Sensual Being
A podcast hosted by Jolene, tapping into your inner wildness, and how you connect with yourself, others and the world around you.
With 20 years experience teaching woman to pole dance, an addiction to Yoga, and a desire to connect with animals and be in nature, Jolene will unlock parts of your soul you didn't know needed unlocking.
This postcast covers many topics including; confidence, intimacy, kink, intentions, and becoming more aware of how we see ourselves.
Sensual Being
Ep 94 - Communicate Better in Love, Life and Intimacy!
Join me on an enlightening journey in our latest episode of the Sensual Being Podcast, where we explore the transformative power of appreciation in our relationships. Have you ever thought about how often we take our loved ones for granted? In this episode, I share my experiences with my pony Louie, who reminds me of life's fleeting nature and the importance of expressing love before it's too late.
We dive into how vulnerability can be a strength that enhances our connections, urging us to have those hard conversations—the ones that might feel daunting but are essential for a deep emotional bond. The discussion expands into the realm of shadow work, guiding listeners through the process of acknowledging their triggers and vulnerabilities, turning self-discovery into a pathway for nurturing compassion within ourselves and toward others.
As we reflect on the speed of life and the constancy of change, you'll learn how simple acts of appreciation can dramatically alter interpersonal dynamics, enriching both intimacy and everyday interactions. This episode is packed with insights and prompts for initiating meaningful conversations with your loved ones, reminding us to live intentionally and embrace the moments we have with each other.
Ready to reinforce your relationships with kindness and acknowledgment? Tune in to experience profound insights that could reshape your connections. And if you find yourself touched by this episode, please consider sharing your thoughts or inviting friends to join our journey. Together, let's cultivate a world of compassion and appreciation for the incredible connections we share.
- If you would like to connect further you can find me on Instagram @jolenesensualbeing
- You can sign up to my mailing list here: Sensual Being Mailout
- My Youtube channel: SensualBeingJolene
I hope you enjoy your day.
Jolene
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Hello and welcome to the Sensual being podcast with myself, your host, jolene Whiting. I have been a pole dance teacher for nearly 20 years. I'm also a yoga instructor and my favorite pastimes are connecting to my own sensuality, connecting with the world and connecting with animals as well. In this podcast, you'll find new and inventive ways of how you see yourself, connecting yourself with others, and also how you see and view the world around you. Today, we are going to be looking at ways of bringing more appreciation and compassion into our lives and particularly breaking down the walls of communication, particularly when it comes to sex. Hello, sensual being, and thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 1:I really hope you have been looking at things like, if you're listening in real time, we're starting to get more signs of spring and I've been talking about it for the last couple of weeks, but it's so important to be able to see these signs like the longer evenings are coming and the daffodils are out. There's so many more daffodils now. They're so cute. They just look like happy flowers, happy flowers, and it's important that we are looking for these things because when we go through winter, it can be a very hard time for for people and I think it could be a hard time, even if you don't think you struggle with any sort of seasonal affected disorder or anything. Disorder I hate that word, but yeah, there's a lot of people who really suffer from it. But it is difficult as humans, particularly in this modern world, because I feel that there's this notion of push, push, push. You know, don't stop doing anything, you know, don't relax off, don't rest, keep pushing. And I think it's really hard to actually go with the season because of that. So here's your gentle reminder to say you are a cyclical being, we move with the seasons where we live, and it's the most natural thing in the world. If you need a bit more rest in winter and maybe now you're starting to get those stirrings of spring, maybe starting to feel a little bit more creative, feeling more active than you were maybe a couple of months ago, and if we can lean into those feelings throughout the seasons, then I think we'll all live happier lives. But we'll see how that goes, shall we?
Speaker 1:So, yeah, this episode, this got me thinking because I'm going through a lot of upheaval in my life at the moment, and a lot of it is self-inflicted upheaval, which is good, but it's still stressful in ways, and one of the things I wanted to talk about was my pony, my Louie. So Louie he is, I've had him, he's 33 years old and I've had him for 30 years. He's family, he is family and he's lost so much weight this winter and he is coming towards his end of life. I know he is and that's okay. It's funny. Every time I go and see him at the moment there's a Robin by him, and that never used to be the way. It's really odd how. That's okay, it's funny. Every time I go and see him at the moment there's a robin by him, and that never used to be the way. It's really odd how that's happening at the moment. But anyway, and they say, robins are like possibly loved ones who have passed, who are kind of coming back to see you or make some sort of presence known to you.
