Episode 21 - The Art of Letting Go: From White-Knuckling to Freedom

Ready to release what's no longer serving you, buttercups? In this raw and real episode, Arturo and Anthony dive deep into the transformative power of letting go - and no, we're not talking about that Frozen song!

From clinging to expired relationships to releasing outdated versions of ourselves, we explore why letting go might be the most powerful skill you never knew you needed. Through personal stories (including Arturo's journey with his ex and Anthony's evolution beyond people-pleasing), we unpack:

• The difference between giving up and releasing
• Why our scarcity mindset keeps us holding on
• How the queer experience uniquely shapes our attachment patterns
• Practical steps for letting go (from decluttering to boundary-setting)
• Why nostalgia can be deceiving
• The connection between letting go and personal power

Whether you're gripping tight to old dreams, other people's expectations, or a version of yourself that no longer fits, this episode offers both compassion and practical wisdom for releasing what's expired to make space for what's meant for you.

Remember: You can't receive your future if you're still clutching your past. Time to let go and level up!

Tune in to "YASKing with Anthony and Arturo" on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Don't forget to subscribe and follow Anthony on TikTok at @coachcatalino and Arturo on IG at @arturodiaz and TikTok @arturodiaznyc

Transcript

The Art of Letting Go / YASKING Podcast Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

letting go, holding on, old versions, scarcity mindset, imagination power, releasing relationships, perfectionism, traumas grip, people pleasing, decluttering, meditation, mindfulness, healthy boundaries, new narratives, personal power

SPEAKERS

Arturo Diaz, Anthony Catalino

Arturo Diaz  00:07

Welcome To YASKing. With Anthony and Arturo, I'm Arturo Diaz

Anthony Catalino  00:13

And I'm Anthony Catalino,

Arturo Diaz  00:16

today, we're diving deep into the Art of Letting Go. And no, we're not talking about that Frozen song, whether you're holding onto a relationship that's over, a dream that's expired, or a version yourself that no longer fits, we're exploring why letting go might be the most powerful skill you never knew you needed. So buckle up buttercups! It's time to get real, get inspired and start asking the big questions. Are you ready to learn a difference between holding on and holding yourself back?

Anthony Catalino  00:45

I don't know. Are you art? You're ready to ask yourself that question?

Arturo Diaz  00:49

Gotta hold on for one more day...

Anthony Catalino  00:52

Hold on! Yea, Wilson Phillips. 

Arturo Diaz  00:54

Wilson Phillips, yes. 

Anthony Catalino  00:56

Love will save the day. Love will save the day. And if you're holding on to  stuff,  is love really present? Let's, let's begin there. How about there?

Arturo Diaz  01:04

I know for myself I've held on to things that no longer serve me because I'm afraid of the unknown and I'm so attached to the joy or the comfort that's something used to give me. 

Anthony Catalino  01:17

I like that. But what is it actually joyful holding on to those things because it might be driving me crazy, or is it just the comfort factor?

Arturo Diaz  01:24

No, notice, I said, the joy it used to give me....

Anthony Catalino  01:27

Ah, Excuse me,

Arturo Diaz  01:28

So, I'm living in the memories instead of living in the moment, and I think that the joy I used to get from it is something I can replicate again, and not understanding that maybe something I used to be, I used to derive joy from is no longer for me. I've outgrown it. The longing for it is actually torturous.

Anthony Catalino  01:51

Yeah, and funny enough, I realized in my life that, like once, I have gained the courage to let those things go, previous, relationships, ideas, business adventures, whatever it may be, once I finally let it go like something better replaces it, almost not replaces it, but takes its space, because I've opened up space. But until you start doing that, it's really hard to trust that everything's going to be okay and it's actually going to improve the quality of your life by snipping that string, allowing it to detach.

Arturo Diaz  02:21

So here's what I'm discovering about letting go so many of the things I am clutching belong to an old version of me. I still struggle with other people's expectations of me. And trust me, it's something I'm actively working on, and even the smallest acts of releasing, have shown me glimpses of what's possible. I feel like every time I loosen my grip just a little, I make space for something that's if it's who I'm becoming, let it go as an actual practice that you have to do over and over again.

