Sensual Being
A podcast hosted by Jolene, tapping into your inner wildness, and how you connect with yourself, others and the world around you.
With 20 years experience teaching woman to pole dance, an addiction to Yoga, and a desire to connect with animals and be in nature, Jolene will unlock parts of your soul you didn't know needed unlocking.
This postcast covers many topics including; confidence, intimacy, kink, intentions, and becoming more aware of how we see ourselves.
Sensual Being
Ep 108 - The Ego Trap in Spiritual Coaching
Ever wondered if the spiritual coaching world has lost its way? What began as a genuine movement to help people connect with their deeper selves has transformed into something that often feels driven more by profit than purpose. In this candid, thoughtful exploration, I pull back the curtain on the uncomfortable reality of spiritual coaching that's been infiltrated by ego.
The "know your self-worth" messaging used to justify thousand-dollar price tags doesn't sit right with me. True self-worth isn't measured by how much you spend on courses or how much you charge others—it's about how you show up in the world today. When coaches encourage taking on debt for spiritual growth, we've wandered far from authentic spiritual practice.
Beyond the critique, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on what genuine manifesting and embodiment look like. Rather than focusing on future wealth or status, real manifesting means living with intention and purpose right now. If your dream is to help others when you "have money," start by finding ways to help within your means today. This approach of embodying who you want to become creates lasting fulfillment beyond any financial success.
Nature demonstrates true abundance—a single apple seed produces a tree with hundreds of fruits. Similarly, your capacity for growth, connection, and impact is boundless without requiring massive financial investment. The most profound spiritual insights often come not from expensive programs but from authentic connection with yourself, others, and the natural world around you.
Ready for a more grounded, authentic approach to personal growth? Join me in exploring what wealth and success really mean beyond the marketing hype. Share this episode with someone caught in the comparison trap or considering an expensive spiritual program—your recommendation might be exactly what they need to hear.
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I hope you enjoy your day.
Jolene
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Hello and welcome to the Sensual being podcast with myself, your host, jolene Whiting. I have been a pole dance teacher for nearly 20 years. I'm also a yoga instructor and my favorite pastimes are connecting to my own sensuality, connecting with the world and connecting with animals as well. In this podcast, you'll find new and inventive ways of how you see yourself, connecting yourself with others, and also how you see and view the world around you. In today's episode, we are diving in to the fact that I feel like the spiritual coaching community has been infiltrated by people who are just driven by that ego. Enjoy Hello, sensual being, and thank you so much for joining me here today on the podcast. I really appreciate you and I'm so glad to have you here on this life journey with me. Today's topic is very much one that winds me up a lot, and it has done for years, and I never really understood why before, because I used to think I was doing something wrong or that I should be doing something better, and it all came down to how I was comparing myself to other people. But it was also at the time how people were portraying themselves online. So I don't know, depends on what world you live in. You know who you surround yourself with and things like that. This includes online. Who do we follow? Who do we surround ourselves with on the online world as well as in real life? Now, in the online world, there has been a massive takeoff over the years, like, say, the past 10 years or so, of like life coaching, spirituality coaching and things like that, and I'm all for that. I think that's great, I think that's wonderful and I think it can be really helpful, but I honestly feel like it's been hijacked and it's been infiltrated by people who are just being led by their egos, but they are painting it as spirituality or like manifesting, and it's just not. It might be real in their world, but it really is real in just a handful of people's worlds. You know, people are paying so much now for like coaching with some of these people and you might be thinking, yeah, but Jolene, you're only getting a bee in your bonnet about it, because you know you're not doing that and maybe you want to do that, maybe you're jealous, you know, and, to be honest, yeah, I've gone down all that route. I think is that is that why it's giving me a bit of a gripe? Is that the reason why and I think on the whole it isn't it just it almost like it demeans oh I want to be careful of my choice of words here, because I'm going to call myself this as well it demeans the little people and a lot of these high flying coaches and stuff who are charging extortionate thousands per session time you can.
