Episode 38: How To Refuel When You Have Nothing In The Tank For 2024

Are you crawling into 2024 while the rest of your people seem to be running ahead full force? 

While the New Year is often a time of renewal and starting over, for many of us it feels like added pressure. We fee like we have nothing left to give and aren't quite sure if we have it in us to  keep going with our current circumstances.

In this episode, Kylie shares ways to refuel your tank when you're running on empty, and even the thought of putting gas in the tank seems like just too much effort!

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Send an email: info@kyliemhein.com

Transcript

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I have nothing left in the tank for 2024. I saw this post at a moms group and the influx of me two responses was a lot. And I thought, you know what? Yep. I totally get it. Some women are jumping on the Fiat 90 train. They have all of these great aspirations and goals, and they're just starting off with these new year's resolutions getting after it. And going full force ahead. And some of us are over here. Like, Hey, I have nothing left to give right now. So today let's refuel the fuel tank and remind ourselves that we can do this. We can. Embrace all of our circumstances and we can thrive with whatever it is that we are given when we have crisis our sides. So here we are. Welcome to the new year of 2024 with persistence in prayer. Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to the Persistence in Prayer podcast hosted by Catholic Mindset coach, wife, mother, educator, and speaker, Kylie Hine. Kylie is passionate about helping you deepen your relationship with God through the power of prayer. This podcast is a space for high achievers who want to do it all, but also want to prioritize their spiritual life and grow in faith. Join us as we explore the beauty of persistence in prayer and the transformative impact it can have on our lives. Get ready to discover practical tips, insights, and inspiration to help you develop a daily prayer practice and cultivate a deeper sense of trust in God's plan for your life. Let's journey together towards a more fulfilled and faithful life as we invite the Holy Spirit in. Let's begin./ It's a new year friends. We are in January of 2024. And we are not the same as we have ever been before. So we have new opportunities, but sometimes it can feel like those opportunities are overwhelming or we have nothing left to even explore those opportunities. Yesterday. Was January 1st and. I made a joke about something. And my husband's like, why do you put so much pressure on yourself? Um, that was a gut punch. He. It's such an incredible human being that the Lord has placed in my life and always. Gives me what I need to hear exactly when I don't want to hear it. And I really reflected on that a lot yesterday. Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Because this is not something that I've heard for the very first time. This is something that I have heard. Many times in my life and the reasons have changed over the years, but it's still true. I put a lot of pressure on myself. Is that my natural temperament? Is that just the way that I am wired? Or is it this deep desire to be different? Is it for recognition? I don't think so. Not at this point in my life. It's not to prove anything, although that used to be why I pushed myself so hard. So what is it. The answer came to me later in the day, we were going to pick up new fish for the kids. They got a fish tank for Christmas. They were really excited. And. Earlier in the day. We had been talking to my five-year old. He was talking about all the different things he wanted to be when he grew up. And we said, well, which one, what do you really want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life? And he said. I don't know. And I said, that's great, buddy. You're not supposed to know yet. And. We don't want to get set in a certain way. I said, I'm still figuring it out too. I think I know what I want to do. I just haven't quite figured out how to get all the way there yet. So, again, this was several hours later, we were in the car. And out of nowhere. My five-year-old says, mom. Why don't you just be a Saint when you grow up? And I thought. Oh buddy. I am trying, I am trying. And I realized that's one of the reasons I put so much pressure on myself is I do want to be a great Saint when I grow up. And. That's a lofty goal. Is it possible? I sure hope so. But not if I'm constantly comparing myself to all of the great saints who have gone before me. And will I ever know it in this life? No, I will not. I can just try to take one day at a time and do the best that I can. And. Not let the intrusive thoughts that I'm failing. Creep in at every single moment. Because the way that God has called me to serve and for me to live. Is very different. Than every other person. That has gone before me. And while there are a lot of similarities, there are many things I can learn. There are many things I can take from those who have gone before me. And I most certainly do. Everyone's situation is different. Everyone is called differently. So if you find yourself. Comparing. To the woman who. Is