Overcoming the Noise: Composer Christopher French on ADHD, Addiction, and Life Hacks

In this episode, I chat with Christopher French, an accomplished composer, musician, and fellow ADHD warrior. Christopher opens up about his journey from a rebellious high school dropout to finding solace and purpose through music. He shares his personal experiences with ADHD, addiction, and recovery, and how these challenges have shaped his creative path.

Throughout our conversation, Christopher shares how he's managed to develop a variety of life hacks and strategies to maintain balance, especially as a husband and father. From meditation to blue-tinted sunglasses, he reveals some unique methods he's embraced to regulate his sensory experiences and stay grounded. Join us as we unpack the highs and lows of living with ADHD, the power of self-awareness, and what it takes to thrive as a neurodivergent creative.

Christopher French is a multi-talented composer, artist, and 1:1 creative wellness coach based in Los Angeles. With a rich background in alternative rock and an impressive range of scoring credits, Christopher has worked on projects for HBO, Amazon Prime, and feature films. He lives with his wife, actress and singer Ashley Tisdale, and their two children, and continues to create from his private HD recording studio, Dreamhaus.

Episode Highlights:
[00:32] - Introduction to Christopher French, his artistic journey, and living with ADHD.
[1:41] - Christopher shares his early experiences with ADHD diagnosis and medication in the '90s.
[7:28] - Discussing the link between ADHD, substance abuse, and the pursuit of dopamine.
[13:36] - How major life changes, like marriage and parenthood, re-trigger ADHD symptoms.
[21:15] - The challenges of executive dysfunction and strategies for managing chaotic situations.
[26:26] - Embracing dual diagnoses in recovery programs for ADHD and substance abuse.
[30:51] - Using sensory strategies like blue-tinted sunglasses and white noise to ease sensory overload.
[35:50] - The power of self-compassion and accepting ADHD as a part of oneself.
[43:28] - Christopher describes his hyper-focus and how he leverages it in high-pressure situations.
[47:30] - Closing thoughts on the lifelong journey of understanding and managing ADHD.

Connect with Christopher French:

• Connect with Christopher French: cmfrench.com
• Follow Christopher on Instagram: @cmfrench
• Book mentioned: Blue Mind by Wallace J. Nichols

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Transcript

Christopher French: 0:00

Yeah, I got really deep into drugs and alcohol, and you know, my life sort of veered off track for a number of years, like through the rest of my teenage years, and I dropped out of high school. Friends are like, Why do you wake up so early, man? Like, you really need to meditate that much. I'm like, dude, yes, because if I don't do that before I interact with anyone, most likely I will ruin someone's day, and that will probably be mine, unfortunately.

Brooke Schnittman: 0:32

Welcome to successful with ADHD. I'm Brooke schmidtman. Let's get started. Hello and welcome back to another episode of successful with ADHD today. I have Christopher French here, and he is a composer, and he's a lot more, but in true ADHD fashion, I wasn't given a bio ahead of time, so he's gonna have to do himself justice. Christopher, who are you?

Christopher French: 0:59

Good morning, everyone. I am Christopher French. I am a composer and an artist. I'm also a dad, now of one and and about to be of two, a husband and a major scatterbrain, I guess.

Brooke Schnittman: 1:19

Okay, there you go. There you go. So Christopher is one of us. He is an ADHD. Year I, from the outside looking in, would consider him success full F, U, L, L, but I'll have him share his story with all of you. Christopher, when did you learn you had ADHD.