Speaker 1:So I don't, I don't know what to think about it at the moment, but it's made me think a couple of things. One, how vulnerable we are in life. I mean, I'm very lucky to say that he's led a very long life, but and I know not all of us do, but that is even more important Like my Louis is lucky he's led a long life for a pony, but he may not have done, and that's actually the same for all of us. We are so vulnerable in our lives. Our lives could be taken from us at any moment. And the other thing that makes me feel vulnerable with this as well is how quickly that 30 years has gone. I think back to all the different lives I have led in 30 years and that's just since knowing Louis and I find that it's absolutely crazy, like how quickly the time has gone by and how quickly the time almost seems like it is speeding up. I remember days used to drag when I was at school and now they just fly by and you're like, oh my God, it's the end of the week, almost the end of the month. Oh my God, we're already, you know, going into March and like where did January and February go? We're already, you know, going into March and like where did January and February go? We have this perception with time that it's not really. I don't really think it's real. I think it really is a made-up construct in our heads, because it's the biggest illusion of all I think is time.
Speaker 1:And if you go down the rabbit hole in your mind or thinking what would we do if we didn't have clocks or calendars? It's a very hard one to think about. We are so wired in to certain times for doing certain things, and the freedom from not having it is like mind blowing. It's mind blowing, I don't know how I would cope. It's mind blowing, I don't know how I would cope.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and so the fact that our lives can be taken from us at any moment, any moment, is something that I really want you to keep at the front of your mind. Now, there is a difference between keeping it at the front of your mind and obsessing about it. We don't want to obsess, because we're not going to live happier lives while we're here if we are obsessing about the day that we're going to go, but if we don't keep it at the front of our minds, we will not appreciate those who are around us now. We will not appreciate the gift that we have of being here on earth side if we do not remember that it can go at any second, any second, and I know it sounds like it's jumping off to quite a scary start. Yeah, it is, because I want you to really wake up and really know that this is a real thing for all of us, and that is the one thing we can come together on, because none of us are exempt from this.
Speaker 1:I have never actually met a vampire yet. So none of us are exempt from being mortal. That's right, isn't it Not? Immortal? Mortal, yes, that's right. So when we tap into that, are there conversations that you're holding back from Because you're just assuming people are going to be around forever, like we just assume? You know, because they haven't gone yet, therefore they're still here, therefore they will be forever, and we know deep down that that's not true. We do know, but somehow the fairy tale of life just tells us no, don't worry about that, just shun that away, don't worry about it. And actually we don't want to worry about it, but we don't want to forget about it, because if we can tap into this a little bit more and really think, oh, I, I mustn't leave on an angry note. I need to tell the people I love that I love them life will be different. It will be so different and and unfortunately, when you are in any sort of relationship with family, friends, lovers, we get complacent. This might be a wake up call to you right now to get on your phone quickly and just even just text someone I love you. There doesn't need to be a reason, but somehow there's.
Speaker 1:I almost wonder sometimes if there's like a weakness If you say, oh yeah, I love you, I really appreciate you. Somehow it's weakness and it's really hard as well, because sometimes people shun it off, like they don't want to hear it as well, which doesn't help you keeping that communication open. And it's a bit like when you see a lot of like school stuff or competition stuff. It's easier for people sometimes just to give some criticism than it is to say well done, you did really good there. I'm really proud of you. Why is that so much harder for some people?
Speaker 1:Not all, I know not all, but on a real big scale this is an issue and some of us have grown up in environments where our parents have never said well done. I'm very fortunate. I know you're listening, mom. I know you are, I know you are so I know I didn't grow up in this, but I have met so many people who have so many people have grown up in this environment and it doesn't necessarily come from like parents. It could come from teachers. It can even come from friends like friends sometimes, like they can feel like it's competitive against them if you've done something better than them. And it's not like you're trying to be better, it it's just you know. We're brought up as well, like I was brought up.
Speaker 1:You know on sports day and doing sort of competition things and to win, you know play as a team or on your own and you win stuff. You've got to win and it's almost sometimes flitted too much the other way. Now, where it's all about taking part, I would argue get rid of all that crap. Get rid of all that. Hone in on people's skills and what they can do. Not pit people against each other. And also not to, if you're going to pit people against each other, don't take away the winner and the loser thing, because otherwise people don't understand how to be like a sore loser. You know. They don't understand how to just lose something and be okay with it either. So I think growing up with any sort of competition is not actually very good because we're taking the enjoyment away of being in that moment and I think that's so detrimental to kids. And I have grown up with that because I remember doing sports day and things like that and the pressure was on so much you had to win and it was just it was not needed. You know this sort of stuff is not needed.
