Comfort: A Talk With Lanette Ramey About Our Process To Learn To Receive Comfort

Ever felt like you're navigating the crazy terrain of life and comfort is elusive? Well, we're right there with you! Maybe you don’t even know or can’t quite identify what comfort exactly might look like for you. It's certainly new for me. I have found a lot of  comfort through addictive patterns and coping mechanisms.  Although they can “work” for a time, eventually we need to let them go in order to have the peace and joy and love we are promised.  

Join my dear friend Lanette and me as we process  the critical role comfort plays to walk in the “more” promised us by God. We share stories of healing, personal discoveries, and challenges we've overcome as we have purposed to press into deeper levels of intimacy with one another and our families.

We process some real and recent practice with ourselves and our kids.  We take a moment to slow down, invite comfort through our faith, and extend that comfort to others in the face of adversity. I think no matter where you’re at and what you're wrestling with, this episode offers hope and insights that can  help in the journey. 

Chapters

• 0:08 The Importance of Comfort in Relationships
• 4:04 Receiving Comfort and Building Intimacy
• 15:15 Importance of Comfort and Being Present
• 30:24 Exploring Vulnerability and Comfort
• 38:34 Finding Comfort in Real Conversations

Transcript

Laurine: 0:08

Welcome. Today we're talking about what it means to be comforted. We're talking about comfort, and I'm pretty excited about this, although if you've listened more than once, you will realize I'm usually excited about these conversations because they really hit home for me. And today I'm talking with my dear friend, Lanette, and the reason that she's here with me is because about six months ago, we started actively pursuing a deeper level of intimacy in our relationship, and part of what that involved for us was giving and receiving comfort. And if you had the opportunity to listen last week to Bill Bidell's podcast on darkness, one of the things that he said that I loved was something to the fact that if you're not willing to go into a particular place or don't have access to it and you're not willing to let people help you with it, that really prevents your growth and you are more apt to stay stuck. And so Lanette and I have been pressing into particularly how to have our needs met in a deeper way in giving and receiving comfort. And so, welcome, Lanette. I'm very, like I said, excited to chat with you today, and I always say too, my poor guests don't have the benefit of a script or questions, because I like to see how things unfold, and I really appreciate Lanette's been willing to just show up here and just go for it with me. I know we have a ton that we can talk about about comfort, and so we're just going to see how this goes and what direction it takes.

Laurine: 1:42

I also want to refer back to my interview with Claire a few weeks ago. Claire and I talked about fellowship, and I think that's also a perfect springboard because essentially, what you and I have been doing is practicing deeper fellowship and deeper connection, and it makes me think about Bill's quote again. You know, unless we are willing to give access, we're often stuck. He said something else that I really liked too, about how, in order to grow, you have to take risk. I can't remember if I already mentioned that, but I did want to mention that because in our culture, we don't have to take those relational risks often because we are not forced to be around one another like we have been in the past and Claire and I mentioned that too like we don't have to go to the well, if you will, we don't have to show up, we don't even have to show up at the grocery store anymore, and church is shifted. Fellowship is not the same at church. So we are not overlapping in ways that are anything other than purposeful. We choose when to enter in and when to step out, and so, anyway, I wanted to read a couple of verses before we get started, because Lanette and I are choosing to step in in some uncomfortable and risky ways, and it has really stretched us.

Laurine: 2:55

But I, like I shared last week, have been on this journey with my own personal healing through various dark things addictive patterns, ocd and anxiety and I'm committed to showing up and healing, and so that's where pressing in and receiving comfort in deeper ways has been necessary for me to continue my journey.

Laurine: 3:13

I'm thinking of the verse in 2nd Corinthians 1: 3 and 4, that says Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Laurine: 3:32

And then, of course, we can think of a lot of verses like Psalm 23, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Or in Psalm 119,. It says "this is my comfort in affliction that your promises give me life, and so coming back and looking at that, like our first comfort is the Lord. But we are given to each other and I think receiving comfort from one another has become a lost art, and I certainly never even learned the art when I was growing up. So that's a big preamble. But, lynette, I wonder if you have anything that comes to your mind as far as some of the specific ways, or even a first memory when one of us chose to enter into comfort into a new way in this past six months.

