Weasel Tales, Feat. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Some 20 years after starting his writing partnership with Bobby Heenan, resulting in two successful books, Steve Anderson tells the story behind the stories and interviews those who knew and loved "The Brain," regaling fans with their own "Weasel Tales."
In addition, "The Bobby Heenan Archives" are a chance for fans to hear Bobby tell the stories that were published in two books: Bobby The Brain: Wrestling's Bad Boy Tells All and Chair Shots and Other Obstacles: Winning Life's Wrestling Matches.
Weasel Tales, Feat. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Weasel Tales: The Bobby Heenan Archives - Culinary Con Games & Resilient Road Stories
What happens when professional wrestlers swap luxury feasts for budget-friendly snacks on the road? Join us as we unravel the myths surrounding wrestlers' dining habits and explore the ingenious, and often hilarious, tactics they use to score free meals. From crafting creative lawsuits to navigating the colorful personalities of the wrestling world, like the cunning Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, this episode is packed with humor and unexpected insights. We promise a hearty serving of laughs with tales of wrestlers swapping fancy dinners for inventive concoctions, showing just how resourceful life on the road can be.
But the fun doesn't stop there. We then turn the spotlight on scam artists, weaving stories of encounters with fast-talking con men and drawing fascinating parallels with wrestling's most charming tricksters. Picture this: using a fake anniversary to score first-class upgrades or dealing with the absurdity of funeral home antics. Between the laughs, we touch on the vulnerability that comes with life's more serious moments, offering a blend of humor and poignant reflection. Listeners will enjoy the wit and cunning that emerge when the stakes are high, sharing in the joy of clever comeuppances and laugh-out-loud misadventures.
In our final segment, we get personal, tackling themes of resilience amidst life's toughest challenges. Hear firsthand accounts of career transitions, health crises, and the power of surrounding oneself with supportive influences. From balancing work and family during a loved one's hospitalization to reliving the joyous chaos of a newborn's homecoming, we cover it all with a mix of humor and heartfelt sincerity. We wrap up with tales of unexpected dining adventures and social escapades, painting a colorful picture of life's ups and downs—one that's sure to resonate with anyone who's ever faced adversity with a smile.
Ha ha, you bring it all up. So somebody asked me once why would a big person marry a midget wrestler? Now I said, well, she doesn't like to do much ironing. Why would a big person marry a midget wrestler? No, actually, well, she doesn't like to do much ironing. It's not like pressing a hole like a pants. And for dessert they don't like shortcake. And the person just looked at me and he didn't understand. Never mind. Wow, you didn't understand.
Speaker 1:Nevermind, maybe four years old still get the kitchen, you know, at McDonald's. Yeah, exactly, there's one chapter we really haven't covered a whole lot. I haven't really last night. It's a chapter called again. It's giving advice. It's advice on fine dining. Sure, can we go ahead with this and remember that. Oh, do the fine dining first, that's fine.
Speaker 1:While you're thinking about it, well, well, well, talking about helping out by yourself, you know, sometimes on the road I remember guys in Tennessee in 1965 when I was there, they'd write five guys in a car and they had no money. Everybody had like five bucks a night. So they would buy a pie roll and put it in tinfoil and carry it in a taser and put it in the mail folder of their car and they'd drive like 200 miles. They'd get to where they were going and they'd pull up beside a road and they'd be cooked and that's how they'd eat. They just didn't have any money. And a lot of people think, boy, you know what wrestlers do after the match, don't you? They all hang out together and they smoke cigars and have steak and beer Usually a lot of Pat's, blue Ribbon and Bologna in the car. It's called Bologna Ball.
Speaker 1:Wrestlers usually look for buffets. Where's all you can eat for so much? There was one wrestler, st Joe Sonny Myers. There was an all-you-can-eat chicken place on the way back from Quincy, illinois to Kansas City and Sonny was stuck there like they closed at 11,. He stopped at 10 to 11. And he'd stay, keep the place open until 1. He'd have piles of bones, so other boys used to call them bones. But you know me and the guy stayed open. It was all you can eat. He was. You know me and the guy still. We were like, hey, I got there, it was fun. That's a myth, that you know. We don't have steak every night, champagne, this, and that you know mostly we're going to the next town. We're stopping someplace, getting a couple burgers and a bag and going. It's just not the way you think life is. After the fight, everybody goes down to the local restaurant and the big table pulled out like for Jack Dempsey or something like that, and now we go back in the car and put a second cap on. We'll get a greasy burger and some beer and go to the next place.
Speaker 1:Now the brain. If he went down the road to eat, he'd want to go to the rainbow room at Waffle House Prices. Yeah, so he tried some way to go up there and have a full, complete meal $50 steak, all the trimmings, the finest bottle of wine but then he didn't tell anybody. They knew he was from the hotel he stayed at, which he told everybody was the Plaza. Yeah, he got a cockroach and he put it in a medicine bottle. After the steak, everything's gone and there's a bug on the plate and he starts gagging. But actually everything is arrest, which you can do to avoid a lawsuit. Yeah, but he still sues. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He figures he can't get the ADA off of us. Yeah, then he sells the cockroach on eBay. Yeah, so he's out for something.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know there were guys in the business. One guy used to. I don't want to mention names. He might still be alive. But he went to supermarkets and he would break a jar of jelly on the floor and put his shoe on it and it would lay next to him and yell and they'd come over and sit on it. So he broke a jar of jelly and he was walking by and slipped on it. Or he'd take a Coke bottle came in bottles, he'd take it out and he'd bang it on the other bottle and it would break the bottle that was sitting in there in half. So then he put the whole bottle back in there and the bottle was broken in half. He'd throw the coke in his face and then tell him it exploded and sue him for that. Oh, he'd actually sue him. Oh, yes, oh yeah, I'll tell you the guy that built it. Remember the guy that's the movie guy, father? Yeah, remember the guy with the blue city strangle, Winnie Montana? Yeah, he was the guy who used to do that stuff. Right, bill Miller ran into the suit once. About five years later, bill, they never found him again. Five years later, bill goes to LA and he sees his brother, ed, and Bill says I, I used to have a suit just like that. I gave it away to my dad. So what did you get? I bought this for my dad. Yeah, oh, wow, that's what the brain was doing, you know. Oh, wow, oh wow.
Speaker 1:I think that's what we could almost change that chapter to is dealing with the brains in your life, you know, dealing with people who are, you know. How do you deal with that? How would you deal with that? How should people deal with a Bobby Neenah? Stay away from him, believe nothing. This man says Any man that bleaches hair and offers a neon suit, stay away from him.
Speaker 1:Anybody that has a nickname, a pretty boy with a brain and a mouth they don't have a thing to do with it. And does he look honest? Not really. He's got that. He talks too fast and says nothing. Yeah, and who knows if he has cancer? Yeah, who knows if you speak his word? Yeah, who knows if you speak his word? Yeah, he just may have a paper card in his throat from that McDonald's. He beat somebody out of yesterday. Who knows? Like the same thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This might be just an unscriary picture. There's some scan. He's working. Yeah, oh, he'd do the thought. So, yeah, so the brain wouldn't have cancer. He'd work it though. Oh, yeah, there's some scan. He's working. Yeah, well, he'd do the thought. So, yeah, so the brain wouldn't have cancer. He'd work it though. Oh yeah, he's got a disability since he was three. Yeah, he's been a workman for three. So you heard this on the construction site.
Speaker 1:I never forget Ray Stevens when he told me I've tried the greatest thing. He did some good ones. I said, ray, how old were you when you first had your first sexual relation? He said I was six years old. I said, raymond, where'd you take her? He said I don't know. I was too drunk to remember her.
