Do You Ever Feel Like a Hypocrite? (Why Do I Keep Tripping Over the Same Things?)

If you find yourself tripping over the same spiritual hurdles time and again despite your best efforts to grow, you're not alone. In this episode of Coffee Chat, Amber and Lisa get real about what it means to keep circling the same mountains in our walk with Christ—whether it's struggling with anger, falling into judgment, or repeating patterns we swore we'd break.

Through laughter (because, let's be honest, we process serious things with humor), honest conversation, and faith-driven wisdom, we tackle:

• The frustration of finding ourselves back in old patterns we thought we'd overcome
• How to extend grace to ourselves while still pursuing growth
• Recognizing the generational patterns we unconsciously carry
• Small, tangible steps that help create lasting change in our responses
• Trusting that even when we stumble, God is still perfecting us day by day

So grab your favorite cozy drink (and don't forget to set those clocks ahead!), and settle in as we talk about why we keep tripping over the same things in our Christian walk. Spoiler: The journey to becoming like Christ isn't a straight line.

Episode Highlights

00:00 - 03:45 - Coffee, Chiefs Kingdom updates, and springtime chatter 03:45 - 

10:15 - Introducing our topic: Why do we keep tripping over the same issues? 

10:15 - 21:30 - Breaking generational patterns and what scripture says about the old self 

21:30 - 33:15 - Handling triggers, knee-jerk reactions, and finding grace in the process 

33:15 - 45:00 - Practical steps: from realization to action, with compassion along the way 

45:00 - 54:00 - Moving beyond judgment and closing thoughts on growing in love

Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .

Transcript

Good morning everyone. Good morning. It is another coffee chat with Amber and Lisa and We are excited to be with you today.

We have some exciting news also from Chiefs Kingdom, don't we? Do we have exciting news? Taylor Swift is coming back for next season. Oh! I was like, you have some insider information? We were scared for a while. I don't know, Travis was saying He was getting old and didn't know and you know how that is when you go into a new season and all of a sudden you're like re examining okay who you are and what you're capable of and so in the oldness of Can you believe 36 in the oldness of 36 and football so old.

It is getting ready to hit the granny years here. But we didn't log on to talk about football, but why not? Why not? It's always a good thing to talk about when you're a Kansas City Chiefs fan. It looks like we started and stopped. And started and stopped our live here. So if you're very confused about that, so were we, I feel every time we turn on zoom to do this.

Something new has happened in the way that zoom does things. And so today it was just a little confusing for this old dog trying to learn new tricks with technology. Just being really honest out there, folks. But we are happy to be with you. It is a beautiful, sunshiny day in Kansas City. We haven't been able to stay that very often in the past few months in Kansas City, but it's beautiful and It's going to feel a little bit more like spring today.

How about where you're at, Amber? It is going to be like spring today. It's going to get up. I think it's 59. But one thing is bad about spring is tonight we have to spring forward and I'm not really good with that. The only thing that's nice is it will give us more sunlight in the evening, Is also very necessary right now for those of us that miss the sun.

Yes, I know that I love to get out now especially now that I have windows that I can open and I can feel the rays of the sun. There is something about just feeling the sun that just makes you feel better about life. Imminent heat is a beautiful thing. Yeah. I like it too. I am not a let me live in the sun 12 months a year person.

I don't like extreme heat, but I tell you what, I do like the warmth of the sunshine coming through a window, or even you go out and sit in the sun for a minute. It really does feel so nice, right? Speaking of he, it was so funny because I'll just speaking of he and women RH there, this viral video of a woman who has a beautiful bald head.

She's sitting out in the middle of a football game and you actually see the heat rising from her body. And it's a cold day. Yes. And it is. Yes. I saw that video. Yeah. I saw that. Oh, that was crazy. I was like, wow, she is having a heat flash for sure. Oh my goodness. That is neat. We didn't necessarily come to talk about heat flashes or football or even the seasons, but we're here and we do have some conversation for today.

I feel like it's kind of a hard conversation. Yeah, it's one of those introspective conversations that you have. Most of us have this conversation only with ourselves, and we really don't allow people to come into the picture with us because It might be embarrassing. We might feel ashamed. Maybe we feel, like we've let someone down.

Whether that's the Lord, ourselves, our loved ones. But Amber this week she said something really funny as we were just chatting about different things. Amber, your original thing had to do with laundry. Why don't you give us your funny line? Because I thought it was pretty cute. I don't even remember that.

