Episode 33 - The Confidence Myth: Why Self-Belief is Built, Not Born

What if confidence isn’t about being fearless, but about trusting yourself even when you’re scared? In this episode of YASKing with Anthony and Arturo, we break down the myths around confidence and share real, practical tools to help you build it—step by step.

We dive into:

• The truth about confidence (hint: it’s not about being extroverted or perfect)
• How to silence self-doubt and shift negative self-talk
• Small, daily habits that strengthen your confidence over time
• The power of body language, self-awareness, and celebrating your wins
• Personal stories of overcoming insecurity and stepping into our power

Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s a skill you build. So buckle up, buttercups! Are you ready to YASK the big question: What if you’re braver than you think?

🎧 Listen now, take one small action today, and watch your confidence grow!

Tune in to "YASKing with Anthony and Arturo" on Spotify, with Apple Podcasts coming soon. Don't forget to subscribe and follow Anthony on IG and TikTok at @coachcatalino and Arturo on IG at @arturodiaz and TikTok @arturodiaznyc

Tune in to "YASKing with Anthony and Arturo" on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Don't forget to subscribe and follow Anthony on TikTok at @coachcatalino and Arturo on IG at @arturodiaz and TikTok @arturodiaznyc

Transcript

YASKING Transcript Building Confidence

Arturo Diaz  00:07

Welcome to YASKING with Anthony and Arturo, I'm Arturo Diaz

Anthony Catalino  00:12

And I'm Anthony Catalino

Arturo Diaz  00:15

Today we're diving into why true confidence isn't about perfection or praise, it's about trusting yourself at every step. Buckle up buttercups. Are you ready to ask the big question, what if you're braver than you think? 

Anthony Catalino  00:30

Well, are you? Are you, Arturo?  

Arturo Diaz  00:32

Am I braver than I think? I know I'm brave now, but it took me a while to believe that, to understand that there are brave parts within me that I can cultivate and allow to take the lead,

Anthony Catalino  00:45

And what has been the outcome from that? 

Arturo Diaz  00:47

A better life, a freer life....

Anthony Catalino  00:50

How about more confidence in thy self? A little Shakespeare here

Arturo Diaz  00:59

Yeah, absolutely. By the end of this episode, we hope that we will have offered fresh insights and practical tools to boost your self confidence. 

Anthony Catalino  01:08

I mean, I like to believe that's why we're all that's why that's always why we're here, right? We're always here to provide tools, offer stories, allow people to realize they're not alone. 

Arturo Diaz  01:17

Yeah, yeah. And this is actually a universal experience. A lot of us do not know the basic steps we can take to build self confidence, and a lot of it comes down to like, confusion as to what confidence even means. So maybe let's jump in and cover why confidence might not be about having all the answers. It's really about trusting yourself along the way. For me, things I was confused about was that I think I associated confidence with bravado, like someone acting brave and like a heroic and that's not really what confidence means. It's about having an inner trust in your own worth your abilities and your decisions. So it's actually a skill, not a fixed trait, that is built over time. And I think many people mistake confidence for being extroverted or fearless. That's not the case. True. Confidence means you feel secure in who you are, even you experience fear. Because everyone experience fear,

Anthony Catalino  02:13

And I think more than ever, people are really experiencing fear depending on where you devote your attention. There's a lot of lot of crazy things going on in the world. But does it have to stop us from increasing the confidence in our life? I don't think so. I mean, but for myself, I I thought like confidence was like, you had to be book smart, or you had to be intelligent. And that's not who I was as a kid growing up, I did get the humanitarian abroad in eighth grade, even though I had no idea what that meant. So I was praised for being a nice guy, a nice boy, but I didn't think that like I could have the confidence to do all achieve, all accomplish, all that I've done so far in my life. And I feel like I'm just skimming the surface. I feel like I'm just beginning

Arturo Diaz  03:00

Because you didn't think you were worthy of confidence, because you thought you lacked an essential ingredient to make you worthy to be confident of yourself

Anthony Catalino  03:11

I couldn't have said it any better.

