Episode 12: Pain as a Mirror: Self Reflection

In this episode of 'Mind Your Body,' Dr. Zev Nevo explores the profound connection between mind and body in the context of chronic pain and trauma. Through a series of introspective questions such as 'Where are you?', 'Who are you?', and 'What are you?', Dr. Nevo guides listeners to reflect deeply on their pain and its broader implications. He emphasizes the importance of self-inventory, understanding personal values, and aligning one's life with these values for holistic well-being. Drawing on his extensive experience in physical and regenerative medicine, Dr. Nevo provides practical advice and insights into achieving optimal health by addressing the interconnectedness of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual domains. The episode concludes with a call to embrace one's authentic self and practice radical self-compassion as a vital part of healing.

00:00 Introduction to Mind Your Body

01:06 Exploring Pain as a Mirror

02:12 Self-Inventory Questions

03:17 Understanding Identity and Purpose

05:09 Finding Wisdom in Suffering

06:01 The Importance of Presence

06:58 Self-Care and Social Connection

10:49 Reverse Engineering the Self

15:11 Holistic Wellbeing

17:36 Self-Compassion Inventory

20:55 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

About Dr. Nevo
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LINKS:

• Body and Mind Pain Center
• Mind Body Rehabilitation
• Substack

Transcript

Hi there and welcome back to Mind Your Body. I'm Dr. Zev Nevo, your source for chronic pain and trauma-informed psychoeducation and the exploration of mind body rehabilitation. Today we're going to dive into a profound concept that I believe is absolutely fundamental to understanding ourselves, especially when navigating the complex terrain of pain.

It's about how pain can actually serve as a powerful mirror reflecting back to us, not just physical sensations, but deeper truths about who we are and how we're truly living. This episode is about embarking on a vital self-inventory using a series of profound questions as our guide. 

This brings us to some of the following questions that my personal pain journey has compelled me to ask myself, and I invite [00:02:00] you to consider them for yourself. "Where are you? Who are you? What are you? Why are you? When are you? and How are you?" Let's start with where, where are you? This isn't just about your physical location, but it's about your awareness of yourself in the present moment.

I want you to truly feel into this. Where is your attention directed? Is it tightly locked onto the pain, constantly analyzing every flicker and throb? Or can you even for a moment, expand your awareness around it, noticing the sensations without being consumed by them? Think about a time you are completely engrossed in an activity.

Perhaps reading a captivating story or listening to your favorite song and you lose track of time or you lose track of [00:03:00] minor discomforts. That is a glimpse of where your attention can go. How can you practice gently broadening your focus? When pain demands to be center stage, how do you widen that aperture of your awareness?

Who are you? This question delves into your identity, especially when faced with adversity or pain. How do you identify yourself? Are you defined primarily by your diagnosis or by your inherent worth? For instance, if someone were to ask you to describe yourself, do you immediately launch into your medical history or do you talk about your passions, your relationships, and your strengths?

Take a moment to consider what qualities you embody when you're not in pain or even despite the pain. Who is the resilient, compassionate, or [00:04:00] creative person within, distinct from the physical sensations and beyond just your body, beyond even the current experience of your physical self? What are you?

This question aims at meaning and purpose. What brings meaning to your life beyond the struggles and the constant focus on pain management? What are your core values, your deepest passions, your unique purpose? For someone living with chronic pain, it's easy for the pursuit of pain relief to become the sole meaning in life, eclipsing everything else.

But just like a river needs banks to define its flow. A life needs meaning beyond its challenges. What small acts of purpose, what tiny sparks of joy can you cultivate today that remind you of what truly matters to you? [00:05:00] It might be engaging with a hobby that you love, connecting with an old friend, or contributing to something bigger than yourself.

Why are you? This pushes us to find wisdom even in suffering, to ask why, even in the midst of pain and suffering, what are the lessons to be learned? How can you learn from the experience to build resilience, compassion, or a deeper understanding of yourself? I remember a patient who after years of chronic back pain, found a new passion for advocating for others with similar conditions.

Their why transformed from simply enduring pain to using their experience to pay it forward and help others. What hidden strengths or new perspectives might this difficult journey be revealing within you? It's not about being grateful for the pain. But it's about seeking the growth that can sometimes emerge from the [00:06:00] adversity itself.

When are you? This question brings us to time and to presence. Are you chronically living in the past? Do you replay old wounds and injuries or anxieties about what might have been? Are you constantly fixated on a future where pain might be absent, pushing away the reality of the present moment, or can you anchor yourself more firmly in the present time?

And then now in this moment acknowledging what is, even if it's uncomfortable, without getting lost in past regrets or future worries or anxieties. Think about how easy it is to catastrophize about tomorrow's possible pain that you might be missing the present moment entirely. How can you practice being fully present even with discomfort? 

