Persistence in Prayer with Kylie Hein

Episode 34: Is Judgment Ever Justified?

November 28, 2023 Kylie Hein
Persistence in Prayer with Kylie Hein
Episode 34: Is Judgment Ever Justified?
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Show Notes Transcript

Welcome to another episode of Persistence in Prayer! In this episode, we delve deep into a topic that touches us all, whether we like to admit it or not: judgment. We've all done it, silently sizing up others or ourselves, but have you ever considered the weight of those judgments in the confessional?

On a recent 3:00 AM drive home from adoration, Father Larry's radio talk struck a chord. He reminded me that judgment is a constant companion, whether we're scrutinizing others or ourselves. 

Join me as we explore the concept of judgment. What does it mean? What insights does scripture offer on this universal human tendency? Are we all guilty of passing judgment, even when we claim otherwise? 

And with the holidays just around the corner, the timing couldn't be more pertinent. How does the season of celebration and togetherness intersect with our tendency to judge? Can understanding and managing our judgments enhance our holiday experiences and relationships?

So, whether you're due for confession or simply curious about the role of judgment in your life, this episode invites you to explore, reflect, and perhaps gain a deeper understanding of a topic we all grapple with. Tune in and join us as we navigate the complex terrain of judgment in this thought-provoking episode.

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When was the last time you went an entire day? Without having an interior comment. AKA a thought. About someone else's clothing. Actions. Laugh. The way that they treated someone else. We all judge people. We might not like to call it that we might not say those judgments out loud. But this is something we are all guilty of. In fact on my 3:00 AM drive home the other day from adoration father, Larry was on the radio as he always is when I am driving home and I get about 15 minutes of. His talks every week. And he reminded me. That. The next time I go to confession judgment is the ones. Then I can always take with me. And he says that for all of us, because we were always judging others or we are judging ourselves. It is something that we are very much prone to. And if we say that we're not, we're probably lying. So if you haven't been to confession in a while, or maybe your next schedule for confession is coming up, That's one you can ponder on and see if it's something you need to take with you. So judgment as promised is a topic that we are going to tackle today. What is judgment? What does scripture say? How does it apply to you? And also. Why this information is important as we head into the holidays Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to the Persistence in Prayer podcast hosted by Catholic Mindset coach, wife, mother, educator, and speaker, Kylie Hine. Kylie is passionate about helping you deepen your relationship with God through the power of prayer. This podcast is a space for high achievers who want to do it all, but also want to prioritize their spiritual life and grow in faith. Join us as we explore the beauty of persistence in prayer and the transformative impact it can have on our lives. Get ready to discover practical tips, insights, and inspiration to help you develop a daily prayer practice and cultivate a deeper sense of trust in God's plan for your life. Let's journey together towards a more fulfilled and faithful life as we invite the Holy Spirit in. Let's begin./ So I want to start this episode off by just hanging out what is judgment. Exactly. So the definition of judgment is the ability to make considered decisions. Or to come to sensible conclusions. So judgment is actually, it's an act. It's doing something. And. This is a gift. This is something that we are able to do through the gift of reason. So animals would not be able to do this. They don't have the ability to reason. What does scripture say about judgment? Now I'm not talking about the general judgment where. At the end of time. Jesus is going to come back and judge us and separate us. I'm just talking about day to day judgment. So if you can think about. The holidays coming up, being around family members. This is often times when a lot of judgment may come out and. Regardless of how great we think we are. We. All have thoughts about other people. And sometimes those thoughts are good and sometimes those thoughts are not, and often they pop into our heads without our consent. And then we really have to reason through them. And determine if these thoughts are actually worth keeping or if they are not worth keeping, if they are true or if they are not true. So I'm going to give you an example. I remember it was in my high school years. I was at the gas station with someone who I loved very dearly. It was a very virtuous person. Anyone who knew this person would say that she was a woman of virtue. She did not talk bad about others. I was always supportive, always inclusive. And as we were sitting there, A. Heavier. Very. Obviously overweight woman walked out of the gas station, carrying a very large fountain drink. And the words that came out of. The person who I was with the words that came out of her mouth. We're not kind and loving. There was a comment about how maybe this woman coming out of the gas station, this overweight woman should have been drinking something else. Maybe not have the big Gulf. Okay. I can tell the story, because this was my mother, who I was with. My mother was this very virtuous woman. And I was shocked to hear these words come out of her mouth. But it was such an eye-opener to