That's the menopause

She doesn't remember what we're talking about. . It does. That's the menopause. Forget the menopause forgets. But if I can look back over our chat messages. I think it had to do with tripping over the floor. Do you remember that? Yeah. Tripping over the same things. And I'm not in.

It's not just the laundry right tripping over your same things all the time in reference to in our walk with the Lord as Christ followers. Why is it we have to circle the same mountain over and over again to learn and to grow. And I think that's a conversation that so many of us, we might not talk about it out loud with people.

Sometimes it's not something we want to let people know we're struggling with, but there are aspects to our walk. We're supposed to be becoming more like Jesus. And yet in the process, there are so many moments where we realize we're showing very little of Jesus. And why? In spite of our desire to be more like him and to live a more Christlike life, do we continue to see this old person rise up, this old man, old woman.

And I can honestly say, I look back in, in working on this other book, I was looking through my journals and it said, when I'm preaching, I'm actually preaching to myself. And I was like. That is very telling because everything I write down is something I need to hear, something I need to digest.

And you know how we say not to judge people. How many times do you catch yourself judging people? Yeah. And I always try to like back up, when something hits your brain. And some, I always try to back up and go, Whoa, that was harsh. I even found myself in a situation last night where I said to my husband, I feel like a really bad person.

I feel like a really bad person when those feelings and those thoughts come up and with Christianity, we have this viewpoint that we are to be perfect. We don't make mistakes. And if we're really a devout follower of Christ, we certainly don't continue to trip over these issues. As you said, as if it was laundry on the floor, which goodness knows we've all experienced that.

But the reality is we're in a constant state of growing in our walk with the Lord. There is no we've arrived. I know we say that and our words seem so trivial, but we're talking about the things that really. Really, you're like, wow, if people saw this, saw me in this moment, they would probably doubt.

Yeah, they wouldn't doubt the word coming out of me. They wouldn't trust a word that was coming out of our mouth, basically. No, they would struggle. And I think we all have. a humanness. Yeah, and where do we draw the line in our humanness? When do we, what does that look like to truly be repentant?

Because I don't think necessarily repentance is not tripping over those things. Maybe it's acknowledging that thing needs to change and moving towards change and moving towards what kind of things are we talking about, Amber it's interesting to me the things that, I grew up in a pretty tumultuous home, and a lot of things that I judge my father for, and he dealt with a lot of anger.

Growing up and you know how you always say you're not going to be the same person your dad was, or you're not going to be the same person your mom was, or maybe the way they parented you think I found this to be hurtful and it really didn't benefit me as a child when I have children I'm going to do things differently.

Yeah, and another thing that we felt like we couldn't do as kids growing up is talking to our parents about what really hurt us when they did what they did. Did you ever do that with your parents? Talk to them about the things they did that hurt me.

Yeah, when you were a kid. Because it was a totally different world back then. I'm not saying my parents didn't listen to me. They did listen to me and I think I was very fortunate. My parents are only about 19, actually 19 years older than me. That's not old. Yeah. A lot of age difference there.

I have a sibling who's 18 years younger than me. So for me I think they did a really good job based upon the time we were living in mid to late 60s going into the 70s. I feel like they probably were not that old children are seen and not heard generation, but they came from that generation.

I was fortunate in that they did talk to me. But also there was that still old mentality of discipline, you got good spankings, and there were certain things you didn't do and how you approach things. So I feel like my situation was a little bit different than yours.

Like my parents knew automatically if my feelings were hurt by something because of the way I was allowed to process my emotions. Not every family allows that, right? Your family was different. No, and yes that was true. And I heard an amazing quote. I'm not sure where I heard it.

And since the key to breaking generational curses, like bringing something from your parents. Into your present life, the things that you've learned is allowing yourself to be confronted by them and of desiring change. And, some people might be bothered by that term curses, breaking generational curses and I do.

There are trains of thought within Christianity that yeah, there's not really not Christians, but, I'm not saying that breaking. Damaging patterns that you pass down. When you think about that is you want to break them, right? You're still embracing them because you're not allowing people to confront the need for change, right?

So you're bringing that and you're imposing those. Ideas and habits me onto your children and, generationally passed down through the habit and processing of how we do life, and that is a hard thing because I found myself doing the things that I despise my father for doing, like yelling at my kids, cussing out my kids.