posting all of her goals. Who's already. Running the miles and been in the gym. And you did nothing for the first day of January. I just want to remind you. That that's okay. It's okay. If you did nothing different on January 1st. It's okay. If you had no resolutions. It's okay. If you have no intentions of setting any goals. Today or tomorrow. Or for all of January. I don't think that goals are bad. I am very. Challenge oriented and goal-driven. But I also know that sometimes. Most of the time. I can away overshoot and leave myself feeling very upset. So. Just take a moment. To accept where you are. And let it be okay. One of the things I think has been hardest for me is. When we shoot for a goal or it feels like we've been praying for something again and again, and it's unanswered. You know, maybe your kid is sick. Again, and again, And again, Maybe your financial woes haven't been answered this year. You've been praying for that new job or for your spouse to find the new job that they're going to thrive in. That's not going to be stressful for your family and it hasn't happened yet. Maybe you've been praying for your. Community of people for friends, good friends who have the same. Ideals and values. That you can just have deep, meaningful conversations with, and you don't have those people where you are. And a lot of things, we can brush it off. Like, you know what it's okay. The Lord knows what my good is, but sometimes staying it sometimes. I've been praying and praying, and that prayer is just still unanswered. That goal has still not been reached. And it feels defeating and it's okay to say, Lord, I'm frustrated. I am frustrated. That's okay. We begin again. And again, And remember. That just because we're starting again, doesn't mean that the starting line is still the same place. It was. That's an important concept to take away here. So, how do we refuel when we don't even want to refill all? We just want to sit in our misery Nervo. Well, you have that choice. You can do that. And maybe that is helpful for you for a little bit of time. But we don't want to stay there forever. We don't want to sit in misery and woe. The Lord does not want our entire lives to be. Sad and tragic. even the saints who had very difficult lives. They were not miserable by the time that they were working through all of those things. They were joyful because they were at a place with God where they were able to embrace their suffering and share it with him. And you might not be there. I'm not there. Okay. So things are going to feel hard and heavy, and that is okay, but we do not have to sit there and we do not have to stay there. So I have some suggestions for you. These are things that I have found very, very helpful for myself and things that I have found helpful for clients. Now, the first one is going to seem really, really obvious. Okay. Focus on all of the graces of 20, 23. Now your brain is going to resist. Your brain is going to resist this. You are going to want to jump to all of the things that did not go well. You are going to want to add, but statements. Well, this went well, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of these other things that didn't go well. Okay. Writing helps. Writing is going to help you stay focused. And I want you to write out not just a couple of things, like 50 things. 50 things. 50 ways where God has shown up in your life. Over the course of the past year. And if you can't remember over the course of the past year, start with yesterday, start with this morning. Ways that the Lord has been abundant in your life. And I promise you, even if he's felt really far away, there are things that have gone well, things that you can be grateful for. So start there 50 things don't stop until you get to 50. So all the butts aside. Tell your brain to just, you know what, this is going to be difficult for a second, but once I get going, once you get to 10, it's going to get easier. Okay. So you're going to write those down and the reason why we want to write them down. Because then when we're feeling really stuck, again, we can go back and look at those beautiful graces that God has given us. And this is really helpful. THe second one, I love this one is lean into your ideal conditions. So if you don't know what ideal conditions are. These are ways that you thrive. Now, these are different based on your temperament. And if you're new here and you don't know what temperaments are, that's okay. And if you want to know your individual ideal conditions, if you want help making a list. Jump on a 20 minute free call with me and I will help you create a list, but I'm going to give you some ideas here and you can take this and run with it. So. Part of this is knowing yourself. And again, I'm going to list off like 20 and you can pick. What is really helpful for you. Okay. So for someone. Who is high-achieving. So if you're a high achieving person, Something like having goals with clear success measurement might be really helpful for you. So I sat down after I wrote out my list of things that I was thankful for over this past year. I set out some goals and some ways that I could actually measure that I even created like a little checklist where I can go through and I can