The Exile by Ryan Cahill

We're covering the whole book in this episode! 

The buddy comedy we never saw coming! A young man who cannot stop being yeeted out of windows sets out on a quest for vengeance, only to discover a hot Italian assassin who hates most men, but especially her father. Can they free the elves trapped in an evil science experiment? 

Yes, this is actually the plot - but trust us, it rocks. 

We're off to Of War and Ruin next! Please follow along and reach out with any notes at booktwoisbetter@gmail.com and on Discord/Reddit @booktwoisbetter. <3

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Oh, golly gee whiz, Avery. We're back. Anaconda don't. My Anaconda don't. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Unless you got bones on. You think that gets people out to to a wedding dance floor these days? Yeah, right after the cha cha slide. What did I do? I was at my sister's wedding and I did I was gonna say the super I did not do the Super Bowl shuffle. What's to the left? To the left.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

That's the cha cha slide. What's two steps this time? Choo.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I was doing that.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Yeah. I mean that's the that's what I'm saying. It's the quintessential wedding dance force on the code.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

I was pretty intimidated because I didn't know it. Turns out it's like four moves, and the guy tells you exactly what to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

You okay, but funny enough, at the last wedding I was at, I realized I forgot how the YMCA works. Like the direction of the sea? Wait, no, it's not the YMCA. It's the um hot to go or chapel run. What's the uh head shoulders the macaron?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Oh, you're thinking of an old meat stick dance by fish.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yes, yes, yes. No, I know that that dance intimately. We know the meat stick dance.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

You know what we never did review of fish at the sphere?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

I'll do you one better. I have a pitch for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Fish academic conference at Oregon State University. Is that real? It is real. Wow. They do a full-blown concert in Corvallis with up like 50 academics that come present research.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Wow. With Portland's favorite uh fish cover band, Shafty.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Well, it has like whole like fan like groups that come too. It's like a it's a convention. How do I not know about this? Uh Jamboss told me about it today and said Dragon Steel. I'm gonna go to this. Jamboss says he gets like drunk with his brother each year and tries to apply for random presentations so he can go, and they always deny him.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

This is a presentation on my favorite fish songs from 1997 fall. But we're gonna look into it. We gotta look into it. Okay. Um, welcome back, my friend. I know. And listeners.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

With uh we're coming back off the top of our our Mount Olympus. Um hopefully you listen to the last episode because it's a banger.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Travis wept for their no more podcast interviews to be had.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

We we did have a bad come down, like a legitimate small depression moment.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

It was a weird it was You got depressed because you're like, what do I do with my life now? And I got depressed because I was like, I think I just embarrassed myself in front of this author I like. And I think he hates me.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I think we had a very good time with him, and he was a very kind and yeah, we haven't like recorded anything since then. So shout out Ryan for coming on the pod. I mean, you're the best.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Um, such a nice guy. So glad he agreed to come on. And I can't speak for him. I really enjoyed our conversation. I did too. Really interesting guy, very thoughtful.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

You know, I don't think we're the most sycophantic podcast co-hosts that exist in the fantasy space, but you know, giving him his his uh laurels here, I don't think that's the right word. But uh such a genuine rising, such a genuine, intelligent, thoughtful guy who was like, Yeah, I don't know, just really, really fun to hear about his approach to writing and life. And um yeah, I I appreciated him a lot.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Yeah, ton of fun. For our first interview, I I we couldn't have gotten a nicer guy or an easier interview, I think. That boy can talk, let me tell you. Hell yeah. Made our jobs easy. Okay. Well, today it's novella time. Once again. What do we call it? Like book two and a half. Book two and a half is better. The exile. Just exile. Wait. Sorry, it's the exile. Oh, okay. I was like, holy shit, is it just exile?

SPEAKER_01 4:25

He keeps the same naming conventions. We have to we have to keep it consistent. The fall, the exile.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Of blood and the exile.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Of monsters and men. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Hey. You know what I'm talking about. I do. That's there's like a man, there's just a joke that's unfunny from the jump. But have you seen this? People are calling like stomp clap music millennial burger shop music.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

No, you're you're in so much deeper than a lot of people. I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

It's just like of Monsters and Men and Momford and Sons and like the this is gonna be the best day of my life song. Those are great things. People calling that millennial burger shop music. Wow. I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

They're not like uh hopdotties. That's where that's where I would imagine that Austin hopdotties. Yeah, fries in a silver cup. Fries like a at that time, like a $15 burger, which was probably the equivalent of like $30 today.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Yeah. Tough tough. Welcome to Burger 2 is better. Burgers. Okay. Um well, we do have a quick. I know you guys want us to talk about the exile. No. We're not gonna do that. We do what we want. We're gonna do a fun, we're gonna do a game. We haven't done one of these in a while. Um, I pulled a bunch of one-star reviews of um fantasy books that we have read, some of which we've covered on this podcast, and I'm gonna read excerpts from them and we're gonna have Travis guess which book they're about.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Um, I wish we had a one-star review of the pod that we could read.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Coming off of my depression. Like I can't handle it.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Like it would ruin me. It would ruin me.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

If any of you are taking this as an invitation to write a one-star review of our pod, give it like two weeks.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Just know our our one random fan who defended us on the the Reddit fantasy subreddit this week. You made our day. So Well they didn't defend us, they promoted us. They promoted us, sorry. We don't need defending.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

But uh everyone loves us. Okay. Um, your first one-star review. I'm I'm locked in, man. Hit me. Let me tell you, these are all books that are pretty highly rated, by the way. I didn't pull like a one-star review of the Ice Schooner. We don't read shit. We read. I don't know. Something. What's it? Whatever the opposite is. Okay, are you ready? Yes. One-star review from user GP. Man, this one is no good. It's like the author went, gee, this plot feels a bit light for the book. I better just cram chapters about torture and sitting around doing nothing into it. Also, we gotta stop relying on Deus Ex Machina as a plot device. 2% great moments, 98% fluff. This review has one like. Kingdoms of death. That was that was pretty quick. Uh, and that is correct.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

I know because that is the review Avery wrote himself.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

I didn't, I'm not user GP. Who is this guy? This guy looks nothing like me. He's actually looking at a burger in his photo.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Um that feel that feels like a that felt like a layup.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Dude, we we made our thoughts clear about Kingdoms to Death. I would not give it one star. No, no, absolutely not. It's not a one star book.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

If it was one star, we wouldn't have read another 4,000 pages of Hadrian afterwards.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

