Tiniest of Seeds

How Judgment and Other Perspectives Shift Over the Years As We Walk with Jesus: A Talk with My Mom, Beverly Mesler

• Laurine Decker and Beverly Mesler • Season 2 • Episode 8

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As Christinas, we know to "judge not", but sometimes we get confused about what that means. It's not judgment to have a perspective or opinion that differs from someone - it's what we do with that perspective. Do you know the one and true judge? It's Jesus himself. What a relief. Our Redeemer and Righteousness.

What about shame or judgment of your self? Do you ever feel like you're unworthy of love or like you're falling short and just not enough? Does this impact your ability to enjoy your present life? Today my mother, Beverly Mesler, and I chat about how self-judgement and judgement of others has impacted us.  She shares reflections from her lengthy walk as a disciple of Jesus that began at a Billy Graham crusade at the tender age of 13. She highlights some pivotal moments in her life that led to profound spiritual growth and an ongoing reliance on Jesus. We talk about judgment, pride, and the humbling process of recognizing our own weaknesses. 

Throughout the episode, we unpack the transformative power of humility and the often painful but necessary journey of selflessness.  We share struggles with self-importance and the battle with self-condemnation, and talk about the essence of servant leadership and the need for love, authenticity, and surrender in our spiritual lives.

Join us as we invite you to acknowledge your need for God at every stage of your faith journey, and embrace the joy and peace that come with it.

Laurine Decker:

Welcome to the Tiniest of Seeds podcast. My name is Lorraine and today I have a really special guest. It's my mother, and I actually asked my mom to be on this, maybe a year ago, mom, I would say. And the conversation is happening today, which is quite delightful. It's interesting because my mom has known me longer than anyone else in my life, except for my twin sister, autumn, who was in the womb with me. So I would say Autumn really met me first, but my mom has been there and she is a tenacious woman of faith and also very human, and she is a tenacious woman of faith and also very human.

Laurine Decker:

I inherited some of my greatest strengths from my mother and I am also really so grateful that the Lord's power is perfected in our weakness, because I also inherited some weakness from my mother, I would say or it could have been from Eve, because really it started in the garden.

Laurine Decker:

Judgment that's what my mom and I are going to talk about today, and I think all humans suffer from judgment. So I'm not throwing you under the bus, mom, any more than I would anyone else, but judgment and pride, I would say, are some of the most familiar and deep sins for humanity and also some of the most sneaky and insidious, because I feel like they cloak themselves often in ways that prevent us from knowing Christ. So I always say to my guest mom every time that I really appreciate people being willing to do this and to show up without a script and without questions. I know it's a little bit challenging and I really appreciate you being willing to do that as well, because it's probably a little bit challenging and I really appreciate you being willing to do that as well because it's probably a little bit uncomfortable. So guests welcome my mother. Her name is Beverly Messler and I love her dearly and I really appreciate you being on today, mom.

Beverly Mesler:

Really appreciate being here. Thanks, thank you for your kind words, because I know your heart and I know your love for me and you do see strengths in me and have revealed them to me that maybe I didn't recognize. I'm very familiar with my weaknesses, increasingly so as I grow in Christ, increasingly so as I grow in. Christ, even though I've been a Christian for 65 years, 65 years.

Laurine Decker:

I remember you told me that you accepted Christ at a Billy Graham crusade, actually when you were 13. That's right. So if you guys can do the math, that means you are 77. 77.

Beverly Mesler:

77. Almost 78.

Laurine Decker:

70, almost 78. Yeah. So my mom has been a woman of faith for a very long time and I have been up close and personal to a lot of your growth, mom, and I have told many of my friends and you listeners who I've spoken with how much my mom and dad's faith have impacted me and it really the reason that I continue to show up. Well, now it's become really real, but initially a lot of the reason I kept showing up was because I could see you know there's something to this because I can see my mom and dad changing, I see that God is faithful, because I see that they are not the same people that they used to be. And I know you already said, mom, that you are far from perfect and that you continue to grow deeper in knowing your own humanity, which I think is one of the best things about Jesus is, the more deep we go, the more we realize how much we need him.