How are you? [00:07:00] This question is about self-care and social connection. Do you or does anyone ever truly check in on you, your own needs, your own physical and emotional wellbeing? or are you so busy focusing on others, on what you have to get done, on your responsibilities, on appearing strong, that your own needs get pushed aside. This question also ties into the importance of validation and compassionate connection. Who in your life genuinely asks you how are you and actively and truly listens to the answer without any judgment or an immediate need to fix you?

And equally important, how often do you truly ask yourself this question: How am I? And then pause to listen to your own answer. And on the topic of connection, this experience has also vividly reminded me of the [00:08:00] incredible power of community, care, and compassion. These human connections, when they're there authentically help to release oxytocin and other natural painkillers in our bodies.

That sense of being seen. The sense of being understood and cared for truly helps to reduce pain and create a more regulated nervous system. We are able to co-regulate off of each other's energy, learning from those who are anchored, and in turn, we develop the capacity to self-regulate in the face of pain when we are alone by ourselves in solitude in our homes,

our beds, our cars, and our offices. These six questions are truly an invitation to perform a long overdue self-inventory. Pain in its insistence can be a demanding yet ultimately [00:09:00] revealing mirror. It forces us to pause to look deeply at how we are wired and how well we are actually honoring our personal ethos and values.

That is those guiding principles by which we feel most content and authentic. When we live in alignment with these values that's where true wellbeing resides. You see, for many of us, especially in our modern world, we tend to identify ourselves so strongly by our job or profession.

We are the doctor, the engineer, the teacher, the parent. But in fact, we are so much more complex, so much richer than any single label. We are not simply machines whose value is solely tied to our physical function or professional output. And here's why that's so crucial.

As human beings, we aren't given a [00:10:00] troubleshooting manual for ourselves. And frankly, with good reason. For while we all have similarly named organs and basic biological functions, the complexity of consciousness and free will within each and every one of us is unique to each individual. 

 As thinkers like Federico Faggin discuss, our consciousness is not simply a product of classical physics, a predetermined code that operates like a machine, rather it functions within a classical and quantum state hybrid.

our feelings are known only internally and privately to the individual, it cannot be duplicated or replicated because we as conscious beings possess free will and can always choose an unpredictable action. This means that to truly understand ourselves, to learn the language of how we are coded, we must engage in a process of reverse engineering [00:11:00] our own unique systems.

This is about optimizing your own human potential. We are ever changing collections of past experiences and influences both conscious and unconscious shaped by our unique genetic and epigenetic makeup. This intricate mosaic of self is what truly defines us. Your own body, by the way, is constantly giving you nonverbal cues, subtle hints about your internal state. Learning to read those signals is part of this reverse engineering skill. The meaning we give to our sensations, our experiences, our thoughts and our emotions, that's what ultimately gives us the context and the resolve to either victimize ourselves or the visceral drive to persevere.

This self-discovery process helps us to see the profound opportunity of choice [00:12:00] in an otherwise forced and seemingly insurmountable uncontrollable situation and perceived loss of autonomy. Dwelling on that sense of being a victim to circumstances removes our inherent capacity for free will.

The Free will to decide how to act and how to react. It's our free will to determine how we will apply meaning to any situation that we face. When we consistently choose not to apply this free will, we can develop what's called learned helplessness.

Think of the classic example of a baby elephant whose leg is tied to a chair with a thin rope. As a baby, it tries to pull away and fails, but due to that deeply ingrained memory of past failing attempts, even as a strong adult, it doesn't even try to pull away anymore when it could easily do so because it doesn't recognize its inherent power to pull away and that it's changed [00:13:00] as an adult.

We don't always have the foresight in a given moment to recognize our true strengths unless we actively engage in self-reflection of our actual and current state and strengths. This allows us to develop and bring forth the wisdom to recognize what were past weaknesses and what we are truly capable of doing in the present moment to overcome challenges, adversity, stress and pain. Practicing metacognition,

our ability to think about our thoughts, enables us to rise above the tendencies and the impulses that situations might push us or incline us to act. But ultimately, we can take the wheel and decide how we want to direct our life. 

Resilience comes from consciously choosing a different destination for our life experience of pain from one of victimhood to one of survivorship. When we live [00:14:00] inauthentically, it maintains a deep physical and non-physical tension, which slowly builds in the background like a quiet hum of dissonance if we don't honor this tension and try to dispel it,

 eventually our intelligent body will revolt. It may develop a manifestation of this chronic neglect, a physical symptom or persistent pain that demands our attention. It's comparable to a civilization that finally overthrows a toxic dictator when they can no longer take anymore.

The tension is built up until the system demands a change. Taking the time, especially when we are experiencing pain, to revisit our ethics, our values, our ethos, and our comprehension of what truly makes us content helps us to apply our personal authenticity and energy to all of our [00:15:00] life's domains. This deliberate alignment creates harmony in our lives.

