Sensual Being
A podcast hosted by Jolene, tapping into your inner wildness, and how you connect with yourself, others and the world around you.
With 20 years experience teaching woman to pole dance, an addiction to Yoga, and a desire to connect with animals and be in nature, Jolene will unlock parts of your soul you didn't know needed unlocking.
This postcast covers many topics including; confidence, intimacy, kink, intentions, and becoming more aware of how we see ourselves.
Sensual Being
Ep 92 - Igniting Your Life Through Self-Pleasure
Imagine redefining solitude not as loneliness, but as an empowering journey towards self-sufficiency and self-love. Join me, Jolene Whiting, on this episode of the Sensual Being podcast where we unravel the layers of inner confidence and self-care. Discover how embracing your feminine energy and the art of self-reflection can liberate you from the shackles of societal pressures and external validation. We'll navigate the transformative power of shifting from the relentless to-do lists to a more fulfilling "ta-da" list, celebrating accomplishments that feed our souls rather than just our schedules.
Embark on a transformative experience as we explore practices that reconnect us with our authentic selves, from meditation and yoga to mirror work and self-exploration. Learn to cherish solitude as an opportunity for introspection, where activities like dancing or simple presence become gateways to appreciating the uniqueness of each moment. Together, let's challenge the notion that productivity equals self-worth and instead cultivate a mindset where self-expression and inner contentment reign. It's time to embrace your innate worth and universal love, empowering you to celebrate yourself without the need for external approval.
- If you would like to connect further you can find me on Instagram @jolenesensualbeing
- You can sign up to my mailing list here: Sensual Being Mailout
- My Youtube channel: SensualBeingJolene
I hope you enjoy your day.
Jolene
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Hello and welcome to the Sensual being podcast with myself, your host, jolene Whiting. I have been a pole dance teacher for nearly 20 years. I'm also a yoga instructor, and my favorite pastimes are connecting to my own sensuality, connecting with the world and connecting with animals as well. In this podcast, you'll find new and inventive ways of how you see yourself, connecting yourself with others, and also how you see and view the world around you. Today's episode is going to be one not for the young ears. We are going to be diving in to a little bit of self-pleasure and making time for yourself and why it is so important. Hello, sensual being, and thank you so much for joining me today in my little little corner of the universe where we get a chance to connect on a deeper level, and that's kind of one of the things I wanted to talk to you about today is the deeper level, the higher consciousness of yourself, but also how to tap into it. You may have heard these words thrown around, even by me, and then thinking I don't really understand what she means and it's also really hard to describe because it's also going to feel very different for everybody. But I wanted you to really think about how you could tap into yourself further. And I remember hearing something it was last year from a really lovely woman, really really lovely. But I remember the comment and it stuck with me and it's grown on me quite a lot as in like oh, it bugs me, like why does it bug me? And it's got no right to bug me. This is just some inner workings of my own mind, but she actually said she said just as a passing comment that oh, I only read a fiction. I don't, I don't read anything that's like any personal development or anything like self-help. I just I just can't be asked, I just can't be bothered. And I was thinking, wow, I mean it's interesting to think that someone could be so enhanced in within themselves that they think that they don't need to go any further. And to be honest, I don't think I've ever met anybody who doesn't need to go any further into themselves to find out more. And it stuck with me because I thought, I think I mean I grew up in a time and I remember particularly there was a scene I used to love watching Sex in the City and there was a scene where Charlotte was looking for a book in a bookshop and it was in the self-help section and she ended up going there.
Speaker 1:She sort of found the book that she wanted and there was a woman next to her bawling her absolute eyes out and this woman was going oh my gosh, that book, it really helped me. And she was looking at another book at the time and it was like that really helped me. And then Charlotte was just like oh, travel, I was looking for the travel section. Travel, you know to like make out that she didn't want to be in the self-help section. And it's interesting that that is the stigma that I have grown up with. And to actually break through that mold.
