Repurpose Your Broken Identity: Finding Purpose and Healing with Life Coach Billy G

Summary
In this episode, Cecily interviews life coach Billy G about repurposing broken identities. Billy shares his personal story of pursuing the American dream and experiencing catastrophic loss, which shattered his foundations. Through faith and spiritual growth, he found a new identity built on God's truth. Billy emphasizes the importance of picking up one's head and allowing God to use pain to bring clarity and growth. He also discusses the concept of non-attachment and the lessons he learned from his own journey. In this conversation, Billy and Cecily discuss the process of detaching from pain and finding non-attachment. They explore the struggle of detaching oneself from life and the blessings that come with it. They emphasize the importance of reattaching one's identity to God and finding purpose in pain. They also discuss the journey of discovering one's unique purpose and stepping out in the aspects of identity that inspire us. The conversation concludes with a prayer for healing and a reminder to share the wisdom gained from the discussion.

Takeaways
Pain and brokenness can lead to a new and stronger identity when we allow God to rebuild us.

Our identities should be built on God's truth, not societal norms or worldly expectations.

By picking up our heads and trusting God, we can find clarity and purpose in our pain.

Living in non-attachment allows us to let go and trust in God's plan, even when things don't go as expected. Detaching oneself from pain can be a challenging process, but it allows for growth and healing.

Non-attachment to external things and finding trust in God's plan can lead to peace and fulfillment.

Identity theft occurs when we attach our identity to things that cannot support us, such as relationships or success.

Pain can be a catalyst for discovering our true purpose and identity.

Each person has a unique purpose and should follow what inspires them.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

04:21 Broken Identities and Repurposing

06:13 Billy's Story: Pursuing the American Dream

08:12 Catastrophic Loss and Brokenness

09:04 Finding Faith and Spiritual Growth

11:19 Encountering God and Finding Purpose

14:18 Repurposing Pain and Helping Others

19:44 Planting Seeds and Demonstrating Change

21:20 Different Measures of Faith

23:15 Living in Non-Attachment

25:00 Lessons and Tools: Attachment, Detachment, and Non-Attachment

26:24 Detaching from Pain

27:16 The Struggle of Detachment

28:13 Non-Attachment and Trust

29:08 The Illusion of Attachment

30:17 Reattaching to the Right Place

31:13 Identity Theft

32:11 Finding Purpose in Pain

33:00 The Journey of Discovering Identity

33:56 Unique Aspects of P

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Background
• 4:21 Broken Identities and Repurposing
• 6:13 Billy's Story: Pursuing the American Dream
• 8:12 Catastrophic Loss and Brokenness
• 9:04 Finding Faith and Spiritual Growth
• 11:19 Encountering God and Finding Purpose
• 14:18 Repurposing Pain and Helping Others
• 19:44 Planting Seeds and Demonstrating Change
• 21:20 Different Measures of Faith
• 23:15 Living in Non-Attachment
• 25:00 Lessons and Lessons and Tools: Attachment, Detachment, and Non-Attachment
• 26:24 Detaching from Pain
• 27:16 The Struggle of Detachment

Transcript

Cecily (00:01.711)

Hello everybody and welcome to the Higher Pursuit podcast. We're so glad that you are joining us today and I have a special treat for you. As I said last week, we are having a special treat of a wonderful life coach that I have had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with on a number of occasions. And his name is Billy G. I've been telling, his name is actually much longer and I'm gonna have him say.

Billy (00:29.838)

Thanks for watching!

Cecily (00:31.183)

his last name for you because it's like a lot of letters and I don't want to mess it up. My name is Cecily Lachapelle gets messed up all the time so I'm just not going to do that to Billy. I'm not going to butcher your name. But anyway, Billy G as he goes by and so he's going to be on the podcast today as our guest. And first let me just tell you a little bit about him.

I met Billy through my son, who is a workout partner with Billy at their gym, and they chat about all kinds of things. I don't know, diet, exercise, life coaching kind of stuff. And so when my book was about to come out, Gordon mentioned to Billy that he might be interested in my book, and he mentioned to me that I might be interested in chatting with Billy. And so Gordon was right on both accounts.

Billy and I have had amazing conversations. In fact, we could probably chat for hours and kind of have on a couple of occasions. So first let me tell you about Billy. He is an empowering professional speaker and life coach who helps people truly shift themselves from limitation to achievement. He utilizes many different life set and self-improvement practices to help individuals.

and overcome their barriers that they're having in their mental health, in their stress management, in their confidence, or in the belief systems that they are putting their whole life on. He's been trained by Tony Robbins and Tony Robbins' team, as well as spending seven years in the therapy field. Billy's experiences create a platform for life changes with his audiences and his clients.

So Billy, I want to thank you so much for joining the podcast today.

Billy (02:17.486)

Yeah, I'm ecstatic to be here. As you said, our conversations in the past have been phenomenal. We've recorded a few of them, but now this one we get to add to the whole the whole library. But I wish people got to hear our other conversations because we dive deep. And I hope this one goes very far with that.

Cecily (02:25.89)

Yeah.

Cecily (02:31.879)

Totally, I totally agree. I think it'll be great. So I have a nice breaker question for you and I haven't given you really any chance to think about it. So this is gonna be completely fresh and unpracticed. So if your life, if you wrote a song about your life, what would the title of the song be and what genre of music would it fall into?

Billy (02:57.242)

Not much time to think on it, but there are a few songs that resonate very much with me already. And if this was Billie maybe 10 years ago, I would tell you the Rocky theme song, I'm Gonna Fly Now would be the theme song for me. But currently in my life, probably since I really started coming to my own personal growth, spiritual growth, faith and everything, there's a song by Toby Mack out there called Speak Life. And that one...

When I first heard that, that was a song that hit me so closely. But the more I listened to it, the more it empowered me to speak, to want to help people speak into their lives, allow God to speak through me into their lives, or really inspire me when I step in front of an audience, to the point where my friends heard that song and then they'd look at me and go, Bill, that's your theme song. Because it's literally everything that I live by. And so if I could write a song, it would probably be Lined Up and Speak Life by Toby Mack.

