Episode 23: The Parts That Hurt

Episode 23: The Parts That Hurt - When Protection Becomes Pain

Episode Description

Ever feel like you're at war with yourself when dealing with chronic pain? One part of you wants to push through while another screams "stop!" In this episode, Dr. Zev Nevo explores Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how understanding the different "parts" of yourself can transform your pain experience. Learn why these internal conflicts keep your nervous system in threat mode—and what you can do about it.

00:00 Introduction to Chronic Pain and Internal Conflict

01:21 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)

01:39 Real-Life Examples of Internal Conflict

05:03 The Neuroscience Behind Pain and Internal Conflict

16:31 Practical Steps to Work with Your Parts

31:29 Common Questions and Answers

34:27 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

What You'll Learn

• Why you have conflicting voices about your pain (and why that's completely normal)
• How Internal Family Systems helps you understand your internal "family" of parts
• The neuroscience behind why internal conflict amplifies pain signals
• Four practical techniques to work with your parts starting today
• How accessing "Self" can shift your nervous system from threat to safety
• Real patient stories of transformation through parts work

Key Concepts Covered

Internal Family Systems (IFS)

• Protector parts: The voices trying to keep you safe
• Exiled parts: Emotional pain that needs to be seen and healed
• The Critic: The harsh voice that's actually trying to motivate you
• Self: The calm, compassionate center underneath all the parts

The Neuroscience Connection

• Fear avoidance model of chronic pain
• How threat detection amplifies pain (amygdala & anterior cingulate cortex)
• Polyvagal theory and nervous system states
• Heart rate variability and pain regulation
• The bio-psychosocial model of pain

Four Practices You Can Start Today

1. Parts Mapping - Notice and name which parts show up during pain
2. Get Curious - Interview your parts to understand their positive intentions
3. Thank & Reassure - Acknowledge parts for trying to help, then update them
4. Unblend - Create distance when a part takes over completely

Research Discussed

• Yoni Ashar's 2022 JAMA Psychiatry study on Pain Reprocessing Therapy
• Tracy et al. (2016) on heart rate variability and chronic pain
• Lumley et al. (2017) on Emotional Awareness and Expression Therapy
• Dr. Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory

This essential pre-roll message serves as a clear disclaimer, stating that the podcast provides pain and trauma-informed psychoeducation for informational and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute medical advice. Listeners are reminded to always consult a qualified healthcare professional for specific medical conditions or symptoms.

About Dr. Nevo
Read what patients are saying...

LINKS:

• Body and Mind Pain Center
• Mind Body Rehabilitation
• Substack

Transcript

Episode 23 | The Parts That Hurt - When Protection Becomes Pain

[00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to Mind Your Body. I'm Dr. Zev Nevo, and today we're diving into something that I think is going to shift how you understand what's happening inside of you when you're dealing with chronic pain. Let me ask you something. Have you ever noticed how part of you wants to push through the pain and get back to your normal life?

[00:00:21] Go to the gym, play with your kids, do all the things you used to do while at the exact same time, another part of you is absolutely screaming, stop, don't move. You're going to make it worse. Or maybe you've experienced this: part of you feels really angry at your body for betraying you while another part feels guilty for not trying hard enough to get better.

[00:00:48] And then, there's probably another part that's judging all the other parts saying you should be stronger, more positive, less afraid. If you're nodding your head right now, I want you to know something really [00:01:00] important. You're not broken, you're not going crazy, and you're definitely not alone. What you're experiencing is completely normal.

[00:01:09] And today we're going to talk about why these different parts of you exist, what they're trying to do, and how understanding them can actually change your pain experience. We're going to explore something called Internal Family Systems, or IFS, and how it connects to everything we know about pain neuroscience, and Pain Reprocessing Therapy.

[00:01:32] So stick with me because by the end of this episode, you should have a completely different relationship with those voices in your head. Let's start by painting a picture of what this actually looks like in real life, because many of us are living this way every single day. You wake up in the morning and before you even open your eyes, you feel it, that familiar ache in your back or your neck, or wherever your pain lives in your body. [00:02:00] And immediately, I mean, immediately there's this battle that starts inside you.

