Heavy on My Pops

A father’s voice can hit harder than any hot take. We start with a raw, intimate reminder of what real love sounds like, then we zoom out to the pressure so many men live under: being strong, being silent, being “fine” while carrying grief, divorce, stress, and responsibility. With Father’s Day, Juneteenth, Black Music Month, and Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month all colliding, we use June as a mirror and ask what it’s costing us to keep the armor on.

I walk through my own therapy journey, from early sessions that felt like box-checking to the moment it turned into real, consistent mental health work. We talk about finding the right therapist, taking accountability, and how healing changes the way I show up as a father and as a son. That includes breaking generational patterns like emotional silence and learning to say “I love you” without it feeling awkward or forced, because legacy is more than money and memories. It’s emotional safety.

Then we get into the bigger system: the crack era, the war on drugs, mass incarceration, and how policy and culture helped fracture Black families while online platforms now monetize division through red pill vs blue pill gender wars. We connect that history to what we see today in dating culture, media, and even the “death of devotion” in modern R&B. If the soundtrack is revenge and bitterness, we shouldn’t be shocked when relationships feel disposable.

If any part of this hits home, share it with someone you love, subscribe for more straight talk, and leave a review so more people can find the conversation.

Transcript

A Father’s Voice And Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I'm a useful thing about me. All right, I appreciate that. I was wondering I hadn't I hadn't asked you that, so I'm gonna I'm gonna use that uh on the pie, but I appreciate that. I'll let you get back to uh dropping your kids off at the Super Bowl. All right, love you.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Now, dad, this is a very sensitive subject. From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms, but you like me before I let you be the arm. No questions arose in my mind. Would I be mad enough? I guess won't you write and be standing out from the hospital that first night? Took an hour just to get the car seated right. People driving off fast got me kinda upset. Got you home safe, placed you in your past and net that night. I don't think one thing got slept. Cause I slipped out my bed to your grip, I cracked, touched your head, gently, felt my heart melt. Cause I knew I loved you more than life. It's stepping to my kids and the bed and more. Please let me be a good daddy. Love knowledge, discipline too.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Let you like to get you.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

I think we're a little bit display. We can see wanna beat all makes me laugh. Cause you got your dad's ears and all. Sometimes I wonder what you gonna be. A general, a doctor, maybe a MC. I wanna kiss you all the time, but I will tell step one when you cut out. Why do you do that? I try to be a tough dad, but you be making me laugh, crazy joy. When I see the eyes of my baby boy, I pledge to you, I will always do everything I can. Show you how to be a man, dignity, integrity, and I don't mind if you look as long as you came with it, and you can cry, ain't no shame in it. It didn't work out with me and your mom, but you'll push on the shell. You can leave it up with the word attacks.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

We have a lot going on. It is June, and who knew so much stuff was going on in June? I sure in the heck didn't, but nonetheless, man, it is great to be with you all on another episode. This is week 12,

