Episode 17: Roots of Resilience

Understanding Acceptance vs. Learned Helplessness in Pain Management

In this episode of 'Mind Your Body,' Dr. Zev Nevo explores the nuanced differences between acceptance and learned helplessness when dealing with pain and trauma. Using philosophical inquiries, a dystopian novel, and nature analogies, Dr. Nevo delves into how individuals process repeated adversity and trauma. He differentiates true acceptance, which fosters resilience and healing, from learned helplessness, which perpetuates a cycle of despair. He emphasizes the importance of community, introspection, and the mind-body connection in overcoming chronic pain and adversity, and offers practical advice for reframing pain and using past experiences to build resilience.

00:00 Introduction to Mind Your Body

01:13 Understanding Trauma and Its Impact

03:11 Exploring Acceptance vs. Learned Helplessness

03:38 The Memory Police: A Metaphor for Pain

12:21 Roots of Resilience: Lessons from Nature

23:18 Call to Introspection and Conclusion

This essential pre-roll message serves as a clear disclaimer, stating that the podcast provides pain and trauma-informed psychoeducation for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute medical advice. Listeners are reminded to always consult a qualified healthcare professional for specific medical conditions or symptoms.

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LINKS:

• Body and Mind Pain Center
• Mind Body Rehabilitation
• Substack

Transcript

Episode 17 | Roots of Resilience

 [00:00:59] Hey everyone, and welcome back to Mind Your Body. I'm Dr. Zev Nevo, your source for pain and trauma-informed psychoeducation and the exploration of mind body rehabilitation. What is the difference between experiencing hardships like adversity, stress or pain one time versus two times versus 40 or 50 times?

[00:01:26] Do our reactions and responses change? Well, the answer isn't that simple. You see two people experiencing a traumatic event can have vastly different responses and life outcomes, and there are a plethora of examples. There are countless experiences recounted of people who have survived the most horrific conditions, fathomable.

[00:01:54] Some have displayed indefatigable strength, conviction to push forward, [00:02:00] rebuild their lives, and even inspire the world for change while others understandably live out the remainder of their lives with resentment, anger, fear, or indifference. It's the classic, do we choose to be victims or survivors? By no means is this purely a conscious choice.

[00:02:24] The degree of injury goes far beyond what's visible to others on the outside.

[00:02:29] The impact of any traumatic event creates an indelible imprint or tattoo on the body and mind of the individual. In fact, this is precisely how trauma is now understood. It's not about the story that happened, but the complex shakeup that occurred and is often transfixed in the psyche, physiology and structure of the person.

[00:02:58] But I don't want to delve too [00:03:00] deeply into the topic of trauma today. What I wanna discuss is a somewhat philosophical but highly relevant question that I've been thinking about recently.

[00:03:11] When bad things happen to us in life, what is the difference between acceptance and learned helplessness? Isn't it true that accepting our situation just shows that we are weak and not trying to change our lives for the better? Let's talk about the dark reality of learned helplessness. I have recently finished reading a fascinating book called The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa.

[00:03:47] The basic premise of the book describes a dystopian island where different objects begin disappearing. This progresses to people's own parts of their body [00:04:00] disappearing. This creates a void in their brain where they no longer can recall when body parts started disappearing. People had to learn to adjust and accommodate to the changes that took place.

[00:04:18] Initially, people were awkward and stumbling, but eventually they learned to adapt and get by despite their impairments. When additional limbs started disappearing off of their bodies, people became less and less shocked or surprised, and they seem to adapt psychologically more quickly. Is this resilience or is this learned helplessness?

[00:04:50] The author writes, quote: "I had only to surrender to each new disappearance to find myself carried along [00:05:00] quite naturally to the place that I needed to be." But interestingly. The body parts didn't actually disappear. Rather, their awareness and perception of their limbs were no longer there, and instead a void filled the space where their awareness of their limbs once was 

[00:05:24] In the book, there's a character who somehow does not forget as things disappear from the awareness or memories of other people around him. He's hidden in a secret room, and becomes a supporting presence for the main character. As someone who shines light on the fact that there's still existence of her limbs, even though she cannot perceive them. He can recognize it on the other person even when she can't. [00:06:00] There's a scene in the book where the main character is in the secret room with the man who retains memories. "How can you hold something that has disappeared?" She asks. He answers, "I can hold you." But she responds, "What if I can't feel anything? I know you take good care of my body and carry memories of a time before, but that doesn't mean the things before come back. It's only a momentary flash. They're all illusions. My body will go on disappearing bit by bit. The disappearances will continue. I wonder what will be next and then what will be left or will there be nothing left at all. Every last bit of me will disappear." 