And in dealing with temper things that I thought that were never a possibility for me to do. And it's not that I'm doing that now. It's that I had my periods of, losing it, especially when the kids were little, and we will, I lost it over stupid things.

I'm like, lost it over like kids pee in their pants or kids wrecking their clothes because those were the things that were imposed on me, and it was so hard to get over those moments. Of you need to be better than this when I as a child fought to hide the things that I was doing wrong because I knew I would be dealt with the same and even more so I think bringing myself into a position of things don't matter as much as emphasis as I put on them.

And like I did when I was in my father's house. And I'm not excusing anything he did because. But he was, we were in a family of five just trying to make it through and he grew up you, everything that you get you treasure because you don't have money. And I'm not saying that everybody needs to demolish everything they have.

I'm just saying, we jump to things, and you learn it, you jump to things that maybe aren't healthy, because that's been a learned behavior. And so how do you break the learned behavior, right? And I was talking to My husband Randy last night about this a little bit too. And there are a lot of scriptures We can go to that talk about the old life the past life the things that we were before and I really do believe that we have An enemy, there is a force out there who would like to see us really dwell in the old space we were lodging in before we knew Christ.

But we talked about the scripture in Ephesians 4 where it talks about Ephesians 4 and 22 where you were taught with regard to your former way of life to put off your old self. Which is being corrupted by your deceitful desires and just to be made new in the attitudes of your mind To put on a new self created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness it is like as simple as if you think of it as putting on a new set of clothing It's a lot easier said than done.

There are, especially for women, there are outfits that we put on that are not pleasant. They're restrictive. They pull and tug and pinch in all sorts of places. We so wish they didn't. They're not comfortable. But also, putting on something new, we have to make a choice daily to take off that old person.

And I think one of the things, especially when it comes to people we love, you specifically spoke about, maybe losing it on your children in such a way that your children, Reap the wrath of your moment. I think it's really important that we go back to our children and say the things that maybe your parents didn't say.

And it's not just a lesson for your children. It's a good lesson for friendships. It's a good lesson for marriages when you know that you acted. In a manner that was less than the reflection of Jesus, and we're not all going to be perfect. We're in a said, even Jesus grew in wisdom and stature.

That means he grew in levels and stages when you find yourself. Challenged by that moment tripping over one more time. I have to remind myself. It's okay to go back and have a conversation and sometimes it's really hard to lay out that I'm sorry, but going back and saying, I don't want it to be this way between us.

I don't want us to have these feelings. This does not feel good. I a lot of times am motivated by discomfort in my behavior. Yeah. And, when you're really praying, God, change me from the inside out. I've walked, for someone like me, I've walked with you for a long time, but I still find myself sometimes being challenged with feelings of unrest and irritability over something.

Don't let me lash out. And if I do, please help me. Help me go back and apologize for what I've done. At least make the motion to say, I don't want it to be this way. I recognize that was hurtful. I recognize that really brings us no positive action whatsoever, one of the things that I feel that makes me and I've stepped back from my actions and had to evaluate.

Okay, what is the source of this, and a lot of times when I see the source. It is me operating in a trigger moment, and I'm saying it's almost like a learned reflex, like your knee being hit and automatically the leg goes. And that is hard because I find myself in moments that knock that instinct, to fight back or be angry or, do, even when you, as I said, we talked about last week, even when you go online and people are being, you see a comment you disagree with, and all of a sudden you're in a fight that you don't want to be in.

And I constantly find myself having that. It's a knee jerk reaction, isn't it? People say things, and once again, whether it's because our personalities are just different. And we take in information differently and we find certain things to be more important than the other person does, or whether we feel the person's misinformed and by golly, it's our job to set them straight right now, or anything like that.

It's so funny how we have those moments where we immediately want to do something. And then all of a sudden the Holy Spirit washes in with me and says, But can you say this in a manner that will bring me glory and honestly bring about any change to how we're discussing this to begin with or is what you're going to do put up a wall between you and this person and your ability to move forward in we have a lot of things like with one another when we disagree like that.

Yeah. We want our way. They want their way. There's more similar than different, but we forget it in that knee jerk moment. And it's so funny. Okay. So you have that thought in your mind and God tells us to take thoughts captive. And I found my mouth reacts before my thoughts of taking a captive go.