Arturo Diaz  03:12

And we all have a version of that. We all carry versions of that. There's always a reason why I'm not worthy of having the life I really want,

Anthony Catalino  03:21

And I feel like that's that could possibly be, because we every time we try, a lot of times we get either, you know, stepped on or thrown aside, or if we allow our ego mind to get the best of us, we're going to believe that it's not possible. But like, confidence isn't like, oh, I tried once and became confident. Learning to walk. You don't just try once and there you go, skipping along.

Arturo Diaz  03:48

Yeah, yeah. There's so many things, I think of times we hear believe these stories. That's one, confident people don't doubt themselves. That's BS, everyone has stuff down. The difference is, like, confident people push forward despite the self doubt.

Anthony Catalino  04:05

I also find that confidence. A lot of times, people mistaken me as confident as arrogant instead. And it mostly happens through my when I used to do a lot of TikTok lives, people would think I was like, you know, two in my mind or two in my head. And evidently they haven't hung out with me long enough, because, if anything, I just have a huge heart for humanity, and it was something that I had to learn to appreciate, you know, about myself, and actually continue to show up. The only way that I became more confident in who I was was continuing to show up, continuing to try again. So there is some common misconceptions, misconceptions, self doubt. Like you said, appearance, yeah, you have to look a certain way to be confident,

Arturo Diaz  04:51

And in a way self image can help, for sure, if you have, if you're confident about your appearance, that can help but like deep confidence is rooted in self talk, the way you treat yourself, your mindset, 

Anthony Catalino  05:01

Which is something, as we discussed time and time again, is something to curate over time, but you gotta desire it to begin with. You can't, you can't think like, oh, I want to become confident, but never give it any of your attention. I will say that the majority of people that I've worked with confident is one of the number one things they want to change in their life. You know, we all, I'm all about setting the intention, and when we set the intention, that's usually one of the things that I desire to be more confident, and that's in my relationships, that's at my job, that's in who I am. So it really does funnel into different areas, arenas of your life. But a lot of people seek, and quite possibly, if you're here listening, you do as well. 

Arturo Diaz  05:43

That was absolutely me when I first started working with you. That was the first thing. But I wanted to be more confident. I wanted to believe in myself and root for myself more. But I thought either you had confidence or you didn't, and that's just one of those people who didn't have it. But the past couple years, I've learned that confidence grows with consistent effort, practice and self compassion. It's literally something you have to cultivate within yourself. And should we talk about that process for a moment? What does that look like? How do we cultivate something in our lives? Where does it where do we start? For me, number one was developing self awareness and examining the inner dialog that I was having, I had to notice all their critical self talk and reframe that I'm not good enough to I'm learning I'm capable. And guess what, I'm pretty fucking magical, actually. Thank you very much. The second tool to build confidence, micro actions and exposure. I've taken small, manageable steps outside my comfort zone. I found that fear shrinks when you face it in small, consistent ways. So celebrating the small wins you sent me a beautiful video yesterday. I forgot the guy who spoke on it, and we should credit him, but he talked about the difference in ceilings and floors. People start off the new year trying to adopt a healthy get a lifestyle. They do the 90 day hard, 75 hard, and people usually crash half for 10 days. But if you do commit to just like waking up, getting better sleep, or eating healthier and doing a couple things every week consistently, it builds up over time,

Anthony Catalino  07:19

massively. And I'm going to continue looking for that guy's name. He's He's blown up on TikTok. He's a super generous person. I feel like a lot of times people get lost. And I want to back backtrack for a moment when you say small steps. Because I feel like people get lost in the big picture. They think like the big picture, where they how they wish to feel, ultimately, and and what they wish to accomplish, which confidence overall is the end result, right? But then they get lost in all the work and everything that it takes to get there, when, if you just give yourself some grace, and, like art said, small, manageable steps that, yes, what might be out of your comfort zone, but that's because you're trying to change the person that you are currently, which can be scary, which can be overwhelming. But if you want to be that confident person, the old version of you has to, I don't say die, but has to be let go,

