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Pastor to Pastor
Marriage For Life: Submission, Leadership, and Lasting Love (Ep 2)
Unlock the true essence of a harmonious marriage by exploring the often-misunderstood concept of submission through a biblical perspective. Together, we will unpack the wisdom found in Genesis and Ephesians, shedding light on the importance of "leaving and cleaving." This transition, as couples step into their new roles, is vital for fostering a thriving household where marital issues are appropriately managed within the family circle. With engaging stories and personal insights, we reveal how the roles of husbands and wives are not about hierarchy but about mutual love, service, and respect.
Discover what it truly means to live out the roles outlined in scripture, where submission is a heart-driven, voluntary act and husbands lead with their wives' best interests in mind. Through vivid anecdotes, we illustrate the difference between cultural norms and kingdom principles, urging a return to the fixed and scripturally perfect design for marriage. This conversation isn't just theoretical—we provide practical insights on sharing household responsibilities and ensuring open lines of communication, essential components for any marriage to flourish.
As we wrap up this heartfelt exploration, we emphasize the mutual joy and fulfillment that can be achieved when couples prioritize each other's happiness and work together as a team. By drawing on Christ's example of sacrificial love, we highlight the importance of intentionality and shared goals in nurturing a strong marital bond. We also underscore the power of compatibility, vision, and the complementary nature of men and women in marriage. Concluding with a blessing from Numbers 6:24-26, we leave you with hope, encouragement, and anticipation for enriching future episodes.
hey, what's up family? It's back again for another episode of pastor the pastor, pastor seth, right here across from me, you see, and pastor jason watson. What's up everybody the house? I'm super excited. You know it's cold outside, jay, it's a little bit. It's a little bit. I think it was like 20 degrees this morning when we woke up, and it's probably colder to me than it is to you. Oh, what you trying to say? Your beard sticker?
Speaker 2:Oh, my beard sticker. Yeah, yeah, definitely going to be the beard little sticker. There you go.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I'm excited. Last week we hope everybody had an amazing Thanksgiving, spent time with your family, with your friends, and I really just enjoyed the company and the warmth of that love and so we took a break last week to do the same thing and did you overeat, did you sin?
Speaker 2:Let me just ask you that let's move on.
Speaker 1:Next question, next question I had mac and cheese three different times that day.
Speaker 2:It was bad.
Speaker 1:But listen, we're super excited. We're in really our second episode of our marriage conversations and today we're going to be talking about marriage God's way. What does that look like? How do we make sure that our marriage is in a healthy place and really the topic? It's like a Christian cuss word submission. Submission what does submission look like in god's way in a marriage? And uh, here's the truth. We live in a, in a society now, and just really, where generations are coming, where nobody wants to submit to anything or anybody.
Speaker 2:No authority, no, nothing. Nobody wants to submit anything. I mean, there's even, and it's really kind of the bible fulfilling itself. It talks about, in the latter days, how people be, be lovers of self and things of that nature. Man, they are anti-submission almost to the fullest at this moment.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, well, we got a word for you, jason. Tell them where we're going back to the Bible.
Speaker 2:Hold on one second, come on back to Bible. We're going to the Bible.
Speaker 1:If you open up your words with me today.
Speaker 1:We got some scriptures, because we believe that the best thing we can do is give you some biblical foundation for this topic, which is really hard for a lot of people to understand, and we're going to hope to break it down in a way that's easy to be applied and understood for husbands and wives. So Genesis 2, 24 through 25 says this this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united as one. Now the man and his wife were both naked but felt no shame. Man, that's a good marriage right there, my God. Well Of naked felt no shame. God is good son.
Speaker 2:They didn't have any children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right. So leaving and cleaving lot is good, son, they didn't have any children yeah, that's right. So leaving in cleveland. It kind of underscores the transformative nature of our marriage. It's really the first thing that shifts in our marriage. From leaving our parents, leaving the comfort of that home, and come and building our own family is highlighting what we would call a shift of priorities and allegiance. It's not just a physical separation and, uh, what we do I don't know how you kind of, if you talk about this in marriage counseling or premarital counseling, we talk heavy on this because what we find out is a lot of daughters will run to mama or a lot of mama's boys will run to their mom when there's a problem in the marriage. What we realize is this is how we put it. Just think about this If I have an issue with my wife and I go tell my parents, nobody's going to love her the way that I love her, right, and so when I reconcile with my wife, we're good.
