Dating 101 | A Cautionary Tale

Serial dating can look like confidence from the outside, but it can feel like chaos when you are living it. After my divorce, I moved to San Diego and hit the ground running, thinking new faces and new nights would fix what I was feeling. Instead, I walked straight into modern dating culture shock, temptation, and a string of situations that ranged from hilarious to genuinely unsafe.

I break down the real “dating after divorce” learning curve: showing up with flowers when you should not, getting pulled into hookah sections with outrageous bills, and realizing how often people are hiding the truth. I also get specific about dating apps, including why I rank Hinge and Bumble differently, what it’s like building a profile when you do not even have solo pictures, and how easy it is to become a serial dater who burns time, money, and emotional energy. Along the way, I talk boundaries, self-preservation, and the red flags that finally forced me to stop ignoring my own standards.

Then the story flips. On New Year’s Day, I wake up feeling empty and I get honest about what was really driving me: vengeance. I share the prayer, the uncomfortable self-accountability, and the moment I finally let go. After deleting the apps, I jump back on for one day and meet the woman who is now my fiancée, starting with a first date at Sunset Cliffs that felt calm, direct, and grown. I close with K-Way’s gripes on the state of R&B today and why love, heartbreak, and church roots still matter.

Tap play, then subscribe, share this with a friend who is dating tired, and leave a review if it hits home. What is one boundary you wish you set sooner?

Transcript

Cold Open And Set-Up

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Right now, we could have a magic school bus inside of us and we wouldn't even know it. Let's start the show. What is going on, everybody? Welcome back. Welcome back. Man, I can't believe this. This is this is crazy. Time is moving fast. Welcome back to another episode of Heavy on the Arm Be with Kway. I am the creator, the curator,

Divorce Freedom And A Warning

SPEAKER_00 2:14

the professional inappropriate commentator. I run this thing, and this is my podcast. We take a deep dive into all things, man. Society and culture, love, marriage, and everything in between, man. I'm just giving you the rhythms and the blues of life, of my life. Hence the name Heavy on the RB. What you just heard was the sounds of one of my goats. That is Joe. Um, straight out of Alabama. People don't know that. Straight out of Alabama. I think he had moved to Jersey, and that song, um, Don't Wanna Be a Player No More, that that has become, well, used to be one of the main themes of my life. This episode might might get a little uh messy, but you know, we'll get into it. But yeah, man, that song was on his sophomore album, uh All the All That I Am. And it was also on the 1997 movie soundtrack Booty Call, starring Jamie Foxx, uh Vivica Fox, Tommy Davis, and then Tamala Jones from the Wood. Very, very funny, very dope movie. Probably shouldn't have been watching it in '97. That would have made me, I think, eight, seven, eight, nine years old, somewhere in there. That was that was like right after Tupac died. So we needed um, you know, we needed a laugh during that time. But yeah, man, we are back again, and we're gonna get into some things today. So we just gonna dive right into it, man. Um dating one-on-one. So going back to uh the first episode of picking up for where I was sitting on the balcony and just trying to, you know, figure out the next move, man, after getting all the emotions out of the way and then trying to um navigate, moving in, unpacking, and and things like that. And you know, once I got my final divorce decree, it was on, you know, it was on and popping. I uh I dove into this dating world, this dating land head first. And I want to use this as a cautionary tale to others, especially the men. If you're getting out of a situation, take your time, master yourself first. Somewhere in this world right now, there's a man that is you know, uh out of a relationship, a serious relationship, or even a divorce, and and things may not have gone his way. And he didn't, you know, he didn't cheat, he didn't hit her, he didn't steal money from her, he didn't sleep with her friend or something like that. It's just two souls grew apart and it didn't work out for you, and you got eyes wide open right now. And when you move to a city like I have, San Diego, California, I'm a Midwest boy, man, and it's not like we have a lot of variety, at least when I was growing up. Excuse me. So, you know, like I said, when I was in Texas, I only had eyes for uh my then wife, my marriage. I was kind of just stuck in this bubble, a routine. Everything was pretty much revolved around her, which I think was a big mistake. You know, I think people always have to have a life outside of whatever, whatever your marriage or relate or your relationship is. You gotta have your own identity. You know, I would go to play ball with the fellas, or damn, really. I that's pretty much all I did. Now I think about it. Play ball with the fellas, everything else was centered around the church and and her. So, you know, that kind of gets redundant. Uh work, church, vacation, play ball, work, church, vacation, playball, and everything that I would do would be with her, and you know, it would include her. So this was like my first taste of freedom. And when you move to a uh a California, a city in California, especially in Southern California, well, all of California, unless it's like Bakersfield or you know, I don't know, some Central Valley type shit where it's just middle of nowhere. I moved downtown San Diego, right next to Petco Stadium. That's where I once lived. I'm not telling you where I live now, but so I hit the I hit the ground running. I moved into a brand new high-rise building. I had a little money in my pocket. I didn't know that I moved into a building where it was like influence central, influencer central. This is where all the influencers live. This is where um you know some uh MLB M look MLB players lived that uh played in the the uh played with the Padres, which was right next to the apartment building. Like I could literally go up to the rooftop pool and look down inside the stadium. So, you know, a lot of temptation around, a lot of temptation. So I dove in head first, man, like an idiot. I should have sat still and mastered myself. Um, you know, and and I and I I kind of no, actually, I didn't. So let's fast forward. This is September of 2021. There was a RB block party. They had me at RB, right up the street, at this place called the courtyards outdoor venue. And um, I didn't know nobody, you know,

