Tiniest of Seeds
"He told me all that I ever did." - the Samaritan woman in John 4:39
Yes, life is messy and integration of Jesus and faith with life often doesn’t look like what we thought it was “supposed” to or think it "should" look like. Are we shocked? We are literally told by Jesus that this life is full of trials. Yet we as we show up we can heal and grow in ALL God promises. He has after all, overcome. We can too.
He saved me. I can’t say it more clearly than that. Yes, Jesus has proven to me to be the ultimate answer. Has it been easy? No. It’s been 25 years of a winding road that he has made straight. As I continue to walk it out, I can’t help but testify - and to talk with others in their own unique places on the discipleship road. How amazing.
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
Tiniest of Seeds
Finding Purpose: Kari Levang Shares Her Heart In the Midst of a (Literal) Desert Season
Chaos? Desert? Confusion? Concern? Trial?
The apostle Pauls says he has learned to be content no matter what. Wow. He went through it all - elevation of personal status to prison, status to disdain. He was a chief persecutor of Christians, and radically found Jesus and peace. It wasn't easy for him either! (Just read Acts and Romans.)
As we align our purpose with God's purpose for us (which by the way is always for our best) and quit seeking external manifestation and validation, we can find a deep sense of joy, peace and contentment. Will we take the Bible at its word? We are promised this, and to stand on this doesn't minimize our humanity or struggles.
This conversation with Kari Levang encourages a disciplined approach to faith without legalism. It encourages practice with grace. It showcases how personal experience and surrender to the Holy Spirit can foster a profound desire for God, worship and his word.
Kari and I chat about her current chaos and reality, and about our continued revelation about our own purpose in similar seasons of life with our ages (mid 50s), but wildly different seasons in circumstance. We are both being driven to our knees in new ways, and finding a greater sense of peace and purpose.
Welcome to the Tiniest of Seeds podcast. Today I'm talking with my friend K friend ri LeVang, and we are talking about purpose. Last week we talked about discipleship and I said I hope to have one of my friends on here to talk about this, and it worked out. I'm so delighted because Carrie has been going through quite a different season and I know has a lot to say about purpose. I want to start by quoting something from the Catechism.
Laurine Decker:Actually, if you don't know what the Catechism is, it's a Catholic reference with questions and answers and of course, they believe in the Bible and in the Lord. We are all one if we have received the salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ. The divisions, the theologies melt away with unity in Christ. So the first question of the catechism is what is the chief end of man? And the answer is the chief end is to glorify God and to fully enjoy him forever. That is our chief end. That is our purpose. And wow, how we struggle. That is so easy to say and I am wondering, keri, if you would open us up. I'm hoping that Keri will talk more than me today, because I know she has really just taken a deep dive into what is my purpose in this season and it has not been easy, I know, because I'm one of her close friends. So, carrie, would you just be willing to sort of take the ball and run with it? And I'm going to ask you a very broad question what is your purpose and how is that being redefined?
Kari Levang:That is a nice big, wide, open question, isn't it? Yes, first of all, I just want to say I love Lorene's podcast. I love her diligence and her obedience and all that. So you're blessed because you're listening. But I said to Lorene before I came this morning I might cry and she was like I'm sorry and great Thanks, we're just going to be who. We are right.
Kari Levang:But I was thinking about purpose a lot. I mean, she's right, I have thought about purpose a lot because I think one of the things that in the Christian community well, I guess I can't speak for everybody else, but I think it's really easy to get in our heads about what our purpose is. And I think when life throws you curveballs which really I'm finding is mostly what happens in life it mostly doesn't go how we plan it in our head. There's often things that happen differently than we anticipate or expect or plan, and so I think I love that you started out with that. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Is that something like that? Yeah, because I think when I can be even just sitting here this morning, allowing that to minister to my soul is so important, and I think what happens for me where my purpose gets wonky in my mind is when I forget that.
Laurine Decker:Right.
Kari Levang:I was thinking this morning, before I came about, how, when I get mixed up about my purpose, it's when I start looking horizontally, when I start looking at what every other person my age is doing or has done, or when I start getting in my head about what I think it should look like for me, then I lose sight of living in the truth about my identity and that my worth is not based on what I do, my worth is based on what he's done. And so I think when I get it gets all convoluted, when I start just looking at the world or my circumstances or my family or my marriage or my job or any of those things that we live in in our bodies today, I think that's when it gets really mixed up and convoluted for me, and then I get in trouble. Totally mixed up and convoluted for me, and then I get in trouble.