Cecily (03:34.735)

Come on.

Cecily (03:43.968)

Oh my gosh!

Cecily (03:52.411)

That is awesome. I love that song. I totally love that song. And I love the message that it shares in case anybody hasn't heard the song. It's really talking about how we are called to speak life over other people. And how many times do we use our words to judge people, to tear people down. And that actually really ties into what our podcast is going to be about today. Because today we're talking about repurposing.

our broken identities. And for many of the listeners out there, as for Billy and I, which you're going to hear, our identities were broken by what other people said to us, spoke over us, the things that they envisioned for us, some best, you know, good, well-intentioned, but their words did not speak life over us.

And because of that and because of choices we made, our identities got broken. So I'm gonna actually let Billy share his story. So go ahead, Billy, share your story with us today, because it's a good one.

Billy (04:59.998)

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. So with identity, that resonated so much with me when reading your book. And I believe it's the first chapter of your book. Because with my story, people will resonate with this. It doesn't have to be a faithful person or anything like that, but I feel that where my life has come from connects very much to a lot of people's beginning steps, if that makes sense, with where they want their life to go or where God's trying to guide them.

Because with me, I pursued what I felt was what life was supposed to be. And you can call it the American dream, you can call it, you know, we're meant to raise, we go to high school, we go to college, you're meant to get the degree, you're meant to get the job, you find the girl, you get the wife, or husband, whatever it is, you get the house with the picket fence. Growing up, that's just imprinted onto us. It's a societal norm. Like any cartoon, any TV show, any sitcom is usually built around that foundation.

So unconsciously growing up, that becomes what you're pursuing. So with me, I'm pursuing this. And from my background, growing up, to tell people truthfully, I explain it as, I knew of God, but I didn't know God. And so I was raised in a Greek Orthodox church, however, they spoke Greek. My parents didn't teach me my brother Greek, so we're just walking in and looking at the ceiling and the pictures and trying to see what all this stuff is about.

Cecily (06:13.263)

Come on.

Billy (06:26.43)

not knowing a word that's going on. However, God knew me, and so when I'm pursuing the American dream, the foundations that we're told to build our life on, eventually things really came to a halt, I experienced, I'd say catastrophic loss in every single area of my life all at once. So.

to start explaining that aspect. You go to college, so I went to college, I got a psych degree, I finally got a job working in the psych field, I'm finally getting a chance to help people. I had a girl, I've been dating a girl for four years at the time. My family was very close knit, however, we were going through a scare in the sense of my grandmother was very late in the game with Alzheimer's. She was, basically, essentially speaking, she was on her deathbed. And...

Cecily (07:14.691)

Oh wow.

Cecily (07:18.681)

Wow.

Billy (07:19.538)

So Alzheimer's, I watched Alzheimer's from a very close proximity take apart my family. And so my grandmother, I look at her growing up as like she was the glue that held us all together. You know, she, to us she was all nice, obviously there's stories, you know, family have their own stories and whatnot, but she was incredible. And I really saw that life impact everyone.

So when Alzheimer's came to her, dementia started and you start to see it, but Alzheimer's really started to take her after I graduated college. She eventually passed and I watched it rip apart my family, where everyone's emotions started to come out. And I'm Greek, you know, if anyone here is listening and you're Greek, you probably know that the Greek culture, you kind of just say what you say and then you go about your way. And so I'm watching everyone go to each other's throats about like, you should have done this, you should have done that.

Cecily (07:55.735)

Wow.

Billy (08:12.87)

as if we could control when her time was going to come. And so I watched my family fall apart. That hit me in the heart. I had the girl I've been dating for four years. Probably maybe about a month after my grandmother passed away and going through this family stuff, I got a phone call and she dumped me over the phone after four years. And that...

Cecily (08:13.048)

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Cecily (08:19.524)

Mmm.

Cecily (08:32.197)

No.

Billy (08:33.994)

shattered me to pieces because that, you build it up on the foundations, your identity is built on what the world tells you. So you find a girl you think this is gonna be something, or you find a guy, if you're a girl listening right now, you find that person that you wanna spend your life with, or you think you will and you've been through trials together and whatnot, and then blink of an eye, it's gone. That broke me to pieces, but then you have the other cornerstone that your life is built on, of work, of trying to serve and be something in this world.

Cecily (08:36.152)

Wow.

Billy (09:04.106)

I was in the therapy field. They threw me to the, their way of seeing if you make it is hey, we're gonna throw you to the wolves and see if you come back. If you do, phenomenal, keep going. If not, see ya. So they threw me to the wolves in the sense of I had to walk into these, I was in the therapy field, mental health homes where DCF was ripping kids away from families, I watched parents not care about their kids, I watched kids treat their parents like garbage.

and I sat there and I just walked into this stress trying to hold all the pain I was experiencing inside. And so every day I was carrying this bag with me. So my foundations that were built on the world all crumbled. And so I was a broken man. I'll completely tell the truth, I was a broken man. And all of a sudden, I'm in the gym one day, as Cecily led on to, I'm a very big gym goer, I always have been in my life. And I'm in the squat rack, and I'm just banging out squats and.

Cecily (09:44.214)

Yeah.

Billy (09:57.926)

I had tears come down my eyes because I was sitting there at the time. All I could think about was how broken my life was. I had no idea where to go because what I built my identity on was gone. What do you do? You feel lost, you feel broken. You don't know where the next step is going to be. And then this is where really God started to step into my life. And he sent, you know, I don't get to talk to as much, but he's a great friend of mine. And he, my buddy MJ, I had never talked to this kid probably once in my life, knew of him in high school.

knew of him growing up, thought he was in a gang, didn't want anything to do with that. And so we joke about that now. But I'm in the squat rack, I'm just sitting there after my set, my head in my hands, and he just comes, hey, you all right, man? And I'm fine, man, all good. Because anytime someone asks you what's going on, very rarely do you actually say what's going on. And he goes, no, what's up? And I opened up, man, my life fell apart, girls gone, family's broken, Alzheimer's, all that, went through the whole spiel.

