Sensual Being
A podcast hosted by Jolene, tapping into your inner wildness, and how you connect with yourself, others and the world around you.
With 20 years experience teaching woman to pole dance, an addiction to Yoga, and a desire to connect with animals and be in nature, Jolene will unlock parts of your soul you didn't know needed unlocking.
This postcast covers many topics including; confidence, intimacy, kink, intentions, and becoming more aware of how we see ourselves.
Sensual Being
Ep 103 - Peeling Back the Layers of Your Sacred Onion
Have you ever stopped yourself from dancing in the rain or speaking your truth because you worried what others might think? You're not alone.
In this deeply resonant exploration of the "sister wound," we uncover how centuries of women being pitted against each other—dating back to witch-hunting times—continues to manifest in modern social dynamics. This collective trauma teaches us to view authentic self-expression as "boasting" rather than the beautiful, vulnerable form of connection it truly is.
Through personal stories from my pole dancing experience, I share how quickly playfulness evaporates when judgment enters the room. When women at a party discovered I was the professional dancer, their joyful experimentation immediately transformed into apologies and self-criticism. This perfectly illustrates how we've been conditioned to dim our light around others rather than shine together.
We also explore the lost art of genuine conversation. How many of your interactions involve discussing others rather than sharing yourselves or truly listening? Real dialogue creates a space where both people feel heard and understood—a rare and precious experience in our distracted world. These authentic exchanges become like impromptu coaching sessions, helping both people unpack their thoughts and gain deeper understanding.
Your confidence exists in layers, like peeling what I call the "sacred onion." Each time you think you've conquered your fear of judgment, a new challenge reveals another layer beneath. True confidence isn't about knowing everything; it's the courage to try new things and accept that slipping up is beautifully human.
In an era where AI threatens to replace human creativity, nurturing our creative curiosity becomes even more vital. The questions remain: When was the last time you skipped down the street or sang loudly without caring who heard? What holds you back from expressing your authentic self?
Join me in rediscovering the playfulness that makes life vibrant. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs this message, and let me know how you're nurturing your creative curiosity today.
- If you would like to connect further you can find me on Instagram @jolenesensualbeing
- You can sign up to my mailing list here: Sensual Being Mailout
- My Youtube channel: SensualBeingJolene
I hope you enjoy your day.
Jolene
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Hello and welcome to the Sensual being podcast with myself, your host, jolene Whiting. I have been a pole dance teacher for nearly 20 years. I'm also a yoga instructor and my favorite pastimes are connecting to my own sensuality, connecting with the world and connecting with animals as well. In this podcast, you'll find new and inventive ways of how you see yourself, connecting yourself with others, and also how you see and view the world around you. In this episode, we look at the sister wound, we look at nurturing our creative curiosity and also, is talking about yourself really boasting or is it actually sharing? Hello, you wonderful, wonderful sensual being, and thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. Our topic today, I feel, might tap into the sister wound and our confidence and being able to share with others in a vulnerable way, which is actually what makes life so much more beautiful when we actually open up as ourselves, to not be afraid to be ourself, and it's strange to say that even in this modern day, we are still worried about things like that. We don't always have to be worried about how we show up, but yet somehow we still are and somehow we need. We still need permission to be who we are, and I'm here to give you that permission. If you need it there, it is to be who you are, but you don't need my permission. Nobody does. You can just be you. But this really struck a chord with me in how we show up and how we can be so nervous about ourselves, because I had a pole dancing gig and yes, I know I've closed my studio, but yes, I still did the pole dancing gig and it was amazing. It was last weekend at Hotel Pelo Occo in Brighton and it was an amazing party. They always get such a good crowd in there and, as you know, I don't drink or anything but in yet I still feel like it's just a fun crowd to be in. So anyway, I was dancing on the pole and I was dancing in their suite, which has a pole now such a gorgeous room and they had different things going on in different rooms. It was a really good, really good party. But I was dancing on and off on the pole throughout the evening.
Speaker 1:But if other people wanted to come in and use the pole, you know they could. So at one of the points I was actually having a break and I was sitting in the room and some girls came in and they were like having a right little play on the pole and it was so cute to watch. Some of them had one of them had done pole before and I think she'd worked in clubs before after talking to her, and then the others had never done it before and they were just playing. They didn't know that I was there to actually dance on the pole and I was on a break. So I was just like, yeah, just cool, you know, and I was like cheering them on because they were like you know, when people haven't done it before, but then they do a move and you're like, oh my God, that's a move, you just did a thing. And so I was like there cheering them on and chatting to them and stuff, and they were just having this great time. Yeah, they were just having such a fun time.