[00:02:06] One voice says, okay, you need to rest today. Don't push it. Remember what happened last time you overdid it? Another voice jumps in with, but you can't just stay in bed. You have things to do. People are counting on you. You're being lazy. And then maybe there's another voice that panics. What if this never gets better?

[00:02:28] What if I'm stuck like this forever? So you get up and you're trying to decide, do I go for that walk? Do I skip it? Do I do half? And the whole time it feels like you're at war with yourself. You wanna do things, but you're also terrified of making the pain worse. You want to trust your body. But honestly, your body feels like the enemy right now.

[00:02:55] And here's where it gets really messy. Let's say you decide to push through, you [00:03:00] go for that walk, or you help your friend move, or you play with your kids and maybe you're fine in the moment, but later that night or the next day, boom, pain flare, and now the voices get even louder. See? I told you not to do that.

[00:03:17] You never listen. You're so weak. Other people can handle this. You're letting everyone down. What's wrong with you? It's exhausting, right? It's like you're not just dealing with the pain itself, you're dealing with this constant internal argument about the pain. And the worst part: there's usually a part that judges all the other parts, the one that says, you should be more positive.

[00:03:42] You should be more grateful. You should just meditate it away or think better thoughts. That part makes everything worse because you're not just in pain. 

[00:03:52] You're also failing at being in pain the right way. I see this with my patients all the time. They come in and they're not just struggling with their [00:04:00] back pain or their neck pain or their headaches. They're struggling with the shame of having pain, the guilt of not being able to do what they used to do, the fear that they're broken beyond repair, the anger at their body for not cooperating.

[00:04:16] And underneath all of that, there's this deep confusion. Why am I fighting myself? Why can't I just get it together? And here's what I want you to hear. This is not a character flaw. This isn't weakness. This isn't you being dramatic or difficult. This is your nervous system doing exactly what it's designed to do, which is to protect you.

[00:04:39] The problem is, these protective parts are working overtime and they're actually keeping you stuck in pain. So if this sounds familiar, if you feel like you're at war with yourself, if you're exhausted from the internal battle, if you're confused about why you can't just get over it, I want you to get ready because what I'm about to [00:05:00] share with you is going to reframe everything.

[00:05:03] All right, so let's talk about what's actually happening here. There's this therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems, IFS for short that was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz back in the 1980s, and it gives us a completely different way to understand what's going on inside us when we're dealing with pain or really any kind of struggle.

[00:05:26] Instead of seeing yourself as one unified person who's either healthy or broken, IFS helps us see that we're all made up of different parts, kind of like an internal family and just like in a real family, sometimes these parts are in conflict with each other, especially when there's a crisis, and chronic pain?

[00:05:50] That's definitely a crisis.

[00:05:53] Now, here's the key insight that changes everything. I really want you to hear this. Every single [00:06:00] part of you, even the ones that seem destructive or painful, or like they're making your life harder, has a positive intention. They're all trying to protect you or help you in some way. They're just using strategies that made sense at one point, but aren't working anymore.

[00:06:20] Let me give you an example. Think about that part of you that creates fear around movement. The one that says, don't bend that way. Don't lift that. Stay home where it's safe. In IFS, we call this a protector part, and what's its positive intention? Well, it's trying to keep you from getting hurt. It's not trying to ruin your life, it's trying to save your life.

[00:06:46] Or think about the pusher part, the one that says, you should be able to do this. Just push through. That part isn't trying to hurt you either. It's positive intention is that it wants you to have the life [00:07:00] that you deserve. It's trying to help you not lose everything to pain. And that angry part, the one that's furious at your body?

[00:07:11] Its positive intention is actually to give you energy and boundaries. Anger says, this isn't fair and I deserve better. That anger is trying to protect your sense of self-worth. Now, there's another type of part that IFS talks about called exiled parts. These are the parts that might be holding emotional pain, trauma, or grief 

[00:07:35] that never got fully processed. When we are in physical pain, these exiled parts of us often get activated. The positive intention of these exiled parts, They're trying to be seen and healed. And then there's a critic, that harsh voice that says, you're not doing enough. Believe it or not, even the critic has a positive intention.[00:08:00] 

[00:08:00] It's trying to motivate you and keep you safe from judgment. So you've got all these parts, all with good intentions, but they're in conflict. The protector is fighting with the pusher. The critic is attacking the scared part. And this internal conflict, this is where things get really interesting from a neuroscience perspective.