Speaker 1:I found that you can see some sort of a relation or foot in the door or you know, maybe they, there's certain circles of people that they know, you know, so they're all kind of up there, or maybe it's people who have come from some sort of like a media background or like an acting background or singing background and things like that, and you're like you've got a foot in the door somewhere, you know, and it's like, are these people actually authentic? And a lot of the time I'm hearing that people are signing up for things that cost so much money, so much money, and yet they're just getting like mediocre, you know one hour a week and things like that, but they're paying thousands for this and they're not getting much delivery for it. You know these people are really just riding off the fact of well, you know, know your self-worth? Oh hello, that's a biggie, isn't it? Know your self-worth. You know, invest in yourself because you know your self-worth. You know, invest in yourself because you know your self-worth. And it's like the more you, more thousands you invest in yourself, the more credit cards you can get and go into debt for this, but you'll be able to pay it back. You know what sort of message is that sending? And I am all for investing in myself because I'm the sort of person that if I get lump sums of money throughout my life, I will normally put it into some sort of a course of qualification learning just because I love that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:But I think a lot of the inner work we don't always need to be paying thousands, even you don't even have to be paying hundreds for it. A lot of the inner work we don't always need to be paying thousands. You don't even have to be paying hundreds for it. A lot of the time it's about dedicating time to sit with yourself, and that feels really edgy for some people, and I can tell you now, if you do that in some sort of a group, it's still going to be edgy. It doesn't take it away. It's about our own self doing the work. It's not. Oh, I've paid thousands for this. So therefore, I'm going to get good At the end of the day.
Speaker 1:The work is the same, the sitting with yourself is the same, the confronting yourself and how you are and how you show up and really addressing why do I do this, this I always seem to do this, but why and really unpacking it. You don't need to pay thousands to get that kind of insight and that's huge, and then you won't be in debt by the end of it either. So I'm very careful with these sort of things because you can really get taken in by it and, like I help a lot of people, but I don't charge thousands. I don't charge thousands for it because, to be honest, I feel like the, for example, my podcast has helped so many people because they've come to me and said all these different things and I think that's really cool. How many podcasts have you paid for? From sensual being? None, and I'm not saying I'm just giving this away for free. It is because it is something that means a lot to me.
Speaker 1:It's not one-on-one work, but at the same time, it is. You know, I'm talking to you right now and you're listening. Hopefully you've given me your undivided attention. You might also be doing 10 different things around the home all at the same time. However you choose to take this in is your choice, and that's what I mean. Like a lot of this work. Work does not have to cost an arm and a leg, you do not have to go into debt and you're not guaranteed anything by the end of these courses, and it is actually about you doing the inner work. That's what it comes down to. You know, these six figure launches and things like that I hear about and I'm just like, oh my god, I have to turn. I have to unfollow this person and turn you off and like, because it's it feels so unrealistic and it feels so ego driven, but obviously we've got to know our self-worth, so we're going to pay for it. No, no, it doesn't work like that.
Speaker 1:I kind of feel like manifesting has been taken into an unsacred space within this world, within the coaching and spirituality world. Manifesting, how it's being taken in, is manifesting all the money that you want and stuff, and it's like it you're. You know when people do this, are focused on what they don't have, and who am I to say what you're focusing on is the right or wrong thing? But to me, focusing on bringing in all the money just doesn't really sit right. But to bring in the lifestyle of what it could, what it could be, is feels more prominent. So to think of well, if you had that money, how would you live?
Speaker 1:And a big thing that I I do is I will save up my five pound notes and whenever I go into a city particularly Brighton unfortunately there's a lot of homelessness in Brighton and I will give out all my. I would just give out my five pound notes on the street to anybody who needs it. It's not my place to know if they're on drugs, if they're doing this, that and the other. To be fair, if I lived on the street, I have no idea if I'd be doing drugs and drinking or not, because I've never lived on the street before. So who am I or who are you to say what is right or wrong? But if I can help somebody in that moment, know that there is you, know this belief in humanity. We are here together to help each other. If I can help somebody who's homeless to feel like that, that means a lot to me.