Speaker 1:And the girl who had worked clubs before she got there, she hadn't danced in years and you could tell she'd done it before. She'd definitely done it before, like you could tell, like the way she moved, the way she held it, she had done it before. And I was like, oh my god, really cool, really cool. Look at you. Oh my gosh, you know, and just cheering them on because they were just, they were living their best life. They're being being playful with it and which is something with any of my dancing that I really love to still do is to be playful with it, because that's when you find your own style, that's when you relax.
Speaker 1:So even when I teach people things, I like them to then play with it, freestyle with it, and enjoy it, and to have that playfulness is something that we are so nervous about because we don't want to look silly or we don't want to get it wrong, and yet that is all part of learning. I don't really like the word fail, but if you look at the word fail F-A-I-L and you think, oh failed, oh failed it, you know, or something, could you argue that the word fail is a first attempt in learning, because we can't learn anything without getting anything wrong. I mean, I'm definitely the case for that right now because I'm still learning very early stages still, of playing the guitar for the last few months and it's so hard, like sometimes I get the notes and then an accord and then sometimes I don't. But it's all part of it, and if I beat myself up every time I got something wrong. I'd never stick with it, because what's the point.
Speaker 1:But anyway, after chatting to the girls a bit more, um I then, when they finished, I then started to get ready for my set because I'd been sitting there in a dress. So I took the dress off and they're like, oh, are you gonna go on the pole? And I'm like yeah. And they're like, oh, are you pole dancing here tonight? Are you the dancer? And I went, yeah, yeah, I am yeah. And they were like, oh my god, I must have looked so awful. Oh, my gosh. And then the girl who worked the club, she comes over to me, she goes by the way, please know that I haven't been on a pole for years. I haven't done this because I broke my arm you know in in this any other and blah, blah, blah. And it shouldn't break her arm because the pole. But she was telling me like her story of why she hadn't been on the pole, why she wasn't very good anymore. And the other girls were like, oh my god, we must have looked so silly. And I was like no. I was like no, you really didn't, you really didn't.
Speaker 1:I said some of you even did some actual moves that you have no idea that you actually did. And I can see them and I'm thinking, oh my god, that was a move, but they suddenly switched out of this playfulness. They were lovely, still lovely, but they switched out of this playfulness and then suddenly had to, um, like answer to me and I'm like, oh god, you know, you guys were amazing. It was. I said it's so beautiful to watch you guys having so much fun and I just love that. And that's the thing that can even get lost when you start going to some sort of a class to learn a discipline, that the playfulness can go away and that you think you have to then conform and do it a certain way, and that you think you have to then conform and do it a certain way. And particularly with dance, it's an expression of who we are, our mood, and so, no matter how many classes you go to, that expression will always be trying to come out, and that's why it's so important to keep this like playfulness.
Speaker 1:And I remember at times as well when people used to want to see a performance from me in a class, or or maybe we would. We were doing like a routine workshop and I'd be like, okay, now you've got the hang of the moves. What I'm going to do is I'm going to actually show you the routine now, and I love watching people dance. Oh my god, I absolutely love it, and particularly if it's like a routine that I've been learning. And then I watch them do it and I'm like, oh right, okay, well, that goes there. Oh, wow, that is going to work. Well. There, you know, and you get to like really see it and experience it, and I find it incredibly inspiring.
Speaker 1:But I have been hit with these sort of comments before in my sessions, not all the time. Well, I've had people say to me like and I don't right. What I'm about to say is nobody has ever came across in a catty way when they said this, but they said, oh, it's going to make all of us look bad. Now, when she goes up and does it, and I'm there about to go on and put the music on, and I turn around and I say, every time I get it, I always say to people I am not here to make you look bad, god. No, I'm here to like help you, nurture you, inspire you. You know, and I always I offer like, I'm quite happy to not show you the routine if you don't think it will help you and everyone's like no, no, no, I really really, really want to see it and I know that feeling because I love seeing other people dance. I love them putting together routines and teaching me it, so I love seeing that. So I know that people do actually want to see this. But the people who say, oh, it's going to make all of us look bad aren't going to feel really inadequate watching you.