No, no, no. He's too talented to write a one-star book.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Don't get me wrong, Rocchio is a hell of a writer. It's just that was a prison of piss and pain.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Yeah, he's five tool talent, but I want him to write something different next time. I want to read some Catholic rap. Check him out if you're in. We're not going down the road. Okay. Next book. Uh this is from user Rob. Um, also one star. I have no interest in imagining I'm someone who is stronger, deadlier, smarter, smarter, sexier, etc., than myself, a famed hero in a milk toast world a little different than modern North America. I read fantasy to immerse myself in strange worlds ripe with danger and conflict, to unquirk primal wonders. And there's none of that in this author's book. His world is about as strange and dangerous as a mashed potato sandwich. His protagonist is comically overblown wish fulfillment for people who weren't popular in college. I'm absolutely mystified that this novel is hot so highly regarded by so many. That's just a part. This is a very long review. We're gonna stop it there.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

So I'm thinking about that super protagonist that we've read, you know, somebody who's overblown and always has a solution for everything. The like modern day North America is throwing me because my gut says Will of the Many. I'm gonna stick with it. Incorrect. Ah, what am I missing?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

You're missing our favorite hero quote. Hello! Oh my god. Name of the wind. Come on, but it's not North America. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 9:28

What was it? Like, that's what I don't understand from that review.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Yeah, that really was a red herring.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Um, do you think there's a I don't think North America has a 70-page fairy nymph sex arc.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

That was nuts when Quoth went to Omaha, Nebraska and got a juicy steak. Oh my god. Yeah, that's a weird note. Um yeah, there you go. I guess he didn't like it. Yep. Um Okay. Some of these are really long. I'm just reading, I'm reading bits of it. Give me a give me the highlight. Reading uh one-star review from uh user Niburfield. This is one of two reviews they've written. Reading this book is like watching someone jerk off and pat themselves on the back for it at the same time. The main character is so completely filled with disgusting arrogance and vomit-inducing perfection that it overflows into the surrounding prose. After a while, you're left with a distinct impression, through the smug tone and overblown sense of self-worth littering every page, you're learning more about the author than the character.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

I mean, that's brute. That's a brutal review.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

People are unbelievably mean.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Why are they so mean? You could just say you didn't like the book. And why am I back on Will of the Mini? Because we we don't read that many. I mean, I'm between like Red Rising and Will of the Mini for this. Yeah, I see that.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Just the main character thing again.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Because I've already guessed it, I'm just gonna go Red. I'm gonna go Darrow.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Trick question. This is the name of the wind again.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Sorry, I sorry, I had to do it to you. I'm reaching because we you we don't read a lot of like wish fulfillment I I guess saying that out loud, we do, but um we don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to jump around a little bit in this one because the review is mostly gifts of SpongeBob. Okay, this is one star review from user May. May has 878 reviews and 4,400 followers. Wow, power. Okay, here's it starts with a bang. DNF at 7%. 7%. One star. 7%. Brutal. Okay, okay. It has taken me over five days to read 25 pages. 25 pages. I've almost gone into two reading slumps because of this book. That does not happen to me. Okay, so many of my friends really love this book, and I'm sure it's wonderful if you can get past the first 150 pages. Info dumping, so much info dumping, and it's not even done in a clever way where we understand what's going on. It's just like, let's dump some more background information on why. I can't say that because spoilers, but there how about that? Can we stop there? DNF 7%, five days to read 25 pages.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Like it's gotta be something dense. It's gotta be something with a massive lore world dump.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

My gut goes malazan. That's a really good guess. That makes a lot of sense here. Uh, this is Red Rising. I don't agree. I don't give a. I just disagree. Red Rising has like a really emotional Yeah, it starts with like the whole hell diving sequence and then they're fighting for the laurel. Which I guess there's no lore. It's just character backstory. There's terminology. Sure. They got grab boots and shit. They like reds and grays and stuff, but if anything, they sort of beat you over the head with it a little bit at the start of Red Rising. Yeah. Here's what I'm saying. Also, DNF seven times. Like that's that is not enough.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

I'm laughing at somebody who stops reading Red Rising during the Helldiver opening sequence and is like, I don't like to get my copy and see what chapter they were in. I mean, it can't be more than like 50 pages. Maybe more, maybe more. Maybe give it the first like 80 or 90. But even though by the end of the first book, you've gone through like three completely different worlds.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

I cannot imagine forming an opinion before a hundred pages. Like the book is just getting rolling. That's really so I mean I like Red Rising, and I don't like this review. I think that was a little unfair.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

I mean, the the only one I remotely agreed with was the torture one, and even that was too mean. Yeah, it was way too mean. These are all horrible reviews. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Yeah, these are pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

And I'm also one for four, I'm guessing, so I gotta wrap it up.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Okay, here's a short one. Yeah, give me the final one. Patrick Rothfish just called. He wants his Gary Stew back. I mean, then that's Will of the Many. It's the Will of the Many. Well done, well done. You were the you're gonna get it eventually. Okay, and then last one from user N with 444 reviews. I made the mistake of trying to read this right after going through the Lycanius trilogy and then the Will of the Many, both by James Eilington. And the difference in quality and talent was just so disorienting. I understand this is a first novel, and the writer is still finding his feet, so to speak, and I heard that the series gets progressively better, but I just couldn't get through this. Its equal parts boring and badly written, and the characters were, simply put, dreadful. After about 170 pages, I just had to stop subjecting myself to it. Also, action scenes for the sake of action scenes is a stupid decision. The writer just came across as a teenage boy who resorted to creating all these fantasy battles because nobody was around to play DD with him.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

First of all, I think this user was a little confused because they didn't have a Reddit community to explain the chapters to them in their new book. They're a fucking idiot. You think they're a color coder? I think they're a color coder. They got 84 post-it notes in the book. Uh I I think they're attacking our boy.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

I think it's a blood and fire. Folks, this is a segue. That was an attack on a blood and fire, which we do not support. User N, banished. Banished to the void. Knights of Akuron, kill him.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

However, I will say the entirety of the novella, The Exile, is one big fight.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Okay, but he wasn't writing about that book.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

No, no.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

He's writing about a blood and fire.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Can we talk about John Wick fantasy? Can we get into it?