Lanette: 4:19

Well, I do, and it just so happens to be yesterday.

Laurine: 4:24

Great and I want to say Lanette and I were laughing yesterday because we've had this podcast set up to do for probably a month or something and it was so funny that we had the opportunity to practice yesterday.

Lanette: 4:42

Yeah, that worked out really well. So yesterday, and really the entire weekend, I was in a pretty low place and I woke up yesterday and I realized I was sitting on the couch bringing my hands, not knowing what to do with myself. And I got a phone call from Laurine and, since we had already been, we've been practicing, like she said, for you know, six months or more now and she's becoming a safe person for me. And I didn't even hesitate to answer the phone and she was awesome and gracious enough to offer to set aside what she was doing for the day and just ask me what I needed from her. And at first I had no idea what I needed from her, but I needed her to come over and she immediately came over to my house.

Laurine: 5:43

Yeah, so yesterday was different for both of us, I think in some pretty profound ways, because six months ago and I want to say too, we've been friends for like 15 or 17 years, so I don't know how many other of you listeners can relate, some of us can tend to be a little bit of super performers and we can be great friends, but to go to that deeper level of giving and receiving in more intimacy and safety is not an easy skill to develop. So about six months ago, Lanette and I had a circumstance that sort of propelled us into some deeper intimacy and really opened the door and caused us both to realize that we had more work to do. So I just wanted to put that little asterisk by it. But I want to say, Lanette, for me and for you both that was very different, because six months ago I would not have interrupted my routine to listen to that little nudge that said call Lanette. And I had known that you were having a tough weekend because we'd spoken last week. Well, I wasn't sure if you were still having a tough weekend, but I'd known that you'd had a tough, something tough happen the week before.

Laurine: 6:52

But how often do we get so set in our own isolated routines that we don't extend, and then we also do not receive comfort, so we're not able to do either. So when I picked up the phone to call Lynette, if I'm totally honest I wasn't thrilled about it, because I really love my routines in the morning. But I am learning that that cannot trump relationship and that we can continue to practice routine to receive the safety, emotional safety and space that we need doesn't mean that we're unboundaried, but we also have to be willing to let that be interrupted and trust and obey. Right, you know. So I received comfort from you too.

Lanette: 7:38

Yeah. So another cool thing that I was thinking about was, well, it was a result of like a lot of hard work for both of us. Like it has not been easy, no, Right I mean, but we just kept showing up and we kept, we were determined and, Um, we just we did the work right, Right, Even though it was hard a lot a lot of time right, yes.

Lanette: 8:05

And then here we are yesterday and when you called me, I, you know I didn't know what I needed quite at first. But when I said I need you to come over, I, because of we've been building this connection and this trust and closeness I was able to receive that and I did not. I was fine with you having to cancel your plans. I wasn't really that worried about it, to be honest, because I knew you wanted to do it. I knew you weren't doing it out of obligation, right, right.

Laurine: 8:36

And to. I always tell Lanette like she inspires me, and Lanette is further along in that than I am. I told her earlier today when we were chatting, that I don't know if I would have been able to receive that with as much grace and ease as Lanette has. Lanette has been working for quite some time and it's really neat because I get to learn these things. Some of them, you know, we're all in different places.

Laurine: 9:00

Some of us are further ahead in one way, or, you know, we've all got different strengths and weaknesses and I just tell Lanette all the time how she blows me away with certain things, that she has gotten emotionally healthy, in that I am following along her.

Laurine: 9:14

And then, of course, there's ways that you know like, like I said, we take turns and we all get to benefit from one another, which is a beautiful picture of what the church is meant to do. We're meant to spur each other on and we're all meant to be very different, and so I was really, so I couldn't believe that she took me up on it. She actually told me what she needed and I wouldn't have offered it had I not been able to do it. And that's the thing I know for me, my own sense of worth, my own sense of knowing I'm worth, taking care of, that someone actually could want to come over and I could be a mess. That is still tough on me. I have a hard time being a mess, being needy, being desperate, receiving comfort, and I'm working on that with Monty and I'm working on that with my friends and I'm working on that with my family. How can I receive comfort? It's hard for me still.