The R&B Block Party Wake-Up

SPEAKER_00 7:29

so I went I went down to the mall. I'm still learning my way around the city. I'm I'm still going, I'm still going to San Isidro to get clothes and shoes and stuff. And that's like the last stop before Tijuana, not knowing I couldn't went to Fashion Valley or UTC Mall or something like that, somewhere closer. So I'm still green to a lot of this. So, you know, I make my way down there and this this is the first time where I'm like, damn, I don't I ain't never really been nowhere by myself. This is a this is a whole new function. What do I wear? What do you wear to you know, a block party? So I ain't I don't know. I I kept it simple, you know. Levi's um Mariner's jersey had the Mariner's hat like an idiot. I didn't know that was a hood. It's not a hood in San Diego, but it is a hood in LA. Um, I don't know which one, but I know I had to tell my boy not to wear that at the pop-out. We'll talk about that another day. So um, yeah, you know, I'm I'm kept I'm keeping it simple because I I see that's what what the style was here. A lot of people was wearing Levi's baseball caps, chucks. Me, I chose the Jordan 13s, and you know, I walk in and this was like, man, I don't even know how to put it into words. I ain't never seen no shit like this. This is like wow, this is where all the black people at in San Diego. It was it was crazy. The the music was going, the drink line was long as shit. Um, at this time I'm feeling overwhelmed because it's like my first time out. I don't know nobody. I'm kind of like, you know, I guess you could say I'm a little standoffish, a little soft spoken. Um, you know, that's that's just my mechanism. If I don't know you, I kind of just observe first. I gotta peep where the ex is at because the life that I've lived has conditioned me to kind of move this way. The situations I done been in, the situations that I I ain't, you know, I've escaped, I'm always looking, you know, just scoping. Okay, niggas over here, they look suspicious. The exit is right here. All right, I know how to, you know, maneuver, maneuver out of here if something go go awry. So everything's cool though. First thing I need to do, I need to get a drink to loosen up. I don't know why I just didn't go to the liquor store and buy something for myself and then go in there already loose. So I'm in line, I'm uh trying to figure out what they serving. I don't know, it's San Diego, it's it's SoCal, Tequila, I guess. So I don't know how this happened. I ain't never seen no shit like this before. I seen it was like a pack of East African women. It was like some some safari type shit. I never I ain't never seen nothing like this in my life. Ever. It was like I I can't even put into words, you know, and they was all like just exotic, beautiful looking women. And then they had like, they had like this one ambiguous looking, I don't know, she was like Filipino or white or you know, she she wasn't all the way you like, you know, uh Caucasian or colonizer. She had something in her, I don't know, but anyway, so I'm staring and there's a guy behind me, and he was like, damn, doggy, close your mouth. And that's how he and I became friends. Because I looked at him and I like I kind of looked him up and down, I just started laughing. He just started laughing. He introduced himself. I introduced myself and we got to talking, and he was like, Man, um, you knew here, huh? I'm like, Yeah, you know, I moved here from Houston, just trying to make friends, you know, just get out, meet people. And um, he was like, Yeah, I know them, man. We all kind of know each other in the city because he was like, I'm I'm Somalian. It's like, all right, cool. So he he calls him over there, and um he introduces himself or them and then you know himself again, and uh his other homeboys that was with him, and you know, we got to talking. I ended up getting one of the uh the young lady's number, and uh, you know, we kind of kind of played cat and mouse all night. I bought her a drink. Um second time I went up to get another drink, she was there again. I'm like, damn, is she begging at this point? Like, is this how this gonna go in San Diego? Um, but my stupid ass, bought her another drink. But anyways, got the number. We ended up going out maybe like shit, like a week later, that following week, we went to a spot. And I don't know, then it was awkward for me. This is my first time ever indulging outside of my marriage, you know, being a free man, trying to figure out what to talk about, and then knowing that all right, this this girl is younger than me, and I don't know the lingo here, and so I don't know, you know, the upbringing. So it was it was kind of weird at first, but things loosened up. We ended up you know talking and things like that. So I don't know, Dayton was about a seven, seven out of ten, so it was cool. Um and you know, I ended up dropping her off. Um, well, first off, I arrived with flowers, not knowing that ain't what you're supposed to do for every woman. And you know, we'll get into that in a little bit. So um we get back, um, and I