Speaker 1:And there's a lot of people breaking through that mold now and doing amazing work. I mean, when you look at the depth of Tony Robbins' work, you know he's just grown and grown and grown and grown over the years and people are really sort of flocking to it. But I think you know, years ago, when he first started, nobody was, nobody was. I think he had seven people turn up to his very first seminar that he ever did and it was a free one as well. Um, and yeah, so you know this sort of stuff.
Speaker 1:There's been quite a stigma towards it and it's okay if you feel that stigma. It is okay because societal conditioning has put that on us. Why, you ask now there's a very good question there why? Because as soon as we start tapping in to ourselves, there's like an inner confidence that we get. And it's, like you know, when I said before, like no one can actually insult you, and when I first heard this, I was like what are you talking about? Yes, they can, and they were like no, you can't, they can only insult you if you let them. So again, this is how taking your own inner power back, this is what I'm talking about, this kind of inner confidence. Because if someone said to me oh, I hate your red hair, it's awful, I'm like okay, it's fine, but I like it, you know.
Speaker 1:So this is, you know, someone could say that to me and I could go oh my gosh, you think it looks horrible. And I could take that on if I wanted to. And I think me even 10 years ago would have taken it on. Maybe even five years ago would have taken that on, because there was some part of me trying to get this external validation for my existence which, by the way, none of us need just saying none of us need it, but it's a very interesting view of your life if you are like this little ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any moment, to get triggered by someone saying something to you about their opinion and it's their opinion, it's like what's opinion? And that is what I want to tap into and that is your higher self, your own opinions, your own views, your own questions, your own answers. That's what I want to tap into and particularly, I mean this goes for everybody, men and women. But I would really like to hone in more on like the divine, feminine and that type of energy. So that's kind of the premise of where we're going today.
Speaker 1:And one of the biggest ones is, if you, I dare you, I dare you, I say this a lot to slow down, to slow down, to not always be so busy. It's a very masculine energy and I'm not saying we can't be busy and get things done and be productive, not what I'm saying. But where's your balance? Where is the balance? So things like I mean I have a to-do list, because I don't want to think about what I've got to do, I'd rather just write it down. I always go to bed with a notebook, then I can write down anything that pops into my mind before sleep. Some people have said, oh, you don't want to sleep with a notebook by your bed and I'm like, oh my God, how do you ever sleep? And they're like I don't. I'm like, okay, interesting, okay, let's come back to that. But yeah, a lot of people don't sleep because they have all this stuff running around in their heads.
Speaker 1:So a to-do list is great, but what happens when you don't do all the stuff on your to-do list or you completely get derailed. And what have you got derailed by? Because a lot of the time I've even pulled my partner up on this before because he's like, oh, I didn't get anything done. Didn't get anything done. I'm like, yeah, but you spent time with your dad and he needed your help and you were there. You were actually there to help him. And it's things like that that you're like, oh yeah, that's interesting, yeah, I was there.
Speaker 1:And actually we can get so bogged down by our to-do list that doesn't matter that we forget about the things that are actually happening, that do matter, and one of the things you could do maybe even at the end of your day, you could write down a ta-da list. A ta-da list. So ta-da, what have you done today? And write down the things that you've actually done. And it might not have even been the things on your to-do list. So it's an interesting take on how to look at our masculine energy and how to maybe slow it down or to view it differently. And when we look at slowing things down, it might not be a complete day of going slow, but you might be able to add in, like meditation, yoga, you go running if you like to go out and go running. Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all, but maybe for a longer portion of the time out, that maybe at the end you could walk for a bit longer and just actually allow your mind to slow down.
Speaker 1:And also reading, particularly reading a book, whether it's physical or kindle, ideally not a screen kindles are kind of like a halfway point, I'll give you that. But to actually hold something tangible in your hands, like a book, is very. For me anyway, it's very like earthy. Or even to hold a hot drink, it's very. It's very grounding. Whilst it's not connecting to the earth, it is a very grounding experience because you are holding something physical. So you're using that physical sense of touch and maybe like getting the temperature from the drink or the feel of the book. Maybe the pages feel different, maybe even the book smells like maybe the book smells. Have you ever smelled the book? You know? That's a really interesting way of like diving into your senses.
