Ep 42 Shedding the Veil of Shame and Embracing Connection: The Transformative Power of Coaching with Jared Schiemer

Ever felt like you were navigating life's challenges in the shadow of isolation, or found yourself tangled in the webs of shame? Marta Hamilton here, and I'm thrilled to welcome Jared Schiemer from Revelation Life Coaching to the TeleWellness Hub podcast, where we delve into the strength of coaching as a beacon of hope. Together, we explore how coaching can light up the path toward self-realization, guiding individuals to tap into their full potential and align with their life's true calling. In this heartfelt exchange, Jared and I dissect the harsh impact of shame and how it feeds into our loneliness, as well as the undeniable power of human connection to lift us out of the depths of solitude.

Our conversation takes a turn into the complimentary dance between therapy and coaching, underscoring the intricate ways they foster personal growth. While therapy offers a foundation for healing past traumas, we discuss how coaching can catapult you toward your future dreams, helping to weave a vision that drives your life forward. Embrace the liberation that comes with forgiveness and the invigorating power of vulnerability in creating connections that resonate at a deeper level. Plus, we don't shy away from the complexities of modern dating—unpacking how platforms like Instagram can serve as a lifeline of clarity and support. To our valued listeners, we extend an invitation to join the dialogue and share your own insights, because it's your engagement that enriches this journey of wellness and self-discovery.

Get in touch with Jared and Revelation Life Coaching:
https://www.revelationlifecoaching.com/

Hey there, future parents living in CALIFORNIA! Are you on the journey to conceive and looking for support and guidance along the way? Conceivable Psychotherapy is your trusted partner from conception through parenthood. Veronica Cardona, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, at Conceivable Psychotherapy, specializes in infertility, perinatal-postpartum struggles, and grief & loss.  They offer online therapy throughout California. You don’t have to do this alone; Conceivable Psychotherapy is here to help you. Connect with Veronica through her TeleWellness Hub Profile: https://telewellnesshub.com/listing/veronica-cardona-lcsw/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey there, future parents, are you on the journey to conceive and looking for support and guidance along the way? Conceivable Psychotherapy is your trusted partner from conception through parenthood. Veronica Cardona, licensed clinical social worker, a conceivable psychotherapy specializes in fertility, perinatal postpartum struggles, and grief and loss. They offer online therapy throughout California. You don't have to do this alone. Conceivable Psychotherapy is here for you. Visit their website, conceivablepsychotherapycom, or call them at 1-661-529-7207. Welcome back, amazing listeners. And here we are together again on another episode of the Televolness Hub podcast in March and Hamilton, your host, and today I'm speaking with Jared Schumer, and I'm really excited to talk with Jared. He is one of the owners of Revelation Life Coaching. To give you a little bit of a background, revelation Life Coaching's mission is to be life coaches that are passionately helping clients to transform their relationship with worth and shame through a unique coaching experience, using newfound revelation to draw out their highest and best self in service to their life's purpose. And I'm so excited. Welcome, jared.

Speaker 2: 1:26

Thank you so much. It's an honor to be here and just being able to talk with you today about what we do and what coaching is all about.

Speaker 1: 1:35

Yeah, I'm so excited too because I wanted to hit record almost before I hit record in a conversation. Before we even hit record, I got to learn a little bit about Revelation Life Coaching. I know that it's available to clients all across the US and it's really unique. I actually reached out to Jared on social media because I saw that it's a husband wife coaching team and Jared's wife. We were sharing a little bit about this before. Jared's wife is a clinician and he is a coach, so it brings like a really unique dynamic, I think. So I definitely want to dive into that, but before I do because I'm getting ahead of myself I wanted to ask you why do you do the wellness work that you?

Speaker 2: 2:28

do Absolutely. Coaching for me is really it's not a career, it's a calling. I have been in coaching capacities and in coaching relationships for at least the last five years, probably before that, and it's not so much as a career. For me, like I said, it is seeing the growth that people have and the potential that they are not using or not using. So coaches are all about finding the strengths and utilizing their strengths and building people up so that they can overcome the obstacles or the patterns that are limiting them in life.

