Ep 45 Navigating the Path to Your True Self: Seth Lusk on Abandoning Comfort for Authenticity

Embarking on a journey to authenticity isn't always the road well-traveled, but as Seth Lusk's inspiring story shows, it's a path that can lead to profound transformation. With Seth, a life coach, author, podcaster, and nutrition specialist, we navigate the intricate maze of self-discovery. He opens up about his transition from a conservative Christian upbringing to a life of helping others find their true selves. Our conversation is a deep dive into the ways our internal monologues shape our reality, and how shifting this dialogue can unlock our potential for personal and spiritual growth. Seth, drawing from his experiences and his book, shows us how forsaking superficial comforts for soul-enriching pursuits can lead to a life of genuine fulfillment.

This episode is a treasure trove of insights for anyone grappling with the scales of comfort and struggle in pursuit of their true aspirations. Seth Lusk guides us through the often-unspoken costs of chasing goals that don't align with our authentic selves, revealing the deceptive societal cravings for comfort and convenience. We unravel the notion that embracing our struggles is a crucial step in character development; a concept Seth has not only written about but also weaves into the fabric of his global coaching practice and podcast. It's not just about the goals we set, but about the space we create for what truly matters, and how we can rewrite our life narratives to reflect the lives we yearn to lead. Join us and connect with Seth's empowering message, a call to live authentically and rewrite our stories for the better.

Connect with Seth:
https://lifecoachseth.com/

Transcript

Marta Hamilton: 0:00

Hey there, future parents. Are you on the journey to conceive and looking for support and guidance along the way? Conceivable Psychotherapy is your trusted partner from conception through parenthood. Veronica Cardona, licensed clinical social worker, a conceivable psychotherapy, specializes in fertility, perinatal postpartum struggles, and grief and loss. They offer online therapy throughout California. You don't have to do this alone. Conceivable Psychotherapy is here for you. Visit their website, conceivablesychotherapycom, or call them at 1-661-529-7207. Hi, welcome back to another episode of The TeleWellness Hub Podcast. I'm Marta Hamilton, your host, and today I have the pleasure of speaking with Seth Lusk. He is someone that I just randomly reached out to on social media because I was so intrigued about his background and the work that he was doing. He's a life coach, published author, podcaster, nutrition specialist and owner of authentic life connection coaching services. I'm really excited to talk to him because we're going to dive into just coaching services, the cost of our goals and his book and other topics, so I'm really grateful to get to talk to you. Welcome, seth.

Seth Lusk: 1:19

Thank you for having me.

Marta Hamilton: 1:20

I'm really just to give a little bit of a background about what I learned for those listeners.

Marta Hamilton: 1:29

I learned that you grew up in a very conservative Christian home in the USA, came out to your family at the age of 17 as an openly homosexual male, and since then you've been advocating for people to come out, create an authentic life for themselves, to show the world who they are underneath all the stories of society that they told them about, who they are or who they need to be.

Marta Hamilton: 1:51

And then you moved to Switzerland I found out it's in the evening for you, morning for me in 2016. And you created your own life coaching business to help more people change their life through your message, and so you really focus on authenticity as an authenticity focused life coach. I know that I just wanted to share that just kind of a because I gathered a lot of information from your profile, from your website. So I'm I think it's, it's really refreshing when a coach is so vulnerable and authentic themselves about their story that it just I think it really captivates people. So I'm curious to ask a little bit about my first question of you why do you do the wellness work that you do?

Seth Lusk: 2:38

So my journey into kind of wellness started when I was a teenager and I was really really unhappy with my life because I was holding this big secret in that I was terrified of anyone finding out because I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist Christian home and homosexuality was I mean, when I was a teenager homosexuality was still a diagnosable mental disorder in the DSM Wow, wow, so it was. It was kind of scary and hearing people's views on gay people in the church. I was terrified of my secret getting out and people finding out about me and labeling me as some sick person. So I got into wellness because I was interested in just finding something, an outlet to use my energy and do something constructive with my life. So I got into running and eating really healthy and then, you know, I came out to my family the end of my junior year of high school.

