"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":600.72,"endTime":606.6,"body":"saying with experiencing that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":600.72,"endTime":606.6,"body":"trauma, with your your family,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":606.6,"endTime":609.36,"body":"and now being more aware and"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":606.6,"endTime":609.36,"body":"intuitive to other people's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":609.36,"endTime":609.9,"body":"needs?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":610.5,"endTime":614.58,"body":"Yeah, and so before I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":610.5,"endTime":614.58,"body":"had an inkling that I might, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":614.58,"endTime":619.44,"body":"might have ADHD, I did all I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":614.58,"endTime":619.44,"body":"always identified with anything"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":619.44,"endTime":622.16,"body":"that I saw about highly"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":619.44,"endTime":622.16,"body":"sensitive people, and I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":622.16,"endTime":625.04,"body":"for a lot of highly sensitive"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":622.16,"endTime":625.04,"body":"people, they feel like it's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":625.04,"endTime":629.48,"body":"their kryptonite, and I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":625.04,"endTime":629.48,"body":"that it's our kryptonite, to the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":629.48,"endTime":634.94,"body":"degree that we don't understand"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":629.48,"endTime":634.94,"body":"deeply, you know, like where we"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":634.94,"endTime":640.72,"body":"end and other people begin, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":634.94,"endTime":640.72,"body":"also like we're not if we're not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":640.72,"endTime":644.56,"body":"really clear about what's okay"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":640.72,"endTime":644.56,"body":"and what's not okay. So I tell"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":644.56,"endTime":650.38,"body":"this story where, like, I had a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":644.56,"endTime":650.38,"body":"neighbor, I could take anything"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":650.38,"endTime":653.26,"body":"personally. There was a time not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":650.38,"endTime":653.26,"body":"that long ago where I could"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":653.26,"endTime":656.68,"body":"take, I mean, it's, it's the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":653.26,"endTime":656.68,"body":"things I think about that I took"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":656.68,"endTime":661.02,"body":"personally at one time are wild."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":656.68,"endTime":661.02,"body":"I had a neighbor who we moved"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":661.02,"endTime":665.7,"body":"in. We had two tiny kids. It was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":661.02,"endTime":665.7,"body":"an older couple lived next door."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":665.7,"endTime":668.82,"body":"I mean, maybe early 60s, late"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":665.7,"endTime":668.82,"body":"50s. She would always talk,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":668.82,"endTime":671.94,"body":"talk, talk to us, and he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":668.82,"endTime":671.94,"body":"wouldn't speak. And I would come"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":671.94,"endTime":676.26,"body":"home and I would say, Eric, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":671.94,"endTime":676.26,"body":"don't think he likes us. And my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":676.26,"endTime":680.42,"body":"husband would be like, What are"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":676.26,"endTime":680.42,"body":"you talking about? And I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":680.42,"endTime":683.72,"body":"like, he didn't like us. He"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":680.42,"endTime":683.72,"body":"doesn't want to live next to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":683.72,"endTime":687.98,"body":"little kids. He's irritated that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":683.72,"endTime":687.98,"body":"we moved in. He wants his quiet"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":687.98,"endTime":692.72,"body":"yard back. The stories, the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":687.98,"endTime":692.72,"body":"stories that I couldn't have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":692.72,"endTime":699.2,"body":"been more wrong he had one day"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":692.72,"endTime":699.2,"body":"weeks into living there, he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":699.2,"endTime":705.82,"body":"mustered up a joke for me, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":699.2,"endTime":705.82,"body":"through a lot of strain, told a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":705.82,"endTime":712.24,"body":"joke, and I realized that he had"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":705.82,"endTime":712.24,"body":"a terminal, degenerative"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":712.24,"endTime":716.38,"body":"neurological disease, I had"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":712.24,"endTime":716.38,"body":"found a way to take personally."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":717.16,"endTime":720.48,"body":"Oh my gosh,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":717.16,"endTime":720.48,"body":"wow. So there was just like, so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":720.48,"endTime":724.44,"body":"much information you didn't know"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":720.48,"endTime":724.44,"body":"and you thought, because of your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":724.44,"endTime":727.02,"body":"intuition and your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":724.44,"endTime":727.02,"body":"sensitivities, that you were"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":727.02,"endTime":727.38,"body":"right."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":728.4,"endTime":730.56,"body":"So I find that a lot"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":728.4,"endTime":730.56,"body":"with people, I think that the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":730.56,"endTime":734.58,"body":"easiest things to miscommunicate"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":730.56,"endTime":734.58,"body":"about are non verbal"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":734.58,"endTime":739.08,"body":"communication. We are going to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":734.58,"endTime":739.08,"body":"fill in those blanks and intent."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":739.74,"endTime":745.58,"body":"And so I think that we can feel"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":739.74,"endTime":745.58,"body":"stress in other people, but we"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":745.58,"endTime":748.16,"body":"fill in the blanks with the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":745.58,"endTime":748.16,"body":"details of what that is. And"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":748.16,"endTime":751.52,"body":"that's a really dangerous things"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":748.16,"endTime":751.52,"body":"to do in close relationships."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":751.7,"endTime":755.3,"body":"And so I am constantly teaching"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":751.7,"endTime":755.3,"body":"people how to, how to check"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":755.3,"endTime":757.94,"body":"those things out, how to how to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":755.3,"endTime":757.94,"body":"paraphrase what you think that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":757.94,"endTime":761.2,"body":"you're hearing, so that you're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":757.94,"endTime":761.2,"body":"not having two totally different"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":761.2,"endTime":764.68,"body":"conversations at the same time"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":761.2,"endTime":764.68,"body":"and end up in an argument that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":764.68,"endTime":766.54,"body":"doesn't even need to be"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":766.78,"endTime":771.64,"body":"Yeah, the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":766.78,"endTime":771.64,"body":"stories that we create with ADHD"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":771.7,"endTime":780.9,"body":"get very blurred into the oh, we"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":771.7,"endTime":780.9,"body":"have strong intuition, And I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":780.9,"endTime":785.82,"body":"love that you share, that you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":780.9,"endTime":785.82,"body":"know we can feel other people's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":785.82,"endTime":790.26,"body":"stress, but we don't always know"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":785.82,"endTime":790.26,"body":"what they're thinking, and we"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":790.26,"endTime":794.82,"body":"have to fill in the blanks, and"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":790.26,"endTime":794.82,"body":"we have to understand the facts,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":794.82,"endTime":799.86,"body":"and unless we have all of the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":794.82,"endTime":799.86,"body":"information, how would You know?"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":800.64,"endTime":800.9,"body":"So"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":800.9,"endTime":804.26,"body":"my husband used to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":800.9,"endTime":804.26,"body":"come home frustrated, irritated,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":804.26,"endTime":807.02,"body":"stressed. He would slam a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":804.26,"endTime":807.02,"body":"cabinet. He would be stomping"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":807.02,"endTime":812.84,"body":"around, clearly mad, and I would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":807.02,"endTime":812.84,"body":"immediately think he's mad at"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":812.84,"endTime":813.26,"body":"me."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":813.32,"endTime":815.72,"body":"He's mad at"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":813.32,"endTime":815.72,"body":"me. I was the same"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":815.72,"endTime":819.26,"body":"way, yeah, instead of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":815.72,"endTime":819.26,"body":"assuming that, I realized one"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":819.26,"endTime":823.66,"body":"day. So I tell people that with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":819.26,"endTime":823.66,"body":"what I do all day every day, it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":823.66,"endTime":826.66,"body":"has nothing has made me more"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":823.66,"endTime":826.66,"body":"clear than my job, that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":826.72,"endTime":830.92,"body":"miscommunication is just too"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":826.72,"endTime":830.92,"body":"easy. So I assume Now, having"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":830.92,"endTime":833.38,"body":"done this for 18 years, sitting"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":830.92,"endTime":833.38,"body":"between couples all day, every"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":833.38,"endTime":836.5,"body":"day, now, I assume"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":833.38,"endTime":836.5,"body":"miscommunication always. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":836.5,"endTime":839.44,"body":"suspect something, and then I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":836.5,"endTime":839.44,"body":"check it out, I could be right,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":839.74,"endTime":842.76,"body":"but most of the time I'm wrong,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":839.74,"endTime":842.76,"body":"especially if I think it has to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":842.76,"endTime":846.84,"body":"do with me. And so I would look"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":842.76,"endTime":846.84,"body":"at him and say, Okay, are you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":846.84,"endTime":851.82,"body":"mad at me? And he would say, No,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":846.84,"endTime":851.82,"body":"which, you know, really sounded"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":851.82,"endTime":855.6,"body":"like he was mad at me. And so I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":851.82,"endTime":855.6,"body":"wouldn't believe the No, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":855.6,"endTime":858.12,"body":"then that might spiral into Yes,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":855.6,"endTime":858.12,"body":"you are. Why aren't you just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":858.12,"endTime":860.72,"body":"telling me? You know, in this"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":858.12,"endTime":860.72,"body":"back and forth that would get us"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":860.72,"endTime":864.08,"body":"nowhere. And one day, I looked"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":860.72,"endTime":864.08,"body":"at him and I said, are you mad"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":864.08,"endTime":868.52,"body":"at me? And he shortly said, No."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":864.08,"endTime":868.52,"body":"And I said, I hear you saying"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":868.52,"endTime":873.74,"body":"no, but it really sounds like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":868.52,"endTime":873.74,"body":"you're mad at me. Zero to 100"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":874.88,"endTime":878.66,"body":"free to put this all into a pie."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":874.88,"endTime":878.66,"body":"How much are you mad at me and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":878.66,"endTime":881.56,"body":"how much are you mad at"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":878.66,"endTime":881.56,"body":"something else? And he said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":881.62,"endTime":886.0,"body":"it's to you and 98 something"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":881.62,"endTime":886.0,"body":"else. But if you keep fucking"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":886.0,"endTime":888.34,"body":"asking me, those numbers are"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":886.0,"endTime":888.34,"body":"gonna flip"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":890.56,"endTime":892.6,"body":"me. It's not"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":890.56,"endTime":892.6,"body":"about you."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":892.66,"endTime":895.96,"body":"I said, Oh, okay, but"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":892.66,"endTime":895.96,"body":"then I could let it go, like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":896.02,"endTime":899.92,"body":"until I put things on scales. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":896.02,"endTime":899.92,"body":"couldn't believe somebody's."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":900.24,"endTime":904.08,"body":"Fine or No, I'm not mad. Like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":900.24,"endTime":904.08,"body":"on a scale of zero to 10, how"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":904.08,"endTime":910.2,"body":"fine Are you nine and a half?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":904.08,"endTime":910.2,"body":"Oh, okay. But for me, pretty"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":910.2,"endTime":915.12,"body":"bad, yeah. So for do you know?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":910.2,"endTime":915.12,"body":"Like, it's, yeah, there's so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":915.12,"endTime":918.84,"body":"much room for miscommunication"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":915.12,"endTime":918.84,"body":"and non verbals and and intent."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":918.84,"endTime":922.1,"body":"There was a study at UCLA done"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":918.84,"endTime":922.1,"body":"in the 70s is trying to tease"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":922.1,"endTime":924.68,"body":"out like, how much of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":922.1,"endTime":924.68,"body":"communication was non verbal,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":924.86,"endTime":928.76,"body":"how much of it is the words that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":924.86,"endTime":928.76,"body":"we say. So verbal communication."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":929.3,"endTime":932.96,"body":"And they found the numbers that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":929.3,"endTime":932.96,"body":"they came up with with, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":932.96,"endTime":937.64,"body":"know, no studies perfect. But"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":932.96,"endTime":937.64,"body":"was that 93% of communication is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":937.64,"endTime":942.52,"body":"non verbal, so it's not the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":937.64,"endTime":942.52,"body":"words that we say, 7% is the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":942.52,"endTime":944.32,"body":"words that we say. You"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":944.32,"endTime":945.82,"body":"know, I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":944.32,"endTime":945.82,"body":"always thought it was like 80%"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":946.24,"endTime":948.52,"body":"non verbal and then I was"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":946.24,"endTime":948.52,"body":"talking to Chris Voss on the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":948.52,"endTime":952.36,"body":"podcast several episodes ago,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":948.52,"endTime":952.36,"body":"and he was saying it was even"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":952.36,"endTime":956.62,"body":"less than that for non verbal"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":952.36,"endTime":956.62,"body":"communication. I don't know how"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":956.62,"endTime":961.32,"body":"scientific, right? I don't know"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":956.62,"endTime":961.32,"body":"how scientific it was. And he he"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":961.32,"endTime":964.44,"body":"disclaims that, but it's so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":961.32,"endTime":964.44,"body":"interesting. Yeah, I know a lot"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":964.44,"endTime":968.4,"body":"of communication is non verbal,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":964.44,"endTime":968.4,"body":"and I would love to go back to"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":968.4,"endTime":971.82,"body":"the point that you are making of"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":968.4,"endTime":971.82,"body":"the scale. I think that's a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":971.82,"endTime":975.84,"body":"great tool for people to use,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":971.82,"endTime":975.84,"body":"especially highly sensitive"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":975.84,"endTime":982.94,"body":"people like myself, yep, to use"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":975.84,"endTime":982.94,"body":"with their partners, to use with"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":982.94,"endTime":988.94,"body":"their friends, and not make it"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":982.94,"endTime":988.94,"body":"so much about them. Do you have"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":988.94,"endTime":994.1,"body":"any other like sentence starters"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":988.94,"endTime":994.1,"body":"that you would suggest to our"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":994.1,"endTime":997.64,"body":"listeners, to use with other"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":994.1,"endTime":997.64,"body":"people? Because with rejection"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":997.64,"endTime":1003.6,"body":"sensitivity, with highly"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":997.64,"endTime":1003.6,"body":"sensitive people, we pretty much"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1003.9,"endTime":1008.76,"body":"often think it's us and it's not"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1003.9,"endTime":1008.76,"body":"an ego thing. It's a real"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1008.88,"endTime":1013.74,"body":"rejection, like everyone hates"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1008.88,"endTime":1013.74,"body":"us type thing. So yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1013.74,"endTime":1019.5,"body":"I there's, there's a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1013.74,"endTime":1019.5,"body":"reason that there's pain scales"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1019.5,"endTime":1023.3,"body":"on the walls at the hospital."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1019.5,"endTime":1023.3,"body":"It's because feelings are"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1023.3,"endTime":1026.9,"body":"inherently really tough to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1023.3,"endTime":1026.9,"body":"communicate about. There's a lot"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1026.9,"endTime":1031.64,"body":"of room for miscommunication."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1026.9,"endTime":1031.64,"body":"And so I use scales here, there"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1031.64,"endTime":1033.92,"body":"and everywhere. I use them with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1031.64,"endTime":1033.92,"body":"my kids. I use them with my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1033.92,"endTime":1037.82,"body":"husband. The most benign example"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1033.92,"endTime":1037.82,"body":"I have is if, if I make a really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1037.88,"endTime":1040.78,"body":"and I think that people non"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1037.88,"endTime":1040.78,"body":"verbally speak very different"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1040.78,"endTime":1045.1,"body":"languages. So I'm very"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1040.78,"endTime":1045.1,"body":"expressive. Like, if you made me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1045.1,"endTime":1048.46,"body":"a dinner and I thought it was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1045.1,"endTime":1048.46,"body":"fantastic, I would be telling"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1048.46,"endTime":1052.18,"body":"you with my whole face, oh, my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1048.46,"endTime":1052.18,"body":"hands would be moving. I would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1052.18,"endTime":1055.06,"body":"be saying, Brooke, you you need"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1052.18,"endTime":1055.06,"body":"to make this on reap. You need"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1055.06,"endTime":1059.32,"body":"to get a food truck. You need to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1055.06,"endTime":1059.32,"body":"sell this like you wouldn't know"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1059.32,"endTime":1063.42,"body":"that I liked it. My husband, if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1059.32,"endTime":1063.42,"body":"I make a really good dinner, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1063.42,"endTime":1069.66,"body":"I say, are you like this dinner?