Ep #26: Staying Calm in Chaos: My Process for Self-Regulation in Crisis Management

Looking for a practical and grounded way to stay calm during a crisis? Welcome, dear listener! Brace yourself as we delve deep into the world of self-regulation in stressful situations, all inspired by our enlightening chat with Andy Prisco in our previous episode. Get a sneak peek into my personal strategies and thought process for maintaining composure in high-stress scenarios, and perhaps, discover how you can develop your unique system of self-regulation. 

We'll  briefly explore the ancient philosophy of stoicism and the role it can play in crisis management. Beyond theory, we'll also share actionable strategies like maintaining a position of strength, utilizing four-count breathing, and the power of mental rehearsal. Uncover how to prepare your mind for any situation and why stoicism might just be the foundation you need for effective self-regulation. Join us, and let's become better equipped to handle ourselves in a stressful encounter together.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

So today, guys, I'm going to be talking about self-regulation and how it applies to me and my process, and the reason why I am talking about self-regulation is due to the awesome episode that we had with Andy Prisco last episode, talking about regulation of self in a crisis scenario. So with that, I thought it was appropriate that I share some of my thought processes and my systems as to how I maintain myself and regulate myself in a stressful situation so that, hopefully, for those of you that don't already have a system, you'll be able to work on and make or better, improve your own system of self-regulation in a stressful situation before it even occurs in your backyard. So with that, guys, let's get started.

Speaker 2: 0:54

Welcome to the Get Real Self Defense podcast. Here you get your daily dose of personal protection discussion to help you be more confident and prepared to protect yourself and your loved ones. And now let's get real with self-defense.

Speaker 1: 1:15

So, basically, some of this stuff that I'm going to be sharing is, on one end, a little bit abstract, and then there's going to be others that are specific. First and foremost, I'm a person that really believes in a system called stoicism. It is a philosophy of being. Am I perfect at it? No, but I really admire the concept of just because the rest of the world might be in chaos or other things on the outside may affect you in some way physically, you don't allow it to affect your mind, your soul, your emotions or yourself as a physical being, and you remain stoic. Do I believe that you need to be emotionless in all situations? Maybe not. I've been a roller coaster of joy and other positive and, in some ways, negative emotions when it comes to being a father of three now, you've heard that from me for the last couple episodes, but the idea being that there's going to be some fears, like making sure that that kid stays safe and making sure all my kids and my wife stay safe, that everyone is healthy. So there's going to be fears and other things, but I'm not going to allow that to affect me and that is my variation of stoicism. I'm a firm believer in that. So that is something to give context to. Now, it doesn't mean that you need to work on or learn stoicism yourself, but, with that being said, it is something that kind of is a great groundwork as far as self-regulation in a crisis situation. So if you haven't checked out stoicism before or meditations by Marcus Aurelius, which I mentioned before on this podcast, check it out. It gives a basis for some of the ways that you can get into that mindset of self-regulation, aside from what I'm about to share with you today.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Now, the first thing that I make sure that I do is when someone's going to come into contact with me, or I them that is, in a crisis situation that might have one of the three deadly deeds of drunk, drugged and deranged, or all three, I assume that they're going to hurt me. Now, that sounds oversimplified, so let me expand on that a little bit more with another phrase Hope for the best, expect the worst. You've probably heard that term before, the idea being that I'm going to go and strive for a peaceful solution with this individual, but, at the same time, I expect that that situation is going to go south, and possibly very quickly. So, as I am being courteous with that person. As I'm talking with that person, I am assuming that things are going to go bad and I'm going to be ready for it. I'm not going to let them catch me off guard. I'm not going to let them sneak, attack me. I'm not going to let anything go out of control before I notice it and before I remain in control. This is also partially something that was enhanced, though not created, from my law enforcement career thus far. The idea that if I'm in contact with somebody and I'm wearing that cop uniform, I may target and that is something that I got to be aware of and prepare for, but also, too, that is something that was just taught to me a long time ago is hope for the best, expect the worst when it comes to people you're in contact with, especially strangers, and to have the precautions necessary as you are being courteous to them and treating them like humans. So that is the first step.