Arturo Diaz  08:13

For me, the gym is like an easy place to draw examples. But I used to be afraid of working on the gym because I thought I was too skinny in my early 20s. And now the gym is a place where I shine and thrive. I've gotten the body I have today because of all these like small little steps I've made throughout my life, lifestyle choices that nurture me. I always get good sleep. I generally eat healthy. I don't drink very much alcohol. So taking all those small little steps has led me to a place where I really enjoy my vitality and health and the way my body functions,

Anthony Catalino  08:43

It's taken time. But did you...I'm curious. I actually don't know if I know if I know this or not, but did you ever think that your body would look as defined as it does? Because you do spend a lot of time on it, it's really a beautiful thing that you're dedicated.

Arturo Diaz  08:57

I don't think I ever could imagine the level of fitness I currently have, and it's gotten even greater in the past six months, because I'm really in an era where I'm really appreciating myself, I really love myself self, and I'm really taking care of myself, and I'm feeding myself food that nourishes me, and also giving myself space to enjoy flavors. I enjoy pastries. Basically, I feel like I'm in flow. I'm accepting the gifts of the universe. I see magic manifesting itself around me. 

Anthony Catalino  09:27

I love that. Now, this has taken some time, ladies and gentlemen, humans of all kind that are listed. This has not happened overnight. This has taken part some time to get to where he is today. Yeah, mid 40s, you know, but he's been more and more dedicated the last few years, and that has changed the trajectory of his life. So, you know, you have these opportunities too. 

Arturo Diaz  09:51

If. you want. We could take a break from talking about the tools and strategies to go into our personal stories, and I can share my personal story? 

Anthony Catalino  09:59

Yeah but first, before we do that, I want to give credit to what Art was just saying to the fellow. I don't recall his name, but he's got a podcast called The higher up podcast, and I highly recommend you check it out. He's got value even further tools for you to to listen to. Just a lot of value there. 

Arturo Diaz  10:16

So my personal story, and we'll get back to the tools and strategies. Put a pin in it. A couple years ago, I found myself unemployed, and then three weeks later, being broken up by somebody I was like, madly in love with my confidence. Took a massive hit, massive hit. I felt decimated. I had to find myself through my career, and I was so attached to that relationship that I felt like a total failure. So I felt depleted, and the way I was not showing up for myself, I can't even begin to describe it was my dark night of the soul I was depressed and lost my slow crawl out of that came because I realized that the magic I experience in life doesn't come from any job or any partner. It comes from within me. But it took, it took me a while to get there. It took me a while to remember that and to feel it, to believe it, and to literally be in a state now where I am so thankful for the path, I'm thankful for the dark times. I'm thankful for all of it because I know myself more. I trust myself in a way that I have never trusted myself. Thank you universe for all of it, the sour and the sweet. 

Anthony Catalino  11:35

Yeah, it's almost like walking around in the dark for some time is part of the process. Having a lack of confidence is part of the process, because you can't crave or desire something that you feel you don't have. Sorry, did I say that? Right? You gotta believe that it's already within you before you can experience it. But it's hard to you know, it's challenging to like be well, what does confidence feel like? We talked about this a lot with my clients. So how do you wish to feel? How does, how does confidence make you feel when you're up on that stage, or you're standing in front of an audience, or whatever you whatever you're working on, and the more you can practice revisiting those feelings, set the intention every single day today, my intention is to feel confident, and you will get opportunities. I know you're getting opportunities left and right because of the darkness that you wouldn't do for some time that was part of your path. 

Arturo Diaz  12:34

I'm so confident and so enough for myself in a way, that I feel like I'm attracting opportunities that it's I had it one interview this morning. I had to present. I killed it. I had a lovely conversation with his PR agency. I really liked them. And then on the way back, I got emailed by a recruiter asking if I could jump on the phone in an hour to talk about another job I had applied for. And that conversation went great. And the difference between now and where I was a couple years ago, I know exactly who I am, and I believe in my power. I see it. I'm entering these conversations with curiosity, with joy. I love what I do. I enjoy being who I am, and there's so much power and that people gravitate towards that energy. People want to be part of your life. Did you have a story? A personal story you want to share? 