Seth Lusk: 3:41

My senior year of high school was very challenging and graduated and my family was not going to help me with going to university because that would mean that they were supporting a homosexual lifestyle. So I had to go straight into working full-time until I was 25 and I could apply for student aid on my own outside of my family's income and I decided I wanted to do something to help people to do something with their own lives. That you know. I knew there were a lot of people out there that were hurting like me, especially young gay men who were afraid to tell their families about themselves, and I wanted to just teach people how to have something to authentically care for with themselves. So it started off being a journey about physical health, and then in university I studied psychology. I studied clinical psychology, and right before I graduated, I decided I didn't want to be a therapist, I didn't want to help people in sort of a clinical setting when it came to this. So I spoke with my advisor and changed the direction of my degree to focusing on exercise, physiology and nutrition, and I graduated with a double major in psychology and an exercise science.

Seth Lusk: 4:58

And so then, since then, I started off working as a personal trainer and nutrition specialist, helping people to overcome these fears that they had about taking care of their health.

Seth Lusk: 5:11

I worked with a lot of people that were struggling with diabetes, obesity, various metabolic disorders, ex-heart attack patients, people who had had suffered from a stroke, and helping people to really do things with their health that they thought were no longer possible for them and I noticed there was a gap in the work that I could do with these people and helping them with making healthy choices for their food and exercise, and where the real problem was.

Seth Lusk: 5:42

The real problem wasn't just knowing what foods to eat or knowing how to move their body. There was a lot going on in their inner dialogue, their talk with themselves, that was keeping them stuck in these repeating patterns. And as a personal trainer and nutrition specialist, that was like it was a walled-off area to me, but my clients would not let me into that area of their life to talk to them, and so I decided you know, I don't want to just be a personal trainer and nutrition specialist. There's something more that I want to help these people with, and that's around the time that I discovered life coaching and went back to school, got my certification to do life coaching and built my business around that the idea that I really wanted to help people to make truly authentic decisions for their life in their health, physically, mentally, spiritually all areas of their life.

Marta Hamilton: 6:34

That is amazing. I feel like you really help transform lives and you've gone through your own transformation. I'm so sorry for, like the pain and the struggle that you went through, and I'm so encouraged and inspired by the way you turn into something beautiful that, like, has a butterfly effect for others. When you mention you know living authentic and authentic life, I feel like there's a lot of fear that could surround that, like it's scary Right, like I mean just to.

Marta Hamilton: 7:05

It can be very scary to choose to live authentically. So I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that. You know, maybe there's people who have something, they're hiding or want to pursue something, but there's this fear around living authentically. What could you speak a little bit about that? And if you encounter that, maybe I'm just, you know, I'm not a life coach, so I don't know if you do encounter that, but I'm curious.

Seth Lusk: 7:32

So, yeah, a lot of the people that I work with are self-proclaimed people pleasers, you know, and they have these dreams, these goals, these desires for their life that they're afraid for people to know that they have because there's some level of shame around it, like this isn't something that I'm supposed to want to do. I've worked with mothers before that wanted to start their own business and they thought starting their own business meant made them a bad mom and that they didn't want to spend all their time with their kids. And so just really helping people, first of all, to come to terms with big picture, what it is that they truly want for their life, and noticing that the fear around living authentically is this fear of not being accepted. And this is what's so ironic about this fear is, when we really look into it, if you're not living authentically, you're not accepted. Anyways, some version of you, some role that you're playing, is being accepted, but it's like a blueberry wearing an avocado suit, and everyone you know loves the avocado, but they're not an avocado, so they're never really accepted.

Seth Lusk: 8:42

And so I try this is usually one of the first areas that I have to help people to kind of peel back the onion and see.

Seth Lusk: 8:49

The story here is that it's really all about a fear of acceptance and in the process of avoiding facing that fear of acceptance, they're rejecting themselves constantly and they're being rejected by people constantly because the version of them that's accepted isn't even them anyways.

Seth Lusk: 9:07

So they're telling themselves the story over and over again that they're not acceptable and that what is acceptable isn't them. So they're already living in that fear of non-acceptance. And really, by showing up authentically, it's the first time we actually give people the opportunity to make an authentic decision about accepting us and we can truly find the people that love us for being the blueberry instead of the avocado and find our people, find the people that it's kind of I call it calling in our team, calling in our community, and it's so sad that so many people are out there trying to avoid this feeling of being rejected but in the process they're just rejecting themselves every day. So that's one of the biggest things, the biggest messages that I wanna get out there for people is that you're not avoiding rejection by not being yourself, you're just doing it ahead of time.

