Ep 55. Empowering Intimacy: Aydrelle Collins on Sexual Wellness and Shifting Narratives in Communities of Color

Unlock the transformative powers of sexual wellness and therapy with the guidance of Aydrelle Collins, esteemed sex therapist and founder of Melanin Sex Therapy. Prepare to navigate the complexities of intimacy, confront taboos linked to sex and mental health in communities of color, and learn how to reshape sexual narratives burdened by shame into ones filled with empowerment. Adriel's insightful discussion stretches across the spectrum of couples' challenges, from discordant libidos to communication barriers, and paves the way for understanding ethical non-monogamy and rectifying gaps in sex education. Her expertise shines a spotlight on the imperative of education in rewriting our most intimate stories.

Venture with us into the heart of mindfulness and ketamine-assisted therapy, as Adriel demystifies their roles in fostering sexual well-being. Discover how simple practices like body awareness can be a gateway to deeper connections and how ketamine's therapeutic application can revolutionize relationships marred by past traumas or present misunderstandings. Melanin Sex Therapy's commitment to transcending physical borders through coaching and somatic sex education is also laid bare, offering hope and resources to those eager to embark on their own journey of sexual rediscovery. Join us as we celebrate the courage to reclaim our sexual health and create a future where every narrative is one of strength and fulfillment.

https://melanintherapy.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hi, wonderful listeners, and welcome back to another episode of the Telewellness Hub podcast. I'm Marty Hamilton, your host, and today we get to speak with Adriel Collins, all about sexual wellness. She is an LPC and a PhD student, is a distinguished sex therapist with a wealth of expertise in the field of human sexuality, with over 150 hours of specialized sex therapy training and a background as a trained somatic sex educator. She brings a unique and holistic approach to her practice and as a ketamine-assisted psychotherapist, she extends her therapeutic techniques to address both the psychological and physiological aspects of sexual well-being. Welcome, adriel. Thank you so much for joining. Thank you, thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 0:55

Yes, when I read your bio and I should have mentioned your practice name is Melanin Sex Therapy. I love the name. I love the background, like your experience, your training, the work you're doing I'm so intrigued. I think you're really pioneering something really interesting in terms of how we can apply ketamine-assisted therapy to sexual wellness and help for partners in overcoming trauma and just all the works. We got to talk a little bit before we hit record and, of course, I did some research prior, so I'm just excited to have listeners get to learn more about the work you're doing. First, why don't we start by, just if you don't mind sharing a little bit about why you do the wellness work that you do?

Speaker 2: 1:46

Yeah, I think like for me why, as I'm a black woman, so hence the name of my practice, melanin sex therapy and I have found, like in my community, like talking about sex and sexuality like those things are really taboo, and like you combine that with mental health, like that's even more taboo. And so I intentionally became a sex therapist because I wanted to like be a face, to say like hey, like I am a person of color, um, I live in the South, and like I am openly talking about sex and sexuality and mental health, and I think like it is important for people not just in my community, but people are comfortable screaming like vagina out at the top of their lungs or like they need some coaching on do that just for people to get to a place where they are comfortable with sexuality and themselves being a sexual being. I think like that is why I do the wellness work that I do.

Speaker 1: 3:04

I think like that is why I do the wellness work that I do. That's amazing. I you know you're. I think there are so many communities just speaking from a Hispanic community too where you know mental health. There's some stigma around that. Sexuality there's some stigma around that, and so I just love that you're fostering education, appreciation, encouragement to be a sexual being, and the reality is that we are wired this way right, like sexuality is part of our biology, and I love that you're bringing awareness to this area, and not just awareness but an opportunity for people to thrive in their sexuality.

Speaker 2: 3:47

Yeah, yeah, for sure, because, yeah, that is. That is definitely what it's all about for me is like thriving, like I I tell my clients like they deserve great sex, they deserve like the sex life that they want for themselves, and so to change their narrative from sex that's rooted in shame and trauma and things like that to one that's rooted in empowerment and like it's their voice, it's their narrative of what they feel like their sexuality will be like. That is like some really empowering stuff. And, yeah, I just want people to stand and thrive and their sexuality.

Speaker 1: 4:27

What are some things that you see come up in terms of the reasons or paths in which people end up going to see a sex therapist. So you know, when choosing okay, maybe I want to go into there like find a therapist what what leads people to specifically find you as a sex therapist?