Anthony Catalino  13:32

I do have a personal story, but I just want to touch upon something you said. I I think what's really beautiful, and I like to continue the conversation on some points, because think a lot of people can relate. I mean, think about all the jobs that you, you art had in the past, or any of you listening, where you got hired to give some of your soul, give some of your time, but you lacked the confidence. And so maybe you weren't as treated. Maybe you weren't treated as well, or respected as well. Maybe you could, didn't show up as powerfully as you would have liked to, because you lacked that part of yourself. And so what do you like again? You have to experience all of that disarray, or I didn't want to, I don't even want to say unfortunate, because I really think it's a beautiful part of our path to experience a life without only realize what really is important and what's going to take me from here to there, even though you already have everything you need, and I don't want to get into that that too deep, but you really have all the tools that you need. As Art said earlier, you're just here to remember. Yeah, so

Arturo Diaz  14:35

I think what you're trying to say, and I've often say this, is that hitting rock bottom is actually a huge gift, and because when you hit rock bottom, you're forced to confront the reality of your existence, you're fully stripped away of all the bullshit. And for me, that meant being stripped away from the careers, my identity, this boyfriend has, my identity. I mourned both those things, and I didn't want to change. I did not want to let go of those things, because I was like, that's who I am. And so I had to figure out who am I without those things, I just got chills thinking about that. I had no idea. I had no idea, Anthony, it took me losing those things for me to figure out who I was.

Anthony Catalino  15:21

God, that's so good, right on that nose. So that's only going to resonate with some of you that have experienced what art has gone through, and what I've gone through, but maybe you haven't, but there's something inside you that still is excited, maybe, maybe, maybe not excited. Maybe you're feeling a mix of emotions right now, but again, we're here to remind you that it's possible. So I know from my experience, I've done well at a lot of things, but I think that was the idea was to the better I could do, the more people I would please, the better worker I was. That was a good thing, and I think that's how a lot of us are raised. Work hard, you know, but, but it doesn't really you don't have to necessarily work hard to be a good person. And some of the people I know the most that work the most, they make the least. But I know, and so the reason I shared that is because I carried that belief within me for some time, that once I decided to start my own business, it took me a very long time to put the pieces together. Took me like a lot of pain, a lot of agony. I used to want to open my own restaurant. I got so close to opening it, raising almost all the money over time, and then I decided to give it up. That wasn't for me. And so I feel like every time I would do something grand like that, and then stop, I was lacking in confidence, but literally, I was growing every time, because from everything we experience, there's learning, there's evolution, there's new ahas, there's new wins and certain things to celebrate. So even once I started my coaching business, you know, I felt like I was really good at what I did, but there was also a belief within me that I wasn't that good. And it wasn't until I started working with a coach that they brought that to my attention through conversation, that I had a lack of belief in who I was, and the only way that I was going to get better is by continuing to show up. So so what did I do, instead of, instead of working with a lot of people back in the day, like working actually one on one with people, I jumped on social media, and I remember my apartment at the time was so dark, and so I bought all these lights as if I was some like lighting technician, you know, and on a show, and I hated it. And I would get in front of the camera, and I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I sounded, I hated everything about what I was doing, but there was still a burning desire to talk to people through a camera. It's just something I was interested in. So, long story short, I kept showing up, I kept on trying. I eventually discovered other ways to get natural light, and I kept recording myself. And then before you know it, people would start watching my Facebook Lives, and people would start commenting. And then more and more people started showing up. And the only way that I built my confidence was again, by keep on showing up, keep on leaning into discomfort. As as Art said earlier, we have self doubt. We have these common misconceptions that we can't and it will always try to get in your way, because the old programming from what you were raised to believe that you're less than, that you can't and that you're not special enough, whatever, whatever noise you heard that's going to become your reality because it's programmed in your subconscious, but you don't have to choose to believe it. You can continue to lean into that discomfort, lean into that so called fear that's made up in your head. And then now I get behind the camera, and I can talk for an hour, and it's crazy how fast the hour goes. So now I'm much more confident. But I have other areas of my life that I desire to become more confident, in the public speaking, space, space, the writing a book, so many things that I've tapped into. So I feel like I've set the I planted the seed. But that's the exciting part. Now I feel more confident, and now I believe in myself more. So now there's nothing stop me moving forward.