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Yeah. Would you like me to hey, you want me to summarize this whole novella for you so you don't have to read it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

And we're covering the whole thing today because it's a whole hundred and seventy pages.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

So three episodes in the exile. That would be funny to see if we could do a podcast series where the podcasts are longer than it takes to read the book.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

I have thought that at some point in our journey it would be fun to like actually use some of our background of like English and literature classes to close read some stuff.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

I mean, to actually try to provide analysis.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

Yeah, like Rocky Rocchio took us there, forced us there sometimes, but um and we got hate for it because we were we're not that smart.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

Yeah, but we could we we could offer a little bit more than what we're doing. I have a job. Okay. Um, and with that, plot summary of John Wick 5 by Ryan Cahill. John Wick is okay, no, god damn it. John Wick is the second novella in Ryan Cahillionaire's The Bound and the Broken, and it follows the very unfunny Dane and the events that led to his exile from the sexy wyvern women of Voltara. Dane's family is getting ready to head out for Rebellion 2.0 when they get straight Ivaned by some nerd named Lauren. Lauren rats them out to the Empire, and a bunch of soldiers and a member of the Dragon Guard show up to snuff out the rebellion before it even begins. Dane and his parents are taken captive while his younger siblings are spared so they can undergo some clockwork orange style education on the many beauties of the Lorien Empire. Based on what happened in book two, this has to be about this had about a 50% success rate. Dane's parents are put to death as traitors, and Dane is magically yeeted off a boat by the Dragon Guard. And let me tell you, this isn't the last time Dane will get magically yeeted in this very short novella. The rest of the book sees Dane on a murderous revenge tour of Ephia, and he joins forces with the Italian damsel and songstress Belina Luna, who has surprisingly dexterous toes. After Dane helps Belina with a bit of friendly patricide, the pair meets up with Theron to sub investigate some unauthorized clinical trials of blood runes. Finally, they track down Asen, who has the lead on Sylvan Anura, the member of the Dragon Guard who killed Dane's family, and, more importantly, subjected him to all that eating. Hold on to your ass because it's plot twist time. Dane has spent like a third of his life trying to kill Sylvan, but turns out Asen kind of beat him to the punch. Dane and Co show up on Asen's private depression island and find that Asen has already killed Sylvan's dragon and he's kept her alive as punishment. Dane decides to leave her to suffer, and the novel ends with Asen telling Dane that it's finally time for Rebellion 3.0, and this one got dragons at the end. Oh baby. Boom. Have you ever been thrown out a window? I mean, right after I got yeeted off a ship. Yeah, it's crazy. It's nice that she keeps yeeting him into water. He gets yeeted. She was actually very forgiving. I think she's well, I was about to say, I think she's gonna be a good guy. Kind of forgot about the end of the book. And also the fact that she slaughtered an entire town. Alright, I take it back. It was just a it was a intrusive thought. I don't think she's gonna be a good guy. I think she's kind of fucked up forever. Oh god. You know, the ending. How'd this hit you, my friend?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Well, I'm now a convert to our Lord Jesus Christ, the dragon of Valasia. And uh here we go.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Yeah. I'm joining. I've what is it? My blood is your blade. My blood and by blade. By blood and by blade. The path to pain is pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Oh man, that's just so cemented into my head.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

We've said it wrong so many times that I I don't think I'll ever know what the real saying is. Oh god. Yeah. But yeah, how did you how did you like this one? How did it stack up to the fall? Give me your thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

It was very fun. Uh-huh. It was a mix of comedy, which we haven't had a ton of. We've had some good snippets of through Dan and um our dead Airbender guy. Was it Fall Fallman? Falmir? The kooky train conductor. Yeah, he was wonderful. He was great. And Dan is obviously just the best. So it's a it's a cool mix in this book. Like he really tries his hand at comedy. He's trying his hand at like a weird type of friendship. Um it's a it's a weird buddy cop book. Um and it's John Wick in a book.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

It's nuts. I mean, I think I think he's done a great job with the characters in this series. Belina Luna is like so much better than every other character. Belina's awesome. Like what I don't I can't even think of. It's not like a one-hit wonder, it's like, man, you made an unbelievable banger, and then because his other characters are great, but she she's electric.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

The reaction for me in this book is like it's a similar feeling of joy when I read Era Two of Mistborn, and you meet Wax and Wayne, and it's just this like really refreshing comedy out of nowhere. Um, but I mean it drives the plot forward and keeps the action going, but very similar to me here where I was just like, I wasn't expecting it in this book, and it uh it was a delight. I could imagine that she could be a little overexposed. And there are some times where it gets a little tiring, like when they're creeping with Faron in the in the uh experiment laparate. Yeah, they keep they keep cracking jokes.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yeah. Like, shut up. It's I don't know. I mean, I think this is like I can't even remember if we talked about this on the pod or not, but like, why is the main character always the straight man? Why can't the lopen be the hero? I I I understand why the lopen cannot be the hero of Stormlight. This can't be a Belina Luna series. I don't think she can carry the weight.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

To just compare it to all the other books, but I am curious your reaction to the Black Tongue Thief, because that is a Lopin as main character.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

I'm trying to think if there are books that I love that do have like a decidedly comic main character. Other than like I mean, Pratchett doesn't count because those are comedies. Like yeah, of course, like having Carrot as a main character works like because he's the fucking best. Um yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Black tongue thief. We'll we'll do that at some point. I'm very excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

But for this book, yeah, super fun. Okay, but I have a question. After reading a whole novella about him, do you like Dane any more than you did last book? No, he's a stick in the mud. I don't know Riz. I understand Dane as a character now.

unknown 22:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

It doesn't make me like him that much more. The whole book.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yeah, I still feel sort of the same way that I did when we were talking about book two, which is like I don't know that he has much of a personality. I can only describe him by the things that have happened to him. Yeah. Um he's he's just he's like a rare character in this series that feels a bit animated by the plot, but doesn't seem to have as much of an inner life or a personality.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah, I mean his whole his whole progression in this book, which we will certainly talk about, is is just like a progressive series of reactions to wrongs and like the full it's more about like whether vengeance is fulfilling in itself than whether Dane actually grew. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Yeah, and I I mean he hits those points, right? Like I definitely felt I I thought that the ending was really strong and the twist was great with you know the Dragon Guard being sort of incapacitated already. But like, yeah, I could have used more introspection from Dan, more time thinking about his journey and a little less killing. The killing's fun, like he's great at writing that stuff, but um I st I still just want to know Dan a little bit better.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

I think it's tough because his foil in this novel is someone who like clearly is masking all of her emotions through either killing or comedy.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

So they don't actually there are some like breakthroughs where they're clearly having an emotional connection, and there's like a you know, she punched me because I was crying at the end and stuff. But there's not actual like deep conversation between the two of them.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

No, and I don't know if there's and that's not the point. It's a short format, like you know, this isn't a novel, but I mean to Cahill's point about the length of writing, which I was re-listening to.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