And he goes, oh man, it was just an ear, just an ear when I needed it. And he said, hey, I can't really say much to help you other than like, you know, a couple sparks here or there, but I'm going to this place on Saturday, you're more than welcome to come. And I was like, well, where are you going? He's, well, I'm going to church. I don't know if you're a church goer, but I'm going to, it's just a non-denominational and Christian church, it's on the table. And I looked at him, because what I knew of church was the Greek Orthodox Church, which is very, if I can compare, it's very Catholic aspect, where it's like strict, stern, to the point rules and everything.

Cecily (11:19.555)

Sure.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Billy (11:25.538)

I was like, dude, I've done the tracing in the past. I'm no, that's not for me. And he goes, all right, then, it's on the table. As the week went on, it was that nudge, that pull on your heart where you gotta go, because nothing else was working for me. And I called him, I was like, hey man, I'll go with you Saturday. He's like, all right, come on, man. I'll be there at this time, I'll see you there. So we go, and it was one of those...

Cecily (11:52.483)

Mm.

Billy (11:52.958)

What's the word? It's a spirit like a spiritual orchestrate event and I walked in there the song they're playing was Crowder come as you are Hit me in my soul. I already have them listening to this band go at it incredible band and I Had tears coming down because I felt it not just so much of what I was going to I felt it in my soul that I was Exactly where I was supposed to be So then the journey begins in that sense, you know where I'm learning

Cecily (12:02.835)

Love that song. Yeah.

Cecily (12:17.333)

Hmm.

Billy (12:22.398)

I'm growing in faith, seeing what faith is all about for one, because I didn't know. I just thought, oh, you believe in yourself. That's what faith, have faith in yourself and everything. I didn't know God. So I'm starting to learn about God, learn about Jesus, learn about what this walk is all about. But I'm noticing everything orchestrated because I had my foundations I built my life on that the world tells you need to be built on were shattered. So.

Cecily (12:27.919)

Thanks for watching.

Billy (12:48.994)

I could then be built on the rock of our foundation of what God tells us we're supposed to be built on. And when Jesus came in, when God came into my life and I was broken, it's not to say that people listening now he's gonna put everything back together. Because all the stuff that was gone is gone. I have, essentially speaking, I have the same family members but we're a new family. I don't have the girl, the girl's gone. And that's, I hope the best for her. As much as I was so broken and whatnot, I sent her love, I sent her peace, everything like that. I hope she's doing great.

But Billy is a different version of Billy. And it's like that cocoon got broken open and then all of a sudden now I'm seeing the world for what it is, I'm starting to grow in the spirit, I'm starting to grow in what we're meant to do in life and help people and grow. But then that's where I really started to find my voice. Because all I had left at the time of my foundations broken was the dream I had of helping people, of speaking to audiences, of truly bringing what I was meant to do.

And then I'm pursuing that and then all of a sudden falls in my lap how to get trained by Tony Robbins and do what he does on stage and help people in this great way. And I felt it in my soul again, you're supposed to do that. I heard God's voice for one of the very first times. I started pursuing it. And I'm starting to see myself not really built on what the world tells you your identity needs to be, but built on the path set before me.

that God set before me, my soul, my spirit meant to lean this way. And then with him guiding the way, I started to see strength start to build. My identity is now built not on what the world says, but on what God says. And I now have a rock to stand on, which is the scripture. He's meant to be the rock of our foundation. He's meant to be the rock we stand on. So when things come that could shake me as they did, you kind of just take it off the chin, and you keep going, knowing it's all coming together, all things work together.

Cecily (14:18.508)

Yeah.

Cecily (14:26.367)

Yes.

Billy (14:34.874)

It's just an incredible feeling. But that's my story in a nutshell. But to be broken on what I thought I was supposed to build my life on was the best thing to ever have for me. I'm so grateful for all that pain. I'm so grateful for all the ups, the downs, the long nights, the tears. Oh, my goodness. I am so happy I went through that. And I'm not saying it's done. Maybe all in God's hands. But if something happens down the line, I now have strength to stand on to get me through whatever is coming down the path.

Cecily (14:36.833)

Yeah.

Cecily (14:52.365)

Yeah.

Cecily (15:04.588)

Yes.

Billy (15:05.306)

I'm so happy I went through it. Oh my goodness, I'm so happy I went through it.

Cecily (15:09.159)

Right? Oh my gosh. So I think my listeners are now understanding why Billy and I can chat for hours because you're probably hearing echoes of all the things I always talk about. The fact that if we base our lives and if we position our lives and basically build our lives on anything other than the truth, the revealed truth of God's word and his spirit in our hearts.

It's sinking sand. I mean, Jesus clearly said that. If we build a house, two people can build the house, one on a rock and one on sinking sand, and the one who's built their house on the rock is gonna stand. The storms are gonna come to them both. And storms and letdowns are gonna come to all of us. And people in this world who have broken identities, their decisions are gonna impact ours. Just like Billy experienced with his family when, when

The hard time came of his grandmother's passing, the glue that was holding the family together. When that happened, everybody's brokenness rose to the surface and all these broken people are trying to communicate with each other and they're breaking each other even worse. And when Billy dislodged, like Billy, when you removed yourself from that and you came back into that family dynamic, knowing who you were in Christ, knowing

when you came back with your renewed, your new identity as a child of God, those people were still the same like you said, right?

Billy (16:45.57)

Yeah, the beauty of that is at the time of it, they were all the same, but that's when God shows you what he's doing through you, because I started to see them change because of what God was doing in me. So I could have deep conversations with them. Doesn't have to be about faith, it could be about anything in life, but I'm sitting there, that could only have happened if I went through what I went through with the perspective I had on life and family and everything like that. So I now have seen like,

Cecily (16:52.991)

Oh, that's awesome.