go up to her place. She, I guess all the girls that it was in line with her, they all live together. So that's why I started peeping game. While I'm in there, I see they got hookah. I noticed hookah was a big thing. Actually, let's rewind. That night after we left the block party, we went to a place, a hookah lounge. I don't really mess with hookah. Um it's just it's it's pointless to me. I just I think it's just something you do if you want to look, I don't know, hip, like young. I don't I just don't see the point in hookah. Like if it ain't no weed in that big ass lamp, I'm not smoking it. Um I ain't smoked in a minute. Anyways, so you know, we have to we we they get a section, I guess they know these guys that own the bar or whatever. So I'm I'm really just observing how they how they act, the mannerisms. You know, I'm trying to I'm already preparing for a relationship, not knowing that this is just you know some humbug one night, everybody, let's just go get you know hookah and drinks type stuff. So man, we must have got that bill, and they passed it to me. That bill said $739.43. I said, you shit, you shouldn't me. Y'all better divvy up. And I guess our girls looked at me like, oh, like we all gotta put in. Yeah, I don't know you. I don't, I don't know y'all. I'm sorry, like, you know, and you, I don't bought, I done bought you drinks already. You need to, you know, put your money in too. So that's how that went. So fast forward, uh, drop her off, go upstairs. I noticed they got Hella hookah, all the girls that were at the party, um, they all live together and they all work at the same job. So I started like, damn, these ain't this this probably ain't gonna be what I'm looking for. Um And I don't know how long this is gonna last. So, you know, I stayed there for a second and we chill, watch some TV. Next thing I know, I get a DM from a homegirl. And then this was like some, I don't know, this this is for most guys, this is some once-in-a-lifetime type shit. Homegirl wants to go out, she says her friend is cool with it, and you know, they both can deal with me. And I'm like, wait, what? This is is this like some Scientology polyamory type stuff? Mind you, these are you know, two um these are two East African queens. I didn't even know you could do that in in their culture or whatever. Uh that's how ignorant I am to the streets, so that didn't work out. Um, I ended up just kind of like easing my way out of that situation because I knew that me being in the streets is no good. That ain't no good for nobody. That ain't no good for the husbands out there that's married to uh women that ain't being treated right. That that is is it's just not a good situation to be in. So, you know, I found myself back in the streets. I became a serial dater. Yes, Kway was a serial dater, and it was it was terrible. Um, I wasted so much time, so much money. I think the next date I had gone on, um, I went to this kind of like uh this kind of like poetry neo-soul night type thing at the same venue, and I I saw uh a black woman in there, uh American black. She was, you know, by by herself dancing. I approached her. That's probably the first time I approached somebody in years. Um shit, probably like 12, honestly, because I was with my ex so much. We ended up exchanging numbers. I thought it was cool. I'm I'm like, I don't know, man. My granny told me at a young age, she said, you know, the problem with you is you see the good in everybody. And when it comes to girls, you fall in love with everybody you meet. And that was the honesty God truth. I'm thinking it's cool. We go on a date and we talking, we vibing, we get, you know, we around the same age, we got the same musical taste, same movie references. And the next thing I know, her husband shows up. I didn't know she was married, she didn't mention it not once, and she didn't mention me, mention to me that this nigga was abusive and literally tried to set her place on fire the night before. Um, so I mean, if you know me, you know I've I've told these stories before. If you don't, welcome to Have You On the RB with K-Way, where we talk about the rhythm and blues of life, and I'm giving you the blues of my life uh leading up to this point. So that was interesting, you know. Um you know, he was going off on it. He was like, I ain't even got a problem with you, cuz like, you know, cause she just that type of bitch, she ain't gonna tell you nothing. And I'm like, hey man, let me go ahead and home or my Simpson out of this situation, cuz I don't know her. I don't, you know, this was like I don't know if I should have stayed stayed there and stuck up for her, or like, you know, I don't, I don't know, it was awkward, but I'm all about self-preservation at that moment. So I had to get on up out of there. So that was bad. So, you know, I'm like, all right, I'ma just I'ma chill. I'ma chill. I'ma I'ma date myself for a second. You know, I I start doing the things single women do when they get out of something and they move. I went in, I wanna bought me a devotional journal, like a dumbass at uh Barnes and Noble. I start