Speaker 1:But the reason why I'm saying all of this is because society and the way we are conditioned and push, push, push success, goals, targets, achievement, to actually slow down our inner conditioning will make you feel like it's stupid, it's pointless, it's worthless. Why are you wasting your time we can have? I mean, I have this inside me and sometimes I find it hard if I haven't meditated in the morning and I've gone a little bit too long and I haven't done it, and then I think, oh well, there's no point doing it now. Oh dear, you know, I'm in my day, I'm doing my to-do list, you know, and I was like oh, jolene, come on, think about this. And this is why I wanted to share it with you, because I feel this too, and if I feel it, I'm sure other people must feel it. It can't just be me, can't just be me.
Speaker 1:But if we don't actually tap into ourselves and there's a lot of people who are going to resonate with what I'm about to say. There is a lot of people who cannot be alone with themselves, they cannot spend time alone with themselves. They can't have quiet room or they can't have any sort of visual. They can't have something they're doing. They can't have quiet room or they can't have any sort of visual. They can't have something they're doing, they can't just be. I mean, we're human beings. That's why I've called my podcast sensual being. It's not. If I called this podcast sensual doing, I mean you. You might literally just think it's about having sex not a bad thing, but doing is.
Speaker 1:So. You know, oh god, what am I going to do? What I have to do? Oh my god. But since you're being the human being, you can just be. You are enough as you are. You know, babies come into this world. They're enough as they are, but we teach them, we. You know, I'm not, I'm not saying literally you and me, but society teaches them. No, you're not enough as you are. You need to do something. You need to prove your worth, you need to earn your keep. You know, and that's how we raise children. And I know also let's not forget, that's also a survival way of raising children and us as humans. You know, if I didn't, if I just sat around and didn't work in the world we live in, I do need money, I do need a roof over my head and things like that. So there is a balance.
Speaker 1:But have we tipped the scale so far that we go into things like oh you know, get your validation from elsewhere, or we go, we try and get likes on social media, or we just go shopping all the time? We go shopping for no reason. I've done this, I've done this, I've done this before. Or we numb ourselves with either drinking or maybe drugs, recreational drugs, or maybe just with TV. Maybe you think, okay, think okay, well, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, but I do love netflix. How much do you love it? Can you just watch one episode or something in a day and go, yep, that was great, I'll look forward to the next one, maybe tomorrow. No, I've got to watch the next one now. Oh my god, what happens? Oh my god, before you know, it's 3 am and you're still not in bed yet. Oh, I can never sleep. Why can't you sleep? You know, and you start to really you.
Speaker 1:We try to numb ourselves out, just so that we don't have to spend any time along alone with our heads. Because, also, what we forget is that our brain works all the time, even when we're asleep. Oh my god, some of the dreams we have, seriously. But our brain will not stop working. But people demonize our brains for being a brain.
Speaker 1:This is where meditation is good, this is where slowing down is good, or even just spending a little bit of time just by yourself. Can you actually just maybe go outside in the morning, drink your drink ideally not caffeine first thing, but whatever. Go outside, drink your drink ideally not caffeine first thing, but whatever. Go outside, drink your hot drink or a glass of water and then just be there not doing anything. And this is so hard, this is so hard for a lot of people. If you're nodding your head going, I can't do that. Oh my God, my brain is crazy.
Speaker 1:You're not alone and it's not necessarily ADHD or autism, it's a brain. And our brain is this like one big muscle in our head, probably the most important one in our whole body, and yet how do you exercise it? A lot of the time we don't. We numb it, we numb it, we bypass it, we switch it off, we blame it for everything that's wrong in our lives, when actually it's not our brain's fault at all. It's just how we have been conditioned to live our life.
