Episode 19 - From Fear to Freedom: Breaking Free from False Narratives

Ready to face your fears head-on, YASKers? In this powerful episode, Arturo and Anthony dive deep into the heart-pounding world of fear and how to transform it into personal power. From workplace bullying to relationship anxieties, we're getting real about what scares us and why.

Discover how to:

• Distinguish between real threats and self-created monsters
• Transform fear into a tool for growth
• Tell the difference between fear and intuition
• Break free from news anxiety and fear-based thinking
• Recognize that you are the hero of your own story

Through personal stories and practical wisdom, we explore how our powerful minds can create fear out of thin air (hello, extinct saber-tooth tigers!) and more importantly, how to move from fear into love. Whether you're dealing with childhood trauma, workplace anxiety, or those pesky bees at your picnic, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap for facing your fears and finding freedom.

Remember buttercups: you are the one you've been waiting for. Are you ready to turn your fears into fierce determination? Let's wake up together!

Tune in to "YASKing with Anthony and Arturo" on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Don't forget to subscribe and follow Anthony on TikTok at @coachcatalino and Arturo on IG at @arturodiaz and TikTok @arturodiaznyc

Transcript

YASKING Podcast Transcript of Episode 19 - From Fear to Freedom: Breaking Free from False Narratives

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

fear origins, biological basis, flight or fight, learned behavior, self-awareness, fear triggers, emotional walls, unconditional love, fear vs intuition, self-reflection, fear transformation, fear in relationships, fear in career, fear in news, fear management

SPEAKERS

Arturo Diaz, Anthony Catalino

Arturo Diaz  00:16

Welcome to another episode of YASKING with Anthony and Arturo, I'm Arturo Diaz 

Anthony Catalino  00:21

and I'm Anthony Catalino, and God, it's good to be here again. 

Arturo Diaz  00:21

It is so good. Today we're diving into the heart pounding world of fear. We're talking about what scares us, why holds us back, and how to face those fears head on, whether you're afraid of failure, success, or that spider in your bathroom, we've got you covered, so buckle up butter cups. It's time to get real, get inspired and start asking the big question, are you ready to turn your fears into fierce determination? 

Anthony Catalino  00:39

Oh, fear into fierce determination. What's What's that? Let's dive right into this. I secretly love this topic, because I think we, so many of us, are I think every human being gets terrified of so many things when why? Like, like, where did it begin? 

Arturo Diaz  00:58

There is a biological basis for fear. Fear manifests itself in your body, your heart and blood pressure increase. You breathe faster and your muscles tense up. In other words, your body's flight or fight response is being triggered. Now what's the tricky part is determining whether or not that fear is actually helpful to us in the moment? Is the fear even real? Are the wolves really at the door? Because it's the tricky part. Our mind is so powerful that it can convince us to be afraid of something that is not even real. 

Anthony Catalino  01:28

I think most of the time we're afraid of things that aren't even real. Yes, like, there's, like, very rarely is there a sabertooth tiger right around the corner. 

Arturo Diaz  01:36

I'm confident in saying that never happens because they're extinct. 

Anthony Catalino  01:39

Yeah, I don't know. It just this, like, it baffles me how we get so scared of things. 

Arturo Diaz  01:43

It's because we have so many narratives we are scared of, stories we tell ourselves, and that leads to fears of failure, success, intimacy, the unknown, abandonment, judgment, and, yes, maybe spiders. 

Anthony Catalino  01:55

I mean, the list just goes on. And if you really think about it, like, when did this all begin? It had to begin somewhere. You know, I don't think we were born necessarily coming out of the womb scared shitless, although, depending on how your the pregnancy was and what that person that carried you went through during that time, I think there had there's an effect there. But would you say it's all learned behavior? 

Arturo Diaz  02:16

Yeah, I think we enter our lives as perfect beings, but life and its inevitable challenges and trauma plant the seed to fear within us lives, not just fear, but also profound courage in one of my favorite parts of The Body Keeps Score is this beautiful description of the human mind as a mosaic of different parts. One part of us might have learned to be fearful as a protection mechanism. But alongside that fear lives our innate bravery, the author of the book encourages us to think of ourselves as the conductor who an orchestra. Our true self is the leader that draws on the strengths of each part while also nurturing and soothing the parts of us that feel scared. I think that's a beautiful way to understand the complexity of the human mind and why it is that it's possible that there are parts of us there are fearful of things that other parts of us know aren't even real. Does Does that make sense?