When Dating Turns Into Chaos

SPEAKER_00 17:50

going to Sunset Cliffs and watching the sunset and you know, taking some joints up there with um some fine wine and just you know, vibing out, chilling, just kind of being by myself. So I really hitting the gym. I took myself to a few concerts. Um I'm a kind of sore RB. I remember I went to see her and at the Santa Barbara Bowl. Now, I like I said, I'm still learning my way around here. I didn't I didn't know Santa Barbara was that far from San Diego. I must have got the tickets at like 11 a.m. on a Friday. The show was at 7. So I shoot down to San Yosidro again. Still stupid. I'm like, nigga, there's now that I know this, I'm like, damn, there's hella miles closer than going down there by Tijuana. I must have hit the road by like 1.30. I didn't get there till like 6 45. Checked in the hotel, change. I got there, missed the opening act, and um I literally got there right when she was getting on stage. And fun fact about this show, this one Miles, uh, is it uh is it Catton? Not Canton. I know they would they fixed that name. He was he's he's the young brother from uh Sinners, uh, who was doing the performances with Raphael Sadiq. He was he was her uh background singer, and he had a solo and he killed it. And the concert was amazing. I'm sitting like maybe five, six rows back from her, and you know, I had I had a I had a few glasses of wine in me, and I remember her got on stage and she was like, Is everybody feeling all right? And I'm kind of tipsy at this point. I'm kind of you know, I'm kind of uh just loose, and I'll for some reason I just blurted out, yeah, I'm lonely as fuck. And everybody started laughing, and she looked at me and she was like, Oh, poor baby, somebody helped this young man. Mind you, uh, I'm by myself. And there was a lady, a young lady sitting next to me, uh, who was also there at the concert by herself. And you know, we we talked, we danced, but I didn't I didn't exchange numbers with her or anything. When the concert was over, I just got up and left and went back to my hotel room. I think at that point, but like those two dates, I was kind of done. I was like, man, I don't know. I don't know about these Southern California women. I just I gotta I gotta like really like feel you out or whatever. So um so that that was a cool, that was a cool time. I went to see Ari Lennings by myself at the House of Blues. Um, you know, so I just kind of just started I started the process of mastering myself, but then I got sidetracked. Somehow, uh, so by this time, me and the me and the guys that I had met at um the block party, we we really started kicking it. Started going places together. Um, and they was telling

Learning The Dating App Tiers

SPEAKER_00 20:24

me about these apps, and they told me about Hinge. I didn't know what Hinge was. I ain't you know, I wasn't too familiar with dating apps. I'm still green, you know. My divorce decree is in, but it's still this like shit, I don't know, December, November. It's the holiday season. So I get on the app, and you know, I'm still I'm trying to navigate my way. I'm trying to figure out prompts and stuff. This before I this is like I don't know if chat GPT around. I know damn sure Gemini wasn't around, so I'm trying to figure out