[00:06:54] The man asks her, "Aren't we here together right now in spite of [00:07:00] everything?" She answers, but the arm and leg you see aren't really mine. No matter how much you care for them, they're just shells of empty skin." " But I won't let you go," he says. She responds. "I don't wanna go. I want to stay with you, but that won't be possible. Your heart and mine are being pulled apart to such different distant places. Yours is overflowing with warmth and life, and sounds and smells, but mine is growing cold and hard at a terrifying pace. At some point it will break into a thousand pieces of shards of ice that will dissolve." He responds, "but you don't have to go. You just have to stay here. You'll be safe here. All the lost memories are [00:08:00] preserved." 

[00:08:01] "Me? Here?," She asks. "Why not?" "Because it's impossible. I know the end is coming. It may be a few days or weeks, but it will come, and I'm frightened, not because I'll disappear, because I'll have to leave you." " Don't be afraid," he offers. " I'll keep you safe in my secret room." In the book, the man who doesn't forget encourages the main character that reality is actually different than her perceived awareness.

[00:08:40] This is what the intuitive self can do to help somebody with learned helplessness and chronic pain discover and awaken to this truth. W ith learned helplessness, we can often feel that pain will always be progressive and will cause something else to go wrong or fail. [00:09:00] "Where will I have pain next?"

[00:09:03] Instead of acceptance and recognizing that what happened in the past or the pain we're currently experiencing doesn't guarantee or mean that we are going to continue to have pain or something new will start hurting us. When we live in learned helplessness, we feel that we are down a slippery slope that is currently destined to lead to disability, that we will always be in pain, and that ultimately our pain will be the end of us.

[00:09:36] Another chilling scene beautifully illustrates the paralysis of this state. The main character is locked in the top of a clock tower by a man who stole her voice and ability to type with a typewriter. She actually learns to express gratitude towards her oppressor as she grows accustomed to being in the room.

[00:09:59] [00:10:00] One day she gets a visitor who knocks on the door, yet she doesn't respond. She feels like she wouldn't improve even if she was able to escape. She wasn't sure if this person at the door was a friend or an enemy. She was confused and distrustful and reasoned that even if she opened the door and was let out of captivity, she would be frozen by her losses. "Hurry, now!", a voice in her head speaks. "If you aren't quick, she'll go away." So on one hand, she realized this might be her best chance to escape. Yet something held her back. "No, keep still. How can you explain this to her? Will she believe you? And how would you even tell her?

[00:10:54] It's not just words you lack. Every part of your body has been deformed to [00:11:00] fit this room. And even if she did help you, do you really believe you'd get back all the things you've lost?" This powerful scene illustrates several thought and behavior patterns of survival that are found in those who have experienced trauma, captivity or chronic adversity.

[00:11:20] Including a distrust of their own intuition, appeasement with the oppressor as a survival method, comfort in the chaos and learned helplessness that anything can or will improve despite it appearing as the best opportunity. In the end, she doesn't open the door. I n the next scene, the captor later admits that he knew about the visitor, but trusted the captive would not leave and stated, "you would not be capable of leaving. You've already been absorbed into this room." The [00:12:00] symbolism here is nothing short of profound.

[00:12:04] The fact is: acceptance can lead to a polar opposite outcome than learned helplessness. Not only does authentic acceptance not lead to helplessness, it forms something I call the roots of resilience.