Anthony Catalino  03:18

It definitely did make sense. No, yeah, it's beautiful, beautifully distorted or beautifully complicated, beautifully complicated. Yeah, so where does fear really come from? 

Arturo Diaz  03:28

In my case, I've identified specific fears from my upbringing. One thing that's transformed my life and relationship with fear is been doing it on this inventory of what scares me and asking myself is if these fears are actually rooted in reality. And I think you need to look at your fears through this lens, for example, and become aware in the past couple years that I have a deep seated abandonment. I am working through the origins of it and what it means. But one of the things I've become very keenly aware of is that when I meditate and ground myself, I can see that I'm not alone. I'm surrounded by people who love me, and ultimately, I have myself. I am never going to be alone because I'm here. And that might be it sounds crazy for some people, but I'm literally here, rooting for myself.

Anthony Catalino  04:09

 I love that, right? Yeah? And you just have to learn to appreciate that, that space with yourself. Yeah, you're not alone. You're you're there keeping yourself company, but, but so you, and you talk about, like, taking this honest inventory, and I love that we've, we've touched upon that a number of times in these in these sessions, how did, like, how does someone decipher or decide, like, what it is they're truly scared of? I mean, like, if you're scared of a spider, that's kind of obvious. But how do we know that we're scared to be alone, or scared of anything really, or scared of being liked, scared of being successful? Like, how do we actually know those aspects of ourselves through a lot of like, active awareness on your part, 

Arturo Diaz  04:44

I think that the way to live life is to consciously look at how you're reacting to the world around you. It means making time for self reflection, whether you're journaling or meditating, to really examine your responses. What is triggering you, what's your reaction and most importantly, why take fear? For instance, sure there's the fun kind of fear we get from watching scary movies that's enjoyable because we know it's not real, but I'm talking about the deeper fears, like my fear of abandonment, and that gets triggered. It's really painful, and I've experienced it enough times that I finally had to ask myself, Arturo, what is this really about? Because this fear was making me feel deficient and impacting other areas of my life, and really examine the truth that I could see that this fear was rooted in decades old narratives, and it doesn't reflect the present narrative at all. And once I recognized that, I could start having all conversations with myself and begin to let it go, because that's the power of self awareness. I actually distinguish between old fears and present reality. That's that's not the end of it. Like you have to continue to work in it, and these fears continue to haunt you, and you have to have a lot of compassion for yourself, because it's going to take time.

Anthony Catalino  05:58

 I love that. So something you've experiencing time and time again that aren't rooted in love or peacefulness. You decided to take a deeper inventory or deeper look at what ruffled your feathers or what caused tension. I think a lot of times we can simply ask ourselves, What am I afraid of? We fail time and time to remember that like Ask and you shall receive. Ask yourself a question, but just be patient and present for an answer. What am I afraid of? Because a lot, a lot, I think a lot of times, it stems deeper and deeper and deeper. It might be something obvious, like spiders, but what are you truly afraid of? Because most of them are harmless, or the ones that are most poisonous, or the smallest, like a daddy long leg, you know? And yeah, but we're not afraid of the Daddy Long Legs necessarily. Might be afraid of the ones that are hairy, like, where does that stem from? Is that something from childhood? I mean, I've overcome some fears, like fear of being around be I've learned that, like, we have relationships with so many things in life, and something about, like, sitting in the beautiful, beautiful, peaceful space, and then a bee comes along, or a honeybee or whatnot, and wants to get my face or attack my food. It's, you know, it's been happening all summer long. And I eventually went to a rooftop in Brooklyn, and we, it was an event, and we got to be around bees. And while we had nets around ourselves, I held one of those things that had, like, 1000s of bees in it. And it was until then that I like ever since then, they don't have, don't affect my joy in that present moment like they did. So I almost feel like if we're ever being affected in the present moment, that's something to look look a little bit deeper into. What about a bee? Am I afraid of a sting? Am I allergic? Because I don't know about you, but the sting, I'm not allergic, and the sting doesn't actually hurt that bad. So what am I actually afraid of the disturbance of my peace in that moment to kind of get where I'm getting at with this. It's more than just a bee, because it's a cute little creature, but in that moment, it's not delivering me that loving space. And so now I can sit around bees and be at more peace, and that's a big old joy. It's only a bee, but so many people are terrified, including my partner. So when other people realize that he's being attacked by a bee, or the bee is in his surrounding areas. He's doing this little dance, and it's quite amusing