Speaker 1: 4:25

The second step, or the second section that I have realistically, is the idea that, as you are speaking with that person, you have to maintain, as Andy Prisco talked about, that position of strength. He talks about how it's way easier for someone who is a scary, imposing strong figure to you deescalate somebody than somebody that appears weak. That doesn't mean you have to look and appear super intimidating or strong, but the idea is, if you are a confident, competent, capable person who is fit think about someone like a Tim Kennedy, a George St Pierre, a Bruce Leea, you know take your pick of someone who is confident, competent and strong in your mind and imagine that person shaking your hand and saying I don't want to hurt you, let's resolve this. You're probably going to feel inclined to listen to that what that person has to say, and resolve it with them. And that is the mindset is, if you show that you are confident and confident and capable, then you are going to have a better handle on the situation from a physical, outward appearance. But it's important to also regulate that internal section of your body and your mind, and so that is where something like four count breathing comes into play.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Now, some of you may already know what four count breathing is, but to really oversimplify the matter and just explain it as it is, four count breathing is basically inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds. Now, obviously that's going to be really hard when you're talking to somebody to spend 16 seconds at a time just inhaling and exhaling and holding. But the idea is, if you are training yourself on these four counts on your off time when I say off time, I mean you're not in a situation where you have to actually be in a crisis, but you are just sitting on the couch or whatever you're able to practice that four count breathing, as I've explained it, it's going to be easier for you to regulate and slow down your breathing. If you are able to regulate and slow down your breathing, you'll be able to slow down your mind and your body, therefore allowing yourself to not get out of control and keep that system both mind and body and emotions under control. As a result, breathing is a key facet to that.

Speaker 1: 6:51

The third one is again we're kind of getting to the abstract here is the idea of mental rehearsal.

Speaker 1: 6:57

Now, this is this third factor that I brought later is a result of preparation from prior to the crisis situation that we are in.

Speaker 1: 7:11

So mental rehearsal you guys have heard me beat this horse before, but it's important and so I'm going to bring it up again for those that don't know Mental rehearsal is the idea that you are imagining yourself in a situation specifically, and you are walking and talking yourself through that situation.

Speaker 1: 7:27

So imagine that it's like a simulation. If it were like sci-fi computer, you're running a bunch of simulations and you're trying to find out what the best results are based off of the actions that you take. Another way to put it is like a choose your own adventure novel or in video games. There are video games where you can make choices on what you say or what you decide to do, and that affects the video game. That is basically what you're doing in your own mind. You are allowing yourself to be in a situation and you allow yourself to walk through the choices and you imagine what, how that person will react, how you're going to react to that person, and basically you can imagine yourself getting in a self-defense situation, or you can imagine yourself having a person draw a gun on you and you having to.