me. And looking back on it, it's a reminder that we all have these judgments come into our minds. Even if we are really striving to live a holy and virtuous life. So. If my mother was prone to it, that's I think proof that we are all very much. Prone to this than anyone who knew my mother would probably tell you the same thing. Okay. So what does scripture actually say about judgment? dOes Jesus really tell us it's not our place to judge others or perhaps is he reminding us to first make sure that we are recognizing our own faults and working to rectify them? First. So the scripture that is often quoted in terms of judgment is Matthew chapter seven. So we just look at the first line of scripture, which says, judge, not that you be not judged. It's easy to draw the conclusion that we have no right to judge anyone ever end of story. That is not our place. However. That's not really what Jesus is saying here. Rather, he reminds us that the degree of which we judge others will also be the degree to which we are judged. So do we want to go around judging others? No. Is there a time and a place where judgment is justified? Well, maybe let's get into that. So if we continue the scripture verses two through five, for, with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged. And the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye when there is no log in your own eye. You hypocrite first, take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's side. Okay. I'm sure you've all heard this. If you've paid attention at mass, you've heard. This scripture first before. So St. Thomas Aquinas tells us that there are three stipulations. By which we. Can judge acceptably. To the extent that is an act of virtue and of justice, but this can get a little bit complicated. So I'm going to try to break it down for you, so the first is just recognizing we can't be hypocritical the best way to combat that. Is to learn to slow down our thoughts and take a pause. And. To really look at this what Jesus is actually telling us, which is to judge with right. Judgment./ So something I found fascinating is I. Would not have thought of judgment as a sin. I would have thought of that as like, oh, that's a thought, but he didn't act on it. But really digging deep into this, you can see a little bit more that it is so. One of my new favorite books to reference, along with the catechism of the Catholic church is credo a compendium of the Catholic faith by Bishop Athanasius Snyder. And. For all of my book, junkies who are already putting this in their checkout cards. If this is an impulse buy, if you like to impulse buy books. This is one that I think is really easy to follow along, and it is very black and white. So if you have questions about the Catholic faith, this is an excellent resource to have on your shelf. It has the imprimatur. So we know that this is in line with Catholic teaching. So again, this is a newer book, 20, 23. It does have a study guide that goes along with it. But it is one I would recommend. I have not. Read the whole thing. But this is something that I do reference often and I would recommend it. One of the things that I found fascinating in here is it talks about. How we can sin against the reputation of our neighbor. And one of the ways that we can do that is interiorly by rash, judgment, and suspicion. So what is rash judgment? Rash judgment is an act of the mind by which we quickly condemn our neighbors person or actions as evil. Without sufficient reason or justification. Clearly this piqued my interest because my area of expertise in coaching is mindset coaching. Recognizing thoughts, looking at thought patterns, holding them up to the light of truth and helping others to discern. What to do with those thoughts and where God is calling them. Getting clarity on their next step forward. So going back to this definition, this is what we do. We don't have sufficient reason or justification, and we. Go to a rash or a snap judgment where we are quickly condemning someone else. This can be happening as quick as someone walking into a holiday party. And we start judging them on their appearance, or maybe you're at mass on Sunday and a mom brings in her kids and they are in their PJ's. And you jump to a quick conclusion. Oh my gosh, that mom couldn't even take the time to get her kids dressed. Why are they wearing their pajamas? Don't they have any kind of respect without any knowledge. Of the fact that that mom maybe had an awful morning and it was through tears and peer grit that she was able to get her and her family to mass at all. But we instantly jumped to. A conclusion without having sufficient justification without knowing the intent of the mother. And the heart of the mother. This could be again at the holidays. Judging someone else for the food they made jumping to a rash judgment. That. Oh my gosh, I have these food allergies and they couldn't even have the decency to ask me what I could eat. They didn't bring anything that I could even eat at this party. And. It's the end of the world. It might be judging someone for their relationship status. It could be judging someone for their career choices, the ways that they are living their life. For their social skills, maybe they're hiding away on their phone throughout the entire evening. Rather than engaging in conversation with other people. And here's one that has come up a lot lately. And I don't think it's ill intended. I think these are genuine mothers who really are seeking answers and guidance, but something that I've seen come up. A lot lately is women who are struggling with their in-laws. Bringing too many gifts to the house. And they don't want more toys and they don't want more stuff. Cluttering up. Their houses. They