Arturo Diaz  08:05

In a beautiful way you've just described, how to cultivate some courage. Facing something that you recognize scares you, but going through the process of detaching this creature that's not imbued with anything menacing. The bee does not exist to menace Anthony. The bee exists to be a bee, but it represented something in your mind. When you were able to detach it from that and detach the bee from the narrative you had with it, it just became abee.

Anthony Catalino  08:33

Exactly, and until I did that, the bee is going to smell the fear of me being afraid of it, so it's gonna bother me more and more and more, the more that I choose to ignore it, or the more that I allow that fear to grow. And this goes for anything in life. Other people smell the fear within you, other animals, other humans. If you're used to being belittled and someone's belittling you, they're gonna work. They're literally working off your energy of fear. Like I don't really get harassed that often in my life anymore. I've been plenty in my past being a gay man, maybe too feminine or too whatever, but it doesn't really happen anymore, because I'm more at peace with who I am. I don't attract, so to say, other fearful people to bring me down. 

Arturo Diaz  09:14

What's fascinating in my career, I've encountered quite a few workplace bullies, and here's the thing, they can smell fear. When you're fearful, they were drawn to it like sharks to blood, and suddenly you become the office target. Everyone piles on, and you're labeled the weak one, while corporate culture has thankfully evolved and there are better protection in place now, workplace bullying still exists. What's really interesting is how these situations often mirror dynamics from our childhood. It's crucial to understand and navigate fear in professional settings, because these patterns will keep repeating until we address them. But here's the thing about fears, they're actually a brilliant barometer, because when fear shows up, it's your mind and spirit trying to tell you something important. So I encourage people to get curious about their fears, explore them, examine them, most likely to discover that they're based on false narratives from your past. When you take the time to unpack these fears and release them, you might find yourself feeling lighter. It's like putting down a heavy backpack you didn't even realize you were caring. 

Anthony Catalino  10:25

Yeah, and also, like, ask for some help. Don't be afraid to just believe that no one's there to help you. Remember your higher self is always there to help you. So if you ask for help, help will come. It's almost like that experience with a bee. And I don't want to drag it on, the story on forever, but it's not like I signed myself up for a bee excursion. It's something that I got invited to that can experience, and I chose to lean into that discomfort. 

Arturo Diaz  10:50

Yeah, there's a saying, feel the fear and do it anyway. And that's the path to transformation, the path of transforming your fear into nothing. Feel it and then do it anyway, and then when nothing happened, truth. That was just a story I was telling myself, 

Anthony Catalino  11:05

Yeah, and but then take it a step further and be super grateful for the way that you feel overcoming that fear. We want to reinforce those good feelings, because we got so used to reinforcing the fearful feeling, and then that perpetuated. It built bigger, but that monster was never underneath your bed, never. 

Arturo Diaz  11:22

One of the most powerful ways that fear shows up in our lives is how it blocks intimacy and connection. People build emotional walls because they're afraid of getting hurt, of being vulnerable. I've been guilty of this plenty of points in my life, but now I'm facing a different kind of challenge, I'm learning to become more intimate with myself. And that might sound strange, but that's exactly where I'm at in my journey this season of my life, abou exploring my internal landscape, really mapping the terrain of who I am, and as I get to know myself more deeply, navigate these inner fears of discovering it's actually a beautiful process, even with all its challenges. 