mark. Now, I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't hit those, but I know that somethings that's really important for me. Is having timelines. So if I don't have a timeline for when these goals need to get done by I'm going to keep pushing them off and they're not going to get done. So something that is an ideal condition for me is to have a timeline or someone to hold me accountable. Because these are going to push my body into go mode. When I don't necessarily want to be in go mode, but once I'm there. And I can see movement in my goal when I can see things that I am achieving. And I can see that progress has been made. It's going to snowball and I'm going to want to keep going. So for me having clear goals, but also just having something to do with a timeline. Is going to help pull me out of my. Out of my sorrows and my woes, because I'm going to have a purpose. Something that's also very helpful. This might be an ideal condition for you is having guidance for discerning proper goals. So maybe you overshoot your goals a lot. You have these big lofty ideas of what is possible and maybe they aren't all possible, or maybe they're not all helpful for you or it's not the right time for you and your family. So having someone. Who can help guide you? It might be your spiritual director. It might be your coach. It might be your spouse. Someone who can just have an open conversation who can listen. You have to be open to taking feedback from them, and then you can decide what goals are good for you. Right. For someone who is high achieving, having an opportunity to create a legacy. Or create something great is going to be really important. Maybe you want to be really great in your job. Maybe you want to be, as I mentioned before, a really great Saint, maybe you want to be really great at being a mom. And a wife. I just want to be a really great mom and wife. And not focus on my work so much, but again, I also know one of my ideal conditions is to have goals. And a lot of those are often work-related because they fuel me with a fire. They reinvigorate me and they help to pull me. Forward. When I am struggling. Okay. Now maybe you are someone who is more, you just need to find in your life. Okay. So. An ideal condition would be giving yourself many rewards. So every time you meet something, Hey, you know what you got out of bed. And you showered today and that's what you felt like you had the energy to do. Give yourself a mini reward. I can tell you. How much, a little teeny tiny sticker. Motivates my children. And, you know, what. Stuff like that sometimes motivates me to, you know, If I can. If I can complete a. Task for five days in a row, I'm going to get myself a new. Fancy pen. The freedom to socialize and be in community with others. If you are a stay at home, mom. Or you're just a, or your mom who works, but your kids have been home over Christmas break. And you've had a lot of time with your children and not a lot of time with adults. You may need some time to go socialize, to be out in the community. And I realized that this can be difficult to fit in. But it doesn't have to be in person. It could just be making time for a phone call. It could be setting your kids in front of the TV for 30 minutes to go call your best friend. And. That's what you need. If you are sanguine, this is the. The temperament that I'm under right now, an opportunity to make things more fun and compelling might be in the deal condition, an opportunity to mix things up. To make things fun. So maybe you don't follow your routine in the same order now. Different temperaments. This might be a trigger for you, but for some of us, we need that. We need to mix things up to not do things in the same order every single day. If you are melancholic, this one shows up a lot from my clients. Having time and space to process thoughts and emotions. And if you have children, this one is especially difficult. Because you have very little time to yourself. So you might have to get creative about how to make this happen. You might have to really rely on your spouse and tell them how important it is to make this happen. You might have to get up before everyone else. But that little bit of sleep that you miss. Is going to be. Compensated for. By having quiet time to yourself, you might need to laugh or cry or vent without anyone criticizing you for it. Taking time to cry. Now. Some of us, don't like to take the time to cry, but some of us need that. This could look like. Scheduling a trip to the grocery store, which is something we all need to do anyway, but you go by yourself. And you sit and cry in the car for 20 minutes before you come back inside. Because that's what you need. And you know that once you just let it out, you're going to feel so much better. Because you're the type of person who just. Needs to be able to be moody and sad sometimes and not be judged for it. So our temperaments play into the way that we respond to things saying wins. For example, it's hard for them to be around people who want to be sad because they always want to cheer them up. But they also tend to skip over their feeling sometimes and jumped the field. Good thing. They really like variety, novelty fun, but the melancholic you. He