The Power of Influence: What's the Best Advice You've Ever Received

In this episode of Coffee Chat, Amber and Lisa Burns discuss the best advice they have ever received and delve into the concept of influence. They talk about personal experiences, the importance of being a positive influence, and the impact of advice on shaping lives. The conversation explores how to influence without controlling, handling negative influences, and the role of encouragement in relationships. The episode closes with a focus on being mindful of the influence we have on others and encouraging each other to thrive. Tune in for an insightful chat on the significance of influence and advice.

00:00 Introduction and Warm Welcome

00:14 Amber's Best Professional Advice

01:37 Lisa's Perspective on Advice

03:03 The Nature of Influence

07:30 Personal Stories of Influence

08:36 Balancing Influence and Control

16:04 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

17:40 Closing Remarks and Call to Action

Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .

Transcript

The Power of Influence: What's the Best Advice You've Ever Received

[00:00:00] Welcome to another coffee chat with Amber and my coauthor in crime, Lisa Burns. We're excited about today's conversation. I want to start off by just asking Amber a question. Amber, what is the best advice you've ever been given? I think the best advice that I have ever been given as a professional woman where I actually took it in as advice was because I was feeling discouraged about my magazine, where it was going, if it was going to be shut down.

[00:00:35] I was just recently moved under the youth department, working for an organization that published the magazine and a coworker told me be a leg. So be a leg, meaning be an essential support to the people that you're put under to serve. So I took that as being mindful of the [00:01:00] needs that were represented by the ministry that I was placed in.

[00:01:08] And actually saying, okay, I'm going to support with what I have needs of the bigger picture, like whatever they were trying to communicate as an organization, whether it be a missional theme, I was going to try to undergird that as much as possible. So I could be a support. To the bigger organization and not here on my own.

[00:01:34] That was the best advice I'd received professionally. So what is the best advice you've ever received? I really have a hard time with this question because in all honesty, just been buzzing through life. So quickly at such a pace that I don't stop and go, wow, this is advice. Let me apply it. But that's not the case.

[00:01:56] We all take on advice or input [00:02:00] from others. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. I think one of the greatest things underlying that I have basically had given to me through some mentors throughout time is just, Separate voices in my head in their own way, just. saying to me, be yourself, just be who you are.

[00:02:23] And I think that it's really hard to take that advice because we see all of our flaws, we see all of our shortcomings, and we somehow lock it away inside of our mind. Sometimes it's subconsciously, but it's this little tape that runs in our head. That may be, okay, I can't just be myself because myself isn't good enough or myself, it isn't really what people want to hear or see.

[00:02:51] You don't know yourself. I'm 60 and I'm just figuring some things out. And I [00:03:00] think probably as. As a substitute teacher and a vocal coach, you take influence seriously. I do, because you have to be cautious about how you influence people.

[00:03:15] As a child of God, specifically, I want to build people. I spend a lot of time with young people and young adults, and I feel like you can give advice. What is the heart behind what you give ultimately someone had influence on me, good and bad. Ultimately you've had people influence you good or bad.

[00:03:45] And I guess it comes down to, we all have the ability to be influenced and to influence. So what kind of person. Do you feel is influential? What are the [00:04:00] characteristics of an influential person? I think it's funny because we are all in some way, influencers. Whether it be influencing our kids to have a cleanliness routine and also influence our husbands as well.

[00:04:23] Put your socks in the laundry basket. Is that what we're talking about, Amber? Yeah. Influence and leading and trying to reinforce healthy habits is just as hard for, I want you to clean your room, but Lisa, I'm a messy. So I am not leading the pack, not leading the pack in what I would want my kids to be.

[00:04:53] And somehow. They've become embraced messy instead of what I would like them to [00:05:00] be, because I should have really raised myself. It's funny because we okay, what kind of person do you feel is an influencer? Obviously we would put into that category, someone who maybe Has lived a little, gone ahead of us in life.

[00:05:16] Maybe they're, I don't know, charismatic. Maybe there's someone that seems to be trustworthy, but like you just mentioned. We can influence people maybe in a somewhat negative way by our habits, by what we do for ourselves. I get that whole concept. I am, I'm an organized chaos person. I think we talked about this a little bit in the past where I have this very, I don't know, administrative side to me, and that in, I'm still trying to figure out how it all works together, but I also have this crazy, creative, Fly by the seat of my pants.[00:06:00] 

[00:06:02] I can do anything. I can just, fluff it, make it better. Whether it's an article I need to edit and write, or whether it's a zhuzhing up a bouquet of flowers or, just, I can, you take something and you make it as organized as you can. And that's, you're trying to use what you have and make that the best it can be.