Speaker 1:What about like people who are like him but you can't spot them? I mean maybe not the extreme character, but people who act like that, who scam people or who are just on a top and you have trouble spotting them. How do you deal with them? Well, you can't deal with them if you can't spot them. If you know what they're doing, you either avoid them or play with them. Yeah, well, maybe not as extreme as what Bobby Heenan does, but what I do right now is when we have a Now formerly, we have a lot of police and firemen We'll call you and beg for money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I found out that the police and firemen don't do it. Only 10 or 6% of that money goes to the fire department. So when they call me, I always ask them. I say God, I was just going to call you. I said I'm broke this week. I don't know if you could you know, let me know what's up in terms of the month. And they hang up. Well, I put them on hold, just hang up. Well, honestly, I'm really interested.
Speaker 1:I got an email from Verizon, talked to me for a half hour, told me everything. He said where should I send this? And I told him I was bored. I said do you want to do a spiel? That's what he did. He said are you interested? I said uh-uh. He said can I send you some interested? I said uh-uh. He said well, can I send you some stuff? I said yeah, hit the stamp right in your ass, kiss and goodbye. No, all right.
Speaker 1:He would get on the plane and a guy would sit down next to me across the aisle and drop his newspaper and go to the bathroom. He didn't sit in the newspaper. That happened to me. I was on the plane once I put my newspaper down in the bathroom, came back and somebody said to my table. Chicago Sun-Times. I was going to fly from over here to Hollywood. I was going to read the whole newspaper. It had nothing to do. I said I'll find the son of a bitch. And it was two hours. There were 400 people in the plane. I started walking to the house. There were 75 people reading at the same time. I had no reason to. I do do this.
Speaker 1:When my wife and I get in a plane I always tell the stewardess it's our anniversary and she always gets a bottle of wine. The other day we were flying to where are we going? Vegas and we were telling the girl at the airport it was our anniversary and she put us in first class. It was all crazy. It's the first time we got away. You know, having seven kids and everything, you know me being a disability and everything, my wife, we probably scraped up enough to go on this thing. We went to first class. I wanted to go coach but I'm saving the money to get my child's leg fixed.
Speaker 1:I think I kind of forgot about his brains. I think him and two of his friends were sitting in an open casket of our good long-time buddy Whoever it may be, and I'd find him. Two guys, tom and Bill. Tom says you know, I'm sorry you died. Here's that 50 bucks I owe you from the Super Bowl. I forgot to pay. He puts it in his pocket. The next guy says you know, I didn't pay you either for the Super Bowl. I bet you $100. Here's $100. He puts it in the guy's pocket. That guy's got $150 in his pocket. He knuckles up. He says I did bigger than him. I did, I did, I did, I did $200 with you. I don't have any change of anything. So he writes him on a check, puts it in the pocket and takes the hundred and a half out.
Speaker 1:That's called a great funeral home. Crematory, yeah, and a massage, yeah. Well, they kind of do funeral homes. Yeah, and you wonder if you're any more vulnerable? Yeah, they can sell you anything. Don't bury my mother. I want her to show me this and put me anything. Don't bury my mother. I want in, show me this, put me downstairs. This is the honest to God truth.
Speaker 1:The funeral director's name was Richard A Dye and he looked exactly like Vincent Price. He had hair combed back, he had a thin pencil mustache, he had a red on white shirt with a green tie, a black suit, pinstripe, cufflinks, everything. And when he touched you he was white and cold and he smelled like carnations and his assistant's name was Mr St Pierre, like St Peter. So he takes me downstairs to the basement to pick out a fat casket. You ever done that? No, it's like a showroom. Yeah, oh yeah, caskets. So here's one of our models $540 now. Well, that doesn't look good. What's your next one? Well, the next one's one step up, it's $12 million. Yeah, what's your next one? Well, the next one is one step up, it's 12 million. This one is one line ear tight.
Speaker 1:So I picked out something nice and he says has a dress? My mother, because she didn't have a dress, she wore house dresses, so I'm going to get her a nice dress. So he said we had dresses. So he showed me this. So he takes it and he puts it in the casket. I said, yeah, that's fine. Would you like some pantyhose with that? I said, hey, where the fuck you going? He can rip the ass out of the dress. I don't care. He's not leaving the box. The box is real expensive. Punks too, maybe a purse. So that was it.
Speaker 1:They had you at most vulnerable. They're still trying to park their luggages I mean their Hawaiian stuff, anyhow dresses. It's like the hospital you go there to get fixed. They ask for a q-tip. That's $160. So everybody's got their hand up. So what the Marine does is he tries's got their hand up, yeah. So what the brain does is he tries to get his hand in there somewhere, yeah, tries to get some training following through the grade.
Speaker 1:What do you? You know that experience with your mother's funeral. What do you take from that? What do you tell people and advise people about that? It's all in your heart. You have to do it. My mother told me and I believe this, I believe the Jewish people do this. They bury you. The next day when my mother died, I was taken to a 400-de Buchanan funeral home in Indianapolis, in Broadville, and I don't view dead people. I want to remember them how I last saw them. And when my mother died, it was in 1979, april 9th.
Speaker 1:I was working in Atlanta for the NWA and I would Monday. I was in Augusta. I forget my schedule here. I would come to Atlanta on Fridays for Atlanta and I'd be there Saturday, sunday, monday and sometimes I'd go home Tuesday or Wednesday. So I'd get a day and a half because I just got married and had a baby. I was just commuting and they weren't paying my rent as I was. But I'll put a lot of money in those days and I'll get a cheap ticket. So I just got back from Augusta on a Monday night my wife called me. It's another way to show you how to cheat and it's a matter of survival. Monday night my wife called me. It's another way to show you how to cheat and it's a matter of survival.
Speaker 1:I gave a call to my wife at 3 o'clock in the morning. She said I have to take your mother to the hospital and she had a heart failure before I was in the hospital. And that shows you how they really care about you. She's in the hospital, had a heart failure. She has gas and pains. Did they tell her that day for lunch?
Speaker 1:Chili, the hospital. My wife doesn't look like she's eating chili. I called the nurse and she said should a heart patient be having chili? Oh no, of course not. Her mom's mad. Now she wants the chili.
Speaker 1:There's one TB in the room. She had two beds in the room for another woman. That woman's about 80. And my mother? The other one was my mother turning on the channel. My mother won't do it. She's got the TV on high so the woman's arguing.
Speaker 1:I was fighting the whole day so I had to get my mother a private room. Now she's happy. She's sitting there with her critter. They're happy they can fly, so she's staying there. She sent me a little credit. You don't have to take it away. She came in but, yeah, they gave her a chile. So now I've got to get a flight home. So I got a 10 o'clock flight it's just me and 11. But it's full.
Speaker 1:And there used to be these little stickers and you'd peel them off, a piece of paper and you'd put it over your flight number and you'd write down the flight number of the one you change it to and it says that's okay. Yeah, it says agent, there's an agent number you put there. So you just make up a number. Yeah, and I used to find these on the ticket counters. They would zip them up and put them on a ticket. Yeah, and I would always drop my keys or a pen and one would bend down and get it and I'd wax these things so I could change my flight, but it was okay. So then I put it on the ticket and I clumped the ticket up. You know why. So they can't read it. Good, you smear it. Then I called the airline. I made a reservation already. It's a bit full, but I get my tickets. We're ready for next week. Come back, I'm using that. I go to the gate.
Speaker 1:I found an emergency at home hospital. I show them. I got my ticket to Boom. I got off the plane. My wife picked me up to get to. I went in.
Speaker 1:When I was in intensive care I looked at the book, the name of the patient. I didn't see her name there. That woman came out. She said they took me into a special room. She said the doctor will be in and talk to you.
Speaker 1:I never thought she had died. I thought they were coming in to ask me permission to operate. Yeah, and the woman came in. I didn't even pay attention to her then, but she had a cross on her pocket and she said they brought your mother in last night at so-and-so time and restabilized her, but then she gradually deteriorated and she is expired and they gave me my mom's belongings to take home. It was a Seco watch, a nightgown and our house covers. I'm leaving the hospital with a paper bag my mother's belongings. This is what you come into this world and this is how you leave.