Speaker 1:I think if we can hone in on people's like actual skills and how they turn up, how they they show up for things, I think people would just radiate so much more in their lives. The competitive nature won't be there, because we will all be thriving at things. We will not be pushing, we will be aligning with things, and I just feel like that is something that is getting lost in our lives. It really is getting lost and there can be like a lot of shame that's put on us and when this is done at a very young age, it stays with you and then you'll carry it through your life and you won't even know that it's coming up for you, and this is so part of what we're going to talk about now is a little bit of like shadow work. When you do what they call shadow work it can be called many different things, but this is taking like situations that make you act out or trigger you or bother you, and you don't really know why, but it does.
Speaker 1:I don't like that person. They are always like, or you know things like that, and you're putting, letting your anger on that other person or that situation and not actually trying to uncover. Why am I letting that situation bother me? Yeah, so when you flip it around like that, why am I letting that person insult me? And that is what it comes down to. You are letting that happen. You are letting them happen and I had a conversation with somebody this week and bless her, she's so lovely, but she's had some trouble with somebody in her life Again.
Speaker 1:This isn't the first time and I sent her a message. I was like you are better than this. No, don't let them in, don't let them into yourself. I'm so angry. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:You are making that choice to be angry and this is really really, really hard. Oh my God, this is so hard, particularly if you are younger or never really done any shadow work. This is actually very difficult for me to say to you and you to go okay, I just won't be angry. I'm not saying for you not to feel things, but I'm asking you, when you feel a very strong emotion like upset, anger, hurt, frustrated, anxious, can you tap into it and go okay, anger, I see you, let's have a chat, shall we? You know, let's see why is my anger there?
Speaker 1:And you might find that this is where journaling is really good, because you can just write it down, you can burn it afterwards. You don't need it, it's not to look at again, but it's to unpack your mind and you'll be so surprised at what comes out, so, so surprised, and it might even stem that you're like you're angry because they're always like this. You're angry, yeah, I'm still, and it yeah. And I remember when I was little and this thing happened and I felt abandoned and you're like, oh, where did that come from? And you sort of unravel the real thing of why it got you and then you think, okay, that person, I'm just going to let them be because that has nothing, I don't need any of that. So I'm going to ignore the other person in the situation because it's not for me, but my reaction to it is for me. I can understand now why I'm getting like that.
Speaker 1:So a lot of this stuff, a lot of shadow work, can be, I say, resolved. There's many layers to it, but it can be proactively, like carried on through. If you are aware, when you are aware, of things that trigger you. Then you can start to offer yourself more compassion in a situation. Or maybe you might choose not to be around a certain person. You might choose not to put yourself in a certain situation because you're going to be like, right, I'm aware that if I do this or speak to that person, I'm going to get upset and I know why. And so you think, okay, I'm not going to, I'm not going to worry about that right now, I don't need to do that. But then as time goes on, you might find yourself in that situation again, talking about with somebody again and think, oh, do you know what? I'm actually okay about that? Yeah, and it takes time.
Speaker 1:So this is what shadow work is. It's going into the things that kind of set you off while you are. What shadow work is? It's going into the things that kind of set you off while you are. And they do also say that a lot of the time, people that trigger us are a mirror for something that's actually happening in our lives, like, or you know, they are a mirror to what we are or who we want to be.
Speaker 1:So trying to dive into that and unpacking that for yourself is again another reason why journaling is so good, and when I say journaling, I don't want you to think that you're sitting there writing like pages and pages every single day. You can, if you want, but it's not that. It's about diving in and using writing as a tool to help you so you don't even have to have like a big fancy journal or a nice pen. It's not about that. It's just get a piece of paper brain dump what's going on in your mind so that you can work it out a bit better. You might not work it out first time, but that's okay. It's about trying to even work it out, because some people will never work this stuff out. Because some people will never work this stuff out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think if you're listening to this podcast, you are someone who is keen to live a happier life, to try and connect with themselves further and to have relationships around them that are full of love and happiness, rather than bickering and judgment. So this is the type of person, I think, that listens to this sort of podcast. So you're gonna know that there's gonna be a lot of people out there that aren't gonna listen to this and they are not gonna be bothered. They are almost like they are put in our way to trigger us to make us do the work, and I don't even know if they're gonna do the work, but whether they do or not, it's not down to us. It's not down to us, it's down to them. That's their choice and it's your choice if you decide to actually try and dive into this, because we can hold on to so much in our lives and this gets in the way of communicating with those around us and when we let that sort of thing happen and build up walls for us, sort of thing happen and build up walls for us and it can.