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1063.42,"endTime":1069.66,"body":"He says it's good, high pitched,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1069.66,"endTime":1073.38,"body":"good for me would mean it's not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1069.66,"endTime":1073.38,"body":"that great. It's not that great,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1073.38,"endTime":1075.84,"body":"but I don't want to argue about"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1073.38,"endTime":1075.84,"body":"it, or I don't want to hurt your"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1075.84,"endTime":1078.12,"body":"feelings, so I'm going to say"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1075.84,"endTime":1078.12,"body":"it's good, but I don't really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1078.12,"endTime":1082.82,"body":"mean it. Now, instead of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1078.12,"endTime":1082.82,"body":"assuming that that's what his"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1082.82,"endTime":1086.6,"body":"high pitched good meant, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1082.82,"endTime":1086.6,"body":"started asking on a scale of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1086.6,"endTime":1091.82,"body":"zero to 10, how much do you like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1086.6,"endTime":1091.82,"body":"this meal? And he said, I kid"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1091.82,"endTime":1097.88,"body":"you not, 9.5 Wow. And I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1091.82,"endTime":1097.88,"body":"like, that's how you express 9.5"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1098.96,"endTime":1102.16,"body":"so oftentimes I'm looking at"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1098.96,"endTime":1102.16,"body":"people, and one speaks not non"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1102.16,"endTime":1104.5,"body":"verbally. They speak Japanese,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1102.16,"endTime":1104.5,"body":"and the other person might as"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1104.5,"endTime":1108.28,"body":"well be speaking Spanish. And I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1104.5,"endTime":1108.28,"body":"think that that's another sort"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1108.28,"endTime":1110.44,"body":"it's just, it's just like a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1108.28,"endTime":1110.44,"body":"constant source of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1110.44,"endTime":1112.48,"body":"miscommunication, right,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1112.48,"endTime":1114.52,"body":"right? I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1112.48,"endTime":1114.52,"body":"think of the movie line, do you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1114.58,"endTime":1118.0,"body":"understand words that are coming"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1114.58,"endTime":1118.0,"body":"in my mouth, right? But like,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1118.84,"endTime":1122.28,"body":"when I used to be a sixth grade"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1118.84,"endTime":1122.28,"body":"teacher, we talked about"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1122.28,"endTime":1126.36,"body":"communication, and it's not just"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1122.28,"endTime":1126.36,"body":"about talking or non verbal."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1126.36,"endTime":1130.32,"body":"It's about messages being"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1126.36,"endTime":1130.32,"body":"received from one person to the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1130.32,"endTime":1135.66,"body":"other in the way that it's meant"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1130.32,"endTime":1135.66,"body":"to be received, right? So"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1136.38,"endTime":1142.7,"body":"question for you, nuance here,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1136.38,"endTime":1142.7,"body":"the scale piece. How does that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1142.76,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"make you feel asking your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1142.76,"endTime":1146.6,"body":"partner on a scale from one to"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1152.48,"body":"10, how he feels in anger or in"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1146.6,"endTime":1152.48,"body":"how much he likes your food"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1152.48,"endTime":1155.9,"body":"like? Does that make you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1152.48,"endTime":1155.9,"body":"sensitive when you have to do"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1155.9,"endTime":1158.72,"body":"those types of things? Does it"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1155.9,"endTime":1158.72,"body":"feel like a lot of work, or does"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1158.72,"endTime":1161.68,"body":"it have a positive result on the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1158.72,"endTime":1161.68,"body":"as the outcome."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1162.16,"endTime":1165.7,"body":"I think when we're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1162.16,"endTime":1165.7,"body":"clear, I can't if there are no"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1165.7,"endTime":1168.82,"body":"blanks to fill in, I'm not going"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1165.7,"endTime":1168.82,"body":"to fill them in with the worst,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1169.36,"endTime":1171.76,"body":"which I feel like our brains"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1169.36,"endTime":1171.76,"body":"have a tendency to do. Our"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1171.76,"endTime":1174.34,"body":"brains are wired for survival,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1171.76,"endTime":1174.34,"body":"so we're going to fill in those"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1174.34,"endTime":1178.66,"body":"blanks with the worst. Now, if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1174.34,"endTime":1178.66,"body":"it is a two out of 10, I would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1178.66,"endTime":1182.4,"body":"rather know and be clear and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1178.66,"endTime":1182.4,"body":"have a conversation about what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1182.4,"endTime":1184.62,"body":"to do about it. So there have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1182.4,"endTime":1184.62,"body":"been times where, you know, I've"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1184.62,"endTime":1188.1,"body":"been talking to my husband about"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1184.62,"endTime":1188.1,"body":"something, and I have it has"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1188.1,"endTime":1192.6,"body":"felt like he's not fully on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1188.1,"endTime":1192.6,"body":"board or fully in agreement, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1192.6,"endTime":1195.84,"body":"because he's not really saying"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1192.6,"endTime":1195.84,"body":"much, but I'll say, okay, like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1195.9,"endTime":1199.68,"body":"00, to 100 How much are you on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1195.9,"endTime":1199.68,"body":"board with this? And he'll say,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1199.68,"endTime":1205.58,"body":"I. Oh no. Like, 95 and I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1199.68,"endTime":1205.58,"body":"Okay, so what's you're not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1205.58,"endTime":1208.76,"body":"talking a lot. So what does that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1205.58,"endTime":1208.76,"body":"mean? He's like, it means I'm so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1208.76,"endTime":1214.28,"body":"on board. I don't have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1208.76,"endTime":1214.28,"body":"words to say. I'm like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1214.34,"endTime":1218.3,"body":"okay. So where that might have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1214.34,"endTime":1218.3,"body":"been, like, you're not really on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1218.3,"endTime":1221.26,"body":"board. Like, I can tell you're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1218.3,"endTime":1221.26,"body":"not on board. Like, yes, I am on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1221.26,"endTime":1221.68,"body":"board. What"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1221.68,"endTime":1224.44,"body":"are you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1221.68,"endTime":1224.44,"body":"talking about? Like, and then"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1224.44,"endTime":1229.78,"body":"his 2% madness of you gets to"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1224.44,"endTime":1229.78,"body":"it, like, 20% 200% right?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1229.78,"endTime":1234.1,"body":"Yeah, yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1229.78,"endTime":1234.1,"body":"scales. Scales help me a lot"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1234.1,"endTime":1238.24,"body":"with and, and, you know, I can"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1234.1,"endTime":1238.24,"body":"in session, I will, you know,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1238.24,"endTime":1241.98,"body":"sitting with two people there,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1238.24,"endTime":1241.98,"body":"somebody will say something, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1241.98,"endTime":1244.44,"body":"I can tell maybe the other"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1241.98,"endTime":1244.44,"body":"person, like, just doesn't fully"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1244.44,"endTime":1248.94,"body":"believe it, because they say it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1244.44,"endTime":1248.94,"body":"kind of flat, but also, like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1249.0,"endTime":1254.58,"body":"that's just kind of how how they"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1249.0,"endTime":1254.58,"body":"communicate. And I'm like, scale"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1254.58,"endTime":1258.24,"body":"is zero to 100, and they'll go"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1254.58,"endTime":1258.24,"body":"98 and the other person is,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1258.24,"endTime":1263.84,"body":"like, had no idea. So, yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1258.24,"endTime":1263.84,"body":"think scales in terms of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1263.84,"endTime":1267.44,"body":"communication, especially if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1263.84,"endTime":1267.44,"body":"you're sensitive, can help you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1267.44,"endTime":1270.86,"body":"get to the bottom of, really,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1267.44,"endTime":1270.86,"body":"what is going on in somebody"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1270.86,"endTime":1273.62,"body":"else's head, so you're not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1270.86,"endTime":1273.62,"body":"filling in the blanks with the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1273.62,"endTime":1274.22,"body":"worst."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1274.94,"endTime":1278.54,"body":"I love that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1274.94,"endTime":1278.54,"body":"scale from one to 100 do you use"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1278.54,"endTime":1280.48,"body":"the feeling wheel as well?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1281.56,"endTime":1284.74,"body":"You know, I don't,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1281.56,"endTime":1284.74,"body":"I'm familiar with the feeling"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1284.74,"endTime":1289.78,"body":"wheel. I don't know why I don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1284.74,"endTime":1289.78,"body":"use it. I must have other things"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1289.78,"endTime":1291.28,"body":"that I'm using. You"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1291.28,"endTime":1293.26,"body":"must have"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1291.28,"endTime":1293.26,"body":"other tools in your toolbox."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1293.74,"endTime":1295.06,"body":"Yeah, yeah. There's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1295.06,"endTime":1297.76,"body":"no it's not"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1295.06,"endTime":1297.76,"body":"good or bad or right or wrong,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1297.82,"endTime":1300.76,"body":"right? You're just not, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1297.82,"endTime":1300.76,"body":"yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1300.76,"endTime":1302.88,"body":"wonder why. I don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1300.76,"endTime":1302.88,"body":"have to think about that. I have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1302.88,"endTime":1303.66,"body":"no idea."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1303.78,"endTime":1306.18,"body":"Yeah, I was"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1303.78,"endTime":1306.18,"body":"using the feeling wheel today"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1306.18,"endTime":1310.68,"body":"because one of my clients in"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1306.18,"endTime":1310.68,"body":"group was mentioning that he had"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1310.74,"endTime":1315.42,"body":"done this whole chakra"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1310.74,"endTime":1315.42,"body":"assessment of himself, and then"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1315.48,"endTime":1321.5,"body":"put his strengths of his chakra"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1315.48,"endTime":1321.5,"body":"to describe words of who he was."