Speaker 1:So I made arrangements to have her at the funeral home, but I wouldn't look at her, so Cindy had to go identify her. I had to look at her, so Cindy had to go identify her. They had to, and Cindy had just given her a permit the night before. I always wondered if that had complications with her heart because of the breathing of the fumes and maybe she should have had that. I don't know, but we wait now.
Speaker 1:So we made arrangements to have the next day a showing. And then we're on a barrier and I had some friends of mine that flew in from Florida. They were on vacation. They drove in from Florida on vacation and some friends of mine in theapolis. They took off work and I sat in the back row. I didn't. That was my grandmother. I didn't have a viewing for Mother. I buried her the next day and I had a grave sign service. We had no viewing my grandmother. I had a viewing one day and I sat in the back. I wouldn't sit up front. I never saw my grandmother. And then my mother I never saw either. And we put her in the ground and we all stood there and everybody said what they had to say to themselves and we went home.
Speaker 1:I remember my mother telling me. She said I don't want no funeral, I don't want fathers, I don't want anything. She says what good does it? Do you Ray, nothing? What good does it do me Nothing? But it makes the forest rich. It makes the funeral director rich, yeah, exactly. And it makes everybody else rich. It makes Hallmark rich. She said it's over, yeah, and I said you know he'll always be alive in me. So what does burying your ship mean? So I go to the cemetery every time I go to any and I talk to her and my grandma's buried right next to her and it doesn't bother me, I'm not grieving her.
Speaker 1:I went home, my daughter was four months old. I said grandma's gone. I said Grammy's gone. I said she'll always be with us. And every day I talk to my mother. If I trip or something, I say God damn it, nellie, quit it. I know she's up to something. You don't hear something. All the time she says Nellie, get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes in your house some things happen you can't explain. It happens in everybody's home. We believe it in my mom and that's how I get through grief and stuff. I just make light of it. I realize there's nothing I can do about it and go on. For me to sit in a funeral home for three days and give them three or four grand which sounds cheap on my part, but it won't do anything. It just hurts me. It's over. Exactly cheap on my part, but it won't do anything. It just hurts me. It's over. Get over it. Some people well, people have to make their own decisions. Some people feel they should pay respect, but to me, you go in the funeral home and sit there and cry, then you walk real slowly to the hearse, then you drive real slowly to the funeral home, I mean I think the cemetery Then you walk real slowly to the grave site. Then they say something else, then they roll it real slowly. Well, I go through all those steps of grief.
Speaker 1:Now the Bobby Hinn funeral home. That suit would be coming off him. He'd be going for an assignment shot His soap shoes. The shoes would be off. He'll bring the watches. They go on Robert T, with a pair of you know handy sticks, johnson and Johnson pliers. The glasses would come off. They'd be sold, recycled. Oh yeah, that person, I guarantee you would go onto the ground the way he came into the earth.
Speaker 1:There and there, that's a nice-looking suit, bobby. What? It's a nice looking ship, bobby. What'd you get? Ah, a friend of mine sold it. A friend of mine sold it. Why don't you show the backup on it? Yeah Well, I've never been told. Chris, what does it smell like Melvite? No, no, no, that's Chinese, your English letter. I've had it since I was four. Oh no, I guess I go to the parlor every day. No, I guess I mean we can drive by there you go when my, when my.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you have to talk about being a jobber in life and a jobber in wrestling. Well, it's totally different, because a jobber in wrestling, wrestling is not real, so he's not really being beaten by anybody. He's playing the part of a character that is being beaten. But some of the guys that aren't, we'll call them jobbers, they call them jabronis, they call them now extras, they call them enhancement matches. What is this? This man plays a part of the guy who's going to get beat all the time. Why does he play that part? Probably because he's got a part-time job. But our job and he does his part-time on weekends is not to vote his full career to.
Speaker 1:Then there were a lot of guys in the business that didn't involve their whole career in it but didn't make it past that, and that was because they either didn't have the ability to raise any higher and I do believe you sink to your own level. If and I do believe you sink to your own level If you could become president, you would. If you could become the brain, you would. If you could become a banker, you would. The reason I'm not president, I couldn't do it. I know I don't want to do it. I don't know how to do it. I got to wherever I did. Like I said, what's going to happen is going to happen. I'm sure when George Bush was born and was a little kid, the first time he crapped his diaper he didn't think he was going to be president. He was a kid. He never even would have had a kid. You never know what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:So to be a jumper in wrestling, that's a role you play. People in the movies always play parts, like great actor Ned Beaton. I don't know how many starring roles he ever had, but he he's a tremendous actor and probably made a great living at. So I look to you like the guy on the TV who's getting beat. I'll guarantee you, most people that watch wrestling never know. See who it is that's getting beat. They're watching the guy that's going over, but in real life, no, never getting beat. They're watching the guys going over, but in real life, no. Never be a jabroni. Never be an enhancement match for everybody. Never be a jabber. Why should you take the bump and lay on your back when somebody else can benefit by it? You got one shot at life. Take it. Don't abuse anyone. Don't hurt anyone Children, old people, your family. Don't lie, cheat or steal, but do let the Army be the best you can be and do it for yourself.
Speaker 1:There were times when I had to go do a radio interview and I'm in another town. Well, I wasn't home and I'm on the road and I'm thinking that was a radio interview. I was put on a sweatsuit and running shoes and go over pan cut and I think if you walk in and look like the guy that runs down the street or owns the popcorn, stand in the corner, then you're nothing special. So what's it going to take for me to put on a pair of slacks, a clean shirt, a nice pair of shoes, a sports coat, walk into that place and let them say, wow, this guy makes some money, this guy's a professional at what he does. Sure, I'm doing a radio show, but in five or ten years that guy may be running a studio, he may be in television, he may be someplace where I need that door open. He'll remember me Not as a slo fraud that came in and was very entertaining, but no, as Bobby the Brain who came in professionally. Sure, it's radio, it's not like being on Bueno, but it's still being in the public.
Speaker 1:So don't ever be a jobber. Walk in that door like you know what you're doing and act like you know what you're doing, whether you know what you're doing or not, because if they're going to hire you and you don't know what you're doing, they don't know what they're doing. So take advantage of it, do the best you can for your life and just always remember don't take second place, because like, who's the first man on the moon? Neil Armstrong, and what a bike rider he is too. And who's the second man on the moon? Nobody knows.
Speaker 1:It's that simple Main event get the money the first match, don't Top race. Make the money the bottom guys, don't. That's just the way it is. And the people that can and one of the greatest times in this world that will get you through this and will make sure you're not a jabroni or a jabber is to get an education, because you can't go any place without an education, and remember this knowledge is golden. It means everything, and if I know more than the next guy, I've got to step up on him. And it's just the way the world is. And the girls are cool. They don't want a guy that's 20 years out of school. They don't want a guy that can't make the team. So you've got to be a winner in life. People like winners. Put yourself in that position. If you're going to call a guy to come and shampoo your rug, are you going to call a company that's going out of business or a guy that's just smoking money into our business? Do you know who's going to best? That's just the way it is. Don't be a jobber, and people know when you're a jobber and they know when you're a loser. Because you act like it, you work like it.
Speaker 1:Remember Mr Hurd on the old Newhart show when he was a psychiatrist? Yeah, mr Hurd would come in and say I didn't hear you outside the door. I hated to knock. I didn't want to bother anybody. He was just a. He had no self-esteem. He was just a real wimp. He was a loser in life and those guys sometimes have to be slapped around, have some hot coffee thrown in their face and maybe wake up to the fact that you are a human being with a brain. Maybe you don't have a great IQ, maybe you don't need one, but there's something you can do more than accept that you're going to be a loser. If you want to accept it, then you are. Then don't come to me for help and don't come around and I don't want to be around losers, because all losers do is bring you down. A winner will bring you up. If you're hanging around a guy like Vince McMahon, who's successful, or Donald Trump, you'll start dressing like him. You'll start digging like him. If you're hanging around with Bill of a Bum in some alley drinking a bottle of Mogan David 2020, the next thing all you're going to do is you get enough money to get some more Movin David. That's just the way I feel. Sleep in the alley with Bill of Abundance, or come and ride the big car with Donald Trump. Be the winner or loser, right Right.