Speaker 1:Now, if I end up one day with a lot of money, what do you think I'm going to do with it? I'm going to take that further. I'm going to help them more, you know, and I am embodying who I want to be, regardless of how much money I've actually got, because I that's, that's what means a lot to me. So I I'm lucky that I can choose to help people like that now, in a very small way, but I'd love to do something in a bigger scale. I'd love to help people further, but for me, I'm very much in the moment and that's what sits right with me. Um, because I also feel like a lot of people don't want to give to homeless people on the street because they think that they're this, they're down and out, they're scum and it's like no, they're not. They're just like you and me. They didn't choose. Most people anyway didn't choose to be homeless and whilst I can donate to crisis, which I also do, but whilst I can donate to there, it feels more prevalent to actually help people there and then. So, anyway, off a bit of a tangent, but what I'm saying is, that's what I can do now, and if I can get to a stage to be able to help people more in that way, then I will, but I'm not not doing it now and it feels like that just feels. It feels good to me, it feels wholesome, it feels helpful.
Speaker 1:Everyone will have different things, it might be animals, it might be children, it doesn't matter what it is but what is it for you that you want to do to help? And it might even be as simple as well. I'll give someone my time. I will go and help and give someone my time to volunteer somewhere. You know you were living in this way that if you, for example, had all that money that we as coaches promise you, yeah, but how would you live with it? What would you do?
Speaker 1:And it's not about like, if you only want money, just buy a brand new car, as in a brand brand new car. Well, why keep asking yourself why, until you get to the real point, because a lot of the time there isn't one. If you want to get the money in, because you desperately need a car, because if you get a car you can start your business, you can move to hill, you know it opens up doors. That's not about a new car, that's about a car. And there is a difference between oh, it's got to be the latest one to. I need something that can get me from a to b. If it does, I can go and visit my my sick parents more often. You know what is your, why is what's important and how can you work towards that and what is realistic to work towards as well.
Speaker 1:And I just feel like a lot of the time of manifesting it's being taken out of context. In my view, it's focused on scarcity, it's focused on a very bougie way of living, like a very like glam life type of thing, and it's like I'm not saying you can't have a glam life, but why do you want it? Find out the why Is it? Because you think that you'll be able to spend more time with your family or something? But how can you do that? Now, you know, and that's what I mean, I think we need to bring manifesting into a very real way, a very earthy way, a way that means we are living with intention and purpose in our own lives today, and not this feeling of waiting and wanting. And that's kind of who I, what I believe manifesting to be and embodying who you are. So if I had the money, I would help the homeless. Okay, well, how can I help them? Now? You know, it's that embodiment and embody means to actually actually physically and outwardly be that person that you want. So I feel like embodiment is a real big key. So it's a word that's thrown around quite a lot, but in this way I feel like it's leading with that authentic intention and purpose that you have worked out for yourself, because there's so much high expectation with these courses and you can get caught in a trap.
Speaker 1:I know people because I went to the Tony Robbins one a couple of years ago which, to be fair, it did cost a lot of money, but it I say it costed a lot of money. It was the cheapest thing that he did, but it still cost quite a lot of money. And there's some people that I met there that will, and there's some people that I met there that will are continually going on more and more of his courses because to be honest, not gonna lie, you get a rush. You get such a rush and I have worked with ways to continue that rush in my life. I don't need to keep on paying that money to go to something over and over again just to continue that rush. I will take what I've learned there and continue it in my own time. Maybe I should do another podcast episode on the things I do to create that rush. Okay, I'm going to make a mental note of that, because that's not what this one is. But, yes, I will do that one as well.