Laurine Decker:

And specifically, I think, regarding judgment, because I know, for my story, a lot of my judgment has been harbored against myself and I wonder if you could talk a little bit more about that, because you just said that at the beginning. You said it's easy for you to see your weaknesses and not as much your strengths. I think judgment can take two different tactics, and I think the evil one doesn't really care which way. It can either be harsh judgment against ourselves or harsh judgment toward others. So would you talk a little bit more about that, sure?

Beverly Mesler:

And just deception when you accept Christ. As a 13-year-old in an intact family, thinking my father was perfect and my mom was a great mom, I thought that I was not bad. And so when I accepted Christ as my Savior, I took the little discipleship course that Billy Graham puts out afterwards, took the little discipleship course that Billy Graham puts out afterwards. And also my mom would take me to hear a Christian singer and buy me the record, okay. And so I would listen to the songs and be discipled. But I grew up thinking black and white, okay, thinking black and white, okay.

Beverly Mesler:

And probably in my 20s or I read a book or early 30s and I was extremely troubled that the good person in the book I saw that a good person in the book and an evil person in the book, okay.

Beverly Mesler:

And by and by the end of the book, as you read their stories, the evil person had good in them and the good person had evil in them, and that really set me back in my faith. That was really hard for me to see that things weren't black and white. So I recognized then that Christians whom I thought were good were not perfect, okay, and people who did not know Christ, and I felt they should know Christ. They had good, okay, yeah. So then I read a pamphlet on the seven deadly sins which was also put out by billy graham. Okay, and I thought I only had one of those sins when I started reading that pamphlet and that was gluttony because I've struggled with overeating. But reading the pamphlet and seeing how those sins were described idolatry, adultery, greed, avarice, pride I had all of them and that really really broke my heart, and that was about in your 20s too, you think.

Laurine Decker:

I think so.

Beverly Mesler:

Okay, and accepting Christ at the age 13 and going to church and knowing songs like Jesus loves me, jesus loves the little children. It wasn't until I was 26 years old and I was reading a pamphlet put out for parents and how to discipline their children and how discipline is a sign of love. If you love somebody, you discipline them. And as I was reading the pamphlet I kept seeing God, kept inserting him as the parent and me as the child. And as I drove home from where I was, I was crying.

Beverly Mesler:

And when I walked in the front door, my husband Roy said Bev, what's wrong? And I said it's going to make me cry again. Nothing, I'm fine. He says no. And he had me sit down beside him and I said well, I feel so silly saying this, but I just realized that Jesus loves me. So I had sung about his love, but I hadn't known his love deep in my heart. So that's been a changing factor too. So since the age of 26, he's just been consistently refining me, and 2000 is not that long ago, long ago now yeah, 24 years ago okay, that's when he convicted me of the depth of pride in my heart okay, to the point where I found that it was disgusting.

Beverly Mesler:

I couldn't believe I had that much pride in my heart. So he continues to expose things in me.

Laurine Decker:

Would you talk a little bit about how the layers have come off, with judgment and pride specifically?

Laurine Decker:

And I ask that because I know from my own personal experience how we go deeper and deeper and I recall how Paul said I'm the chief of all sinners.

Laurine Decker:

That was when he was already an apostle, he was already writing letters to the church and we tend to esteem Christian leaders or people that are in power often, or even other Christians that maybe we respect. We tend to put them a bit on a pedestal and think that somehow they have arrived, when actually, as we have seen even more recently, there's been so much devastation in the churches. Leaders continue to be exposed and everyone's deconstructing now to use kind of a buzzword term. But really I think that a lot of it is because of what you said, where we somehow have thought we were supposed to be more than we were and have not realized that he continues to take us deeper and that anything that sets itself up against knowledge of Christ, anything that opposes that, is something that we need to look at the plank in our own eye about, and I know that that has been a very long and difficult and layered journey for me and I wonder if you can share a little bit about how that has been for you.