Speaker 1:Were there ever times in your career or your life where you just wanted to say, just accept the fate and like, ah, it's not worth it? Yeah, I never gave it my whole life, except two years ago when I found out that WCW was not going to renew my contract and some people there all knew it but betrayed a lot of people and didn't tell them. And if they had told us it wouldn't have made a difference. But just to tell you, so you know. And then, realizing my career as an athlete in the ring is over, so I planned to stay in the business in the broadcasting end until 60 or 70, so I couldn't do it anymore, didn't want to do it. So the board of directors stayed in it a long time. You know, as long as you know what you're doing, that's what's important. We'll get John Madden, we'll get Pat Summerall, so but and then, when there was no more job there, and then I called WWF and they didn't return my call, I thought what have I done wrong? I was nice to the people at WWF. I never knocked their product or Vince or them, and I mean they never called me for employment. I was available for work.
Speaker 1:And then my speech kept getting worse and my taste and what was wrong with me? My daughter was just about ready to get married. I don't have a job anymore. Now she gets married, I find out I'm diagnosed with cancer. Now she gets married, I find out I'm diagnosed with cancer. My wife had just had cancer a couple years earlier. Now I realize I have cancer, but in a year I'll have no insurance left because it will run out what I have left from Turner. My wife is diagnosed with cancer for the second time. When was she diagnosed? When was she for the second time? When was he diagnosed? When was he the second time? A year ago, april, not last year, but a year ago, april.
Speaker 1:And then, after finding that out and then having surgery in March on my throat and then having it again last December, I think after last December, it really hit me. It was around January or February that I had this fist on my hip. It was like a fatty tissue from taking bumps calcium deposit but it grew to the size of my fist and became black and I had to go have it removed. I couldn't attend a care-hunting funeral because I couldn't fly or sit up. I had only stitches, have it removed. I couldn't attend any funeral because I couldn't fly or sit up. I had only stitches in my hip. And I had neck surgery. I broke my neck. I had two lymph nodes taken out. I had my knee surgery done. I had my arm surgery done. I had broken my collarbone. Now I'm in there. I'm having this cyst taken off my hip, which was benign.
Speaker 1:My daughter just got married. She's trying to make ends meet. She's just got a job. My wife's sick again. She has to work. My insurance is going to run out. There's no wrestling organization out there anymore and the ones that are out there won't return my call. My speech is getting worse. I said to myself you know what? I'm going to sit here in this room. I'm just going to wait and die Because there's nothing out there to do. There's nothing out there I can do. Most of my friends don't live around me. My family can't do anything. I had no visible means of support. So you know what? I'm just going to wait here and die and try to sleep as much as I can and get this over with.
Speaker 1:And then I told my wife and she came home that day. I'm trying to eat. I'm not feeding too. I don't want to make you feel sorry for me. I was just telling you how it was and what I did wrong.
Speaker 1:I started feeling sorry for myself. I told my wife. I said I'm not going to get better, I'm not going to get better. And my friend DG Benjamin called. And my friend the farmers called, put their names so they can see it the farmers Jack Goodwine, jake, benjamin, and they called me periodically, but right around the same time, like that day. They all called me. I broke down the phone. I said I can't eat. I have no job, I have no wife. My daughter's moved out now. My wife has to work so we can get insurance. She's sick. I don't know how long I'm going to have her. I said, vicki, there's no more reason to go on. He didn't tell me there was, but that's the natural thing he would do.
Speaker 1:And then my wife came home and I told her. I said I don't care if I die. I said all my whole life I've tried to support my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, you, my kids, my friends and help everybody. And now I'm stuck down with this. Why, why me? She's going to prison Getting three-fourths of an A. They're doing fine.
Speaker 1:Then my daughter came over. She said I'm sick. I said I'm not going to. Came over. She said how do you feel, dad? I said I'm sick. I said I'm not going to get better. She said no, you're not. You're probably going to die tomorrow. I said what she said, that's the way you want to feel, feel that way. I don't want to hear it. I have my life ahead of me and you're still going to be bad. You feel, talk shit. You're going to just get better. And I said you know, you're damn right. Nobody wants to hear this, do they? She said no, there's nothing they can do for you, but you yourself. I said well, thank you, honey.
Speaker 1:And since that day I cut her out of the will. That's the truth. And I said tell her and she's the one I know. I used to tell her. Yeah, and she was the one that turned me around. God, you got me. You're telling a great story. I cut her out a little. I mean I will. I told you it's a true story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and from then on I just tried to be up about things. I said, mr Lover, have you said about no restaurant office will hire me? Well, I just try to be up about things. I said to myself what am I going to be upset about? No restaurant office will hire me. Well, I don't want to work for any restaurant office. I want to do books and I want to talk and entertain. And now I've got a great guy doing the writing for me and now I'm looking forward to this book being a good, and that means bye you, dead beast. And I'm just looking forward to enjoying my family where I have left. Whether I live to be 100 or 59 or tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy today, right now.
Speaker 1:The sun's out. Right now. I'm fine. I'm watching Elvis on TV. He's got all the money in the world. He's dead. He's looking up at the asshole with Daisy Taking a dirt bath.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting here in Minneapolis and if you can't call this women, it's a warm up. At least it's nice out. Two days of summer. I love it here. I missed it last Thursday.
Speaker 1:But no, my daughter, she's the one that you see around here. Wow, did you know she was right? Yeah, but they're not the same. They're the same. She's the one that just didn't want to hear it. Wow, and you know she was right. Wow, but then her, being Bobby Hina's daughter did a natural thing. After I complained to her, she sent me on the road straight. She took my cancer survival kit and sold it to a price on eBay. No way she's a Hina. I know what she used to do she is a Hayden.
Speaker 1:When she was like 12, I never went to the white place alone Supermarket, any place. She didn't even have a baby. You didn't pick a baby up to spank it. I told you. I mean, I was four years old, two years old, right, see? I told you that the test set you were going to their car. I mean that'd be your kid, right? Yeah, you wouldn't know. Oh, exactly.
Speaker 1:So once she got old enough, I had to let her go in the supermarket to get bread. I had to get down to the mill. One night I met Fred at the front door of the park and she was 10, 12. She knew how to do it, so she went. She came out. I gave her five bucks. She went, wore up her bread. How much was it? $1.98. Where's the change? She said I go in and get the change. I said, what if I don't give you a 20? She said you're winning on your change. So every time she time she goes against me. She keeps the change. Wow, that was my first time to drive.
Speaker 1:We used to go to a country club I used to belong to called River Hills and I had a convertible and I had a bottle of water. And in this country club they had homes but no police there. Everybody played golf or tennis and during the day all the mothers were home. So we would drive, I would drive around there. She was like 14 or 15. 30 miles an hour and I would drink more water, sit in the car, get sun. She'd drive around, we'd go home. My mother would say my mother, her mother, my wife, would say where were you? My daughter would say we were rafting. We went rafting. So when I told my wife she said what do you mean by that? I said we were at River Hills, we were drinking water and we were on intercoups.
Speaker 1:So I got out of the car and we had a little drive up and down and we were just going back and forth. She's 10 years old. I drew a sketch of my house because I had a driveway from my house to our tennis courts in the back. So I'm down at the tennis court, turn around, put her in a car and I said, okay, drive up here. So she drives up the where I'm at it's always not that far so she drives up. I said, okay, stop, stop, she goes. Why? I said, stop, she stopped. I walk up to her. She drives, I stop. She's got me walking around the whole. Well's got I get the car, she takes off. She's going to be blowing up. She's like she's got the car back Ten years old, but no, she's the one that put me in a quick funeral.
Speaker 1:That's what people need. They need maybe somebody to give them that perspective. You need a kick in the ass. You need to look at yourself and add it up. What have I got? I've got a book coming out. The most important thing I've got is I am alive to see my daughter healthy and see my friends and family and smell air and birds and look at the blue skies and stuff and enjoy everything about life.
