099: Keep Going: Week 10

n this 10th episode of the 'Keep Going' series on No Silver Spoons, Sarah Beth Herman delves into the journey of becoming the person God intended you to be, particularly when faced with shifting social circles. Sharing a personal story about a challenging experience with a former friend group, Sarah underscores the importance of aligning with a supportive and healthy community. She highlights that identity should be rooted in God's vision rather than societal acceptance, and offers practical advice to reaffirm relationships that truly nurture and uplift. Sarah concludes with a call to express gratitude to those who have provided a safe and encouraging space, reinforcing that the path to becoming your true self is supported by genuine connections.

Chapters

• 1:26 The Journey to Becoming Your True Self
• 1:57 A Personal Story of Seeking Belonging
• 2:53 The Reality of Unhealthy Group Dynamics
• 6:06 The Turning Point: Realizing the Truth
• 9:40 Embracing Self and Building New Paths
• 11:34 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Transcript

   📍 Welcome back to No Silver Spoons. I am Sarah Beth Herman, and this is week 10 of our 12 week Keep going series. Can you believe we only have this episode and two more left after that? We are nearing the end of this year and we are stepping into a season where intentionality it matters. These final weeks were designed to prepare you for what the next year will require of you, not in a heavy way, in a purposeful way.

This week we are talking about what it means to become the woman or man God always called you to be, especially when your circle begins to shift or to shrink. Becoming her or him is not about aesthetic. It's not about routines or matching calendars or curated morning rituals. Becoming you is when your identity is no longer shaped by who accepts you or who leaves you, but by who God says you are.

Today I want to share a story I have never shared publicly and not publicly in this way. Of course. Before I begin, I want to make something clear. I have changed the name, the job title, and several details in this story out of respect. Some of the women from this season of my life may be listening today, and this is not a story to shame anyone.

This is a story to help someone who is trying to fit somewhere. They were never meant to stay A couple of years ago, I truly believed I needed a tribe. The online world loves to show groups of women laughing together at brunch tables or walking into events and matching outfits. And every time I saw that, something inside of me whispered,

I wish I belonged to somewhere like that. I think a lot of women feel this way. We see community and we assume we are missing out on something in our own lives. We assume a bigger circle will make us feel less alone. We assume more people means more support, but sometimes a bigger circle just means bigger noise, more opinions, more expectations, more pressure.

Let me take you back to the beginning. I had been working from a coffee shop one morning with my former marketing director. We were reviewing content ideas, planning campaigns, all the things. In walks, a woman who seemed magnetic. I'll call her Maya, and instead of using her real job, I'll say this, Maya was a wellness and lifestyle strategist.

She worked in community spaces, helping women with personal development experiences, curated events, things like that. Her presence really lit up the room. She had this energy that made you instantly feel like she saw you. And we connected so fast that part of me thought it must be divine  . There's no other way to look at this, to feel about this other than divine intervention made this happen.

Looking back, I do think it was divine, but not for the reasons I had imagined. You see, I've been praying for newness, for support, for connection, and when I met Maya, I thought God had answered that prayer. And if I'm honest with you. I was tired. I felt isolated in my success. I missed having multiple friends, let alone a group of girlfriends that I could talk to.

I missed having women who understood ambition. I missed having a group where I didn't have to shrink or explain myself. So when Maya invited me into her circle, I said, yes, without hesitation, mind you. And at first, everything felt really safe . I was included in group messages.

I was invited to dinners. I was asked to join a project they were creating, and it all felt like a warm welcome. I didn't know I needed until I didn't. I began noticing something subtle. When I talked to one woman in the group, she would say something negative about another woman, and when I talked to that woman, she would say something negative about someone else.

And I found myself sitting in conversations that felt more like dissection than connection. Psychologists call this rational triangulation, and it's one of the earliest signs of unhealthy group dynamics. According to the American Psychological Association, triangulation increases insecurity in groups and it creates a false sense of loyalty built on gossip rather than trust.

I didn't see it at first. I just thought women talk, women vent. Women bond. But this was different. This was competition disguised as connection. And one afternoon I reached out to one of the women privately because she offered counseling type work, not therapy, but emotional support services. And I told her I was interested in working with her because I was in a growth season and I truly wanted to strengthen myself.