Speaker 1:But your parents still have a thought and a feeling towards. They didn't hurt their baby Exactly, and so it's not just healthy for your marriage, but it's also healthy for the reputation that you're allowing to happen to be created with your, with your family. And so there's a very important part here of leaving and cleaving that we just need to start with. If you, if you take every problem to someone on the outside of your marriage, you're already setting your marriage up for problems. You're already set in an unhealthy environment. Keep your problems in the house, leave and cleave, amen.
Speaker 2:Amen, go ahead.
Speaker 1:So let's break down submission, genesis 2.18. Then the Lord said it's not good for men to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. Helper in the Hebrew is ezer. It means superior or equal. So when we think about submission we think of one that is above or one that is below, but in God's eyes it's a lot deeper than just that. So Hebrew for submit is a verb. It means that we apply, we serve, we are present and we are bringing near or bringing close. It's not a looking down, it's not a, you know this really huge authority looking down on someone when we talk about being submissive or just someone like that. So Ephesians 5.21 through 33, I think yep 33, it breaks down what spiritual guided relationships look like and it breaks down this reality of submission to one another in relation to Christ and his submission and his love to the body of Christ and to his Father. And so let's break this thing down a little bit. Read that first one. I got right there, jay.
Speaker 2:What you got In the original writings, the verb there it is a italic, italics. I'm sorry, let me get my words right here. It's all right, uh, because it's not in the greek text, but it is carried over from verse 21 in the old text. Being subject to one another in the fear of christ is a result of being filled with or controlled by the Spirit.
Speaker 1:Right. So first thing is to submit biblically to your husband. You must be in submission to the Lord, right? This is what Ephesians 5.22 says. Right, it says wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. So what Jay just taught us is that to be subject to one another. In the original Greek, what that means is that you are being filled or controlled by the Spirit, so you're not controlled by your emotions, you're not controlled by your own feelings. Let's be honest.
Speaker 2:Let's be honest, this is funny.
Speaker 1:Which is a Christian itself.
Speaker 2:I was actually man. I listen to the Bible, sometimes going to work, Of course, just outside of reading.
Speaker 1:I know you struggle to read, so that's okay.
Speaker 2:No, I like to have the Bible read because it gives you the opportunity for me this is my brain, it's Jason's brain, right it gives me the opportunity to think about Scripture as it's being and I know people read, I read this way too, but I don't know something about hearing the word read to you, just kind of, and it feeds me a little different, on different wavelength. And so as I'm listening to scripture I think it was probably monday, maybe tuesday I'm driving to work and I'm listening to scripture and it talks about in the book of acts how people would strum up people, would strum up people to speak against jesus right, and they would apply, they would apply pressure emotionally, try to get them strummed up emotionally to speak out against Jesus. The same thing happens to Stephen. They go, when they strum up these people to talk out, to lie against, to speak against. So when you are led by your emotions, you are an easy target for the enemy to use you in a way that is counterproductive for the way that God is trying to use us.
Speaker 2:That's right and it's hard for you to submit. Yes for sure. Yeah, you're not submitted to the Lord.
Speaker 1:When you're acting out of emotion, you're submitted to your emotions and so true submission starts first with being submitted to the Lord Right, and if you can't submit to the Lord, you'll never be able to submit to your spouse Right. This is what some translations say means to be controlled by the Spirit. Be controlled by the Spirit so as to the Lord. The latter part of that verse, let's break this, let's exegete Scripture right here Amen.
Speaker 1:And so it does not mean that a wife is to submit to her husband the exact same way she submits to the Lord. Okay, we are imperfect. The Lord is perfect. Okay, Husbands are not. Okay, I always forget to. You know, take out the trash. Everybody in our circle knows I struggle with it Like I'm going to fail. It's not. Scripture is not comparing us to God, Right, but he's saying that you need to try your best to submit as unto the Lord, as unto the Lord. What Paul's saying is that submission to your husband is part of obedience to the Lord. See, this is where we've got to change.
Speaker 2:Our wives have to change the way of thinking, the renewing of the mind, yeah the renewing of the mind.