And that's the problem. Your mouth reacts before your thoughts process. And how do you slow that down? So it's taking your thought captive, your mouth running off, and then you're like, okay. And, sometimes I find myself typing something and I'm like, Oh gosh, I can't say this delete.

Because I think it's that desire to be right or that desire to. The desire for, I don't know, the hand up or the, I'm thinking better than you're thinking. And we get that with our, even in righteous moments, we have that I say especially when we think our kids are making bad decisions.

And we don't want to frame the bad decisions that we've made or sometimes admit them to say, I love you. I realize you're going to make bad mistakes but this is what I experienced from that. And ultimately you have a choice, but, in that, are we going to leverage or in our thoughts, realize we were in that period too, and we made some bad choices.

Exactly. And how do you deal with that? How do you say that without sounding hypocritical or condescending? I think it's just more of an instruction, not instruction. It is more of a sharing moment of how this decision affected your life, especially with your adult.

Adult kids. Because they're not going to take our advice. No, and it pulls so much shame. I feel like communication is always the best way to go about this. We need to talk about these moments when they happen. And you're right. Young people today, they're watching us nonstop.

And when we come across as hypocritical, that's just more ammunition to buckle down and say, okay, God and religion and church, that's for you, that's not for me because I see a double standard in what you do and who you are, the reality is that. There are also influences from the church coming and saying, you can overcome, you can be better, you don't have to do these things, and if you really know Jesus, like you say you know Jesus, you wouldn't do these things.

That's a lot of, oh wow, that's a lot to live through. The truth of the matter is that most of us do find ourselves in situations. Where we respond in manners when we have the right button pushed, when we have that. finger pointing into the part of our flesh that's the most tender and irritable.

We have that ability to act outside of the character of Jesus. I also, think about the whole concept of, sometimes scripture can really benefit, but at times it's always good to slip. Yourself into it and make it more personal kind of like in Philippians chapter 1 verse 6 where?

I'm fully convinced that the one who began his work in me Will faithfully continue the process of maturing me until the day that I meet Jesus face to face, we often don't recognize and remember that once again, we're in this process that is going to continue to change us until the day we stand face to face.

And I often wonder what that means all of a sudden we're. Perfect in his sight. All of a sudden, do we just not react anymore? I suppose that's all better left for the other side of eternity when we get to be with him that way. But I also find a lot of hope in recognizing even those saints of the church that wrote the word of God were in a constant state of change.

I'm not the same person I was five years ago. I'm not the same person I was 10 minutes ago certainly not the same young woman that first came to know Christ as a 17 year old in high school. And there's a lot that has changed. And yes, sometimes we get a little more laid back and just start to assume things about ourself.

I say when those moments happen for me, Amber, when they really start to dig on my conscience. And in my spirit, I have a choice to make in that moment. Am I going to allow this to help me evolve a step further to become more like Jesus? Or am I just going to justify my position? And stay back there moving ahead.

There are more days behind me than there are in front of me at this point in my life. And I feel like it's really important to try to keep the forward motion going. Yeah. It's what you said about, maturing in the faith. Sometimes we think we should be there. Especially when you're talking to people and perhaps getting up on a stage, perhaps writing a book that you should be better.

You should be not dealing with these things. If people only knew what you still struggle with I don't think that necessarily. The wisdom God gives you is not devoid of the struggle that you go through on a daily basis, or I wouldn't have to constantly reframe myself from anxiety moments from depressed moments.

Those are things that are in, it's the thorn in the flesh. It is the thorn that you struggle with and you don't know why you're doing it. And sometimes it's, the chemicals are, and sometimes learn behavior. And sometimes, it's what the world has its survival mode, I think from the world going on, whatever's going on in the world.

And it is, I think that the enemy of our souls can allow us to feel so guilty for the things we still struggle with, that he tries to overwrite the grace and love and the saving. Our Jesus and what Jesus did for us, because we have to admit at the end of the day this is broken. This is not fully, and what does it mean to be worked out in our faith?

It means to, moreover, take inventory of what things are you doing to hurt your life? How have you learned to hurt your life? Can we step to better? And that's my mindset of, are we always trying to step to better? I remember my father, and this is one of the things that my brother in law pointed out when we were having his, during his funeral, my father was a list maker.

And even if he didn't complete the list, he would make a new list. And we found some of those lists. And on, it's paint front door fix the pipes, be a better father, be a better husband. Can you imagine putting those things on a to do list?