She told me she couldn't take me on because she believed it would be a conflict since I knew someone else that she was friends with, that someone else worked with several of the women in that same group. Which didn't make sense. Later I discovered that Maya had told her not to accept me as a client, and that was the first time I felt something shift inside of me.

It wasn't anger, it was awareness. Something in my spirit whispered, this is not the room you think it is, but I ignored it. I told myself I was overreacting. I told myself I just needed to keep trying because I really wanted belonging. I wanted connection, and when you crave belonging, you will shrink your intuition to hold on to connection after some time, Maya asked if I wanted to collaborate on a project.

She told me she believed we could change the world together. She told me she saw my brilliance. She told me I had a gift she didn't have, and I believed her. I wanted to believe her. I shared ideas I had been sitting on for years, business plans, strategies, frameworks. I poured gold into her hands because I thought we were building something meaningful, something rooted in purpose and impact.

But I have learned that kindness without boundaries becomes an open door for exploitation.  Slowly things began disappearing. Ideas I shared began reappearing under her name. Concepts I created were used in her programs. Taglines I coined, showed up in her online content.

The project shifted and suddenly it wasn't ours, it was hers. She spoke to me with a tone that made me feel small, dismissive,  superior, A tone I had heard before in my life when people felt threatened by my strength. In fact, she even had the nerve to talk to me after we had a group session, which we had planned out with several of our clients, and she told me that no longer did she want me to speak on events.

She wanted to be the one to speak because she didn't want me to steal her spotlight. And yes, she said it exactly like that. Research from the University of Toronto suggests that women with strong leadership presence are more likely to be undermined by other women who perceive them as competition due to something called intergender threat response.

It sounds scientific because it is, but the lived experience feels personal and painful. Eventually, it reached a point where I realized the truth. I didn't need that circle. I didn't need that validation. I didn't need that partnership. I needed myself. I needed.

The woman God was shaping me into, not the woman I was trying to become, to fit into another room. Leaving that circle was painful for me. It was confusing. Because I had met friends or I thought they were my friends, but they weren't my friends. It was freeing. It was humbling. In many ways. It was clarifying.

I walked away quietly, no big goodbye, no confrontation, no accusations. I held my dignity even when I wanted to hold my defense. I let God do the sorting. He always does.

  📍 once I stepped out, something remarkable happened. I built my own programs. I created my own mentorship paths. I found my own clients. I met people who aligned in integrity, not in security. I became her. The woman I'd always hoped I could become, but could never unlock surrounded by noise meant to dim me.

Becoming her was not about becoming someone new. It was about remembering who I was. All along. Science supports this too. Studies from Stanford University show that when individuals leave misaligned social groups, , their overall confidence and identity clarity increases up to 40%.

 So that's not just emotional, that's neurological.  Your brain literally works better when you are in spaces that honor you. And Faith says the same thing. Psalm one talks about the blessings that come from not sitting in the company of the unaligned. Proverbs teaches us that Wise companions lead to wise outcomes.

Discernment is a spiritual muscle. I learned to trust that muscle. If you are listening today and you have tried to force yourself into a room that doesn't feel like God's presence, I want you to hear this. You don't always need a bigger circle. You need a healthier one.  You need a refined one. You need a God shaped one.

This week I want you to do something simple, a pay it forward practice. Choose one woman who has been a safe place for you. Send her a message, a voice note, a handwritten card, something that says, thank you for being a soft landing in a hard world. Because becoming her is not a solo journey. It's a journey supported by the right women, the honest ones, the steady ones, the ones who celebrate you without fear.

Every episode that I record here at No Silver Spoons always has a, that's good moment. The That's Good Moment is all about recapping. What I really want you to take away from this episode. So as we close this out, here's what I want you to hold onto you. Were not created to fit into every room you were created to rise in the room meant for you.

The circle you keep will either call you higher or keep you small. Pay attention to the ones that make your spirit feel safe. You are becoming her not by accident, but by assignment. And as we close today, I want you to remember this. We are two episodes away from the end of this series. These last weeks were intentionally designed to help you walk into the new year with confidence and clarity.

 And if this series has spoken to you, I would love for you to recommend it to someone else. Send it to a friend who needs courage. Send it to a leader who feels alone. Thank you for being here. Thank you for trusting me with your growth. Thank you for letting me speak life into your world each week. I am Sarah Beth Herman, and this is No Silver Spoons.

I'll catch 📍 you on the next episode.