Speaker 1:So, in reality, if you're fighting against the idea of being subject or submissive to your husband, your attitude reflects that you are really fighting against the Lord, who ordained this order in marriage. So I don't know about your wife, anna, but my wife, she is very opinionated, she is very authoritative and she had to learn to shift that in our marriage. Now it's not that you eliminate your thoughts, you eliminate your opinion. But what you understand and we're going to talk a little bit more in depth about it is that you're still subject to your husband. That's how the God ordered it. A yielded heart Watch this, women A yielded heart to the Lord creates a submitted heart to his order. So the more I yield to the Lord and his teaching, the more I can yield to his heart and the structure of marriage and how it was created. So let's look at the second thing we learned through this scripture To submit biblically to your husband, you must recognize he is in fact your head. Why don't you read verse 23?
Speaker 2:for us Verse 23. Yeah, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.
Speaker 1:So verse 23,. What Pastor Jay just read. It explains the reason why he says verse 22. Paul doesn't say that he should. He said that he is the head and the fact of the husband headship. What this means is that there are gender-based roles in marriage as ordained by God. Now, of course, we're not just talking about cooking and cleaning and all that kind of stuff. We're talking about a greater divine order and structure. So while there is this sense in which all believers submit to one another right, it's Ephesians 5.21. Everybody should submit to one another there is another sense in which wives submit to their husbands. But husbands, do not hold your stones and rocks in your hand, okay, husbands do not submit to their wives in certain lanes. When it comes to being head of the house, when it comes to making spiritual decisions in the home, there is a lane that the husbands will always make that ultimate decision. But the husbands don't get too excited right now because we're going to deal with you in a minute.
Speaker 2:We're building a foundation. We're getting ready to start on the house. Don't jump out yet.
Speaker 1:If your wife's beside you don't be like mm-hmm. You know, every time you read this passage, the husband's like no, no, no. See, and we're going to get it to where, really, the pressure is more on the husband than it is the wife.
Speaker 2:So we're going to break this down. Don't get ahead of us.
Speaker 1:It's significant that whenever the New Testament addresses the subject of Christian marriage, it always commands the wife to be subject to her husband, but never commands the husband to be subject to your wife. Just some scriptural references, because we believe in that Colossians 3.18, titus 2.4, 1 Peter 3.1 justify the statements that we're making right now. So let's look also in the New Testament, the statements that we're making right now. So let's look also in the New Testament. It commands for wives to submit to their husbands, and they are addressed to the wives, not to the husbands. This idea of submitting. So the Bible never commands a husband to command his wife to submit, because true submission is not something that you should have to command. It's a matter of the heart, right? Because my life is submitted to Christ, my heart is submitted to his heart and I'm going to be a part of what god has called me to be, and it comes to this christian marriage. So, rather, the headship of the husband is is a fact. The wife is to respond to the lord, who designed marriage in this way, by willingly submitting to her husband.
Speaker 1:Now we look at the culture that we're in, right, this is a very culturally dominated and culturally determined role that you know we are free to discard a lot of times because it doesn't just fit into our culture. Right, it's all about me. I'm going to keep it 100. I'm going to keep it real. I'm going to speak my mind. I'm going to do this. I don't need a man. How many times you heard that?
Speaker 2:It's interesting, man, because for all of those saying they don't need a man, there's one who wants a man to do everything, as long as they do it their way. That's right. That's right. He got to have six figures, he got to be driving a nice car, he got to be set up for retirement, he got to be doing all these different things, but anyway, yeah, that's the culturally driven.
Speaker 1:It's back and forth man.
Speaker 2:It's pretty wild.
Speaker 1:You look at the original design, god could have created Adam and Eve at the same instant, but by speaking the word same way, he did everything, but he didn't. He created Eve out of Adam. From that fact, paul concludes in 1 Corinthians 11, 9, for indeed, man was not created for women's sake, but the woman's for the man's sake. What does it say? The woman was created to be a helper. She was a helper suitable for him to assist him in his God-given task. So the roles in marriage are not culturally determined. Watch this it's ordained by God at creation. Yeah, I mean, don't miss this, don't miss this. It's not. Culture doesn't determine roles and culture doesn't determine that stuff, because you're no longer.
Speaker 2:you're a kingdom culture. Right, there's a difference between the world's culture and kingdom culture.
Speaker 1:You can't belong to the king but not adhere to his culture.
Speaker 2:That's right To his laws, which his word is hey, watch out now the law.
Speaker 1:Come on, we whoo that guy right there will preach son Come on somebody. Hey, so specific duties in a household, they're flexible, right. There are times where I do dishes, there's times where I do laundry, because here's the thing.