It's like, you know, if he wanted to tell that story, he could have made it a whole standalone novel. But yeah, it's a vignette.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, I will say I don't know, seeing this whole journey, he goes on this just brutal quest and kills so many people and is so single-minded. I am interested to check back in with him in book three and see what that means for his role in the revolution, his tolerance for more killing. I think. Yeah, I think it's just a it it's interesting in that sense. Like, is he gonna break? Like psychologically, can he handle what he's gonna have to do here? Because he struck me as so stable in book.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Yes, yes, and then we get that snippet here where he freezes. Yeah, um, he freezes in one of the fights towards the the end of the novel. Um, and obviously, you know, the Sylvan scene at the end. But yeah, I mean he's at his death count's 479. I I think it's maybe more by the end of the book, but hands of a fighter, brain of an accountant.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Yeah. Yeah. Boys keep it tallies. That's not a healthy tally, man.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

Yeah, I think you should you know, water off a duck's back, man. Count the steps, count the steps that you're taking. Don't don't keep a log of all the lives you've snuffed out.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Probably good for the world for you to know your number, but not good for your own mental health to know the number. Yeah. What's more important for you or the world?

SPEAKER_01 26:15

True. Me.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Me. That's why I voted for Spencer Pratt. Thanks for having me. Welcome to the runoff, baby. I didn't vote for Spencer Pratt. Wait, anyone who's listened to the show knows that. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Um we start in uh act one or part one. Act one, baby. We get some family dynamics. Um we meet papa and mama.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

You're a young you're a younger sibling. I am. Did your older sister ever call you little monkey? No. Well, Dane called his sister little monkey. Yeah. Which impli implies the existence of monkeys in Voltara. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Orangutangs in the library.

SPEAKER_00 27:02

Yeah, they're probably librarians. Don't call them monkeys. Okay. Do not. Um about House of Terrace as a whole.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

He's gotta stop remarking on his sister's looks. You know, I paused because I didn't want to get into sister talk because uh yeah, just stop talking about it. Yeah, right? Stop describing your sister, man. We get it. We get it. She's hot and she's your sister. How old is she? Um, in the in part one, she's 12. He's 20, and his younger brother's 18.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Um, and this is uh 3068. I can't remember what Obath year is. 3080 or something, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

I don't know. Yeah. Well, this this crosses into end of book one by the end, right? Yeah. Yeah. Um yeah, family. I mean, family's cool. Like good bond to the sister. Baron's not really in it that much. Mom is a badass warrior lady. Yeah, dude, she rides a little bit. She rides the big wyvern. What a fucking cool lady. Pretty sick. Um, wyvern, no match for a dragon. Throw that out there. Oh boy, that was a sad.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

You get crunched. Because I got real fired up when the wyvern swooped in, and it was like, fuck you, battle mage. Like a wyvern just landed on your head. And then um yeah, no, uh, the hundred foot. This is the first time I feel like we've gotten a proper length description. Yeah. Hundred foot dragon just rips the wyvern's head off.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

And it was so big that I was like, oh damn, Helios is here. This ain't even Helios. No.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

How big is Helios? Jesus. It makes me rethink the fall. Like, can you imagine these tanker trucks just flopping around in the sky?

SPEAKER_00 28:57

This is my dragon big rig. There's gotta be a dude named Trevor riding a dragon named Big Rig.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

The CB radio.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Rubber ducky, rubber ducky. We haven't seen you in decades, Trevor. Where have you been? Swamp. That was mud, big rig. That is Elvira, actually. That's true. Okay, yeah. This is one of the worst rebellions ever committed to Page. I mean, it just sucks. Like, it sucks.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

They didn't get anything. They didn't get anything done.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

They don't even they don't even get out the front door. No. That's so fucked up. The timing is weird. It's like the Dragon Guard shows up as soon as they're like, okay, and now we're actually going to leave and do this.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Yeah, I mean, it's clear they just had Lauren in the court feeding information the whole time. So this was very well timed by the Empire. But it's one of those you you kind of wish if you're forming this big of a rebellion that you would have some counterintelligence in the Lorien Empire. Like the the fact that they could roll out the Dragon Guard and like thousands of troops in secret, um, nobody saw an army headed this way.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Wyvern riders, have y'all checked the ground?

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Because we're also like on a coast. There's one entry point because there's a completely impenetrable seawall keep that is the city that was burned. Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Can we talk about that seawall keep? Yeah, it got flamed. It said that it was thousands of feet above the ocean. That's pretty tall. That's fucking that's an impressive cliff. That's a long keep. It's a long cliff. I dare say.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

And those thousands of feet up, they couldn't see an army marching at them.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

It was dark. I know. Foggy. There's a marine layer. Come on. Yeah, yeah. Thousands of feet. I don't think the cliffs of Moor, that's like a couple hundred, right? Like they're not thousands.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

No. I I find it hard to believe there is like a multi-thousand-foot cliff.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

Oh, yeah, like the Empire State Building's like a thousand feet. Right. We're talking like a mountain, and the mountains are not. Answer.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Uh you mean the world the world where mages can move the earth?

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Yeah. I can't suspend my disbelief when it comes to cliff height. Let's poke some holes in the map.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

One star. Okay. One star. But that's pretty much um, I mean, we meet the cast of people that he's gonna go vengeance kill. They're um and farda.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

I was gonna I was you read my mind, our favorite coin flipping freak. Who comes out scot clean scot free in this? He is second to Asen in the power rankings of dude who is everywhere. He is a part of every plot line. He really is pretty directly.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Um I'm also curious, we never quite get the answer. I mean, we kind of do, but like it feel it really feels like Asen abandoned the rebellion.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

I just felt like we didn't get an answer when he offered that apology to Dane.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

Yeah, some of it is the fact that I don't know what Asen is gonna do against three dragons anyway. Um so cut your losses. Yeah. But he's not there, and they get routed.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

And I don't know if he needed to be there. Yeah, I don't know what he could have done. Yeah. Assuming he knew, which I don't know, the Voltarans didn't know. Yeah. So yeah, it's a toughie. It's a toughie. I see why Dane would have been quite upset with Asen for dragging them into uh one of the worst rebellions of all time.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Truly terrible. To not get out of your own.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

They accomplished nothing. Fuck god, that's actually so sad. They didn't get out of the house. Imagine going to rob a bank and you get arrested like as you're getting into your car to leave. Yeah. Damn. That's tough. Oh my god. Okay, but he does get spared. Um I don't know. Some of these Dragon Guard, they aren't like cacklingly evil. I feel like No, I think they're just a little fucked in the head. They are fucked in the head. They're all like there's also like a weird disconnect between the Dragon Guard and the Empire at this point. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Because they can't quite like keep the other in check necessarily.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