[00:08:22] Because here's what we know from the research on chronic pain. When your brain perceives threat, it amplifies pain signals. A study By Yoni Ashar and colleagues published in JAMA Psychiatry in 2022 showed that Pain Reprocessing Therapy led to significant reductions in chronic back pain by reducing the threat value of pain.

[00:08:45] So when these parts are in conflict, when the pusher's fighting with the protector, when the critic is attacking the scared part, your nervous system stays in threat mode. And when your nervous system is in threat mode, pain gets [00:09:00] turned up. It's not just psychological, it's neurological.

[00:09:04] The internal war is literally keeping your pain amplified. Think about it this way. Your brain is constantly asking, am I safe? And when you have parts that are panicking, angry, and terrified, your brain's answer is a resounding, No! We are definitely not safe. And when you're not safe, pain is the alarm system that keeps you protected.

[00:09:29] This is where IFS and Pain Reprocessing Therapy come together beautifully. IFS helps us understand why the alarm keeps going off, because you have protector parts that are convinced you're in danger, and they're pulling that alarm to keep you safe. They don't know that the danger has passed. They're still operating from an old playbook.

[00:09:53] So instead of trying to silence these parts or push them away, which just makes them louder and more desperate, [00:10:00] IFS teaches us to befriend them, t o get curious about them, to thank them for trying to help, and then gently show them there might be a better way. And this is where the concept of Self, capital S, comes in.

[00:10:18] In IFS, underneath all these parts is what we call Self. This is the calm, compassionate, curious part of you that can witness all the other parts without judgment. When you're in Self, you can say, oh, there's my fear part freaking out, instead of, I am afraid. That distance, that ability to observe rather than be consumed and identify changes everything. When you can access Self,

[00:10:52] you can start to have a different relationship with your parts. And when your parts feel seen and heard and [00:11:00] appreciated, guess what? They start to relax. And when your parts relax, your nervous system relaxes. And when your nervous system relaxes, the threat signal goes down. And when the threat signal goes down, pain often follows.

[00:11:16] This isn't about positive thinking or pretending that everything's fine. This is more about understanding the wisdom in your system. Even the parts that seem like they're making things worse, they're all trying to help. They just need a little updating. Okay, so let's dig into the neuroscience here a bit more because I want you to understand why this isn't just feel-good psychology.

[00:11:41] This is grounded in how your brain and nervous system actually work. First, let's talk about the fear avoidance model of chronic pain. This model shows us that fear of pain and fear of movement can actually be more disabling than the pain itself. When you're afraid, movement will [00:12:00] cause harm, you avoid movement.

[00:12:03] When you avoid movement, you become deconditioned. When you become deconditioned, movement becomes harder and more painful. And that reinforces the fear. It's a vicious cycle. But here is what's fascinating, that fear isn't irrational. That fear is a part of you trying to protect you. In IFS terms, it's a protector part doing its job.

[00:12:28] The problem is it's doing its job too well. It's like a security guard who won't let anyone into the building. Even the people who work there. Research using functional MRI has shown that in people with chronic pain, there are changes in brain regions involved in threat detection, particularly the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex.

[00:12:49] Chronic pain is associated with the brain being in a state of heightened emotional learning and threat monitoring. What does this mean in plain English? Your brain has learned [00:13:00] that pain equals danger, and it's on high alert. It's constantly scanning for threats, and when you have internal conflict, when your parts are fighting, that registers as threat.

[00:13:12] Your brain doesn't distinguish between external danger and internal chaos. Threat is threat. Now let's talk about the polyvagal theory developed by Dr. Stephen Porges. This theory helps us understand how our autonomic nervous system responds to safety and threat. When your parts are in conflict, you're often bouncing between sympathetic activation, which feels like anxiety, panic, and anger, and dorsal shutdown, which feels like depression and hopelessness.

[00:13:44] You're rarely in that ventral vagal state of safety, and when you're not in a state of safety, your pain system stays activated. A study by Tracy and colleagues in 2016 explored the connection between heart rate [00:14:00] variability, which is a measure of nervous system regulation and chronic pain. They found that lower heart rate variability was associated with chronic pain.