Cecily (16:59.358)

Mmm.

Cecily (17:09.556)

Yes. Yeah.

Billy (17:14.294)

my mom, my dad, I've seen them all grow in their own spiritual walk, their own faith and whatever they, you know, not to say we all go to church or anything like that, but they all have their way of connecting to God. And whether it's reading scripture, whatever it is, talking to friends, whatever it is on the sun. But I'm seeing that get sparked when I was sparked. And that's the beauty of it. Like he's going to use your life for those around you. He's gonna use your life for everyone that you come across, but it's allowing him to do so.

Cecily (17:35.049)

and

Cecily (17:42.003)

Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely. And that's one of the main reasons that we need to, as Christians and believers, need to repurpose our pain. Someone asked me the other day, they said, what was the motivation behind writing the book? Why did you write it? And I said, because I had been a captive.

so many times to the 10 pain points that I write about. And I had circled around those mountains so many times. And then when the Lord set me free and is continuing to set me free from those things, then I could finally live a life that wasn't all about me. I could now actually focus on other people.

I wasn't constantly thinking, am I good enough? Did I say the right thing? Did I do the right thing? Am I enough? Am I worthy? Whatever. It wasn't about me. It could now be about those people that God was sending me to, to speak life, to speak healing.

all of those things, but we can't do that as long as we're still captive and we're still prisoners. So Billy, I think your story totally exemplifies that, that when you got set free, you were able to say, all right, guys, this is the journey that God brought me on and I am not the same person. And then of course, they know you. So your life demonstrates the fact that you talk differently, you react differently. And

Billy (19:05.847)

Mm-hmm.

Cecily (19:13.019)

as time goes on, they were able to see the change in you and you were able to plant those seeds in their life. That's so amazing, I love that.

Billy (19:21.205)

Mm.

Yeah, no, it's incredible. We all go through hard times. We all go through tough times. Of course you're supposed to in life. It's a factor of life. However, when you start to pick your head up in those tough moments, meaning my head's no longer down, no longer taking in whatever, oh my goodness, my relationship ended and your head goes down. If your head goes down, if you're blinded or something, I'm just gonna focus on my goals and everything. I did that for so long and it...

Cecily (19:32.343)

Right.

Cecily (19:37.673)

Yeah.

Cecily (19:44.396)

Yeah, yeah.

Billy (19:52.322)

blocked out a lot of blessings God wanted to bring to my life. So I say to people right now, if you're listening and maybe my story resonates with you, maybe Cecily's story resonates with you, or maybe you're just going through it in yourself, pick your head up. Because often, very often, God will break us, to remake us for sure, but he'll break us so we can get a little bit more clear vision. We can gain clarity, but if your head's gonna stay down the pain, as Cecily just touched on,

Cecily (20:05.54)

Yeah.

Billy (20:21.594)

I went through, I put my head down a lot, I spent a lot of time with my head down, but then I started to pick it up to the point where God was like, all right, leave it up. You know? Keep your eyes open, because he's trying to do something, but it opened me up to be able to see the people that I could then speak to, to whether it's coaching clients, whether it's family, friends, whoever it is, but I started to notice opportunities that were blatantly set along my path to help someone else, but to also grow the spirit within me.

Cecily (20:33.227)

Yes.

Cecily (20:39.085)

Yes.

Billy (20:50.89)

and the more we act on it, it's like when you hear God's voice. A lot of people like second guess it, completely understandable. However, if you start to lean into it and you trust, that was God, I'm gonna follow what I just heard. It's like a muscle, it gets stronger. You hear it just a little bit more. To the point now, like sometimes I get to hear God's voice and I'm like, yeah, all right, let's go for it. It's no longer second guessing, it's just, cool. All right, let me go talk to that person. Let me go speak to this, whoever it is. But.

Cecily (20:51.116)

Yes.

Cecily (20:56.34)

Mm. Yeah.

Cecily (21:05.783)

That's it.

Yeah.

Billy (21:20.094)

with my family and being blessed with the role that I got to play, it taught me a lot of other spiritual traits as well there in the Bible. And the sense of, I get to see blatantly the scripture of we are all given a different measure of faith. And I've talked to pastors and whatnot, I've done spiritual gift tests to see what parts of your spirit are really elevated and what, and obviously we're meant to grow everything.

Cecily (21:37.667)

Mmm.

Billy (21:48.086)

But faith was like one of my number one gifts. And I'm like, huh. And then the scripture behind it is everyone's given a different measure of faith. So when I walk back to my family after like, you're lit up now, like the, you know, I think everyone after you know, after you come to Christ, after you come to God, you're, you have that Holy Spirit fire. And right, that dims at times, but it's like you, you're coming out the gate. Oh my goodness, what are, this is awesome, blah, blah. So you're trying to speak to everyone. You're trying to preach everyone, everything like this.

Cecily (21:51.407)

Awesome.

Cecily (21:55.831)

Hmm.

Cecily (21:59.528)

Yeah.

Cecily (22:03.406)

Yeah.

Totally.

Cecily (22:13.004)

Yeah.

Billy (22:16.866)

But then it becomes more settled and directed. And so when it became settled and directed, God started to show me like, hey, certain people have different measures of faith, meaning they can only hear certain parts of what you need to say to them. So I can speak, I'll speak to it directly. There's certain families and members of my life that are faithful, they're spiritual, they will, Christian, they'll go to church, they'll do the whole nine yards, everything like that. But they don't, the faith to believe

Cecily (22:20.438)

Mmm.

Cecily (22:30.031)

Mmm.

Billy (22:46.114)

that a blessing is coming. The faith to believe that what God says is going to happen, the faith to believe that a loved one is in fact in heaven, is very low. And so if I come at that through the ego or the eyes of just Billy, not necessarily the spirit, I'm sitting there like, come on, what do you mean? Like, come on, how could you not? There's so many signs, it's right there, how could you not? But because they have a different measure of faith compared to the measure, I was given the measure, you were given the measure, someone listening right now.