Laurine Decker:Totally. Even comparing trials is what it comes to me like to say well, this person's going through more than this dot dot dot. Or well, I shouldn't dot dot dot because my trial this just even minimizing what the trials and tribulations are may be. Because the Bible says we're all going to encounter trials and tribulations and, like you said at the beginning, we have no idea what the heck that looks like. But guess what, when things don't go according to our plan, that can produce a trial? That is our own personal kind of suffering that other people may or may not understand.
Kari Levang:Totally. I think that's really important. I love that you said that about comparison, because I think that our idea of what things should be because, like you said, we are in the middle of a well, we moved, we're coming up on three years and we chose it, and so there's a little bit of meanness even in my own head that I feel like there's no room for you to have any expression of the hard pieces of it, because you chose it so kind of like that whole mean, like well, you made your bed, yes, and it's not like we would even choose anything differently. Necessarily, we both felt like the Lord was leading us to do it, and then things look different than we expected and so there have been some hard pieces to it.
Kari Levang:But right, presently we are in the middle of a remodel that we don't live in Seattle, so remodels in Seattle are different than remodels in Central Oregon. So timelines and expectations and all of those things can get really wonky in the middle of those, and so it really for me, the thing that gets mixed up around. The reason that I'm talking about a remodel is because I kind of grew up in chaos externally and internally as a young person, which is also very weird to talk about when you're 55 years old, that your own story of origin can still have little fingers of impact in our story today. And so chaos around me. Our whole outside is all torn up. Fortunately, the inside isn't yet, but it creates chaos inside of me.
Laurine Decker:Can I put an asterisk on that, because I think that's really important, even though I know Carrie, I've known you for a long time and you have a freedom day where the Lord even did some additional deliverance. Carrie has been very honest. She has a podcast too, called the Spacious Place and it's beautiful, and she has a lot of story on there and has shared very vulnerably about her own journey with counseling and it has been hard fought. So I can say to you listeners, carrie has manifested the new creatureness and also it's been hard fought that walking it out and the walking, the sanctification, deliverance in certain areas, those family of origin, things will circle back around and then all of a sudden we can be thrown back into a confusion or a chaos. That can be unexpected in some ways. But if we are looking and saying, ha, I'm not surprised, then we can get regulated more quickly. It doesn't mean it's not going to cause pain or confusion or discomfort or anxiety.
Laurine Decker:But I just wanted to put a marker on that, keri, because, yeah, you're 54 or 50. How old are you? 55. 55. Oh, yeah, you just had your birthday. I'm 54. I'm a young'un, yeah, but anyway.
Kari Levang:So I just wanted to pause and say that because you guys, keri has fought hard and yeah, and and I think that's really important that you said that, because I was just talking with somebody else recently and I was really struggling and I was crying and just found a place to let my emotions sit and she said something about freedom and I said you know what? I think my definition of freedom has morphed and changed, because I think even that we get an idea of what that should look like. What does freedom look like? And obviously the Bible really talks a lot about freedom, and yet I think freedom for me in this stage of life is more about when I am walking in freedom. What that looks like for me is not that I don't have hard emotions, not that I'm not frustrated, not that I'm not disappointed or any of those things, but there is an increased or enlarged capacity in me to name what they are and have grace for myself in the process of regulating. I love the word regulating because I think regulating is coming right back.
Kari Levang:You know, lorena and I were just talking before or praying. We were just praying before we got started about how there's just always a welcome mat at the feet of God for us. He's always just saying you know what? I know that you're going to walk away. I know that you're going to try to do things on your own. I know that you're going to take on more than I have made you to take on, or your shoulders can't bear those. That's why he says my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Come back and slip your neck in my yoke with me. Let's why he says my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Come back and slip your neck in my yoke with me. Let's carry that together. And so I think even that, like the whole definition of freedom. Maybe I'll talk about that on my podcast again, because I feel like it's really important for us to sit with God around. What does freedom look like for me today?
Kari Levang:Today this moment. Yeah, I think I was free, even when I was in counseling. Yes, I had free places.
Laurine Decker:Yes, and you were a new creature.