[00:14:10] In other words, when your nervous system can't regulate well, when it's stuck in threat mode, pain persists. So when we use IFS to help your parts feel safe. When we acknowledge them, thank them and help them relax, we're literally shifting your nervous system state. We're moving from threat to safety. And that shift has real measurable effects on pain.

[00:14:34] There's also fascinating research on emotional awareness and chronic pain. A study by Lumley and colleagues in 2017 showed that Emotional Awareness and Expression Therapy led to significant reductions in chronic pain. The idea is that when emotions are suppressed or avoided, they can manifest as physical symptoms.

[00:14:56] In IFS terms, those suppressed emotions are [00:15:00] held by exiled parts. When we give those exiled parts space to be felt and expressed, the physical symptoms often improve. This isn't about blaming yourself for your pain. The bio-psychosocial model of pain tells us that pain is a complex experience, which involves sensory, emotional, cognitive, and social factors.

[00:15:24] So your parts, your fear, your anger, your grief, your shame. These are all part of the bio-psychosocial picture. A landmark study by Ashar and colleagues, showed that Pain Reprocessing Therapy, which involves helping people reinterpret the meaning and threat value of their pain, led to significant reductions in chronic back pain with 66% of participants being pain-free or nearly pain-free at the end of treatment.

[00:15:53] What does this tell us? It tells us that when we change how the brain interprets pain, when [00:16:00] we shift from: this is dangerous to: this is safe, pain can change. And IFS is one powerful way to make that shift because it helps us address the parts of us that are holding onto the danger narrative. So the science is clear.

[00:16:19] Your internal experience matters. Your parts matter. And when you can bring curiosity and compassion to these parts, you're not just doing therapy. You're literally changing your neurobiology. All right, so now let's get practical. How do you actually use this? 

[00:16:35] What can you do today, this week to start working with your parts and shifting your relationship with pain?

[00:16:43] I am going to give you four practices that you can start using right away. These aren't complicated, but they do require some patience and consistency. Think of this as a new skill you're learning. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with [00:17:00] practice. 

[00:17:00] The first practice is called Parts Mapping. The first step is simply to start noticing your parts. This is about building awareness. When you're in pain or when you're having a pain flare, or when you're making a decision about whether to do an activity, pause for a moment and ask yourself, what part of me is showing up right now?

[00:17:24] Is it this scared part, the one that's worried about making things worse? Is it the angry part? Is it the pusher? Is it the critic?

[00:17:35] Just naming it creates distance. You're not the part, you're the one noticing the part. And that's huge. That's you accessing Self.

[00:17:46] As an example, a patient I had with chronic neck pain started this Parts Mapping practice. She realized there were three distinct parts showing up when she woke up. The scared part: What if today is a bad pain day? [00:18:00] The pusher part: You have to get up and be productive.

[00:18:03] And the critic: You're so weak. Just by saying, oh, there's my scared part, there's my pusher, there's my critic, she started to feel less overwhelmed. She was observing them. And that observation point? That's Self. This practice is simple. Throughout your day, especially when you're in pain or making decisions about pain, pause and ask: 

[00:18:26] What part or parts are here with me now? You can even keep a journal.

[00:18:32] Now once you've identified a part, the next step is to get curious about it. This is where the real magic happens. Instead of judging the part or trying to make it go away, you're going to interview it, you're going to ask it questions. Here are some questions you can ask: What are you afraid will happen if you don't protect me?

[00:18:53] What are you trying to help me with? How old do you feel? This last one's [00:19:00] really interesting because often these parts are young. They're operating from a time when you were more vulnerable. And, what do you need from me? This curiosity is you accessing Self, that calm, compassionate center. Again, you're not trying to fix the parts or change them, you're just trying to understand them.

[00:19:22] Another patient of mine had a really strong pusher part that drove him to work through chronic low back pain. When we started getting curious about this pusher part, the patient asked it, what are you afraid will happen if I rest? And the part said, if you rest, people will think you're lazy.