don't want more pieces to pick up. They don't want more distractions for their children. They want simplicity. And their in-laws, maybe aren't listening. Maybe clear boundaries haven't been set, whatever it happens to be. But they take it on as this judgment that their in-laws don't care about what they have to say, and they just keep bringing more and more. Toys and clutter into their homes. So this is one that I think has come up. A lot. So, how do we avoid this? How do we avoid judging others? How do we avoid those thoughts coming into our minds? How do we avoid the sin against another's? Reputation. Well, for starters, we have to learn how to start capturing these thoughts, how to start recognizing them as they come. We can't just completely get rid of judgment. That's not something that's just going to happen instantaneously, unless God. Grace's you with that gift, but I don't foresee that happening. This is something that we have to work at over time and we can improve on. So we can really just start to. Pay attention to those thoughts, particularly if they're about a certain person that keeps popping up. Or a particular category. A good way to look at this is to consider what kind of things do you judge yourself about? A lot of times what you're judging someone else on and what you're doing to yourself. On R and alignment. But the safest course is to really make sure that we are only judging the external acts of our neighbors. We can only judge their actions. We cannot judge their intent. So we have to judge the external act, only weigh that against truth and assume the best. We always want to assume best intent. No matter our history, no matter the other person's history. We want to assume best intent about their actions. At least. Or as long as there is no danger of harming a third party. And we need to leave the judgment of the other person's intentions and the state of their soul to God, because he is the only person who actually knows the other person's heart. We need to be careful about. The sin of detraction. Which is when without a valid reason, we disclose someone else's faults or failings to another person. And the sin of Calumny., which is when we make remarks contrary to the truth. That will then harm the reputation of others. So this would be the external sin is if we were too. Make a remark about the thought that we were having in our head about this other person. And then that is going to bring up false judgements. About this other person, and now we've involved a third party in this entire thing. Now I do want to say, and this is a part that I think is often unclear. This is a part that is ignored. Is it ever just. To reveal another person's sins or faults. And the answer is yes. Aside from cases protected by the seal of the confessional. And again, I'm reading from the book credo here. We may be obliged to reveal secret faults. When they endanger us. Our neighbor. The local community or the broader good of the church or state. To reveal faults in these instances are not acts of detraction, but are justice and charity. And that is the part that is so lost in our society. We are a society of. Except everyone. Love everyone. And yes, we should accept and love everyone. But we do not have to accept and love every act. When it is endangering. Us our neighbor, the community, the broader, good of the church or the state. Now. Are there some gray areas there? What does endanger technically mean? And again, this is where we really have to go back to the truths of our faith. And. Trust. In. Scripture. And the magistarium and in tradition, because that is where we are going to be able to hold these things up to objective truth. And not subjective truth. So as you go into your holiday, get togethers, or even as you go back into your workplace tomorrow, or back to your home to be around your family tonight, the key here as always is self-awareness. What are your thoughts? And are they justified? Do you have all of the information? And again, we cannot judge. The heart of another person. We can only judge the action because no matter what we do, we cannot know what is in the heart of someone else. But. We can know what is in our own heart. And we can do our own work to ensure that our judgments about ourselves are rightly ordered. And that is truly where we begin to go back and look at what is the plank in our own eye. We have to do our own work. We can also train our brains to pause when we have a thought about someone else. And we can learn to pass it through reason. So learning to take that pause. Is so key, not only in judgment. But in nurturing our relationships in. Growing and our relationship with God, but also our relationship with others. In recognizing our faults. In preventing. Wrath or unjust anger. All of these things come from having that. Holy pause. And this doesn't just happen on its own. This is something that we really have to practice. Righteous judgment, encourages discernment based on love, justice and mercy, rather than condemnation. And the emphasis here is addressing situations with the desire for positive transformation. And promoting the common good. So Jesus. Called for compassion and forgiveness and the pursuit of justice. So, if we do find a situation where we are able to judge the act, it is important that we approach that person. With love and compassion and mercy. And that we address them. One-on-one. That we acknowledge their humanity. That we show them love and compassion. But we are allowed to judge the act. Again, When it goes back to endangering. Neighbor community. The broader, good of the church or state or ourselves. In these situations, this is not an act of detraction, but an act of justice and charity. And it can be done