Kari Levang:It's already a not yet it was already done, yeah, but living that out and walking that out, I think, is really big. And I think, like I said, in those places where I'm finding myself entangled more frequently because there's chaos. I don't happen to be home right now, but when I am home and there's this chaos going on, it hooks me and I find myself enslaved in some ways to the chaos. It takes me back to the chaos. Yes, it does.
Laurine Decker:Yep, take a word right now from Carrie and from me, if you are willing, because we have fought. And the one essential piece, even as you mentioned, we prayed at the beginning and Carrie prayed better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere. And if there's one thing you take away today, it is to get into the word. Carrie is so diligent about that routine, it's not legalistic.
Kari Levang:No.
Laurine Decker:It is our life to get into the word and to take a moment to praise and surrender, and even that we need the Holy Spirit to call us to. If you just take a moment to say. One thing I'm going to add in my walk as a disciple is to submit and surrender and say Holy Spirit, I need you to help me desire your word. If you don't desire it, no condemnation. Yeah, the discipline of being in to be fed, because I've said Carrie to my listeners before. I love the word now. I had no heart and hunger and thirst for the word and a lot of my life that kept me away. My purpose I knew it was to glorify God and I did not have it in me.
Laurine Decker:I didn't even want it to be honest, I wanted something else and you guys, as I, have continued to show up and say God. You say my chief purpose is to glorify you. Help me by the power of your spirit. He does it, he's transforming.
Laurine Decker:This morning, when I was reading, I was in Psalm 19 and 1 Thessalonians and I loved how Paul said walk more and more. He's put this desire in us. So if you are listening to this podcast, you have a desire for truth because you're listening. Thank you, lord. Grow it in us. We want to walk more and more and I have had to throw off some distractions. I've had this new opportunity to do some content creation and it has been distracting. That's what I was mentioning to you at the beginning, keri. What is my purpose If it is to look at myself, if it is to get external approval because I have had some favor to throw that off and say no, my purpose is to glorify the Lord. It doesn't matter if people are looking at me or understanding certain things about me. What is my purpose? It's not man's approval.
Kari Levang:Yeah, that is so good. Well, I think it's such an important question to just sit with. I was thinking about how grateful I am that your podcasts have sort of this parentheses around them of a word, so that you're staying in the space, and so I think it was so good to just be thinking about spending this time together around this idea of purpose, because I think we can get so unwieldy in our especially if you're female. I think in our minds we can future trip, we can put all the should-haves or should-bes or whatever around the things that we're doing. But, like you said, if we will just be still and get alone with him and say, lord, I'm not there yet, but I want to.
Laurine Decker:I know I want to.
Kari Levang:Like that is such. I think it goes along with what I was thinking this morning before I came. I was thinking about how because I'm staying with my son one of my boys his wife just had their second baby. One of my boys his wife just had their second baby. And I was just thinking about how we have spent hours holding this precious little girl and watching her two-year-old sister and delighting in them. And obviously the two-year-old is doing all manner of two-year-old things. Yeah, she's yelling really loud and she's throwing toys and she's. And then she's also coming over saying oh to her baby sissy, like it's so cute. We're just delighting in it. We're delighting in this little newborn baby. All she does, to be frank, is poop Right, eat and cry. Yeah, she's not doing any her purpose.
Laurine Decker:How old is she?
Kari Levang:now Like a week, yeah, and I don't even think she is a week yet.
Kari Levang:I think she'll be a week soon, anywhere, somewhere in that first week. And I was just thinking about that this morning as I'm holding her, thinking I am just delighting in her and I'm delighting in her sister, who just threw a toy across the room and is frustrated, like really frustrated, and I think that is what God is like. He's like I'm delighting in you because you're you, right where you're at. Your purpose is to keep your eyes on me and even little Davey, like when she's having her little moment of frustration, when she will look back at you and you can just say you're such a sweet little thing, or whatever, right? Or can you take a big deep breath, right? Like it's such a good reminder for me to see them because I can be so hard on me no, kidding and think you're not doing enough. I know, right, you're doing the wrong thing or you haven't done enough. If you would just do this, or whatever. The thing is where God is saying can you just look at me, right? Can you take a deep breath?
Laurine Decker:Yes, I'm delighted in you.