Speaker 1:But you can get caught in a trap of like oh, I'll buy your next block, I'll do it again, and do it again, and do that next one, do that next one, to feel this, because do you know what, when you start to work with yourself and sink into your soul, it becomes highly addictive. Now you might start thinking that you can only do that if you are booked onto a course but you can't make the time for yourself or you can't give yourself that dedicated practice when actually you can. But we can so often rely on outer accountability, particularly if you have a tendency more to be an obliger. Like, if you're an obliger, it's one of the most common. Out of the four tendencies, I think you've got rebel questioner. Obliger oh my God, what's the fourth one? They've been sort of put together by Gretchen Rubin. The four tendencies Upholder Sorry, I didn't mean to shout Upholder, so you've got upholder someone who just does exactly what they said, never deviates. Questioner who needs to know the ins and outs of everything before they do one thing. The rebel, who, if you tell them what to do, they ain't going to do it. They're going the opposite. And the obliger the obliger who I am as well, by the way the obliger and we all have traits of all of them, but it's the one that's the most prominent. And obligers we like.
Speaker 1:Like I set, for example, this podcast. I've set my own target with it, that I want to do an intention on a Monday morning and a fuller episode on a topic on Thursday. Now, because I've set that parameter for myself, I'm like God, I don't want to miss an episode, so I will make sure I give myself the time to do it. And it's a bit like if I was going, like I'm sometimes better, if I book a yoga class, I will go, I won't want to miss it, I will go. But if I didn't book it and I'm like I'm just going to do some yoga at home, the chances are I might not. So that's what I mean. So say, if you book to go, say if you go to the gym, and you're like, oh, I can never bother going on my own, but if Sarah's going, I always make sure I do go because I don't want to let her down.
Speaker 1:You've got that outer accountability, that outer pressure, a bit like all these like fitness dieting apps that you know, like Slimming World. You know you go and you get a weigh in. So you've got that outer accountability. It's not just you, and this is what I mean by being an obliger, so you can then think, oh well, you know I'm on these courses, but I will only do this stuff if I'm on these courses. This is where you've got to try, and it is harder, if you are an obliger, to take that power back for yourself, to give yourself that time to actually do the stuff for yourself on your own or set up a little group yourself with your friends, because there's no reason why you can't do this.
Speaker 1:But we can get so caught in a trap that we give that power away and money to somebody else, and a lot of the time that money isn't even our money, it's debt. We just put it on a credit card and pretty much most of my classes and everything I've made it very hard for any of my students to actually use a credit card, and I think that might be why over the last few years, because I changed how I did things, has made it. I've lost a few students and they haven't said why. And I think sometimes over the years it's been because I've taken that ability to pay by credit card away, because unless you're paying by debit card or bank transfer, you can't come to my class. So or you can pay cash.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I think it's made it a bit harder, but I would prefer people weren't coming to my classes and getting in debt, because what I offer is a luxury item. It should not come before food and your family. It's a luxury, it's a nice to have, but we live in a world now where we can just pop it on a credit card and that's. You know it's madness. We, the stuff that we should be putting on credit card, is if we are in need of something like food, shelter, water. You know that's what goes on your credit card if you need it, not your holiday. You know it's a hard position to be in and I get that and we all want to live these lifestyles and this is where I feel like, when we compare ourselves to people online and seeing everybody else taking all these trips or whatever, it cuts in deep and we I don't think we realize quite how hard the comparison cuts in. We really really don't, because it's been a gradual process to sort of being introduced to being online and things.
Speaker 1:And I think, if you're of my sort, of being introduced to being online and things, and I think, if you're of my sort of age, I am, uh, how old am I? I don't know 43. Yes, let's go with 43. So I remember a time when I didn't have internet, social media. You know, I remember that time where there were people growing up now who have never and will never know that time. So they have always been in this online comparison trap and I don't know if it's easier or harder for them versus people like me, because I'm still in it. I still feel it, which is why I do this podcast, which is why I bring these topics to you to stir up a conversational thought within you, because I do feel this too, and you know I go into the world of, like, trying to help people in whatever way. You know people want help, you know they can come to me.