Cecily (22:55.635)

Yeah.

Cecily (23:08.761)

Yeah.

Billy (23:15.362)

God has allowed me to settle and know how to, or how he can speak through me to them at a much more softer, sensitive rate rather than just me of like, hey, let's go do this right now. And so when you lean into God's voice, lean into what he's shown you through your pain, through what you are meant to do for others around you, doesn't have to be a coach, you could just be a sister, you could be a brother, you could be a parent, you could be just a stranger on the street. Your light is meant to shine to those around you for a specific reason. Like the people around you are there for a reason.

Cecily (23:24.239)

Right.

Cecily (23:38.88)

Mmm.

Billy (23:45.462)

And when you start to step further into your spirit and your spiritual truth and what God has for you, then he can use you, but then you start to see that light grow, and that's the beauty of it. We're all on a spiritual journey, an individual spiritual journey we get to walk together to whatever God set to your destiny, for your calling, for your are you here. So with me, you get to see that growth in myself, but then I get to see others grow because of all I went through. And now when coaching clients come to me, doesn't have to be a spiritual client, could be anyone.

Cecily (23:45.536)

Yeah.

Billy (24:15.186)

I see the little fortes, God, like the little Easter eggs God leaves along the way, little seedsy plants. I'm like, this is awesome. You know, that joy comes across.

Cecily (24:19.747)

Hehe.

Cecily (24:24.777)

That must be so cool. So can you think of maybe some specific?

lessons that you learned or tools that you took away from that season where you say like God allowed the breaking so that he could remake you. But obviously you learned some things because you're now imparting them to other people, either your coaching clients or your family. So what are some lessons or tools that you kind of always come back to as your go tos?

Billy (25:00.302)

There's a couple that I use in coaching practices that God had to show me through pain. So I explain this on a fellow friend of ours podcast, but attachment, detachment, and non-attachment. And so for people right now, maybe you've heard of attachments, maybe you've heard of detachments, but what God really showed me is how to live in a state of non-attachment, meaning if it comes, I let it, if it goes, I let it.

So to connect this to my story, when I was going through my pain, and anyone listening right now, you probably went through the same exact thing. When you're going through your pain, your mind, your brain is set to how life was prior to that pain. So all of your mental connections, all the synapses in your brain, all what you believe, your belief systems, your doctrines, your thoughts, everything you stand on, are set to what life was like.

Cecily (25:44.544)

Yes. Yeah.

Billy (25:58.862)

prior to the initial pain happening. So for me to connect this, I struggled so much with letting go and trusting and having faith that my life was meant to work out, that it was going to be okay, as God tells us it's gonna be. Because my family that I believed in my identity, I believed my family's supposed to be great, all this kind of stuff, now that wasn't the case.

Now everyone's hurting, now everyone's in pain, now everyone's yelling at each other, anger, I'm seeing people fume. Well, that's not what I believed. And so then, you know, obviously go through the breakup and everything like that. Anyone going through a breakup, if you're the one that's been dumped, usually you're the one that's like trying to put the pieces of your life back together because you believe so strongly in this person that you were with.

Cecily (26:29.707)

Mm.

Cecily (26:45.485)

Yes.

Cecily (26:49.206)

Yeah.

Billy (26:50.298)

All of your mental belief systems, your synapses are connected to that person. So when those are severed, pain shoots through your body. Pain shoots through your heart. You actually feel that you were stabbed in the heart in some regards. So all of my attachments, meaning those beliefs, those connections, all got severed. So with me trying to put these pieces back together, like hey, fit, just fit, kept falling apart.

I kept having pain, so my identity that I was built on, these beliefs and doctrines were shattered. So I was so attached, so what God had to teach me is I then detached myself. Tell you right now, not the right choice. But we all detach ourselves from some aspect of life when we're going through pain. Because with pain, if I detach myself, meaning I'm taking my ball and I'm going home. So when I finally fell apart, alright, fine.

Cecily (27:28.527)

Yeah.

Billy (27:43.97)

Deal with it guys, I'm gonna be over here. I'm gonna be in my room, I'm gonna sit here, do my thing. I wasn't gonna help. Or when I got dumped, it took me a while, but I absolutely refused to go out with my friends. I refused to see people. I refused to go to, I don't know, hangout spots, whatever it might be. I detached myself from life, and a lot of people find safety in that. However, the struggle is, at least how God taught me, is when you detach yourself from life, you're actually detaching yourself from

Cecily (28:01.199)

Mmm.

Billy (28:13.718)

meaning the blessings God wants to bring to you. So that's like the blinders I said earlier. When your blinders are on, you're missing out on everything God has. So with me, I detached myself. I only hung out by myself, trying to figure out how to better myself, meaning my goal was all I had, and figured that I'm putting so much effort into it, and then God really stepped in, he kinda like, hey, slow down. You gotta see what life is about, you're missing out.

Cecily (28:14.895)

Come on. Yes.

Cecily (28:32.195)

Yeah.

Billy (28:40.902)

So it's not to say, oh, you have to go out and experience life and do what everyone else is doing, but you're meant to play a role. So when you detach yourself, I'm taking my ball and going home, yes, you put aside the pain, but you miss out on what the goodness and the love and the joy and the peace is all there for every single one of us. So that leads us to non-attachment. And I've been blessed to a point where I can live in non-attachment now and it's a training aspect, but.

It's, I wholeheartedly believe it's what God and Jesus were telling us about of to have trust and have faith that everything is working out. All things do work together for the good of those who love the Lord. And when you can live in a state of non-attachment, what you're saying is I'm living in a state of peace, a state of love, and a state of trust. So non-attachment means if it comes, I let it. If it goes, I let it. I am not attached.

Cecily (29:27.649)

Yeah.