Kari Levang:Yes, and that's not to say that there aren't times that God is saying I'm expecting more of you yes, right, absolutely Of course he does.
Kari Levang:But there are moments where we just need to look him in the eye. It makes me think of turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and his grace. I don't have to muster it up, right. I don't have to work hard to receive it no, we don't. I can just turn my eyes and my thoughts toward Him. Like you said, whether that's in the Word, whether that's in worship, just a moment of singing a song of adoration to Him or praying. I love when you started praying and you said Lord, here we are in your presence, just for a minute, quietly.
Laurine Decker:Even if that's all you do, that moment of surrender, it's enough. Yes, when I interviewed Jeff and Kate quite a while ago about look, the power of choice and we have this power to look back to Jesus we have that choice. He's given us free will we do.
Kari Levang:That's what.
Laurine Decker:That is our only job to receive what he has done. He is the one that, even then, moves and works, and the Holy Spirit is the one that gives us the power to walk and to desire and to hunger and thirst. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. I said that last week when I talked about discipleship. I think we make it way too hard.
Kari Levang:We do, and some seasons are running, seasons where he has said this is the way, walk in it. And then we're walking in it and other seasons. He's saying no, actually, this waiting is a gift. Yes, rest, wait, I'm giving you a gift.
Laurine Decker:Going back, I love Hebrews I think it's Hebrews 4 that says today is the day of salvation. And then it says don't harden your hearts. And then it says strive to enter his rest. And that really is the only striving I want to do anymore to draw all that expectation, to strive to receive that rest, which is different than what the world offers, because we can have that rest even in the midst of honestly anxiety, negative emotions. We can look back to Jesus and know that that, even like you were talking at the beginning about the confusion and chaos, that is not our reality. It might feel like our reality, but it is not our reality.
Kari Levang:I totally agree and I think striving for rest it feels different because it's striving for a person instead of striving to find the Lord, yeah, instead of striving to accomplish something that you think is going to please him or you think is going to give you some kind of gratification.
Laurine Decker:Yeah, because he's pleased with us. I love that you said that. I love that illustration of Davey.
Kari Levang:Yeah, it's just so good. And I think when I get he does that often for me when I get out of sync with him, like I've lost my cadence, my rhythm is out of step, he will often remind me, like tell me how you feel about your kids. How do you feel when you think about Paige? How do you feel when you think about Tate, andrew, david, courtney, hannah, matt? They literally don't have to do anything still and they're grown up humans. They do things, obviously. We're adults and we annoy each other, whatever. But if I just sit and think about them, I just am delighted. I'm often just thinking, I'm flooded with thoughts of things I love about them, and it's hard for me to remember that that's what God does when he thinks about me, and I think that's normal. I think that we can. Often we're the best critics of our life, and so I think it's easy for us to go down that train of thinking rather than pausing and going back to Abba.
Laurine Decker:Right. That's where you know some of the things in the Bible that seem so unattainable, like pray without ceasing, or in everything give thanks, or if there's anything good, pure and lovely. Set your mind on these things and taking captive every thought that sets itself up against knowledge of Christ, and I love that knowledge of Christ. What is preventing me from knowing Christ's truth about me, right where I'm at?
Kari Levang:Yeah.
Laurine Decker:The truth is he loves me, he accepts me, he doesn't condemn me. He says you're enough, you're perfect right now in him. Listeners, you are too Receive that. I pray and hope that the listeners can receive that in a fresh way. We are enough and I still battle with not feeling like enough. So much I know you know, carrie, because I reached out for prayer was not feeling like enough. So much I know you know, carrie, because I reached out for prayer I was so battling my OCD and anxiety. It's been about three or four days now. I was so full of fear. I was so afraid I was going to go back to that old pattern of being. You know where I get stuck in these OCD loops and I feel like I'm powerless. Well, guess what I am? His power is perfected in my weakness and I'm so grateful to be able to recognize now. You guys, what a joy Paul says I will gladly boast about my weakness. I am so grateful now for my OCD.
Kari Levang:You're really good at it.
Laurine Decker:I'm so grateful for my food addiction, my alcohol misuse. I'm so grateful because you know what it has done, driven me back to the cross, to the chief purpose of glorifying God. Maybe that sounds spiritually, I don't care, because it's the truth. I can't help but testify because he is working out in me more presence and joy and peace, and I have a full house right now. Carrie knows that I've had some circumstances where my house is overflowing all the time right now, and so I'm a little bit opposite from Carrie. She has been in this kind of a wilderness without a lot of people and I've been in an overabundance of people and there's a joy in that.