[00:19:39] You'll lose your job, you'll lose your identity, and you'll become worthless. No wonder this part was pushing so hard. It wasn't trying to hurt him. It was trying to save him from what it perceived as a terrible fate. Once the patient understood this, he can talk to that part differently. He could say, thanks for trying to protect me.

[00:19:59] I know you're [00:20:00] scared, but I want you to know that resting doesn't make me worthless. I've got this. And here's what's fascinating. When he started having this dialogue with his pusher part, it started to relax. It didn't disappear, parts don't disappear, but it becomes less intense. It didn't have to scream as loud because it felt heard.

[00:20:20] So your practice here is to pick one part, maybe the one that's the most active or the most distressing, and get curious about it. Ask it questions. Listen for the answers. Now, this next practice might feel weird at first, but stick with me because it's incredibly powerful. Once you understand what a part is trying to do, thank it.

[00:20:44] Seriously. Out loud if you can. Or in your head if you're in public. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for trying to help me not lose everything. Why does this work? Because these parts have been working overtime, [00:21:00] often for years, trying to protect you, and they've probably never been acknowledged for it.

[00:21:05] When you thank them, something shifts. They feel seen, they feel appreciated, and when they feel appreciated, they can start to relax. After you thank the part, you can also reassure it. This is where you as Self let the part know you've got this. That there are new ways to stay safe that don't require the old strategies.

[00:21:30] For example, to the scared part, thank you for trying to keep me safe. I know you're afraid of pain, but I want you to know that I'm learning new ways to be safe. I've got this and you can relax a little bit. Or to the critic, thank you for trying to motivate me. I know you think being hard on me will help, but I want you to know that I can grow and heal through compassion, not criticism.

[00:21:55] You can step back. I've got this. This isn't about [00:22:00] getting rid of parts, it's about updating them. It's about showing them that there's a new sheriff in town and that sheriff is Self, the calm, compassionate, capable part of you. When another patient started thanking and reassuring her relentless critic part that was linked to her migraines, she said, I'm actually stronger when I'm kind to myself.

[00:22:22] You can relax. I've got this. The critic softened and her nervous system relaxed, and her migraines became less frequent and less intense.

[00:22:31] So your practice here is to think and reassure your parts. Pick one part. Thank it for its positive intention, and then reassure it that you as Self have new ways of handling things. Now, this last practice is for those moments when a part completely takes over. 

[00:22:49] When you don't just have fear, you become fear. You are fear. In IFS, we call this blending. The part and Self have merged, and you've lost that [00:23:00] observer perspective. Blending is totally normal, especially when pain is intense or you're triggered. But when you're blended, you can't access the wisdom of Self.

[00:23:11] So how do you unblend? Here's a simple practice. First, take a breath. Literally a slow, deep breath. What this does is it activates your parasympathetic nervous system and creates a tiny bit of space. Second, notice that you're blended. Say to yourself, I notice I'm feeling really scared right now instead of, I am scared. That language shift from I am to I notice creates a distance. Third, ask the part to step back just a little bit so you can see it more clearly. You can literally visualize this. Fourth, feel yourself as the one observing. [00:24:00] Feel that calm, curious, compassionate presence that's watching the part. That's Self. That's you.

[00:24:09] Let's use a concrete example. Say you're having a pain flare, your back is screaming, and immediately you feel panic. You're now blended with the scared part. You pause, you take a breath. You say to yourself, I notice I'm feeling really scared right now. There's a part of me that's panicking. Then you ask this scared part.

[00:24:34] Can you step back just a little bit so I can see you more clearly? From that place of Self, you can respond differently. You can say to the scared part, I hear you. I know you're afraid, but let's take a breath together. This is just a pain flare. It doesn't mean damage. We're safe. When you can unblend and respond from Self, your nervous system starts to calm [00:25:00] down, the panic subsides, and often the pain intensity decreases too.

[00:25:06] You're not adding the fuel of fear to the fire of pain. This takes practice. You're not going to be perfect at it, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. Alright, so let's put all four of these practices together and see what this looks like when you're actually dealing with pain in real time.

[00:25:25] Let's say you wake up tomorrow and you have a pain flare. Your neck is tight or your back is aching, or your head is pounding. Here's how you might work with your parts. First, you notice what parts are showing up. Do a quick parts mapping. Okay, there's my scared part that's panicking. There's my critic. There's my angry part.

