Accidentally on Purpose
Explore the intricacies of life, love, and growth through candid conversations and thought-provoking topics! Welcome to the Accidentally on Purpose Podcast where we aim to live intentionally even when life seems accidental
Accidentally on Purpose
Date or Die Trying
What happens when a devoted husband from Houston finds himself suddenly single in the vibrant dating scene of San Diego? Join me on the Accidentally On Purpose podcast as I recount my rollercoaster journey from married life to navigating the chaotic waters of Southern California's dating pool. Through humorous tales of botched dates and a particularly embarrassing drunken birthday video, I reveal the often-shared struggles of modern dating. This candid exploration isn't just about mishaps, but also about the significance of focusing on personal growth and self-improvement rather than competing with past partners.
As the conversation unfolds, I dive into the complexities of self-discovery following a long-term relationship. Discover how finding one's true self, adjusting expectations, and learning from past love stories can pave the way to a more fulfilling partnership. I discuss the invaluable role of therapy in boosting communication and emotional intelligence, stressing the importance of respect and integrity. From reflecting on community engagement to the power of voting, this episode is not just about personal growth but also about fostering strong community values. Plus, don't miss my live R&B sessions where we vibe to 90s classics and mashups, bringing together rhythms and community spirit.
Thank you, man. Listen, it's been one hell of a weekend. It's higher. I'm now at the age where I can run for president. But, more importantly, kid, kid's engaged Boy B-Trop. He's in a prowl Somewhere in this world. There is an unhappy woman tired of her man shit and the way my dating life is going. I'm going to be the space filler. There is an unhappy woman tired of her man shit and the way my dating life is going. I'm gonna be the space filler. She gonna get with me and leave me to go back to that nigga. Unfortunately, I'm gonna delete this as soon as I wake up. So if you see this, you seeing me in rare, rare form, you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.
Speaker 2:Yo, what is going on? Welcome to the Accidentally On Purpose podcast. Today is Wednesday, august 9th. Greatly appreciate you guys for joining me again. Find me everywhere at 1KenanHall, on all socials. You can also follow the new YouTube page. It's there as well. Looks like we got some things going on. Man Video will be soon, but yeah, once again, man, welcome back. Accidentally On Purpose podcast, where we explore the intricacies of life, love and growth. Video will be soon, but yeah, once again, man, welcome back. Accidentally on purpose podcast, where we explore the intricacies of life, love and growth through candid conversations and thought-provoking topics, once again at one kenyan hall. So y'all probably already know how today's episode is gonna go. Considering that intro video from the uh, from the, the voice of yours truly, that was on my birthday. That was 2022, july 8th. I was about seven months in maybe longer than that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was about no almost a year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was about 11 months in here, living in San Diego as a newly single man, had gone through a divorce and a lot of loss in Houston, and when I moved out here I tried to hit the ground running. I called myself, dating everything like an idiot and at that time, as you can hear in the video, I was. I was a little gone. It was my birthday. So, yeah, I'm sure I had had several shots of tequila. So, yeah, man, I think my heart was going through it. I was going through the ringer at that time and after that that video was fresh off of me going on one of the worst dates in my life, probably the worst three dates. It was like boom, boom, boom, back to back to back. It was terrible, man, and I played that video because I had, I had recently posted it on threads and it got a pretty good response and people wanted to know. You know the story.
Speaker 2:I think some people misconstrued or whatever. I honestly think we have a literacy problem in the United States of America because I wasn't speaking about a specific person, I was just more or less, you know, saying this is what's going on and this is probably my fate because I just can't seem to win. You know, a lot of women think that the dating pool sucks. Just for them. Nah, there's a lot of piss and fart juice in the, in the mail. You know, for us too, as men looking for women, dating pools terrible, is very terrible.
Speaker 2:So, like I said, I was, I was fresh out of, uh, you know, being with one person married about a little over two years. We was together about seven and, yeah, man, you move out here and Southern California is different. It's a lot different than Houston. I moved out here with single eyes. I was not used to that. I was a very committed married man, never once stepped out or thought about stepping out. So I saw things a little differently. First I was, you know, I was, a church committed married man, never once stepped out or thought about stepping out. So I saw things a little differently. First I was, you know, I was a church boy, went to church several times a week On Sunday. I was there all day, was the youth leader and just was always around. You know that kind of crowd and that kind of people.