I know, but you know what, Amber, I know you've shared stories about your father and how difficult it was and how his mental health was something that really kept him from being the loving father that he could have been, but also what a sweet mercy from the Lord.

For you guys to find notes like that, knowing that he knew he struggled and he knew and he wanted to do differently. That's a real compassionate way that I see the father reaching down into a situation that's very painful for you and letting you know this man didn't want to be this way. He didn't want to lay it out like this for you.

Yeah. And I think we have to take that back to our own selves in our own journey. We trip over ourselves but we, as Jesus transforms our lives, there is a natural desire to not want to, number one, hurt people, number two, tripping over the things that hurt us, and we're going to still trip.

But where does grace. Fall into the picture because we always say, Oh, this is covered in grace. This is covered in grace. And I believe that God says, if you love me, keep my commandments to, and that was the most important love God, love others.

What does that mean? It's extending love and grace. And what does that look like? And how do we do it? And it doesn't happen all at once and we fall back into our old ways. We have to extend, and I know there's a lot of people who we hear these terms, you need to have grace for yourself as well as others.

But in this situation especially when the enemy can take control These things and turn them into such shame and condemnation that he ultimately wants those emotions to come between you and God and if you can carry it deeply enough oftentimes it does I believe that having grace for yourself Recognizing there's an element of, yes, we need to hold ourselves accountable, but we also need to have grace for the fact that we are being perfected.

We are in a process of learning how to be more like Jesus. And sometimes you do something long enough, it becomes first nature. It becomes who we are to respond in a godly manner or in a way that extends as much grace to others, as we want to have extended to us. Hopefully that process is bringing about a more loving way to deal with ourselves.

And we do say that we're Constantly in a state of, I believe, new every morning, we're learning new things every morning about ourselves and One of the things that even that I mentioned in the book, we have to realize we have to come to a realization that there are certain things that we have learned that are life controlling things to be let go life controlling things that have been packed away 

and what we need to know is do those things steer our life and control our life or do they hurt the lives of others and are they serving us in any purpose? Because sometimes it's not as, it's not even as, am I hurting someone with this? Am I hurting myself? It's a, do they serve a purpose to do this?

Does this serve a purpose? This is a practice that pretty much is, it doesn't do me any good service at all. It doesn't promote being more Christ yeah. And I know that those are my doggies. Those would be my doggies, not yours. That was the older more mature dog, letting the younger dog know, stop it right now, because you hear the anger, the tone.

The putting right of the aggression. Let me set you down for a minute. I don't like that. It's, we have those, we do have those moments where we have to say enough of this. I want to make this different. And how do we say enough and how do we operate in improv?

It's not us doing that makes salvation what it is. It's not us doing that makes us. Followers of Jesus. It's all his work. But let's put some feet to this. And I think that this putting feet to this what God's called us to in love is being an example of him.

First it comes to realization, then it comes to. A desire for change, and then it comes to how can we put feet to change. That's right. And I have found myself in the middle of getting so angry, upset, where I've had to, number one, take captive the words, because I have been in the middle of yelling, I know that my kids don't respond to this in a certain environment, they're in a closed space, I can run down a list of.

Things that they're supposed to do in an aggressive way in the car. Have you done your homework? Have you turn up the, and it's bam. It's like throwing rocks at them. Exactly. When do I learn that they don't learn best in a confined space?

And they feel that aggression in me. Because it has a little bit of aggression to it. And I feel like it has to be so close to the front of our mind and maybe that's something we need to prayerfully say to, to ourselves, but also out loud to the Lord. I want this to be different.

Please help me make this different. Number one, having the realization that it needs to change is one thing, but like you said, you have to have a desire to change. Lord, help me desire to change. Help me desire to move into a different way of thinking and responding in these situations. And then ultimately, like you just said, you need to put feet on that.

Maybe it would be a good idea to put some sort of, Parameters on these types of things when they happen. Do you have an accountability partner? Do you have a spouse or someone that might be able to help you pull that back into perspective? Help you remember. Even if it's, especially if it's your children, you have adult children.

Yeah, what about saying to them, guys, I realize that this has not been a positive way to handle these things. So you need to know, even though I know your outlook on life and God and things might be different. I've asked God. To help me desire to make this different and I do believe I desire, obviously we wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't have the desire, Amber.