Speaker 2:The ultimate goal is that and we teach this like Anna and I have this thing hashtag Watson because we're one team, one fight, right. If one of us fail, both of us fail Exactly, and so if I fail, she fails, she fails, I fail. So we are constantly doing whatever we need to do. If she can't do dishes that day, that's right. Yes, in fact, last night she cooked breakfast for dinner.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, you know that's a blessing. I had some grits and I had some eggs last night and some bacon.
Speaker 2:And so she's like hey, you know, would you mind, you know, grabbing the dishes for me? I'm going to do some? Yeah, absolutely, Because she cooked dinner. This mentality, look, if I say no and she ends up not doing the dishes, it's still my house, it's still our house together. And now we, together, have dirty dishes sitting in the sink.
Speaker 1:And see even that story that you just told. I mean it fits perfect in what we're teaching when we try to get these men that don't get big-headed by what we're saying right now when it says that God never commands a man to submit to his wife. In what we've read so far, the truth is this is that there are certain lanes that you do submit. Yeah, you know, and that's one of them. You know you're fulfilling the need right when you get married. You don't get married to make yourself happy. Yeah. You don't get married to have a servant yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so let's let's look at so specific duties in the household. They're flexible and can be worked out in marriage for the mutual good of the couple. Pastor, j just talked about how that worked for them last night. But the role of the husband as head and the wife as subject to him are fixed by scripture. Now we're talking about christian marriage. We can't we can't expect this to happen in marriages where people are unequally yoked or where people are just not following the biblical law and the biblical standard, but as two Christians being married together. You should be okay with God's design, absolutely, because this is what we know to be true. God's design is perfect. That's right, his blueprint for marriage is the best way, perfect.
Speaker 1:So just as Christ's headship over the church means that he's the authority over the church for her good, so the husband has authority over his wife for her good. So headship means authority, ephesians 122. It's referring to an order of authority and Paul writes this in 1 Corinthians 11.3. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ. So let's look at this really quick. In just a minute we're going to really break this thing down about leadership.
Speaker 1:Buckle up, men. We're coming at you, okay. Biblical authority is never given for the advantage of the one in authority or so that he can dominate those under authority. Rather, god delegates authority for the blessing everybody say blessing and protection of those under authority so that they will become all that God wants them to be. Your authority should never be a shout down. Your authority should be used to build up and be a blessing to your spouse. It should be you're leading, you're guiding, you're directing. Also, the one in authority is accountable to God for those under his authority.
Speaker 1:So this doesn't mean that a husband must make every decision. But watch this. But he is responsible for every decision that is made in his house and in his marriage. So if he is negligent with that responsibility or he abuses it because we see this very completely, overly abused if he abuses his authority for his own advantage in his marriage, he will answer to God yes, every decision. So you think it's okay? Did you know the weight for the husband with the authority? He has to actually use it the proper way. God's way in his marriage has more, uh, a weight on it than the wife's weight to submit. Why? Because she answers to you, but you will answer to god. That's right. You will answer to god for every decision that you make and everything that you allow in your house, and what we teach is this is that leaders take responsibility absolutely, yeah, state responsibility.
Speaker 2:That's one of the visions of our church, you know, as, as the body of christ, we lead by example, absolutely, and that's what our leaders do we lead by example.
Speaker 1:Yep, and we have the same kind of same lane here at Reliant Church. We tell our leaders that if someone on our team drops the ball or makes a mistake, we don't push the blame on them, right, we actually take ownership. You know, if my wife drops the ball at her duties at the church, um, I don't go either. I take the responsibility. So you know, what could I've done better? How could I better trained? How could I've had a bit more clear with things? And it's not that they didn't do anything wrong, but you know what? We? We are the one in authority, we're the one that is responsible. So we take the, we take the blame, we don't push it. That's leadership 101. Absolutely, be very weary if you've got leadership, that every time something goes wrong, they're looking for somebody to throw under the bus.
Speaker 2:I shared this earlier. We have chapel here on Wednesdays and we record on Wednesdays. We have chapel here for the kids and we're talking about the fall of man, human nature, culture and human nature. Is this Fallen nature, is this that we blame other people? Because what happens when Adam and Eve eat of the tree? God shows up. They're hiding and he says where are you? It's kind of a I always think that's kind of funny Like God doesn't know where Adam and Eve are, but he says where are you?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And Adam's like where are you? Yeah? And adam's where are you? We're hit, we're hiding, right. And he's like why are you hiding? Because we're naked, right.