So they're kind of they're allied, but not necessarily, you know, hierarchically ordered.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Yeah, and I don't think they're like willing to be they're not getting sent on fetch quests by Feynmortem, right? Like I think they're used pretty sparingly and they wouldn't want to be used any more than that. It's gotta be a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Um, very interesting. But I I mean, as predict I think we've predicted this before. Surely some of those guys are converting, right? Yeah. I mean, I just can't.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

I think at least at least one has to. I would be shocked.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

Eltawar, come back to us.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Yay.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Yeah. Um, okay. I mean, I think that's really he gets yeeted off a boat, he goes back home to gather his uh supplies, gets found again, gets yeeted again. Um then he's off.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

It's a vengeance vengeance quest begins to vengeance. And the first guy on the list is the general who ordered the uh smoldering of his town. Um what did you think of the old get arrested trick? Works every time. Why wouldn't you? Yeah, I'm gonna go punch nine soldiers, and then that that's what's gonna solve this.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Protect me to Ali that.

SPEAKER_01 35:05

And he's like, oh, you mean you mean the general who's dining with the other guy two rooms away right now? That is an approach. Take me to him. I'm planning to kill him. I mean, honestly, if it's the only way to get into an impenetrable soldier fortress, yeah, why not?

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Is this the same guy who had the kinky red and black leather armor and axes? Is that a different guy?

SPEAKER_01 35:28

He did have dual axes on his back when he finally gets snuffed.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Yeah, one of these guys had a surprisingly BDSM-ish uh getup, this red and black leather armor.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Yeah, it's almost like a Gestapo vibe. So with axes. It's hot, telling you that much. It certainly is. Little monkey. But this is uh this is a classic hacking technique, you know? If their cybersecurity system is so good, you just use the human element. Walk in the front door, bribe a guard.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Put on a high-vis vest, walk right in. Clipboard, ladder, vest, check. I'm here to feed the dragons. Let me in. Um can I can I can I detour us for a second? Please. Let's open the firstborn stuff. Oh my god, we skipped over this. Yeah, pre-pod, we promised to uh not forget about dead sibling theory. Uh and we already did. We already did.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

So Owain is his older brother. Yes. Who was given to the Empire, and we're not gonna talk about it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

He's dead, he's gone. I bet he won't come back. Um I'm predicting he's a fade.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

That's a fun prediction. My prediction is that he is a battle mage with wrist, and this is back in my larger prediction that one of the protagonists is gonna kill another protagonist unwittingly in battle, and it's gonna cause a rift between the good guys.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Interesting. You think like Kalen kills Owain? Something like that for it. Yeah. Yeah. That would be juicy. It'd be fun. I wonder, is there like a magical reason for them taking the firstborn? Are they more likely to have the spark? What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 37:21

I wondered about that, but we haven't gotten actually a description of what gives people proclivity for the spark in any of these books yet.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Yeah, I'm sure he'll go into that at at some point.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Yeah. For me, it felt more just like that's how you neuter, you know, traditional families of just like take the take the oldest boy, you know. Just a true dominance play. Yeah, true, like you won't have military might if we take your oldest son.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I I don't know. I guess just because it's fantasy, I'm like, there's got to be some mystical reason that they're doing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:58

Should have taken the youngest daughter, because now she is starting her own revolution. So what do they know? Stupid empire.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Yeah. Um, and uh in that same section, uh, we we have a quote that I want to read. Uh Silence, the man in the red and black leathers roared. We do not have time for this measuring of dicks. The little inversion there got me. You could have just gone like, we don't have time for dick measuring. Dismeasuring. Dismeasuring of dick. That's Shakespeare's lost play, The Dismeasuring of Dicks. He wrote it just after the Tempest. The Tempest, the fifth novella in the series. John Luke 5, The Measuring of Dicks.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

There are some uh there's some very funny quotes in this section. Um it's maybe his most quotable book.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah, there are a lot of like uh little chestnuts of wisdom and stuff. Yes like he's really allowing himself to try to get some zingers off.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

And there's a lot of like cool guys don't look at explosions type lines. Um mine from this as he kills the uh BDSM axe boy who was I thought you were dead. Part of me did die that day. Unfortunately for you, it was the kinder part. Dane lifted his foot, slamming it down on Harstead's already shattered knee.

SPEAKER_02 39:18

Just what do you want to? Yeah, startle.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

Fan at it. As Dane's getting yeeted out the window. Oh, okay. And another one right before that. This is Dane speaking to a man he's about to kill. First, the leather will begin to blacken and char clinging to your body, but it won't burn easy. Leather leather never does. It will get hotter and hotter until your skin begins to bubble and blister. Um he goes on in in that manner for some time. Dane's a is Dane a psychopath. Dane's absolutely a psychopath. But is it like, okay, I killed them all. Now I'm kind of a goofy guy. I just had to get that done.

SPEAKER_01 40:06

I mean, he doesn't turn goofy until the third part, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

It's it's funny because this this section rotates between like genuinely cool fight choreography. Like we get our first air knives, like use the spark to throw knives with air. Yep. That's very very happy. And then it's like just the most over-the-top, like in 80s action movie Rambo sequences of dunking on the villain.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

To be clear, I enjoyed. I I have I have some tolerance for the RF arming. I'm having a great time. Yeah. Um, also more uh I can't remember if we saw this before, if we asked for it, but uh they do the thing with the magic where they melt the ground beneath the horses and snap off the flex, which I felt bad for the horses, but what a technique. Did you feel bad that you were like, Yes? I actually didn't think yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

I was like, oh, those horses. I was like, I was like, oh, this is the magic I've been looking for. And then I'm like, oh, that was really that was really mean to those.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

It also like that was in Belina's sequence where she takes Dane to go kill her father. I was like, I don't even know who the fuck these people are. Yeah. Or the horses.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Yeah. This is just 20 random people in a convoy.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

That's such tough luck to get in you're just accidentally employed by Belina Luna's dad.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Man. Well, okay, let's get into Belina Luna arc because it's immediately after Gestapo murder. Um, we find ourselves in yet another cothill creation of an excellent pub, the dripping bucket.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

And you know what Dane is sitting in? A dripping bucket. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Hello, it's a bath scene, baby. And he's watching some ladies make out and he doesn't know where to look.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

It's Tomb Raider. Welcome. Um Yeah, but so he's well, he does a whole Macbeth thing where he's like scrubbing his hands really hard because they got blood on them. You know what? What's the quote?