Marta Hamilton: 10:04

Yeah, I mean, that is so powerful to think that you are basically having a fear of being accepted, that you're not being your authentic self, and I think I love the analogy of be a blueberry if you're a blueberry and don't wear the avocado suit, because I love that. I think you mentioned this fear and the fear of rejection and just kind of being at the core and, at the same time, really evaluating what you want, what you wanna be. Can you talk a little bit about that side then, too, cause it looks like that's kind of the antidote right To this fear and fear of not being accepted or fear of rejection and people pleasing in order to fit that role. I love the way you say you're just playing a role versus being who you really are, and I'm wondering if that's where our goals tie in. A little bit about what you want.

Seth Lusk: 11:04

Yes, yes, yes, and this is, I think, one of the most complicated processes to work with someone on is helping them to see what is an authentic goal for them, what the authentic goal is. And the way that I go about helping my clients with approaching goals is I approach it from a purpose level and energetic level, because when we can break our goal down to the very core, the energy, the value, the purpose of the goal, then the manifestation of it, the version of it that we will put out there, it's the ways that we can do that become infinite. And really that's how we become unstoppable. And going after our goals Is when we can see the purpose of it, because Then whatever method, whatever tactic, whatever strategy, whatever Representation of that goal we've chosen if you know, I think COVID was a huge wake-up call for all of us to show that things can be things that we took for granted it's just being always there, can be taken away, just like that.

Seth Lusk: 12:06

And and when people focus so much on the strategy, when people focus so much on the passion, the thing, the what versus the purpose, then they get derailed so often Because certain strategies become unavailable, you know, certain Representations of it become unavailable for us anymore. And then we're like well, what do I do now? I might. My whole entire purpose in life is gone. And when we can really look at our goals from that energetic, that purpose level, that's when our goals become truly authentic and we can start to see okay. So I'm choosing this strategy to represent this goal right now, because that's what I know is being the best way to represent it. But at any point in time, if this is no longer serving the purpose of putting this energy out into the world, contributing this value to the world it is the purpose of this then I can always shift gears and find another tactic, find another strategy, find another way to manifest this. And I'm never stuck. I've never stuck and I'm not stoppable. Nothing can stop me from fulfilling a purpose like that.

Marta Hamilton: 13:09

I love that, because strategy and passion can fluctuate, can change, but what I'm hearing is that Purpose can be really set clear and with that kind of clear definition you can always, I guess, strategize differently and all those things can fluctuate. And I love I could talk about purpose through energy, because earlier you said something and this is what I meant to bring up. You mentioned that being authentic. Instead of playing a role, you give someone the opportunity to show up for you or to respond to you or to actually Accept you. It's an opportunity and I love that opportunity where it's like an energy exchange, words similar to what you're talking about. You know your purpose energetically. It's when you have that you can, you can look at that and then give people the opportunity, I guess energetically, to show up for you Authentically you put that potential out into the world and prior to showing up authentically, that potential for acceptance is never even there.

Seth Lusk: 14:09

And it's so ironic because we're chasing acceptance but we're not even allowing ourselves to be accepted Really. It's really about putting putting that potential out there, that possibility out there for someone to truly see you and have the opportunity to accept you, to make that authentic decision of I see you and I want you in my life, and so so many of us are not giving the world the opportunity to fully see us and even make that decision.

Marta Hamilton: 14:34

Yes. So what are the costs? What's the cost of goals? Or the cost of living Inauthentically? What would you say the cost would be? Because I'm hearing, like gosh, I could think of a million things that in which way, in ways you would suffer, I guess, if you would, if you're not living your authentic self. So then I'm wondering are the goals tied to the purpose? Are the goals tied to the strategies? What'd you say about that?