Speaker 1:And if we want to like, really tap into more feminine energy, it's kind of it's all. It's not even hidden in plain sight. It is in plain sight how much our world it can be based on the feminine, on the goddesses. You know it is there For a little example for you. So Friday. Friday has always been my favourite day of the week, but anyway, the word Friday Fry could have possibly come from the Norse god Freyja, the Norse god of love, beauty and sex. I mean, come on, it doesn't get much more goddess energy than that. We have a day of the week for the goddess Freya. That's pretty cool. And then when you look at the moon cycles, there are 13 moon cycles in a year and it goes through an ebb and flow of energy the same as ding ding ding a woman. We have, in theory, supposedly 13 cycles a year. I know everyone's cycle is different, so work with it how you will, but typically we have 13 cycles of our cycle in a year. So again, we are so cyclical, which means that we should. We should be trying to work with our energies, not against not.
Speaker 1:Oh, I feel tired today, so I'm going to have more caffeine. No, you're tired today. Why are you tired? Where are you in your cycle? Have you even got your cycle at the moment? How is it doing? How are you in your cycle? Have you even got your cycle at the moment? How is it doing? How are you connected to it? Do you just pop some pills and get past it? Or do you sit with her? And when I say, sit with her, sit with your womb, sit with that part of you and come home to yourself?
Speaker 1:And also, in Sanskrit, we heard the word yoni quite a lot. There's so many businesses, there's so many practices that use the word yoni. So yoni in ancient Indian Sanskrit means it's the Sanskrit word for vagina, but it literally translates to the holy place, the temple, and we don't even have a word in the English language that can encompass that. We don't have it. So we have to use the word yoni, which is a beautiful word, absolutely beautiful, but I'm just saying that there's no word in the English language that encompasses all of that. So therefore, again, you know even more like disjointed from who we actually are.
Speaker 1:And if we don't actually connect into ourself, actually connecting to ourself, we are at risk of just staying on surface level surface level and this can actually feed in to feelings of feeling alone and feeling well being alone and feeling loneliness, and you can feel loneliness when you are not alone as well. So, please know, some of the times when I felt the most lonely has been when I've been in a group of people that I just don't click with and I'm like, I feel like an outcast and I've had this before. So it's not even the case that you are on your own and you feel lonely. You can be with people and feel it. This is not something that you can just go out with your friends and then 100% feel okay. There's probably going to be a part of you yearning for more connection, but you're not given it because you can't fathom either the time of day to do it or the mental capacity to do it, because that's actually really common and you're not alone.
Speaker 1:If you feel like that not alone, but with the word alone think about the word alone. It's a l o n? E. If you add one more l in there, it's all one. You are all one. You are enough as you are. You are who you're meant to be. You are all one. You are enough as you are. You are who you're meant to be. You are all one. But somehow that word has been taken to be alone. Oh, bad, bad, bad, it's not bad, it's really not bad.
Speaker 1:And when we kind of can't be with ourselves, we don't know what we want for pleasure as well. So we can end up relying on others for pleasure because we haven't done any of the inner work. And yes, I'm going to be talking about masturbation from this point onwards a little bit as well, because that is such an incredible way to come in to ourselves. Our own sexual energy is so potent and so magical. And I'm not saying you have to have an orgasm to feel this. I'm saying you can tap into this. You can tap into your own sexual energy and have this incredible lust in your life. But you actually have to have the time to make the time to come into yourself and literally come into yourself, and it doesn't happen just overnight. You actually have to make time and, like I say, we live in a very masculine driven to-do list world that actually to take the time to come into ourselves. You can feel a bit edgy on even just trying to make the time, and that's okay. That's okay.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you some ways that you can actually just start to come in and come home to yourself, and one of the favorite ways I have oh my god, favorite ways is mirrors, mirrors. So when you use a mirror for any sort of mirror work, I want you to really make sure you are surrounded by a beacon of love and light. Whether you can see it visually or you're just saying it to yourself, or you can close your eyes and imagine it. I want you to make sure you are surrounded by an aura of beautiful, magnetic light. Even if you are feeling any sort of darkness, that's okay. We're not getting rid of the darkness, but I want you to actually surround yourself with this beacon of light when you work with mirrors, because I think your energy when you work with mirrors is so important, because the reflections that we can get back and the insights we can have can be so, so potent. But we want to make sure that we are protected as we do it. We are protected as we do it, and when you're doing mirror work, one of the, I say, simple ones.