[00:06:25] Exactly. No, seriously. We all have influence. We all influence. We all receive influence. Ultimately, what kind of a person do we receive influence from? We receive influence from just about anybody we bump up against. Exactly. In good situations, in not so good situations, in hard situations, in mountain top experiences, we are in a state of being influenced.

[00:06:55] And giving back out something. And you know what we have to [00:07:00] evaluate is what kind of influencer are we? Exactly. I think influence is advice that we may not hear audibly, or we may not recognize we're taking in, but we're changing something because of it. And that's what influence is where we have influence on others.

[00:07:21] To change others to drag them down based on the words that are said that we even don't recognize as advice. Yeah. I remember my grandmother influencing me that I should never have a full smile. The gap in my teeth did not look professional. And I'm like, here I am 12 years old. How am I to even take that into my little head?

[00:07:49] Even the concept of being professional. When you get older, you might want to fix that because it doesn't look professional. So for a long time, For many photos, I look like [00:08:00] this. I think I do that too. Even as an adult, I got this little, I have this little snaggle tooth here. I can't help myself though.

[00:08:08] Now that I'm a grown person I just smile with all my face. I think it's really hard because I'm sure your grandmother meant no harm by that. Yes. No, we have a few comments here that I want to bring out here, Molly dice. She is a friend of mine from Bible college. She said, my challenge is being an influencer without being a controller.

[00:08:31] I get that. All right, Molly, you just smacked me right between the eyes with that one. So how do you influence without being a controller? That's an interesting thought right there. Linda Goldfarb says. Influence is when others invite or allow what you have to say into their lives. That is a statement.

[00:08:52] So how do you influence without being a controller? I think We have to be very conscious And just like your sweet [00:09:00] grandmother, she. Was giving you advice, influencing you, but in the process of influencing you, she didn't realize it, but she created an insecurity in you that caused you to have a belief about yourself, that you have carried forward probably to this very day, right?

[00:09:23] You have trouble. It is. Even in conversations with my hubby, he said one of the things that Most life changing moments he had was when his drama teacher told him he should stop being so noisy and projecting because that also made him become very self conscious for the rest of his life. So I don't think she was trying to be controlling in that moment.

[00:09:51] But that just planted something, but I honestly, if I want something, if I have something I really want to have [00:10:00] done, I try to set the stage, especially for my hubby, and I hate to admit this. I want him to take some advice. I make sure the mood is right. I make sure all settings point to this needs to happen.

[00:10:19] I usually feed him something. The set, the mood, as I said, you manipulate the situation. Yeah. Maybe control is more manipulation and set the stage. When you say I need a new set of glasses and just, Accidentally break some that's probably controlling manipulation. And I'm not saying that has anything to do with advice, but it can perpetuate.

[00:10:46] I got control about Philip. And it reminded me of something when I was younger, I was a songbird. I sang all the time and I just loved music so much. I came [00:11:00] from a home. There was a lot of, my parents are only about 19 years older than me. I came into the world at a great time in the mid sixties for me. I, okay, let's just be honest, 64, I'm old.

[00:11:11] And in the process, I always had music. And so I sang and I was always wanting to sing. So here I was the kid always wanted to try out for the talent shows. I got into middle school, got into choir, got into high school and thought I would find my people there. And I remember I got an award and I think I was a sophomore.

[00:11:34] And I actually was taking an upperclassmen, a theater course. And I remember being so excited because I'd been given an award that had been handed out at the school, a choral award, a singing award. And I remember coming in so excited because we just had the assembly, walked into class where there are these upperclassmen.

[00:11:52] I was like, you guys, I'm so excited. I got this award. And I remember they just looked at me and it was the whole [00:12:00] concept of, we know. We saw that automatically taught me that I'm thinking about it for years. you fight with me on this all the time. You don't really talk about your accolades, Lisa, you gotta be humble.