But also beyond that, I want to put actual feet on this situation. You guys, when you feel that this is where I'm going with this. Please help keep me accountable. Can we have a conversation? You're a young adult. Can we have a conversation, a reminder moment, like one of those code words you have over certain situations.

The same with our spouses, the same with our good friends who walk with us and walk out this type of life that we're living. of accountability to Jesus, not just this way, but this way as well. I, feel like you said some really cool things in those three short phrases, yeah. It's so funny because I told I was talking to Lisa yesterday about how I clean angry I get so fed up.

With things being dirty, and all of a sudden, I am aggressively cleaning and letting the whole house know. Yeah, and we talk about the ways that we do it. We mutter under our breath, we slam doors and cabinets, we stomp really loud so they hear us cleaning. And it is hilarious. And one of those things that we've, that I've tried not to yell as much.

Instead of yelling, why, I need you to do this and I do need you to do this. We have started saying 2319, which is if you have ever watched it, Monsters Inc,

that is the code word. We need to hurry and clean this up fast because there's some toxic waste happening here. We need to take care of this really fast. What we got going on is no good. It's dangerous. Get it out. And actually also using the words that we have been taught to use, hopefully, please.

Thank you so much being appreciative for people for even things we tell our kids over and over to do, or why don't you, I can say, why don't you flush your toilet? This is making me angry is, I don't know why, but sometimes the gross thing is like a fortified thing. You realize that when you don't flush your toilet, bacteria grows, and your toilet needs to be cleaned more often.

Yes. Sometimes those are hard things to walk away from. Yeah, it is hard because you're like, why can't you learn this? But at the same time, we're like, why can't you learn this? I often say out loud, I live with adults. There are no children in this place anymore.

And I should be going, I live with adults, not That's right. Let's do some adulting here. Adulting. It's that also that push of you feel you're like responsible for everything and you're feeling like you're responsible for everybody else's actions and you're just like, why can't you help me?

Why can't you do this? And a lot of times it's just, if I would phrase it differently, if I would, I'd say, please, can you help me with this one thing, and then. Give a few minutes to rest and please. Can you help me with this? And thank you. I appreciate you for doing this instead of me yelling or being passive aggressive because this and this, I just need to watch how I am verbalizing the needs in my life.

Exactly. And I think that's another thing that we get caught in the Kickback is we need to be verbalizing what we say and when we, if it hits to cruelty of others, just because they're doing something that we don't like how are we going to reel that back? Yeah. 

there's some serious things that we can be caught in as Christians. Yeah, there are. And I think one of the hardest, I know we're talking about our children right now, but the reality, our conversations leading up to this included so many different dynamics relationship wise, where this tends to be problematic it's the same thing when you know what you ought to do concerning your finances, but you never learn your lesson about making sure that your actual bills are paid first before you determine there's anything left to do anything else with. It's a number of different ways that we trip over the same things over and over again.

And I think what would really help us move further is If we recognize not everyone comes to their understanding their walk with God at the same tempo we do and that therein is where we get frustrated or feel they don't worship. We think they don't have enough of a relationship with God to do the right thing to do.

So maybe I need to motivate that. Maybe I need to say something. And I think often we forget. The best lessons often for me come when someone else is showing me great compassion and understanding when I offend them. When I take offense and I step in the wrong place when I am met with compassion, I find that really motivating.

It doesn't make me feel like maybe it's just a personality. It doesn't make me feel like, Oh, good. I'm in the clear now. No, it really is humbling. Yeah. And it helps me understand even more. So how patient. Father God is with me when I continually trip over the same things over and over again. And all I can say to that is just I'm grateful for that compassion that he gives.

And within the body, we should be different. We should respond differently to these situations. One, a couple of things, when I was pulling back some of the journal entries and stuff I put down this Renee Brown quote that she quoted actually from her husband. Amber loves Renee Brown.

I love Renee Brown. She has some wisdom quotes that what would happen if we assume people are doing the best they can with what they've got. Exactly. So what would lift our load if we assumed, not assume, if even with ourselves, even the things we're tripping over, and I'm not saying just willfully be hateful or willfully just do things that are over and over.

It's just I think God understands sometimes when we're doing the work, actually, I think he understands. Because he knows how we've been programmed. He knows what our tendencies are. Sometimes he knows we're doing the best with what we can, but he wants to give us the strength to do better. Yeah.