Dating Myself And Rebuilding

SPEAKER_00 20:55

like what to put in these prompts. I'm trying to find pictures. I don't have a lot of pictures by myself, so going through that phase of setting up the dating apps was like one like a whole thing within itself. And I'm gonna tell you something. The the the tiers of dating app is you pay for what you get. So to me, Hinge, Hinge is like um, okay, now I know we're not shopping here right now. Hinge to me is like your target, your pavilions, um, you know, shit, maybe even Trader Joe's. All right, and then Bumble, that's like Walmart to me. And then you got Facebook dating, that's like Food for Less, Five Below, and then there's an app called Black. That shit is like Dollar General, Family Dollar, 99 cents store. It's like the the worst form of dating you can ever date. Don't ever, ever, ever get on black, don't ever use Facebook dating. I would say if you are going to online date, stick to your hinges. Um Stick to your um your bumbles. And then, you know, if you got a little bit of money and you in a certain tax bracket, they have uh dating as specifically for you, um, where you gotta have like a certain amount of of money and you gotta show proof and they'll match you with other people that are on your you know your your fiscal level. So so yeah, so I'm on there. Um I'm kind of just you know, just kind of like maneuvering it and taking my time with it. And then one date turn into two, two turn into three, next thing I know, I'm I'm back to serial dating. I'm I'm going up to LA, you know, I'm going downtown LA Live, that sushi restaurant, fix-ins, uh the Mexican restaurant right next to the Grammy Museum. I'm I'm I'm wasting a lot. I'm I'm my daddy always said, you will lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose a woman chasing money. And had I had that in the back of my head then, instead of just being, I don't know, a prideful serial dater, I probably would have saved myself a lot of time. Um, but also I probably I probably wouldn't have been conditioned and prepared to meet my now fiance. Uh so I guess it worked out in hindsight. I'm kind of glad I went through that. But so yeah, so I you know, uh a couple good things happened out of that. Um, you know, uh probably the date started getting a little more serious, I would say, where it was like instead of one and done, it started to be like, all right, one or two. You know, uh one of them was cool, she just was just I don't know. You know, what scared me away, she was like, I got deep feelings for you. This is two weeks, two weeks into you know uh going on a few dates. I feel strongly deeply about you. I'm like, motherfucker, how? Like, how the fuck you feel deep about? I don't feel that way. I'm sorry. So I kind of just backed up. And I'm I'm sorry if this comes across mean, but you know, I I'm not proud of creating um broken hearts and things like that. If I did that, you know, she went off, she was sending me crazy text messages and stuff. How you just gonna do me like that, this, that, and the third, and you know, whatever. Um, you know, another one, you know, I started kind of really just broadening my range, man. Like, you know, you didn't have to live in San Diego, you didn't have to have a career. I went on a date with a bottle girl, and we went, we went on a date. Um, she was like, I only like rooftop dinners. Stupid ass took her to a rooftop dinner, she didn't even deserve it. She should have been an in-and-out burger fucking with her ass. But um, so we went we went to a rooftop dinner, and the rate, the waiter was like, uh, you know, cool, whatever, snarky. I could tell he knew her from something, but he ain't really care for her. So I don't I still don't know what that's about. So, anyways, she gets the menu and she's looking and she's like, Yeah, I'll I'll take the uh the uh lamb lollipops and uh the kinoa. And I ain't never heard of Kanoa before. I'm looking at the menu, I'm like, what the hell is Kanoa? So I look at the menu, I'm like, You mean quinoa? She's like, Oh yeah, that that's that's that's just what I call it. I'm like, no, you stupid ass. Ain't no goddamn canoa, it's quinoa, stupid. So long story short, ended that. Um, there was another day that I went on, a girl got mad at me because I prayed over the food, and she said God wasn't that important to her. And that was the end of that. I'm I don't I don't give a fuck how fine you are. I'm not messing with the antichrist. I can I can't do it. I can't do it. So going through all of that, man, uh, you know, I think I think the next the next serious date, and and my big sister, shout out to my big sister, man, she knows this. There were there were two two women that kind of like had me just like in my feelings, and one of them ghosted me. And it was like we went to the farmer's market, we went on, we went, uh, we spent the day together, you know. We we went, we looked at the ocean, you know, we done went a few places. We went to a concert, and then the next thing I know, she gone. And then my sister was like, She got other niggas. I tried to tell you this. She was like, I tried to tell you, but you know, you ain't want to listen. So um, so that didn't that didn't really go, you know, the way that it was it was playing to go. So me, you know, I tried to I tried to um kind of like bounce back too fast, and I don't know, man. I ended up messing with or running into um a girl that kind of ghost to me on hinge before. Mind you, this is like my second or third stint on hinge. I got I done got off, I got off and got on a few times. Pause. So and then one thing that you learn is like you when you get on hinge and then you get off any dating site, you're gonna see the same people. So this time around, the um the woman, you know, she gave me the time of day, you know, she's in the medical field, and you know, I thought she had something going for herself, but I don't know, I don't know, I don't know if this is politically correct to say, but I think she was mentally delayed. I think that her social skills were not up to par. I mean, you know, pretty to look at. Don't get me wrong, pretty to look at, but to talk to is a whole different story. So, but I'm you know, my dumb ass, we I kept trying, kept trying. You know, we do this is probably the most consistent dating that I had had um throughout this whole ordeal and since being uh officially divorced from my ex. You know, we saw each other on the regular, um, but it got to the point where she would do a little dumb shit, like stand me up and not say nothing, and then hit me up at like two in the morning, like you up, like no, I'm not up. I gotta work. Like, you should. We supposed to go somewhere at seven. What are you talking about? So then, you know, I got my sister's voice in my head, like she got other niggas. You ain't the only one trying to be the only one. She would always tell me that, and that's just my irrational confidence, thinking that I was, and it's like, nah, bro, you not you, you, you're just into this game, and what you're finding out is there's a lot of piss in the dating pool, and I found that out the hard way. So, so fast forward, this is uh New Year's Eve of 2022. So I'm I'm a year in to being here in San Diego, and