Speaker 1:But when I see these six-figure launches and things like that and I remember there was, um, somebody I'm not mentioning any names, by the way, you ain't going to get any names out of me but there was somebody who posted up a couple of years ago to say that she did it was a 25k launch for her course or something. So she got 25 grand for launching his online course and she said that she ended up having a bit of a meltdown, really, because she just didn't feel fulfilled by it and I was like whoa, and it just hit me then like these are spiritual people who you think are doing the inner work and I'm not saying she wasn't, this was part of the inner work. Obviously this was a big learning curve, but it just means that these people that are putting all these six-fig figure launches out, five figure launches it doesn't necessarily make you happy and I think imposter syndrome must be huge, must be huge because I don't know, I'd feel like if I did a launch, yeah, and did an eight week course and launched it and I'm aiming to get 25 grand in total for it and I'm charging I don't know two and a half grand for it, I don't know, I might end up feeling like, oh my god, all these people are booked on. What am I going to give them? Am I can, I deliver, you know. So I think I mean it works both ways. It's quite a head fuck really. Um, but like I, I did, I had a mentor and she still is my mentor, really, she always will be. But I had a mentor last, last year, for three months it was actually a bit longer than that, but roughly three months and that course I paid. I worked. When I worked out, it was just under 50 pounds an hour for what she was giving us and I've got all the recordings and what she has given us is absolute gold. I mean, my voice has unlocked and I will be mentioning a name. I said I wasn't going to mention names, but Katerina Raine has done wonders, both spiritually and all background of how to actually produce songs, how to get them out into the world, how to upload them, what to do, how to do it, what she did wrong so that she can you know. So don't do what I did. I did this in the start. You know what she has given us as gold and it only actually worked out to 50 pounds an hour, just under.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be expensive. You know if people are charging hundreds and hundreds or thousands, you know, per session. You might want to rethink that, particularly if it's not even one-to-one as well, like, come on, but I think a lot of these figures are very ego driven and all this know your self worth, my self worth, is not wrapped up in money. I can tell you that now, my self-worth is how much I love, how much I want to give, how much I want to champion you, how much I want to see you happy. That's that's my self-worth is like it's not wrapped up in your own happiness, but it's wrapped up in how I show up in the world. That I want to make a footprint. That is just where you get, where you see bears like leave footprints or whatever. I want my footprint to be in the shape of a heart. You know, that's what I want in the world.
Speaker 1:I want people to know that I was here and I want people to remember how they felt when they were around me. And yeah, I'm sure there'll be some people who go oh, she never made me feel good. But sometimes I don't make people feel good, and I'll tell you that now, because sometimes I trigger the fuck out of people like a lot, because I'm just like well, I'm just here doing my thing and people hate that. It makes me laugh sometimes because people hate that. They hate that I share my voice and there's like a big thing of what she got to say, what she got to be qualified about to talk about, and I'm like, mate, it's just my life here. I am, please share yours with me too. I'm up for listening, you know, and it's it's so. Anyway, I find that funny, but yeah, so, anyway, coming back after my little giggles, coming back, um, when you want to, like, look at your wealth, yeah, what you're doing, wealth is normally like, deemed as like money. Money equals success. No, it doesn't. Um, you know that type of thing, that type of route, but I want you to bring it back to your health, your family, your loved ones, your life, your pets.
Speaker 1:How do you live? How do you actually live in this world? How do you show up? What impact are you making to the people around you? I'm not talking about having the biggest following online, not about that at all. I'm talking about you in this world today. How do you show up? How do you engage with people? When you go out, do you say hello? When you walk past people, do you keep your head down? Do you have your headphones on? We had a whole conversation about that on the headphone zombie apocalypse the other week but how do you actually move through your life with purpose? Are you looking out for other people as well as yourself? Do you look out for yourself? Do you champion yourself? This is wealth. This is wealth that will carry you through a lifetime.