June Collides Fatherhood And Culture

SPEAKER_00 5:40

where we talk about the rhythms and the blues of life, giving it to you straight talk, no chaser. From a fair-minded male point of view, just want to give a shout out to all of the new subscribers and listeners, man. Whether you're checking out the pod or daybreak, which is the after party of the pod and the music that inspired um this this week's episode, well, every week's episode, and also, you know, me doing a couple couple live DJ sessions, man, depending on what I'm feeling. Um, we did a DJ set for uh Juneteenth this past weekend. I also did one honoring the matriarchs of music, honoring the black women that paved the way and continue to um you know just inspire us. Um, and then we did uh I think late night I did a uh basement party. Man, I'm just trying to bring the good vibes, and the only way I know how to, well, the best way I know how to do that is through music. And man, we just gonna keep on going. So, as you all heard, that was uh my father. I caught him at a very personal time, but uh that's my dude, that's my right-hand man. I talk to my dad every day. Um, he's the most solid person I've ever known, he's the wisest man I've ever I've ever known, and probably ever will. I got great admiration, respect. Um man, I always tell my dad, if uh if God blesses me to grow up to be half the man that you are, I I think I've done a good dang on job. And I think I'm on that, I'm on that journey, man. Um my dad is as solid as they come. And I I recognize that I'm honored and blessed to have a father that has always been present. Um, I remember one time I had a national track, national championship track meet. It was in Lubbock, Texas. Um, and you know, my family lives in Indianapolis. My dad put my mom and my sister on a flight, and he drove um down there to Lubbock. And um man, he got there right on time, cheered me on, and he watched me win the uh the national championship independent. Um he also watched me win the national the 2006 Nike High School National Championship in long jump. He drove from Indianapolis to Greensboro, North Carolina. Um, he was always the first person at the parent teachers' conferences, and um, you know, he's despite my all my teachers always trying to flirt with him. That's a whole nother story for a whole nother day, man. But shout out to my pops, man, the patriarch, where I get the game from. Always there, uh, was there throughout my divorce. Uh, first broken bones. I cannot remember a time where my father was not present and instilling wisdom in me. So that's why I make it a point to honor him and you know, just glorify both of my fathers, Father and God and Father uh Earthly. So, man, shout out to my pop, shout out to Papa K-Way, man. He was in the chat uh cruising with K Way premiered uh Sunday, and uh it was it was all of the tunes that he used to smoke ribs to, and you know, while my mom was in the kitchen making a potato salad, these are you know all the tunes, everything from uh Before I Let Go to Parliament, uh Funkadelic Flashlight to One Way Cutie Pie, man. I just wanted to give uh thanks to him. And as we are in June, we are in the intersection of a lot of things that have gone on, uh it are going on in June. This is a a massive collision of cultural moments. We got uh first and foremost, it it is Father's Day. I'm recording this on Father's Day. Uh we celebrated Juneteenth, just uh what on Friday. So it is also Black Music Month, and then I think the most important aspect besides Father's Day of this month to me is it's men's mental health awareness month. And um, I think today I want to take the time just to acknowledge those things and unpack the layers of being a black man as it can feel incredibly exhausting, and I know this is an incredibly sensitive subject. So hopefully you lean me your ears for the next uh 25 minutes or so. I'll try not to be long-winded where I can just you know touch on a few points and just share with y'all what's what's on my mind, man. Um I I played uh Will Smith featuring uh Jaden. That was or I'm sorry, um, I think I think that was that was either Trey or Jaden at the singing uh talking on that at the beginning. It might have been Jaden, but that song means a lot to me because I I think it showed another side of Will's vulnerability vulnerability. Man, I feel like Stat quo, man. These uh these words is kicking my ass. Stat, did you get me learning herpes? Man, I gotta stop watching so much Justin and Stat. Y'all messing up my vocabulary, or maybe my teeth are just in the way. Um yeah, man. So that song means a lot. It's it's a remake of uh, you know, just just the two of us. I believe the first one um was, you know what? I'm not even going to guess. Uh actually, no, I am gonna guess because I've this is heavy on RB, and I I'm pretty sure I'm right. I think it's Bill Weathers, damn it. Um, I think Bill Weathers did sing that. Uh and uh and yeah, I'm right. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm right. I don't I ain't even gonna check. I know I'm right. I know Bill Weathers sang the original because he also did Ain't No Sunshine uh when she's gone. And he also did an anthem that I gotta play somehow, somehow, I gotta add this to a mix of mine. But it is it is a very underrated black cultural anthem, and that's a lovely day. Shout out to Bill Weathers, man. Shout out to him, shoot, I know I'm right, damn it. Anyways, as I self-affirm myself, yeah. Man, I wanna I wanna navigate around these subjects, man. And this ain't just about the musical notes, it's about the notes to the soul. So get your pen, get your pad, take notes because we about to go to church. Perfect. That's my new sound effect, man. Street Fighter. I always say that uh around the house. My fiance be getting mad. But more importantly, man, I think there's a person the personal shit for me is therapy fatherhood and the armor, armor of all of that. So I started going to therapy as we celebrate