Speaker 1: 8:14

You know get your family to safety, or to maintain safety with your family or with yourself, while resolving the person that has the gun in your face. And that doesn't mean all the time that you're going to do a chop-socky kung fu, flippy, kick move and, you know, put that guy in the dumpster. Instead, what might happen is you just give them the wallet and they take off. You have to imagine all those kind of situations. That's what mental rehearsal is, and by doing so it allows your brain to go through the process without actually having to go through it, and oftentimes your brain won't really notice the difference too much, and so it's almost like getting a rep for free, and that is why mental rehearsal is super strong. Now, the other steps that I will share, aside from those, are things like again having the tools and the confidence and capability to be ready for that situation if a word of go south. Again, you're hoping for the best, you're expecting the worst, and if the worst comes, you are prepared for it. That's where physical hand to hand training comes in martial arts, boxing, jujitsu, wrestling, all those things and then also, too, that's where firearms training or knife training, all those types of things, will actually play a role in you being comfortable. To give a short example of being comfortable versus not being comfortable when it comes to tools, one of the times and the pass that I had was I was in a rush. I went out the door, I went into town and realized, as I was driving into town and we were pretty far in towards town, that I had forgotten to bring my concealed carry with me. And I always bring my concealed carry with me, but this time I did not, violating one of the core tenants of my being and I always bring it. And so the fact that I didn't bring it I felt extremely naked and vulnerable. Vulnerable because, knowing Murphy's Law and we've talked about Murphy's Law in a previous episode of the Get Real Self-Event podcast that that's when the worst can happen, that's when anything can happen and it will happen, and the fact that I didn't have my firearm means that there's a good chance that I'm going to need my firearm and all of a sudden, I don't have my firearm. So that is where it kind of messed with me the rest of the day, because I'm always looking over my shoulder, not in paranoia, but thinking oh my gosh, you know this guy. You know, if this guy had a gun, I'd be toast or oh my gosh. Now this is me. This is how I carry myself.

Speaker 1: 10:44

Some of you don't need to be going to that level of extreme, but the principle is the same is that if you have tools, they will add a level of confidence that you wouldn't be able to provide for yourself without both through training and both through having them. If you buy a firearm and then just leave it at home all the time, you're missing half the point of why you carry. You should carry one for personal protection, because you're not always going to be home, and the same thing goes with physical skills. You can't always rely on a firearm or no firearm and no skills. That is the worst. So that's why it's important to train and train not just on hand-to-hand skills and firearm skills, but situational awareness and all those other things that we've talked about, and that gives you confidence and something to fall back on should that crisis scenario that you are trying to maintain control of, both for yourself and for that individual, were to go south. You'll be able to fall back on some skills. So those are the main pieces of the puzzle that I use, and just to kind of give you an example of the whole thing I, before I go into town, I put on my pocket knife, I put on my firearm in its concealed carry fashion when we go into town.

Speaker 1: 12:04

I have already done mental rehearsal in the past. If I passed by someone and that person seems like they're screaming and yelling and losing their minds on the side of the road and they're talking to nobody and you know people are trying to avoid them because they're just insane, transient on the side of the road, just screaming. I imagine if that person were screaming at me what it'd be like and I quickly go through the process of how I'd feel and everything else so that my body and mind are prepared for it. That's a free training opportunity that's passing right by me, and so that's where mental rehearsal comes into play. When I am dealing with someone, I hope for the best and I expect the worst and I communicate with that person as such, trying to be human with them, try to reason with them as best I can, but assuming that I may or may not have to possibly fall back on physical hand-to-hand skills if things were to go south.

Speaker 1: 12:55

And, last but not least, I maintain breathing An easy way, even if you can't do four-account breathing or forget is. I like to imagine what it'd be like and how would I breathe If I was sitting on the couch playing video games or watching TV with my family. That's how I imagine it. If I was sitting like I'm sitting with you right now, how would my breathing be? And I try to regulate myself to that level of breath? And then, obviously, that's where the talking skills come into play and you can learn a lot of those things through Andy Prisco's courses, which we have a link for in the previous podcast episode, or books like Verbal Judo. So that's a different topic entirely that we've covered before and we'll cover it again in the future.

Speaker 1: 13:37

But that's just to give you a quick rundown of my process of self-regulation. I ensure breathing. I assume that things could go bad. I have physical hand-to-hand skills and firearm skills to back it up and that's more or less the entire process and that is my system and that's what works for me. You have to find a system that works for you and hopefully some of these different tidbits assist you and maybe you have something that is better. If you do, I would love to hear from you. Shoot me an email, like many of you do at adam at smartandsafedefensecom. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Get Real Self-Defense podcast. Guys, please be sure to give us a five-star review wherever you're listening to podcasts, and I will catch you guys in the next episode. Train today so that you can protect tomorrow, keep yourself and your family safe in these times, and I will catch you guys next time.