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1321.8,"endTime":1329.78,"body":"And I said, you know, words make"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1321.8,"endTime":1329.78,"body":"things so much better. For us,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1329.78,"endTime":1333.56,"body":"highly sensitive people, right?"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1329.78,"endTime":1333.56,"body":"Like to put a label onto how"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1333.56,"endTime":1338.3,"body":"we're feeling helps so much. And"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1333.56,"endTime":1338.3,"body":"then I went into the feeling"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1338.3,"endTime":1341.62,"body":"wheel like easily someone could"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1338.3,"endTime":1341.62,"body":"say they're mad, they're angry,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1341.62,"endTime":1344.44,"body":"they're sad, but then if you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1341.62,"endTime":1344.44,"body":"take the feeling wheel and go to"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1344.44,"endTime":1347.68,"body":"the outer edges, you can define"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1344.44,"endTime":1347.68,"body":"a little bit more of what you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1347.68,"endTime":1349.3,"body":"are. So I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1349.3,"endTime":1353.74,"body":"think one thing that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1349.3,"endTime":1353.74,"body":"I'm sort of strangely good at"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1353.98,"endTime":1359.44,"body":"is, and this is something that,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1353.98,"endTime":1359.44,"body":"even if you don't nail it, it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1359.44,"endTime":1363.48,"body":"still works well, but when you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1359.44,"endTime":1363.48,"body":"can really paraphrase what you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1363.48,"endTime":1367.26,"body":"think somebody is saying and how"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1363.48,"endTime":1367.26,"body":"that might make them feel, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1367.26,"endTime":1372.24,"body":"know they're either gonna go"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1367.26,"endTime":1372.24,"body":"yes, you know they might get"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1372.24,"endTime":1375.72,"body":"teary and go yes, and then, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1372.24,"endTime":1375.72,"body":"know, you've nailed it great."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1375.72,"endTime":1378.06,"body":"But I don't want people to be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1375.72,"endTime":1378.06,"body":"stressed out when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1378.06,"endTime":1381.2,"body":"paraphrasing and these active"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1378.06,"endTime":1381.2,"body":"listening skills, because even"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1381.2,"endTime":1385.94,"body":"if you whiff on that paraphrase,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1381.2,"endTime":1385.94,"body":"it still forces the other person"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1386.06,"endTime":1390.56,"body":"to be more clear. No, I'm not. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1386.06,"endTime":1390.56,"body":"wouldn't say I'm resentful, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1390.56,"endTime":1393.98,"body":"know, I would say I'm whatever"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1390.56,"endTime":1393.98,"body":"feeling, the whatever it is. So"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1393.98,"endTime":1396.68,"body":"I, you know, I think in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1393.98,"endTime":1396.68,"body":"substitution of the feeling"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1396.68,"endTime":1400.48,"body":"wheel, I'm probably dragging"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1396.68,"endTime":1400.48,"body":"people to their feelings, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1400.48,"endTime":1404.74,"body":"know, with paraphrases"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1400.48,"endTime":1404.74,"body":"constantly. But I've, I've been"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1404.8,"endTime":1408.64,"body":"told that I'm I really had to be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1404.8,"endTime":1408.64,"body":"convinced of the power of the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1408.64,"endTime":1410.86,"body":"paraphrase. When I was in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1408.64,"endTime":1410.86,"body":"graduate school, I really didn't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1410.86,"endTime":1413.62,"body":"believe it. And paraphrasing,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1410.86,"endTime":1413.62,"body":"praise, paraphrasing is just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1414.16,"endTime":1417.7,"body":"really great active listening."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1414.16,"endTime":1417.7,"body":"If you crave to feel deeply seen"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1417.76,"endTime":1421.62,"body":"and heard and understood, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1417.76,"endTime":1421.62,"body":"encourage you to learn how to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1421.62,"endTime":1426.18,"body":"say get maybe get it tattooed on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1421.62,"endTime":1426.18,"body":"your hand. Hang on. Tell me what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1426.18,"endTime":1430.8,"body":"you heard me say. Because even"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1426.18,"endTime":1430.8,"body":"if your partner is not a great"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1430.8,"endTime":1435.12,"body":"listener, like they're just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1430.8,"endTime":1435.12,"body":"hearing, they're not actively"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1435.12,"endTime":1438.6,"body":"listening, you're if you're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1435.12,"endTime":1438.6,"body":"still getting what you need, if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1438.6,"endTime":1441.08,"body":"you can drag them into that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1438.6,"endTime":1441.08,"body":"paraphrase, like, hang on, tell"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1441.08,"endTime":1443.3,"body":"me what you heard me say. Funny"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1443.3,"endTime":1445.76,"body":"story for"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1443.3,"endTime":1445.76,"body":"you. My husband used to do that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1445.76,"endTime":1449.54,"body":"to me. When we first met, he"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1445.76,"endTime":1449.54,"body":"would paraphrase what I was"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1449.54,"endTime":1454.34,"body":"saying, and I got so annoyed."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1449.54,"endTime":1454.34,"body":"I'm like, will you stop"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1454.52,"endTime":1463.96,"body":"parroting me? Like, yes, I said"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1454.52,"endTime":1463.96,"body":"that. And so I think intent"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1464.26,"endTime":1468.1,"body":"knowing someone's a dad is"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1464.26,"endTime":1468.1,"body":"really important, and there's a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1468.1,"endTime":1473.2,"body":"small group of people where that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1468.1,"endTime":1473.2,"body":"paraphrasing doesn't work, at"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1473.2,"endTime":1474.4,"body":"least in the beginning."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1474.4,"endTime":1476.8,"body":"Well, there's also"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1474.4,"endTime":1476.8,"body":"skill to paraphrasing in a way"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1476.8,"endTime":1479.5,"body":"that doesn't sound like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1476.8,"endTime":1479.5,"body":"parroting, and that was my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1479.5,"endTime":1482.88,"body":"biggest fear when I was learning"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1479.5,"endTime":1482.88,"body":"how to paraphrase, I was like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1483.18,"endTime":1485.64,"body":"This feels so in graduate"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1483.18,"endTime":1485.64,"body":"school, if you're going to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1485.64,"endTime":1488.7,"body":"school to be a therapist, there"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1485.64,"endTime":1488.7,"body":"is a point in your training"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1489.06,"endTime":1495.42,"body":"where you are doing therapy with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1489.06,"endTime":1495.42,"body":"someone like maybe somebody"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1495.42,"endTime":1498.12,"body":"that's first year in the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1495.42,"endTime":1498.12,"body":"program, and this is all being"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1498.12,"endTime":1502.88,"body":"videotaped or watched through"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1498.12,"endTime":1502.88,"body":"two way. And then every second"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1502.94,"endTime":1507.02,"body":"of that video is being"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1502.94,"endTime":1507.02,"body":"scrutinized by by a supervisor."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1507.38,"endTime":1510.74,"body":"And I had this tendency in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1507.38,"endTime":1510.74,"body":"sessions to really keep it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1510.74,"endTime":1513.38,"body":"surface level, like, like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1510.74,"endTime":1513.38,"body":"somebody would start going down"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1513.38,"endTime":1515.9,"body":"into their feelings, and this is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1513.38,"endTime":1515.9,"body":"how we're trained to do"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1515.9,"endTime":1519.14,"body":"conversation out in the world,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1515.9,"endTime":1519.14,"body":"and then you bring it back up,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1519.62,"endTime":1520.1,"body":"like"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1520.1,"endTime":1522.58,"body":"everything"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1520.1,"endTime":1522.58,"body":"started. I started,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1523.66,"endTime":1526.12,"body":"and she looked at me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1523.66,"endTime":1526.12,"body":"and said, in the next session"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1526.12,"endTime":1528.46,"body":"with this client, the only thing"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1526.12,"endTime":1528.46,"body":"you can do for the whole hour is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1528.46,"endTime":1534.4,"body":"paraphrase. And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1528.46,"endTime":1534.4,"body":"Excuse me, she's like, that is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1534.4,"endTime":1537.58,"body":"the only thing you can do with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1534.4,"endTime":1537.58,"body":"her. You have to paraphrase for"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1537.58,"endTime":1541.62,"body":"the whole hour. I thought I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1537.58,"endTime":1541.62,"body":"going to sound like a parrot. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1541.62,"endTime":1544.26,"body":"mean, I was sweating just her"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1541.62,"endTime":1544.26,"body":"saying that. I thought it was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1544.26,"endTime":1546.72,"body":"going to be awful. I thought it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1544.26,"endTime":1546.72,"body":"was going to be terrible. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1546.72,"endTime":1548.76,"body":"thought it was going to be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1546.72,"endTime":1548.76,"body":"awkward. I thought she was going"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1548.76,"endTime":1551.4,"body":"to she already kind of hated my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1548.76,"endTime":1551.4,"body":"guts a little bit, I felt like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1551.4,"endTime":1555.24,"body":"and I didn't know why. And so I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1551.4,"endTime":1555.24,"body":"go into this session with this"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1555.24,"endTime":1558.66,"body":"first year student who's older"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1555.24,"endTime":1558.66,"body":"than me, who, like, clearly does"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1558.66,"endTime":1565.76,"body":"not want to be there, and by the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1558.66,"endTime":1565.76,"body":"end of it, she was sobbing. She"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1565.76,"endTime":1570.32,"body":"was sobbing and saying that she"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1565.76,"endTime":1570.32,"body":"felt so safe with me, and that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1570.32,"endTime":1572.78,"body":"she'd had a wallet for me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1570.32,"endTime":1572.78,"body":"because I reminded her of the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1572.78,"endTime":1576.92,"body":"girls that bullied her in high"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1572.78,"endTime":1576.92,"body":"school. And I was like, What in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1576.92,"endTime":1582.22,"body":"the hell just happened here? So"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1576.92,"endTime":1582.22,"body":"the power of the So, it does"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1582.22,"endTime":1587.14,"body":"take some you don't want to say"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1582.22,"endTime":1587.14,"body":"exactly back to the person what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1587.14,"endTime":1591.04,"body":"you heard them say, if you can"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1587.14,"endTime":1591.04,"body":"add on, like a feeling that you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1591.04,"endTime":1593.86,"body":"might feel, if you can do it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1591.04,"endTime":1593.86,"body":"with a question mark and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1593.86,"endTime":1597.46,"body":"curiosity at the end, like, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1593.86,"endTime":1597.46,"body":"know, like, Oh, your son has"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1597.52,"endTime":1603.06,"body":"asthma, and you had to go to the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1597.52,"endTime":1603.06,"body":"ER, God, that sounds, that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1603.06,"endTime":1608.4,"body":"sounds like traumatizing. That"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1603.06,"endTime":1608.4,"body":"sounds horrifying, you know,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1608.4,"endTime":1610.74,"body":"because people will want to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1608.4,"endTime":1610.74,"body":"report on the surface like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1610.74,"endTime":1612.9,"body":"yeah, you know, my son has"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1610.74,"endTime":1612.9,"body":"asthma, and I had to go to the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1612.9,"endTime":1616.62,"body":"ER. And it's like, hang on, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1612.9,"endTime":1616.62,"body":"had to go to the ER. That"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1616.62,"endTime":1619.08,"body":"sounds, you know, I can't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1616.62,"endTime":1619.08,"body":"remember. I usually think of a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1619.08,"endTime":1621.14,"body":"better word than what I'm"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1619.08,"endTime":1621.14,"body":"thinking of. But even if you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1621.14,"endTime":1623.18,"body":"don't think of the right one,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1621.14,"endTime":1623.18,"body":"they're going to go, well, it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1623.18,"endTime":1626.06,"body":"wasn't really traumatizing."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1623.18,"endTime":1626.06,"body":"We've done this a lot and, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1626.06,"endTime":1628.16,"body":"know, but you know, I know what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1626.06,"endTime":1628.16,"body":"to look for to, you know, if I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1628.16,"endTime":1632.3,"body":"should be scared or not, but,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1628.16,"endTime":1632.3,"body":"you know, it forces people to be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1632.78,"endTime":1636.62,"body":"more clear. But yeah, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1632.78,"endTime":1636.62,"body":"there is, there is something."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1636.68,"endTime":1637.94,"body":"And yes,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1637.94,"endTime":1642.94,"body":"and it, and"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1637.94,"endTime":1642.94,"body":"it shows the person empathy. My"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1642.94,"endTime":1647.86,"body":"mind went off to an example, and"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1642.94,"endTime":1647.86,"body":"I think the listeners might find"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1647.86,"endTime":1650.98,"body":"this interesting, and you might"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1647.86,"endTime":1650.98,"body":"find this interesting. I was"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1650.98,"endTime":1656.92,"body":"talking to a coach, and this"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1650.98,"endTime":1656.92,"body":"coach had been in the military,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1657.34,"endTime":1661.2,"body":"so and it's a she. I had told"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1657.34,"endTime":1661.2,"body":"her something about my"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1661.2,"endTime":1667.08,"body":"childhood. Oh, I went all the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1661.2,"endTime":1667.08,"body":"way to where she lives, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1667.08,"endTime":1670.74,"body":"not going to mention the city,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1667.08,"endTime":1670.74,"body":"but all the way where she lived."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1670.74,"endTime":1674.4,"body":"I went for a swim meet when I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1670.74,"endTime":1674.4,"body":"was 10. I qualified. It was one"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1674.4,"endTime":1679.26,"body":"race, and I disqualified because"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1674.4,"endTime":1679.26,"body":"and my parents all went up"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1679.26,"endTime":1683.42,"body":"there. Took eight hours to drive"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1679.26,"endTime":1683.42,"body":"up there because I left too"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1683.42,"endTime":1688.52,"body":"early from the swim block. So"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1683.42,"endTime":1688.52,"body":"where you dive? Right, it's 10."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1688.76,"endTime":1693.14,"body":"My dad had a fit with the the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1688.76,"endTime":1693.14,"body":"rough, or whatever you call it,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1693.14,"endTime":1696.08,"body":"the rough. I forget what you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1693.14,"endTime":1696.08,"body":"call it at that point. Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1696.08,"endTime":1698.66,"body":"the guy with the whistle, the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1696.08,"endTime":1698.66,"body":"guy with the whistle, he's like,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1698.66,"endTime":1701.68,"body":"just let her swim like she"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1698.66,"endTime":1701.68,"body":"doesn't have to, you know, it"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1701.74,"endTime":1704.08,"body":"doesn't have to count, but just"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1701.74,"endTime":1704.08,"body":"let her swim. We came all the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1704.08,"endTime":1707.5,"body":"way up here. They would not let"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1704.08,"endTime":1707.5,"body":"it. So I tell this story, right?"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1707.5,"endTime":1711.16,"body":"See your face. I tell this story"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1707.5,"endTime":1711.16,"body":"to her, and she goes. So what's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1711.16,"endTime":1712.18,"body":"the lesson learned?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1713.56,"endTime":1718.36,"body":"It's like, ew, uh"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1713.56,"endTime":1718.36,"body":"huh. Ouch, ouch,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1720.76,"endTime":1725.4,"body":"right? So,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1720.76,"endTime":1725.4,"body":"like I feel with the parroting"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1725.46,"endTime":1729.3,"body":"situation, you start with the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1725.46,"endTime":1729.3,"body":"empathy there, or you start with"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1729.3,"endTime":1733.44,"body":"empathy in another sense before"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1729.3,"endTime":1733.44,"body":"you go into a coaching mode,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1733.44,"endTime":1737.88,"body":"right? Or into therapy mode, or"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1733.44,"endTime":1737.88,"body":"any mode, right? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1737.88,"endTime":1741.26,"body":"So I have this. I did"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1737.88,"endTime":1741.26,"body":"not make this up. I call it the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1741.26,"endTime":1744.5,"body":"five P's. You want to postpone"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1741.26,"endTime":1744.5,"body":"persuasion until you can"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1744.5,"endTime":1748.4,"body":"paraphrase your partner's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1744.5,"endTime":1748.4,"body":"perspective to their liking. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1748.4,"endTime":1754.52,"body":"I love that. So until people"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1748.4,"endTime":1754.52,"body":"feel understood, they often"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1754.58,"endTime":1758.18,"body":"don't want to shift. So I give"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1754.58,"endTime":1758.18,"body":"the example, like, if I have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1758.18,"endTime":1761.5,"body":"cancer and I go to the doctor, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1758.18,"endTime":1761.5,"body":"don't know I have cancer. I just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1761.5,"endTime":1764.38,"body":"know I'm not feeling great. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1761.5,"endTime":1764.38,"body":"stick out my tongue. She"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1764.38,"endTime":1769.66,"body":"depresses it and goes, I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1764.38,"endTime":1769.66,"body":"you have cancer. I haven't told"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1769.66,"endTime":1773.8,"body":"you how I felt. I haven't told"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1769.66,"endTime":1773.8,"body":"you what's going on. I don't I'm"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1773.8,"endTime":1778.12,"body":"like, I don't believe this woman"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1773.8,"endTime":1778.12,"body":"I'm getting out of here. But if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1778.12,"endTime":1781.62,"body":"somebody sits and talks with me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1778.12,"endTime":1781.62,"body":"for 15 minutes and understands"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1781.62,"endTime":1784.2,"body":"that I've been having stomach"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1781.62,"endTime":1784.2,"body":"pain and I'm having difficulty"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1784.2,"endTime":1788.4,"body":"swallowing and and how I've been"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1784.2,"endTime":1788.4,"body":"losing sleep and how it's felt"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1788.4,"endTime":1791.4,"body":"like my life is being stolen."