Anthony Catalino  12:02

Yeah, love that for yourself, and remind you, you know, it's not like all these fearful things that art and I have experienced came to came to light, and we dove right in and boom, it was gone like smoke. Yeah? Once you get the hang of it, you build that courage and you realize that you can, rather than that dialogue you've been telling yourself all along, all along, that you can't. But Art and I have been going at this long enough that we can express it and share it with you all that, yes, there is freedom on the other side of that fear, and having these conversations is very important. So are you having these conversations with a good friend, a mentor, colleague, someone that you trust? 

Arturo Diaz  12:36

And do you think that fear might be holding you back in any way? Do you think you have self limiting beliefs? Have there been missed opportunities in your life? Do you think fear maybe has had an impact on your relationships or your career? If you could say yes to any of that, like spend the time thinking about that? But what that means, and it's not to say that you are broken. It simply means to say that, like you're allowing the fear to man the ship, when the way it's supposed to work is that the fear is simply information for you, the real person at the helm of the ship as upi make your next choice. Fear is only a resource. It's only something that's meant to serve you. It's not meant to be the lead. 

Anthony Catalino  13:13

It's meant to prevent you from getting eaten by a sabertooth tiger. But yeah, remember false evidence appearing real. Fear, an acronym for fear false evidence appearing real, like Arturo said, it is a great, wonderful resource. It can be incredibly beneficial to more profound freedom, but that's up to you to discover what you're actually afraid of, maybe what narrative, what story, is attached to that fear. 

Arturo Diaz  13:36

Now I'm pretty sure the body keeps score. Includes this. One of my favorite points about fear is that something that's something really unique about humans, we're the only creatures on earth capable of putting ourselves into a complete state of distress through our thoughts. Think about it. You don't see a deer in the forest suddenly freezing up because they remembered something traumatic from five years ago. But us humans, our minds are so powerful that we can trigger our entire nervous systems with just a memory or even just a hypothetical scenario, just a thought, we can find our entire bodies with fear chemicals simply by thinking about past dramas or even imagining a future disaster. 

Anthony Catalino  14:18

Another, another book that art and I have both read that I think would be incredibly useful for you to read, is a Return To Love by Marion Williamson, and she talks a lot about the opposite of fear is unconditional love. So maybe it's important for you to take an inventory and take a look, a deep look at what parts of yourselves don't you love. Because remember, we've all been taught a distortion of what love is, because most of the time, love comes with some sort of attachment or belief that if you love me, then I will love you back. When true love is unconditional. So I think that could be a good place to start. What in your life Don't you care for I know for myself, it was my body. I like put on a little bit of weight recently, and I thought it would never happen again, but I realized there was more love to give my body during the time when I put on a little bit of weight and I'm just like thinking about the animals, that would be like, oh dar;omg, I gained some weight, 

Arturo Diaz  15:13

But meanwhile, I have never even noticed you gain weight. But I understand in the mindset, yes, it's all within your own like internal dialogue. I never would have caught that with you, 

Anthony Catalino  15:25

But, but that's, that's, but I'm just, you know, other people don't have to witness the actual gain. Other people don't have to witness whatever I'm experiencing. That's my experience. 

Arturo Diaz  15:35

But I love the idea that fear and love are on the opposite sides of the same coin. 

Anthony Catalino  15:40

If something is without love, there's fear, there fear of the unknown, fear of not being cared for, of being wanted, fear of getting hurt, fear of uncertainty. Like the less fear I have around bees, the more they can fly powerful. I used to be terrified of my dog being super aggressive, and I learned through him being aggressive for so many years that it was me. It was my uncertainty. Was the fear that I was living in. And I asked for some guidance, I did some research, and I kept on leaning to the fear. Every time someone at the dog park would be like, Oh no, your dog's totally fine. I trust that our dogs would get together, and then one time, after another, after another, of this beautiful leaning into something that was so uncomfortable. For me, my dog can now hang around with any dog, and that's a there's a world of freedom and not be a dog person, and can really that. But for me, I feel like I can fucking do anything now. So there's so many things we can be fearful in life. Could be actual, physical things, or can just be made up in our mind. And Arturo, art and I are here to remind you that you can overcome it, but you have to seek that out. You have to decide that. No one's going to do it for you. 

Arturo Diaz  16:45

One of my favorite concepts I've come across in meditations and in books is the idea that we are the one that we've been waiting for. I know it might sound like a cheesy self helpline, but hear me out. It's actually a very powerful truth. 