Seth Lusk: 15:00

I think they're tied to both. You know the strategy is is obviously the temporary manifestation of the goal and those are going to grow and evolve as we grow and evolve and our understanding of the purpose of the goal. But as far as when we're talking about Costs of goals, this is where it gets really interesting. So, obviously, getting people to see their authentic goals first hurdle right there. Once we can see the authentic goals, I think one of the biggest challenges that we have right now in the 21st century is that we live in a time where so many generations before us have worked so hard and pushed through so many real-life dangers and discomforts and uncertainty to create Opportunity for security, safety and comfort for us. And we live in a time now where it's available to us to pursue 24-7. We can check out of our life and check into pleasure or comfort Anytime we want it's. It's right here, right in our hands, every point you know. Any moment in time you're uncomfortable. There is a distraction right there available to you to to take your mind off of what's going on in the reality of your life. And because of this, there's so much Social messaging out there, so much social programming, so much marketing tactics out there that are promoting this idea of Yolo enjoy life and, you know, live in the now and that that what this means is this whole idea of doing what feels good for you. And while I would say that when we are following our purpose, there is a sense of this feels good for us, but then there's also that side to it that when we are, when we commit to something, when we want to master something, there's going to be a cost to mastering that. There is only so much bandwidth that we have in our brain. There's only so much health that this body can carry out in its lifespan. So everything that we do, everything that we choose to manifest in the world around us, comes at a cost. And we live in this time where there's this very powerful, conflicting message that the whole point of life is to enjoy it, to find the simple pleasures in life, find the comforts in life and do what feels good for you. And it's caused a lot of people to think that the whole idea of goals is to create a life that feels better, to create a life that feels more comfortable, to create a life that feels safer, more secure, instead of us seeing the fact that the reality is life is 50-50. 50% of life is going to be struggle, uncomfortable, uncertain. 50% of life is going to be what we're great at, what we're comfortable with, what we know, what we've already learned and can do and what we love. And when we build up this idea that the point of going after a goal is to end up at a point where life is easier for us, where it's better for us, we fall into this delusion that we shouldn't be paying costs. It should feel easy.

Seth Lusk: 18:15

You know this whole kind of miss message in the personal development community that what's meant for you will come. It won't be hard, it'll just come to you. It's really bullshit. What is meant for you is not going to just come. What is meant for the way that you currently see life will come to you. The current story that you have about life, that's going to come to you. But you get to decide what you want out of life and what's meant for you. And if it's not the version of life that you're already surviving and reacting to, then there's going to be challenge. That comes along with this. There's going to be struggle.

Seth Lusk: 18:52

Your brain is going to have to change identities, change stories about life, and to the brain. That's the same as physically dying. It's dangerous to the brain. The brain creates all of these associations with all of the ego and these little mini identities that we create for ourselves. I'm a walker, I'm a runner, I'm a psychologist, I'm a life coach, I'm a this, I'm a that, and anytime we want to truly change our life, our brain has to literally let go of some of these false identities and create new ones, and that's as scary as dying to the brain. So going after what we really want is terrifying sometimes.

Seth Lusk: 19:30

It is very uncomfortable sometimes and it is going to require for us to listen to our brain throwing temper tantrums, listening to our brain sounding every single red alarm that it has and telling you stop, this is dangerous, don't go here and say, hey, listen, I got you, I understand what's going on, I understand what the sphere is coming from. This is where we're going. Get on board with me, let's go. And we have to literally pick our brain up out of that evolved avoidance of discomfort and danger and say, hey, come on, this is not going to kill us. Yes, it's difficult, yes, it's challenging, yes, we have no freaking clue what's on the other side of the store, but we're going to open it and we're going to step through and we're going to figure it out as we go and I feel like this is this is what I'm talking about when I say the price of our goals.

Seth Lusk: 20:16

The cost of our goals Is, if life is going to be 5050. No matter what, do I choose the 50% that struggle in a way that those struggles build the strengths, build the character traits, build the personality traits, build what it is that I'm going to want to be able to do to live the life that I truly desire? Will I choose the 50% discomfort? Will I choose the 50% struggle? Will I choose the 50%? I'm not going to. This is going to feel hard as hell to do in order to be able to build that life and being able to make that conscious decision ahead of time with yourself. These are costs I'm willing to pay. That's going to feel scary, that's going to feel painful. That's going to feel like deprivation to me at some point in time. I'm going to feel so restricted. I'm going to feel like I'm missing out. My brain is going to throw out all the FOMO stories I already know ahead of time. My brain is going to do this and, yes, sign me up for it, because that's the life I want.

Marta Hamilton: 21:17

Wow, that is so powerful. Seth, I'm so glad I get to interview you because I think this is a really crucial conversation in the wellness space. You talked about personal development and wellness space in general. That, I think, isn't always talked about, I think, or acknowledged right. You're right that this idea that, like we want to feel better, how do we feel better and how do we stay in the space that life does not allow us to stay in this space? Our brain is wired and beautiful to notify us of alarms and sometimes transitions into, like you mentioned, the temper tantrum. I love the way you just said that we do have control in terms of our narrative around it. Do you talk about this in your book? I guess it's a good segue. I would love to keep talking, but I'm like this would be a book I'd want to read. What do you talk about in your book? Tell us about this book you've created.