Speaker 2: 3:12

So the reason that I am a coach is I didn't do the work, I didn't sign up, I didn't decide. It was decided for me. I feel so much of a mission pull to this work because people are struggling. I've been coached by some really authentic, incredible coaches that are really fantastic, and there is no number of value that you can put to having somebody be in your corner and allow you to grow, give you the confidence, the tools, skills and strategies that only a coach in that role would be able to give you when you're going through struggles, even victories, celebrating it with someone and achieving even more than what you thought possible.

Speaker 1: 4:08

I love that and I think you brought up something that resonated so much. I think, with the time we're in, there's so much isolation, even though we're connected through technology like this podcast is amazing. I can get to connect with you. I connected with you through social media first, but for many, the day-to-day life like you mentioned, the struggles and the victories a lot of people go about it alone or they feel disconnected or isolated. So Obviously I'm biased too, but I think there's something huge about having someone just really in your corner and Just another person on your team genuinely wanting the best for you.

Speaker 2: 4:49

Absolutely, and I'm so glad that you brought that up. They're you're leading me into our mission statement that you shared so beautifully Shame the byproduct of shame, is to be isolated. It's an identity piece that we are not enough, that we are the problem that we are X, y or Z, and it's been conditioned in us. It's an emotion. It's one of the most destructive emotional experiences that we can Deal with as human beings, and as human beings we are centered around Connection. It's a wired in us. We are packed people, we're tribal people, we have always been that way and we will always live that way in.

Speaker 2: 5:29

So it's really an epidemic right now that we're alone. And the social media, you know, being able to connect us but also influence how we see ourselves, sometimes in a negative, in a negative way. So being able to, to see Shame as one of the primary obstacles that most people are having overcome Through, you know, loneliness, isolation, lack of fulfillment those types of things are really dangerous to the human spirit because what's inside of us is so great, so powerful, and we're limited when we believe things that are not true you know you're the first person that's ever said that to me that Shame is a byproduct, or the isolation is a byproduct of that shame.

Speaker 1: 6:19

But it makes perfect sense that they're connected, that shame and isolation would be connected. Talk to me a little bit about people who come to you as clients for listeners, you're right, who are. I mean, there's an epidemic right now. A lot of us feel isolated, so maybe someone listening feels alone. They feel All isolated. How does your coaching in the realm, I guess of when it comes to relationships, how does, how do they see a difference? What kind of challenges do you help them overcome?

Speaker 2: 6:56

I love that question Because it's it's so important to me in my life. You can't be the best coach unless you've gone through something yourself, and so connection has been almost a life mission, a legacy of sorts that I want to leave, because one of the things that I've I've found is that we ask a primary question and I just got back from from spending a week with Tony Robbins at one of his conferences, and so I'm I'm fresh and I'm on fire. He has a concept about the primary question, and so we can condition ourselves with this particular primary question of why, how do I not be alone, or why am I alone, or why am I always a loner? Maybe you have a different primary question, but it's this, this ache inside of our human spirit, that knows that we're made for more, made for more authenticity, made for more connection and and and vulnerability. I think that is a buzzword that's going around right now. A lot of it I'm excited about, some of it is challenging, but vulnerability is so important. It's one of the most courageous things that's needed for our leaders, our managers, our parents, in everyone who's who's seeking to make a difference, and Vulnerability is the path to connection. So one of the things that we challenge our clients with when they come to us, and we have a multitude of different clients that come.

Speaker 2: 8:33

Some are looking for fulfillment, some are looking for relationships, some are looking to make a change in a career, but the most important relationship that you'll ever have is with yourself, and with yourself is the most. That. That relationship is where you want to focus most of your attention. Now Don't confuse that with self-care, because self-care and in your relationship with yourself are not the same thing. The relationship with yourself is being able to know, without a shadow of a doubt, who you are and who you're excited about becoming, and that becoming bold underline, italicized is the most important part, because that's, as coaches, what we're able to contribute, because your relationship with yourself is, again, the thing that's gonna make you succeed in business, the thing that's gonna make you succeed or fail in business, in relationships, in Pretty much everything. So that's the thing that you need to nail is who are you inside and who might you be trying to reject in the process?