Speaker 1:And this is really interesting as well because, because we are taught really in in so many ways of society, whether it's just through what we watch on tv, our conditioning sometimes it's teachers, sometimes even parents will put the kids down, particularly if there's jealousy, like the kid might be doing something better than the parent or the parent might be jealous of what the kid is actually doing and thinking well, I was never allowed to do that at your age. Why are you allowed to? You know, we all carry stuff in our life that we can pass down or pass on to anybody, not even just pass down. Pass on to anybody Our own insecurities, our own upset, anger, frustration and trauma in our lives. We can pass that on and it's so, so damaging when it does happen, particularly when it happens to children, because it cuts in deep, and sometimes it cuts in and they don't even know it and yet they just grow up knowing that they're no good. Yeah, we have got to be so, so careful to really try and undo any of this that we felt, and also not to pass it on to anybody else. So we are really taught that you know what we are doing is not good enough, it's worthless In some sort of way in our life, so many of us have carried this.
Speaker 1:So when people say things like, oh, oh, you're going to show me up now, I'm going to feel really inadequate. That's actually got nothing to do with me. That's not because I'm about to do something really mean, it's because they've been conditioned that, particularly when you're learning something, like I said, you've got to be playful and willing to get things wrong when you learn something. But that feeling when you get it right, when it clicks, oh, yeah, that and that's what drives you, that's what you know. Oh, I'm gonna get this. How many people have said, oh, that's my nemesis, that, but I'm gonna do it. And then, when you do get it, it's even a bigger deal. It's even a bigger deal and that's what I absolutely love about learning is when things really start to click. But a lot of people won't let themselves be messy, they won't let themselves be in that learning stage and, rather than just be in it, it's.
Speaker 1:It's almost like giving a backhanded compliment. You know like, oh, you look much better in that than I ever did. It's like, uh right. So you're saying, I look good, but you're also saying you look shit. You know which bit do you want me to tackle first, like, because none of that's really particularly nice, because you just followed it up. So someone's saying, oh, I'm gonna feel inadequate when I see you dance. It's like is that because I'm good? And that? Is that supposed to be a compliment? Are you? Do you want me to talk to you privately about how you're feeling? You know which? Which is it?
Speaker 1:It's such a weird world, but we are also very controlled in the sense of to take each other down and the sister wound is huge when you go back to, like the witch burning times and then during those times it was scary and that we're still. We're still carrying some of this with us in this lifetime. Many of us are still carrying it. It's a scary time and you might end up trying to protect yourself by ratting out your neighbor, your neighbor, and saying, oh, they're a witch. They may have even been your friend. And then you say, well, no, they're a witch, you know, and you're trying to protect yourself, you're trying to protect your family. We are taught to kind of like bring each other down, and when you've got that in your psyche as well, it makes you really scared to share who you are, and I like to think that so many of us don't have to be scared anymore. We don't have to be scared like that, in that same way and I know there is still issues that go on but we can actually be ourselves.
Speaker 1:And I do find this like a lot of time when I'm talking to people and I've had, I've had friends over the years that all they ever do, they never talk about themselves Too scary, they'll only talk about other people. Now, when you talk about other people, the chances are you know for a start, none of it's real, because it's your perception of them or what they're doing. So you're not even talking to the actual person to find out what they're doing. It's just your perception of what they're doing. So you're not even talking to the actual person to find out what they're doing. It's just your perception on what they're doing. So when you're talking to someone who's talking about someone else, it's it's almost like a pointless conversation a lot of the time, and a lot of the time it comes with judgment, it comes with like gripe with how they're living with like gripe with how they're living. It's gossiping a lot of the time and it it's not real conversation. So we are we are almost grown up like all of the dramas and the series and all the the girl talk things that I've ever seen when I was growing up. They're always talking about someone else. They're never talking about themselves and how they're feeling. They're always talking about someone else, what someone else did, what someone else is doing, and it's not real conversation.
Speaker 1:And I've had friends over the years and all they do is talk, talk, talk about somebody else. And then I've had it before or they've sort of I've spent. I remember one time I clocked it a couple of years ago and I was chatting to someone and in the two hours that we spent together I I had big news to tell her about this dog course that I had booked and she asked me once in that two hours oh, what's that like? How you doing what you know what's going on with you? And I said, oh, yeah, you know that dog course I talked about. Yeah, I've actually booked it and I'm starting it really soon and she goes all right, cool.