Beverly Mesler:

I probably could share a lot, right, if I got going. Yeah, because during those years I was growing in Christ and at one point I was asked to teach a woman's Bible study, which turned out being for quite a few years for quite a number of people. And I can remember studying back in those days, reading commentaries and writing out what my Bible study would be like. And one time, as I was driving to the church, I was struck with how I was not prepared. I had been caught off guard. Okay, I was afraid to give the lecture and I was devastated and I was weeping. I didn't know what to do and God laid it on my heart that I needed to ask him to be with me. But I told him. I said I feel so unworthy, I don't deserve you to help me because I'm not prepared. I didn't do my part and it's like God just said that's what I am for you.

Beverly Mesler:

Ask me, and when I got there, it was the best lecture and the best discussion group I had experienced for a long time, because I had turned it over and I wasn't trying to be that person you described right, who thinks they should have it all together, right, and another time, um, what I just after God called us out of one church into another, which was in 2000. I didn't realize the pharisaical spirit I had, okay, and that I was the person you mentioned Because of my position. Not only did people think highly of me, but I was thinking highly of me too. And I remember speaking at a banquet and before I was to speak they were clearing the tables and I thought, well, the speaker doesn't clear the tables. And so it was after God called us out of that particular body into another body.

Beverly Mesler:

I was in the restroom of this new church and I saw this woman maybe 10 years older than I am, and I saw this woman maybe 10 years older than I am and she was wiping around the sink that when women use the sink it splashes over and she had a paper towel and was cleaning it and I found out later that she was the pastor's mother. That affected me so deeply in how I thought that I shouldn't be wiping around the sink, that that was somebody else. So I recognize now, when God calls you, he doesn't release you from everything else.

Beverly Mesler:

He calls every believer to which is serving and caring, and so another big layer came off when I started having dreams, and in the dreams I was the important person again, but things went awry in the group. I was trying to control, okay, and I felt inadequate. And one time in the dream I was going up an elevator and my two daughters were with me and one of them actually got part of her body, an arm or something, stuck in the elevator door and I was more concerned about getting where I was going. I actually got part of her body, an arm or something, stuck in the elevator door and I was more concerned about getting where I was going to do what I was going to do. And God broke my heart that my priorities were not right, and that is a Pharisee who thinks they're more important than the person they're trying to serve Mom.

Laurine Decker:

It's so interesting hearing those dreams because I've been having some similar dreams and even last night I had one about confusion and chaos. And again it comes down to who do we think we are? Well, we're daughters of the King, like we are so important. And also he alone is the one that is at work. Ultimately, he has conquered sin and death. He is our deliverer and that terrible spirit of pride and self-importance and when I look back at the apostle Paul and seeing his humility but also how he was also wrestling with his humanity, we are all equally in need of Christ and it's God who is at work and that so resonates. It's hard to put into words, but it's so humbling to realize what our priorities are as humans and how the only way that we can be purified that is through the love of Christ. And it all does come back to love. That is what it all ends with.

Laurine Decker:

What is my motive? What am I putting ahead of loving God and loving others? Well, it's often still my irritation, my impatience, my judgment, and not to put condemnation on myself. That's where I'm learning to receive more grace in this period, because I have been a very harsh judge of myself. I have condemned myself for everything that Christ won for me on the cross. I'm not responsible other than to continue to show up and surrender to him and say Lord, forgive me. You know I am judging this, or I am irritated, or I am impatient, I'm not acting in love, and then he forgives me and he gives me a spirit to walk in what he has. But I continue to be blown away by how many of my thoughts still set themselves up against knowledge of Christ and this opportunity to come back to the cross again, absolutely.

Beverly Mesler:

And self. Self is a big enemy of selflessness. Yeah, you know, and God wants all of us. I can remember too, when, when we left that body. I'm trying to think of how many years we were in one body before God called us to another, called us to another, and when we left the first church, god said don't go in there name dropping or talking, talk about yourself or anything, just go in there. So for two years I wept in every service because I I was open to hearing god. Okay, nothing else. And but the church we were called into had different practices than the one we left. For instance, they sang different songs and they raised their hands and they even had something at the front where, during worship, people, if they wanted to, could stand there and sing and worship.