Billy (29:34.53)

to all these things that I say, I need to have my life to be happy. If I have all, if I have the relationship, I have the family, I have the job, I have everything, then I can be happy. But then you get all those things and you're still not happy. And if one leaves, the world ends, right?

Cecily (29:43.745)

Right.

Cecily (29:48.907)

Right, right. Like, yeah, basically putting our building our identity on the things we were never supposed to build our identity on. Because those things are not supposed to support us. They can't support us. God created an identity for us before we were ever even born. And that is because He's our Creator. He's the only one who has the right to say,

Billy (29:57.142)

Mm-hmm.

Cecily (30:17.035)

This is what I created you to do. This is where you're going to find peace and satisfaction. And I love how you're talking about the fact that so clearly the, with actual terms of how we can pull our identity back out of those places where we've attached it incorrectly and through non-attachment to those things.

Billy (30:39.98)

Mm.

Cecily (30:44.035)

those externals, be they people or success or roles or whatever, and we reattach to the correct place. We put our identity in God and in who He says we are because of what Jesus has done for us. And because our identity is now reattached to the right place, then we can love people and we can love them in the right way without

having to need them for our identity and our sense of worth and value. We can appreciate blessings, but we don't need them to be validated. And I love how you're saying that, Billy, because that is such an important point of identity. It's not just the whole point of repurposing our identity into the identity that God created for us.

Billy (31:14.766)

Right? Exactly.

Billy (31:32.567)

Hmm.

Cecily (31:42.983)

but it's also the benefit. Because when our identity is attached to those things, something's gonna give, something's gonna blow up. It's just a matter of time. And that whole isolation piece you were talking about, I was just speaking with a young man the other day, and that's exactly what he's doing. He's been hurt, he has had his heart broken a couple times. He has also in his brokenness, probably broken somebody's heart.

Billy (31:45.955)

Mmm.

Billy (32:02.294)

Right.

Billy (32:11.775)

Mm-hmm. For sure.

Cecily (32:13.015)

And he has had situations where he thought that his life was gonna go a certain direction and that didn't work out. He put a lot of effort into a career decision, like years of trying to achieve this. He achieved it and then absolutely nothing is transpiring in his field. And so he's looking at his life thinking, I thought this relationship was gonna be forever and I don't have it anymore.

Billy (32:21.262)

Mm.

Billy (32:26.423)

Mm.

Billy (32:33.407)

Mm.

Cecily (32:40.819)

I thought this career was gonna be my answer and I don't really have it anymore. So he's gone into isolation to protect his heart. And that isolation is, how did you call it? The detachment. Yeah, and I can totally say, oh, my heart just breaks for him that he's in that place.

Billy (32:48.41)

Hmm.

Billy (32:54.952)

Detachment. Yeah. Right.

Billy (33:00.118)

Yep. For sure. Yeah. No, I'm glad you brought that example up because it truly is, every single person listening, every single person viewing this, every single person in the world goes through that at some point. And it's just a matter of, you have to experience it because there's so many great lessons. I said it on recent podcasts, pain is such a phenomenal thing when you have the right perspective on your pain. And...

Cecily (33:14.593)

Mm-hmm.

Cecily (33:19.989)

Yeah.

Cecily (33:26.809)

Right.

Billy (33:27.846)

I had to like add to that on the podcast. Like people aren't gonna like this, but pain is a great thing when you have the right perspective on it because it shifts you, it gives you clarity, it puts you, I can even bring up another example, which is much more related if people right now are churchgoers, much more related to a faith setting where I had to really understand where my attachments were in a church setting, in a faith setting, because an old church I used to go to I was actually baptized there after coming to God and everything like this, maybe.

Cecily (33:51.064)

Mmm.

Billy (33:56.622)

at this point seven, eight years ago, maybe whatever it was. And I became very attached to the church, but more so the people there, the community there, the love that was there. I was, and as all of us are told, the church is built on a sense of love. And it's phenomenal, I completely agree with it. However, when I was going there, I was just, me show up on, I would go on Saturdays, but show up on a Saturday or Sunday, and...

Cecily (34:10.967)

Hey

Yeah.

Billy (34:26.854)

You hear the message, you learn from it, you grow from it, and then see you guys next week. That's how I would go about my church, and learn, because I was there to learn, I was there to grow. Yes, friends, family, everyone there is phenomenal, but I want, I was ready to learn. And all of a sudden, I started to notice that in this setting, people started to talk bad about me behind my back.

in the faith setting, and yep, I knew this would, I want people to know this because it truly showed God working in my life. Because people started to talk very bad about me, and I was like, what, I show up on a Saturday, I have a blast, I talk with people, I leave, I learn, I try and do my best throughout the week with what God's directing me, how is that bad? And then actually, believe it or not, going into the baptism class, it was, I'm sitting there, I'm about to give my life to Jesus. To me, this is a phenomenal moment.

The leaders of the class gave me the most dirtiest looks while I was learning about baptism. I'm like, I didn't, I was like, you know what? Just, you're here, you're not here for them, you're here for God, do this. This is on your heart. This is a, it's like, and I looked at it as like a mission, like a checklist. Like, hey, this is the next step. You have to further the next step. So I pursued that. And then the more that tension was there of just showing up to church.

Cecily (35:24.856)

Wow.

Cecily (35:38.219)

Yeah.

Billy (35:45.874)

I started to realize, I got baptized. Truthfully, I never went back to that church after because I got baptized for God, for Jesus, and then God was like, hey, the door's open. I need to bring you somewhere else. So why I bring this example up with this isolation, detachment concept is because when pain comes to us, I was so attached to the people of the church, to the love that I thought we were supposed to be standing on, to what the messages were.

Cecily (36:03.134)

Mm-hmm.

Cecily (36:07.787)

Yes.

Yeah.

Billy (36:12.654)

However, God was building me up in such a way that he was trying to pull me to another part of my destiny, another part of where I specifically, my spirit is meant to go to help whoever it is, to grow in whatever sense. But I was so attached to the church I was at, so I wasn't leaving. So God essentially, I believe, had essentially turned these people, and he was like, if you're not gonna walk with me as I pull you, I'm going to push you.