Arturo Diaz  19:34

That's beautiful. That's beautiful. It takes, yeah, it takes a while. I mean, that's a thing. Or you have to hit your neck, you have to grind away, you have to work at it and show up and let go of idea of having to be perfect in order to be worthy of your confidence. Like we think if you started your content creation journey expecting perfection, you wouldn't have posted one thing, yeah, you needed to, like, refine your voice, develop those skills, and it's all a process,

Anthony Catalino  20:03

and I'm still refining it.

Arturo Diaz  20:06

So back to these tools and strategies for building confidence. We talked about one inner dialogue, two micro actions. Number Three found is body language and physiology, simple posture checks or power poses, their shoulders back, open stance can boost your confidence. How you carry yourself physically affects your mindset. Do you agree?

Anthony Catalino  20:31

Oh, hands down. There's been research by some top schools. I don't remember which ones, Harvard or Yale. They've done extensive research. I learned this to Tony Robbins, so to him, posture two minutes, stand there, just two minutes, deep breaths and up, it will change the way your energy flows.

Arturo Diaz  20:50

Yeah, absolutely. And also it will change the way people perceive you, yeah, yeah, yep.

Anthony Catalino  20:58

I went into a I had to pay for a parking ticket, park a speeding ticket just last week, and at first I didn't want to go. I was like, I'll just send this in. This is wasted my time. I was like, No, this is this is going to help me increase my confidence in who I am, and step into a dark space. Because a lot of you know, courtrooms are this. It's kind of a dark, dark space, and I feel like I was a light in that room, I got treated differently by the judge, by the policeman, just from my presence and the way that I stood, because everyone else came in there being fearful. I was smiling.

Arturo Diaz  21:31

It's funny, I've seen that and politely went to lunch at a restaurant in Chelsea. We went to the Chelsea location of Jack's wife, Frida. And because you work in hospitality, you made it a point to introduce yourself to the host. And I think we were either putting our name down or had a reservation. But whatever rapport you had, she was so invested in us getting a table, even though it was a busy day, like there were 1000 people trying to get her attention, your 30 second conversation impacted her in a way that she was invested in our experience there, yeah, and it was because you were like, you walked up with her. Walked up to her with your shoulders back. You made eye contact. You said, Hello. You were like, energetically open, in a way that most people are closed. And it engaged her. I think she felt like she felt seen

Anthony Catalino  22:23

completely, and it changed her day. Yeah? Like so not as not only just building confidence, like, help you feel better in your own skin. Belief in yourself, it rubs off on other people. And how beautiful, yeah. So what's next? 

Arturo Diaz  22:40

Tool number four, celebrating wins. Keep a confidence journal for daily or weekly achievements. No matter how small each win reinforces that you can handle more than you think you think so. When you say small win, how small do you mean anything? I mean making my bed every day, my bed is beautiful, and now it's gorgeously made.

Anthony Catalino  23:01

They say that disease begins with the mouth. Mind you, we're not doctors or medical professionals, but I understand that disease begins with the mouth. So flossing and brushing your teeth, hell, yeah,

Arturo Diaz  23:12

that's a win. That's a win. We love that. We love that number five, accountability and community. Surround yourself with people who support growth and challenge limiting beliefs. Seek mentors or coaches for motivation feedback. Find yourself an Anthony Catalino because confidence is built through small victories and supportive environments. 