with love. So even though we don't see this often in our culture, I just. Feel like this is a really good time to call this to. Everyone's attention. That. There is a time and a place. To judge someone's actions and there is. A time and a place. In a way that we can do this with. Love. And with. Charity and compassion for the person. So I'll give you an example that I think fits with this. Years ago I was coaching and we'd had a really great season, but we went into kind of a big game and. We had girls just not. Playing to their potential. It was a rough night and I'm. Usually pretty calm and collected, on the sidelines, but we finished the match and I went into the locker room and the girls were. Just to sterically laughing. And I mean, we got creamed by a team that we had no business even losing to. And I'm okay with a loss, but I don't like to lose when we're not playing well. And so going up to the locker room and hearing the girls just giggling and laughing. I made a rash judgment before I walked into that locker room. And I walked in and was fairly harsh with my words and jumped all over them about the way that they were reacting to this big loss that they just had. Okay. I did not have all the information. I did not know what had just happened. That locker room. I don't remember what it was. I don't know if someone fell off of a bench, there was something to do with the shoe. But I didn't have all the information and I jumped to a rash. Rush judgment. Okay. So. The next day, I was feeling bad about the way that I reacted and, I was blessed with a dear friend who was assistant coaching with me and also called it to my attention and just said, yeah, I think you went a little overboard last night. And I was so blessed, like that was an act of charity for them to tell me with love and compassion. That, Hey, you stepped over the line and. You could've reacted better. And that was the time that. Was it hard to hear a little bit, but also I already, I knew that in my heart, And so that was a place where I was able to go apologize to the girls for the way that I. That I spoke to them and to get the whole story of what actually happened, which I should have done first. I should have gotten the whole story before I jumped to the judgment. So. These things happen in our everyday lives. But it just comes down to again. Making sure that we have all of the information. Doing our own work and really understanding our own faith. As Bishop Barron puts it. He says, instead of projecting violence and negativity onto another, Jesus is teaching his listeners to turn. To the difficult, but ultimately soul enlarging task of self-criticism. And metanoia, meaning going beyond the mind that you have rooted in the Magna anima, the great soul secure, the unconditional love of the divine. One has the requisite courage to face the inner darkness. And one is liberated from the hopeful pattern of casting blame and inventing scapegoats, but it is Jesus. The judge who makes this possible. Who through the power of his soul, illumines the dark and unveils the game. So again, he's telling us this is about turning to the self, recognizing our own faults. And moving forward. By not trying to change everyone around us, but by really starting by changing ourselves. And when we are very rooted. In Christ. We are going to know when those right times to cast judgment on others might be. And again, that casting judgment. Is on their acts, not on their intentions or on their hearts./ So with that, I would love to invite you all on December 14th at 6:00 PM central. This is a new date due to some unforeseen circumstances and lingering. Illness. This is a new date for the holidays judgment free workshop. This is a free workshop that I'm hosting with. The beautiful Nikki D'Souza. And in this workshop. We are going to break down the common rash judgments often called snap judgements as well that each temperament typically has and what you can do to help prevent those. We're going to teach you how to take these judgements through the reason's cycle, so that as you prepare for your holidays, you can be a little more judgment free. And the only judgment-free towards others, but also towards ourselves, because sometimes I think the people that we judge the most. Our ourselves and belittling ourselves. Believe it or not is a sin as well. This is something that. Really was a game changer for me. And confession was recognizing that all those times that I was talking down to myself. That is not self-love and that is not what God calls us to. Do. So I would love for you to join us. Again, that is December 14th, at 6:00 PM central. You can find a link in the show notes to get registered. You can also find that information at Kylie and pine. On Instagram./ And if you're struggling with fear of judgment from other people, because we know how many judgments we have ourselves, and we assume other people are also judging us. Then I just want to remind you to go back to your identity. Of understanding. That. This sphere. Simply put is a lack of confidence in your identity as daughter of Christ, because the only person whose judgment matters. Is God's. And if that is something you are struggling with, I want to encourage you to follow this podcast because in a few weeks, we're going to have a really great guest who is going to break down a feminine genius. And identity. So stay tuned. It's not the next episode or the one after that. But it is coming and I promise you it is going to be worth it./ You should have joined in next week. I will be joined by guest Roxanne de Vera. We are going to talk about rest and she has some eye-openers for you. Rest may not mean exactly what you think./

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