Anthony Catalino  02:59

That's brilliant, and it's lovely that you can reflect on that, witness that, and appreciate that, rather than getting caught up in the noise.

Arturo Diaz  03:05

Let's talk about something real, the scarcity mindset that tells us to settle. I still struggle with this, that voice that whispers This is as good as it's gonna get, or you don't deserve better. And what happens when we buy into that story? We end up white knuckling relationship situations and dreams that we have outgrown all because we're afraid to trust that something better is possible.

Anthony Catalino  03:31

It's interesting. Because I think one of the best things we can do is really harness the power of what the beauty of our imaginations, and that's something we use pretty, pretty heavily as a child. In the end, as an adult, it's almost like, well, that's childlike. So why would I do that? And so I feel like so many people miss out on this, these beautiful opportunities in life, creating whatever it is that they desire in life with their imaginations, but because it, you know, it was useful then, and maybe it was useful then, but you got cut off by your parents saying, don't do that or don't act that way, or don't be that kind of person, because they were trying to keep keep you in the confinements of who you should, who they thought you should be, rather than allowing you to be expressive and explore your own creativity, in your own mind, in your own heart.

Arturo Diaz  04:16

I couldn't agree more. It's fascinating how we limit what's possible for ourselves. We get so caught up in what's realistic that we forget to dream bigger. In my own journey, letting go has shown up in three powerful ways. First, has been releasing relationships, whether it's romantic partners, friendships or even family dynamics that I have outgrown. That's where my work started, then came the deeper challenge of letting go of outdated versions of myself that I had held on. I had an iron grip on the idea of being the perfect student and then defining myself through my career. I really over identified with perfectionism and the need for control, but that's like, that's a total fool's errand. Your goal shouldn't be perfection. It should be growth. And maybe the most challenging one for me has been releasing what I would call trauma's grip on my identity. It's wild how comfortable I've gotten with wounds, how I've over identified with them, until they've almost become like a safety blanket. I'm learning that acknowledging and dealing with my past doesn't mean I have to keep living in it, but full transparency that's still daily work for me.

Anthony Catalino  05:33

I think that was a good word there. Over identify. It's like think incessantly over it, about it, when, like, nine times out of 10, it was just a lesson. It wasn't a life sentence. Yet, I can relate to so many the list of things you just said that you have, it sounds like you've allowed yourself to let go. And how courageous and beautiful of that, myself included, if the number of things that I've let go of, it continues like I don't even think it will ever end, because we're made of complicated systems. I think we fail to remember how intelligent our bodies actually are. And yet, if you're like me, I've abused it for years. Thought I was less than all because of ideas or other people's opinions of what it's you know what, who it is to be gay, overweight, so many narratives that I feel like I got lost in, but over identify. Yeah, it's almost I got obsessed with that. 

Arturo Diaz  06:29

I spent years obsessing about dreams that weren't even mine, like this, idea that success meant having the perfect corporate career. I held onto that vision way past its expiration date. Even when I achieved it, I was kind of miserable, but I kept coaching, clutching to it because I cared more about other people's approval, than my own happiness. But here's what I've learned, if we keep living for other people's expectations , we will never find our own path. Sometimes, Letting go means releasing the dreams that look good to others but don't feel right to us.

Anthony Catalino  07:13

Yeah, and it's interesting how, like the initial idea of, you know you're being passionate about your you know your career then, and how that changes as we get older. I've changed my passions a million times, or the things that I wanted to invest more of my time in. And what are some of the things that we've invested a lot of our time in were other people's thoughts about who we should be. And so we went along with it for a long time, but then at some point, we're like, Whoa, that that's not that's not my joy. That's not something I want to participate in any long and so allowing ourselves to either release that narrative or giving up, I think there's a big difference between giving up something and releasing. 

