This is what it sounds like when life-changing treatment feels like more than treatment. The people at Turning Winds are like family to us. Welcome to the Turning Winds Podcast. My name is Kevin Zundl. Turning Winds is a full continuum of care for teens who would benefit from extra support clinically and academically.
Today I speak with the family that made the decision to do something to help their son—and who wanted to share their journey to help the next family in need. Thank you for taking the time with me today.
Kevin: What was it like in the beginning, in terms of the discussions you had as parents and figuring out whether this was something that needed to be addressed—and where to go next?
Parent: I have to say this is the most meaningful part of our story because we resisted for a very long time. We tried a lot of things, worked with a lot of specialists, and it wasn’t until administrators at our son’s school and the pediatrician simultaneously said, “You are doing the best you can, and now you need to let someone else help.”
So began our search for where to go and what kind of help. Alan and I took a road trip to look at three different places, and we did that privately. We didn’t tell anybody what we were doing, but we had been praying earnestly for clarity. One of the places we went to gave us very vague directions—turn by the big tree and the red barn, then go down this hill and we had no cell service. There was a backhoe in the middle of the road we needed to go down, and it was pouring rain, blocking the road. We set out on foot, found a place to leave our car, and went down the hill. We decided this was definitively not the place.
At the second place, we had cell coverage up to a point and then lost it, had to turn around to figure out directions, and we were late. We were anxious because of that, and again we walked away shaking our heads. It felt so wrong. We had to stay overnight because our appointment at Turning Winds wasn’t until the next day. There were a lot of tears and a lot of uncertainty about whether we were doing the right thing at all. We even contemplated not finishing the process.
The next day we walked into Turning Winds and it felt like family. We were greeted with open arms, and they listened, really listened. I remember walking out after several hours, holding each other’s hands. We looked at each other on the sidewalk and said, “This is it.”
As we drove home, several states away, Alan turned to me and said, “Do you get it?” I said, “Get what?” He said, “Don’t you get it? We had clarity.” There was literally a backhoe in the road blocking the way at the first place, we got lost at the second. It became very clear that we were doing the right thing. We left in peace, knowing we would be doing the right thing for our son.
Sharing that news with him, we weren’t sure how it would go. We thought he might run away and we might never see him again. So we chose to have support when we told him. His reaction was never something we could have imagined—he was relieved, he shed tears, and he didn’t balk at the idea at all. That was not what we anticipated.
Parent: It wasn’t just administration when we visited. It was the whole vibe of the kids. The kids actually seemed happy, whereas at the first two places it was dreary and miserable.
Kevin: I get to speak to alumni now and then for the podcast, and it’s amazing to see how developed they are in their thinking. It’s hard to imagine them anywhere else because they’re focused and live with intent and gratitude—which, as a parent, is something you really want to see.
Once you were in treatment as a family, what was your experience like—at the beginning, then throughout, and toward the end?
Parent: At the beginning it was very emotional. We learned along the way to let go of some of the control we were trying to impose and learned that connection, in the midst of chaos, was really what he needed. We listened carefully whenever we met with him and tried to take to heart the things he said to us, as well as the guidance from counselors and others we met along the way. One of the greatest things was learning that control wasn’t going to help.
Kevin: What were some moments that gave you confidence?
Parent: One was when we visited and heard our son talk more in a short visit than we had in a year. He was proud to show us around and tell us what he’d been doing. He looked healthier and happier. He really enjoyed the outdoor activities and working on the trail they were building. He just seemed happy. We were intrigued that he was learning the most outdoors—much more than indoors. That gave way to an understanding of him we hadn’t had before. We connected with him much more.
Kevin: Did you see changes in how he saw himself, or in academics?
Parent: Academics were huge. We knew from the time he was little that he was very capable, but by the time we decided treatment was necessary, he was failing all his classes and we couldn’t understand why. At Turning Winds, with a chance to focus, he finished a year’s worth of work in less than six months, and he was proud of that. He didn’t like school before, and I wouldn’t say he loved school there, but he was proud to be accomplished. He even got to graduate there, and that ceremony was super meaningful for us.
Another thing is that he became a leader at Turning Winds. From the very beginning he stepped into leadership. We saw some of it and heard a lot about it. It was very inspiring.
Kevin: How is he doing now?
Parent: He’s doing fantastic. We saw him go from being a boy to a man while he was at Turning Winds. He’s truly a man now—responsible. He’s had the same job since he left Turning Winds, and it’s been almost ten years.
Kevin: For parents listening who are confused and struggling, what would you tell them as they consider treatment?
Parent: Visit and see what’s going on. For us, the vibe of the kids was so important, as well as the staff being upbeat. It made us totally comfortable.
Parent: I was resistant until visiting. I didn’t want to ship him off somewhere. I was concerned about how that would affect our relationship. There was a lot of fear that we were going to do damage. I would counter that with this—we got so much more. We got our son back. We have a relationship beyond compare now. He didn’t used to be physically affectionate and he definitely is now.
Know that there is chaos. We had no idea the level of chaos in our home until we changed it. Once our son got the treatment he needed, we also had the opportunity to take an inward look at our own relationship, and there was a quiet in our house that we hadn’t experienced for years. I know that’s the case for so many homes—there’s so much chaos and uncertainty. We were so certain and it was so clear that Turning Winds was the right choice. Looking back ten years, we are repeat visitors at our son’s request. He and his wife invited us along the last two trips. It’s something we all look forward to. The people at Turning Winds are like family to us.
If you’re listening, my hope is that this plants a seed of hope. Take a second and give Turning Winds a call to share what’s happening in your situation. The number is 800-845-1380. I’ll say it again, 800-845-1380. And I invite you to listen to the many podcasts in this series and check out the resources available to you at TurningWinds.com