Why Therapy Finally Became Real

SPEAKER_00 12:13

men's mental health awareness month um during during my divorce in 2018. And at first it was I was going just to be like, you know, I'm doing something, I'm checking off a box. It's kind of like where people get on social media and they say, or they type praying for you, but they don't really pray. Um, that's not me. If I say I'm praying for you, I'm really falling to my knees and I'm I'm asking God to cover you, give you peace and healing and comfort during whatever, you know, crazy, tumultuous moment that you're going through. And I know that my prayers aren't going to God's spam box. And truth be told, I don't want to pray for everybody. I know, I know that's it goes against the good book in the real doctrine, not Western slave doctrine, but the real doctrine that started in Africa. Uh, I know that goes against that, but I don't know, man. God, you gotta work with me on that because some of these niggas don't deserve prayer, especially not mine. So it it goes back to the opening statement that I said, you know, is it a blessing if you had to send to get it? I don't want to hear young Miami talking about she's blessed, but you scam niggas to get every financial gain that you've gotten in life. So it really is it really a blessing if you had to send to get it, and um, you know, she's probably not a person that I would want to cross paths with or or pray for, just you know, the whole Diddy thing and and all of that. But um, you know, I don't want to I don't want to go in into all of that. So so I started going to therapy, man. Bi-weekly. I go to therapy every Monday. Shout out to uh my therapist, Mrs. Manley, founder on growth therapy. This was this was the third, third or fourth therapist that I went through. The first therapist I had uh in in Texas, she was great, but she was only licensed in Texas. So when I moved here to California, I had to find another one. So I went through the the the second therapist I had, um, she was inconsistent, she didn't really show up on time, and then it was kind of just like you know, I didn't really feel challenged. Now the third therapist after that, she was out there, she was in a polyamus relationship. She gave me the advice of you know, now that you're newly single and in divorce and you got the decree, you have the license to fuck everybody in the world. And although that may be true, I don't think that's something I needed to hear during that moment. I was I had already moved out here with bright eyed bushy tails because I wasn't used to seeing things from a single man's point of view, and um the flesh is weak, and and also with the flesh being weak as a man, especially as a black man, it could lead you down some dark roads. So I really didn't think that was good sound advice. And um I felt like I was going to therapy as like a superficial box checking off. It was kind of niche, it was the trendy thing to do. It was uh I'm a black man in therapy. Look at me, notice me, ladies. I'm working on myself. Don't y'all want to be with me? It was you know, shit like that. Um, but that wasn't it, man. I think the breakthrough came for me is when I found the therapist that I've had since then. Um is that eight years now? Damn, shout out to me. Is it eight? Is it oh my god, is that eight years? Perfect, 2020, 2018 is 2026. Let me see. Add two, carry the one. Wow, shout out to me, man. Shout out to me. I'm in damn I'm sorry, I took myself back thinking about that. But the breakthrough came when I remember like my my second or third session with Mrs. Manley. Because the first one was just like, you know, um, it was like cognitive things asking, you know, have