really just need to be able to be withdrawn. Sometimes. And. To be able to go deep in a conversations. To have meaningful conversations. So if you've been having a lot of superficial conversations with people that you don't see a lot over the holidays, And you haven't been able to have a deep, meaningful conversation with someone. That might be something that you need right now. So lean into that. And create the space for that. Okay. Now, if none of these have resonated with you yet, Don't give up. Okay. the last group here, the last temperament is phlegmatic and phlegmatic. They really just thrive often when there are procedures or rules and systems to really help anchor them in. So having a really good strategic system. Is something that might be helpful. So maybe you've had that in the past and you've gotten away from it. This might be. Adding to some of the chaos or disruption that you're feeling right now. So creating structured. Balance is really good for you. You might just need someone to ask you for your opinion, because. You're not someone who's just going to interject you really. Are waiting for someone to ask you what you think. But they don't know to ask you what you think, because they don't know this about your personality. And so it's okay to just, especially if it's your spouse or someone just say, Hey, I, can you ask me what I think once in a while? Get out of your comfort zone. And ask that, or even just take a dipper and say, Lord, I really need someone to start asking me my opinion. I do. And you're also going to thrive when you are in. On emotional situations. When you can just be kind of even killed you. Don't like to disrupt the water. So when there's a lot of chaos going on around you. Um, when things are heated. That's really going to be disruptive for you. So. Look for ways that you can be affirmed by for your attitude, your perseverance, your achievements, and look for ways where you can be encouraged without criticism or nagging. And sometimes that looks like. Starting small. By asking your loved ones or the people who you're around a lot. To give you what you need. Because they don't know what you need because they probably are not your same temperament. They don't understand that you need encouraged and not nagged. Because their temperament is looking at you and saying, Why haven't you finished this already? Why haven't you done this? So we are all created differently. We have to look for what helps us to thrive. And then. Once we figure out what it is like what types of conditions help us to thrive? We need to take the initiative to make that ideal condition happen. Soon. Like today. Because the sooner this ideal condition happens. And if we can even. Stack ideal conditions. It is going to rejuvenate us. And sometimes these ideal conditions happen accidentally. Recently, my son got invited for a play date and we do not live in the town where his friend was so. I was going to drive him. I had about a three hour window. I hadn't done any work in a few days, I packed my laptop. My daughter was going to be hanging out with me. I thought, you know what? We'll go to the coffee shop. She can color. She packed her dolls. I can work for a little bit. And also spend some time with her for a little while. And you guys, I forgot my whole back. I didn't have anything with me. So, you know what I did for three hours. I colored pictures. That's right. For three hours, I colored. We did art kids hub. From my phone. And we drew pictures of Christmas possums. And snowmen. And it was the best thing for my soul. Not only was I spending time with my daughter. But I had the opportunity to create. And just let go. To not focus on perfectionism. I used to, when I was a kid. I was the person who would cry if someone colored on my paper. Or if my paper got crinkled, And over the years, I started forcing myself to only. Color in pen. If I was doodling, I had to do it in pen. That way, if I made a mistake, I just had to turn it into something different. And so my daughter and I were using markers for everything. And. To tap into that creative side, where whenever I made a mistake, I just had to change it into something different or change the picture that was in my mind. It's such a good. It's such a good thing for me, because one, it. It forces me to move out of the control that I wanted of. Of the perfectionism of wanting it to look exactly like I wanted it. It let me lean into my creativity. And there was no pressure. I didn't have to finish in a certain amount of time. It wasn't a particular task that. Even had to be finished at all. I could just enjoy the moment. So while I could have welded and being frustrated that I didn't have my computer there and I wasn't getting any work done for another day of Christmas break. I was able to just. Have that ideal condition that I didn't even know that I needed. And when I returned back home, I felt so much lighter. So. Find a way. It doesn't have to be three hours. But find a way to make this happen. Find a way. Get creative. To set aside a little bit of time for you because setting aside time for you is not selfish. Now, if you're doing it eight hours a day, then yeah, maybe. But setting aside 20 minutes to yourself, an hour to yourself, even