Speaker 1:You can have all the money in the world, but if you're not a joy for yourself to be around, you are not going to like yourself. And you can like yourself. Dare, I say it. You can fucking love yourself. Yeah, I said it, you can love yourself. But you know you can look for if you're like, oh, you know I'm not abundant, yeah, you are. I mean, if you ever question abundance in life, I mean there's so much that people say like, oh, food is scarce. You know we're running out of time, running out of this, running out of that, running out of time, running out of this, running out of that.
Speaker 1:Look into nature for abundance. And we are nature as well, don't forget. But look into nature. So you've got an apple on an apple tree. An apple tree normally produces God knows how many apples. There's so many on our current apple tree at the moment, hundreds of apples.
Speaker 1:That apple tree grew from one seed. One seed it took to grow that one apple tree with hundreds of apples. That apple tree grew from one seed. One seed it took to grow that one apple tree with hundreds of apples. Each of those apples on the tree would normally have about four or five seeds in them. Can you imagine if we planted all of those seeds how many apples would we have? And that's just apples.
Speaker 1:Abundance is all around us. We see the trees shed their leaves and then they come back with new leaves at the turn of spring and they've gone stark through winter but they grow again. They grow and it's just like they are just doing their thing and the abundance of them is just amazing. When you start to look into nature for abundance, she is always given to us. Even the weeds in your lawn are actually a godsend. They actually have purpose. You know everything is here to help each other. You know how everything like survives by what they eat. It's magic and we are a part of that system. We're not exempt from that.
Speaker 1:But I just wanted to make sure that you know your real self-worth, and it ain't about money and it's not about how much money you spend on yourself. It's about the impact of how you are in this world today, right now. And do you know what? If there's something you're not happy with about how you show up, maybe you've got a pattern that you just keep doing and these sort of patterns can hold up. A other episode here, but it can come back from. You know how you were brought up, what you went through at school, what you went through with your parents Everything has impact in our life of how we've grown up, particularly in those first years of being young.
Speaker 1:But you can unpack that and you can work out, okay, why I always seem to get jealous. Do you know what? I'm going to make the bold move of unfollowing that person or not seeing that person for a while, or even like I'm going to go and talk to that person about something and actually taking matters into your own hands and not like just trying to outsource it to somebody else. You can actually unpack this stuff and it's interesting, right, somebody else, you can actually unpack this stuff and it's interesting, right, because I have had people come to me and say, oh, do you do spirituality, coaching and stuff? I'd really like to hire you and I'm like, oh, this is really cool and it's come from people who are actually quite close to me. And I'm like, oh, that means a lot and it's funny because what I then see online, I am not happy with that and I'm like, god, is that gonna be me? I don't want to do that. So you know, that's not how I want to help people.
Speaker 1:But, as a side note, I am doing a qualification this year another course, love a course, um, but it's in, uh, forest therapy, because I imagine that how I would like to help people, either one-on-one, or I would really like to get people outside in nature, around plants, around trees, and forest therapy really ticks a box for me. So I am going to be embarking on that. It starts next month, I think July. Yes, it starts next month. So that's going to be really exciting because that really really does tick a box. And do you know what? Even if I don't end up using it, it's the sort of course that I think I'm just going to love this.
Speaker 1:Do you want to know what one of the homework assignments is? Yeah, one of the homeworks is you have got to go on a five hour solo trip into the forest and I'm like I am so up for this. This is, this is my type of homework. This is my type, of course. I'm so up for this qualification, um, but yeah, so perhaps towards the end of the year you might see some different offerings from me, but either way, just know that there's nothing stopping you diving in to yourself right now.
Speaker 1:You can do that, and if you've not really done it before, it's magic. You are magic. So remember, as always, to lead through your life with your heart and to live with intention. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with your friends and on social media. If you have the time to rate or review this podcast, I'd be ever so grateful. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, you can find me at Jolene Sensual being. The links to my YouTube and to sign up to my mailing list will be in the show notes as well. I look forward to speaking with you again very soon.