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1788.4,"endTime":1791.4,"body":"And then says, you know, I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1791.4,"endTime":1798.54,"body":"we should run some tests. Now"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1791.4,"endTime":1798.54,"body":"I'm probably gonna be more like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1799.14,"endTime":1803.36,"body":"to do. What she wants me to do,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1799.14,"endTime":1803.36,"body":"but yeah, so we have to postpone"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1803.36,"endTime":1806.42,"body":"persuasion until we can"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1803.36,"endTime":1806.42,"body":"paraphrase people's perspective"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1806.42,"endTime":1808.34,"body":"to their liking, and"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1810.14,"endTime":1811.64,"body":"it is the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":1810.14,"endTime":1811.64,"body":"five keys."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1811.88,"endTime":1814.4,"body":"And so, like a lot of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1811.88,"endTime":1814.4,"body":"times with couples, you know,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1814.4,"endTime":1817.76,"body":"they just kind of jump to that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1814.4,"endTime":1817.76,"body":"persuading part of the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1817.76,"endTime":1822.16,"body":"conversation. And they might be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1817.76,"endTime":1822.16,"body":"on the same page, but it will"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1822.16,"endTime":1824.92,"body":"really sound like they're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1822.16,"endTime":1824.92,"body":"arguing, because nobody's taking"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1824.92,"endTime":1828.52,"body":"the time to hear and understand"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1824.92,"endTime":1828.52,"body":"each other. And if I can just,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1828.52,"endTime":1831.22,"body":"like, back it up and be like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1828.52,"endTime":1831.22,"body":"hang on, what did you hear her"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1831.22,"endTime":1835.36,"body":"say? And inevitably, people look"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1831.22,"endTime":1835.36,"body":"at me like, What? Like, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1835.36,"endTime":1837.46,"body":"supposed to repeat what she"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1835.36,"endTime":1837.46,"body":"said. I'm like, well, in your"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1837.46,"endTime":1840.42,"body":"own words, like, what did you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1837.46,"endTime":1840.42,"body":"hear her say? And then I'll go"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1840.42,"endTime":1843.78,"body":"and then how do you think that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1840.42,"endTime":1843.78,"body":"makes her feel? Take, just take"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1843.78,"endTime":1848.52,"body":"a guess. Wild stab doesn't even"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1843.78,"endTime":1848.52,"body":"have to be right. Then people"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1848.52,"endTime":1853.2,"body":"can, once they feel heard, shift"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1848.52,"endTime":1853.2,"body":"and change. I tell this story in"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1853.2,"endTime":1855.78,"body":"a I have a free training for"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1853.2,"endTime":1855.78,"body":"couples called How to not get"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1855.78,"endTime":1860.04,"body":"stuck in communication. And I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1855.78,"endTime":1860.04,"body":"tell a story when we had little"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1860.04,"endTime":1862.7,"body":"kids, our first two are 21"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1860.04,"endTime":1862.7,"body":"months apart, and we were trying"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1862.7,"endTime":1865.52,"body":"to do date night on a regular"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1862.7,"endTime":1865.52,"body":"basis. But all we were talking"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1865.52,"endTime":1868.22,"body":"about on these date nights was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1865.52,"endTime":1868.22,"body":"how much the baby slept, how"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1868.22,"endTime":1870.98,"body":"much the baby pooped, if the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1868.22,"endTime":1870.98,"body":"baby slept, if the baby pooped,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1871.28,"endTime":1874.7,"body":"and they didn't feel meaningful"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1871.28,"endTime":1874.7,"body":"or worth paying the babysitter"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1874.7,"endTime":1880.34,"body":"at all. And so I was like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1874.7,"endTime":1880.34,"body":"gonna like, you know, Cosmo quiz"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1880.34,"endTime":1883.42,"body":"this. And I looked at him just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1880.34,"endTime":1883.42,"body":"trying to talk about anything"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1883.42,"endTime":1886.78,"body":"except our children, and I said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1883.42,"endTime":1886.78,"body":"bucket list of places. Where do"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1886.78,"endTime":1893.68,"body":"you want to go before you die?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1886.78,"endTime":1893.68,"body":"He said, I don't know. Little"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1893.68,"endTime":1896.68,"body":"huffy. I perceived it was a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1893.68,"endTime":1896.68,"body":"little huffy, but at that point,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1896.68,"endTime":1899.02,"body":"I was really trying to not to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1896.68,"endTime":1899.02,"body":"take a whole lot personally. And"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1899.02,"endTime":1901.86,"body":"I thought, okay, maybe he's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1899.02,"endTime":1901.86,"body":"stressed about his day. Maybe,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1902.04,"endTime":1904.92,"body":"you know, I don't know, maybe he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1902.04,"endTime":1904.92,"body":"doesn't want to talk. But I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1904.92,"endTime":1908.34,"body":"didn't take it personally, and I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1904.92,"endTime":1908.34,"body":"said, Okay, well, and I thought"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1908.34,"endTime":1911.16,"body":"maybe he just needs a reminder"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1908.34,"endTime":1911.16,"body":"of cool places in the world. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1911.16,"endTime":1914.52,"body":"was like, Well, I want to go to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1911.16,"endTime":1914.52,"body":"Hawaii and Italy and Spain and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1914.52,"endTime":1918.72,"body":"Greece. So where do you want to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1914.52,"endTime":1918.72,"body":"go? And he boomed back at me, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1918.78,"endTime":1923.78,"body":"don't know. Inevitably, when I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1918.78,"endTime":1923.78,"body":"tell this story to couples that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1923.78,"endTime":1927.44,"body":"are heterosexual, the woman is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1923.78,"endTime":1927.44,"body":"like, question marks on her"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1927.44,"endTime":1930.38,"body":"face. She's like, I have no idea"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1927.44,"endTime":1930.38,"body":"what's happening right now. And"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1930.38,"endTime":1935.72,"body":"the man is looking like me so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1930.38,"endTime":1935.72,"body":"many questions really at me"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1935.72,"endTime":1939.86,"body":"like, I know what you're saying,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1935.72,"endTime":1939.86,"body":"yes. So take me away. There's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1939.86,"endTime":1943.66,"body":"two ingredients that have"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1939.86,"endTime":1943.66,"body":"conversations getting stuck,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1943.66,"endTime":1946.24,"body":"getting stuck in conflict, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1943.66,"endTime":1946.24,"body":"those are perceived criticism"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1946.24,"endTime":1950.26,"body":"and defensiveness. So I knew"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1946.24,"endTime":1950.26,"body":"that at that time, and I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1950.26,"endTime":1954.1,"body":"thought, how on earth could he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1950.26,"endTime":1954.1,"body":"be hearing this as criticism?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1954.46,"endTime":1957.28,"body":"And I decided to try to I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1954.46,"endTime":1957.28,"body":"thought this was a stab in the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1957.28,"endTime":1960.78,"body":"dark paraphrase. I thought it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1957.28,"endTime":1960.78,"body":"was going to be so off. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1960.78,"endTime":1964.74,"body":"thought it was crazy. I looked"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1960.78,"endTime":1964.74,"body":"at him, and I said, Do you think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1964.74,"endTime":1968.7,"body":"I'm saying that it's your job to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1964.74,"endTime":1968.7,"body":"get me to these places, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1968.7,"endTime":1973.02,"body":"because you haven't, you are"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1968.7,"endTime":1973.02,"body":"somehow failing? And he said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1973.5,"endTime":1982.1,"body":"Yes, that's exactly what you're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1973.5,"endTime":1982.1,"body":"saying. What? And I said, Eric,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1982.16,"endTime":1986.6,"body":"I work. I'm like, it is my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1982.16,"endTime":1986.6,"body":"happiness. Is my job. If I want"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1986.6,"endTime":1990.26,"body":"to get me to these places that's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1986.6,"endTime":1990.26,"body":"on me. I do not put that on you."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1990.26,"endTime":1993.32,"body":"There is no part of me that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1990.26,"endTime":1993.32,"body":"feels that way. But because I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1993.32,"endTime":1998.0,"body":"paraphrased his perspective"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1993.32,"endTime":1998.0,"body":"before postponing, I kid you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1998.0,"endTime":2000.78,"body":"not, without skipping a beat the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":1998.0,"endTime":2000.78,"body":"next it was like, I got a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2000.78,"endTime":2004.86,"body":"different version of him. He was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2000.78,"endTime":2004.86,"body":"no longer defensive. He said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2005.34,"endTime":2007.98,"body":"Well, you know, I think, I think"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2005.34,"endTime":2007.98,"body":"I'd want to go to Spain and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2007.98,"endTime":2011.7,"body":"Hawaii. I was like, I don't even"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2007.98,"endTime":2011.7,"body":"know what's happening. This"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2011.7,"endTime":2017.04,"body":"communication stuff is so wild."