Cecily (36:21.913)

Yes.

Cecily (36:26.508)

Yeah.

Billy (36:41.618)

and pain comes to us to push us to our destiny when we aren't moving. But if we move in step with our destiny, with our calling, God will pull us directly there and we are moving in step with the Holy Spirit. We're moving in step with God. We're growing to where we're meant to be and to who we're meant to be. But he will use everything at the disposal to get you to that goal. So when we're talking about isolation, we're talking about the pain we go through, know that there is a incredible lesson and purpose behind it. Again,

Cecily (36:45.824)

Yes.

Cecily (36:56.799)

Yes. Yeah.

Cecily (37:02.039)

Mm-hmm.

Billy (37:10.514)

if you have your head up. You can hear it, you can move it, yep.

Cecily (37:12.335)

Absolutely, absolutely. That is so good. So I want to just ask you guys as listeners have traumas losses or brokenness Made you wonder if you are in a class of people that God just can't bless Because I know that I felt that way at times when I threw my broken identity I would watch other people

Billy (37:30.359)

Mmm.

Cecily (37:40.419)

have a success that I wanted and it didn't come to me. And so that seemed to invalidate me as if, see, you're, Cecily, you're really not good enough. They're good enough to get that blessing or that promotion or succeed in that area, you're not. Or if I saw other people experiencing a joy or a peace that I wanted, I felt like the black sheep. Like, well, what's wrong with me? Why can't I?

Billy (38:04.13)

Hmm.

Cecily (38:08.071)

be loving like that or thoughtful like that. I'm there must be something wrong with me and God must have like sequestered me to a class of people that is sort of like the B team. And do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people? Calculating that the difference between their success and where you see yourself as the proof that you aren't good enough.

Billy (38:20.206)

Hmm.

Cecily (38:36.831)

or that you aren't loved, or that God doesn't really have a divine purpose for you, or an identity for you. Because if that's something that you're falling into, I want you to think about the things that Billy's been talking about, the things that we've been sharing on this podcast. I want you to take it to heart and say, am I functioning like Billy described he had been functioning before?

He allowed God to give him his new identity and start to show him what he was really created for? Or am I functioning from that place of knowing that I am accepted in the beloved, that I am a child of God, that I have been reborn, that God has an identity and a purpose for me? Am I starting to come alive?

Billy (39:12.386)

Thanks for watching!

Cecily (39:30.571)

Are the blinders being peeled off my eyes so that I can begin to see how all the things that I've always loved to do are a part of what God's called me to do? Which, where do you find yourself? Which fork in the road have you gone down? Because Billy and I want you to know that you can repurpose your broken identity into the identity that God has for you. But just like he described in his experience,

Billy (39:57.006)

Hmm.

Cecily (39:59.971)

there came that valley moment, there was that crucible, so to speak, when everything fell apart. And maybe you're in that place right now. I was in that place when I was 18 years old, and everything in my life was a disaster. I couldn't even, I could barely look myself in the mirror anymore, because I was so ashamed of the person that was there. I was a disappointment to myself.

And I found the Lord in that place of brokenness. And that was the beginning. I don't really think that there's an end point until we see the Lord one day. I think we're gonna always be on a journey of discovering more and more who God has really created us to be. And also maturing in our ability to really step out in that. Because like Billy said earlier, though that whole piece of

Becoming more confident that you're actually hearing God and then becoming more bold to step out on what you hear That's all the process. That's growth. It's it's a journey. There's there's no arrival point That you know that we get to and say oh, well, I've completely matured. I have no more changes to make I'm I know exactly who I am and that's all so anyway, if

Billy (41:03.243)

Mm.

Billy (41:14.367)

Hmm.

Billy (41:24.813)

Hmm.

Cecily (41:27.683)

Those are the way, if that's the way you felt, you're not alone and there is a recourse for identity theft. If you've struggled with those thoughts and I really believe that if that is you, you are hearing this podcast for a specific reason because this is your season. This is your season, this is your timing. What do you think about that, Billy?

Billy (41:47.31)

Hmm. I wanna add a point to that because like you said, when you start to hear God's voice and you boldly move on it, I'm hearing that like now. And he gives me signs with me specifically when my heart starts pounding. It's like, hey, you're supposed to say this. So I wanna add to everything Cecily just did for listeners and viewers right now. In the terms of repurpose your pain, realize your pain is meant to guide you to your purpose.

So, and when you're seeing there in a state of identity crisis or broken identity, you're trying to figure out how to put the pieces of your life back together. Know that when you're at that blank slate, that's when God comes in and helps you realize what's meant to be on the slate for sure. But you specifically, your spirit, your soul walk in this life trying to connect to God for sure, but really pursuing the purpose that has been placed on your heart to bring to this world.

Cecily (42:31.435)

Yes.

Billy (42:44.402)

I always tell everyone, when you don't know what your purpose is, find what inspires you. Because inspiration, inspire, the root term of that is in spirit. What inspires you might be very different than what inspires the person next to you. My inspirations might be different than Cecily's inspirations. Because we're two different souls following this journey we're on together as we individually walk it towards God. So if you're someone right now trying to repurpose your pain and find the purpose in your pain,

Cecily (43:00.021)

Yeah.

Billy (43:13.038)

Pick your head up as we said, take the blinders off for sure, but start to move in what lights your heart up, what lights your soul up, inspires you in spirit, meaning your spirit's coming alive. Those are the areas to then walk in that God's trying to direct you to because you then grow your light, which is the light he placed in you, which then can shine to others, could be a stranger, a homeless man, family member like me, friends, whoever it is. But

Cecily (43:18.723)

There you go.

Cecily (43:24.169)

Yes.

Billy (43:38.418)

you're following your purpose and then the picture gets a little bit clearer and a little bit clearer and God's guiding you. So I just wanted to add that, Sessley, because that was on my heart right there.