Anthony Catalino  23:31

Completely, completely. Don't believe that there's mentors out there. Or, you know, sometimes investing in yourself can can be costly. Who's to say that you have to start with 1000s of dollars of a mentor or a coach? I used to do free for all time. The only problem with free is a lot of people wouldn't show up because they if they're not paying for something, they're not really invested so but there are opportunities out there. There are people, if you open yourself up to it. You gotta desire the change. You gotta desire to build the confidence.

Arturo Diaz  24:04

 Yeah, you have the desire to build the confidence and to overcome some of the common pitfalls we all face in building confidence, the first being the comparison trap, measuring your behind the scenes against someone else's highlight reel, or just measuring how successful your life has been versus somebody else. Don't do that. You are on your own path. Another common pitfall is overthinking. Waiting for perfection before acting leads to paralysis. 

Speaker 1  24:33

Oh yeah, I used to over like, obsessively overthink, and we mentioned it a lot, but with the help of meditation, I barely overthink. My thoughts are quiet most of the time, and if they're loud, if they start to get loud, I know how to calm them down, not tell them to shut the hell up, because that's that's friction. That's not gonna it's not gonna work because I tried it. But yeah, overthinking for sure. 

Arturo Diaz  24:59

Another common  pitfall people experience is impatience, expecting instant results causes discouragement. Now I do truly believe that the universe, that life, is on your side, and that you will get what you desire, but you have to be patient, because the universe has a design, a divine plan in place. When best to deliver what you're asking. 

Anthony Catalino  25:24

They do say that it already exists. It's already here and now, if your belief that you can't, or your belief that it's not, or your belief that it's not possible, whatever that in itself is holding it back from coming to life, yeah, I used to teach about patients all the time. I did a weekly thing in New York City. I'm not sure if you ever came to it, but that was one of the things that I would talk about. Often, patients to think about it, yeah, patience, man, will change everything when you learn the art of it,

Arturo Diaz  25:52

yeah, art of it, the art of it, yeah, yeah. 

Anthony Catalino  25:57

But think about it. Everyone that's listening, yeah. Where do you feel least confident? Or rather, where would you love to feel more confidence in your life? What area in your relationship with yourself, at your job, in the bedroom, Hanky Panky like literally, and write down how you would love to feel within that space. Take some time think about it. I would love to feel more confident when I have sex. I would love to feel more confident having this podcast. I can't even believe we didn't bring that up. Yeah, we had to build a lot of confidence to finally start pressing play, to practice, to get somewhat good.

Arturo Diaz  26:39

32 episodes later. It's been a journey, but the early days were rough, and we were so scared. We were so scared, 

Anthony Catalino  26:46

but, but 32 episodes of recordings and how many other episodes before people even started hearing us? Absolutely, you see. So you gotta, you have to have the fun idea. First all, for you, it's been a great conversation.

Arturo Diaz  27:02

It's been a joy to talk about this with you. We have discussed confidence is inner trust. It's not anything external. It comes from within you. We've debunked some myths. We shared some personal stories, offered some practical tools. So I like to encourage our listeners to pick one new practice, like a daily win journal or a power pose the next week, and think about like, where in your life do you want to build confidence right now and why you..

Anthony Catalino  27:29

You  got the power you have us over here cheering you on, in case you ever forget to believe in yourself, because

Arturo Diaz  27:37

We care about you.

Anthony Catalino  27:39

That's why we're here! We aren't just doing this for our own good, because I already feel more confident. To be honest, after having this conversation,

Arturo Diaz  27:45

I do too. Really good, really good.

Anthony Catalino  27:49

Anyhow, thanks for listening to YASKING we're so happy you're here, and we look forward to speaking with you real soon.  

Arturo Diaz  27:53

Yeah, because confident isn't required perfection. It's just a willingness to believe in yourself, step by step,

Anthony Catalino  28:00

A willingness to believe in yourself, step by step,

Arturo Diaz  28:04

Until next time, later!