Speaker 1:And he's like uh, who told you you were naked? Who told you that right? And then?
Speaker 2:and then he says did you eat the tree I told you not to eat from? And then what does adam do? The first thing he does is blame eve. Yeah, well. Well, that woman you gave me lord, that woman you made me made me eat the spawn of satan yeah, and then what does he go to Eve and what does Eve do she?
Speaker 1:blames the serpent. That's right.
Speaker 2:So they are shifting blame. They're shifting blame away from when Adam should have been like. In my opinion, adam should have been like Lord. We failed.
Speaker 1:We messed up.
Speaker 2:We made a mistake. I wasn't governing, I wasn't leading. But no, he shifts blame to eve, eve shift blames of the serpent and anyway. So that's just even from the very beginning.
Speaker 1:Like adam should have took responsibility yep, so what I'm getting ready to say is a very bold statement, okay now we didn't really discuss this, so I'm curious to see how you feel about this.
Speaker 1:Okay, when we talk about how the man has the responsibility, he's in authority, he. He's the one that answers for the decisions that are being made in his marriage and in his home and in his family. I believe that the husband is responsible in determining the overall health of a marriage. What I mean by that is we look at all these divorces. We look at all these divorces. We look at all these things. Could divorce rates be plummeting? Lower and lower and lower than what they are? If the man in the marriage and in the home would actually take the authority and the role that God gave him and actually focus on leading them the proper way, could we avoid all these divorce rates? I believe so, because if we are responsible for our marriages and we're the ones that are in authority, we should make sure the communication is there, we should make sure the intimacy is there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which communication I think is the biggest part? Oh, next week we're hitting it yeah next week.
Speaker 1:We're hitting it next, next week, is the two c's of marriage communication and compromise. We we're going to go heavy and hard, but when we look at the overall health of a marriage, that falls. Now, of course, you can't control everything, but a good chunk of it falls on the husband. This is what I tell people. We just did this for life group. I said, husbands, you should go to your wives at least once or twice a month and say how are we? Let's do some health checks. What are some things we need to change in our marriage? How do we feel like we're healthy? Do we need to go get more, date more.
Speaker 1:Do we need to talk more? What do you need from me? That's what good leaders do. My pastor used to tell me this inspect what you expect. And so same mentality in marriages. I believe that if we continue to live in a place of divorce, you need to look at the husband, Christian husband. We should be looking at them and saying, okay, how have you been leading your home? Obviously you haven't had your hand in it at all, you haven't been engaging it, you haven't been talking about communication, the level of intimacy. So I believe you may not agree, but I believe they play a huge role in the overall health and sustainability of their marriages.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I have to agree, because the biggest problem I think you'll find is when a woman doesn't have anything to help with, she takes over. Oh, absolutely. And so when you don't have a Habakkuk, I think and I'm trying to, I'm recalling right now Habakkuk 2.2 or 2.3 says to write a vision, make it plain so that those who see it can run with it. If you don't have vision for your family, if you don't have a mission, if you don't have an intention, if you're not purposeful in what you're trying to do and what you're trying to create, then everybody just kind of goes in chaos and they go with what the world gives them and with what they want to do, instead of what the vision is. It's like writing a budget. If you don't have a budget to go by, you just spend however you want to spend, and then you're like what?
Speaker 1:happened? Where did our money go?
Speaker 2:All these Red Bulls are taking all my money at $5 a pop right, that's right yeah yeah, mean, if you, if you are not intentional, if you don't, what did god do when he created that and he gave him a job?
Speaker 2:right, like he's like all right, let's name all these animals. Yeah, let's, let's, let's work. I mean, even when he kicked him out, work the ground. I mean he gave them jobs and and if you have people who are wandering and not doing anything, they're not led, they have no intent, no purpose in life, they don't know what's going on. No vision, no direction. People without vision perish. Yep, that's right, but I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and you know, me and Taylor had this thing where in the past, if we've gotten so busy you know how ministry is get so busy, we don't spend a lot of time together she'll say I really feel like a roommate. Yeah, and you know, if I'm being a good husband and I'm doing my role the way I should, she should never have to come to me and say, hey, I feel like a roommate Like she. She should never. I should be so connected and involved in my duties as head of her and the home that I'm well aware of where we are in our marriage before she has to complain and I know that takes time, that takes intentionality, but it's the truth we are the ones that it's going to fall back on.