Speaker 2:So you know, when I moved here to California and I saw women wearing wife beaters with no, no bra and you know, just like the, the most revealing things I'm like oh no, let me go back to the Bible belt. I don't know if I can handle all of this man and sure enough I turned into a serial dater, mess around with these stupid apps. So I'm here today to tell y'all, you know, some best practices on what to do and what not to do. It worked for me. It may not work for you, but from a man's perspective, you know, I went through some of those, those same things and the dating pool man. So, like I said I was, I had had like maybe like three, maybe even more than that, three, four days of just terrible, terrible, terrible things. So I go into the story about a few of them and cue my music up.
Speaker 2:So when I moved out here, I was determined from, or I was determined like to operate from, a place of spite. I don't know why I was so committed to that, but unfortunately I was. I wanted to outdo my ex and, um, you know, whatever she was doing, who she was with, which is a very, very bad idea, because instead of me developing myself, I was so fixated on what she was doing. Mind you, we had no contact. We haven't spoke since. You know, before I, before I left, I packed my car up and she said hey, you're not going to tell me where you're going and I'm not your enemy and I'll always love you Stuff like that. And I said no, I just pray to God we never cross paths again. Maybe that was rude or crude or the wrong thing to say, but that's how I was feeling and I thank God answered my prayers because we have not crossed paths and I thank him for that.
Speaker 2:So, moving forward, so, um, prior to the video at the beginning my birthday. You know the drunk rant where I'm like man, I'm just gonna be a placeholder. The very first date I went on here in San Diego and y'all can go back and listen to prior episodes if you want more of the story I went on a date. Actually, let's back up. First off, it's very hard finding a black woman in this city, like beyond hard. It should be like some kind of trigonometry algebraic equation that ain't even been thought of yet. Like this is the highest degree of engineering that I've ever had to overcome was finding a black woman. But I did and we've been rocking, you know, since march 9th of 2023 and um, she will be the future mrs hall. Just want to put that out there because I know she's going to listen to this and her stomach may turn at some of these stories. So just know that this was before you.
Speaker 2:But yeah, went on a date with a woman and her husband showed up. Mind you, her husband tried to set her on fire the day before. Didn't tell me why. That's just how I want some women are out here. I guess I quickly figured out with her it wasn't going to work and I probably was just a dinner meal for her Second date.
Speaker 2:I went on One date with a woman. You know, I thought she was just this upstanding woman of God. She had the scripture in her description of her IG page. Turns out she wasn't living, nothing like that. She believed in polyamorous relationships and she had even got in a car, high Like and not weed high, because I'm cool with weed, you know I indulgege. This was a different kind of high.
Speaker 2:This was that lindsey lohan, that christina aguilera, you know whatever jeezy, and I'm saying that song. It was that nose candy and it it took me for a shock because I, where I'm from, we don't. You know, we ain't indulging. I ain't never seen nobody do no shit like that ever in my life. I didn't. I didn't know what to do or like I don't know. I'm still kind of speechless. I can't believe. I seen a black woman in front of me snorting lines and I was like no, I can't, I can't, I can't do this.
Speaker 2:So fast forward. Uh, to the, to the straw that broke the camel's back. Well, what I thought broke the back because I did go on some dates after the birthday rant, and I'll talk about those at a later date. But that was a little more control. But this one, um, I ended up meeting another young lady on hinge and, um, everything was cool. I just forgot and negated the fact to ask her about her belief system. So we at this restaurant Eating, I pray over the food, and she got Irate, went off on me For praying over the food, said God Wasn't important to her. Turns Out she was the cousin Of Neo's ex and was telling me all these nefarious Things about you know, homie, that I don't Even want to know about. But it's crazy, cause some Of that shit is coming out now. We'll talk about that at a later date.
Speaker 2:It didn't really work out for me, man, and um, you know. So I left that date like you know what? I'm just going to save my money and I'm going to focus on myself. And I realized that that was a lie. I wasn't occupied by time. You know those space fillers for those moments of weakness, you know they say, well, not they, but scripture says an idle mind is a devil's playground. And I'm here to tell you that that is true.