Bad Dates And Hard Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 28:37

we we go to RB only. I'm respectful by the way, I wasn't the type to push up on girls or try to jump their bones, you know what I'm saying? Like the girl, they they really kind of had had to make the um the first move first, and uh truthfully was nobody making no moves because I wasn't I turned down more, you know, than accepted. I mean, there was a well, I'll never forget this story. There was a girl that lived in the towers perpendicular for me. And if you know downtown San Diego, those yellow and red, they call them the mustard and catch up towers. They call that whole central, that's where all the IG models live. Um, I ended up going on a few dates with a chick out of there, and we were walking down to the harbor, we passed another building, she was like, Hey, my fuck buddy lives in there. And I looked at her like, what? And she was like, Yeah, you know, like I just I just like to have fun. I was like, Oh yeah, I ain't I'm cool on you to me, because like if you hit this, we go together. That's just I'm old school like that. Like, I don't know, I don't know how y'all was raised, but you know, I'm still I'm still kind of old school with it. Plus, there's a lot of diseases going on out in here, man. Tuberculosis is bad. I don't know what you motherfuckers be doing. So I'm uh I'm like Larry June, man. You know, like I don't I don't mess with random chicks, you know. I I I believe my meat is golden. So I'm not out here divvying it up to you know randoms, but you know, that that that was crazy, that story right there. And and I then she came to my house maybe like two days later, she had came from a pool party drunk. And I just let her sit on the couch and sofa up, giving her Avil bread, water, whatever. And um, you know, she got mad at me because I didn't want to um you know take it there with her. But I don't, I don't, you know, I'm not ain't no ain't nobody that fine, you know. Coochie ain't that important to me to where I'm gonna catch a case over it over some he said, C shit. I ain't saying you would've, but I don't know you like that. So I'm gonna protect myself at all costs. So uh damn, was I a Karen dating? Was I was I a black Karen dating? Or was I just too cautious? I don't know. Y'all let me know in the comments. So, anyways, fast forward back to New Year's Eve 2022 uh House of Blues. Mind you, I'm really feeling this girl, I'm really feeling her. Um, you know, I'm I'm thinking relationship. So um we go to the house of blues, it was cool, and um, you know, it was just one of them things where it was, it was it was a good night. It was a good night. She kind of made a comment because when at midnight where they you know they dropped the ball and stuff, she was like, You didn't kiss me. I'm I'm sorry, I didn't, I guess I missed the cue. I didn't know you, I didn't know that's something you did, unless she was married, uh at least you know, midnight or whatever. So we go home, we chill, uh her homegirls are over, and I fall asleep. And she lived in a particular part of Long Beach that was about the the roller 20s, I believe. Um not too far away from Long Beach Polly because I heard Cyrus all night, all fucking night. So my so the first thought of me is like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I gotta get out of here. But I fell asleep, but I'll never forget waking up that New Year's Day, 2023, and I woke up and I just felt empty. I felt like I felt tired, I felt grateful that God blessed me with another year to be here, especially after you know, going through the divorce, getting through that, getting through these dates, um, up

New Year’s Empty Feeling

SPEAKER_00 31:57

and down these the I5 highways and the Pacific Coast and the PCH. And you know, God has really protected me through all of this, you know, husbands showing up on dates and crazy girls. Uh I even mentioned the one girl that stole my wallet and then ran up $323 at Zara. Like, this is all crazy shit that I'd have been on because you know, a man's flesh is weak, and and women, and you know, they they got they got that the every since the first scene was uh Adam listening to a woman. That was the first scene. We've been weak since then, and and it's still the same today. But anyways, I woke up and I I felt grateful, but I felt empty. So I put my clothes on and and she was asleep, but god damn was she snoring, my lord. And I had nothing to do with her going to sleep, you know, nothing happened. She just sounded like that. She sounded like like two pregnant right now, sir is, you know, yodeling back and forth uh analyzing, type shit. Like it was crazy. Um it was just bad. So I looked at her and I just I just knew that was it, man. I knew I did, I knew I wanted more, I knew I demanded more. I I knew God didn't bring me this far just to bring me this far. I got in my car, I got on the five back to San Diego. I listened to church all the way home, and I felt guilty because I wasn't in church. And I was I was going to church every Sunday um and Wednesday at this point. You know, I was in Bible study. I was I was I had I had a uh uh dedicated plan. I was disciplined. And you know, this time New Year's Day fell on fell on a Sunday. So, you know, I just thought about it the whole way there and I prayed to God. My specific prayer was like, God, I I can't do this on my own. I cannot let go of this woman, I cannot let go of these women that I keep falling for. And my therapist told me a while ago, she was like, if you want Instagram models, you're gonna deal with Instagram model problems. And then, you know, mastering yourself, you also have to have uncomfortable conversations with yourself. And then I had to really be real with myself and just kind of hold myself accountable. Was I dating out of necessity or vengeance? And honestly, it was vengeance, vengeance. I was I was so like angry of the way I was did, the way my ex did me, my ex-wife, the way she did me, that I wanted to hurry up, fall in love, find somebody else, and rub it in her face. That was like my whole thing. That was that was like the whole goal of it. So once I was honest about