[00:25:45] Second, get curious. You pick one part. Let's say the scared part and you ask it. What are you afraid of? Answer, I'm afraid this means you're broken. Third, you thank and reassure. [00:26:00] Thank you for trying to protect me. I know you're scared, but I want you to know that a pain flare doesn't mean I'm broken. This is just my nervous system being sensitive right now, but I've got this. Fourth, if you notice you're blended. If you're consumed by the fear, you unblend. You take a breath, you create distance, you access Self, and from that place of Self, you can make decisions about how to respond to the pain. Maybe you do some gentle movement. Maybe you actually stop and rest instead of pushing through. Whatever you decide, you're deciding from a place of wisdom and compassion and not from a place of fear or panic or criticism. And here's what I've seen over and over again with my patients. When they can do this, when they can work with their parts instead of fighting them, pain changes.

[00:26:54] It becomes more manageable. It becomes less scary. [00:27:00] It becomes less consuming. Because you're not just dealing with the pain anymore. You're dealing with the pain from a place of Self, 

[00:27:08] and Self has resources that the other parts don't have. Self can be calm when the parts are panicking. Self can be compassionate when the parts are critical.

[00:27:20] Self can be curious when the parts are certain. And that makes all the difference. Before we wrap up, I want to give you some very specific action steps you can take this week. Please don't try to do everything at once. Pick one or two that resonate with you and start there.

[00:27:38] First action step: Every morning this week, before you even get out of bed, take two minutes to do a parts check-in. Ask yourself what parts are here right now? Just name them. This builds your awareness muscle. Second action step: The next time you have a pain flare, use this four-step [00:28:00] protocol. One, pause and breathe.

[00:28:03] Two, notice what parts are activated. Three, get curious about one part. Four, thank and reassure. Write this protocol down. Having it written down helps in the moment of a flare. Third action step: At the end of each day this week, take five minutes to appreciate your parts. 

[00:28:28] When you appreciate them, they start to trust you. Fourth action step: If you're someone who likes to write, start a parts journal. Each day, write about the parts that showed up, what they said, what they were trying to protect you from, and how you responded. And fifth action step: Once a day, take a few minutes to intentionally access Self.

[00:28:53] Sit quietly, take some deep breaths and ask yourself, what does Self [00:29:00] feel like? For most people, self feels calm, curious, compassionate, connected, confident, courageous, clear and creative. Those are the eight Cs of Self in IFS. P ractice accessing that state.

[00:29:21] Let me give you a few analogies that might help this concept really land, because I know this is a different way of thinking about yourself for many of you. Think of yourself as an orchestra. You've got all these different instruments, the strings, the brass, the percussion. Your parts are like those instruments.

[00:29:41] The scared part is like the strings: sensitive. The pusher part is like the drums: driving. The critic is like the brass: loud and commanding. And Self? Self is the conductor. Self doesn't play an instrument. Self stands in the middle and helps [00:30:00] all the instruments play together.

[00:30:02] When you're blended with a part, it's like one instrument has taken over the whole orchestra. B ut when you can access Self, w hen you can be the conductor, you can bring all the instruments back into harmony. Here's another way to think about it: Imagine you're having a family meeting and everyone's talking at once.

[00:30:25] It's chaos. Now imagine you as the parent stand up and say, okay, everyone, I hear you. Let's take turns. When you acknowledge everyone and give them space to be heard, the chaos calms down. That's what you're doing with your parts. You're being the wise parent who can hold space for all the different voices.

[00:30:50] One more analogy, and this one's particularly relevant for pain. Think of your parts like warning lights on your car's dashboard. [00:31:00] When the check engine light - your scared part - comes on, it's trying to tell you something. You can ignore it, fight it, or get curious and ask, what is this light trying to tell me?

[00:31:13] The most effective approach is to get curious. Once you address what they're warning you about, they turn off. Same with your parts. Once they feel heard and understood, they can relax. They don't need to be so loud. Now, I wanna address a few questions that often come up when I teach this approach to my patients, because you might be wondering the same things.