Christopher French: 1:42

Actually, it's funny because I really only started remembering some of this stuff recently, and especially with following you on Instagram and a couple of others, there's a lot of awesome content right now about ADHD that's kind of surfacing more in our society. But when I was a kid, I was a 90s kid. I was, yeah, I was, I was born in 1982 so around middle school, like seventh, eighth grade, I was, I had been struggling for some time in school and with friends and at home, and was just kind of like starting to get, I sort of picture it like starting to get more and more sort of loose and tangled, kind of just in general, my in my life, it was weird. It was like the seams were sort of loosening, and my parents were like, wait, wait, what's going on? But let's, keep it together here. And we went to a therapist. Oh, no, actually, I was in a class. I remember my teacher. I think it had to have been seventh or eighth grade, because this one teacher, he kept me after school, and my mom walks in, and I was like, oh, what's going on here? And this is like, you know, a good little while after I was starting to get, like, disciplinary action in class and stuff and a lot of like, Oh, he is doing okay, but he talks way too much in class. I'm always having to separate him from his friends. He never turns in his homework. Like, what's going on here? We sat down and he told my mom, I think he has ADD, because I'm a 90s kid, and add is the diagnosis, which, for me, made a lot more sense anyway, because I'm not at all a hyperactive person. I'm like, you know, oh, I look at that flower, and then I like, wander off for a while, and it's just not at all the same kind of physical hyperactivity that I was and still, until recently, was under the impression that ADHD would be classified with, but so that was what he had told us. And he was like, look, it's not a big deal, and it's a sort of a new thing that a lot of doctors are looking at, but I think that you could benefit from talking to a doctor about it and potentially seeking some solutions in that context or whatever. We went to see a doctor, we never really got that much information about it. We were just kind of given this label and some Ritalin. And we were like, Okay, let's, you know, let's try this. And so for a little while, I was doing Ritalin. And then after a while, that stopped working, because, as you know, as characteristic as it gets, I would forget to take my Ritalin, or I'd misplace it, and then it's gone. And I'm like, wait, or I would forget if I had taken it. And so instead of doubling up a dose, it's like, I don't know if I've taken it, I'm just, you know. So we switched to dexedrine, dexedrine, or whatever, which is a longer acting one. I. Which sort of worked for a while, but it just made me feel weird. I just remember being like, This doesn't feel right, like I don't know something's not working here, and nobody would like really listen or pay attention to my parents. Didn't really know what anything about it, or what to do or or anything. And so it just kind of slipped away, like the diagnosis sort of slipped away, the the medication slipped away, and especially I kind of really slipped away, and I started getting more and more into self medicating with drugs. And I don't know if I was, you know, self medicating ADHD, I wouldn't necessarily go as far as to specifically say that I was probably self medicating a lot of different things that I was going through at the time. But yeah, I got really deep into drugs and alcohol, and, you know, my life sort of veered off track for a number of years, like, through the rest of my teenage years, and I dropped out of high school. My mom tried to homeschool me for a while, like, please. Like, let's just try to figure this out. Let's figure out a way to and I was just like,

Brooke Schnittman: 6:04

thinking that was the answer, yeah or something. She

Christopher French: 6:07

was just like, trying to keep because I kept getting arrested for truancy because I was just like, I was a gutter punk kid. I'm from Santa Cruz area, and cops would pick us up and we'd get another truancy ticket, and my parents would have to pay another fine, and so they were, my mom was like, Okay, you're doing homeschool. If someone asks, you're in homeschool, so, you know, whatever.

Brooke Schnittman: 6:32

So question for you, and I definitely want to hear more about this, and I appreciate the lack of understanding of ADHD that existed when you and I were born. I was born in 84 you were born in 82 and the change in names, and also the kind of the slipping away of your medication that you mentioned and everything slipping away, the statistics of ADHD and drug abuse and alcoholism are so high for many reasons, yes, but when you're taking the ADHD medication that can help with the RE uptake of dopamine and norepinephrine, and when you're not taking the medication, not like it's an all or nothing type of thing, But we have a harder time with that, and it could lead to that type of behavior, because you're not getting that constant drift.

Christopher French: 7:29

Yeah. I mean, I was like, chasing the high of, you know, graffiti and, like, criminal activity and running around with friends doing crazy stuff because it was thrilling and whatever. So I'll bet there was probably some, you know, kind of comp, like dopamine compensation, even in

Brooke Schnittman: 7:48

that right, when you were under stimulated, when you when your dopamine baseline was low, you were seeking that high, like you mentioned, whether it be the truancy, the graffitiing, the drugs, the alcohol and other things that you might have not mentioned. Yeah,

Christopher French: 8:09

exactly, yeah. I mean, that's, that's the crazy thing is, and none, you know, my folks didn't really know anything about this. They were just trying to not, you know, lose their kid to the streets. Basically, I was like, you know, I was like, a full on 90s gutter punk kid at the time, and they were just like, trying to figure out what to do about it. And flash forward, you know, I got into music really young, and so I've been playing music almost all my life, and kind of started leaving home and doing different things in bands and stuff and in my early 20s. This is like Flash way forward. So, you know, I'd kind of really totally slipped away. I mean, when I say slipped away, like I didn't really even remember, like I said earlier, this whole diagnosis and everything, until really recently, like within the last two years, maybe so up until my

Brooke Schnittman: 9:15

42 so you're talking 42 now, 20 years later. Yeah,

Christopher French: 9:19

20 years later, and a lot of that is largely because of misinformation and misunderstanding, because I you know, at some point the diagnosis label changed. Diagnostic label change too, so it's just ADHD. And all you ever hear about ADHD, especially when we were kids, is like, oh, that annoying, hyperactive kid that won't stop talking, or, you know, my drummer best friends, who just couldn't stop tapping on everything around them, like, you know, that was the thing. And I'm the opposite. I'm like, a dreamer kid who's like, maybe spaced out and,