Beverly Mesler:

And one sunday I felt the lord I think he had already given me the courage to raise my hands. That took so long to even raise my hands Like people would. I don't know, and I was afraid of it. I didn't want to be noticed and I was frozen. That was so new. But one Sunday I whispered to my husband and I said I think God is telling me to go up to the front with all these other people. It's not like I would be alone, I wouldn't be making a scene or anything. And I think he's telling me to go kneel and I can't do it and I'm afraid. And my husband he came from the same background. I did, but I guess, out of love for me, it must have been God prompting him, because he took my hand and we walked up to the front together and then he knelt and as he knelt he pulled me down with him. I would have never done it on my own. I love that mom. It was such a breaking of pride and so hard for me to do.

Laurine Decker:

That's so beautiful. I love that and I want to for any of you listeners. We're all so different and just knowing that God's will for us is to be able to obey him. We're told in the Bible trust and obey, and we don't even know what that is half the time. And so if you're listening and you don't know what it even is to trust and obey or to worship or how to enter in, I just want to pause and say all you do is you show up and you say I want to trust and obey and God puts people around us, just like my mom just shared.

Laurine Decker:

My mom and dad are far from perfect. I know that now, but she leaned in and God has created us for one another, first and foremost, to love him and then to be encouraged and exhorted and strengthened by one another. How can we know how to trust and obey unless we are willing to be authentic and so for you to be able to let dad in on that and then for him to take you by the hand and Neil, I know that that's not dad's. Dad did that out of love for you and when we come back again and again to what is the plumb line, how do we know if we're following Jesus? Well, it ultimately results in love for God and love for others.

Beverly Mesler:

And what enabled Him to do such a thing? Obviously, it was the Holy Spirit within Him.

Laurine Decker:

Rather than to judge you, to come back to the word judgment. His judgment didn't get in the way of his loving you Because of that Holy Spirit, that fruit.

Beverly Mesler:

Which is a real testimony to how God wants us in community. We're not to be lone rangers out there. We need each other, and sometimes I'm there for someone else and sometimes they're there for me, and that's how God intends it. But God always is there for us. And I'm just thinking now.

Beverly Mesler:

That was 24 years ago, and last year I went to drop off a box for a Samaritan's Purse at Dietman's Bible bookstore and found out they weren't collecting the boxes, and so as I had pulled up to the store, I had seen this man in the parking lot bent over at the waist, and he was kind of coming my direction and I did not want to encounter him. But as I was backing out, he passed by my passenger window and our eyes connected and I kept going and I went about a half a block and well before I pulled out of the parking lot, god said I want you to pray for that man and I didn't want to and I drove away a half a block and I stopped and I was crying so hard and and I said I can't drive home. I know you're asking me to pray for that man, but I knew that God wanted me to pray that he would be healed. And I don't think I have the faith to pray that he would be healed. And so I said God, what if he's healed? Then what do I do? But what if I pray and he's not healed, then what do I do? And I was just in such torment but I couldn't go home, because I've so many years of walking with Jesus and knowing how he values obedience, I knew he was asking me to do that, so I texted my husband. That's what reminded me of this.

Beverly Mesler:

Okay, what Roy did for me 24 years ago, he did for me a year ago. Wow, I was crying and he answered his cell phone. He was home. We don't live too far away from where I was. He said do you want me to come up and be with you? And I said please. And so he drove up, his car parked beside me, and I was telling him what was happening, and then that man crossed over a street and ended up right by where I was parked.

Beverly Mesler:

Again, and I still knew God wanted me to obey, but I couldn't. And Royce said well, I'll go with you. And he took my hand and we walked out of the car and we walked over to the man and, uh, I didn't even speak. Roy started talking to him and, and, such a precious man. And he said just the fact that you came and talked to me has really made my day. So I didn't pray for him, roy prayed for him. We did not pray for healing, okay, but we left.

Beverly Mesler:

And when I got home, but we left. And when I got home, I was reading a little article about this man who was in a car accident with his wife and he did not know what to do. And he looked up the hill and he saw a house and it had a sign on it that said Dr So-and-so physician. And so the man was so relieved and he picked up his injured wife and carried her to the door. And they knocked on the door and this man opened the door and the husband of the injured woman said we were in an accident, will you help my wife? And the man said, oh, I'm retired.