SPEAKER_01 42:10

It's like the blood will never wash away.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

I can't get this fucking blood off my hands.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

This soap doesn't work. It's like a sharpie when I wipe.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

I wipe and I wipe and I keep wiping and wiping.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Oh, here it is. It's later, but uh blood could be washed from a man's skin, but it would always stay in his soul.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

I mean, straight up. Wow. I do what must be done.

SPEAKER_02 42:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

Hey, I can't disagree with that. But you know what makes it a little better? A little TNA walking up to you in the bath. Yeah, Belina Luna. She ain't shy, folks.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

I I did a little jump out of my seat when she uh held a needle to his neck with her tosies.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Yeah, what was that John Grisham shit? Whoa. Yeah. Tarantino, but Tarantino movie, here we come. Adaptation. Try that. I'm gonna get like a pencil and try to hold it to my cats. I'm gonna report you for that. Yeah, I was like, not to his head, because I don't think I can hold my feet that steady. Also, Billy, no. Billy, no, I'm sorry. Yeah. Um, so she shows up. She's been stalking him for like a long time.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

Yeah, seems like she's been following him around. Um you know what? By the end of this book, we follow we find out she just follows everyone around. She'd stalk. She tried to kill Asen like seven times.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

Seven times. There's a very good joke in that. It's like you tried to kill me six times. You forgot about the one at the bazaar. You're trying to kill me there? Uh no. Yeah. No. Very good. She is wonderful. Um is so other people think Dan is important. Yes. He's not an ordinary psycho at the kill. People want I mean, I guess he's Valtaran royalty, right? Like that's that's valuable.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

Yeah, I think we underestimate like the power of house a teras or whatever. This is one of the major houses that had been a holdout against the Empire. Um so it it makes sense that you would track the guy who got away from the rebellion.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

And who's been on like a murderous revenge tree? Like at this point he's killed in three.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

He's killed 143 people at this point.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

Yeah, potentially unstable, but his yeah. Yeah. So she recruits them, makes him like, you know, you help me do some killing. I can help you. A little assassin's apprentice, if we will. I suppose so. Where's Night Eyes? Fainier? Is that its name? Yeah, Fainier. Night Eyes. Yeah. Um, okay. And then I guess we more or less cut ahead and they're they're like questing buddies now.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

Yeah, I mean we don't get much between. They just cut the end of part two and the beginning of part three.

SPEAKER_00 44:53

They're it is so interesting, like five years later. If you I mean if you listen to the Kyle Hill interview, he talks a little bit about how the novellas, you know, obviously they're filling in gaps in the lore and stuff, but he's also like trying to find something kind of new to work on. It's usually like some stylistic thing that he hasn't done before that he's trying out in the novellas. This one was sort of like developing some sort of continuity and emotional resonance through time skips, like you know, checking in on character periodically. It was interesting to hear him talk about that, then actually read the novella and be like, oh, this is this is what you were talking about. Um I think this was a He pulled it off well here. Like I felt like it went very seamlessly from that conversation to me believing that they've been on the road together and are now kind of buddies.

SPEAKER_01 45:38

Yeah, it made it made me think that the the novella was the right choice for this. Like we don't need that, we don't need that montage, the training montage. No. You know, we and he does a good enough job with the interactions between Belina and Dane that you don't need to see the buildup of their relationship. You just see the you see the results. You know, they're like an old married couple bickering on the way to the fight.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

It is, yeah, it is crazy like what you can do with just a page or two of pretty good dialogue.

SPEAKER_01 46:06

You know, you know where it had me sold here is when um she's making fun of him using the spark and calling it that that hand wavy shit.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Yes, that's very good.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

That was an amazing description. That's very good.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

She keeps saying tits. Yeah. What else are you gonna say, I guess? There's no word there's no word for boobs that feels fantasy appropriate. Bazoingas. Cannons, maybe? Zoink shaggy? Um I'm gonna ask you a question. I'm ready. Because I'm pretty sure I missed something. Why does she need to kill all these people? She's like, used to be part of the hand, but why does she need to kill these people to be free?

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Here's my assumption. I'm gonna go out on a line. I don't think they spell this out for us. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

I was making sure I didn't miss anything.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

I don't think you missed anything. Um, you know, her dad had turned her into an assassin by 12. Uh Tiger Dad. Yes. Yes, Mr. Woods himself barking, barking in her backswing as she goes to throw poison darts. Yeah. Um, and you know, obviously the hand had been uh making her kill people for her entire childhood and life. It seems to me that the hand wanted her to kill Asen, hence why she tried to kill him like seven times. Yeah. I think over the course of that she ended up coming around that the Lorian Empire was bad, hand is bad, time to uh somewhat unite with the good guys, and her dad is like the you know, basically last person left in her killing chain to get free of the contract. That's my assumption. I think she just killed all her bosses, and at that point no one would really know that she's yeah, it's like one like you get out of an inescapable situation where they're not gonna let you make your own choices, but then also you know, old enough and have now seen the world to know that maybe you're not on the right side of history here. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

I mentioned we'll get more of her. She's feeling pretty she's feeling pretty integral to eventually. But yeah, she kills her papa. Her papa honestly takes it like a champ. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't he didn't go down squealing. No. I mean probably because he knew he raised a murder machine. He's probably a little proud, don't you think? Really? That's like if Tiger hit a golf ball through his dad's skull. It's like, good shot, son. You really fucking nutted on that ball, man.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

That's my boy. I'll also uh give a little praise here. I think the fight scenes are getting more choreographed and clever than just two dudes chucking swords at each other in the middle of a field. This is one where like he throws his bow at a guy so he just gets distracted up high and then like chucks a knife underneath. It's it feels like he's starting to really think through more.

SPEAKER_00 49:02

We're so back to pocket sand.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:05

It is a little bit of pocket sand. It's true. It's true. Yeah. And every time he does let people play around with the magic a little bit, I'm a big fan of that. I know we we were praising that in the fall. But yeah, the whole horse thing.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Very fun. Speaking of experimenting with magic, I am not a fan of carving blood runes into elven children. Can't do that. Unless you know how to do it.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Okay. Yeah, get it right the first time. But I think that raises the you know the age-old ethical question. This comes up in pharmaceuticals all the time. Sure. We all agree we need we need the blood runes, you know. We gotta test them on somebody. Why not these kids?

SPEAKER_01 49:50

Just some innocent white mice.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

Yeah. That is nuts. It works so well in the racks. It just does not work. Uh yeah, this is fucked up.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

Um this was a depressing little episode. Uh, following Theron into the torture dungeon.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Yeah, that was tough. We were not meant to think uh Theron had a child who was being tortured here, were we?