Speaker 1:How rude somebody is, about obnoxious. Play with them. That guy is a jerk, you know. I know. I saw him do something the other day. Play with them. Don't get mad, don't ruin your life. Don't want to punch somebody. They can hit their head and die your life's over. Enjoy yourself, but, boy, when you start feeling serious, you start to feel sorry for yourself. You know, there's a lot of sympathy in the dictionary between a shit and syphilis and no one cares. That's good, and I got you with the will.
Speaker 1:I like the story about meeting your parents. That's good, and I got you with the will, didn't I? You did, you did. I like the story about meeting your parents, not your parents, your brothers, your brothers. So we did it. Oh yeah, oh yeah. She told me to do this. So you know what I did. You called right. Yeah, roll around the world, roll around the world. So that's obviously that's the biggest obstacle you've ever had to face in your life.
Speaker 1:What was maybe the one you considered before that? The losing midwifery. Yeah, everybody got me out of that. My family did it again. You gotta turn back to your family. Sometimes your family and your friends.
Speaker 1:Don't call Queen of Ahapa or whatever her name is, queen of Atiba, and don't go to. Don't call Queen Ahapa or whatever her name is, queen Latifah, and don't go to the church and ask for advice. Don't forget, none of those people in the Catholic Church are married. How can they tell you what to do with a family? You might go to Richard Simmons and ask him to give me a date. I'll let you know where to go. Be asking my Bobby Heenan to hold your wallet. You just don't do it. There are certain things you don't do. Could you help sit for me while I'm going to Europe for the summer? Damn, it's so April. Sure, oh, he has a lot to do every day. Imagine he and Bobby Heenan being the first cop to grace him when he had the 9-11 call. He'd be telling the truck I was the first one there.
Speaker 1:That was all a big gimmick. I almost died of pop or nothing. I wish you could get that big ring with me. I'd like my name Eddie. You'd have gold albums under your arms. He would have walked out of there in that jumpsuit. Yeah, he wanted to make sure I watched Lisa Marie for it.
Speaker 1:I know Pearl Parker was a gimmick, that whole thing. He owned 50% of Prisley. Oh, yeah, half Half. He got half of everything. Who's half? Yeah, yeah, we helped. Yeah, hey, half half. You gotta have everything who's we're half. Yeah, yeah, we help. Well, hey, you're gonna have everything I ever made. You can make me what else you have. Well, that's the thing I mean. You put it in perspective and his half of the money went towards the drugs that kept him alive. I mean, they said that at the time of his death his intestines or something his digestive tract was like backed up so bad because of all the drugs he was taking. He was barely even alive. You know what we did? What If somebody drugs him? He didn't know what was happening, yeah, and he fell off the toilet and he smothered. It was in Shea Carping.
Speaker 1:I went to Grayson with him by accident. I was doing a TV interview with the Oakland in Memphis at the Ramada Inn right there. Have you been to Grayson? No, no, it's in a horrible neighborhood. Nothing but red joint T-shirt shops. The least I've seen of an airplane is across the street in a strip mall.
Speaker 1:So I asked a guy. He said Ramirez, can you give me a ride to the airport in advance? He said I've got to go and pick up some people in Graceland. Do you want to go with? Sure, I've never been there. I said, how far is it? He's not far from the airport, he's right behind the airport really.
Speaker 1:So we moved down the street, out of the traffic boulevard, pulled in the gates, went up to the house to pick up some people from the tour and the guy on the guards there. He said to me well, you're Bobby Heenan If you don't take a look around, sure? So we went in the house. Oh my God, it looks like a CD. Wonder decoration, nothing in color, no masking, no jank carpeting on the walls. I mean just really sexy looking stuff and small, cut up. Certain areas you can't go into are upstairs, but it's interesting. Pool room jank carpeting, oh horrible.
Speaker 1:But they say that's what happened. He fell off the toilet and fell into the shed and threw up and his own vomit and everything slithered. And then your heart stops. It was probably because of drugs and he couldn't help himself. Yeah, he was the first guy there with the 911. He couldn't help himself. Yeah, he was the first guy to ever do 9-11. I would yell take on whoever anybody in the house and pack a van up to the back door.
Speaker 1:Probably, make sure people know that Elvis is down for the work because, as well, people will think you, I remember people that had all these office sightings. Yeah, there was an office person that was walking around. People were trying to get in the corner. Yeah, the hand that would run in your favor like that the ring? Yeah, but the ring would be so far you'd run, it'd be too big. Yeah, you could see the paper say Charmin on it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I know, we were talking about fine dining and what you did and what other people thought you did and that kind of ties into the financial stuff we were talking about. Were there guys on the road who did that Fine dining? Yeah, the fine dining, the steak. Well, I know I'm not assumed. Oh, we did well, steak and lobster. My name is an object answer. He ate a lot of food. My name was an object answer.
Speaker 1:He was a very generous man. He made a lot of money. Some guys make a lot of money. But really, how much is your hot water with that tea? Oh, that's nothing. Oh Well, just give me the hot water. Then they have a teabag in their pocket or ketchup in it and they make tomato soup. Or, like some of the guys used to say, how much does the bread cost? How much does the bread cost in the beef Manhattan? Nothing. How much does the gravy cost? Nothing? Well then, bring me bread and gravy.
Speaker 1:But the reason guys didn't eat late at night, mostly because you were in a car. You wanted to get home to Jake or somebody the next day, but you make you sleepy at night and get a drive. So you never had big meals. But nowadays some of the guys go out to restaurants and have a big spaghetti dinner. There's places like in Baltimore that have a good Italian district and in New York, and not most of the guys go back to the hotel room and they wait till morning or they have to get a pizza set by.
Speaker 1:But there were times when we went to nice restaurants. Ultron and I went to nice restaurants. In LA we went to the Palms and different places in New York. Orndorff and I went to the Palms and we were kind of intrigued. We treated ourselves. My wife and I had dinner at the top of the NBC Rainbow Room Just to see what we did. We had dinner at the Tavern on the Green Just to see what we did.
Speaker 1:But we don't do it every night, you know, and I remember one night we were in Winnipeg at High Steakhouse and there was Ray Stevens, nick Bockwinkle, myself, roger Kirby and Chris Marklup, I believe, and Ray ordered the. He ordered a bottle of wine from the Higley, the Higley Cedar wine was. He ordered a $400 bottle of wine. Ray don't drink wine. He poured it in the grass and took it to his house. He said I don't drink wine. You're pouring the glass back to your face. I don't like it. Cut it back Just for a rip.
Speaker 1:Next time we go. A single group of us. Nick says may I see the wine steward please? No, nick doesn't drink wine. He's an agent's wife. Why do you want to see a wine steward? So the wine steward comes. Nick says Matt, may I see your list? So Nick's reading up and down the list. I know I don't. I don't know anybody else at the table, but I may be a line steward. He may be at work. But Nick says let me try that Horseshoe Green 41 or something French. So they bring it to him. I tell him hey, bring us our glasses, I want to taste it. So it's it to me. I tell them hey, bring us our glasses, I want to taste it. So it's a white one. So I said pour it. So the guy's pouring all our glasses and pouring and pouring. There's Nick, there's me. So I was in there talking and Roger Kirby says something to Nick and I switch my water glass for his wine glass. So now we're all toast.
Speaker 1:Nick takes a drink Water. I go. I mean, I go, kind of sore, turns to me and says, rather mild. I said you're at home drinking water, I couldn't take it, I went to, I went to, I went to the water. He wouldn't know, it was just that he wasn't thinking or something, but it was the funniest thing. That's why we don't go to big restaurants and drink it up. And why do guys just want to spend the money to get a good wrap? Why do? Guys would rather just get out a machine in a room and get some Twinkies or something like that, a Coke and crackers out of the machine, but they just won't spend the money.