Laurine Decker:But that's really been taking me to a deeper point for my own conviction about what is my purpose. It's to love God and to love others. Can I serve? Can I give up my routines and regulations Because I've gotten real comfortable having all the time in the world to read the Bible? How holy of me, right, seriously, jesus is saying it. But it's not about that. It's about giving glory to me. And are you going to love and serve, give thanks, pray without ceasing, have gratitude for all of these people that are coming in and out of your home right now. It's so humbling it is. I'm like okay, lord, I am selfish, I am enslaved to my routines and regulations. Right now, where I have been and I'm learning more and more. What is my purpose? It's to glorify God.
Kari Levang:This minute Right, and I love that because I think that the tendency at this stage of life is to get very routine and to get comfortable in your routine. I feel like being up here. So I've been here for I guess it'll be two weeks on Saturday, so I don't know 10 or 12 days, something like that, and so of course, routine is thrown off, like my regular routine is thrown off, which of course it would be, and it's fine, but it was either yesterday or the day before. I felt like the Lord said can you trust me with what I've already deposited?
Laurine Decker:Yeah, yeah, right.
Kari Levang:Like you have the Holy Spirit. Yes, you've made lots of deposits Right. You've met with me together. Yes, we've had lots of time together. You can draw from those. Right and say you'll be done and it's good enough, just keep talking to and it's great, and it's been really great, but I totally get it. It's again. That's freedom.
Laurine Decker:Right, that's freedom.
Kari Levang:The freedom is being able to come back to. Yes, there's nothing saying like you need to have that half hour in the word Right, it's be yoked to me. Right, be yoked Alive in me. Walk and talk with Jesus.
Laurine Decker:Yeah, and I love how Jesus walked and talked with the Father and then he withdrew when he needed to. It wasn't all the time, it wasn't for a set time. He didn't do it at 6 am every morning. His life was hidden with Christ and God and he withdrew when he needed to. His deposits were there, he was able to walk and talk.
Kari Levang:I thought you said at first, he walked, withdrew and I was like wait, who's drew? I haven't.
Laurine Decker:Yeah, what did I?
Kari Levang:say he withdrew he withdrew.
Laurine Decker:Yeah, he withdrew. Yeah, no, it's true, he was the cure in the deposits, and that's what I'm like. Okay, lord, I have prayed, your will be done. Is that enough? Yeah, is that enough.
Kari Levang:Right, can I?
Laurine Decker:hold that with open hands instead of yes, of yes. Yeah, I love that and I'm learning new patterns with that. What is my purpose? It's to be present to the lord, and I know, I say that all the time. To love god, first and greatest commandment. To love god, to love, I love that he made it so simple.
Kari Levang:Oh, it's like we're the ones who complicate it make it so complicated.
Laurine Decker:I've got to do this, this, this. It's got to look like this, this, this, and yeah, it's externally judged right, my own external voice, yeah, or internal voice in external situations, circumstances whatever.
Kari Levang:This morning I was reading because today's the third I was reading out of Proverbs 3 because my routine's disrupted and so I can go to some of those easy things, like I'll do that. So I had been in Psalm 98 and then I went to Proverbs 3, and I felt like I sort of bathed in this very familiar portion of the proverb where the Lord was very specific to me, like here's your part and here's my part. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your, your and lean, not on your own, your own understanding.
Kari Levang:In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. Okay, so that's a very specific here's your part. You trust in me, acknowledge me, right? Don't lean on your own understanding. Here's what you do, here's what you don't do. It's pretty simple, and it wasn't the whole entire proverb, it was one verse or two verses, and then what his part? My part isn't to make my path straight. My part isn't to do any of those things.
Kari Levang:My part is to lean in and to trust and acknowledge him in my circumstances, and then entrust the timing, entrust the way that it plays out, all of those things to him. And trust is hard, it really. It takes faith to trust To live in a place where it's like, okay, I'm not going to manage that, I'm not going to ruminate over it, I'm not going to because even just this morning. So Mike went home a day early, or he went home not a day. He went home yesterday, traveled on labor day, which wasn't ideal, but he really wanted to be up to see the baby. But he's been waiting for contractors to come, so they said they'd be there at 7 30 this morning. They didn't show up. So then he contacts them and says, what time are you going to be here? And they're like, oh, we're not coming today. And he's like, well, that's really a bummer, because I could have stayed with my kids and grandkids another day, had you been better, and so I had to.