Speaker 2: 5:06

Like every time, like it gets brought up, it turns into the space where there's frustration, where there's anger, and that causes them to just avoid being sexual altogether. So communication around sex One partner may have like a higher sex drive than the other partner and so that is causing some issues and they are struggling with how to navigate that are struggling with how to navigate that. People who are interested in possibly opening up their relationship, trying polyamory or ethical non-monogamy that is something that I'm seeing a lot of. And then also on the individual side because we don't get great sex ed in this country a lot of people are just struggling with how to talk to their partners about sex. If they are a person with a vulva and they're experiencing painful sex, a lot of that is rooted in trauma and so, working through some of those traumas that they've experienced, people with penises come to me for like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation to me for like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. So anything like related to sex and sexuality, that's when people tend to reach out to me.

Speaker 1: 6:13

You know you brought up your from the south and I'm in Texas. So, yeah, okay, cool, yeah. So I know that Texas is an abstinence, only sex thing, so there is like not a lot of room for conversations about any details. No, so at what age do you typically start having clients come in? Or yeah, let's start there, because then I'm also thinking from a parenting standpoint. I have younger girls, but I want them to be empowered, not feel shamed. So that'll probably be like question number two, like just kind of navigating that. But, um, you know, what age do you typically see people coming in?

Speaker 2: 6:59

so usually it's in like their, their 20s. So the youngest person I've seen is 19. The oldest person I've seen there were a couple in their 70s. So it really just depends. And it's funny, you should say like I used to teach sex ed while I was in grad school. Yeah, and I also chair the board of a nonprofit that does comprehensive sex ed for after school programs and things like that. So shout out to WISE. So, yeah, it is definitely because they did not receive that education and also because we're not really taught how to talk about sex in this country. We're not taught how to talk about sex in context of a relationship. So that is where I see people struggling the most. It's just how do we have healthy, productive conversations about sex that don't lead to the spiral, that don't lead to people being attacked or things like that.

Speaker 1: 8:02

Obviously everyone is different, but in every relationship is different. But for those people listening, what are some questions that they could like go home and take to their partners and ask, so kind of get the sexual wellness journey started. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:21

So I always encourage my couples to just make it fun.

Speaker 2: 8:25

Sex should be playful, sex should be adventurous and curious.

Speaker 2: 8:30

I love to give my couples this game called I turn myself on, I turn myself off, and it's just a fun little way to start that conversation about sex without the expectation that you have to like be sexual after.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Like you can if you want to, but there's no expectation. And so basically you can start by saying, like hey, I listened to this podcast and there was a sex therapist on there and she recommended this game called I turn myself on, I turn myself off and I like the I turn myself on because it gives you back your power and, like you take ownership of your pleasure. So I turn myself on when X Y Z happens and I turn myself off when X Y Z happens, versus putting that on your partner to make sure you get turned on. So, just having games to play like I like the little date night cards, the little let's get deep that's like my favorite game to recommend to couples and just making it fun, yeah kind of like segueing, just in terms of, you mentioned the after school, the after school programs and we don't always know how to talk about sex, maybe with our partners.

Speaker 1: 9:39

What about for for parents with their, with their kids, like any kind of just like foundational stuff? Obviously you know they can, they can even go to to you or to a sex therapist right To kind of get guidance on how to navigate things. I'm assuming would be a wonderful empowering tool as a parent.

Speaker 2: 9:56

Yeah, of course, and like I I love when I was teaching sex ed, like I love working with parents because I have a 16 year old son and so I have to have these talks like all throughout his life, and so I encourage parents to like talk to their kids early and often so. In the nonprofit that I chair we use this curriculum is called Our Whole Lives and it starts from kindergarten all the way up to elderly, so making it age appropriate. So if you have younger kids, teaching them proper names for their body parts, teaching them about private areas like what's safe touch, what's not safe touch, what's body boundaries, how do you become a good friend? Because at the core of good sex ed it's healthy relationships and if you have a relationship you can have a healthy sex life. And so, like as they get older, like, of course, talking about puberty, like boys and girls need to learn about, like menstruation and things like that, and again, boundaries, healthy relationships. And then as they get into, like their teen years, then you can start to like have like the formal physical sex talk with them. So talking to them about birth control, talking to them about pregnancy, again emphasizing boundaries and healthy relationships.

Speaker 2: 11:13

I always like to use pop culture references. So like kids watch TV so we see like a couple in the movies having sex. Like what did you notice? Did you notice they use protection? Like what do you think about that? So just asking questions and listening, and you know you don't have to know every little thing. Like kids aren't looking for you to be like the expert on sex, but like kids want to have these conversations with their parents and so just diving in just as long as you're talking to them about it, like just having those conversations and like placing your values. But like, at the end of the day, your child is going to have their own values around sex. But your values and your voice is the most important voice, whether they tell you that or not, especially when they become teenagers. But it definitely is.