Lanette: 10:07

So when I decided to have you come over, I didn't know what comfort was, what I was going to look like in terms of comfort, because I just didn't know Right. But I knew I wanted you there. I knew it would be helpful in some capacity. But as soon as you got there I felt better. Wow, I felt comfort.

Laurine: 10:35

It makes me think about how often, because I don't know what the comfort is going to look like and my paradigm has been that comfort is not attainable for me I often will not even extend myself to take the risk to be open to receive the comfort.

Laurine: 10:51

I'm like, no, I'm good when, actually, if I would just do what you did, I would receive that comfort.

Laurine: 10:59

And we were talking last week about how, when we're taking emotional risks, how horrible it can fill in the moment sometime, like you're, like this is the opposite of what I need and I'm happy that yesterday that wasn't the case. But how often do you or I know I can speak for myself often I will know that I need to receive comfort and I extend, I like, put my toe in the water and then everything from my family of origin, everything from my trauma, everything from my wound in this, everything from that, those walls of self-protection that Bill talked about last week, everything screams bad idea but you know, and then how often do I get hijacked or heightened? And if I can press into it and stay present, then if I get to the other side I can say, huh, I did receive some comfort, even though in the moment, everything in our body opposes it and wants to revert back to those old patterns that feel safe. I don't know if that resonates with you at all, yeah.

Lanette: 12:03

Oh, for sure, and that's why I said this this is was a long time coming.

Laurine: 12:09

Yeah, I feel so happy about that, when that now we say to each other good job, we are working really hard, we will do it.

Lanette: 12:16

We are working hard.

Laurine: 12:17

I think I might be like 14 now. Right, you know we joke about because we would do both. I was 12 the other day but, thank you, we revert back to these little places that are painful and anyway. So, anyway, I kind of interrupted you, but how does so tell me how that resonates?

Lanette: 12:32

with you. Well, I mean, I was just thinking I was feeling pretty young, but going back to thinking about how I knew we both knew the importance of community and connection and you know relationships with people, but it was costly and hard and you know trust issues and stuff like that, and so we did this, was, I mean I to be honest, it was. It's been very hard, right, but we both have been showing up for it. So, just, I feel like yesterday, receiving what she offered having her come out, having her come over and be with me when I was a mess, I was a wreck Right, like, but I was able to process with her, she prayed with me and I can honestly say I there's been just kind of a shift in my paradigm. There's been a paradigm shift. I never really believed that I could receive comfort, like.

Lanette: 13:48

I received from Laurine yesterday.

Laurine: 13:50

Wow, that really means a lot and I can so put myself in your position and recognize how, as I continue to show up, I'm going to continue to receive comfort and greater measure. And I hope and pray that I will be willing to take the risk that you did yesterday when you were a mess. And and I hope and I'm not looking for opportunity because I don't want to feel like a mess right now it's helpful but but I'm so thankful that we are all created to be in different places at different times, and if we were all a pile on the floor, mess all the time, who would be strong for us? And one of the joys is Allowing one another and recognize that we're, that we were given to one another for that purpose, to actually Receive it.

Laurine: 14:40

And I was thinking when you were talking at Lanette about how often I will see someone and I can see they're hurting and I want so much to give to them, but there's a stop, there's a wall. They won't receive the comfort that I want to give them. And I'm sure we can all relate to that, like with if you have kids, or Sometimes someone is in tremendous pain and you know, just like we know, jesus can relieve our pain. Sometimes we can't receive it. So I know that sometimes I have something to give to someone else that they won't receive. And what a privilege when someone actually will say I'm a mess. Can you comfort me that that was so easy to enter into your perceived mess? Yesterday I mean it felt very real to you but, as we know, our messes are always way. You know. When we're in the middle of that mess, yeah, that hijacking of our brain, that self criticism, that doubt, the self-hatred, the despair, the hopelessness. Obviously that is not Reality in the realm of Christ, but it's very real and painful to us.