Brooke Schnittman: 9:56

yeah, visions and yeah, you know, is in another. Reality sometimes,

Christopher French: 10:01

yeah, and so I just kind of, I don't know about, blocked it out, but just definitely lost track of that having anything to do with my life. But it got harder and harder to manage, and especially with the drugs and alcohol, like it was just totally unmanageable, and I ended up, fortunately, at least, getting sober in my early, mid, mid 20s, I've been sober ever since, but getting sober was one of the first steps for me in like, Okay, I need to figure something out here. I need to find some way of getting it together. And what's crazy is a lot of recovery programs. Have you know, they've been around for like, almost 100 years now. But even even these kinds of old programs and systems are sort of built for people like me or like us, in many ways, where they're like, you can't figure out what to do. You cannot figure out how to manage your life. Here's a structure, like, extremely simple, like, as stupidly simple as we can possibly make this for ourselves to, like, at least clean up the mess and start to find a way to like, reintegrate into society, and perhaps become like a functioning member of human civilization. So for me, that was huge, and that was helpful. And for almost 18 years now, 17 and a half years now, that was like, that's been what has enabled me to do anything that I've done in my life. I mean, in in music and being in different bands and stuff is already so crazy and chaotic and confusing and whatever, to be able to make it through that start to build some like, real functional relationships leading to even getting married, you know, like, start to build an actual career. I've been working as a composer for like, a little bit over 10 years now, specifically as a composer for film and TV stuff, and building that kind of a career that has any kind of like sustainability and predictability has I've needed all the support that I can get for that. But even with any of the growth that I've made and introspection and internal work that I've done, I still, even as of the last few years, especially with having kids. And one of the things that you had said at one point that I that really was one of the first things that stuck out to me and someone else. I read it somewhere else as well, that for a lot of people with ADHD and people on the spectrum the like process or or act of having kids or getting married, like big life changes like that, where it takes a lot of your effort and bandwidth, and whatever can be, what like triggers, or in my case, I think really re triggers, a lot of the ADHD issues that I've been sort of trying to, like manually hold together over time, to just fall apart, because I'm like, I have no energy or space in my brain at the end of the day to, like, figure out what I'm going to do tomorrow. Like, it's just everything. Over the

Brooke Schnittman: 13:36

last few years, not structured anymore, yeah, over the last few years,

Christopher French: 13:39

I've been really like, what am I doing? And then, as I've been seeing some of this stuff, like, oh my god, almost every one of the challenges that I face on a regular basis are specifically described as very clear ADHD characteristics. And I'm just like, oh my god, man, I've been living with this thing. I've been like, kind of living with this, like, trailing behind me, kind of like on a little rope, or I've been like, carrying it like a like a suitcase. And have recently been like, Okay, let me just, let me just open this suitcase up and look at it. And I have not gotten to the point even yet of Honestly, even really having time to and getting back to a doctor to, like, get any kind of re diagnosis. At this point, it seems so obvious to me, especially with my early diagnosis as a kid, that I don't even feel really the need to have well,

Brooke Schnittman: 14:47

why do you feel that you would need a re diagnosis? If you're diagnosed with ADHD, you're diagnosed with ADHD, right,

Christopher French: 14:53

right? Only because, you know, I wonder. You know. For me, medication is a little tricky, just as a drug addict like it can be a little bit tricky. But I have a lot of friends that use ADHD medication and seem to really benefit from it. And so I wonder, like, Man, I got a second kid on the way. I'm, like, trying to hold my career together right now, with all the crazy stuff going on in the film industry, and it's been like a struggle in and of itself. And I'm like, you know, maybe having some kind of, you know, medical support for at least one of these really kind of confusing challenges might help. And I feel like I would probably need to see a doctor for that too. But yes, that's where I'm at. Now. That's basically my whole story. I mean, the way that it was before the cycle of ADHD, Yep, yeah. Like you, you said the way, like, the way that it was for me before being diagnosed as a kid. Yeah. Is actually weirdly similar to the way it has been feeling recently, where it's just like, I don't I don't know what's wrong with me. There were a couple times in the last couple of years, like we right after we had a baby, my my wife and I were going to go on a trip, like our first trip, solo, to relax and baby be baby free for a few days. And we're like, oh, getting so ready for this trip. She's like, you know, she seems to be pretty neurotypical to me, so she doesn't really, like think about some of this stuff. She had figured she knew where her passport was. I think you know where I'm what I'm getting to I start packing the day before, because that's me, that's my that's my flow. Do you need the urgency? Yeah, it's like, I and I, and there's like, a sense of pride, weirdly, that I've built over time, yeah, where I'm like, Oh, I don't need to pack more than an hour before we leave, because I can do that or something, as if that's something to be proud of, you know? So I'm packing the morning of or the night before we're leaving, and I realized I don't know where my passport is, and I'm searching the house straight through the night. I literally didn't sleep because I searched every inch of our house and never found my still have never found we've moved since then, and even the moving process, I never found my passport. I had no idea.