Beverly Mesler:

I don't do that anymore. And the man said what if you should not call yourself a Christian if you are not practicing what I ask you to do? Because if people, if I go around saying I'm a Christian, then I need to be obedient. So I thank God for my husband. I thank God that he's helping me grow, I thank you for you, my daughter and my other daughter and how you've helped me, too, to not be so self-focused or self-thinking. There's a right and a wrong way. The right way is to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love my neighbor as myself. And the Bible makes it clear who my neighbor is, and the Bible is teaching me how to love.

Laurine Decker:

Yeah, I love that, mom. I think it's so easy to put requirements and judgments on ourself that God's not asking us to behold ourselves. He's saying I see you and you need my spirit because you can't do it. And it's so encouraging because it takes the burden off of our shoulders and I know for myself I had such a burden of performance and such a burden of judgment, really such a a burden of judgment, really such a so many requirements of myself. And it even makes me think of how the Lord is working in this season to continue to strip me of my own conceptions of what I should be in light of others and asking him what is the motive? Is my motive to please you or to please others and then to be kind and have grace for myself, because I have needed a lot of healing.

Laurine Decker:

I really got stuck. I know many of you listeners have heard that I started acting out in an eating disorder when I was pretty young, maybe about 13. And if you know much about using addictive substances or coping mechanisms, it does stunt your emotional growth. And I do think that there is a beauty in how God even allows us to use different things to cope with certain things, because God wants us all to grow, and so I even look at my eating disorder and alcohol dependency as a gift, because I wouldn't be where I am now without having to grow through the surrender. Because I know you said earlier, mom the sin of gluttony or we don't really know how generational sin, or we know what we all have sin in it all is meant to call us to the cross. He's the one that defines it and it's not like people define it. And I think I've spent a lot of time judging my sin based upon external parameters rather than the plumb line of am I loving God? What is separating me from loving God and loving others? Coming back to the truth of just that love God and loving others, coming back to the truth of just that love. And I still will give into the temptation to put a mask on and be not completely authentic before the Lord first and to try to please others, because I am still afraid of judgment or doing the wrong thing or not doing quote right. Going back to that black and white behavior, you know I can still be rigid in my thinking, thinking there's a way I should be acting.

Laurine Decker:

I had the opportunity to confess again the other night, lord, I started sneaking and being deceitful, essentially because I still am afraid of judgment and he loves me. He loves me, and so it's such a cool word that you're speaking, because it doesn't matter how long you've known the Lord, it doesn't matter how much knowledge you do or don't have. I mean, mom, you have a lot of Bible knowledge, I also do. I was raised in that same church my mom was talking about and we learned a lot of verses and we had a lot of theological grounding. But all of that falls away when we come to just saying again here I am, lord, I need you just as much as anybody else. We all need him equally and desperately.

Laurine Decker:

Right this moment, and that's my prayer, my mom and I have actually been talking about it quite a bit, about just the longing that, no matter where we are at in our faith, no matter where you guys are at in your faith, that you will just say again Lord, I need you, I want you. Holy Spirit, show me, teach me. I want to obey, even though sometimes I don't want to. I want to surrender, even though sometimes I don't feel like it. Holy Spirit, help me. You know, and he does it somehow, and he takes us deeper.

Beverly Mesler:

I can remember years ago standing in the kitchen I was the only one at home and I wanted to eat and I had taken a box of cereal. If I remember correctly, this was a long time ago. Maybe I was in my mid-30s or something. And I was in my mid-30s or something and I was so defiant and I can't believe sometimes how I have treated God. Even you know like, okay, you say that you can help me in any temptation, and no temptation has taken me, but such as has into man and you will provide a way of escape. But I'm going to eat this and I don't believe you can do anything.