Laurine: 15:46

And how to let someone enter into that and receive comfort, so that we're seeing and heard and so that we're restored to the truth, right.

Lanette: 15:56

I did want to point out that it really didn't take that long. Yeah right, I was like, okay, we're done.

Lanette: 16:04

Yes, right, we were laughing before long and yeah, but this, this has been, you know, leading up to that, leading up to yesterday, one of my kids has gone through a really difficult time and what I'm, what I realized, is that I can't fix it right. Yeah, but that's what I want to do, that's what I try to do, but where I've been, what I've been doing differently lately is just being there for them, sitting with them in their pain.

Laurine: 16:40

So how does that that's so good? Lanette, how does that feel different?

Lanette: 16:45

so in the past I I was afraid, right I didn't know how I was gonna help them. I may have Like avoided coming to them.

Laurine: 16:59

That makes sense. You may have avoided because I know I feel helpless well.

Lanette: 17:04

So I'm just so something that I've been like trying to figure out, because it Kind of ties into Some neglect, right, okay, so like if I because I didn't receive what I needed, right. And so now that I'm, I feel like I'm really doing a good job, like being there for the kids and Doing this and showing up and in the way that I should be right. That's helpful for them and and comforting and, you know, co-regulating or whatever. But I'm noticing like Thinking back, going gosh, I would have showed.

Laurine: 17:42

I wish I would have shown up like this in other places right totally, and it's because you were when you were Emotionally at the time. And then we, you're progressing. I'm progressing and it's so interesting because you do realize how much Deeper we go when we get emotionally mature. But we have to grow up, and I know I've said before on here when my mom and dad went to see a psychologist when they were like Maybe in their 50s, their psychologist said At that time, only like one in ten people ever grow up, and I don't know where he got that statistic.

Laurine: 18:19

And people are certainly more aware now. I think there's a lot more conversation about what it means to be emotionally in tune and present. So I would imagine that statistic is going up. But you can't give what you don't. Have both said that last week too. You can't, you can't bring someone along where you haven't been, and I Think there's a grace and a beauty in that too, because none of us can be the perfect parent None of, I mean. Can you imagine? So like Our kids have to grow up too? You're right where you need to be right now for your kids. Does that make sense?

Lanette: 18:52

It does make.

Laurine: 18:53

I've had those same feelings. There's regret, like I didn't know right?

Lanette: 18:57

I know so that what you said, that Bill said what that was actually what really brought comfort to me and and I was able to Give myself grace.

Laurine: 19:09

Hmm.

Lanette: 19:09

You know, just those words. Like I, I can't give what I don't have. So what I noticed with one of my kids I knew what I needed to do. In some ways I knew I just needed to show up and be there and be present and comfort. And I didn't really know what I needed to say, but I, I Just reminded myself, like this is what I've learned Comforts people, right, my presence. So again, this was on the heels of needing comfort myself. So when Laurine came over and I experienced it myself, it was just this, you know, wake up call. It was awakening because I now know how I can comfort people, because I've I've been comforted, right, so I've experienced the comfort.

Laurine: 20:05

We're starting to experience it in deeper and deeper ways. It makes me think of the verse I started out with. I wasn't, I really don't think most people are very good at giving comfort and we even talk about that. You know, like the awkwardness of giving comfort.

Lanette: 20:20

Because we haven't experienced the comfort. Yes, yes, right, I didn't know because I hadn't experienced it. Again, it's like I can't give what I don't have, right.

Laurine: 20:30

So and we're getting better at it and it's kind of fun Lanette and I joke about it how we are awakening you used that word a minute ago but we're starting to be awakened into what it really is to give and receive comfort and I do believe that there's a depth to that. That can happen through the love of Jesus and through that unity of spirit. And this world is full of troubles and trials and we're not m eant to fix it. We're not meant to.

Laurine: 20:59

Bill last week talked about frenetic energy. And how often do we try to solve? We try to caretake, and often because of my own ignorance, my neglect, if you will, of some of the areas where my children perhaps needed comfort, was because I was putting myself in rule of caretaker rather than comforter. So you showing up yesterday to just be a safe space, to be there, to be present, to not fix, to not solve, to not give into fear or control, that put your kid in the position to receive your comfort, because you weren't comforting out of fear or control. You had that sense of groundedness and security that it was okay.