Speaker 1:And then she just went bluff onto the next person that she wanted to talk about incredibly judgmental and also didn't even have the time of day to even ask me anything more about it or talk to me about it, and I just sort of thought, okay, not really sure why we're meeting up, but okay, it was just really weird and I've had it before where other people just again, just talk about other people and you're like can we, can I? You know how are you? They're like, yeah, I'm all right, yeah, but what have you been up to lately? Not a lot, okay. Okay, you know we have to be, we don't have to be, but I'd like it if we were really open about who we are, how we show up and really listening in conversation. And there's been a few people that I've started to connect with over the past year and I've even said it to them and I said when we finished, like our meetup, and I said you know what I'm really starting to draw in?
Speaker 1:The people who want to have open conversation, open dialogue and really listen, not are just waiting for the next time to butt in and talk, but actually just really listen and then really discuss and ask interesting questions Like, oh, you said this, any reason why you said it like that? That's interesting. Have you thought about this, you know? And they're actually picking up on my conversation and I'm like, well, actually I did say it like that, you're quite right. Why did I say that's really interesting? Actually I hadn't thought about that. And it's almost like because we're having real conversation. It's almost like you're actually sitting there with a coach and you're coaching each other. That's what it's like to have real conversation, real dialogue and not be afraid to ask questions.
Speaker 1:Like you didn't realize you use that word. Why did you use that word? That's quite strong. What did you mean? It like that, you know, and it's so funny because you really unpack a lot about who you are and you help the other person as well, because you can say stuff back to them and you're not being like rude or anything. Why do you say it like that? It's not like that, it's like you know, it's just very picking up on each other's language and that real deep understanding of knowing if someone is okay and asking them questions that might unravel things that can help them and yourself and I.
Speaker 1:Just I'm so here for that. I'm really really here for that, because I think that sort of thing can, like really give us more confidence and really connect us more as community, because I think there's so many layers of your confidence. You might think I'm a really confident person and I can tell you now yes, I am and no, I'm not. I am in the ways I'm confident, but in things I haven't done before and have no idea about, I'd be like can you give me a bit of guidance? Can you help me? And just because you're confident in one thing doesn't mean you're confident in everything. But what confidence does? It spreads. It gives you that courage to try something new, to try different things, and the confidence to think well, it doesn't matter if I slip up. You know it's okay if I get it wrong, because it's okay, I'm just learning. And even when you have considered yourself that you've learned something, it's still okay to get something wrong.
Speaker 1:I saw someone put up a really great little story. It was only a tiny one on Instagram the other day. Um, it was a uh, kitty Villar. She put up just a little story, only a little bit, and it was enough to send a powerful message. So she was just playing around dancing on her bowl and her foot slipped and the moral of that particular story she put up, she carried on dancing and she's a performer as well, and she was just playing at home, so she didn't have to carry on. She could have stopped beating herself up, for it said why do I always do that, my god? But she carried on because that's how she learns, it's how she, you know, obviously, practices for performances as well.
Speaker 1:If you slip up, what are you going to do on a performance? Are you going to stop? No, you're going to carry on. Get on with it. You're human, you're real. So many people beat themselves up for being real.
Speaker 1:Being real and being real, I think, is one of the most beautiful and vulnerable things you can do in life. It really shows up in such a human way, and we as well are conditioned that if we are talking about ourself too much, we are then deemed as boasting, boasting. Aren't you showing off? Aren't you full of yourself, look at her full of herself. No, and I think there's very few times we really tap in to talking about ourself and also, at the same time, ideally having like an equal balance in conversation, listening and sharing with each other.
Speaker 1:The only time I was trying to think about it today. So the only time I can really think that you really are a bit more open to talking about yourself is possibly when you're on a date. When you're on a date like an early date, so you don't know the person at all, they don't know you. So you're gonna have these sort of questions back and forth, and I'm not saying you should go like really like deep and vulnerable on the first date. But when does that talking and sharing about yourself dwindle off? Does it dwindle off or do you still do it? We still, me and my partner still do it.
Speaker 1:Obviously you know what I'm like, but I think that's the only time I can really think of in our life when it's okay to talk about yourself. Tell me about yourself, you know. Tell me about this when do you work? Where do you do? What do you like? What do you work? Where do you do? What do you like? What do you do for fun, and some of them are like really difficult questions, like tell me about yourself, and you're like um, I don't know, I'm human, I'm a human being. Um, I dye my hair red, um, you know. So sometimes some questions are so open.