Kari Levang:I instantly was annoyed, irritated. My timeline's off. That's rude, which is fair, right, which is fair, right. At the same time, I can either let that ruin my day, right, and be frustrated that then it's gonna prolong things, or I can go okay, lord, you're not surprised by that, right, and I can hold on to it loosely.
Kari Levang:I can be frustrated and at the same time, go okay, lord, you're also in charge of the weather, right? So the weather's gonna turn, turn bad when it's going to turn bad, and so I know that sounds silly, but those are the circumstances of my life, and so I think sometimes, just whatever the circumstances, I also have another pregnant daughter-in-law who is not quite 40 weeks yet, frustrated, wants to have that baby soon, and she probably at the same time, is going to be even more frustrated when that baby comes and is crying and she's not sleeping. But you know what I mean. Like God sees all of it, he's not in a hurry, he's never late and we can go okay. I'm frustrated in my humanity and at the same time, how can I live today according to what? And let myself be frustrated if I want to be and at the same time be like he knows? He knows.
Laurine Decker:Sounds so simple when you say it like that, and then I think how often I forget. And then I get to confess my mistrust and say Lord, god, help my faith. I do have faith of a mustard seed. Give me more. I need more faith, apparently, because I have entered back into anxiety, irritation, frustration, and I always say there's no condemnation in that I get to fill my feelings. It's not a stuffing of my feelings, it's a recognition that his purpose is for me to glorify him and trust him. So I have a choice.
Kari Levang:Well, and I also think to allow when your life gets disrupted, even if it's a good disruption.
Laurine Decker:Allow when your life gets disrupted, even if it's a good disruption, whatever the disruption is to be like okay, well, it makes sense that I would revert back to old ways, yes, like to the OCD pattern. In fact, that was what the Lord was ministering to me today, was you know? To be honest, it's felt really good to have some favor. I have been in a season where I have felt like I have been despised for some of my gifts for a long time. It hasn't felt easy to show up and testify and feel like no one cares whatever, and so I continue to confess and say no, lord, you tell me to testify and to use my gifts. I'm going to keep doing them.
Laurine Decker:But do you remember I showed up on TikTok for like two years straight and prophesied and testified and read the word and got very few likes, very little acclaim. In fact, I did feel so real despising from certain people, judgment and embarrassment, and I knew I was just like no Lord, I'm throwing off that man pleasing. And now, it's so funny, I'm getting to do this little bit of content creation. I was hired. I'm not an influencer, I just get to do some little ads for some little fun products I actually like and I'm getting some favor. And it's so tempting to then look and look for that favor to feel good and it's embarrassing to say to want to look at my image to think oh, I'm okay because people like me oh, whatever, you know, keri, and so I'm okay.
Laurine Decker:Because people like me oh whatever, you know, carrie, and so I'm just confessing that to you listeners too. No, I want to glorify the Lord. I have practiced testifying. Now I get to show up and get paid.
Kari Levang:Yeah.
Laurine Decker:The Bible says you know to be paid, and I quit my job four years ago, boy, you know, I thought my purpose was one thing. I thought I was going to be doing this one thing with my twin sister. The Lord has had different plans, and I mentioned last week that we co-wrote this devotional together, and who knows if it will even be published. I have no idea. But guess what? That's not my purpose.
Kari Levang:Right? Well, I think it goes back to what we were saying in the beginning too. Like where are we setting our eyes? Where are we setting our eyes? Looking horizontally at all the likes, the criticism, all the things there that tell us you're not enough? Or are we just going? No, actually I'm going to look up, just like you said. Like how can I turn back and look back to him? Because I think that really is our purpose. That's our purpose. Our purpose is to be good looker, backers, to glorify him, yeah, and let him set our hearts at ease, remind us who we are live in today, yes, and remember that his image is already in us. Yeah, we don't have to muster it up or work harder to make it be seen. We just get to look back when we make it cloudy.