I take an hour to myself every single day. It's my hour of prayer time in the morning. And I take some time at night. And I sneak time in throughout the day. If I need to, my husband knows that I thrive when I have this time away. And if I don't have it, I am much more cranky. I am much more short tempered. I am not a great. Wife and mother. In the same way that I am. When I have this time, because that is an ideal condition for me. I need that time. To pray. I need that time to reflect. To set goals. To think about things that are meaningful to me. So it's not selfish to take time for yourself. And it's not selfish. To do something for you. Hey friend, you know how life is so busy and it feels like you have 20 tabs open in your rain at all times. I hope do it all women discern which task to set down so that they can thrive in the ones that God has created them for. I had a client who was so overwhelmed, she struggled with what to do first. And so many things were just left undone. Now she's stopped adding unnecessary things to her plate. Her favorite word is freedom and she is moving forward with guilt-free excitement. If you want to jump on this journey of a life to freedom and being able to set down some of those things that are distracting you from your true purpose, I encourage you to jump on a free 20 minute call. All you have to do is click the link in the show notes, and I will see. Are you there? Okay. The last thing you want to leave you with is as always. Go back to prayer. I'm on a St. Faustina kick. I don't know why today. She came up. And one of my reflections I was doing for prayer. And then her diary has been sitting on my bookshelf forever. I pulled it out. I started reading a little bit of it and I just want to share these things. With you because God placed them for this topic today. So one of her. Reflections. This is what Jesus said to her. This is number 1488. My child life on earth is a struggle. Indeed. A great struggle for my kingdom. But fear, not because you are not alone. I am always supporting you. So lean on me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life for yourself. But also for other souls. Especially such. As our distrustful of my goodness. I'm going to read that first part again, my child life on earth is a struggle. Indeed. God knows. He knows that there are struggles here. He endured the struggles when Christ was on earth. Is a great struggle for my kingdom. But fear not, you are not alone. We are never alone in this. God is always there, even when we can't feel him, even when it feels like we're walking through the darkness, he's always there. He is always supporting us. And he is begging us to lean on him as we struggle. Fearing nothing. He says, take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life. So when we are feeling empty, when our tank is empty, This is where we go to refuel. We can not get so focused on our work or on our circumstances that we forget about this. God who loves us, who is asking us. To invite him in to our struggle to invite him into our burdens. He desires to enter into our suffering with us. And when things are hard. A lot of times, we know we should go to God. But because it's hard, we don't really want to feel our feelings. And if we actually sit down to pray, that might happen. If we sit in the quiet, we might. Start to understand the root cause of what's going on. And it's easier to just get distracted. It's easier to say. I don't have time. Maybe we still throw up a prayer while we're going about the things that we're doing, but we don't actually stop and pause. And this is the time where we just need to tell our brains, Hey, you know what? I'm going to let Jesus take over for a little bit. Just for a little bit, I'm going to come. I'm going to set, I'm going to resist the urge to go eat a snack. To go start the laundry. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna pause for a minute. And I'm going to take a deep breath. And I'm going to let Jesus take over. And I can open all these other tabs in my brain later, but right now I'm just going to ask the Lord to reveal to me what is helpful for this moment. Lord, I need you to reveal what is helpful in this moment. And I need you. To let other, all the other stuff go to the wayside. This is St. Postina again. Number one. 1033. When I see that the burden is beyond my strength, I do not consider or analyze it. Or Proman to it. But I run like a child to the heart of Jesus and say only one word to him. You can do all things. And then I keep silent. Because I know that Jesus himself will intervene in the matter. And as for me, instead of tormenting myself, Which we all do instead of tormenting myself, she says, I use that time to love him. When I see that the burden is beyond my strength, I do not consider or analyze it or probe into it, but I run like a child to the heart of Jesus and say only one word to him. You can do all things. And then I keep silent. Now I know. I know your brain does not like to keep silent. There are so many tabs going on in there all the time. And even when you feel like you can quiet them, somebody needs you. You're always getting drawn back. But it doesn't mean that we quit trying. We always begin again. And