Speaker 1: 12:05

I could imagine my daughters are nine. But I love that question of what did you notice, because that's just such a neutral, open-y question Like what did they notice? So I really like that. In terms of diving into healthy relationships, you mentioned, like that's a goal right Healthy relationship, healthy friendships and something that really stood out to me when I was looking at your website too is just really it sounds like you're just fostering a really healthy relationship with yourself and your own sexuality. Yes, yeah, yeah, for sure. So I'm sure there's a lot to unpack there. I'm just picturing for those who are listening and may feel like they would like a better relationship with their own sexuality, whether it's because they've experienced shame or they haven't had like the most fulfilling sexual experiences. What are some starting points that you would recommend? Insight for those people listening? Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:11

So I like to start with mindfulness and body exploration. I love to give my clients a mindful masturbation exercise because typically, when people are struggling with sex and like have had trauma around sex or just haven't had, like a fulfilling relationship with sex, they usually don't tend to masturbate or they avoid masturbation or they've developed a technique of masturbation that is just like really quick and not pleasurable and like they're not really taking the time to explore their body. So I like to incorporate a lot of mindfulness and the work that I do with people and like encouraging people to slow down, and that also creates a sense of safety around sex. Especially when you've experienced trauma with sex, safety is very, very important. So having them kind of redevelop a relationship and like what does sexual safety look like and feel like for them, if they know that they are safe and if they feel that they are safe. So, starting with mindfulness exercise, mindful body exploration, mindful masturbation and you can either do that solo or you can do that with a partner as well the mindfulness aspect.

Speaker 1: 14:28

There are some people who feel like, okay, mindfulness is this thing that I don't think I'm capable of, I can't do. You know? I don't know if you've ever received that kind of reaction. I wonder if you notice any from your clinical experience, if you notice any difference when mindfulness is applied to sexuality compared to other areas of life. Does anything kind of stand out?

Speaker 2: 14:53

Well, I think that I get the same response is that people don't feel like they can slow their brains down and, especially when it comes to mindfulness, they equate that with meditation and like meditation can be a part of mindfulness and so they think they have to sit there like quiet and like in a place like their Buddha, under the Bodhi tree or something like that. Yeah, but mindfulness isn't that. Mindfulness is just learning how to be present in the moment and learning how to be present in your body and like really slowing down and being intentional. Down and being intentional. And so when I break it down like that people really can grasp that concept of okay, like I don't have to sit somewhere and be quiet for like 20, 30 minutes.

Speaker 2: 15:45

I can start with maybe two minutes of just I'm sitting in this chair, what am I noticing? What does my butt feel like in this chair? What does my butt feel like in this chair? What does my feet feel like in this chair? Like all around me, like what am I noticing in my body in this moment? And like the more that they practice that, the more that they see like it's. It's not a difficult task to do.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Yeah, so like body awareness style mindfulness techniques, just awareness, that all the senses I'm imagining, okay, yeah, oh, that's really cool. I think those mindfulness techniques I'm sure are really helpful or effective for enhancing sexual well-being with partners. Because you brought up you know, sometimes like if, if, that, if the result is the focus or putting the responsibility on the partner and the focus there I would imagine what I love about mindfulness is it's very empowering. So being able to translate it kind of into an empowering opportunity within sexual wellness just sounds like it's a great, great opportunity for people. Um, what about the utilization of the ketamine in a therapeutic setting for sexual wellness? Can you talk a little bit about that?

Speaker 2: 17:07

Yeah, so the utilization of ketamine, I like to use it with couples, um, who feel stuck. Who feel stuck, so that could be whether they're stuck in communication or stuck in the cycle, or like there's just some aspect of talking about sex that like they just cannot get past. And so when I've worked with couples in the past using ketamine, like, I found that, like after their session, like their mind tends to be a little bit more open and they tend to be a lot more present and I don't know, I don't know how to describe it it just feels like they've overcome this block and like they are able to have those discussions openly and honestly, without fear of judgment, without fear of rejection. And then, especially for the trauma piece as well, if one of the partners has experienced a sexual trauma, working with ketamine helps them kind of get past any blocks and even helps them be more present and mindful and start to really explore what sexual safety can look like and feel like to them.

Speaker 1: 18:19

Can you? I think there are a lot of misconceptions, maybe about ketamine assisted therapy Can you walk us through what a typical session might look like?