Speaker 2:So I go on those three failed days, man, and I get to the ranting piece of you know, my birthday video, what I play at the beginning of this pod episode, where I just thought I was determined just to be a placeholder for women, whether they wanted dinner or somebody to talk to, because I just could not even find nobody. You know, even even prior to those three days, or within those three days, you know, I was on different sites and matching with different women, but none of our, none of our belief systems lined up. You know, I had a woman tell me she only accepted rooftop dinners, but she didn't have a car. So I'm like shit, the math don't math, man. And it was just, it just became like a place of redundancy for me. You know, I got in, I got in a place where I just got tired of, like, the shallow surface level redundancy. It got to the point where I didn't care about her favorite color, that whack ass white toenail polish, the revealing IG pics showing nothing but TNA and them trips to Tulum, because I didn't already did all that, I didn't already been all these places, and that was another thing that I noticed.
Speaker 2:Being married, I had traveled and saw the world and I had different experiences. So it was almost like I was shit, like a PhD student talking to an eighth grader. You know like logically that's wrong and that's statutorily wrong, but the mindset is what I'm saying, like it was just we just wasn't on the same level. And these are women that you know were around my same age and you know I just got tired of the surface level redundancy. You know, I just wanted to know.
Speaker 2:I women say this a lot. They have to dumb down their standards, but so do men. There's just as much piss in the dating pool for men as it is for women, I promise you. I got to the point where I just wanted to know do you love God, do you go to the dentist twice a year and can you be an asset to my life and be my teammate. We'll figure out the rest. I didn't care about your size. Like I didn't you know criminal history. Like, okay, you got a few misdemeanors Cool, do you love God? Can we repent and move on Like I just didn't care. I had lowered my standards so much, man, and it was. It was just like a terrible, terrible time for me.
Speaker 2:So when I posted the video on threads of me ranting, at the beginning I said it was a reverse manifestation, because I didn't see this while I was in it, because I was struggling. But, man, you know, you fat, I fast forward from that time to later on. It was at March 9th, 2023, where I met my now girlfriend. I had to go through all of that. So my message here today is to just take it day by day, moment by moment. You know, try to enjoy the process, because coming out of being committed or being married or just seriously dating for one person in a monogamous fashion for a very long time, you got to relearn yourself. You got to figure out what you like, you got to figure out what you don't like, and I truly had to go through all of those failed dates and communications and things like that to arrive to where I am now communications and things like that to arrive to where I am now.
Speaker 2:You know a man that is healed and hold and is work, has worked and continue to work on myself because I've been in therapy since 2018, consistently, biweekly, you know, and I think it's done wonders to me my communication patterns, my temperament, things like that. You know I'm still working on the self-esteem and all of that. But, yeah, man, long story long, you got to go through those things. If you want to get to, my daddy always say you got to. You got to do what you don't want to do to get to where you want to get to in life.
Speaker 2:And I personally believe that I had to go through all of those things and deal with these Southern California shallow women not all, but all the ones I ran into where I had to deal with that man because I had to really understand, like, what do I? Like I even had to do, you know, little things. Like men and this is to the men only, men only, actually. No, this could apply to both men and women you got to love yourself enough to not embarrass the person you are with, whether that's a woman or a man, or you know, man on man, woman or woman, whatever. Whatever you're into, love yourself enough to not embarrass them. You got to be mindful of scrolling, liking other people's posts, or you know comment interactions. All of that Because if you don't honor your relationship this is what I learned If you don't honor your relationship, don't expect somebody else to control your lustful eye and your sexual appetite, your sexual appetite, and you will see wonders of how God will bless you.
Speaker 2:I promise you. I'm telling you what I know, not what I think. It has done wonders for me. The moment that I unlocked controlling my lust and my, my, like, my sexual behaviors, I was able to just open a new portal of blessings, it seems, and ever since then, like things have just been flowing, you know, endlessly in my life, even during the times where I don't see it and I act unappreciative. I truly believe I'm in a successful relationship, relationship right now, because I am fixated and focused on one person and I focused on myself first and I took my time and we both arrived at getting to know each other, healed people, you know from both of our situations. So I really think it'll help. Man, don't men really stop me. Stop embarrassing women out here, especially the black women. No shade to any other race, but you know I'm always going to favor that one over the other one. You know?
Speaker 2:Um, another thing that I learned, and I'll say this before I wrap this up uh, I'm going to be, won't be before you long. Don't waste your energy on a small arguments or minute disagreements. Eventually you'll need that energy. Here's a case in point. Eventually you'll need that energy. Here's a case in point.