And the other thing is. We often judge people, but let's switch that to a new perspective. What people are doing is between them and God. What you think about what people are doing is between you and God. It's not between you and that person. It's between you and God. So you need, and we all need to reframe in that vein.

And I had started, that's one of the things I. start doing. And I've been put in the book about how I felt like I was judging people before I went into the mental health ward, I even how I judge people on the streets. And it was like that person must not be Christian, that person must be a drug addict, that person must not be a follower of Christ, that person, how can they take care of that poor dog?

You think about these things, right? Or that person just needs to go find a place to work, find a place to flip burgers or anything. Yeah. And we get into that mode. In a sometimes in a state that we're really not thinking through things and I had to realize that these people, not only was the difference between them and me, then it was imaginary.

It was imaginary. We're all capable of that. We tend to make judgments about other people and we can have a dialogue in our head of what we think is happening when it's not happening at all. And it can cause us once again to react instead of respond. It can cause us to, 

really say things we don't mean and to take actions that can be harmful. And I think that is part of, maturity in Christ and figuring that out. And also, you know what, when you know you are maxed out, cause let's be honest, we walk in this society. Most of us are pretty much tapped out. Every minute of our day is accounted for until the minute we lay our head down.

And. So much more so than I feel generations before us were with so many elements coming at us that they didn't have. And we oftentimes. are walking around just ready to let somebody know about it and don't stop to think about what are they coming in with, what did they carry. And I guess the other thing is transformation in Jesus should also affect that.

How we respond, react, the whole thing. We should be tempered in a very deep way. Yeah, that affects even that aspect of us getting one little bump and something sloshing out that we never intended, I think there's some key points that we can fall back into. And retaliation is a big thing.

And also we can fall into, so that's definitely the anger trigger. And we can also fall into the judgment and we can, because, I don't care how spiritually you are. It's so easy to fall into judgment. So understanding and compassion and how to reel those thoughts back in.

And I think also the desire, conviction is really important. Having conviction over if you feel bad about something that you're doing if anybody knew that you're struggling with this is there a conviction there it doesn't mean it's going to be right straight away.

But are you willing to open your mouth and admit that there's something that needs to change. And those. Movements to better are essential to maturing in Christ, walking on our faith, the workout of faith in us. We don't like workout. Who likes workout? Not me. It's sweaty. It's painful. And you don't walk straight the next day and you don't want to see it the next day.

It is definitely a stretch. And there's going to be moments where you're tempted to compromise, you're tempted to go in a different direction. It eats at you, or it causes you have to deal with the pain of maybe saying something that is causing you to have to bear consequences of, what's right.

Somebody's telling you to do something wrong, and you have to say. This is not something I can do, and if I have to do it, then I can no longer be a part of this. Exactly. I know we haven't solved world hunger here this morning, or anything like that. But I do feel like it's really nice to be able to have heartfelt and hopefully, Life changing conversations with people that recognize they want something to be different in their own personal life.

And so I'm so grateful that I have that in you. And I know that God's given us each other friends that we can have that kind of transparent. Kind of iron sharpens iron those conversations with them. I know even with my kids and with my spouse, those things can generate a new awareness in me to do things different.

I do think that this morning, it's really important to just tap into. Our understanding when you keep tripping over the same things that flesh in you is still rising up and getting caught up in the same reactions that maybe are not good for the body of Christ. They're not good for your marriage.

They're not good for your personal relationships. We get caught up in those things that we think we've dealt with and then boom, something happens that comes spilling out of us again. I feel like some key things that we came upon today were just For us, as Jesus chasers, followers who want to make a difference and want to be different.

We want to be able to be more like him. What do we put in place? To keep us from tripping over these same things. And I think you said some really important things. Number one, first of all, you had the realization. Pray that, Jesus, help me to have a realization when it happens, I'm doing it again. Make me very aware because sometimes we get so numb to life that we don't even recognize our bad behavior when it happens, or we don't even recognize when we're letting something get the best of us.

We just think, oh everybody else goes through this. I'm fine. The next thing is you need to follow that with a true desire to be different. Jesus Help me to desire to change this in myself, to realize it sooner and make a change more quickly the next time. And then, put feet on that change.

What can you put in place to keep you from tripping over the same old thing? Like I said, have a very solid conversation with those around you. That you believe God have given you to help you be accountable and really love you so much that they're going to see those flaws and be able to love you through saying, you said you wanted this to be different.