Brooke Schnittman: 17:23

So needless to say, You didn't go on the trip. We did

Christopher French: 17:25

not go on the trip. It was like, the most brutal. And she was like, this was a big deal this trip. And to her, it was like, I just didn't care, and I just didn't really recognize how important it was to her. It wasn't as failed, yeah, to me,

Brooke Schnittman: 17:42

however, I want to challenge you for a second, because if people listening are probably more like you than her, and there's so much to uncover with what you said, but in this specific situation, it wasn't because you didn't care.

Christopher French: 17:59

Exactly No, of course not, but that was the thing the next day I had I, like, dropped into this 1011, year old Chris narrative that was so loud I it's like, was shocking to me how real and precise it was. There was like, What is wrong with you? Like, seriously, how could you possibly not know where you're you're a grown adult with a child you don't know where your passport is. Like, what if this was? You just fill in the rest of the narrative, you know? I mean, it's like, so almost cliche, how kind of ubiquitous it probably is for folks like us and for me, it was just like, I mean, I've played that narrative so many different times with different words. It doesn't even like have any meaning to me anymore. And it was similar when I when I got sober, I walked into a place that, you know, a recovery place, and I still didn't know what was going on, really. I was like, I feel like there's something wrong with me, but I met a bunch of people who were just like me and had the same it was like word for word, same problems that I had. I realized that with drug addiction and alcoholism, like there's actually nothing wrong with me as a drug addict and alcoholic, like I am functioning with complete normalcy. Actually, that's the weirdest thing is that it's actually like totally on par with my coding to be doing what I'm doing, living the way that I'm living, and it was the most profound sense of relief and I could, like, take a breath, I could exhale and be like, you know, there isn't anything wrong with me, and I can get help, just like these people did. And, you know, find ways to compensate for the. Aspects of me that maybe aren't so easy to live with or conducive to the kind of society we've built, but I'm going to be okay, you know, and I don't have to. I don't have to beat myself up for or feel like, condemned, yeah, you know. And it was the same thing, like I started to realize with ADHD, like there's, there's nothing wrong with me. A friend who recently was was being diagnosed, and had, you know, finally kind of confronted his own issues. Who had never been diagnosed before, didn't know anything about it, was talking to me about this stuff, and I was like, Man, this is exactly what I struggle with. And there, in a way, there isn't anything wrong with me. Like, to lose my passport is pretty much like one of the, one of the easiest to deal with, and silly, like, you know, characteristic things of someone with with a, what is it you with an executive functioning dysfunction or whatever? Yeah,

Brooke Schnittman: 21:16

and next executive dysfunction syndrome, essentially, yeah,

Christopher French: 21:21

I mean, we've worked that stuff out. My wife is basically the passport holder now,

Brooke Schnittman: 21:29

hey, listen, neurotypical or not, we all have different roles in a relationship. And if you're okay with that, and it works for both of you, that's wonderful, right? Well, because that's

Christopher French: 21:40

one of those things where I was like, Okay, well, there's something wrong with something wrong with it, and maybe it would just be easier for me not to have to, like, I don't really want to have to, like, know where my passport is. Who cares? Because that's how I feel. Like, I don't get any, it doesn't matter to you. It doesn't matter to me. I don't get any, you know, dopamine satisfaction from knowing where my password it's like, it's, who cares? You know, I would one of the things that's really easy and great for me is like, when everything's up in the air, we've got a kid screaming in the middle at night, and my wife is like, desperate to sleep, and I'm like, I'm up and I can deal with stuff. Or when things are in disarray, I'm like, I got in my because, yeah, it's like, it's like, I have that kind of punk rock, like, type of dysregulation, I guess where, and I've also in the in those 20 years, especially in the, you know, 17 years, 15, maybe after a couple first years of getting sober like had to build a lot of like, unique little structures into my life, systems into my life, that enable me To, you know, work with whatever challenges I bring to situations and that are already challenging. You know, like I these days for the last like five years or so, like I have a or maybe eight years or so, I have a really consistent meditation practice. I've been kind of, like, accumulating lots of little tricks and hacks, and you have your guardrails, yeah, tips on ways to, like, kind of deal with life on life's terms, so I can show up and, like, be at whatever my full capacity is for that day. These days I wake up early, like, because I need time alone to, like, set my brain in a in a way, in the morning, so that I am not, like, overstimulated all day long. So yep, I'll wake up before the baby even wakes up early in the morning. Now and I used to be like, Night Owl guy. I'd be in the studio working till two three in the morning, and then sleep till 10am but now I'm like, up at 530 every day to meditate and drink my coffee with the sunrise and read a little bit, and then, bam, everybody, the chaos shows up. And I'm like, ready to go. You're