Laurine Decker:Yes, I love that. I'm thinking about how Carrie's doing some writing and it's been a. It's a heart project and we don't know what the future holds for Carrie. She is also a speaker and has gotten to share her story and does it beautifully, and we don't know what the future holds for that either, but God does that's right.
Laurine Decker:But I'm thinking of Psalm 139, where it says he knit you together in your mother's womb. And then I'm thinking too of he's the author and the perfecter. And when you think about a good story, there's always that conflict and there's protagonists and antagonists, there's trials. It wouldn't be a good story if we didn't have bad stuff in there. And what is the purpose? It is, ultimately, that the author and the perfecter knows that we are brought to completion in Christ. He's going to work out what he started. He says you'll bring it to completion, that's right. And so I just love the mess and I've come to be able to say that, keri, yeah. And I don't want to say bring it on, but I am learning that those trials, those tribulations, the mess, yeah, it's beauty from ashes, man, yeah it really is.
Kari Levang:It's crazy all the little illustrations for that Like, if you think about, like, if your kids ever I think it's mostly boys that experience this, I think, I don't know, maybe girls do too but the whole growing pains thing, like it's terrible at the moment but it's producing something, it's growing and maturing us to new places and we need it. We are so mixed up about what, like the girls Paige's girls just got. They didn't get butterflies, they got these little caterpillars for their birthday, oh cute. And then they Like live caterpillars, yeah, they come in the mail and they get this little net box thing and then they cocoon, oh wow. And then they turn into butterflies and what do you do with them? And then you set them free. Yeah, you get five of them.
Kari Levang:And so it's been so cool to go through that process. Watch, especially Winnie, of course she's five, but just watching that process and how God set that up that way. And then they fly. And it's so cool because I think we forget, like if the girls put their little hands in there and pried open those cocoons too soon, that butterfly would not be able to soar the way it was intended to, and so we forget, like there's seasons of cocooning. I feel like I've sort of been in this cocoon season for a while and I want to pry it open and fly in the ways that I think I'm supposed to fly and he's like no, that it's okay. It's okay for you to stay in a cocoon Like this.
Laurine Decker:Cocoon is a gift and it has a purpose Let me parent you God says yeah, and he says unless we're like children, going back to that, what you're talking about earlier, yeah.
Laurine Decker:I know I've said before I think that in our culture we often think, oh, I'm adult, yep, when actually it's like okay, my parents raised me and now guess, who gets to parent me? God, he's the one that grows us up with one another, and that's where the sibling I have talked a lot about reparenting with Carrie. There's a few other women who I've been really reparenting with and we get to be siblings in the kingdom of the Lord and I'm so grateful for that growth that I'm learning. The cocoon is okay, it's beautiful, it's a gift. I don't have to be more than I am. I don't have to be ahead of where I'm at. Hallelujah, he's relieved, I'm relieved Hallelujah.
Kari Levang:Yes, I'm right there in the relieved space with you. It's so good, so good Wow.
Laurine Decker:Well, we've talked a while. Is there anything you want to wrap up with, Keri?
Kari Levang:Well, I was just thinking that maybe I would wrap up with that verse that I referred to in the beginning Proverbs 3, 5, and 6, out of the message. Oh, I love it, because sometimes I think the message will kind of I don't know, I don't know what it does, but I kind of like it. Sometimes I kind of like Eugene's voice. He says trust God from the bottom of your heart and don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go. He's the one who'll keep you on track. But then I like he goes on to say don't assume that you know it all. I feel like I need that. I think I know it all and I try to tell God what to do. He says run to God, run from evil. Your body will glow with health. Your very bones will vibrate with life.
Laurine Decker:I love that.
Kari Levang:Let's do it. Let's run to him and run from evil, yes, and not think we know it all, but trust the one who does. Amen, just, moment by moment, moment by moment. Yeah, so good.
Laurine Decker:I'm going to close in a prayer. Lord, yes, you know us. You know us. We don't even know our hearts. You know us. You created us. Lord, may Carrie and I, and every person listening to this podcast, know you more.
Kari Levang:Yep.
Laurine Decker:Fill us with your spirit. We want to know you. We want to glorify you. Yeah, pray this in Jesus' name. Amen, yep, fill us with your spirit.
Kari Levang:We want to know you, we want to glorify you. Yeah, pray this in Jesus' name, amen. Amen.