Speaker 1:Well, they were about nutrition, eating, right? Yeah, a lot of guys do eat a lot of that. They eat a lot of chicken, they eat pasta, they eat salad and they do watch what they eat. But that's gotta be tough, though in here. Well, you can always get a borrowed chicken sandwich and take it off the bun, and rest of the time there's catering. There's always going to be chicken or a fish or pasta. When they're home, their wife has to go out and get it. Yeah, so it's not as hard as it used to be.
Speaker 1:You know, I used to go to the truck stop. Usually it's them Do it because it's cheap. You ever hear a truck driver write a cookbook? They know they're good. My dad was a truck driver. Sure, they know they're good trucks. My grandfather was a truck driver. My father was. His dad was a truck driver. They knew every place. They knew where they could get a lot of food. Yeah, they don't know the good restaurants. They don't know any good restaurants. They don't know any good trucks. Yeah, and it's usually because, yeah, that's a little Sure, and most of those truckers would actually like going to a big steakhouse. They know the people. They know I'm their rock. They always have the same group of diners. Sure, my dad goes to Mexican. He orders the hamburger. He goes to Mexican restaurants. And I know a Chinese restaurant. I was a Mexican restaurant, right, and everybody used to go to a Chinese restaurant or a Sheeper. Yeah, I was doing that. That's what it comes for. Yeah, we did a lot with that. Yeah, we'd go to truck stops. We'd go on vacation. I never knew about Perkins. I knew truck stops. That was it.
Speaker 1:I was there once with my dad and my grandpa, who passed away in 78. I was probably 70 years old and I ordered a Bismarck and a glass of grapefruit juice. And a Bismarck is jelly filled. It's got the white fronting on it. My grandpa made this face oh, what are you out of your mind, I said. He said. And my grandpa said you don't want that. You don't want that. I said yeah, I do. He said all right, you're going to eat every bite. So I take a big bite of the Bismarck and I take a big sliver of grapefruit juice. A lot of them go together. Maybe every single pint would let me go. Yeah, that's right, we ate truck stuff.
Speaker 1:I was the first guy I went to a bar to get a drink and my friend's wife was 18. She said you can't go, you're not old enough. I said watch this. I went to the bar, sat down. She said where can I get you? I said how much is that for a ribbon? He said get the hell out of here. If you drink here, you know how much it is. I don't want to be fat. Yeah, I knew it all. Can't fool me. It's funny and strange how people meet people in this life. I met my wife in 1974.
Speaker 1:I left the Indianapolis territory of the WWA and I came up here to Minnesota to work for the AWA and it was around october 1974 and we had a wrestling show here in town and afterwards it was a place in minneapolis college. It'd be called a strip and I'm 494 and had a bunch of hotels and bars and everybody went to upscale nice places. There's one place there called the Wrecked Guard the Wrecked Guard, yeah, and it was owned by Fuzzy Thurston and Max McGee. It was a place we were going to make that's why they call it the Wrecked Guard, not Fuzzy Thurston and I got to know Max McGee and everything. It was a real nice place. You walk in. It had a room disco, it had another room with an Italian restaurant, had another room with a steakhouse, had another room with Chinese. There was always one huge building Now we're Chili's 494 Nickel and now it's Chili's but then it was called the West Garden. Well, the guy that ran the place knew all the boys, so there was never a cover. There was always a bunch of women there. It was just a real. They talk about a meat house. This was a meat house and this made Oscar Mayer look like a burger king. So I was in it with Superstar Billy Graham and Ray Stevens.
Speaker 1:We were having a drink after the matches and a friend of mine who I knew and his wife, who I knew, were in there on a date. They were married and they had two people with them another guy and this woman that was my wife and they were on a double date. So these two people Tom and Karen are their names and they came over and how are you doing their names? And they came over and how you doing Bobby and how you doing Ray? And we all talked and they introduced me. They said this is Cindy and this is so, and so I didn't know who the guy was, how you doing, how you doing. We all talked.
Speaker 1:We had some more drinks. They said what are you going to do? Afterwards? I said I don't know. I ain't got nothing to do. I'm staying in a hotel. I had no curfew. He said what's going on with Mama Lou's, which is a rib joint? He wanted to go have dinner with us. It's 1 o'clock in the morning, sure. So I go over there and I'm sitting across the table from Cindy. I've had a few scotches now, and so has Ray and Superstar. I don't know what he's got. And so we started telling stories, like we're doing now, having a few pops and having some laughs, and I was.
Speaker 1:I liked Cindy, I liked the way she talked, the way she looked, everything. She's a very pretty Italian woman and we were laughing and everything. She's not married and I was just coming off of a breakup, which wasn't really important, but I was glad really I didn't have to buy a gift this Christmas. I feel it's for her to come through. So I just got to talk with her and everything. And the guy she was with was a bodybuilder and his stomach was upset or somewhere else. His big was.
Speaker 1:So in Minneapolis there was a lot of Sunday parties in the afternoon when the Vikings would play at the hotel. They had the big screen TVs in the 70s, so I was invited to this football party and Chuck Foreman used to be in the Viking. He was having a party and a friend of mine used to play for the Vikings. His name was Stu Boyce and Stu asked me if I wanted to go to the party. Sure, so I said do you want to go to the party tomorrow night? She said where's that? I said it's over at some apartment here. She said okay, I'll meet you here at the left guard. I said okay, she wouldn't give me her phone number, she wouldn't give me her address, so I didn't know if she was going to show up or not. I'm glad she did, because I don't know if I could have found it. I got locked in a phone booth so I finally she came.
Speaker 1:We went to the party, had some drinks and everything Came back to the left guard. Another couple drinks. I said would you like to go upstairs to my room and watch a little TV? She said no. I said well, would you like to go out again? Yes, she gave me her phone number and address, kissed, said goodbye.
Speaker 1:Next time I came to town I called her. Would you like to go out for dinner? She said yes. So her and I went out for dinner. We took two people she was with that night, that Tom and Karen. We go on Minnetonka Lake to watch Westerns and everything, and at nighttime we come back to the garden and he watches. And would you like to watch a little TV in my room? And I said watch a little TV in my room. And no, thank you, she'd go home.
Speaker 1:This went on for six months. Six months Couldn't get her in my room, but I offered her a hundred bucks and told her I was a Shriner, couldn't get her in my room. I thought about doing the old-fashioned way Take a doorknob and put her in a wool sock and just knock her out and take her upstairs. I said, well, I've gone through too much crying, ripping booze with her. She's coming upstairs and I'm going. We were getting along great and she was nice. So one night I said do you want to go up the room and watch TV? She said yes, boy. I'm thinking, wait a minute, I'm getting double duped here. So I figure I'm digging her. I got my money hit. So I take her upstairs.
Speaker 1:She goes into the bathroom, I sit down and start watching TV. She goes out of the bathroom, dressed, just on the edge of the bed, to start watching TV. She comes out of the bathroom dressed, sits on the edge of the bed, I watch TV, and we watch TV. Then she left after a while and then later on, after that we became more intimate and I got her that night Don't watch TV. That's what I told you we were going to do. Yeah, exactly. And I asked her what made you like me? She said I've never met anybody that could talk like you and make people laugh. She said you ought to write a book. Yeah, that really, that really ought to.
Speaker 1:And then one night she came to visit me. I called her and it was Goody Call Evening and she spent the night and that was like 11 o'clock so she was leaving the hotel to go back home Sunday morning she had a big coat on, but at night I was hanging out of it in the back, so she walked out of the room. She said I'll see you later. There's people in the hall. People got Green Bay Packer hats on, they've got Cougars and everything and she's walking away with the nightgown hanging out. She says I'll see you later. I said the hell, you will. $20 is entirely too much. I'm not paying that. I slam the door. I have no idea why you're still with me. How long did he go out before you made love, before you proposed? Oh God, I met her in 74. I proposed to her in 79. Oh, really, yeah, You've been in the phone a lot.