Speaker 2: 18:29

Yeah, yeah. So before they take the ketamine, they get an intro session with me and that's where we go over, like what they can expect, like how long the session is going to be and, more importantly, like what are they hoping to get? Like what are some goals, what type of experience would they like to have on the ketamine? And just putting that mindset in place to just make sure there's not a lot of anxiety, like they're as calm and like focused as can be. And so when they come for the actual ketamine session, I do lozenge ketamine and so they take the ketamine. It takes about like 10, 15 minutes for them to start to feel the effect and I usually just have like soft music playing.

Speaker 2: 19:19

They lay down on my couch with a weighted blanket and an eye mask and if they want to do like some somatic exercises or some type of body touch work while they are on the ketamine, like they are welcome to do that and I'm welcome to do that with them. Like they are welcome to do that and I'm welcome to do that with them. Or sometimes they just want to like sit in silence or lay in silence and just like experience, like the ketamine, and have that experience in silence by themselves. And so after the session, usually like two or three days later, we have what's called an integration session, and so we talk about like what was the experience? Like Like what did you notice? Like what shifts and mindset, what blocks do you feel like you've overcome? And like how can you apply that and in your everyday life, and like how can you apply the same feelings and what you've learned and to your relationship.

Speaker 1: 20:13

I imagine that's a really powerful experience. What are some of the things you see from couples that, either individually or in their partnership or in the relationship what do you see afterwards that you can really point to the therapeutic work that you guys have done together?

Speaker 2: 20:33

Yeah, so in regards to, are you talking about with the ketamine or just therapeutic work that you guys have done together? Yeah, so in regards to, are you talking about with the ketamine or just therapeutic work in general? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 20:39

I just think like well, I know it depends, right? So I know you're doing therapeutic work. Sometimes it's ketamine assistant. There's mindfulness in there, you're looking at trauma, I guess. Just some examples. Let's talk about the ketamine, because you're probably the first person I've really read about, have seen, have gotten to talk to. So I feel so privileged that it's using it specifically with partners for sexual wellness. You are so I think. I'm imagining all the possibilities for ways in which their relationship is enhanced there. I don't know if you ever get like testimonials from them afterwards or if they share ways in which there have been shifts in their life have you?

Speaker 2: 21:21

Yeah, I definitely noticed one couple in particular. One of the partners was just really really stuck and like they thought they had like low libido. They thought, you know, they just were not, they were just disinterested in sex and they were asexual and like all of that stuff is fine, but they. I talked to them about ketamine and they were interested in trying it and they had a session. The partner with a low libido like took the ketamine and I don't know like.

Speaker 2: 21:54

They came back and we had the integration session and they just said that they felt light and like they felt like something had shifted and like they were feeling a little bit more sexual and more sexual than they had been feeling and like the last couple of years and like it was just easy for them to be more present and to want to engage with their partner sexually and to even want to initiate with their partner sexually. So I still see them from time to time. They were quite gridlocked in their sessions before they had their couple of ketamine sessions. But but when I see them there, like in this light, airy place, and like it's easy for them to get out of that gridlock, it's easy for them to like come to a solution and like be, just be with each other more fully. So I don't know like it's it's hard to explain and I think even for my clients like it's hard to explain, like the shift, but they just, they know that there is a shift and they can feel the shift. That's happened.

Speaker 1: 23:06

I think that's so amazing too, that you're I know right now you're a PhD student. I'm sure there will be a lot of really great research and we'll see your name tied to it. Yes, yes, in this field, and I think you're going to be guiding so many other therapists to be able to, to implement strategies and therapy, especially in the BIPOC community. I'm, I'm, I just love that, the work that you're doing and, um, how can people connect with you now in the meantime, to either for sessions or just to just to connect?

Speaker 2: 23:41

Yeah, so I am at melanin sex therapy, like on all my socials. So I am on Facebook, instagram, I, um I got off Twitter and.

Speaker 2: 23:52

I'm proud of myself. I got off Twitter and I'm proud of myself, so I am at melanin sex therapy on those two platforms. And, yeah, just go to my website, melaninsextherapycom and reach out to me If you are not in the state of Texas. Like I do do coaching as well, so I can do coaching sessions with people I do. Like you mentioned, I do do somatic sex education, so like that's more so like body work and like coaching, so I can do that with people who don't live in Texas. But, yeah, I'm Melanin Sex Therapy.

Speaker 1: 24:32

Great Well, thank you so much for giving us an intro into this. I feel like there are so many questions in my little my journal that I wanted to ask and just chat about, so I hope we stay connected, but in the meantime, everyone listening feel free to connect too, and thank you so much for being a part of our wellness journey. Thank you so much.