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2011.7,"endTime":2017.04,"body":"This is, this is nutty, yes,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2017.04,"endTime":2019.92,"body":"yes, yeah, that's what I find."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2017.04,"endTime":2019.92,"body":"It's like so many people are"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2019.92,"endTime":2022.76,"body":"getting in arguments about and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2019.92,"endTime":2022.76,"body":"they'll come they say it all the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2022.76,"endTime":2026.6,"body":"time. We're fighting about"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2022.76,"endTime":2026.6,"body":"stupid stuff, and the stuff that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2026.6,"endTime":2028.52,"body":"they're fighting about isn't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2026.6,"endTime":2028.52,"body":"really what they're fighting"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2028.52,"endTime":2031.04,"body":"about, and it's getting under"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2028.52,"endTime":2031.04,"body":"the surface of that. And just"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2031.04,"endTime":2034.1,"body":"knowing some you know"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2031.04,"endTime":2034.1,"body":"communication techniques to get"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2034.1,"endTime":2039.74,"body":"through that can just be create."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2034.1,"endTime":2039.74,"body":"I don't these skills. There's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2039.74,"endTime":2044.62,"body":"nothing that I'm more grateful,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2039.74,"endTime":2044.62,"body":"and I could cry. There's nothing"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2044.62,"endTime":2046.96,"body":"I'm more great. There's nothing"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2044.62,"endTime":2046.96,"body":"that makes me feel more free"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2047.56,"endTime":2051.22,"body":"than having these skills. As a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2047.56,"endTime":2051.22,"body":"kid, I thought that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2051.22,"endTime":2056.86,"body":"relationships were confusing and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2051.22,"endTime":2056.86,"body":"there's no guarantee, and that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2056.86,"endTime":2058.9,"body":"was all horrifying to me. I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2056.86,"endTime":2058.9,"body":"didn't think I'd ever get"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2058.9,"endTime":2065.4,"body":"married. So, yeah, this is it's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2058.9,"endTime":2065.4,"body":"like, I can't I just, I don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2065.4,"endTime":2068.1,"body":"know, I don't know why we're not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2065.4,"endTime":2068.1,"body":"taught this stuff. And so that's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2068.1,"endTime":2071.16,"body":"why I'm kind of like screaming"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2068.1,"endTime":2071.16,"body":"it from the Internets all day,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2071.16,"endTime":2071.7,"body":"every day."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2072.36,"endTime":2075.48,"body":"Yeah, I can"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2072.36,"endTime":2075.48,"body":"see how passionate you are about"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2075.48,"endTime":2081.38,"body":"this topic, and how emotional"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2075.48,"endTime":2081.38,"body":"like, to the core, you resonate"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2081.5,"endTime":2083.78,"body":"with what you're saying. It's so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2081.5,"endTime":2083.78,"body":"authentic."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2083.96,"endTime":2086.18,"body":"I appreciate that."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2087.56,"endTime":2093.74,"body":"So Micah, I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2087.56,"endTime":2093.74,"body":"wanted to just quickly wrap up"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2093.74,"endTime":2096.74,"body":"here. Of course, I had so many"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2093.74,"endTime":2096.74,"body":"other questions, but like that,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2096.74,"endTime":2107.38,"body":"it was a game stopper for me."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2096.74,"endTime":2107.38,"body":"Um. On what do you say? And"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2107.38,"endTime":2111.1,"body":"maybe it's the five P's, because"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2107.38,"endTime":2111.1,"body":"that was so powerful. What's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2111.1,"endTime":2118.72,"body":"your number one success tip for"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2111.1,"endTime":2118.72,"body":"couples and families to get on"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2118.72,"endTime":2119.74,"body":"the same page?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2120.04,"endTime":2123.66,"body":"Oh, my gosh, oh, to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2120.04,"endTime":2123.66,"body":"get on the same page or"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2123.66,"endTime":2127.02,"body":"communicate"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2123.66,"endTime":2127.02,"body":"on the same level, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2127.02,"endTime":2130.8,"body":"I really, I, you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2127.02,"endTime":2130.8,"body":"know, as a lot of people's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2130.8,"endTime":2134.46,"body":"definition of compromise, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2130.8,"endTime":2134.46,"body":"don't love I think my definition"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2134.46,"endTime":2137.1,"body":"of it might be a little the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2134.46,"endTime":2137.1,"body":"intent behind it is a little bit"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2137.1,"endTime":2139.14,"body":"different. I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2137.1,"endTime":2139.14,"body":"people think about, well,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2139.2,"endTime":2141.08,"body":"when you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2139.2,"endTime":2141.08,"body":"compromise, everyone loses,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2141.08,"endTime":2142.94,"body":"right? Well, when you compromise"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2142.94,"endTime":2144.98,"body":"in this way, when"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2142.94,"endTime":2144.98,"body":"it's like, well, I'll do"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2144.98,"endTime":2147.5,"body":"something dreadful this time and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2144.98,"endTime":2147.5,"body":"you'll do something"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2147.8,"endTime":2150.62,"body":"dreadful the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2147.8,"endTime":2150.62,"body":"next time. Yeah, no, right? I'm"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2150.62,"endTime":2153.2,"body":"like, Oh, I don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2150.62,"endTime":2153.2,"body":"love that, because the degree of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2153.2,"endTime":2156.08,"body":"dreadfulness of one person doing"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2153.2,"endTime":2156.08,"body":"one thing and another person"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2156.08,"endTime":2159.38,"body":"doing that's just immeasurable."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2156.08,"endTime":2159.38,"body":"And it becomes a tip for tad"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2159.38,"endTime":2161.92,"body":"and, you know, and we're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2159.38,"endTime":2161.92,"body":"inevitably just like,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2161.92,"endTime":2164.92,"body":"disappointed that the other"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2161.92,"endTime":2164.92,"body":"person you know isn't putting"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2164.92,"endTime":2169.36,"body":"our needs above their own, like"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2164.92,"endTime":2169.36,"body":"we have. So I tell people, I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2169.36,"endTime":2173.56,"body":"want them reaching for Win, win"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2169.36,"endTime":2173.56,"body":"solutions, solutions that feel"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2173.56,"endTime":2177.34,"body":"good to both people proactively."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2173.56,"endTime":2177.34,"body":"Like, don't go, oh yeah, I'll go"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2177.34,"endTime":2180.66,"body":"to your your families on the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2177.34,"endTime":2180.66,"body":"Fourth of July if you really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2180.66,"endTime":2186.72,"body":"don't want to, it might be"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2180.66,"endTime":2186.72,"body":"figuring out, like, okay, so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2186.72,"endTime":2189.12,"body":"there was, the example that I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2186.72,"endTime":2189.12,"body":"have is there was a time when I"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2189.12,"endTime":2192.12,"body":"was teaching graduate school and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2189.12,"endTime":2192.12,"body":"we had three small people, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2192.18,"endTime":2196.44,"body":"so evenings were just a lot of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2192.18,"endTime":2196.44,"body":"work. It's Bed, Bath, dinner,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2196.44,"endTime":2198.9,"body":"and it was all in my husband two"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2196.44,"endTime":2198.9,"body":"nights a week when I was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2198.9,"endTime":2201.5,"body":"teaching graduate school. And so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2198.9,"endTime":2201.5,"body":"I would get home and he would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2201.74,"endTime":2203.54,"body":"look like he'd been through war,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2205.16,"endTime":2208.34,"body":"as most of us"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2205.16,"endTime":2208.34,"body":"parents do at the end of the"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2208.34,"endTime":2209.18,"body":"day, right?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2209.18,"endTime":2213.68,"body":"So so I had a friend"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2209.18,"endTime":2213.68,"body":"who was moving to Nashville, and"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2213.68,"endTime":2216.74,"body":"I was like, Amanda wants me to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2213.68,"endTime":2216.74,"body":"go out to dinner with her in the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2216.74,"endTime":2220.3,"body":"next couple weeks, but that's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2216.74,"endTime":2220.3,"body":"gonna mean another night where"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2220.3,"endTime":2227.68,"body":"you're alone. And he said, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2220.3,"endTime":2227.68,"body":"that's fine. I said, I hear you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2227.68,"endTime":2230.8,"body":"saying that's fine, but your"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2227.68,"endTime":2230.8,"body":"whole body is saying that's not"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2230.8,"endTime":2236.56,"body":"fine. So what would make it"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2230.8,"endTime":2236.56,"body":"better? And he said, I don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2236.56,"endTime":2239.26,"body":"know. Just go. She's your best"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2236.56,"endTime":2239.26,"body":"friend. Of course, you have to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2239.26,"endTime":2242.22,"body":"go to dinner with her. Like all"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2239.26,"endTime":2242.22,"body":"the right words, like all the"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2242.22,"endTime":2245.1,"body":"right words were coming out of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2242.22,"endTime":2245.1,"body":"his mouth. Actions are not same"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2245.1,"endTime":2247.92,"body":"as it but I say, like, the most"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2245.1,"endTime":2247.92,"body":"dangerous thing a woman can say"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2247.92,"endTime":2253.74,"body":"in a relationship is, never mind"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2247.92,"endTime":2253.74,"body":"like her, it's fine. And that's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2253.74,"endTime":2256.92,"body":"what he was doing. And I said,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2253.74,"endTime":2256.92,"body":"But what would make it better?"