Beverly Mesler:

And I didn't hear an audible voice that I very definitely knew the spirit was speaking to me saying put it away. Yeah, and I couldn't believe it. And as easy as that. You're going to help me in this temptation if I put it away, and I did, I put the box away and I was blown out of my mind Because he says you have not, because you ask not right, and you know we didn't have a script and I had no idea what I'd be saying and I have really no idea of what I've said, but maybe this will never be heard by anyone, but I appreciate being with you, lorraine. Well, thank you, mom.

Beverly Mesler:

And I did want to say you and your sister introduced me to Oswald Chambers 12 years ago, okay, and I've read him ever since as a devotional, and just a few days ago, in fact, this whole week it seems he's talking about judgment and criticism, okay, and he said on june 17th that christians are the most critical people. Yeah, and that is. That is convicting, because how often do we say, well, I would have done it this way, right, or she should have done it that way, and we do it toward ourselves. I shouldn't have said that. That was a crazy thing. You know, we judge ourselves, we're critical of ourselves, right, or another person, how they're raising their children, or anything Right, and we think those thoughts and Chambers was saying it's a slow process, but you can teach yourself not to be that- way Right.

Beverly Mesler:

And I don't know if I should say this, but we live in an area and sometimes we'll hear gunshots, and the other morning, at 1 o'clock in the morning, we had two bullets come through our house. One o'clock in the morning, we had two bullets come through our house and I could tell that god's at work in me, because my first thought was to ask god to bless the person who fired that gun, because obviously he needs jesus. Yeah, and I have jesus and he's made all the difference in my life. Yeah, for all the things and of course there have been many right, but he's faithful, he's good and he is refining me and he is changing my temperament.

Laurine Decker:

More like his yep, well, I see it, mom, and I know I already said that one of the biggest testimonies and encouragements of my faith is watching you and dad, because I do see the Holy Spirit at work within you and dad and there have been miracles in the past few years. I know because I know my parents and they know me. I say, here and there I'm a long, slow miracle. You know, there are certain things that are instant for us.

Laurine Decker:

My conversion experience that was a miracle in and of itself and there were certain things that were instant, but the rest of the things, it's a long, slow road of sanctification. And it's so cool because you are the age now where you can look back and say you know what. He's proven himself faithful. And you know we all have doubts and fears. I mean my mom and I will sometimes confess we have doubts, fear, anxiety. We're still very human. Doubts and fears. I mean my mom and I will sometimes confess we have doubts, fear, anxiety. We're still very human, you know. But we know now, I know he's faithful and I know he is freeing me every day from more judgment, more pride, more self focus. He is adding to these qualities that it talks about. I think it's in second Peter that end with love, you know, and it starts out with perseverance and you know. And then we have hope and hope. Yeah, all of those things.

Laurine Decker:

It ends up with love not judgment, not a critical spirit, and I was actually talking to one of our other relatives today, and you know our family, I mean we have been a very religious lot. We've had a lot of faith, the legacy of faith that comes with also some misplaced zeal at times, you know, a bit of a pharisaical spirit. And if you don't know who the Pharisees are, they were the religious leaders in the Bible that were the ones that were responsible for crucifying Jesus, and they were so religious and they were so devoted to God and they had misplaced religion and pride and judgment, yes, yes and um, and yet God's the one that opens and closes ears. So how can we judge anyone except for to say Lord, I want to walk with you, jesus, I want to obey, I want to look to you, and so all those other shoulds like we can leave them with him, yeah, yeah, cause we get to be present with him and love him more to the best of our ability by the power of his spirit.

Beverly Mesler:

So yeah, would you mind if I shared why I did this podcast? Sure, no, I would love it. Yeah, and you know what you and I talked about how sometimes they're longer. I would love it, yeah.

Laurine Decker:

And you know what? Uh, I, you and I talked about how sometimes they're longer, sometimes they're shorter, and no, I just I would love for you to share why you did it, and if anyone's still listening, then there'll be. You know what I mean. Like you already said, we don't know. But, mom, I do want to stop before you share and say I really do appreciate you being on here. It is a conversation that well, you're going to share why you did it, but I just really appreciate it and we are you and I know, because we talk and we're friends and I'm your daughter, that we're just showing up to do to testify because we believe I know.

Beverly Mesler:

So, yeah, and it might be just for me or just for you, or we just want to honor god.