Speaker 1:You need to be more direct and obviously, if someone's just sitting on a date with you and all they're doing is talk, talk, talk, talk, talk about themselves they don't let you get a word in edgeway, they don't ask you anything, they don't ask you anything about what you do with your life, then, yeah, different. That's a different story as well. But we are so often taught that sharing stuff about ourself is just boasting, just showing off, and I really feel like this sort of attitude has really really shaken our creativity, our curious nature, because we just don't want to look silly. And it's so, so sad to think that this is happening. And it's happening at a time when you, in a lot of ways, can make your creativity seem really good, really effortless and really easy by using AI. You can just get rid of all your creative flow, if you want to, and get AI to make stuff for you. Oh, look at the painting I've just drawn. Look at the story I've just written and you know what you can do with it. Just, it dims your creativity so much so you can even go down the route of and I haven't done this, by the way what I, what I'm about to say.
Speaker 1:But you can use ChatGBT to like can you give me some ideas? It's what my podcast is like. Can you give me some ideas? And it'll give you some ideas. Then you say can you elaborate a bit more on this idea? It'll give you some more. It'll give you some more like inspiration. Okay, that's great. Can you write me a script? It'll write you a script. Can you make sure I speak about X amount of words per minute? Can you make it so that it will be about 30 minutes? It will do that for you. And then I'm not sure if you can actually do this, but I'm guessing you probably can, and if you can't, I bet you can soon. So my voice is like this Can you record it for me? There you go, you got a podcast. It's it's not. It's bad enough having the script written for you, but let alone actually just getting it to record in your voice. And that's coming. If it's not here already, that is definitely coming.
Speaker 1:I mean, you look at what's happened in the last couple of years online now is just like a, put it this way, it doesn't feel like a safe space from AI. I know some people will be listening to this and think, well, ai is okay, use your discernment, and I've had a few conversations recently about it and I really I'm very open to conversation about this not with ai, but about ai, um, and I find the whole thing very personally. I find it very icky because I feel like it really is taking us away from our creative flow and our creative curiosity. And if you think that we are being taken away from it in the sense of like, I remember growing up, I remember kids at school saying, oh, talking about herself, full of herself, and that was just the thing we all said to each other. It wasn't just said to me, it was how we were conditioned to almost pit each other against each other, really dim our light, and actually there's nothing more beautiful than sharing. I know they say sharing is caring, but it actually it really is, because it brings a sense of community together. It really really does, and and that's the world that I want to live in, so I'm really hoping that we can all find our creative curiosity, we can nurture it, we can be playful within our life. We take life so seriously.
Speaker 1:There's so many things that have got to be done, got to be paid and stuff, and yet when was the last time you just went out and just danced in the rain? When was the last time you skipped up and down the street? Would you go out now and skip up and down the street, or would you be worried about what other people might think about you? It's hard when you think, oh, I don't care what other people think, it's like you. Again, there's many layers to this. As I said earlier, there are many, many layers, like peeling back an onion, peeling back the sacred onion. There's many, many layers to ourself and you can think like I think particularly, we're putting out these podcasts.
Speaker 1:I, in some respect, I'm like this is fine, this is me, this is who I am, and it's okay if you don't like me, or if you like some of the stuff I say, but not all of it, that's okay. Yeah, man, that's cool, that's absolutely fine. Or maybe you love everything. I say that's cool too. But then there'll be something that will happen and I think, oh, my gosh, oh, I'm not sure if I can talk about that in the podcast. What will people think? And I think earth's another layer, it's another layer to peel away. So even when you think, oh, I don't care what other people think, challenge yourself, try it. Try something that you really wouldn't do literally skipping down the street or go out to the front of your drive and just sing a song, because why wouldn't you do that, why not like? What is holding you back? And a lot of the time it is the fear of what other people think. And, like I said, there are so many layers. We've got to keep on peeling back the layers of the sacred onion. Just keep on peeling them back, finding new layers and then peeling those back as well.
Speaker 1:I hope this episode has landed well for you. Feel free to share your creative curiosities with me. I'm always always so thrilled to see them or talk to you about them because, like I say, this life is for us to make together and I really want to make it a world where we can all be curious about our creating in life. Remember, as always, to lead through your life with your heart and to live with intention. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with your friends and on social media. If you have the time to rate or review this podcast, I'd be ever so grateful. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me at Jolene Sensual Bein. The links to my YouTube and to sign up to my mailing list will be in the show notes as well. I look forward to speaking with you again very soon.