Speaker 1:Then she moved to Indianapolis. She worked for K-Tel Records. Here she was in the I worked, she worked at no. When I met her, oh, in Montessori she worked for K-Tel. Okay, this is a funny story. Here's what my daughter thinks. I mean, I worked for K-Tel yeah, I can't tell you how my daughter thinks I can't. My wife works for K-Tel yeah, I hope everybody knows where K-Tel is. All right, oh sure.
Speaker 1:And then she got transferred to Indianapolis where I live. So she had an apartment Right down the street from me and we were dating. I was still working at the Minnesota and all over the day dating back and forth. So I'd see her a couple days a week when I was home and stuff and she'd go over to see my mom and stuff. And she had a job. She would drive all over the state of Indiana for K-Tel records and was a buyer I would do things. So when we did get married I asked her to marry me and she said yes.
Speaker 1:Then Jessica came along, my daughter. So my daughter had to quit, my wife had to quit work but her insurance paid for Jessica, right. So when Jessica was old enough I told her the whole story of mom and where she worked and everything. So, jessica, she tells everybody. Now if you ask her, how were you born? What happened? She says I'm a Vegematic $29.95. I said Jeff, the company's called Vegematic $29.95. I got you for nothing. I'm a Vegematic.
Speaker 1:And then is it Mary, in July. She's so dramatic, she's so dramatic. And then is it married in July. Did you? Did you? Did you do anything different? Did you have a proposal I proposed to her in Denver.
Speaker 1:I called her on the phone. I said would you marry me? She said I'll answer that when you get home. I don't want to see you do it face to face. I don't believe you. You're rid of me. So I got to the point. I asked you I'm not going to ask you to. We'll go home and pray to your mother.
Speaker 1:So I went home and told my mother I was getting married. My mother-in-law's dad was sitting on the couch. I said you're going to be a grandmother too, maybe. So she went up to the restaurant, cocked her foot, watching TV. I said what's wrong? She said usually, when a son gets married, they leave. I thought maybe I could unload your dead ass, but she didn't mean it. You just have to know how to deal with people. You have to listen to what they say and if they want something, do it, because they usually really don't mean something. You know, like any mother doesn't want some woman coming and taking their son away. So you know it's all my mother had in her life, her and I.
Speaker 1:So after Cindy and I got married, cindy moved in and, cindy, you know my mom and I pretty simple food we had, you know meatball, bologna, pepsi, you know eggs, and as soon as she started buying different kinds of chicken breast and fish and caviar, she could cook right off. So I came home one day and my mother was mad about something. My mom says you know, I don't want to hear it. I want you to kick her out. Mom, I'm married to her. She changed my whole kitchen around.
Speaker 1:She's moving this around and that, and so what she's not? I want to get rid of her. I said okay, you're right, and this is what you're wanting to do with people. I said I'll never let her ask for a pass and throw her out on the lawn and I'll pack all her bags and throw them out there too, and she can just call us up and get home the best way she can. She said yeah, do it. I said I'll just pick her up, throw her on the lawn and tell her it's over. She said that's right, you and me. I said no problem, I start to leave her bedroom and she says wait a minute, let's see what she's making for dinner. She wasn't going to go for it.
Speaker 1:She was fine after that. She was having a bad day, so I just go along with them. I tried to argue with her. It wasn't any good. She stopped me. Hey, let's see what you can make for dinner for her.
Speaker 1:So, and then she Jessica was born in December and anything about that. Oh yeah, when she was born, for some reason we've been saying we didn't know if we were going to go aboard. We didn't check on it, so I came up with a stupid name. I said well, name me Kid Jasper. That's what we always talk about with your friends, how Jasper feels. Instead of naming it, we don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:So when it came time to go in for her present to deliver, well, I hadn't gone to any of the glasses because I'd been on the road. So a doctor it was the same doctor that used to take the blood pressure to the matches. He knew me, but I didn't remember him. I'm thinking how apropos this is. Now I'm going to collect the river and my kids.
Speaker 1:We were at a good hospital, st Vincent in Indianapolis, and he said well, you ready to put your greens on? And we sat there and he said I didn't go to any classes Because I was on the road. He said here's what you have to do you have to stand behind the bed. You know what greens were? He said you know what greens work? He said to me what greens are. No, I thought you wanted me to do something for our with our guy with keys. Put your greens on. Yeah, I knew, because she had her stuff on Her gown. So I thought yeah. He said no, how did you stand behind the bed and do this for moral support? Well, I'm standing behind the bed and I brought a survivor kit with me so I could get through the day. I had a little suitcase and I had a bottle of scotch. In there I had a roll of dimes and a phone book and a bag of fake Newtons.
Speaker 1:So now my wife's having this epidural moment. They call it, oh, epidural. You got to sit and breathe, right and then go back. And then she went back. I said you want a Newton, I don't want a Newton. She raised up again. Again she said you want a Newton, I don't want a Newton. She liked to eat Newton, but I had the dimes to call everybody, I had the phone books to call them. I had to phone him, I had to stop him.
Speaker 1:So finally it was time to deliver and Jessica's starting to come out and I'm nervous and I see that they bring her out and actually you look to see what it is At the groin area, right Well, each side of her vagina was swollen a bit so it could have groin area, right Well, each side of her vagina was swollen a bit so it could have been testicles, right. So I looked around the bed and I said there's no Peter. Cindy says what I said there's no Peter. She said no Peter. I said no Peter, and I'm walking around. The doctor says hey, get behind the bed, it's a girl. So I look and I'm walking around and the doctor says hey, get behind the bed, it's a girl. So I went behind the bed and then he took her and he put her on one of these little French fries that she had after birth in her lungs and she was there for a couple hours and she got to go in the nursery.
Speaker 1:We were going to see Cindy, so I went shopping and bought her everything she needed Fur, coat, diamond, ring Then I used to buy her designer dresses. When I read her, cindy said no, go to Walmart. I said why she was looking at it. I said yeah, they grow about a half inch a week and they throw up and shit on them. That's it. So then we were leaving the hospital. It's December now, it's it. So then when we were leaving the hospital this is December now it's cold December 18th he was born.
Speaker 1:We were in the hospital around the 20th or 21st, first day of winter and I bought from my friend, scott Grigline, a 67 Ford Mustang, white top, blue body, convertible, cold already in that one December and a convertible. So I drive over to the hospital and I know the guard out front. I said here's my wife. Can I leave the car running here? I want to turn it off, it's cold. He said sure, bobby, so I leave the car running. So I go in the hospital. He brings Cindy down in the wheelchair, right, she gets Jess in her lap. But I bought Jess what I call a traveling suit. It was a whole suit. It was red and white stripes with a red and white straight hat with a ball. She was like a clown.
Speaker 1:So my mother's home waiting. I asked what she had delivered the baby. I went to the phone and dialed everybody. I couldn't say I had a daughter. I dialed. I said Steve, yeah, I had a baby. What is it? I started crying. I was so happy. I started crying To everyone. I called. So I called my mother first, then I called her mother, then I called my mother first, then I called her mother, then I called my friends. And so there I went and my woman got the car two days later and brought it back.
Speaker 1:And I go to the hospital and pick her up. She's got her travel suit on and she's in the wheelchair. And bringing her outside, I said let me take the baby first. It's cold. So I open the front door and I got the heater going full blast. I taped Jessica and I put her on the front seat of the car. I shut the door, I go around, get in the car and I take off for home. I'm about five or six blocks from the hospital. I forgot Cindy. I turn around and go back. She's sitting in the wheelchair, her coat covers up her hair and blowing in the wind. She said forgot me, huh? I said no, I just wanted to go for a spin around the parking lot and I'm done. Yet she gets in the car.
Speaker 1:This is two days after having a baby. We get home, I take the baby from her, I go in and hand the baby to my mother. She walks in the house, very sore right. She walks in. My mom didn't say congratulations, it's a girl. How do you feel she says what's for dinner? I haven't had anything for two days.