Speaker 1:The reason why this is so important is because some of us have been in very long-term relationships, either with a lover, with friends, with family, and sometimes that wall can get built up and it is so hard to knock it down. And you might find that if you do some of this like shadow work, inner work and just trying to like generally, you maybe you're trying to get a better attitude of life, maybe you're trying to appreciate those around you or the roof over your head, the heart in your chest, you're trying to lead with a bit more appreciation and maybe the person that you're connecting with quite a lot is not doing any of this. I'm not gonna lie. That's to make it really hard, but don't give up. Okay, don't just give up, because we need to be able to meet people where they are in their life, in your life. Otherwise we won't have any friends, because we need to appreciate everyone's on different parts of their journey.
Speaker 1:So by doing that and by me saying don't give up, don't give up, I'm not saying you need to badger someone into listening to you, but I'm saying, if you start saying a little bit more, I really appreciate that. Thank you for helping me there. I saw you today. I saw how much work you did and I just want to say that I really appreciate that. If you don't get anything back, don't worry. Don't worry because it can be very uncomfy for maybe the other person to hear anything like that, because maybe they've never heard that before in their life, maybe you've not even said it to them and you want to open that door of communication and I champion you for doing that and know that you're not alone and allow these words to settle to someone else. It's like me. It's funny, right when. Allow these words to settle to someone else. It's like me. It's funny, right, when I'm about to say to you so me and my partner, we've been together for over 10 years and we don't, we don't.
Speaker 1:It's funny, right.
Speaker 1:So we don't tell each other. We love each other all the time. And some couples do. They're like I have a phone call, bye, love you, Bye, love you, we don't you, we don't, we don't do that. We've never really done that. But when we do say it, it is so powerful. And we do say thank you to each other often. We do have deep conversations often, but it's funny that we just don't say that all the time. But when we do say it, it it's there, it's so prominent. So how you live your life is so important to you. It's got to be the way you want it to be. Okay, you don't have to copy anybody else, but it's funny.
Speaker 1:Me and my mum were always like love you, love you, love you and it. But it doesn't lose any meaning either with her. So it's really funny to have these two relationships in my life, one with my mum, one with my partner, and they are both different in the same like with the same thing. They are completely different, but it's about how do you treat each other. Are you there for each other? And I, well, I do tell my partner, you know, I really appreciate that, I really appreciate you, you know. And I say this, and it's so important and I swear, since I've started doing this more he's opened up more to me and it's really interesting and like, spiritually and stuff as well, like, oh my God, honestly, if you want to meet the best manifesting person ever, it's him. Honestly, his intuition and his manifesting skills are off the chart. Like I think it was day before yesterday.
Speaker 1:He said because I don't really like lilies this is going to go off on a tangent I don't like lilies because the smell. I can't do the smell of them. And he wanted houses. He wanted flowers for his house, ready for some viewings that we've got coming up, and he wanted white and green for the kitchen. I said okay, and then I went to my class.
Speaker 1:That evening I had a student turn up and say that oh, you know, I know I'm leaving, but I just want to give you some flowers. And she gave me some flowers and they are the exact ones that he would want. And he came and picked me up. I said, oh, look at these flowers, that's what you wanted for your house. He goes yeah, they're perfect. And I was like, oh my God, how weird is that? Like he literally manifested that and just put it out there. That that's what he wanted, because he wanted to get lilies and that would have been the perfect colour. But I didn't want him to do that because I can't do the smell. And then, lo and behold, within 24 hours, boom flowers. Okay, now, this isn't a one-off. Yeah, this happens all the time. All the time, and also during our viewings.
Speaker 1:We've had quite a lot of viewings on the houses over the last um week or so, and it's been. There's been a lot of rain, a lot of rain, um, and very gray skies, and yet for each of the viewings, it's always been sunny. I'm like you are a weather wizard, how do you do it? So it's funny, right, I know there's a bit of a tangent, but I just love. I love seeing how he is spiritually and how he, how he works with his own spiritual nature, because it is a little bit different to mine and I just love seeing it. And he is so powerful, oh my god, so, so powerful, um, and it's nice to see that he's like starting to embrace that more, because I think he's starting to notice that, how he is bending his own future.