Anthony Catalino  16:59

No, it's beautiful. 

Arturo Diaz  17:00

You grew up with these fairy tales about Prince Charming or some magical Savior coming to rescue us, but that's not the real story. The truth is you are your own hero. You're the one who has to face your dragons, who has to confront your fears, who has to do the work of saving yourself. You're not just the protagonist in your life story. You're also the warrior, the sage, and, yes, even the hero. 

Anthony Catalino  17:27

But you're not alone. Like, if you feel like you're alone, you're maybe you're feeling the weight of maybe you're feeling joy, joy right now, like I got this, or maybe you're feeling the weight of what we're talking about. Rest on your shoulders and it's heavy. You're not alone. Arturo and I are here. There were other people in your life that love and support you, and if you choose to believe that false narrative, they there's nobody, then that's up to you. That's on you. You're not alone. Ask for help. Don't ask for help to the people that you don't trust. Don't ask for help the people like like if you have a partner, don't ask for their help. Because I've asked for help a lot of times for my partner, and never got it, and then I thought terrible things of him, but he wasn't the person that was supposed to ask to help enrich my life. So we've been talking about fear. Feel like we've given a lot of explanation. We've been getting a lot of goodness. We've shared some books, some ideas, some ways to take an inventory. Anything else we can share with our listeners today. Arturo

Arturo Diaz  18:16

Let's talk about the difference between fear and intuition. People often confuse these two internal signals, but they feel completely different in the body. Yeah, fear is emotional and sometimes even hysterical. I can make you spiral and real of panic intuition. Intuition speaks with clarity. It's that quiet sleep voice inside, but simply says this is what feels right. When  I navigate my own life decisions to try to pause and check in with myself and determine, am I reacting from or am I responding from that deep well of inner wisdom? They'll have access to this infinite wisdom within us. The key is learning to distinguish between fears, loud, chaotic energy, intuitions, clear, grounded guidance. They create distinctly different sensations in their body. Once you learn how to recognize them. 

Anthony Catalino  19:00

And you have, you learned to differentiate between the two? 

Arturo Diaz  19:03

Yeah, because fear is emotional. It feels it always comes with, I want to say yells inside, like, oh my god, we're freaking out right now. This is not okay. Whereas intuition is soft spoken, usually it comes across, you know what to do. I'm like, I do know what to do, actually. Thank you. 

Anthony Catalino  19:20

I also feel, yeah, I feel like fear is more anxiety based The heart races dind of thing you like. You feel it like a heaviness in your body where intuition, yeah, it's more subtle. Tap your hands in your heart, ask it like, hey, is this real? Is this what I should be doing right now? Remember this power and asking that's asking for help. What would my heart do in this situation? Now, it may not be what we want to hear, because the mind will try to play tricks on it, but that's because the mind is so powerful, like Art said, it's been programmed for so many years that you all the all the time that you've been on this planet. So we want to make sure we're going with our heart rather than our head, because our head can say, Oh, if you're hungry, because you get a message from your stomach that says, oh, it's time to eat. But what if those hunger pains that you're experiencing were actually different messages, or what if they were actually breaking down your food and going through the digestive process? I don't, I'm leaning, leaning away from fear right now, but it's, it's literally more hard than your mind, because your mind will say, like, eat, but your heart's like, your fault. 

Arturo Diaz  20:13

Because I do think the mind, the way it operates, is primarily driven by fear, right? Whereas your heart is not concerned with fear at all. So if you're gaming out worst case scenarios, that's all fear based thinking, right? Because you don't feel the fear is coming out of your heart. You don't feel them coming here to come from here. It's all like, if this happens in this and then I they will all find I'm a fraud. That's all like, nonsensical story weaving your mind does, or our minds are great storytelling, yeah. And sometimes I'd be like, Thank you for your all that you do. Thank you for protecting me, but I need you to calm down right now and, like, just enjoy the view. Because, like, relax, relax. Yeah, totally Yeah. 