Lanette: 21:41

Right.

Laurine: 21:42

Yeah.

Lanette: 21:43

Yeah, and honestly, just processing all this today and thinking, when we talked earlier about answer to prayer, I mean it's like ultimately we were comforted. I was comforted by the father right, and he was right there in it.

Laurine: 22:03

Yep and so, and often, because we're so human, we put ourselves in the role that we're not meant to have and then we don't receive the present ministry of comfort and deliverance that Christ has for us because we're so busy being in the way you know. So I'm really struck by that too, and I want to continue to lay down my humanity, where I get distracted, where I want to do one more thing, where I want to just solve something and not quench the spirit. I don't want to quench the spirit because I even think about how much different my day would have been yesterday, lanette, if I hadn't listened to that little voice that said call your friend. I was feeling distracted, I was on task, I was feeling I was feeling okay, okay enough to listen to the voice of the spirit, but had I quenched that, I would have, knowing myself, ramped up into doing being. I've got a lot on my plate in the next week and I would not have received that grounded, amazing day I had yesterday, despite some stuff that came up and you know.

Lanette: 23:17

Well, it's really cool to think too like the connection, like here we're working on connection in our relationships and there's not to digress. But I you know I have I have been having trouble feeling comfort from, from God, and so as I'm sitting here, I'm thinking well, I received his comfort through you.

Laurine: 23:52

I love that. That's a gift.

Lanette: 24:01

I do want to say more about that, but I don't really want to like cry.

Laurine: 24:07

Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, you can take your time. Yeah, right, I want to comment on that too, lanette, because I think when there's something really quote big, like cancer or a death or something that quote warrants comfort. I think people are more apt to give it, and I think that one of the things that I'm learning is how I need to receive comfort for feelings of distress or lack of safety, or even when I'm spiraling into my head rumination, isolation, over-analyzation, self-criticism, that those things are also worthy of putting out into the light and receiving comfort around. And that kind of is striking me in new ways, because I haven't thought that there was anything that I was really worth being comforted about, because it's all small stuff. And I'm thinking of that quote.

Laurine: 25:12

I've heard someone say it, I can't remember from where. But don't sweat the small stuff, it's all small stuff In the light of eternity. Every feeling we have, every experience that we have, no matter how big or how small, is small in light of eternity, and it's all very real. Yeah, some of the smallest stuff can be the most painful. Given our paradigm or our family of origin or our story, we have no idea what is small and big to someone else.

Lanette: 25:40

Well, and yesterday we both knew and I was like I know I'm aware that I'm kind of spiraling and I'm probably big dealing, what's going on some ways, but it didn't matter, right Like it didn't matter. I didn't have to be rational or I could be young and you. I still can have you show up for me.

Lanette: 26:10

Right, because we're not only worth comforting when we have the answers or have our stuff together or yeah, I mean you could have very well this been like girl, get over it, right, it's not that big of a deal. Well, how often do we do?

Laurine: 26:23

that, honestly, how often do we respond out of our own woundedness, our own pride, our own judgment, our own advice? And I know one of the things in my journey was even learning to receive comfort. I wasn't even willing to extend any mess because I had so little tolerance. I couldn't receive anything. And often people do want to extend something. It may or may not have been useful. I couldn't receive it. I just needed people to not look at me, to not touch me, to not give me a Bible verse, to not tell me any advice, but just to be present in it with me. And that has been a walk of learning to show up too, as I've gotten better at recognizing okay, I'm an extended vulnerability and I can't tolerate anything back. And I will actually say that to people now. In fact I think I've said it to you like okay, I'm vulnerable, just let me say this I can't tolerate anything back until I get out of that heightened emotion, because for me, even putting myself out there with a negative feeling has felt so risky.

Lanette: 27:33

Well, and I think we've done a really good job about being honest with each other, and so we'll ask each other do you want feedback?

Laurine: 27:41

Yeah, so we've been practicing that and it's been so helpful Partly because I've shared with one at my story and so we've been able to say what do you need, and am I moving on too quickly?