Beverly Mesler:

He's so worthy which is a miracle in and of itself, worthy of our praise yes, yeah, but um, the reason I said yes to this podcast is because I was received a text from a young girl. She's 16. She has begun her own podcast and she wants to talk about the fruit of the spirit. And she asked if I would be the speaker about joy. So right away, my self-worth, the way I view myself, plus the enemy knowing where he can come at me, it's like no way can I speak on joy. I would be much better on this trade or this trade or this trade.

Beverly Mesler:

But it's like I thought I don't laugh easily. I don't find a lot of things funny. I'm a pretty serious, melancholy woman, contemplative. And I was telling this to God and he said do you remember this particular incident when your daughter double locked the door and you were so mad at her and you drove the kids to school? And when you came home you sat in the car and you asked me to unlock the door so you wouldn't have to bother your neighbor? And so you went up to the porch, put the key in the door, opened and you were so excited that you got in your car and you drove back to the school and asked your daughter to forgive you for being angry at her.

Laurine Decker:

Was that me or autumn? Do you remember it? Was autumn okay and um.

Beverly Mesler:

Then I had to go in the classrooms of you and your brother because I had lost my temper, because I was so frustrated with the door and I couldn't get the key out of the door. That was the problem. So I had to take the car key, leave the house key in the door while I took you to school. And so when God reminded me of that, he said Do you know how you felt after that? That's joy. And then he would bring up other things.

Beverly Mesler:

Do you remember when you took a book to a woman in a store in the rain? Because I asked you to and you floated out of the store, even though you grumbled into the store? That's joy. And he reminded me time and time and time. And I thought, wow, obedience is joy. Yeah, and I have the fruit of the spirit. I have joy deep in my heart. I have to go deep sometime. So I texted this girl back and I said that I would be glad to speak on joy. So then God said and by the way, she's not asking you to do this podcast, I am because you've been asking me where is your voice now that you're this old, you're not leading a Bible study, you know, and I thought it is you, and I felt so joyful that I answered her that I would be on her podcast, which I have not done yet, and so I texted you right away and said, yes, I will be on your podcast. It's only a year after you asked me but and maybe you won't use it- but I did it.

Laurine Decker:

Well, I'm going to use it. And that brings joy.

Laurine Decker:

And you bring me joy, and I would love to end on that joy and I want to pray for us Mom and for the listeners, and I just want to say, lord, you're good and you do have joy and you do have more, and we want it and we don't need to be ashamed to say it.

Laurine Decker:

I don't need to be ashamed to say I want all of the love and the joy and the peace that you have, all of the things from the spirit, and I want all the unity and I thank you and I praise you because you have done a deep and great work for my mom and me. I know it because I'm a different person and I can receive and love my mom and fill joy with her, and you know that that's a miracle, and so do you, mom. You know that that's a miracle too, because I was pretty shut down. I had a pretty proud, religious, independent spirit and so, lord, I just am so grateful that you keep taking us deeper and I pray that for each one of the listeners. They would know what point you have for them to say, yes, I want more and I will receive it because, lord Jesus Christ, you've won the victory. I pray this in Jesus name, amen, and I don't know if you want to say anything else or I wouldn't mind praying, okay, okay.

Beverly Mesler:

Father, I thank you that you love everyone as much as you love me, and that you know everyone as well as you know me, and also that you have a plan for their life, just as you have for mine, and I pray that many will have ears that hear and a heart that obeys now, and they don't have to wait until they're 78.

Beverly Mesler:

And I thank you that I see you at work in my family. I see you at work in those that criticize themselves, judge themselves for not being who they think they should be. But you see each one of us, exactly as we are at this moment, whether we consider ourselves strong or weak. You're here with us and I thank you so much for your faithfulness and your kindness and your goodness, and also that you've placed us in a family, the family of God, and our God is a father and a son who's awaiting us as his bride, and we have the Holy Spirit. We're in a family and anyone who feels alone may they realize they're in that family, and there are many believers who would love to love them and receive their love. Yes, so thank you that you're a good God. We praise you in your precious son's name and power, amen, amen.