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2256.92,"endTime":2259.56,"body":"And I kept at it and kept at it,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2256.92,"endTime":2259.56,"body":"and he got irritated. He was"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2259.56,"endTime":2262.04,"body":"like, I don't know, just go to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2259.56,"endTime":2262.04,"body":"dinner with her. She's your best"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2262.04,"endTime":2267.02,"body":"friend. Just go. And I said, if"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2262.04,"endTime":2267.02,"body":"you knew you had a happy hour on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2267.02,"endTime":2271.1,"body":"Friday with Matt and Neil, would"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2267.02,"endTime":2271.1,"body":"that make it better? And he"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2271.1,"endTime":2274.94,"body":"literally leaned on the counter"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2271.1,"endTime":2274.94,"body":"and said, Oh, my God, that does"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2274.94,"endTime":2279.68,"body":"make it better. I said, Good,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2274.94,"endTime":2279.68,"body":"okay, so I want people reaching"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2279.68,"endTime":2282.28,"body":"for I think you have to know"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2279.68,"endTime":2282.28,"body":"that they're always out there."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2282.28,"endTime":2285.88,"body":"In every circumstance, the Win"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2282.28,"endTime":2285.88,"body":"Win is there, and sometimes it's"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2285.88,"endTime":2288.34,"body":"just collecting information so"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2285.88,"endTime":2288.34,"body":"that your perspective can"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2288.34,"endTime":2291.46,"body":"change, and maybe a whole lot of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2288.34,"endTime":2291.46,"body":"behavior doesn't change, but"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2291.52,"endTime":2294.64,"body":"that's the win win. So the Win"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2291.52,"endTime":2294.64,"body":"Win is always there, and don't"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2294.64,"endTime":2300.3,"body":"ever be doing anything that"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2294.64,"endTime":2300.3,"body":"feels dreadful like that's what"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2300.3,"endTime":2301.68,"body":"I would say. I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2301.68,"endTime":2304.74,"body":"love that so"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2301.68,"endTime":2304.74,"body":"much. And just to put the ADHD"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2304.74,"endTime":2308.22,"body":"lens on, we feel sometimes that"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2304.74,"endTime":2308.22,"body":"we have to do these things"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2308.22,"endTime":2311.64,"body":"because of the people pleasing"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2308.22,"endTime":2311.64,"body":"the RSD. But the reality is,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2311.64,"endTime":2315.0,"body":"like the other person, your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2311.64,"endTime":2315.0,"body":"partner, probably would feel"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2315.0,"endTime":2322.22,"body":"better in most times if you feel"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2315.0,"endTime":2322.22,"body":"better, right? Not that you just"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2322.22,"endTime":2326.6,"body":"do the thing because their"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2322.22,"endTime":2326.6,"body":"family wants you to do it, or,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2327.08,"endTime":2329.18,"body":"you know, society tells you you"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2327.08,"endTime":2329.18,"body":"should do that."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2329.78,"endTime":2331.58,"body":"Yeah, when you're"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2329.78,"endTime":2331.58,"body":"doing what works for you,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2331.64,"endTime":2334.1,"body":"everybody wins when you're when"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2331.64,"endTime":2334.1,"body":"you're doing things that you"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2334.1,"endTime":2336.62,"body":"really don't want to be doing."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2334.1,"endTime":2336.62,"body":"With a side dish of resentment."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2336.68,"endTime":2341.92,"body":"Everybody's losing Mic drop."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2336.68,"endTime":2341.92,"body":"Resentment is a slow growing"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2341.92,"endTime":2349.36,"body":"relationship. Cancer, yes, yes,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2341.92,"endTime":2349.36,"body":"oh, that's good. I'm full of"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2349.36,"endTime":2349.9,"body":"them. Brooke,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2351.16,"endTime":2353.26,"body":"yeah, I'm"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2351.16,"endTime":2353.26,"body":"writing these down. Writing"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2353.26,"endTime":2357.64,"body":"these down, all right, my guys,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2353.26,"endTime":2357.64,"body":"so where is the best place for"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2357.64,"endTime":2362.4,"body":"people to reach out, get your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2357.64,"endTime":2362.4,"body":"course, find you if they want"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2362.4,"endTime":2366.54,"body":"some relatable therapy"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2362.4,"endTime":2366.54,"body":"relationship, scratch your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2366.54,"endTime":2371.58,"body":"eyeball, silly laughing stuff."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2371.82,"endTime":2374.7,"body":"So the easiest place"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2371.82,"endTime":2374.7,"body":"to and the most fun place to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2374.7,"endTime":2377.94,"body":"consume my content is on"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2374.7,"endTime":2377.94,"body":"Instagram, at Micah Ross dot"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2377.94,"endTime":2383.12,"body":"therapist, M, i, k, a, my"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2377.94,"endTime":2383.12,"body":"website's Micah ross.com you'll"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2383.12,"endTime":2386.18,"body":"find lots of there's two free"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2383.12,"endTime":2386.18,"body":"trainings there. Free training"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2386.18,"endTime":2390.68,"body":"for busy couples, how to not get"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2386.18,"endTime":2390.68,"body":"stuck. Workshop. So if you feel"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2390.68,"endTime":2393.26,"body":"like you're getting in stupid"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2390.68,"endTime":2393.26,"body":"fights, like resentment is"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2393.26,"endTime":2396.86,"body":"growing, like you don't feel as"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2393.26,"endTime":2396.86,"body":"connected as you used to be, but"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2396.86,"endTime":2399.92,"body":"you can't figure out what to do"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2396.86,"endTime":2399.92,"body":"to get back there, then those."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2400.0,"endTime":2401.44,"body":"Are the places to start"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2402.82,"endTime":2405.22,"body":"Awesome."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2402.82,"endTime":2405.22,"body":"Well, always a great"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2405.22,"endTime":2409.66,"body":"conversation. And as I"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2405.22,"endTime":2409.66,"body":"mentioned, if you didn't see my"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2409.66,"endTime":2412.54,"body":"episode on Micah's podcast, go"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2409.66,"endTime":2412.54,"body":"check it out,"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2412.6,"endTime":2415.36,"body":"which is my most"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2412.6,"endTime":2415.36,"body":"popular episode, by the way,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2417.34,"endTime":2419.62,"body":"can you? Can"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2417.34,"endTime":2419.62,"body":"you drop your podcast name? Here"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2419.68,"endTime":2421.86,"body":"it is, called How to"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2419.68,"endTime":2421.86,"body":"talk about it. We've covered a"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2421.86,"endTime":2424.32,"body":"few topics, and there's more"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2421.86,"endTime":2424.32,"body":"coming. Our next episode is with"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2424.32,"endTime":2428.7,"body":"a motherhood sociologist, which"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2424.32,"endTime":2428.7,"body":"is really, it's was really"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2428.7,"endTime":2431.76,"body":"fascinating to talk to her. So"},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2428.7,"endTime":2431.76,"body":"I'm loving it. So excited."},{"speaker":"Mika Ross","startTime":2431.88,"endTime":2432.54,"body":"Wonderful."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2433.26,"endTime":2435.0,"body":"All right."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2433.26,"endTime":2435.0,"body":"Micah, well, thank you for being"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2435.0,"endTime":2439.08,"body":"a guest on successful with ADHD."},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2435.0,"endTime":2439.08,"body":"Thanks for listening to this"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2439.08,"endTime":2442.94,"body":"episode of successful with ADHD,"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2439.08,"endTime":2442.94,"body":"I hope it helps you on your"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2442.94,"endTime":2447.14,"body":"journey, and if you need any"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2442.94,"endTime":2447.14,"body":"additional support for you or a"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2447.14,"endTime":2451.16,"body":"loved one with ADHD, feel free"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2447.14,"endTime":2451.16,"body":"to reach out to us at coaching"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2451.16,"endTime":2455.78,"body":"with brooke.com, and all social"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2451.16,"endTime":2455.78,"body":"media platforms at coaching with"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2455.78,"endTime":2459.92,"body":"Brooke, and remember, it's"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2455.78,"endTime":2459.92,"body":"Brooke with an E. Thanks again"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2459.92,"endTime":2462.16,"body":"for listening, see you next time"},{"speaker":"Brooke Schnittman","startTime":2459.92,"endTime":2462.16,"body":"you."}]}