Lanette: 27:51

It's so cool, though, because we've been able to help each other out and give each other that space.

Laurine: 28:02

I know I've referred a number of times to last week's podcast with Bill.

Laurine: 28:06

Part of what alerted me to the fact that I needed some help and growth was because I couldn't manage my compulsive behaviors anymore and I was acting out in ways that were getting increasingly damaging and I'd come to a certain point in healing through eating disorder or certain behaviors.

Laurine: 28:28

But I needed to go to the next level in order to live that life that I felt God promised, which is peace and joy and love, and I wasn't experiencing those things. So I'm like, okay, there has to be more. And that was where I noticed the key was I wasn't able to receive comfort and that kind of unlocked a deeper level of healing with my obsessive compulsive, my OCD, my anxiety, my addictive, self-destructive stuff, because I had come as far as I could go without letting other people into that journey and learning to receive comfort. And so I'm really thankful for the practice in that and I do want to say to any of you listening that if you have a self-destructive pattern or behavior or some hopelessness or despair that you are not feeling can be remedied, perhaps it's time to look and take it a little deeper and say could I be missing out on giving and receiving of comfort that just came to me.

Lanette: 29:32

Yeah, I was just thinking too that when we aren't feeling we're in a space where we're not feeling comfort from the Father, we're not receiving one of the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit and I think a lot of the times we're in our own way.

Laurine: 29:53

Yeah, explain that a little more. What do you mean by that?

Lanette: 29:57

We're not letting others enter in, so we're not able to receive the comfort the Father wants to give us, because we're not in a place where we know how to receive it.

Laurine: 30:14

So how do we?

Lanette: 30:15

get there, we have to do the hard work. We have to well. Vulnerability, I think, is key, just being willing to enter in even though it's really hard.

Laurine: 30:34

Yeah, no, I agree, lynette, and it makes me think too about how even that is a practice of showing up, because I know for myself, entering in, there's a difference between vulnerability and authentic vulnerability. But how are you supposed to know unless you start practicing vulnerability? Does that make sense, sort of we have to learn how to be present and intact in our emotions in order to be appropriately vulnerable, yes, and so a lot of times I have given myself away an emotional intimacy or vulnerability that was not appropriate or able to yeah, helpful, appropriate. I wasn't able to be reciprocal, but that was part of my practice, and that's where we have to have grace for the practice and knowing okay, it's okay if I show up, messy and make a mess of this and someone else is not able to meet my need. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking to receive comfort, I'm looking to become more intact and emotionally accessible to God first and the others.

Laurine: 31:40

I don't know if that makes sense, so it's almost like I'm going to keep showing up the practices and the messiness, the practices and the risk taking, the practices and the vulnerability. The practices not in other people's responses. The practices not in what we are expecting from others. That's where we get to come back again and again and say no, I know I can receive comfort, I'm going to receive it, even if it doesn't feel like that, and that felt terrible. And that's where we keep showing up, because then we do unlock things that make it possible for us to receive comfort, but it certainly isn't fast. It's hard work, like you said Right. So we've been all over the map, which is great, and I think there's a lot of really great nuggets in there.

Lanette: 32:28

We're going to splice them all together. Yeah.

Laurine: 32:31

No, and seriously though, I do like the conversation and I think that the topic of comfort is so hard to even pin down. What is comfort to one person? What's comfort to another person? We don't know. We're not mind readers, but we can, as we receive comfort and we know what isn't comfort, we're able to extend with more genuine love to others and not step in ways that are not comforting.

Lanette: 33:00

Right, it's just so interesting, like, just like, even as we're sitting here going. I received comfort from the father through you and I didn't, really I didn't, I wasn't thinking about that, I didn't realize that until today, and I was thinking that through Thoughts in. They have to like Right.

Laurine: 33:21

Formulate. Yeah Well, and I do appreciate, I really do appreciate you being willing to show up and try to articulate in a way that feels messy. Lanette and I both feel messy today because we're trying to articulate something that has been, number one, hard fought. Number two is still in process. Number three is very hard to articulate and I appreciate you being willing to do it and to let you listeners know Lanette was nervous about doing this because we knew it would be messy.