Vengeance Dating And The Breakthrough

SPEAKER_00 34:38

that, and I just I just prayed about it, God started to slowly like reveal, like, yeah, this ain't for you. He started to slowly reveal her character to me, you know. Cause I mean, I I let her know. Well, she she hit me when she got up, and like you could have said bye. I didn't end it there, I was too pussy to end it there, even though I knew I was done. I was kind of just waiting for a reason. And I and the straw that brought the cameras back was I planned a day for us, and she didn't show up. And um, she kind of hit me with some excuse. She had already done this before, so it could have been, you know, the boy Crywolf type shit. And I was like, you know, I don't appreciate, you know, this back and forth. Um, just kind of letting her know I'm in a respectful way, like, if you can't make it, you know, at least it don't it costs you nothing to shoot a text. Like, unless I understand if it's a death in the family, something sudden, but you talking about you know, you lost track of time. That I'm sorry, that ain't gonna work for me, that ain't good enough. And then she started going off, she started cursing at me. I ain't never seen this eye before her. I ain't I didn't even know she was capable of speaking this loud because she was, you know, kind of like delayed and and very soft-spoken. So that was what I needed to see. And I told her, I said, listen, man, I've been through this once. I I'm not uh no, my mama don't even talk to me like that, or didn't talk to me like that. I'm not gonna let you do this. So I wish you the best, but I can't go on, you know, like this. And and I kind of just let her down, like, listen, you know, I'm I'm moving on. I don't wish to to date you anymore. Have a blessed life. And I hung up. And the weight that came off my shoulders, man, it was like it was like the bees coming off a candy man. Yeah, I remember the the original candy man when he opened his coat and the bees just came out. It was like, man, I could drop my shoulders, I could breathe now. I deleted the apps. I didn't, you know, I didn't, I was cool, man. Honestly, I really was. I started mastering myself, you know, but shit. 60 days later, 60 days later, I got on the app for a day. I got on the app for a day, and I said, Lord, I said I wasn't gonna do this no more, but I'm lonely, dawg. I don't want to be out here, dog. I got needs, man. I need, I know there's a woman out here, surely. Like, I know this is at this point, it was like a movie. This like some uh last, what's it called? Last black man in San Francisco. I'm looking for the last black woman in San Diego. And I think with me praying and fasting for them two, them 60 days from January to March, I got on that app and I saw the same people that I saw the past you know few times I had been on that app. And as I'm in the process of deleting it, I get a message from my now fiance. And it was like, you know, it was just something simple. It was like a like you could send like roses and stuff, and we chatted and we agreed to meet, and she was like precise.

One Day On Hinge Meets The One

SPEAKER_00 37:34

You know, I could tell this was a woman that was about her business and she didn't have time to waste, and we were the same age, and she was just a woman. I think I was dealing with a lot of I think I was dealing with a lot of uh girls that were in women's bodies. Like, yeah, you may look the part, but your spirit, your soul is very girly, you know what I'm saying? You don't shoot from the hip, you don't use your words, um, you have a wondering eye, you know what I'm saying? You always looking for the next best thing. But this was the first time where I felt instantly like, okay, I named the time and place. She said, Cool, I know that is, I'll be there. Um, this is after, you know, we getting to know each other for you know a week or two or something like that. We just wasn't all willy-nilly, you know, ain't no craziness going on. And man, we must have gone on our first date and we we went to Sunset Cliffs and we talked and we talked and we talked some more to where the it was sunny when we started out, but by the time we got done talking, it was it the night turned into fog, and the fog kind of swallowed us up. And I'll never forget, man. Walking back to the car, I got in my car and I just said, Thank you, Lloyd. I think this is the one, and we've been rocking every since then, and we are on the verge of uh getting married here in in a few months. And that is serial dating, that is dating one-on-one with Kway. Please, fellas, master yourself first, dog. Like, it you do not you're not gonna miss nothing out here. I promise you are not missing anything. There's a lot of piss in the dating pool, uh, and that goes for women too. You know, y'all don't you you don't have to always look for the next next best thing or or dive into something suddenly. Master yourself first, and then strategically be uh selfish with your time and and value yourself, and then you'll be able to weed out the things that I wasn't able to weed out. You know, the lies, the husband showing up, people stealing from me, people putting my life in danger. You know, I'm I'm only here. I'm I am just a product of my mother's prayers because I know right now and throughout the time since she's been gone, she's been looking down at me, shaking my head, just going like this nigga, I gotta get him out another one. Like, man, some of the situations that I've been in, it's just I don't know. It's it's it's been only way I can really describe me surviving it is God to make it through all of that, and then to now, you know, find love again after coming out of what I came out of and then going through all of the the BS on the dating side of things. So yeah, man, that is dating one-on-one with Kway. Uh, how I went from from hinge to a husband, from from serial dating to just uh dating one over serial. I don't know if that makes sense, but you know, I try to be a wordsman uh when I can. So yeah, don't date out of vengeance, uh, don't try to get back at your ex. You gotta forgive that person. Forgiveness is for is for for you, not for that person that wronged you. And sometimes you gotta accept the apologies that you'll never get. And once I got through that, once I I accepted that and I had a clear conscience and a clear mind, you know, I was able to be uh very self-aware and let that situation go that had a hold on me, and I opened myself up, and you know, I'm not saying it's gonna happen for you like it happened for me, but eventually it will. So, you know, yeah, I thank God for that. And um, yeah, that's serial dating. So, before I get out of here, you know, um, we gotta hear Kay's gripes again because I got some shit to get off my chest. Let's listen to Moesha.