Arturo Diaz  07:47

So that's a key distinction. Giving up versus releasing. I've chosen not to have children, and for some people, having kids and their achievements are important status symbols, and that's totally valid for them, but for me, I can completely release that expectation because it doesn't align with who I am. I'm also reminded of this interesting dynamic I've noticed since graduating from Stanford, some of my fellow alumni engage in subtle competition games, listing off their accomplishments like they're collecting trophies. And while I can appreciate their success, I find myself genuinely uninterested, like take cars. For instance. I have friends who could talk for hours about their vehicle specs and features. So maybe because I live in New York, I have zero, zero, interest in participating in that conversation, I could be not any more bored. I could recognize that these things bring other people genuine joy and status, and I could see why they might be impressed. But I've learned to be comfortable to say that's not my measure of success. It's like we're speaking different languages, and that's okay.

Anthony Catalino  09:04

Yeah, it's interesting because it makes me, it has it has made me question or wonder the things that I found joyful at one time, like, Why did I find those joyful? Again, was it my belief? Was it something that I was like, truly in love with or cared about or is it because I felt the pressure that I should be doing X, Y and Z? I should be being x, y and z to appease other people, please other people? But all in all, it comes down to: my life. It's my choices. I've felt so rewarded. I've been so grateful for the things I've so called overcome or given up or let go of, there's still things that I would like to let go of. So maybe we could talk about that for a moment, that the things that we're having a hard time letting go of, can you be a little more graceful with yourself, because you're a human being, we get attached to things, particularly in this I mean, like every human but in the queer community, what are we attached to? What are you attached to that is actually doing you a disservice, but you were led to believe it's what you should be participating in, perfecting, over-perfecting. How many of you have to over perfect your life because it makes you feel a little more worthy or better? Think about it like, what things in your life? Now, it's nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, but a lot of times we do it because of a trauma response. If my mother reminds me one more time, "you never pay attention to detail." Well, now I'm anal with detail, and is it actually a good thing for me, or is it not? You know what I mean, like, she constantly invented that in my head that I wasn't paying enough attention. But I do my very best to pay attention to my life. If things get a little dusty, it's part of the part of the process.

Arturo Diaz  10:53

Yeah, this really hits home. My most recent lesson in letting go been the relationship with  my most recent ex, even after the breakup, I kept holding on, not just to the good memories, but to the moments I had with him, where I felt connected and so full of optimism and joy that I found this this incredible love. I think I cling on to those memories even tighter because I was going through some rough challenges, and they were a recent reference point of feeling truly happy and alive, but nostalgia is a highlight reel that conveniently forgets why things ended in the first place.Yes,  these beautiful moments were real, but so were the reasons we broke up, and I've come to see that holding on to what's over actually blocks what's possible, whether that's me meeting someone new, or simply learning to enjoy my own company, but it sometimes is hard to let go. It's like putting my hand back on a stove, because I remember the warmth, but forget the burn. I recognize that every time I get caught in these patterns, I'm wasting energy that could go toward creating something new. Now it's been interesting to see how that experience my ex is teaching me like though, in other areas of my life, like evolving my relationship with my parents. Each time we practice releasing something. It's like we get a little better at letting go,

Anthony Catalino  12:11

YASking!. Now, this didn't happen, like you didn't break up yesterday. This took a little bit of time for you to discover these, these beautiful, little a-has. 

Arturo Diaz  12:20

Yeah, it took us. It took us, took us a second. It took us a moment. And in fact, I'm still learning it

Anthony Catalino  12:25

It took, took a few moments. So I think I just want to be completely transparent with you all listening that yeah, this didn't happen over this, that awareness, that reflection, might have happened overnight, but you guys have been broken up for some time now. Yeah, so life takes time.