[00:12:16] You don't say those things, These are things that you should probably be quiet about and discreet. Linda says intentional influence is not a bad thing. It depends on our motive. Linda says, sing to us, Lisa. Come on, sing.

[00:12:33] She has to be warmed up. She has to be, she has to have her throat be zhuzhed. There are reasons why I don't sing very much anymore. Honestly. We all have the, and we're talking about childhood things. We're talking about that. But even as adults, we have the ability to make or break how successfully.

[00:12:57] Molly says, thank you, Molly. [00:13:00] There is a video recording of a very young Lisa and her friends putting on. Okay, Molly, you're going to have to put that in the comments. Linda brings up the next point that we really want to close out with. And that is when others speak negatively to us, we need to always consider the source.

[00:13:20] All of us are human. And with that, what do we do when we perhaps use our words in an influential way and it's damaging. Amber, what do you think our solution should be? When you see yourself doing those things out of manipulation or control or what if we start to grab at what somebody, we tell somebody else only because we're worried about intrinsically something within ourself that is going to be less than if they succeed with the advice we give them.

[00:13:53] I think sometimes when you give advice that people take to heart and it's negative. You feel a [00:14:00] change in the atmosphere, like all of a sudden somebody is quieter or something. If you, or they look down or their confidence changes, even if they're on the phone or in a text message, you can sense, I think there's an atmospheric change when you influence someone in a negative way.

[00:14:21] I think you have to just be mindful. When we care about People them being successful, them being confident, them being able to fully step into who God has intended for them to be. I think when we start to keep in mind how important that is, it helps us to be mindful.

[00:14:46] Husband, I've always been so grateful early on in our marriage. He's always encouraged me To embrace opportunities, situations. Even if he wasn't right next to [00:15:00] me, sometimes we have a tendency with marriage and there are moments where we do projects together, but he's always encouraged me to step out and utilize my gifts.

[00:15:09] And one time he totally shocked me. We were in a marriage classroom and we were teaching and he said, gentlemen, it's my. obligation as Lisa's husband to make sure that she walks fully in her gifts and that I am to embrace the things God's put in her, even if it doesn't include me strapped right by your side.

[00:15:34] And I remember what a freeing experience that was for me, because Sometimes we also, fight with our conscious about stepping out into those things. He added on, I believe as her husband, when I stand before God someday, I'm going to have to answer the question, Randy, what did you do with my daughter?

[00:15:59] [00:16:00] How did you allow me to be everything I made her to be? That's the question right now. We all have influence. We all bump up against. people that we can potentially pour into, give out to, encourage, build up. I love that. What are we doing with that responsibility? So I guess ultimately this week, the conversation goes to that point.

[00:16:26] How can we make sure that we're the type of person that influences someone to step in everything God has really called them and created them to be, and to be mindful in the process. Yes, we can harm. We can break down. Or we can build up. And that advice translate through the generations.

[00:16:53] Lisa said, be the kind of husband you want your girls to marry, right? That is [00:17:00] influence. That's influence and advice. That can shape a generation. Early on, you talked about Lisa, you have the ability to influence students, young people, when you're coaching them, when you're substitute teaching, whatever, that's the kind of influence I want to be.

[00:17:19] I want to be that person that instills in others to be that kind of person. The world can be a hard place. It can be a hurtful place, but it can also be a place where we can thrive. And we can go with Jesus and with Jesus minded people to encourage us every step of the way. We have enjoyed this conversation. Ladies, we're going to be praying for you throughout this week. We're going to ask that you pray for us, that we are mindful. As we explore our realm of influence, Amber, do we have any final words you want to share with us?

[00:17:56] We just value your prayers and your [00:18:00] feedback, and we want to be addressing the things that are on your heart and in your mind, if you join us over on the leading ladies book page, anyone who joins the mailing list we'll get the beautiful song. Michaela Weaver has produced for this project.

[00:18:18] Every time I hear it, I am immediately in tears. This is really a powerful song. I know I've played it for one lady and she says, I get horrible airplane anxiety. I'm just going to keep this on loop. . We would love you also to go over to our Facebook page, leading ladies life. And like that page. We are also up on our podcast platforms. Apple Spotify. Amazon. You name it, please like subscribe, share, and leave a review. We would love you guys to do that. . We love you guys. We love you. Pray that you have a [00:19:00] great week. Bye-Bye. Take care.