Speaker 1:I was going to say easiest, but that's wrong. One of the simplest ones you can do is eye gazing. So when you are looking into the mirror, look into your eyes. You may never have done this before. No-transcript, that's doing something.
Speaker 1:I want you just to be with yourself. I want you to look into your eyes. I want you to look into the universe and the galaxies within your eyes and if you can do that, that is an amazing gift of sight. It really really is, and there's this connection that happens because it's almost like there's a portal to another world. I really really is, and there's this connection that happens because it's almost like there's a portal to another world. I mean, we've seen so many stories of like parallel universes and portals and things like that. Mirrors is almost like a gateway to this other portal, this other you that is living on the other side of the mirror.
Speaker 1:So when you're gazing into her eyes, into your eyes, I want you to send so much love. You can say this out loud, you can just do it visually, through feeling, but I want you to fill yourself up with so much love and it's the sort of love that you have when you're brought into this world. It's this unconditional love from the universe, from God, from your parents when you have just been born. It's that type of nurturing love, and I know not everybody has managed to feel this love throughout all of their life, but this love is there for you to tap into, if you allow yourself. So, this universal energy of love, this unconditional love, this appreciation for your gift of life you are a gift in this world and that is something that I really want you to try and tap into. Even if you just say some of these words out loud but they don't hit home today, that's okay. Try it again another day and then another day, but keep going because you are worth the time.
Speaker 1:I promise you what you can also do in front of the mirror as well, is dance, is dance. Put on a song that makes you feel powerful, beautiful, seductress vibes, whatever the vibe is, that makes you feel a little bit like sensual, a little bit into your sexual nature, a bit primal, whatever that vibe is. A little bit wild, a little bit saucy, whatever it is. Just be aware of the lyrics in the song as well. If they are lyrics, that's really going to kind of put you down, even if the song is good. Just be aware, be aware, and it's not about you. Can do this in the dark, yeah, as well, so you can have low lights on if you want to.
Speaker 1:And to really really hone in on this even more, if you do that and do it naked, either the eye gazing the dancing doing that naked, or maybe taking the time to take a layer of clothing off your jumper off and maybe you play with the jumper as you're taking it off, this is just between you and you. This is your time. This is not a time you can, if you want, but it's not a time to record it and then watch it back or share it with people. This is a moment between you and you and this moment we have to remember that every moment in our life is special. There's no such thing as an ordinary moment. Every moment is special and by doing this between you and you, you really start to tap in to that being the sensual, being part of yourself and also touching actually touching your body, your beautiful, magnificent body, which has got you to this point in your life. Not everybody has. That's a gift.
Speaker 1:To touch your body like stroking your body, stroking, like your neck, maybe, like, even like in your elbow crease, or like under your wrist oh, I just touched under my wrist now, sorry, I'll stop doing that, it's going to distract me but all these little soft touches that you can give to yourself so that you can really learn yourself so much more and to even go so far as to actually pleasure yourself. And if you do this in front of a mirror, oh my god, oh my god, you just tap in so much more. You don't have to do it. This, you could do it however you want. But to tap into yourself I mean to be able to see your own pussy as you're playing with it is a new level of porn. It's so magnificent, it really really is. And I'm bearing all with you here because it's important.