Speaker 1:But I sort of feel like I had a bit more of a spiritual awakening before him and I was coming to him and saying things like you know, oh, look at this and look at that. Oh, look at these chemtrails. It's not chemtrails, it's contrails. Oh, okay, so we had the whole conversation and now he's like look at those chemtrails although can I just say yesterday and today, at the time of filming this, there have been no chemtrails in the air and it's looked amazing. So big thanks for letting us have some clear skies.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I just sort of feel like you live your life, don't be. Don't think that you've got to like be quiet and not tell your partner how you feel, not tell people that you care about that. You care about them. You have got to say this stuff if you feel like it means something to you, because we can really build up walls particularly when we've known someone for years build up walls, particularly when we've known someone for years. We can build up so many walls and barriers that they are so hard to actually knock down, and one of the biggest ones that we build up is around sex. That's a huge one.
Speaker 1:So if you've been with a partner for a long time what that long time is is different for everyone, but long enough that you kind of feel like like maybe in the start of the relationship you're a bit more promiscuous and you were like, oh, I really like this, oh, wouldn't this be fun. And now you know, insert a load of time later and you're like I can't tell my partner what I really want, they'll judge me, they'll judge me, and you'll probably find that your partner is probably thinking the same thing I can't tell. Can't tell you what I want because they'll judge me. And this barrier, this wall that we build up around sex is huge, and I swear that's got to be one of the biggest barriers that we can ever build up.
Speaker 1:And I think that we need to make sure that that openness stays there, the openness of communication. And the best way for that is going to be to make sure that you are seen and heard within your relationship in general, because who wants to open up to somebody and talk to them about your deepest and darkest desires? Yeah, in in the bedroom, when you don't even feel like they appreciate you in everyday life. Yeah, no one, no one does, do they? I mean god, no, no. So we need to bring that appreciation in to every day, and you can even talk to your partners about this and say, look, you know, this is this podcast, it was so good, it's talked about this and have a chat with them about it and say, look, I think we need to appreciate each other more and actually show that or tell each other that and life can be so tiring, yeah, at times exhausting, frustrating, and anyone who's got children will know this more than anybody else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we need to make sure that appreciation is there. We need to not bite at each other. Oh, you're not put the bins down yet. You've got to bring the bins down. I told you to do that yesterday. There doesn't need to be actually any room for any of that. There really doesn't.
Speaker 1:If we can switch that into a more compassionate way and if you're with somebody who doesn't want to do any of this, then that's an answer. That is an answer for you. Yeah, because, again, like I said, you don't need that in your life. Life is for living, it's for appreciating and it's for loving as well. So the more we can appreciate each other in our everyday life, then that means that when we come to communicating with each other, particularly when it comes to sex, then we can take away judgment, we can take away fear, we can take away anxiety and we can let in more pleasure, more love, more compassion and more orgasms. And who doesn't want that? I mean, that'd be awesome. Again, orgasm doesn't have to be the main thing on the table. You must know that.
Speaker 1:It can just simply be slowing down and spending some time together. You might even have to put it on a schedule to carve in some time just to be together. You don't have to plan it out unless you want to. Some people love that, but you can just schedule that time in together and it might only be um, oh right, we're going to have one minute in the morning and one minute in the evening. That might be it, it, but that's okay. And you might just be like you know what, for that one minute, we're going to hug and kiss that entire time, and that might be more than what you've done in the whole year.
Speaker 1:So you can just add it in however you want, or you might be like right, you know, this night and this night each week is going to be day night, and then you put some effort into it and you don't just sit there and watch the tv together or just play a game next to each other, because it's not communicating, you're not looking into each other's eyes and this is so important because we're not always going to have the chance to look into each other's eyes. We are not going to be here forever. Neither are they and as soon as you can have that as your leading thought, that you want to appreciate them whilst they're here, then your whole life will change. It would turn around in an instant, and I am so here for that and I would champion you all the way. And yeah, we need to appreciate each other so much more in life. So I really hope that, if you take nothing else, just appreciate yourself and those around you as much as you can today.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening. If you get a chance to do a little rating or review for this, whatever you're listed on, that would be absolutely amazing. I really appreciate you. Remember, as always, to lead through your life with your heart and to live with intention. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you enjoyed this episode. Please do share it with your friends and on social media. If you have the time to rate or review this podcast, I'd be ever so grateful. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me at Jolene Sensual Bean. The links to my YouTube and to sign up to my mailing list will be in the show notes as well. I look forward to speaking with you again very soon.