Speaker 1: 9:47

No, I really Want to highlight that when I prepared for today for our interview, I had not even considered the relationship with yourself. But you're right, what an important relationship to focus, because it affects everything from parenting to work, to your mission, to your, your romantic relationships, friendships, all of it. Um, I you know something you mentioned that brought up a question I hear it a lot with. Sometimes they'll come up with my work with clients or just in general. I'll sometimes hear people mention that they must be doing something wrong. You asked, you talked about the primary question like why am I alone? I hear a lot of like what am I doing wrong? Is that associated with worth or shame or both? And like how can you help people who have that question? I think that's a common question like what am I doing wrong? What can they do to challenge that? Any recommendations? I know everyone's different right, but any recommendations about that?

Speaker 2: 10:53

Absolutely. What is wrong, I guess, is the question by who's standards and I think that is one of the things that's really important to challenge is acceptance is part of the path, is part of the really the healing within yourself. And so my wife, with the work that she does with Alyssa Nobriga, really, I mean, is fantastically gifted in that area as a coach and I've also been able to learn from her in that respect as well. So being able to accept that what is wrong, like there, maybe there's something that's uncomfortable, maybe I feel disconnected. What is the actual problem? Is it that you're not meeting your goals or you're not meeting your? You know your things?

Speaker 2: 11:51

What we have been trained to see and to look for through the Robins Madonna Institute is how people satisfy their six human needs. Every single person has has six, six human needs. It's certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution. That's within all of us all the time, and we use behaviors to go in and satisfy these needs. So what we see is that people are satisfying needs, but they're doing it in a low level way because they've been conditioned and programmed to meet the status quo.

Speaker 2: 12:35

Tony Robbins has this fantastic quote that I'm sure I'll butcher it. But basically we rise or fall to the level of our standards and if we're so, again, the beautiful thing about coaches is that we're here to raise the standards, to be that third party eye that is watching you on the field play the game of life. That's so difficult, so challenging, so brutal at times, but all of the pain, all of the difficulty, all of those things are gifts, their gifts that we can internalize, that have created who we already are. Everyone's been through pain throughout their life, but it's sometimes it's going back and changing the meaning of what's happened to us to be able to therefore meet our goals and our connection are you know. So it's less about what's wrong with me and more about what am I programmed right now to do, see and feel.

Speaker 1: 13:40

I feel like you brought up so many things I want to ask about because, yeah, that programming it does and influences so much. And you mentioned finding meaning, because I think you talked about behaviors and meaning, our behaviors and our thoughts. You know me thinking from like a clinician standpoint. Right, our behaviors and our thoughts are so closely tied to our belief systems and what we, what, how we find meaning is and what meanings we attach to things are so closely related. So I'm sure you can see huge shifts when people turn struggles or challenges or even pain into to something with meaning that can take the trajectory of their life in a whole different direction.

Speaker 2: 14:26

Yeah, absolutely, and one of the things that I think is so important is the question I'm the type of person that, like that is so important to ask yourself, because that is like it's. It's that's my identity. Our behaviors are, flow through who, the type of people we think we are, and if I'm not the type of person to make these jumps and take these risks and not do the great things that are set out for me, then there's no ability to do that, because the identity is the capacity of us being able to do that it's. It's our greatest gift.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yes, I love that question. I was picturing myself what I would even answer because it's such a big, open and in question, but I could see that you, it would just reveal a lot. But what about people who maybe have a low self worth? What about people who I, who, when they fill in that blank, I'm a person who and it's just thing, bullet point after bullet point of just negative things, whether I'm a person who fails at this or who struggles with this, or who hasn't achieved what I wanted to achieve. How do you help people build self-worth or what are some things people can do when they're looking at I want to build myself up.