Seth Lusk: 22:09

So the book is a little bit autobiographical as well, as it's a story about how I went through life substituting cheap substitutes for what I really wanted, because for things that felt easier, for things that felt more comfortable for me to go after, only to find out that I was completely full and bloated with all of this crap and it still felt like there was a big gaping hole in my life. That's why the title of the book is what I really want is dot dot dot, but I'm just too full of dot dot dot. So it's the whole entire story about me recognizing what I truly want in life, recognizing what I'm using to substitute and distract myself from that, and then how do I create the space to bring what I really want into my life? Because I'm so full of all of this crap out here. So it's being able to go through that process of creating that space. And creating that space is terrifying sometimes when you are emptying out your life and you feel all of this empty space there and it's got to stay that way for a period of time to make room for the stuff that you truly want to come in.

Seth Lusk: 23:17

And so many of us have so many very painful, very panicked stories about boredom and emptiness in our life, that we're unwilling to go through that process of creating that space, letting that ache be there a little, just long enough for us to see what we actually want to fill that space with, instead of the substitutes.

Seth Lusk: 23:38

So that's what this book is really all about, and there's a little bit in there I talk about.

Seth Lusk: 23:44

There's one whole chapter in there where I talk about how our brain kind of perceives and interprets reality and how this then creates our stories about life and how this then creates our reality for us, because our realities are basically just our reactions to those stories that we've accepted as being true about life and we don't recognize our power in having already created those stories. So we don't recognize that we have the power to change them, because to us, we just we talk about these stories so often like their facts about life instead of recognizing wait, wait, we can wiggle in here, there's a crack there, there's more here, we can open that up. There's a whole lot more here that we can say in that story than what you're telling yourself as a fact, and so that's, yeah, that's really what the book is all about. It's all about that process of understanding what you truly want in life and finding where you're substituting and getting rid of those things, making space for what you truly want in life.

Marta Hamilton: 24:43

I again going back to what we talked about in the beginning. I love how openly you share I mean even in this book, using your own life story so that others can learn and grow too. How can people get their hands on your book?

Seth Lusk: 24:57

It's available on Amazon. So if you go on Amazon and just type in Seth Lusk or you can type in the title of the book, what I really want is dot dot dot, but I'm just too full of dot dot dot. But if you type in Seth Lusk on Amazon, you'll see my book and my podcast on there, so really easy to find if you just type in Seth Lusk in Amazon.

Marta Hamilton: 25:17

Yeah, because you do. You have your podcast. You work with clients. Do you work with clients in the US or only in Switzerland, europe?

Seth Lusk: 25:25

I have clients all around the world. All around the world, oh yeah, most well, I would say all around the world. There are some time zones that are quite challenging to try and work out. So, for instance, australia I very rarely take clients there because the time difference is very, very difficult to manage, but I have clients in the US, all over Europe. I've had clients in South Africa, some in Asia, yeah, so just kind of all over the place.

Marta Hamilton: 25:52

I love that because even your background I was just thinking how your background, your training, your experience like nutrition, your body, mind, all you have so much layers of expertise in all those areas and just I think it's awesome that you offer such a comprehensive perspective to you know comprehensive humanity, you know across the globe, so I think that's awesome. How can people connect with you?

Seth Lusk: 26:20

So really, the easiest way is on my website, wwwlifecoachsethcom. If you go there, you have all of the links to my social media, my email, you can connect with me and if you're interested in working with me, you can set up a free consultation call on the website. My blog is there, my podcast is there, links to my book are there. So really, I'd say the website is the easiest way to get in touch with me.

Marta Hamilton: 26:44

So I think it was a pleasure for those listening. It took quite a while for us to connect with due to some technical difficulties, and I am so grateful that we were able to make this episode of reality because I'm positive this will bring a lot of value to people listening. I know it brought a lot of value to me, so I'm grateful for your time and thank you so much for joining us and being a part of our wellness journey.

Seth Lusk: 27:08

Thank, you so much for having me. Thank you.