Arturo Diaz  12:41

It does take time. It takes so much time. And yeah, go ahead,

Anthony Catalino  12:47

you did say something that I wanted to bring up. How many of you listening continue to put your hand on that hot stove, even though you know it's hot like we continue to revisit the things that are taking us down that are so called, our saboteurs, people pleasing, living in fear. It's almost like we've grown to like the only thing we know is on how to keep on giving our attention over to things that can take us down. And yet, if we just can recognize where we have some attachment styles, where some things are actually doing us a disservice now, because it's we're a new person now, we've gone through so much learning and growing in evolution, we're not that person we used to be, and yet, and I'm I'm first to admit the amount of times I put my hand on a hot stove. I did it yesterday twice, and I'm feeling the effects from it today, and I'm just getting over a cold. So if I sound a little hoars... but at the same time, we're freaking human beings. We gotta be more graceful with ourselves. We can talk about letting go all day long... Art, and I love talking about all this stuff. That's why we're here. But at the same time, we got to be graceful. If you can take anything from these sessions and these, these podcast recordings, be graceful with yourself, and a lot of you will discover the magic in the present moment. Most of you are focusing on the past, and why is it different now? And how can you make it the same as the past, when it's not supposed to be the same, right? 

Arturo Diaz  13:02

There's definitely a queer perspective to this, of that as gay people, as queer people, we've had to let go of societal expectations of how we should live our lives. We've had to work to release internalized homophobia, abandon the need to prove ourselves to others, free ourselves from other people's narratives of who we are, and find our own strength and being our authentic selves. And again, that's why like being queer superpower, because you go through all that to assert your right to be who you are,

Anthony Catalino  14:51

We need to write a book on being queer is a superpower,

Arturo Diaz  14:54

Yeah, and let's wear capes on the book tour.

Anthony Catalino  14:57

No, I think, I think that's beautiful. We actually gain more personal power the more we allow ourselves to let go. Think about it if we're reliving the past, but all that really exists is the present, and we're reliving these hurtful parts of ourselves in the past, and most of us don't even realize that we're not allowing our we're not allowing our current self to be fueled with that personal power, but instead fueled with piss like sad parts of ourselves, and the more we can chip away and we can actually heal from those parts of ourselves, rewrite the narratives, the stories that we've been we've been playing on repeat for so long, the act and letting all that go you more space within you for that personal power. And then that's when you start to realize you're a super motherfucking powerful person. And all along, it was all just life lessons. It wasn't a death sentence. None of it was.

Arturo Diaz  15:47

So, I wanted to share some practical steps for letting go. There is a lot of power in ritual and ceremony. We've discussed before, the power of journaling, having journaling exercises to become aware of all this, because, like Anthony said, my breakup happened literally, like over a year ago, but it was literally the tough for the past year, I've gone through the emotions of everything and that I've been able to write down stuff that I start to see the ways that I was self sabotaging and putting my hand back on the stove, and identify how I was still holding on. I've also found for myself that if I declutter, physically declutter, clutter my space, and let go of physical possessions, it helps me feel more mentally free. Marie Kondo is onto something there, because I do feel myself mentally more cluttered, if, like my space is cluttered. So that's something I'd do for myself. I find that meditation and mindfulness techniques are really helpful for me to get clear. So that's been a daily practice for me, and we've discussed before, setting healthy boundaries has been also impactful for me in terms of keeping my sanity, or keeping being able to like realign myself to get clear about what I want, because so often I burnt myself out appeasing other people, because I have these people pleasing tendencies in me, and finally, just Like being able to like create new narratives, not being wedded to the way things used to be, but be optimistic and confident that I can believe in something greater than what I've experienced, and that I have this proactive role in shaping my reality, because I have that power. 