So I'm bringing this to you with love. You think we could talk about this. I think those are some really good steps you've given us today. Yeah. And I think one of the great conversations that we've been able to have even with each other is what do I do that hurts you? What are the things that I do that hurt you or make you feel small?

And we have to be willing to receive those things or not minimize what somebody else might be feeling. Yeah. And that's important. We have to be willing. I didn't say criticism. There's difference between criticism and correction and correction is not something that is said in malice.

It's said in a building way. It is said in a way that you ultimately make a choice to receive whatever is being said, or even a part of what's being said. Because sometimes correction comes with harshness that is not intended or that can actually block out the lesson you're supposed to be learning.

And that's an important place today. And I know we're all talking very long. This may be multiple sessions here on this conversation. It's funny when we what we talk about when we meet together. We love to bring people to you that we find God is using and used to impact us and to grow us.

And so we've had some of the most dynamic women, but sometimes when we talk about. Where the rubber meets the road for us personally. It is so applicable to so many of us. I love Jesus with my whole heart. He turned my world upside down. I am not the same woman. I'm not the same person. I have no idea where I would be if I had not met Christ.

He colors so much about me and yet there's still residue in me that leads back to that old girl, that older woman that sometimes gets brought up and I want it to be different. It is the Purist part of my heart to be different and I feel like these conversations are important to have and we talk about coffee chat and part of why we wanted it to be a conversation and sometimes some of the women we bring in to talk with you guys on coffee chat they're very much.

Women who have so much to give us, but we just try to pull them into this conversation with us because we want to help sisterhood recognize part of spurring one another on in Jesus is being honest, being vulnerable, being transparent. Chances are you got me figured out already just by watching me from a distance, right?

I probably don't have to tell you who I am and sometimes that's not a good thing. Me showing you who I am, right? So Jesus tempering us and having these hard conversations, I think they're beneficial to us as women. Yeah. And it does require vulnerability, humility. Honesty and a whole lot of love.

Yeah. Yeah. I am in, they, I think this is a key. This is a key to help me move forward in every day and try to get better is the prayer. God helped me love better. God helped me serve better. And God helped me know better.

Yeah. And not just knowing, but operate in a better way. Yeah. Let those words that let love and the desire to move in love actually come down into action. Amen. Amen. I think that's a good note to end on today. Yeah. We have people wanting to get to other things. Amen. We'll stop talking right here.

We're going to stop talking now and we're going to let you guys go about your lives. So it was really great this morning to meet together. Sorry for the technical difficulties getting started, ladies. We promise. We will do better next time. I still think it's a miracle that I actually go live because I know next to nothing about technology.

And we do this every couple of weeks, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to come together this Saturday morning. We have a couple of things coming up in the future. Amber accomplished a really great thing this past week. She has written her first book all on her own. She did not have any advice or feedback from the peanut gallery.

It was a challenge. It was a challenge. I've gotten to see, hear little bits and pieces, and you guys are in for a treat. Obviously you'll hear more about that project later on, as it will not be published until 2026, which seems like a long time when you just gave birth to watch the baby be introduced to the public.

But God's doing good things. He's putting things in place. We have got some cool stuff coming up for our projects together. We've got a lot of new things happening. And we are probably going to share that with you more in depth in the future. We're still waiting for some pieces to fall into place, but we just thank you for joining us today.

We ask that you'll come back. Hopefully you guys are admiring how God has designed women, sisterhood to be at the forefront of what he's doing. We're pretty awesome. And we just we have a great appreciation for what God is doing through women to help.

Be a message and open arms to those who don't have that message of love. Jesus has changed us and we should be that change for other people. So we hope you guys are having a great Saturday. Have a great Saturday. And as a reminder, we would love for you to subscribe to our podcast.

We're on all podcast Channelers. Just look for coffee. Chat with Amber and Lisa. You will find us. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. My baby bro, Josh Wesley wants me to say, keep it real with the peoples. And there's a guy on here too. Laugh out loud,

Yes, we know. We know sometimes. Find your way to the page. We're happy you're here. Guys can learn something too. And we hope you join the sisterhood conversation. We would love you. We love you guys. Thank you for a wonderful morning. We pray you have a great weekend and we'll see you back real soon.

Turn your clock spring forward, girl, everyone. Oh my goodness. Don't forget that. Are you going to be late in the pews tomorrow? All right. Take care. Bye.