Speaker 2:So I met my girl when she was At the tail end of the Freezing her eggs process or maybe it may have been the middle and it dawned on me, had this been the former person that I was with, we would have been arguing. You know, that's all we did. It was always Me and her, it wasn't a we. You know we never agreed on anything. So don't waste your energy on the small arguments or the minute disagreements, because eventually you'll need that energy to be strong for each other. Like I said when my lady started um going through her uh, egg freezing and retrieval process, I'm just grateful that we got along because I had the strength as a man to be there for her on those painful days where she didn't feel like walking or driving or picking up things and you know where she couldn't do for self. You know so life is short, but it really ain't about how long you live is how well you live. And to this day I'm grateful that I went through all the failed date attempts and I'm living with intent to marry, I'm dating with intent to marry and we are living well and we're just blessed.
Speaker 2:And I'm telling you, if you are coming out of something, don't be in a rush to get to something else. Don't believe that saying the best way to get over somebody is to get underneath someone else, because all you're doing is creating soul ties With somebody that ain't even God didn't even design to be attached to your soul. I'm not telling you what I know. I mean what I think. I'm telling you what I know. Trust me, if I could save anybody time, energy and money Out of all that that I've wasted hey, man, you don't owe me nothing. Just shoot me a thank you, because I promise you it ain't nothing. Nothing to be in a rush and focus on yourself. Like I always say when we close a pod, you got to love yourself so we can love each other and then have a value society, man. So that is the tidbit from today. Appreciate y'all listening to your boy. Yeah, man, that's a crazy story.
Speaker 2:So I just wanted to hop on here real quick and explain that video that I posted, because I understand literacy is at an all-time low here in the united states of america. We got to do a better job of reading. So, uh, also another like listen, man, when I post something about relationships. Listen, I'm kind, but I'm really not a nice person like I'm. I'm not gonna give you and I'm talking to some of the ladies that have, uh, you know, posted some some choice things under my posts. You know, like I wish we lived in the same city or I wish I had a man like you.
Speaker 2:Hey, ma'am, excuse me, did you not see the post above? Did you not see the pinned video of the love of my life and my future wife? Don't, don't disrespect me or her, like that. I'm like I said, I'm kind but I'm not nice. I'm not available to anybody. All right if you ain't, if you're not the person that I'm with, I'm not. I don't want to say her name because I don't know if I want her name. I don't know if she wants her name out there, like that she got a big time corporate job.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I'm taking, I'm spoken for, I'm very happy I'm not to to. I guess finding somebody for you. I could tell you what to look for as a man, as, being on both sides, I've been a fuck boy and you know I've done the fucking. So I guess I just said the same thing there, but y'all get what I'm saying. Moral of the story is I'm not available. I have a woman. I'm very happy, we're getting married, we're going to have a boatload Well, not a boatload we're going to have some kids and we're going to have land and we're going to have access to black culture and all that other good stuff. So, yeah, if you come under a post with genuine questions, cool, I might answer them.
Speaker 2:But don't get it twisted. I'm a kind person but I'm not nice. Everybody ain't got access to me and I feel like that's what a lot of a lot of men get. You know, get uh mixed up. You know you can kind of get in the trick bag with you know um, people commenting on your posts and boosting you up and things like that. Like, I'm not looking for validation, I'm dedicated to my woman. I'd rather be dedicated than validated. So you know I talked about that on the last pod, so once again I'm not available. I'm just here to share my story and get out the way, and if it helps you, cool. If it don't, that's cool too. Tell a friend to tell a friend, as long as it touches one person and they can learn from it. That's all I need, man. I don't need all the validation and don't be trying to. You know, shoot your your halfway shot and things like that, because it's gonna break every time. Excuse me, love not for sale.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, appreciate y'all joining me today. I didn't want to take too much of the time, I just want to get on here and explain that story because I had posted it, uh, last week. So, man, y'all follow me at one kenyan hall, everywhere, um youtube, twitter or x threads, um instagram, everywhere. Man, pray for this country, pray for florida. You know I don't like how they're trying to politicize the hurricane. I just hope everybody is safer on the way to being safe. And, yeah, get out there and make sure you're registered. I know I am sending my absentee ballot in today. And, yeah, man, also check out Heavy on the R&B. That's the last announcement that I have Going live Wednesdays and Sunday nights, man click the link in the bio Playing nothing but good R&B, especially the 90s R&B, and a few mashups. So yeah, thanks for joining today. Please Place value in yourself so we can place value in each other and we'll have a value society, peace.