Speaker 2:Relationships are work.
Speaker 1:Yes, marriage is work, absolutely. We talked about that last week. Marriage is work. We threw that in there. Marriage is definitely work.
Speaker 2:Inspect what you expect and you have to be intentional in your job. To succeed in your job, to succeed in your career. To succeed, you have to be intentional in your marriage. For it to succeed, yep, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Ephesians 5.23. For a husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He's the Savior of his body dying on the cross, the church. Let me just say this just to piggyback on what we just talked about I'm not trying to toot my own horn, Toot your horn.
Speaker 1:But, I love to be a person who practices what we teach. Yeah, and I just talked about how we should be able to. Taylor shouldn't have to come to me, I should know where we are. This week and last week was very ministry heavy and I knew that we weren't spending as much time. We try to every night to spend time together. But I knew that we needed more than that. So I made arrangements to go on a date, saturday, like I have something for Levi to do and stuff. And this morning, um, I was leaving, she hugged me, gave me a kiss. She's like I just feel I haven't seen you and and I knew it was going and I said it's okay, I've got a date for us on Saturdayvi's taking care of I can't wait. And just lit her up like she's like are you kidding? I was like no, absolutely. She's like. She's text me an hour later like I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm talking about being able to have a pulse on where your marriage is. That's what good husbands do and head of the home. And so husbands must sacrificially give themselves to the church. Right, that's what christian for husband is the head of the wife is. Christ is head of the church. What did he do for the church? He gave his life for it. He sacrificed everything for it. That's what we do.
Speaker 1:So, husbands, we want to brag on our positions when somebody says that scripture wise, submit to your husbands. And we want to make demands in our home, but we aren't even keeping up with the authority and responsibilities that we were given. Wives submit as unto the Lord. Husbands, love as Christ has loved the church. Husbands, the more you look and act like Christ in your home, the easier it is for your wife to submit to you. Don't expect your wife to hold up her end of the bargain, and you're not. This is not how you'll find yourself in a very dark pit and probably end up alone If you cannot hold up what God has intended you to do while actually trying to make her do it. We are the examples of what submission looks like, and look and where we are today in culture.
Speaker 2:It takes two jobs for you to do anything in life like, like right now in in the middle class. It takes both of you working. You expect her to work all day and come home and clean and cook and do all the things while you sit on video games and play all night Right. Not feasible, right? You expect her to do something you won't do, right, and that's not leadership. Yep, that's not feasible. That's not leading your home.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you know we talk about communication. We're going to hit it heavy tomorrow, I mean next week, but you know communication, we believe this can solve 90% proper communication solve 90% of your problems and it might be even higher than that percentage-wise. But you know I used to do that, what you just said. I used to get Levi to bed and the house still be a mess. Taylor's in the kitchen and I'm playing the game.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know what I used to be. That way, taylor would say do you not see this? And it became arguments. And so we sat down and talked. She said I don't mind if you play the game, but at least ask. If there's anything that you can do to help, at least ask and see. That is us. We got to stop making our marriage about what they can do. We just talked about it.
Speaker 1:But, it's about submitting. We submit to the Lord, we serve. That's what Christ did. He sacrificed. I can sacrifice 15 minutes of my game time or whatever I wanted to do To pick up clothes.
Speaker 2:Pick up clothes or to help Put the dishes up or whatever Whatever's going to help the team, because ultimately, you are together a team.
Speaker 1:That's right. It's a great way to look at it. So, to submit to your husband, you must understand what biblical submission is and what is not. So biblical submission is the attitude and action of willingly and wholeheartedly respecting, yielding to and obeying the authority of another. So let's really quickly break down what submission in marriage looks like. And, of course, ephesians 5.33, you can go back and look at it it talks about respecting your husband.
Speaker 1:So a large part of submission involves respect. We know men are men of respect. We want to be respected, we want to be honored. If you can respect your husband nine times out of ten, he's going to do anything for you. If he feels heard, he feels respected. Respect looks a lot like encouraging, not attacking, putting down, but building up. If he makes a mistake, gently correct, which is what Scripture says. There's a Scripture we're going to read at the end that talks about how the woman should gently bring her husband back. Gently do that. Uh, then you have. Submission includes the desire to please the one over you, and I'm not talking about sexually. Okay, all right, sex does not make marriage happy. Okay, sex is a very small portion.