Lanette: 33:57

Yeah, you're right, I was nervous, but despite my nervousness, I love you and I wanted to do this for you.

Laurine: 34:05

So we've been going back and forth a lot and putting a lot of very intangible thoughts and trying to communicate about them. But I wonder now, because even in this process, lanette and I have been having some epiphanies about comfort. We have been working on this together and even in this conversation, we deliberately didn't talk about this before we got together because we wanted to have authentic process in it. So this is an exercise too, and I'm wondering, now that we have recorded ourselves for like half an hour, lanette, if we want to kind of pause and think back on the kind of key takeaways or highlights of what this past six months, 17 years, how we want to look at it, has progressed. Just, I don't know what will hit either of us in regards to specific takeaways regarding comfort, and I think I could take a turn and you could take a turn.

Lanette: 35:00

So for me, I wanted and needed community. I wanted it and I knew I needed it and you and I were already friends, we already loved each other, and so we just entered in and, like we said, it's been really hard, right? We both kept showing up and not I'm like I'm not giving up on this. I know we're building trust as we're doing this and connection, but we, you know we had resolved to, like I, resolved to just keep showing up.

Laurine: 35:44

And I want to say to Lanette which just strikes me with what you said that we determined to show up to the best of our ability with our present emotions and I think you and I both did a pretty good job of knowing that we weren't going to explain ourselves to one another, justify, defend. But I think that about six months ago we both decided we were just going to show up messy and receive as best we could. And I think that's really where the progression of being able to receive the comfort that you were able to receive yesterday and there was a time I remember when I really received comfort from you, but it was much less comfortable because it sounds like you felt pretty comfortable. But maybe four months ago I actually even two weeks ago I did receive some comfort from you. I actually called Lanette and asked her. I said I'm just feeling like a mess, there's so much going on. I asked her to meet me for happy hour. I did receive comfort, but then, after I received that comfort from Lanette, I self-sabotaged, which is interesting. So we did actually process that.

Laurine: 36:56

But I'm just recognizing how you and I basically decided we were going to show up without excuses or defensive over-explanation and just be. I'm presently. I feel like a mess, or I feel anxious, or I feel like a loser or I feel whatever. I'm just kind of struck by that because we haven't spent a lot of time over analyzing or ruminating. We have spent time in present, intact emotion, no matter what that looks like, whether it's 12 or 53, like I feel right now. But that just kind of strikes me and so I'm wondering about you listeners, if any of you are wanting to experience more comfort or more freedom, if you have a safe relationship where you are connected, where there might be room for you to be willing to show up with a little bit more mess and authentic vulnerability and step into that. So that's just kind of what comes to my mind as we wrap up and you last Well more we do this too, the easier we're getting, the closer we're getting and the easier it is.

Laurine: 38:02

Yeah, because Lanette and I after last week, after we processed, I was able to say what could I do differently? Because I received comfort to a point and then the discomfort of the comfort I didn't know what to do with it. So I went home and self-destructed and having, and then I did call her. Oh, actually, I called her and I said, Lanette, I need to come process something with you. So good job, Laurine!

Laurine: 38:26

And you came over to my house, Actually went over to your house and confessed yeah, we walk in the light and anyway.

Laurine: 38:34

So that's a lot of the process that Lanette and I are going through and I am just going to say I know Lanette and I are both going to be uncomfortable with the messiness of this podcast probably, but I'm going to just relish the fact, the comfort, that we do not have to be perfect and that we get to have real conversation because we're real people and give and receive comfort from one another, as we can give and receive it right where we're at. And I hope that, wherever you're at that, you will take a little pause and maybe ask the Lord where he has more comfort for you. Maybe ask the Lord where to let someone in in a little bit of a deeper way, maybe ask him how to extend yourself in the mess, maybe slow down the frantic pace and, like I talked about last week with Bill, Strive for his rest, to abide, to walk, and I do pray that you will go with the comfort of the Lord Jesus Christ, today and receive what he has for you. Thank you so much for listening.