Brooke Schnittman: 24:19

ready for it. You know, it's so funny, because I interviewed Dr Bruce, who's the sleep doctor, and, you know, there's the night owl, there's the dolphin, there's all these things, but he said that you can change over time, right? And clearly, you've done that, and I love that you've made it work with your wife, and you made it work for yourself, because you're regulating your system and you're not waking up to chaos. You've come back to something that works for you to get you regulated, open up your executive functions, maximize them, and. And be ready to take on the world, because if you woke up in chaos, then your executive functions are not going to work properly. Already is chaos. It's already over. Yeah,

Christopher French: 25:11

before it started? Yeah, for sure. And you know, it's what's crazy is that, you know, I've gotten to a place over time where I'm so grateful for the challenges that I've been through since I was that kid, because it's shown me, it's proven to me through direct experience, that change is possible, that it's not like because there are so many times where, especially when I was younger, like I'm just this is it for me, but through seeing others change and putting a little bit of time and effort, because one of the things that really is crazy, and when I hear you and and others talk about ADHD, like satisfaction, like the the chemicals that we that we perceive as satisfaction, that most People get from things like working out rewards, yeah, yeah. Rewards, yeah, that's I've gotten directly from putting in just a little bit of effort into changing certain things. You know, I'll get like, Oh, it's a little bit easier to wake up earlier now and then just like, whoosh, this rush of like, Oh, it feels great. Like I changed this. That's amazing, you know, sure.

Brooke Schnittman: 26:27

And so you're taking the strategies that you have learned it sounds in your time and rehab, and you're using them in your marriage, in your daily functioning shifting, like when things get chaotic, to take a step back and thinking about the bigger picture of how can I go back to what I know works for sure, so it's not always chaotic,

Christopher French: 26:54

yeah, and recognizing that things may may just be chaotic, whether I like it or Not, and having ways to deal with that when it happens. And one of the craziest things is how much the recovery industry has shifted to fully embracing its dual diagnosis. It's called in recovery, where people have ADHD or have spectrum autism and are also struggling with recovery, struggling with, you know, drug addiction and alcoholism, because it is like it's probably because it is like you said, so ubiquitous, because there are lots of little things that we can do to like you said, guardrails. It's like having guardrail it's like having like walking around, finding little ways of building, like a bumper on my car, you know, so that I know I'm gonna bump into shit, so I might as well put a bumper on my car so I don't do as much damage. You know, I always say everybody's friends are like, Why do you wake up so early, man? Like, you really need to meditate that much. I'm like, dude, yes, because if I don't do that before I interact with anyone, most likely I will ruin someone's day, and that will probably be mine. Unfortunately,

Brooke Schnittman: 28:11

I'm glad you ended with that so, you

Christopher French: 28:14

know, because it's like, there's a few weird little things that I've found too recently that are like, I looked into this blue mind, okay, this blue mind. There's a book called Blue mind, that this neuroscience, is it?

Brooke Schnittman: 28:25

What talking about, like, water and, yeah,

Christopher French: 28:29

yeah, like, then the neurological, yes, running water. Yeah, that water. And they've what, the sign, what this guy's science, at least, is showing, is that all the way down even to the color blue, like if you just are in an overstimulated, overreactive place and surround yourself with the color blue, or even think about the ocean, it automatically has, like a very calming, calming effect, relaxing effect on our cells, even like on the most basic level. So I started getting blue tinted sunglasses. Okay, so when I like, when I know for going to the airport or I'm going to, like, a kid's birthday party or something, and it's like, it's gonna be a lot, I put my blue shades on, and the entire world is, like, turned down maybe two or three notches. It's crazy. Yeah, suddenly I'm like, oh, okay, I'm, like, relaxed at the airport. That's great.