Speaker 2:There's a difference between happiness and joy. That's the truth. And anyway, go ahead, we're going to move on.
Speaker 1:So, as husbands, we are imperfect and in our imperfect way there is a way to respond and even correct. So rather than trying to please, we try to win. Let me just show you this Just a little look in our marriage. One time, taylor and I were in an argument in a text, and I quit texting her Text me yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, like 30 minutes later, from me not responding, she says well, looks like I won that one, and I was so convinced I'm not even the one that said it, but I was so convicted. Why do you think the Lord convicted me? Because I'm the head of the house, I'm the one responsible. He convicted me and said if either one of you leave a conversation thinking you won, you both lose, right, you both lose. Why? Because we don't communicate in a way to win. We communicate in a way to understand, right, and so we're trying to please. We try to please the one that is over you. When you have a boss and you're in, you're an employee, right, you do what you can to make your boss happy. It's the same way. I'm not saying I'm her boss, yeah, but in the how the church is built, I mean the marriage is built biblically. That's how it works.
Speaker 2:Imagine what your relationship would be like if you were both, if your goal was to please the other person.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You both would be happy.
Speaker 1:You both would have joy.
Speaker 2:It would be a fulfilling relationship. Yep.
Speaker 1:And the hardest, the hardest season to do that is first, when you first get married Right, because you really don't understand marriage at all. No, don't understand marriage at all. No, no absolutely not.
Speaker 2:But as you get older, like you've been married. How many years now?
Speaker 1:uh, 18 18, we just celebrated nine, so you're you're twice the time in it because you're old and uh, but it took years for us. I just probably would you guys really understand this man.
Speaker 1:And so let's look at the last one really quickly, and then we're going to talk about husbands really quick. Submission doesn't imply the passivity, so a wife can be submissive and still actively try and influence her husband. You find this in scripture, in first peter 3, 1 through 6. The wife whose husband is disobedient to the lord is not told to be passive and not influence him. Rather, she is told how to influence him by her being a gentle spirit and to bring truth with love. Ephesians 4, 15 talks about it. You must be Christ-like in your leadership, so be someone. Husbands that are worth submitting to, yeah, and wives you can correct, you can influence your husband to make better decisions. Hey, you know what? When I think of a husband, this is what I think you should be doing, this is how I think. Like it's okay, but I think you can do better in these ways. Do it in a gentle spirit. It's what Scripture says. Move your emotions aside. We talked about it again. Move your emotions aside and just take it in a way that they can be heard.
Speaker 2:And it just makes me think too. You know like and I've obviously I've shared this before with single people, or our single brothers and sisters you should be asking that person who you're courting, who you're dating. I'm going to take it back old school, you're courting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're courting, you know whoever you're talking to your, your question with them should be what's your vision and what's your goals? What are you trying to achieve in the next right, you know, five years? What are you trying to achieve in the next 20 years, right? What's your end state? What are you trying to do? Because, if they don't have a plan, how you expect them to lead you? That's right. I'm just just a question, right? I mean, these are things you can think of preemptively, right, and and no, if you don't have a plan, we either need to develop one, and if you can't stick to it now, you're gonna stick to it later easy man, that's right oh boy, I swear, look at that boy.
Speaker 1:That thing was wanting to move it was filling him right amen, he's gonna give you a little amen a little wave yeah, hallelujah. So let's continue on while jay was trying to work on this camera and stuff. But submission means that after a thorough, honest sharing of opinions, if there is still a disagreement, the wife must go along with the husband's decision as long as it's not sinful. Now, that's going to be tough for some women to hear.
Speaker 2:Well, and here's the truth too, we live in a culture where you pick the one you follow. That's right. I mean, at least like in India, our brothers and sisters over there, and some other countries, the parents pick the spouse Right. But here in America, you pick the one you want to follow.
Speaker 1:Yep, remember we look at submission through the biblical lens. Right, whether you disagree or not, the ultimate decision you submit to is the one that your husband makes. But listen to me, note this, husbands okay, don't. Don't tighten up your pants real tight right now and get all big and bad and puff up your shoulders. You will answer to God for the decision that you make, and so you husbands should only override your wife's objections to a decision after much prayer and with fear and trembling. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Here's the way you have to view I don't think it's the way you should view your spouse. They are helping you. They are helping you. Anna sees things that I never see, oh, absolutely, and so I would be ignorant to consider doing things without her input. Yeah, because there are I'm even in leading sheep, I mean there are things I don't think about, um, and so when we have a conversation with her, she's going to point out to me the pitfalls. I can expect that. Yeah, because that's how she views things.