And begins to restore health across all of our domains, not just our bodies. This holistic view of wellbeing, often championed by integrative health approaches and concepts like Dr. Lissa Rankin's Whole Health Cairn, reminds us that our physical body is but one vital component.

It's like building a cairn, a stack of stones where each stone represents a different domain of our health, and all are necessary for a stable balanced structure. These domains include physical health or our bodies, mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, relationships, work-life meaning and purpose, sexuality, creativity, financial health, environmental health,

and our intuition. Our physical health refers to our body, nutrition, sleep, and movement. [00:16:00] Mental health relates to our thoughts, our beliefs, and our ability to regulate our emotions. Emotional health refers to our feelings and ability to express and process emotions. Spiritual health

refers to our sense of purpose and meaning connecting to something larger than ourselves. Relationships and sexuality refers to our connections with others in different contexts. . Work-life purpose refers to our career, our sense of contribution, and our ability to engage in creativity. Creativity refers to our ability to express ourselves and innovate. These domains collectively r elate to our body and what we put into it, both physically and non physically. When one of these stones is out of alignment, it doesn't just affect that stone, but it affects the entire system. This underscores that true health is not about paying attention to one domain in our life more than the [00:17:00] other, but it's the interrelationship between all of these domains and how authentically we give of ourselves to each. Creating, ultimately, a sense of balance and authenticity across all of these domains helps us achieve and maintain health. When we embark on this journey of authenticity, we learn to accept uncertainty and discomfort, if it's in the name of being true to ourselves. We develop resilience and resolution in our decisions, as we remain focused on what is truly important to us, our authentic compass. We can also practice a self-compassion inventory, a powerful tool for building healthy boundaries for ourselves, based on the work of Dr. Gabor Mate. This inventory prompts us to ask questions such as, what am I not saying no to?

This could be in our work life, our personal life, or even within our own thoughts. [00:18:00] How does the inability to say no then impact my life? This question encourages us to look at the consequences across various domains Physically: are there body warning signs like insomnia or pain or fatigue that we're overlooking?

Dr. Mate says, these are our body's whispers before they become shouts. On the emotional plane. Do you experience sadness, alienation, anxiety? Or a dulled sense of humor? On the interpersonal plane. Does it lead to resentment of others, which can contaminate love and create emotional withdrawal?

 What do I miss out on in life by the inability to assert myself? This could be fun, joy, spontaneity, self-respect, or opportunities for adventure. What bodily signals have I been overlooking or symptoms that I have been ignoring that could be warning signs had I [00:19:00] paid conscious attention?

It's about taking a regular and mindful survey of your body and ask yourself, what's the hidden story behind my inability to say no? This delves into the justifications and our limiting core beliefs that we have about ourselves. What must I believe about myself to deny my own needs this way? I might say, well, if I say no, it's showing weakness and I have to be strong, or I must be good to deserve being loved, or, I'm not worthy unless I'm doing something that is useful to others. And we are often hypocrites in this regard. Applying a double standard to ourselves and would never treat a friend or someone we care about this way.

Ask ourselves, where did I learn these stories from? No one feels worthless from birth. We tend to absorb trauma and stress from our caregivers learning similar patterns. While not dwelling on the past, we should recognize the origins of many of our core [00:20:00] beliefs so we can consciously learn to let go.

Finally, where have I ignored or denied saying yes? What have I really wanted to do that I denied myself for perceived duty or fear? What desires have I ignored or joys that were denied because I felt undeserving or feared it being taken away from me? What belief has been keeping you from affirming creative impulses?

This self-compassion inventory helps us build healthy boundaries for ourselves because as Brene Brown and many insightful voices remind us, boundaries aren't about pushing people away. It's about creating a sacred space between us that allows me to love both myself and you at the same time. This radical self-acceptance and boundary setting are crucial steps towards healing and living authentically.

So as we conclude this episode, I want to leave you with a timeless truth [00:21:00] from the French philosopher of Voltaire. Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.

In essence, we can't always control the circumstances that life deals us, including the experience of pain. But opportunities like being in pain, enduring challenges or facing adversities can and often do, compel us to recognize the immense power we inherently possess. It's a chance to create a pause, a moment of deep introspection to illuminate our inherent capacity for applying meaning and purpose to our experiences.

These pivotal moments allow us to cultivate true and authentic self-compassion, deepening our self-love and developing profound wisdom and resilience in the process. [00:22:00] It's about playing the cards we're dealt with, with conscious and meaningful intent that we truly navigate towards a life of wellbeing.

Until next time, reflect on what you've learned. Celebrate newfound wisdom and protect the sacred mind-body connection as you take back your life. Thank you.