Speaker 2: 15:49

The easiest way is a triangle to help with that. The triangle represents and this is taught from the Robbins Madonna's Training Center the triangle is the triad. So we manage our state, which controls our life, through our physiology, our focus and our language. So someone who says I can't achieve that, I struggle with this, their physiology is probably down. They're using depressive physiology. They're also focused on what they can't accomplish and they're using language that support that. If you change your physiology, you focus on what is possible and you use a language that would be able to get you there.

Speaker 2: 16:42

If I was the person that could accomplish this, what would I need in order for that to happen? So the triad is so important in changing people's states and I want to touch on something else because I think it's so important. I touched briefly about the six human needs and we could spend another 25 minutes plus on all of those, but a lot of people will meet their need of certainty or significance by a problem that they can't fix, because it makes them feel special, unique, important, which meets that need for significance. It also meets the need for certainty. Where I can meet that need, I know I can meet that need. It's comfortable.

Speaker 2: 17:26

I've been there. I'm sure you see plenty with trauma. Sometimes people are conditioned in their identity that this is just who I am. It's reworking the identity that it doesn't have to be who you are. It was maybe that for a period of time, but working with therapists and you guys doing the amazing healing work that you're doing, gives people that foundation of being able to manage themselves so that they can start to see what else is possible.

Speaker 1: 18:04

You brought up a comment. I wonder you know, in the world research shows we have a lot of research showing okay, medication plus therapy gives great results. What about doing therapy and coaching at the same time? Is that advised against or is it supported?

Speaker 2: 18:23

I haven't read specific peer-reviewed research.

Speaker 1: 18:29

I haven't either. I'm all about it. I think there's value in coaching. There's times clients come and I say this is more of a coaching topic, so I didn't know. I was just curious if you knew anything about that.

Speaker 2: 18:41

I think the distinction that is helpful when I'm trying to explain what coaching is to people is that, or the difference between therapy and coaching is that therapy is really looking at present to past and looking at what happened to you Traumas, patterns, things Coaching is really past to future, and now coaching and therapy can kind of go a little bit of you know, therapy can go a little bit future and coaching can go a little bit past In order to satisfy what the person needs to, you know, meet the level of care that they're providing.

Speaker 2: 19:23

I think that there's great value in having a therapist paired with a coach. There is always additional value. That's given that I think people can, can draw from multiple eyes on this, on the same situation, and so therapists are going to be working with, you know, things like coping mechanisms and skills and things like that, where coaching is like okay, great, now that you are settled and you have conquered those limitations in your, you know, emotional atmosphere, let's manage that state, come up with some goals that excite you, create a compelling future, and then help you with your identity, your work, to be able to, you know, launch to them. You know. Next, you know 5x, 10x, 100x, where you're seeing the return, you know, but it's important to like have the therapy that walks you to a place where you're feeling settled and good to go, and then maybe there is some overlap. It's very different for each client. We have a number of clients, some that have been through therapy, some that are currently going through therapy and coaching, and it seems to help them a lot.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Yeah, I could see how it would help because I would imagine you're having been someone who's done some, been a client of coaching and a client of therapy. I'm imagining it feel good to release and then build right, like release, depending on the situation, but right, but release, what therapy, like talk about reconstruct, if you will, and then to build, to be future oriented, to find that hope, to see kind of visualize what your ideal situation would be and to work towards that ideal highest goals, and I think you and your wife are really unique, offering and being able to work collaboratively like that.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Yeah, no, it's so important to utilize therapy and clinicians to forgive the past. I think forgiveness is kind of forgotten about. It's not about you know getting you know righting wrongs of whose wronged us. It's about letting ourselves be freed of this, being able to shed our stories and now create positive patterns that you know clinicians help with, so that we can see that, like you said, I mean what a slingshot. You do have to go backwards to go forwards at times. So, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 22:16

I like that analogy of a slingshot. You brought up forgiveness and I'm imagining forgiveness is so. You're right, it doesn't get talked about as much as compassion, but I feel like a lot of compassion can come from forgiveness, which then the compassion can help with acceptance and vulnerability and all those things that you mentioned is key elements and healing. Yeah, I agree that we could probably do. We'll probably need another to schedule up when we stop recording. We'll probably schedule the one like on the six human needs, all the different things. But I actually really do think that.