Anthony Catalino  20:50

Then again, I think that's that's actually stepping up and building courage and asking for help, and that sense of like, Hey, I see you. I feel you. Relax a little bit. It's going to be okay, because so many of our actions are based from the fear. So if we're about to do something, yes, is that based in fear, or is that based in love? Is that a loving something that I'm about to do are the thoughts that I'm curating in my head that are like curating worrisome worry is just projecting into the future all these things that may go wrong, but it doesn't exist. So let's bring it back to the present moment, because those thoughts of worry are not based in love. They're based in fear. What if it all falls What if it all works out that's more loving? I don't mean to be the spoiler, but like, your life is about to get really, really good. How about focus on that for a little while? It's not about being positive. It's just about leaning more into love rather than fear.  Yeah, I love that you brought up Marianne WIlliamson, and I do love the book Return to Love. She herself is a fascinating figure. She was a spiritual leader, philosopher, an attempted politician. She ran to be the Democratic nominee for president, yeah, and but she's had 1001 lives. At one point, she was a cabaret singer in New York City, and in her book Return To Love, she talks a lot of power of rock bottom, because, as she described in the book, she's had multiple rock bottoms in her life, where she's been on her knees praying for God's mercy and guidance, and she realized at one point in her life. Why do I just stay down there and stay in conversation with the divine, the powerful book that manages to make sense of how Christianity  may have some universal truth for even those of us who question organized religion. 

Arturo Diaz  22:15

She's got a lot of truth to share. You may not agree with her view on things, but maybe because, maybe, maybe that's because you're living in more fear, and everything she might a lot of what she talks about goes against the grain, against what you believe. Is it based in fear, or is it based in love? Are you leaning more towards fear or are you leaning more towards love? Wherever you are in your life? Currently, you can make the changes Art and I didn't have these peachy, fun, bright lives. We've gone through hell and back, and that's part of it. Trust the process. You gotta live in fear for a while to realize that's not going to live so don't discount any of the beauty that you're experiencing. Yes, I called fear beautiful. Life gets messy. That's it's all part of it.  Fear is a part, like I said before, it's an important, valuable resource. But do not let it dominate your life. But don't avoid it. It's something that's it's helpful. It helps us navigate our world, but don't let it like dictate the story,  Because that monster under your bed was never real to be in, and you just took some time before you actually looked Do you remember that when you were a kid?  Yeah, looking back, I think we as adults, we still do. It's fascinating how we still create monsters in our mind, yet suddenly we keep building them bigger and scary. There's a part of humanity that's drawn to fear. Just look, people are glued the news, watching one terrifying story after another. There's even a term for it, news porn. It's like the addictive consumption of scary headlines and catastrophic stories. My parents sometimes call me in a panic about whatever crisis is trending on the news, and I had to gently remind them that this endless cycle of fear isn't helping anyone. We have to learn how to distinguish between real threats and the monsters we created in our minds. 

Anthony Catalino  23:50

Sure, and ultimately, you can't change their lives, but you can make the changes in your own. 

Arturo Diaz  23:54

Yeah

Anthony Catalino  23:55

I feel like ever since I stopped watching the news that was a tremendous had a tremendous positive effect on the quality of my life, because then we get fearful about, what if it all falls apart? What if the dollar goes extinct? What if we go to world war three? What if all these things, and the more that I play into those roles or play into those stories, I feel the fear in my body, and I feel like I limit myself from more joy, and so I just get them gone, take them out, extract them. Stop paying, stop giving my beautiful, profound attention over to those things, and instead, I focus on building myself up, and that's how we create a better quality of life for ourselves that's leaning more into love than the fear anything else are before we go. 

Arturo Diaz  24:31

Well, I fear we mean that time, but I'm thankful that we had this conversation today. 

Anthony Catalino  24:37

Thank God. We buckled up. We strapped ourselves in. 

Arturo Diaz  24:40

Yeah, it was a bumpy ride, but I'm glad we did it. 

Anthony Catalino  24:42

All right, my dears, so great to be with you during this time our YASKING, tell your friends, remember, we're not medical professionals. We're just here to share our story and our experience. 

Arturo Diaz  24:51

YASKING, Until next time!

26:22

Arturo Diaz  38:39

water, Very Good.

39:02

I'm