SPEAKER_01 50:14

I didn't get that. But I could have been.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

He literally said like rest my child. Yeah, I assumed that just meant like you're a young elf, whatever. Just making sure.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

Uh I think when you're a society on the run and you're already pretty low-numbered, um, losing 300-ish children. Probably not great for the numbers.

SPEAKER_00 50:34

So question. Well, f okay. I'm gonna try to I'm trying to get organized here. We've established in the previous books that like the Urax are not necessarily on the side of the Empire. The Empire doesn't really fuck with them, so I assume Feynmortem doesn't either. It's said that Feynmortem is the only human who knows how to do the runes. Otherwise, it's the Jatinar people. Um who's doing this shit?

SPEAKER_01 51:01

Yeah, I mean they call it a scholar, like one of the battle mage. You know how like when you go to Battle Mage Academy, you can either become a battle mage or a scholar.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

So I guess it's a scholar um who is leading the experiments.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

I guess well, I guess there are people out there making blood marked Urax who were outside the Empire. I think we're TBD on what's going on there. But that doesn't mean that Feynmortem wouldn't want his own. They're pretty useful beasts. And blood marked elves, I guess, would be useful too. To me, this felt like a Feynmortem order. Like I just I just assumed that reading it, but then I was thinking about it. I was like, I don't know, is there like a third party involved here or is this just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

I mean the third party is FL tier or whatever the fuck he is.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

But yeah, gotta his his stank was all over this. His taint, if you will. Yeah, this boy's taint, stank and busy is all over this. Um they also talk about the capital E essence. These shits are uh they're draining people's essence.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Yes, like their soul powers the blood runes, assumably.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Yeah. So uh there's there's some I don't know if that's a new terminology. I didn't I didn't control F in the other books, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

It felt consistent with how we saw them drain like dying people to fuel the blood run or feel the blood stones, blood magic stones. Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

I would assume that's the same thing. Um sort of ripping off the sappers from Will of the Many. Um yeah, but like quick. As that guy said on Reddit, all all Cahill does is steal and he's lazy. It's because nobody wanted to play DD with him. Yes, famously lazy author Ryan Cahill, who I just saw signed 5,000 books in three hours and has written 10 books in five years. Has a wonderful, loving family, genuinely cool guy. Doesn't sleep, is his own nightmare boss, makes himself right every day. What a great guy.

SPEAKER_01 53:03

Yeah. We're big fans now.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

We were always fans, but now we're big. We're always fans. But now we're a fan of him personally. Much much as he's a fan of us.

SPEAKER_01 53:12

Oh, yes. But uh the last thing to note on that, the the god stank is a little. This is like there's not a ton of lore drop here, but if you use a bunch of blood magic in one place, the barrier between men and gods gets weak.

SPEAKER_02 53:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:25

Which caught that. I wonder what's gonna happen after Big Battle Book Two. Because we just used a shit ton of blood magic.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

F L tier, is he a guy and is he coming? Maybe we're gonna see. We don't know. Um, and we'll that let the other nice gods, the shepherd god, the fisher god. Name them all. Lorequiz. There's a knight, there's a shepherd, there's a fisher, there's a sailor, there's a nun, there's a cobbler, oh, and then uh traitor god.

SPEAKER_01 53:57

Mythology lore. I was looking up Baldir, you know, the the ball of light that they always create and make a big deal out of.

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Made Dan flip a shit in book one.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

I guess in North myth Norse mythology, the god of light was Baldur. Baldur skate. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

It all comes back to Shadow Heart. Yes. My girlfriend. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

Yes, loser. Yeah. Anyways. Uh well, we're on a ship with the last two surviving elves, and we're all sad.

SPEAKER_00 54:30

Yeah, real bummer. Um, all right, are you ready to go to Depression Island? It's like love island, but it's one guy and he's fucking sad.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

Yeah. I I was comforted by the fact that Kyle threw uh you gotta tell the homies you love them in here scene with uh with Belina and Dan.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

Shout out mental health, shout out mental shout out mental illness, shout out mental illness, shout out mental health, and ask your friends how they're doing. RIP Betty White. Yeah. Um Damn, there was something I was gonna freaking say. Oh, you know what I was gonna say? The island that he's on was described as being uh the shape of a three-quarter moon. Is that like a football? Being what? The island that they they see Asen on. Being who? Hello? Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_01 55:26

Oh, you're back. You froze. Oh. You said go start over at the island he was on is described as.

SPEAKER_00 55:32

Man. I got tech glitched during one of the dumbest things I've said this whole episode. The island is described as being the shape of a three-quarter moon. Is that like a football? It's oblong.

SPEAKER_01 55:46

You have to do it again.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

No. Why? It just you froze again. You froze again. So you couldn't hear me at all? Fuck. Leave this in. The island was described as being the shape of a three-quarter moon. Almost like a crescent. But not a crescent, because it's like a football, right? Ooh, Angie de Poitrine. Hello. Um I was thinking this is another chance for a football-shaped island, like we were talking about just doing an anachronistic reference. It was the shape of a New Haven style pizza.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

A pizza. It's not pizza, it's a beats. A pizza. Idiot. What's a three-quarter moon then? We're so off. We've lost the plot. I'm trying to do with my hands. So it's you have the crescent. Oh, it's like this. It's like a D.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

I'm looking at it. And it's showing a half moon. Give it some more juice. Three-quarter moon is a half moon according to timeandate.com.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

Well, time. I only listen to 7esl.com. So waning gibbous. Okay. She waned on my gibbous till I wax.

SPEAKER_00 57:10

Yeah, there we go. She bald ear on my taint till I blood ran. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can we go back to can we show some respect to Asen? He's very sad.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

We're at the emotional zenith of the book here. Um, we do find out Asen has killed two Dragon Guard uh assassin style since the fall.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

Again, the most productive depressed man in fiction. And he's brutal about it, dude. He's pissed. He really is. Um unbelievable. I like seeing all these new sides of Asen, man. What a good thing. You know what was really interesting is she's talking about like when you have her that link, like kill, you know, kill the dragon, it can fuck you up physically too. Like people went blind and stuff. I didn't know that was that was a possibility.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

Blind and deaf. That's what Sylvan is.

SPEAKER_00 58:03

That's horrible. And like we we also got a brief description of a person dying before the dragon, and the dragon also just like completely.

SPEAKER_01 58:13

Yeah, the dragon like lost its ability to breathe fire and smell or something. I can't remember what sight maybe.