Cecily (43:42.979)

S.

Cecily (43:46.271)

Yeah. Mm. That is so, so perfect. I absolutely love that. It's so true that there are unique aspects of our God-ordained purpose that He wants to unveil to us. And when we start walking in, I mean, I use the expression all the time and I know I didn't invent it, but you know, what makes your baby jump?

What makes you just want to get out of bed in the morning? What are the things that feed you or nourish you? When I taught on identity in a certain place where I was speaking, I used this example. I said, in a church setting, let's just say, there is a toddler's class, the twos and threes, and they allow these preteen girls to come in and be sort of like teachers, helpers, and that's at least one of the things they do at our church. And so you've got

two 13 year old girls that go into the twos and threes class and they absolutely love serving in the twos and threes class. But one of them, her motivation for going into the twos and threes class is because she loves to watch children learning because she was able to explain something in a way that they got it. She was excited. She gets excited to watch them watch the light bulb come on, so to speak.

when she shares something or teaches something or shows them how to do something, maybe coloring or something, and they get it. She loves that. The other girl that comes into the class, she's a comforter and she loves to hold the little ones when their parents go or maybe they got hurt with a toy. She loves to wrap her arms around them and be the comforter. So you've got these two 13-year-old girls, they are doing the exact same thing. They're both going into the twos and threes class.

to volunteer their time, but they're going there for two totally different motivations. And that is part of their purpose. One of them might grow up to be a teacher. The other one might grow up to be a mom of a bunch of kids and she just loves nurturing, or she might grow up to be a nurse. I mean, you begin to see the seeds of purpose throughout your life. I'm sure Billy can attest to the fact that the thing he's doing now, he could see the seeds of that.

Billy (45:38.019)

Hmm.

Cecily (46:02.467)

from childhood. I know for me, I was able to trace some of the things that I'm called to do now, all the way back to my kindergarten days. Things I got in trouble for as a first grader, being a talker and making up great stories, being imaginative, being a leader. All of these things that I used to actually get called to the principal's office as a first grader are now things that God is using in me, sanctified as a grownup.

Billy (46:03.724)

Mm-hmm.

Billy (46:10.038)

Right.

Billy (46:32.159)

Right.

Cecily (46:32.359)

So it's really cool to step out in those unique aspects of our identity. There is an overarching identity that God calls us to as children of God. But then we're not a cookie cutter. We're not, you know, he doesn't use a cookie cutter on us. We each have a unique purpose. So I'm so glad that you brought that up, Billy. That is awesome. Well, listen, I'm going to close this out with some prayer and

Billy (46:46.79)

Hmm.

Billy (46:52.59)

Mm.

Perfect.

Billy (46:59.806)

Cool.

Cecily (47:01.159)

you know, because Billy, we could just keep talking. And I just want to, I just want to thank you so much for this great discussion, for, for your amazing insights, for sharing your story with us. And I know that the listeners have been incredibly blessed and impacted. And to which I would say, make sure to leave your comments below. So, so Billy and I can just see that you, what your takeaways were.

Billy (47:03.874)

Hahaha!

Cecily (47:29.659)

But I'm just going to close us with prayer and then wrap up this podcast. So I just want to thank you Lord so much for the work that you've done in Billy and me and the work that you're doing in the people that are listening to this podcast right now. I thank you Lord that you have given us the tools to be able to take the pain that this world brings and to repurpose it into firm faith.

Billy (47:35.016)

Awesome.

Cecily (47:56.679)

into our identity in you. That you allow, like Billy said, you allow things to come in and break us for the purpose of you remaking us into the person you desired for us to be from the very beginning. Those things that we put our identity into were not the right things. And if the pain hadn't come, we would have stayed that way. We would have continued to put our identity

like all of our eggs in the wrong basket. So we thank you, Lord, that you allowed all those eggs to get smashed and the basket too, so that we would repurpose the pain of a broken identity into finding you and asking you, Lord, who am I really? And hearing what you had to say through your word and through your spirit speaking to our hearts. So right now I just pray for every listener that is in that place of pain right now.

And I ask God that your healing balm would be poured out upon their lives, that they would hear you speak, that they would allow you to pull the blinders off their eyes if their head is down, that you would allow them to be the lifter of their head, to raise their eyes up to see not a God who is judging them, who's angry at them, who's disappointed in them, but to see a God who loves them. A loving gaze, a tender gaze.

a good shepherd who says, come here, it's going to be okay. I've got you and I've got your future too. So Lord, we thank you for all of this in Jesus' name. Amen, amen. All right guys, well, we are about to sign off, which means I got to do the do and remind you, if you got something out of today's podcast, I would love it if you would be a disseminator of that joy.

Be a distributor of the knowledge that you have taken. So you can either share it on your social media or share it around the dinner table with your family. Share it in your workplace, in your community. But don't just be like the Dead Sea and take in knowledge and insight and wisdom. You don't really own it till you give it away. So make sure you give that wisdom away to somebody quickly before you lose it. And also I want to encourage you

Billy (50:21.998)

I'm going to go ahead and close the video.

Cecily (50:24.599)

to join Billy and I for a live Q&A that we're gonna have in a few days. So you gotta make sure to be following my Instagram and my Facebook so you can know when Billy and I schedule that because you might have questions for him. There might be things that you wanna ask him about how he repurposed the pain of his broken identity or maybe you have a story that you wanna share and we'd love to hear that too. So make sure to join that live Q&A. And finally, if you haven't subscribed,

to the podcast already, I would ask that you would do that. And that you also follow Billy, because I think you probably are already super interested in following all the places where he is speaking and sharing information, YouTube and all that. So all of his social media stuff is gonna be in the description. Make sure to like, follow, subscribe to all his stuff because it's excellent. And lastly, you can subscribe to my newsletter on my website.

which is high And until then, I just pray that you are gonna walk in all the favor of God. And I will look forward to seeing you in the next podcast. Bye bye.

Billy (51:38.946)

See you guys.