Brooke Schnittman: 29:28

Who's relaxed at the airport? Plus you're in, like, first class, and you're in the lounge, yes, you know, just chilling on your massage chair. Wow. So a lot of people for over simulation will use, like, loop earplugs, or, you know,

Christopher French: 29:45

sensors, which I do as well. I did that when I, when we had a kid, I got this. What I'm using here is these bluetooth earbuds, because I'll put, like, some white noise in my earbuds, because the kid with the screaming, and it's that kind of stuff, we're just like, I'm always so i. Are triggered by like sound, like intense sound, and especially chaotic sound like, because I am really great with organized sound as a musician. Like, that's how my brain works. I'll organize all any sound I hear. Like, if I'm at a stoplight and the blinker is going like, there's a beat playing in my head that's in sync with the blinker. Like, organized sound is where my brain lives. But when there's disorganized sound, two people talking at once, or like, you know, the dogs are barking and someone's trying to tell me something they think is important, and the phone is ringing, I'm like, I'm looking at you, but I'm completely not here at all, like my brain has melted and I've gone,

Brooke Schnittman: 30:41

right, you've heard every single sound on a different frequency Exactly. You're just shaking your head nodding, but listening to a million different sounds at once. I'm

Christopher French: 30:51

just trying not to, like, scream at everyone and go hide, basically. So the earbuds work for sure. And the and the visual thing was, was a different kind of hack that I found recently with those blue mind with the blue shape. It's amazing. Highly recommend anyone out there trying it, because it's like, I was like, oh, to try this, because it sounds it will look cool, if nothing else, it will look cool. But I was shocked, like, how much of a real impact it had on my mood.

Brooke Schnittman: 31:24

Wow. So I definitely want to look more into that as well. But just side note with sunglasses, right? So some of the medications that we might be on for anti depression or anxiety can make you more sensitive to the sun. So wearing the sunglasses can also help with that sensory overload, for sure, and the sensitivity to sun. So now you added that extra layer of the blue, and I would love to look into that more to see the effects of that. That's really cool. Yeah, so Christopher, it sounds like you're managing the ups and downs of your ADHD, similar to the ups and downs of your marriage, like we know with adulthood, there's different things put on us. We have to pay taxes, we have to deal with interdependence. You know, you're it's not independence, it's interdependence. We have to deal with kids like no one prepares us for this. And when you were a teenager and you dealt with ADHD and you got sober, that was just a vacuum of your life then, right? Yeah, but because you have that way and that awareness of how your ADHD operates, it sounds like from when you deal with new challenges. It might be scary at first, but you regulate yourself and you figure out ways to work through it, even with your new challenges.

Christopher French: 33:07

Yeah, I mean, that's the goal. That's like, what I've been, you know, what I kind of try to do more and more over time, has been like, okay, that's what we can we can do. And as we do that, I get more feedback from it working that I can do that again. You know when I because most of the time I'm in self doubt, like almost all the time, I'm like, Oh God, I'm never going to be able to do this. But then I can remember that actually I've done this before, or I've done something similar, or I've done other things that were similarly daunting, and I can do that too, and a lot of the time, what's funny is that so much of the like systems and structures are just the same kind of patterns over different things like just apply that same pattern with different Yeah, that's been the challenge, for sure. That's like the life koan, the life challenge, right? Is like continuing to show up and stand up straight, yeah? And the

Brooke Schnittman: 34:16

stock market, yeah, yeah.

Christopher French: 34:20

It's, it's tough, though, but one of the things that I would say that I've been learning most recently is as I embrace or accept my self and my brain more and more. I like, I forget her name, but she has a book called How to ADHD.

Brooke Schnittman: 34:44

Jessica McCabe, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christopher French: 34:48

I like how she talks about brains, where she's like, we're just, we're all just like brains with bodies. When I can look at my brain as a different or unique, i. But equally lovable aspect of whatever it is that I am and like be ready to support myself and open to any external supports that there might be for me, and start from a place of a little bit more regulation and a little bit more self love and a little bit more of that spacious, compassionate energy, no matter what it is that pops up. Like, at least I can step into a situation and be like, Look, you guys, I have no idea what to do here, and that's okay. You know what I mean, it's okay. Like most of the time, everybody's thinking that same thing. They're just not not saying it. They're just not able to say it.

Brooke Schnittman: 35:50

You're asking for help by saying that. Like you're not letting your ego step in the way and try to mask that you don't know what's happening. You're asking for clarity,

Christopher French: 36:00

which is how I lived my life for the whole first half of my life, it was like, nobody's gonna help you. So you need to just figure this out and try not to look like you don't know what to do. I mean, straight up, even in because I went to school for recording and film scoring and orchestration, one of the things they literally taught us was when someone asks you to do something, just say, okay, good, I got this. And then don't tell them that, that you don't know what they're talking about. Go look it up and figure it out, which, in some ways, I get the practical use of that advice is, but in an interpersonal way, like if we use that, I mean, we're sort of taught that in a lot of ways by our society, and it's like we internalize that as, at least I internalize that as, even if I ask for help, nobody's going to help. No one's