K-Way’s Gripes On Modern R&B

SPEAKER_00 41:22

So, um, I want to talk about the state of RB right now. You know, that's near and dear to my heart because the podcast is heavy on the RB with K-Way. Yes, it's music-based, but it's also talking about the rhythms and the blues of life. I just told y'all about how I went from Hinge, you know, to a future husband and overcoming serial dating. You know, there was a lot of rhythms, there was a lot of blues, there's a lot of ups, there's a lot of downs. And I don't know if anybody is taking the art as serious as they need to. You know, I saw Teddy Riley is writing for K-pop artists now, and I'm just like, yo, like, hello, like, we got plenty of RB here. Is it enough that we gave them fried chicken? Now we give them RB, and all we get is a seven-step skin routine in return for 85 fucking dollars. Come on, Teddy. What are we talking about here? I just I don't know, man. I think the state of RB is in a weird, dangerous place right now. I don't think, I don't think people are in love anymore. They're not writing from a place of love. Hell, you're not even writing from a place of heartbreak. Because you don't you won't even go through the love, or I'm sorry, you won't even go through the heartbreak to get to the love. Y'all don't even go to church no more. And everybody knows most good RB comes from the church background. Y'all can't sing. If you listen to today's toxicity of RB, you you'll see and you or you'll hear that most of the songs come from the black keys. You know, the the black keys are called accidental keys. And back in the day, most of our RB was sampled from the white keys, which are called natural keys. That's where the soul comes from. You know, that's where you can you can hear you can hear Mary J. Blige turn Roy Eyre's, you know, everybody loves the sunshine into my life. I think that's missing today. There's a TikTok trend going around on how marriage is not important. And it's like y'all are doing everything to devalue the black unity and the black connection. It's it's it's it's sickening, it's really sickening at this point. And you know, that's just my gripe about the state of RB. Who's gonna change it? Maybe I'll change it, you know, because I got a whole AI mixtape ready. And I know some of you motherfuckers feel some type of way about AI or whatever, but I really don't care. I will make the music I want to hear and only for me in my ears, and not shake. It that way I don't have to listen to y'all, and you know that's just where I'm at with it. So that's just been another addition to K Way's gripes. I'm still irritated with just the way that RB is, and I'm just hopeful that it'll get better. I know me, I'm just doing my part by bringing back some of the nostalgic RB, but also supporting the the up-and-coming artists, you know, like me and wifey going to see El May, El Mai. I gotta get this man's name right. We're going to see him, we're going to see Alex Isley. Um, man, go support your local RB artists. That's where the that's where it comes from. RB been here since the 40s, long before hip-hop. Don't let nobody tell you no different. This is this is like this this goes back to church. This goes back to to uh uh slavery, underground railroad, you know. Where do you think the rhythm and the blues come from? The blues. Come on, man, work the bb king, get it together, support your local RB artist, send them my way. Um, London has an incredible RB scene right now. I'm sorry, but I don't want to sound like uh Aubrey, uh, because I would never sound like that fool. But you know, I do I do rock with um the UK's RB scene. They got they got uh some really, really good artists over there. So check them out. But anyway, man, in it in the meantime, in between time, this has been another edition of Heavy on the RB with K Way, where we talk about the rhythms and the blues of life, and you know my mission, man. I just want to make the world lighter and a little brighter. So

Supporting Real R&B And Farewell

SPEAKER_00 45:37

remember, please put value in yourself, put value in each other, and we might fuck around and have you value society. Peace.