Speaker 2: 22:56

I love that?

Speaker 1: 22:58

Yeah, because I wonder, you know, I know we're getting shorter on time, but I'm just curious when it comes to then doing this work and looking at shame, looking at self worth, looking at community like vulnerable, at vulnerability. I guess, for the last kind of tidbit of practical tip, could you give some, maybe some tips for how to create a safe space to allow vulnerability within relationships. I think that's the hard time sometimes, like when communicating with a loved one or partner. It doesn't necessarily be a romantic relationship, but just how to help create a safe space for someone we love or even for ourselves.

Speaker 2: 23:47

Well, environment is everything. It's the seventh power of human beings. This really is, and to be able to create that relationship with yourself is, first and foremost, to have language around. I can be vulnerable and then just to like. Honestly, it's the language that we use dictates our behavior in so much. It's so many ways.

Speaker 2: 24:16

But being able to rehearse in your head just ways that you have been safe, that you have been accepted, and then what the possible outcomes could be of doing this behavior, because we're focused when we're trying to meet our certainty need. We're focused on avoiding fear, which is one of the most driving forces of our brain as an organ. But you know, the brain avoids pain and it seeks pleasure. That's it's primary focus and we are not our thoughts. If you think a thought, I guarantee you somebody else has had that thought and it's not our thoughts. So, being able to create an identity around yourself, empowered with language that is able to, I am somebody who does this. I am somebody that can create lasting relationships. I am somebody that wants to be honest with the deeper truth in being able to go into those vulnerable places, because vulnerability breeds connection.

Speaker 1: 25:30

I love that saying that I was thinking I am somebody that wants to keep talking about this more, because I think that open ended I am. It just brings up so much, so much and it kind of direct sounds like it could direct, because if you're saying I am someone who is working towards being vulnerable and having great communication and these other steps, I would need to do that. I remember you sharing kind of that example before. So really looking at our thoughts and our and our identity sounds like it's so, so key. I know, before we hit record, we started talking about how you have a seminar coming up in January which, by the time this airs, it will be January and, if correct me if I'm wrong, it's on. It's for people asking the question have you given up on relationships Can you talk to, can you share a little bit about that and and how people can connect with you?

Speaker 2: 26:28

Absolutely so. We're on Instagram Primarily. We do have a Tik Tok account, but Rev life coaching on Instagram, our EV life coaching, is the best way to get a hold of us and stay connected, and our seminar in January is going to be like you said. Have you given up on relationships, the dating epidemic that's going on right now across America with online dating and all these things, so it's really going to touch on that particular event or that belief. I guess that is our relationships even worth it anymore. So, and I think what people will find after going through the the seminars that they have a deeper understanding of the true purpose of relationships, the skills and tools that are needed in order to succeed in a relationship, whether you're already in one or not. But it's really for for anyone who's looking to get into relationship or strengthen the relationship that they have, because relationships are, are is where true wealth is actually.

Speaker 1: 27:48

I really love that. You know, I was just recently talking with my friends about how we really just missed a really difficult dating era that we hear about from our younger family members and friends. So I hope anyone listening go check them out on Instagram because that's a really important topic to talk about, just recognizing that it's hard out there and absolutely there is value and worth and a treasure in relationships, like you said. So sounds like it'll be a really good, good conversation. So be able to check check that out and I'm just so grateful will probably for anyone listening will probably have another repeat episode. If you have suggestions on topics you'd love to hear more about maybe I didn't ask in greater detail something that Jared shared please feel free to email me at podcast at telewannishhubcom. We've been getting some questions, follow up request, so please feel free to reach out and, jared, thank you so much for being a part of our wellness.

Speaker 2: 28:55

Marta, thank you, it's been phenomenal. We appreciate the time.