[00:31:37] First question, isn't this just talking to myself? Doesn't that mean I'm crazy? No, you're not crazy. We all have different parts. We all have internal dialogues. We're just making the unconscious conscious. Research and neuroscience supports this showing the brain has different networks that can be in conflict with each other. What we're [00:32:00] calling parts is a way of understanding and working with these different neural networks. Second question, what if I can't hear my parts? What if I try to ask them questions and nothing comes up?

[00:32:13] That is totally normal, especially at first. If you're not hearing anything, try this:

[00:32:20] Instead of waiting for words, notice sensations or images. Where do you feel the scared part in your body? What does it look like? You can also try writing, write a letter to a part, and then let the part write back, but trust your intuition. Third question, what if my parts don't want to talk to me? What if they don't trust me?

[00:32:46] The solution is to be patient and consistent. Keep showing up. Just keep acknowledging them, keep thanking them, and over time they'll start to trust that you're genuinely interested in understanding them, [00:33:00] not just trying to make them go away. If a part really doesn't want to talk, respect that. You can say, okay, I understand you're not ready, but I'm here whenever you want to share.

[00:33:12] Fourth question, what if I have a part that's really destructive? What if I have a part that wants to hurt me? It's important to remember that every part has a positive intention from its own vantage point, even if its strategy is harmful. If you have a part that seems destructive, get curious about what it's trying to protect you from.

[00:33:37] Often these parts are trying to protect you from even worse emotional pain, shame, or vulnerability. If you have parts that feel really intense or really destructive, it might be helpful to work with a therapist who's trained in IFS. They can help you navigate those parts safely. And the last question, how long does this [00:34:00] take?

[00:34:00] When will I see results? This is different for everyone. Some people notice a shift immediately. Others need more time and practice. This is usually not a quick fix, it's a practice, but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And over time, you'll notice that you're spending less time in internal conflict and more time in Self.

[00:34:24] And that shift, that's where healing happens. Let me leave you with one final story because I think it really captures the power of this approach. I had a patient, let's call her Rachel, who had chronic pelvic pain for over a decade. Nothing worked. We started working with IFS and Rachel discovered that she had a part that was holding a lot of old trauma.

[00:34:44] Her body had been using physical pain as a way to keep that emotional pain locked away. When Rachel finally gave that exiled part permission to speak, when she listened to its story with compassion and curiosity, something profound happened. [00:35:00] She cried, she grieved, and as she did that her physical pain finally began to decrease.

[00:35:08] It took months of consistent work, but gradually Rachel's pain continued to decline. And more importantly, her relationship with the pain changed. She wasn't at war with it anymore. She understood it as a messenger, and she knew how to listen.

[00:35:25] Rachel said something to me that I'll never forget. She said, it wasn't until I stopped fighting my pain and started listening to it that if finally changed. That's what I want for you. I want you to stop being at war with yourself. I want you to understand that your parts are trying to help you. And I want you to access that wise, compassionate Self that can hold all of your parts with curiosity and care.

[00:35:51] Because when you can do that, everything changes. Not just your pain, but your whole relationship with yourself. So here's my [00:36:00] invitation to you. Start noticing your parts. Get curious about them. Thank them. See what happens when you approach yourself with compassion instead of criticism. And remember, you don't have to do this perfectly.

[00:36:13] Just keep practicing, keep showing up, keep listening. Your parts have been waiting a long time to be heard. And when you finally turn toward them with curiosity and compassion, when you finally say, I see you, I hear you, thank you. That's when healing begins.

[00:36:31] You stop being at war with who you are. And from that place of internal peace, your nervous system can finally rest. And when your nervous system rests, pain often follows. 

[00:36:44] So take a breath right now. Notice what parts are here as you're listening to this. Whatever parts are here, just acknowledge them, say hello. Thank them for being here. And know that underneath all of those parts, there's a Self [00:37:00] that's calm, curious, compassionate, and capable. That Self has always been there, and you can access it anytime you need it.

[00:37:10] I hope this topic was helpful and if you found this episode valuable, please share it with someone who might benefit. If you want to dive deeper into this work, check out the resources in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here, as always. Thank you for doing this work. Take care of yourself and be kind to your parts. I'll see you next time on Mind Your Body.

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