Anthony Catalino  17:41

And how do we create the world as we want it? We be that person. I think it's, I can't remember the person that said it, but it was Be the change that you wish to see in the world. Gandhi, I think it was Be the change so many people want the world change, yet they're too afraid to change themselves. They're all the stories you're holding on to, and every single thing. And those were, that was a great list that was a great list that you just suggested to our listeners. Are thank you for that. What do they all have in common? They're all just energy. If you declutter your spaces, you are opening up clean energy to flow through, and you're going to feel the effects from it. That's why clean spaces feel so good. But when you're when you're a home, is declutter is cluttered. That's a reflection of the way you feel inside. I've been there before. I'll never forget. I lived with my siblings my early 20s in Los Angeles, and I was going to probably the dark, some of the darkest time in my life, heavy drug usage. I was using crystal, crystal meth, lots of cocaine, smoke, marijuana, drinking alcohol, just really low on myself. And it was kind of the only time that I've ever been like that, much of a piggy mess. More, those are all true and a mess and a whore. I came home one day and they had cleaned my room, and in that space, I felt seen, I felt heard and I felt loved They didn't have to do that, but they knew that something wasn't right with me, or something was off about me, and they gave me a hand, they gave me a hug. I'll never forget it. And did my life transform?  Then in that moment? No, but I gained the courage to walk away from a lot of those people set those boundaries. I actually left LA entirely because I was having a really challenging time getting away from certain people that would feed me these drugs. And then I met Art in New York City, and I started city, and I started partying all over again. So, you know, we might revisit some of the parts of ourselves that we don't necessarily care for, but trust the process. I feel better than ever in my skin at 43 and I look forward to a bright, prosperous future. Better than ever.

Arturo Diaz  19:36

I had a very similar experience after we stopped hanging out. I remember one point I had to drop out of the New York scene for a bit because I felt so caught up at the scene here. I did move to California for a bit, and I did come back to New York. I didn't tell people I was back. I let people believe that I was still gone, because I needed to let go of the way that had been living. Don't think I was intentionally doing all that. I just knew that, I knew in that moment that I was trying to figure out what was best for me, and I didn't intentionally mean to cut off contact with people. I was just so focused on myself that it wasn't until a couple years later that I ran to somebody in the street and they asked if I still lived in California and then  I realized I didn't update people. 

Anthony Catalino  20:18

We're just about out of time. But I would have did want to throw in you use that word that we love to use, which is intention. And yes, Art and I didn't do things intentionally before, but now that we show up intentionally, even though things still take time, like the time is cut in half because our hearts in on it, the care and the desire to to help curate a better quality of life for ourselves is present. It's clear, while appreciating all the parts of us that are might still feel a little broken or challenged and so forth, but we show up with intention, so that changes everything. So next time you wake up, what's your intention for the day? How would you love to feel? How do you deserve to be treated? Remember, things don't happen overnight, so you might deserve to be treated with respect, but remember to remind yourself to treat yourself with that same respect. You might not get respect from everyone. I got lost in this whole idea of like, being more kind to people, and they would get pissed off when they weren't kind back. You don't know what other people are going through. Keep stay the course. Keep trying. Practice letting go. What can you let go of? Who can you let go of? Don't worry about the how that's up to the universe, your God, your angels, just set the intention to let go of some things that no longer serve you and trust the process. 

Arturo Diaz: 

Before we go, let's recap some practical steps for your own letting go practice:

1. Daily Practices:

• Start with small releases - declutter one drawer, delete one old photo
• Set an intention each morning about what you're ready to release
• Notice when you're overidentifying with old stories

1. Weekly Check-ins:

• Journal about what's no longer serving you
• Identify one boundary you need to set
• Practice saying "that's not my measure of success" when needed

1. Remember These Truth Bombs:

• Nostalgia is a highlight reel that conveniently forgets why things ended
• Your hands can't receive your future if they're still clutching your past
• Sometimes letting go means releasing dreams that look good to others but don't feel right to you

1. Be Gentle With Yourself:

• Letting go is a practice, not a perfect
• Give yourself permission to outgrow things, even good things
• Trust that what's meant for you won't miss you

Thank you for joining us on this journey of letting go. Remember buttercups, you're not losing anything by releasing what's expired - you're making space for what's truly meant for you.

Anthony Catalino 

Boom,yes YAS KING!

Arturo Diaz  21:25

boom, boom. Thank you so much for our lovely conversation today. Anthony, 

Anthony Catalino  21:29

Always a pleasure 

Arturo Diaz  21:30

Until next time, keep shining and keep YASKing!