Brooke Schnittman: 36:49

going to give it to you. Well, we received 20,000 more negative messages by the age of 10 than neurotypicals. So it would make sense that, right? It would make sense that you would feel like you're alone, like you can't trust other people, like if you ask for help, you won't get it back, or the look down on you. So it's so validating now that you've matured, and you know, we're practically the same age, that like we can look back and say, Okay, I can do this. You got the help that you needed. There's patterns that you can look at and say, Where does this like? How can I make sense of what's happening right now, and where are my bumpers or guardrails to bring me back? Yeah, and how do I manage with this organized chaos and replenish my energy so I can continue to thrive. So it's that metacognition, the reflection, the starting and activating and looking at the bigger picture.

Christopher French: 37:54

Yeah, the bigger picture thing has been a huge thing, especially once I started like a real meditation practice, that bigger picture has changed almost everything in my life, like my ability to deal with almost everything, because so much of the time I get really easily, quickly locked into like, this is a problem. I gotta fix this problem, or it's gonna run my life forever. Or like, you know, I get locked into, like, the each little detail, but when I can step back and be like, Okay, so basically, everything's okay, other than this or that, which I need to address. And then at some point, at some point, yeah, maybe not even to be now, yeah, yeah. Probably shouldn't even be right now,

Brooke Schnittman: 38:40

right? Because my my intention is to do this right now, this other thing, and this is not an emergency, yeah, yeah.

Christopher French: 38:47

And recognizing for myself that so much of the time, if I keep my hands off and I stay open, most things will work themselves out. That's kind of the craziest, one of the crazy. It's one of the craziest lessons I've learned. You

Brooke Schnittman: 39:04

know, that's so hard to process, right, especially when because I'm talking about myself here for a second, I remember in my 20s when I had to show off, right? I was a special education teacher tapped on the shoulder to be an administrator in special education, so I was constantly having to prove myself right. I had to be the first to respond to emails. I had to be the first to do this just to show that I'm capable and a hard worker at that time. And I remember my boss saying to me, Brooke, give it a few minutes. And he had ADHD too, but he was more mature and dealt with it, and he was also a child psychologist, right? So he had the tools, but he's like, just give it a little while. You don't have to respond immediately, and generally, someone else will step in. You don't always have to be the first one to try to solve the problem. Mm.

Christopher French: 40:00

Yeah, yeah. That's like a quote that I was just thinking about the other day that's, again, like, kind of from a Zen Buddhist perspective, that's like, you don't have to react to everything you notice. Yes. I was like, Oh man, that's mind blowing. Because, yeah, to me, it's like, if I notice it, that means it's important enough that it needs my criticism, right

Brooke Schnittman: 40:24

and my immediate attention. Let's drop everything else and be firefighters right now,

Christopher French: 40:28

exactly. Yeah. And what's the craziest thing is, once I've been able to accept how some of these things are for me, like I am this way, whatever way that is each day, like interpersonally, like you were staying with my wife, for example. Like, over time, she stopped complaining about the fact that I just put stuff in random places. When I walk in the door, I'm just like, Oh, here's just, like, my keys and this or that, or whatever, and she'd be and she now goes, here's your drawer. I'm like, Oh, great, I have a drawer now, and I'll put all my stuff in there. You know when I walk just random stuff, and that's okay, because it's my drawer, and it can be messy if I want. Yeah, you know, those kinds of things. And that was years, years ago, before I started really looking into some of the stuff and seeing what everybody on social media talks about, like the the drunk

Brooke Schnittman: 41:21

drawers. Yes, it's amazing,

Christopher French: 41:23

because I'm like, oh, that has seriously helped me game

Brooke Schnittman: 41:26

changer. I have a neurodivergent family. I have two stepsons, 11 and 13, and they have ADHD, complex. ADHD. My husband has ADHD. I have ADHD, right? So you can imagine, the end, we have a two and a half year old toddler girl. So you can imagine what the chaos looks like. And then there's me who, even though I have ADHD, I also have anxiety. So I'm like, Guys, put your backpacks here. Stop eating the phone chargers. Like, put the crumbs away, turn off the light. And then we had to say to myself, like, Okay, we're gonna get baskets in every room. And still, even with the basket, sometimes they dump their towel right next to the laundry basket on the floor. But it's it's a ball in motion, right? So, like everything is a journey. You try to manage your own anxiety, ADHD, whatever the way that you can. And I think if your nervous system is regulated and you have trust and more cookies in the cookie jar with you and your spouse, then the little stuff doesn't bother you as much, for

Christopher French: 42:33

sure, and then I'm able to find ways where, like this kind of can work, and has in the past worked in my favor, and can work in my favor when I know how to use it. Sort of like I was just thinking yesterday, I got a ton of work dumped on me yesterday. Like this guy that I'm working with on the show had his own mental health day, and he was like, Guys, I can't do it. I'm logging off. I can't do it today, and which meant that we had to kind of pick up the pieces. Yeah, basically for in and on a project that needed to be done by the end of the day, of course, but being like, how do I work best? Just throw something at me and a bottle of water and I'm good. And I locked into a hyper focus at like 10am and plowed through everything by 5pm and I was just like, nice,

Brooke Schnittman: 43:29

did you go to the bathroom?