SPEAKER_00 58:19

And then the ace and it's just like, and then I put it down. I was like, well, fucking how? How did you kill a beast the size of a bus?

SPEAKER_01 58:26

Yeah, and I want to know the first one he killed was like, so I snuck up the cliffs and I killed the dragon while it was sitting there.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

Was that the one where he's like had a stone spear or something?

SPEAKER_01 58:36

But how did you how? Look at Tarzan as heart.

SPEAKER_02 58:39

What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 58:40

Yeah. So he's that truly is the power of depression. Yeah, we get the full view of a ghost in the shell, as she's described, Sylvan. Just uh a broken old lady. Well, a broken young lady, because she doesn't age, being taken care of by her elderly daughter, which is sad.

SPEAKER_00 58:58

That is something that I wish we'd gotten a touch more of in The Wheel of Time. Like the I said I don't age, but yeah. Like such a weird thing. Um, the show actually showed it a little bit more to give to give a small amount of praise to the show. Um, but yeah, that's like the whole twist. Like big revenge arc, uh surprise. Uh here she is on a silver platter for you.

SPEAKER_01 59:21

Doesn't feel so good. Vengeance is a lonely empty road.

SPEAKER_00 59:26

Uh it's a best, it's a dish best serve hot. Yeah. Yeah. Um so yeah, he didn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

Although he doesn't screen.

SPEAKER_00 59:38

Just fight me, coward. Yeah. Um I the kindest thing he could have done was killed her. I think by walking away, he actually did the far worst thing. Yeah, and Asen's like, yeah, I'm a letter.

SPEAKER_01 59:55

The cre the craziest thing was Asen's shit runs deep because he's like, even when her daughter dies, I got somebody else to come take care of her.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

That's a really scary part of Asen, honestly. Like I I understand the anger, but at some point there's got to be some sense of justice. What is justice? Justice Dick. Yeah. Um Yeah, I don't know where I'm going with that. But I think Yeah. I mean, it's the same thing with Dane. Like his commitment to revenge is a bit frightening. Asen's is similarly a bit scary.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:34

Well, it's it's the same con it's uh for me, it's a concept of what comes after, right? Like I think that's what I think that's what Kahil's really getting at with this. And actually, what I'm curious about with the whole series is like once you kill the big bad guy, Feynmordem, or whatever, like Asen's not ready to govern. What's an Asen's tax policy? Exactly. It's easy to run as an anti-candidate, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:01

Spencer Pratt. I I think that's like the the sympatico with what we said before, which is like we kind of want to see a little bit more of the um abuses of the empire. Yes. We're starting to get more, right? I mean, they do be killing everybody's family. Yes. Um, that's a theme. And they're taking firstborns, which isn't good. Elves, the bloodrune thing, that's pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:23

If you when you list it at burnating a whole town, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:25

No, it's pretty bad. But it's sort of like those are those are not things that everybody knows about. Yes. I want to know the like low-level corruption and abuse that's going on on like a you know countrywide scale.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:40

But what's funny about those, if we think back to book one, like the Glade was pretty neutral towards the Empire. Well, they're hillbillies. Yeah. They're like not they're not really in the south, they're not messing with them too much.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

They're just like remove yeah, they're just doing their own thing entirely.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:55

So I know to your point, it it is I always love that kind of day-in-the-life scene of the average commoner. Like, what is the the heel of the empire's boot look like on your neck, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:06

How does it taste? Yeah, yeah. Like taint on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

Uh though I have two things left, and then I think this we've literally covered as much as we can get out of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

Somehow, once again, squeeze an hour out of this.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:23

Yep. Um, I really enjoyed getting some getting to see someone actually opening one of Asen's letters at the end. Like the best. The the star hawkery is is a foot. Um, and we do get a little lore drop to your point about the origin of dragon eggs. That's the north, it's the northwest ocean is the ocean of Valase to Valetia, Valasia. And um, apparently there are dragons of Valetia, and that's where they brought the egg that turns into Valeris from. So let's get a couple more. Let's go back. There's gotta be a couple more out there. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:02

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:04

And um, that's literally everything I have about this book. Yeah. That's I don't I have a bunch of quotes. I got one more from the uh not the eulogy. What do you call it? Epilogue. Not the epilogue, the glossary. Okay. It's a eulogy of sorts. Yeah. Uh because I remember after book two, if you look in it, it kind of gives you some more lore about the races and stuff. Yeah. There's a new edition in this book, which is about the Angen. Uh the Angen are a race, yes, the furries. The Angen are a race of humanoid shapeshifters. It is not truly known when they arrived in Epheri, though it is thought that they are as old as the land itself. They're divided into five major factions, each devoted to one of the five Angen gods. Uh we don't need to know the five gods' names, but I thought it was interesting. No, it's way more Norse. It's Vefnir and Fenrir and Kagan and Bjorna.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:00

Justice Felena Kagan.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:01

Thank you. Uh but I thought it was fun. We learned a little bit more about them. So fun fact. That's fun. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:08

They got whole new different gods. Whole new gods? Different names for the same gods.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:13

And they're not aligned politically. They're not a uh they're not a homogenous voting block.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:21

The furries? Yeah. No, they like completely different hentai. Yeah. Um okay. Well, what's next? Book three. Which is called Of Something and Something. I can promise you that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

I've not purchased it, but I will do so immediately after this.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:40

But uh it ain't gonna be that long. Oh, is it Of War and Ruin? Yeah, of War and Ruin. I'm interested in those things. Okay. Um, but yes, thank you for thank you for joining us for this. Uh go listen to the Kyle interview if you haven't. Um I don't know. I don't know what else to say to you people. Just tell, you know, tell us something.

unknown 1:05:03

Yeah, really.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:04

Give me something.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

Talk to us, email us. Hit me up.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:07

I like leave a one-star review. Oh, but no, not publicly, because it'll destroy us. Send us by email a one-star review. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:17

Yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:18

And we'll, you know, and we'll read it on the pod.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:21

Oh, that okay, yeah. If someone sends us a one-star review of the show via email, we will read it on the pod. Yes. You can be mean if you want. Yeah. But only uh someone who likes the show can do this.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:33

If you're an hour and five minutes into our our novella episode, you like the show. Yeah, we did. We gave it about a minute per page. Or or you're one of our four friends that we make watch every episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:45

Yeah. Okay, so we'll be back on not too distant future with a war and ruin. Um, and that's really all I got for you. Yeah. Travis. Your blood is my blade. I thought you were gonna. I didn't, I didn't oh, okay. All right, bye.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:14

Eleven thirty, siesters graduation. We're on the bleachers in smoking marijuana singing.