[00:12:21] You see, we are like trees. O ur roots, which includes our history, our memories, our DNA, our traumas are not just a part of us. They are what give us nourishment and play a big role in how we present ourselves to the outer world. Badly damaged roots may not even be able to grow a trunk or a stem. We may have a trunk, but without branches, leaves, or fruit. We may not grow in the right direction. Plants rely on certain factors to thrive, such as sunlight, [00:13:00] water, humidity, and nutrients, and so do we. Our environment matters. We are not just in a pot growing in isolation. We are in the grounded earth, which allows us to connect to other root systems. This creates community and a symbiotic relationship where we live and help each other survive in harsh environments. In extreme temperature changes, many plants will conserve their energy by shedding leaves and flowers.

[00:13:32] And ones that remain may appear to wilt or dry out. An amateur may determine the plant is dead, but it's just going into energy conservation, like safety mode on a computer. If the plant has been around enough, it knows this seasonal change is temporary. And it will replenish itself once it is safe and received its nourishment and nurturing from the [00:14:00] environment such as more acceptable climate, nutrients from the soil and water. How many of us stay in our safe modes or wilted states after physical or moral injuries and forget to or are unwilling to re-adapt to changes in time or conditions. 

[00:14:23] Deciduous plants will always shed their leaves during certain seasons, and it becomes an accepted fact. We don't throw them out. But protect them from the harsh elements when applicable during challenging seasons, and allow them to thrive again and flourish during their preferred seasons. Generally speaking, plants do better living in the ground than in a pot. Being grounded allows them to connect to other root systems. This creates community and entrainment where they live symbiotically [00:15:00] and help each other survive in harsh environments. 

[00:15:03] We need to practice introspection and ask ourselves, are we living in a pot or on the Earth connected to others? It creates authentic connections where we live and help each other survive in difficult times. Trying to navigate the vicissitudes of life in isolation is unnatural and can create an atmosphere that needs constant attention and calibration to simulate a natural, more connected environment. It's usually not sustainable, long-term, nor conducive to thriving, especially in the face of stress, pain, or adversity.

[00:15:41] Furthermore, people who have chronic pain may develop flares from time to time, which may be inevitable. But just like we don't wear winter coats all year long in anticipation of an unexpected blizzard or have Mary Poppins syndrome carrying [00:16:00] every possible item in our purses or backpacks, we need to reasonably prepare for expected curve balls in life, but only respond to unexpected ones when and if they occur.

[00:16:13] This is the root of the difference between acceptance and learned helplessness, in my opinion. With learned helplessness, the individual uses memories of past hurts to predict that current ones will remain indefinitely. The belief that new insults will most certainly occur, and ultimately they're serving a life sentence of pain and suffering.

[00:16:40] This is the infamous and dismal abyss of despair, fatalism, helplessness, and hopelessness. It's the belief that nothing you do will ever make a difference. O n the other side of the spectrum, though, living in denial [00:17:00] or with an adamant and stubborn unwillingness to accept reality, can keep a person stuck in an activated fight, flight, or cry for help victim-based state.

[00:17:11] This can wreak havoc on their emotional and physical states. It's emotionally and physically draining. It is the untethered fuel that fans the flames of depression, anxiety strengthens the intensity of pain, and most often prolongs the chronicity of debility and suffering. The difficulty is, that while acceptance is crucial, in the context of pain sensitization, it can become a slippery slope, a weaponized justification to keep us stuck in the muck of fear and hopelessness about our situation.

[00:17:53] So what is the path of true acceptance? When we practice acceptance, we are [00:18:00] not weak. We are not without hope and optimism for a different future or outcome. We are not helpless. We do not attribute our present circumstances with the sealing of our life's fate. We do not buy in to the rhetoric of victimhood.

[00:18:19] We do not run, hide or distract ourselves from our problems, nor do we use every waking moment and daily action thinking about how to get rid of our pain. Our pain can come or go, or always be noticed as background noise, but we do not allow or enable pain to define us, decide our fate, our destinies, our goals or aspirations. We do not allow our pain to determine our future or our ability to still maintain moments of contentment, love, peace, [00:19:00] equanimity, and gratitude. We are still allowed to play laugh, explore, be creative, and experience wonder, solitude, and connection.

[00:19:16] This is the fundamental difference between acceptance and learned helplessness. In both cases, people appear to those with inferior emotional intelligence as just giving in or giving up. However, nothing can be further from the truth.