Christopher French: 43:30

I did. Yes, I did. I've been trying to be better about taking breaks for actual needs, instead of just getting frustrated about having any needs, because that's what it has been until now. I'm like, God, why do I need to go the bathroom again? That has been helpful, like little little, you know, kind of finding ways that I can embrace some of these things as not even necessarily challenges, but unique gifts, I guess. Yeah, yeah, for a world that maybe wasn't built so strictly to make them seem like challenges. Genius.

Brooke Schnittman: 44:11

I love it ebbs and flows, harnessing your boundaries, harnessing when you need to jump in, and your superpowers like finding the balance of the chaos and silencing the chaos when you can. It's all beautiful. That's what I got out of this conversation. So Christopher, thank you for sharing your journey with us. If someone needs a composer or would like to get in touch with you, yeah, what do you recommend?

Christopher French: 44:43

Yeah, they can. I have a website, cm french.com, I'm on Instagram at cm French. And I don't really my nervous system can't really handle Twitter anymore, so I'm not really on Twitter anymore. They can reach out. I have an agent at first artists. Management, but yeah, I mean hitting me up directly is always cool, and it would be awesome to work with more neurodivergent people. I half the time I feel like I am and people just don't know it like they maybe just don't know that about themselves, but the community that I've seen growing around you and elsewhere online, of people who are not only like self aware neuro divergence, but self enthusiastic, maybe would be the best way to say it, neurodivergent folks who are just like whatever man. This is me, and I'm excited to be here. It would be awesome to have more opportunities to kind of connect with with the community, no matter whether it's through work or anything else. I've been loving everything you're doing, and I really appreciate it. I mean, honestly, seriously, I got your book. Remember, be honest, I've gotten through like a quarter of it before my dopamine wore off and it's done my It's

Brooke Schnittman: 46:04

okay. It's not meant to be read in one sitting. It's a 12 step program. Okay,

Christopher French: 46:13

that's probably why, nothing to do with addiction, yeah. But no, that's the thing is, like, it's so honestly, like I wouldn't have started thinking about this stuff and started finding ways to, like, relieve myself of the sort of burdensome, like, weight of feeling like there's something wrong with being an adult in his 40s with a kid and a family, and it's still having some of these issues. If I hadn't seen people openly talking about this stuff on social media recently, it's it just wouldn't have happened. I'd still be like, just trying to get through each day in a cloud of self aloneness, yeah, aloneness, isolation and sort of self criticism. So I really, I think you're doing awesome work. And everybody out there that listens to this and is actively like, you know, working with themselves. I don't like to say anymore, working on myself. I'm working with myself like we're doing whatever, you know, we're doing the work we're doing, like, I want to say the Lord's work, but that's the joke of it. We're doing the real work of being alive. You know,

Brooke Schnittman: 47:30

things do not happen overnight. Social media is such a paradox, right? Because it can help so much, give such good information, and at the same time, sometimes we think we can just fix things overnight, and you've described in this episode how it's a life long condition, and it ebbs and flows. But if you find your center, you find the strategies that work for you, you are aware of how your brain operates, and you create your own manual, and you could thrive. It's not overnight.

Christopher French: 48:05

It's not overnight, though, yeah, it's not sometimes it's in the middle of the night. It's not gonna be overnight, that's for sure, when the baby wakes up, yeah, yeah, or when my own thoughts wake me up. But yeah, exactly.

Brooke Schnittman: 48:21

So nice having you Christopher and go. If you're looking to get a composer, go find Christopher. Most creatives, a lot of creatives, I shouldn't say most creatives, a lot of creatives do have ADHD. There are stats about that. And thanks again for coming on successful with ADHD,

Christopher French: 48:42

of course, thank you for having me.

Brooke Schnittman: 48:45

Thanks for listening to this episode of successful with ADHD. I hope it helps you on your journey, and if you need any additional support for you or a loved one with ADHD, feel free to reach out to us@coachingwithproof.com and all social media platforms at coaching with Brooke, and remember, it's Brooke with the knee. Thanks again for listening. See you next time you.