Speaker 1:And these are things that I have been doing over the last few years, and I didn't just do them all in one go. They've grown. And one of the main things that's really helped me is sirens of the moon, where we actually do a mirror dance. Yes, we're clothed. Yes, we have done it naked before, not like literally a handful of times. It's been amazing. But by having that regular mirror practice I have made this new relationship with myself, like this self of me that's in this other, parallel universe. You know, and you start to tap into your imagination as well, more that way when you actually think of this being on the other side of the mirror. You know, and you start to tap into your imagination as well, more that way when you actually think of this, this being on the other side of the mirror, as another part of you. She's living, she's aligning with you as best she can and this just, I don't know, it's just. It gets your mind going in a new imaginative way, because we don't know how much of life is actually here. We really really don't.
Speaker 1:And I love it, like when I go to the woods and I kind of I leave these offerings out for fairies and I can't tell you if they're true or not, but I really enjoy doing it. It's quite whimsical. Is it real, is it not? I don't know. But what I do know is that it makes me really happy doing it and I even talk to them. You might be thinking, oh, she's got off on one now because she's talking to fairies, so what? I don't care, because I'm really happy when I do it and it makes me feel really fun and really whimsical. It makes me feel like the little kid of me who used to run down with her little key brooch and touch the tree at the end of the garden when it was dusk and then run back up to the house. And why shouldn't we be nurturing our inner child? And who's to say, our inner child was childish. Maybe our inner child had it right all along. Maybe she did.
Speaker 1:Because I do believe that as starseeds we are brought into this earth side and we know so much as babies and youngsters because we have that like sixth sense as well. But as, like I said earlier, we are grown up in this pushy, pushy way that we have to do stuff, that we have to thrive. You know so a lot of that sixth sense. The empathic nature gets like taken away from us, but to be able to come back into it is so, so important in our life. I mean, to me it is. So if you can just make time to prioritize yourself in however it works for you and really tapping into your sexual nature.
Speaker 1:Because when we tap into our sexual nature, the last bit I'm going to leave you with today is about sex magic and you don't need a partner to do this and, to be honest, I actually find this really powerful doing on my own, because I can really fully embody my whole intention and I love that. So when I am going to pleasure myself and have some fun, I like to sometimes set an intention. Of course I do, but set an intention of what energy you want to bring into yourself. I mean, it could be love, it could be joy, it could be joy, it could be peace, it could be anything like that. But you could also think what is it that you're trying to manifest in your life? Currently we are selling the house, so I'm going to bring that energy into it.
Speaker 1:And so when you are at that heightened point of pleasure, or once you've climaxed, literally at those points, see if you can bring your intention back in to yourself and actually that energy is then going out into the universe and sexual energy. You've seen people who are so embodied in their sexual energy. They are they. People say they're magnetic. Because they are, they attract the things that they are desiring, that they are aligning with, because they are putting that energy out into the world. They are embodying that energy that they want to receive. They are really tapping into it. So this type of sexual energy is so important in our lives that if we can take the time to tap into it, we can get so much more lives. That if we can take the time to tap into it, we can get so much more we really really can.
Speaker 1:So see if you can make some time for yourself this week, today, even it's nothing like the present. None of this has to take a long time. You don't have to do all of it. You can just simply look into the mirror, gaze into your eyes and just say to yourself I love you and I appreciate you. Even if it's hard, that's okay. And some days it might be really easy, and some days it might be really hard and you're like, oh, but it was easy yesterday, what's wrong with me today? Don't go down that route. Just accept that you are a human being, sensual being. You have emotions and you're allowed to feel different Every day. We are allowed to feel different and the more we can accept that part of ourself, then the more happier we will be within ourself.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning in today. I really look forward to getting any messages from you to see how you got on with this. Remember, as always, to lead through your life with your heart and to live with intention. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with your friends and on social media. If you have the time to rate or review this podcast, I'd be ever so grateful. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me at Jolene Sensual Bean. The links to my YouTube and to sign up to my mailing list will be in the show notes as well. I look forward to speaking with you again very soon.