Speaker 1:There was another thing my mother would do. I never knew this. I bought my wife a warden rocker chair, a big one, so she could rock the baby in. I didn't know. You can't sit real well after having a baby, so you had to go in a tube to die. So Cindy would put the inner tube there. She'd sit in the inner tube and rock the baby. When she'd get up and go to the bathroom, her mother would get up and put the air out of the inner tube there. She'd sit in the inner tube and rock the baby. When she'd get up and go to the bathroom, her mother would get up and put the air out of the inner tube. Cindy would come back and sit down.
Speaker 1:Pass 1, 2, 3. Go ahead. One of my moms says here's a hundred bucks. Nobody's sending. One of us moms says here's $100. Nobody's sending you $400. I said really? She said yeah, she's like. Well, thanks. And then we covered through, passed out. I said okay, fine, there's $100 I bought.
Speaker 1:Cindy came home from work. I gave it to her from the mountain. Oh, she started crying. She wanted a nice thing to do and she loved it.
Speaker 1:Next day Cindy went to work in a town and she got to where she was going and she noticed there was a hundred bucks missing out of her wallet. And when you came into my kitchen there's a counter right. So I used to throw my keys there in my wallet. I didn't see if a purse or anything. My mom said this is my kitchen. Anything that's left there is mine. Oh my. So my mom stole $100. Had the wallet. Gave it to me. I gave it to her. She wouldn't buy it. She cried. My mom left. She said if you want, you see that fella, did you steal it? She's a Sir, sir, my Uncle, johnny, a generation, a generation. Oh yeah, she's just a practical coach. Still, sure, we didn't get an airport one day, never went to the airport, never left the house that much. Sure, I did one day See what we did. Cindy's coming back from Boston At the airport. So we go to the airport and Cindy gets off the plane. Her mother is sitting in the chairs. She's got a hat on and glasses and a newspaper with a hole in it. She got a hat on and glasses and a newspaper with a hole in it.
Speaker 1:The woman was born in 1911. She was actually 79, 78, I don't know what's going through her mind 67 years old. She always wanted to be by the heart of the spot. So I was thinking at some point. I said, boy, you were lucky you weren't here 10 minutes ago. She said what happened? My mother gave me this whole thing. Were you hosting with me? I said well, they had some guy running through the airport here grabbing women. She said oh no, did he get them? I said I don't know. I saw him paging different cops. Oh my God, well, they'll get them. So I walked by where my mother's sitting. She got a hat on her newspaper. I walked by by and my mother gets up and puts a newspaper under her arm. She walked about ten steps and my mother, with both hands, grabbed Cindy's ass. She comes out of her shoes, oh God. She turned and looked at my mother and I threw out a hat and a newspaper, gotcha. I went to the airport again. Gotcha, I'm going to do it for you. It's going to be better than that. I'm going to do it for you when.
Speaker 1:I guess, when you talk to your brothers and stuff about your dad, did he have a side to that? To him? My dad that we understand it was a very strict Irish Catholic. My dad liked to have a little taste here and there. He did everything. He was a printer. He worked for the railroad. I'm going to have to someday just spend the whole day with my brothers and have them give me all the stories.
Speaker 1:My dad worked in a bar. If a guy came in and didn't have anything, my dad would give him his suit and he'd go home in the bounce clothes. He had cymbals on his knees and a broomstick he played. He'd entertain people. Never sold anything, never kind. He liked to sing and entertain, do stuff and tell jokes.
Speaker 1:Out of all the brothers, there's my brother John, my brother Jim, there's me and my brother Bob and I have a sister. They only lived, I think, eight hours. My father and I are the only ones with blue eyes and a cleft. Oh, the rest of the family has no cleft and brown eyes, wow. And he said my dad was a very honest man. Everything had to be this way, if not boom.
Speaker 1:But he liked baseball, liked to have a lot of fun, liked to have a drink, liked the ladies, but he wasn't like a practical joker. Yeah, he was, but I don't know what he did, but I'll find out sometime. He just said he had a great sense of humor. Was the guy from his Mittenau family? He did, but I'll find out sometime. Yeah, he just said, yeah, he had a great sense of humor. The guy first met my whole family. Yeah, I remember the other kids would come up to him and say you're just like Dad. You're just like Dad. Yeah, they were pointing at me. I have a nephew's nieces, because my dad died in 1982, I think. So they knew him. I guess he pulled ribs, he did. But I'll find out. Wow, that'll be interesting because you're talking about your. It'll be your uncle, no, your great uncle.
Speaker 1:But then your grandfather's brother was John Good, and then your mom and then even your daughter, oh yeah, and my grandmother had no sense of humor. She was like what was yours? My mother would come over with a date when we lived in Chicago Didn't have many dates, but they'd sit on the couch, a guy would bring over a six-pack of beer and they'd watch Melvin Burroughs. All right, my grandmother would sit there right in the room with him like this She'd sit down at nine o'clock. She'd say nine. She said I'm 9 o'clock. She said 9 o'clock. Don't you have something to do? No, guys, you're going to come back. Exactly, oh yeah, one thing I was thinking about. We were talking about overcoming obstacles and what I want, kind of no, you know, all around the subject of family. I want to do that first Any more.
Speaker 1:We ended the book pretty much with the story of you getting back together with your family, meeting your family for the first time. Is there any stories from that? Anything that's happened, any updates or interesting things? Or Well, my brother Jim just, uh, there's a law enforcement there in Vegas to help him. Yeah, my other brother teaches at Bishop Norman High School. That's pretty as well in the middle of nothing. You know, my brother was in Florida with me.
Speaker 1:His health hasn't been that great lately. He's in his 60s. His wife's health hasn't been that great. He'll put that in his office. No, we're put that in. No, we're just so busy we haven't talked for some minutes, we've got hours. Now. What about the obstacles? Talk about when, because I do want to cover what was going on around the time of the book, but I don't want to get into even mentioning Triumph. I don't want that to even appear in the book.
Speaker 1:But when, like, wwe called you to do the confidential thing, I was flattered that I sent to do that and plus, they let me put up my first book and I thought that was very nice. Who called you on that, g L from town hall. So they came out and they filmed a couple segments and spots there. There was a producer there and they did it, and they also came out and did a photo shoot too, and that was it. They aired it and everything. They let me mention my book a couple times, which I think you and Mr McMahon are very nice too, but they never called that. I don't know. I don't care what they're doing right now I guess I don't want to work anymore anyway, and it was.
Speaker 1:But what I was thinking there is that the two of us had never thought that WWE would even help us promote that part. No, and I don't know why they did it because Vince would never. He couldn't mention anything about another brand or anything, never even mentioned WCW was out there or anybody you know. No, it was just. There was only one thing it was WWF, it was our merchandise. Oh, but maybe it's because of the years I've been in the business that I respect you business out of respect for you. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think one thing that's hard to do with people I found in life that is really bad is when you call someone and you leave a message and they're not there and they never return your call. Now I can understand it. If you call the government, the IRS, or you want to check about your son over in Iraq, you might have a little bit of tape. Sure, I'm saying like, if you call the guy that comes and fix your toilet or the TV repairman this is Eddie Wing TV repairman. Yeah, this is Eddie Wing TV repairman. I'm not in right now. Get back as soon as I can. We've been messing up the beat. The TV's on fire, it's smoking. Two of the kids are dying from the smoke inhalation. Get back to me as soon as you can. Never hear from the guy. If you call again, you never hear from him.
Speaker 1:Does that mean, again, you never hear from? Does that mean their business is that good or they just don't care about you because they have to answer the messages? Why wouldn't you do it? I return my messages. I'm sure you return yours. I never can understand why people can't do that. I can understand in right now they don't want to talk to you, or they're busy and got something going, but after a long period of time it's just totally unprofessional and rude. So, but that merely happens to me when I deal with businesses that don't know what they're doing and they're probably new in the business or something, or they're just flim-flam people that don't work for you. In fact, if you think you're going to ask them to get a discount or something, I don't know, I don't know why. I just hate it when someone don't return your call, whether it be business or a relative or a friend or anything. Thank you.