the more times that we begin. That starting, line's going to move. It's going to move closer and closer to the Lord. Something that was so helpful. Someone said this to me the other day. The valleys and the mountains are never going to change. You're always going to have the valleys. But at some point. They aren't so deep. And that was gold to me. At some point, those valleys aren't going to be so deep. If we keep reaching. If we keep coming to the Lord. So in the season of rejoicing, I just want to remind you it's okay. If you don't feel like celebrating. It's okay. If you don't want to start something new. It's okay. If you don't have. The same goals as the people around you. In fact, I think it's pretty beautiful if you don't. But. Choose. So I've got anyway. Choose to seek him anyway, because when we take that first initial effort to do a little thing, To love the people around us. In spite of our circumstances. The Lord can take it and he can make it into a big thing. Something that's been really helpful to me when times are tough, is really going back to my plane of life. Or as I like to call it with my clients a way of being and. It's just a way that I am trying to live out my faith. It's not a checklist, although in a way it is a checklist. But it's just a way that I want to show up every day. And. I do. Utilize it as I go through my daily examine, have I done these things? Have I done them well? Did I do them because I felt like I had to do them or did I actually do them prayerfully? So, what I mean by that is I'm praying my rosary. Am I completing it because it's a task to complete or am I actually praying it? Those are things to kind of reflect on throughout your day. So I have a PDF that I use with my clients. We fill it out together. I have them reflect on it quite frequently as we go throughout my 12 week program. And I'm going to share it all with you so you can download it from the show notes, but I just want you to remember this start small. There are a lot of things on this list, but when I initially give it to them, it's pretty blank. Okay. So all of the things that are listed on here, daily, mental prayer, the rosary adoration. When I start with them, it's blank. And. I asked them the things that they are already doing consistently. And those are what I put on there. And then. Once those are well-established. They naturally start adding other things on their own. So maybe we started with adoration once a month and before you know it, they're going to adoration once a week. So. Start by the things that you are naturally doing and cross off all the rest. Don't let them distract you. They are there simply as a guide of things that you can take up later on if you so choose to, I also want to encourage you if you download this to just really be specific. So if it says daily mental prayer right next to it, How long you're going to do that when you are going to do it and where you are going to do it. It might look something like daily, mental prayer, 15 minutes at 6:30 AM. In my living room. Wherever it happens to be. Uh, so anyway, just want to share that with you. There are two different versions. There's a single page. We have a little bit more room to write, and then there's also one that has two on the same page. So you could potentially print it front and back, and you would have enough to get you through the entire month on one sheet. It's something helpful. You can fold it in half. Put it in your journal or next year bedside and just do a quick reflection. Checkmarx. when you complete something you can put partially completed or you can put, I did not do this at all, but it's not to beat yourself up about it. It's just to be really honest with. How am I showing up in my day? Did I. Did I actually pay attention to grown in this virtue or. Did I let my circumstances lead my day. So, again, start small. You don't have to do everything always start sacraments first, make sure you're going to mass. Make sure you're going to confession regularly. Daily mental prayer, rosary. And the other things is you see fit such as a desert day, once a month. An annual retreat. Maybe you do some spiritual reading or you do divine mercy. Chaplet whatever it happens to be whatever works for you, but start small and always begin again./ God bless you all. I pray. That this will find you in your time of need. And I asked for your purse to, as I continue on this journey and I ask you to pray that. Those who. Need the work that God has created me to do will find me, or that I will find them. And I also want to invite you all to join me next week. I'm going to be joined by Mira pastrami. we are going to talk about. The supernatural graces that God gives us. And what it's like when we discover what they are and how it changes the way that we approach and live our everyday life. See you then./ Beautiful souls, thank you again for journeying with me. If you have been blessed by this episode, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review. Be sure to screenshot it, share it on your social media stories, and don't forget to tag me on Instagram or Facebook at Kylie M. Hine. Stay persistent in prayer, protect your peace, and as always, share the light of Christ with everyone around you.