Speaker 2:She's wired differently, and she's wired differently for a reason. God didn't wire us the same. Most men are big picture kind of people, and women are small detail people, like, okay, you want to go from A to Z, but you've got 23 other stops you got to make along the way, or 24 other stops you got to make along the way that we don't typically see. So they are wired, they are. They are wired that way for a reason. And so if, if you're going to lead yeah, you shouldn't you should be consulting the other half of you, right, because the two become one you should be consulting that other one to get their input before decisions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. We just Taylor and I just walked through this because I came to her very randomly and I said look, I think I want to sow this amount of money in january, uh, to our ministry, okay, what are your thoughts? And she's like uh, now remember, women think completely differently.
Speaker 2:She's like her brain goes up to 100. She's got 51 tabs open. Yeah, because women are women of security, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1:and she's like well, hold, because I think you already sacrificed enough. You know she does these things and I'm like, I understand, well, pray about it, give me a number and we'll come back to it that you're comfortable doing. She's like, well, I don't know why, because you're going to make the decision ultimately, what you want to do, and this is where you grow and you mature in your walk with Christ, because you understand, even though you have the right to make a decision, you want to have unity in that decision, in every decision. And so it's like, yeah, you're right, I can make the decision, taylor, and I appreciate you understanding that, but I want you in agreement with me, because what I believe we're doing this for is for us, it's not for me. And so I want you to be in agreement and believe with me that what we're sowing for is going to happen. And so, when you talk about being able to make the decisions, but you've got you need the unity in there, you need it. And so we you've got to make sure you consult, consider before you make a decision, right, because women will give you a blind spot that you did not see. So let's look at this really quick.
Speaker 1:1 Peter 3, 7, husbands in the same way. This is where you have the church. They say in the same way the same way Submit yourselves to your own wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but honor her as a co-heir of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers won't be hindered. Immediately after writing this verse, he goes to say in verse 8, and I don't even have it pulled up here, but you've got to read verse 8 there there are when you look at what scripture is saying we did all this about the roles and wives must submit to their husbands first. Peter, in the same way submit yourselves to your own wives. There are two events in Sarahah's marriage in the old testament to illustrate mutual submission in marriage. So god told abraham to obey sarah in genesis 21 and 12, and the bible says that abraham obeyed sarah in genesis 16 and 2.
Speaker 1:Um, it's very important in Genesis 16 and 2. It's very important that there is a time where you should be submitting to your wife as well. I don't know about you, but I believe my wife can hear from the Lord just as clear as I can at times. Yeah, for sure. And when you talk about her being a helper and what the original design was, it's not just help around the house, it's help in the spiritual things as well. Spiritual and the decisions.
Speaker 1:What you just said man, just really consulting and talking, and things like that. There are things where it's like you know what I had this idea, but your thoughts are much better Makes it more clear. So, yeah, I'm going to submit to what you're deciding, what you're thinking. And so we as leaders, we are the example. Men, listen to me, be the example. Show your wives what submission looks like. If it's not a life-altering decision, if it's not a big deal that your wife wants to do or something she's got on her heart, submit to it. Be the example. And the more you submit to your wife, the easier it is for her to submit to you Right, and so what you got? Anything else?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm good. I think we have covered this topic very well.
Speaker 1:It's got me ready for the next, the next one is communication and compromise, and we're going to slap all y'all with this right here Okay. Because, yeah, yeah, it took a long time, but we finally crafted that thing pretty good. But uh, hey, thank you guys so much for listening and, um watching whichever way you can. Uh, pastor jay's gonna bless you, like we do every every episode and uh, we'll see you here next time hey, so real quick, we just like to do the priestly blessing and so we're gonna do that here.
Speaker 2:that here Numbers 6, 24 through 26. It says the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Hey, thank you so much for tuning in. To Pastor to Pastor, we're talking about the blueprint of marriage and we're looking forward to the next few episodes. Share this with somebody. Listen, I think no matter where you are in your walk with Christ, no matter where you are in relationship, we can all learn and grow and be better. God bless you. Make sure you share this with somebody. We look forward to seeing you next time, love y'all.