[00:19:33] As a matter of fact, in order to progress successfully through healing, we absolutely must accept the reality of the injuries we have sustained. This is a crucial step in motivational interviewing for readiness to change, and the reason that accepting there is a problem is such a vital tenet of addiction-based support groups .

[00:19:57] It's there for a [00:20:00] reason. Acceptance is not surrender. It is merely a recognition and a deep, intelligent knowing of what it is that is causing us pain. This is like turning the lights on in the house when you hear a strange noise. Until we identify the source, we can pretend it's nothing and hide under our blankets, or we can work to expose and identify the source. But we don't just burn our houses down or vacate our homes indefinitely, thinking that the worst case scenario has occurred or will definitely occur anyway.

[00:20:40] Similarly, we shouldn't throw our lives away or commit to believe hardwired beliefs within ourselves that we will always just be in pain and that our pain will just continue to worsen and ruin our lives. Or even if I get rid of this pain, something else will just hurt me again and again [00:21:00] and again. The truth is the past does not predict the future.

[00:21:05] We can't know the future, and that's the whole point. All we know is that over-relying on our past memories will tend to make us hypervigilant, bitter, and lonely, and guarantee us a life of suffering. Similarly, ignoring lessons from pain like continuing to touch a hot stove also signifies poor safety awareness.

[00:21:32] What we are actually striving for is a recalibration of our danger radar, and alarm systems. There is a middle ground that not only helps us minimize suffering around our pain and trauma experiences, but actually pays off exponentially by harnessing those same memories as legacies to use to foster resiliency, [00:22:00] increase tolerance of adversity and develop a more robust, precise, and accurate nervous system. We can avoid triggers of pain while learning to trust ourselves that past triggers will not definitely cause us pain in the future. It is a desensitization based on our acceptance of past legacy pain, while also bearing the wisdom that circumstances do change.

[00:22:32] Harking back to the plant analogy, we will always have our roots. In fact, removing the roots guarantees the demise of the flowers in the long term. The roots keep us anchored to our heritage, our ancestry, genetic makeup, our higher selves, our authentic intuition, but it also connects us to others as a resource, but it is under [00:23:00] the surface.

[00:23:01] All we have to do is dig to find them. Don't be fooled by damaged or scorched leaves, wilting flowers, or a snapped branch or two. You are so much more resilient than you believe. With that in mind, let's turn to your call to introspection. Here's your challenge: Number one: consider a moment you felt helpless or resigned to pain.

[00:23:31] Can you reframe that as an opportunity to practice acceptance and find a moment of peace?

[00:23:38] Number two: reflect on your roots. How can you use your past, even the painful parts as a legacy of wisdom to inform your present rather than as a prediction of a painful future?

[00:23:55] And number three: think about the plant [00:24:00] analogy. What steps can you take to protect your branches during a challenging season? A flare up of pain. Trusting that spring will eventually come.

[00:24:13] And as we conclude today's episode, let's summarize the key take-home points, because we've gone through a lot. This episode was a deep dive into the most profound choice we face when navigating pain.

[00:24:26] That is the choice between acceptance and learned helplessness.

[00:24:31] First, we explored the concept of learned helplessness as a dangerous fatalistic state where we use memories of past hurts to predict an indefinitely painful future. This mindset leads to a vicious cycle of despair, a kind of psychological paralysis where we no longer seek change.

[00:24:55] Second, we introduced the powerful counter concept [00:25:00] of true acceptance. This is not a passive surrender, but an active, intentional and intelligent recognition of our current reality. Acceptance allows us to progress through healing, to rebuild, and to find a middle ground where we can both avoid triggers and gently desensitize our nervous system.

[00:25:25] Finally, through the analogy of the roots of resilience, we learned that our past, our trauma, our history is a crucial part of our strength. Our roots anchor us, but we must consciously tend to them, protect our branches during difficult times and trust that we have the innate wisdom to flourish again. T rue resilience is found in this wisdom. Not in denying our past, but in harnessing it.

[00:25:59] Until next time, my advice to you is this. Protect the sacred mind-body connection, reflect on the lessons that you've learned, and please share your newfound wisdom with another person who needs to hear it. See you next time.