Accountability And Breaking Family Silence

SPEAKER_00 16:07

you ever thought about harming yourself? Yep, been there, done that. Um do you are you depressed more days and often? And you know, it was kind of just uh paperwork. So I remember it was one of those sessions, it was the second or third, and she she just asked me um a simple question, how did we get here? And I kind of just threw up on her word salads, throwing up, and I left that session like heavy, you know, it it was a lot of emotion, the tears was flowing like fucking Lake Havasu. Um it was uh it was accountability, and it was the first time that I laid it all out on the line, and I took accountability for my part and everything that I've done. Um getting out of my own, getting into my own way, um, the divorce. Um you know, albeit I had good reason to file those papers and leave the the situation that I was in. I also had to acknowledge that I was I was young, I was impatient. Um and some men ain't supposed to speak to women, and even during an argument in the way that I was speaking sometimes to my ex-wife, whether she deserved it or not, you know, you gotta be the bigger person and walk away. Um, nonetheless, that session, even even digging into my childhood, and and and that as I talked about on previous episodes, why I am a child of isolation and I'm cool with being alone and this, that, and the third, it was a breakthrough. Uh, it was like the initial the initial trendies trendiness with profound life-saving reality of what consistent mental health work can actually deliver over years of commitment is astonishing. And I'm so grateful to my therapist uh finding her, and I'm also grateful that my dad, although not the biggest uh advocate of therapy, you know, I think anybody born in the 60s, they've seen so much, they have they're kind of setting their ways. He didn't deter me, he didn't call me crazy, he didn't make fun of me. He I think he met me at a point in my life where, like he said, he was like, you know, I'm gonna always look at y'all as my babies and and just see y'all through them eyes, and I've raised y'all and I've given y'all these life experiences. But it comes to a point where there's nothing else that I can do to get you to the next step. Um, you know, that's gonna be an act of God and also going to be you, you know, as the good book says, faith without works is dead. You gotta want to be better. And I think that was a generational uh curse that was broken. Um, you know, when my mom passed, that was the first time me and my family, my dad, my brother, my sister, we started telling each other we love each we love each other consistently. Um you know, and it being Father's Day, I feel like it's it's appropriate to talk about this and how going to therapy shifted me and my dad's relationship because we've always been close, we've always been close, but now it's like we can unpack those vulnerable moments and we could tell each other we love each other without it being awkward, you know what I'm saying? And it's unfortunate that it took the passing of my mom, his wife of almost 40 years to uh get to that point. But I am grateful that we are here now, and I think like breaking the barrier of silence and learning how to connect to older generations on a deeper, softer level before it's too late is imperative, and it is really imperative now. I don't think that we discussed that enough. So I'm hoping that anybody that is listening to this episode that you just feel uh, you know, just a little a little bit inspired to squash those beasts, man. Tell your kinfolk you love them. Um talk about therapy, but don't be so um overzealous with it, you know. You know, you know how like you know how like there's a there's a person in your hood that is like full of nefarious mischief and they go to church and get baptized on Easter, and then like for like a week or two, they are God is this and God is that and I'm not doing this, and you shouldn't do this. It's like very judgmental, and then by Memorial Day, they back on the pole or back on the pipe. Um, that's kind of how I don't want y'all to be. Do it with love, do it with care, do it with um cautiousness, um, but also intentionality. And I think that if we all, like I said, if we all do a little, um, nobody has to do a lot, especially to my black brothers, man. Do that, do the work on yourself because if if if you can't, if your cup is half empty, like then how you gonna be fully pouring into somebody? I always say that. So I really hope that we can break this barrier of silence here on uh men's mental uh health awareness month, and we can attack these things, the older generation, and then impact the newer generation on a deeper, softer level before it's too late. Because if you look around, man, we're losing a lot, we're losing a lot of legends, we're losing a lot of traditions. Black family reunions are down nearly 75 percent. The black family dynamic is uh is in like a to like a crazy place, it is it's in a very bad place, honestly. And that's another point that I wanted to talk talk about the systemic fracture in the rise of independence. Now, I'm all for independence, I'm all for you know getting your own, but I'm starting to think like, damn,

How Systems Fractured Black Homes

SPEAKER_00 21:51

at what cost did we do this? Because I think a conversation that needs to be had is the Uh individual family healing to the macroeconomic and sociological history of black households since the 1980s. Um, if you look at Juneteenth and we explore the systemic weight weights that black men have had to hone hold on to, it is wild and widely not talked about enough. They have engineered a hell of a plan to divide us, and by they I mean the the government, the CIA, the authors of Project 2025, the Trump administration, the Red Pill Podcast, the Blue Pill Podcast, the Kevin Samuels, the Cheyenne Bryant, the Andrew Schultz, the UFC. If you look at all of this under an umbrella, it is a crazy, crazy, dirty ass trick to divide us. And there's a structural distinction of like the black nuclear family, right? So it wasn't, it was not a natural failure of black men. This was planned. If you go back to the 80s, and we can explicitly break down how the government and the CIA complicitly flooded inner city neighborhoods with crack cocaine in the 1980s, and you paired that with the rapid acceleration of the war on drugs, and then that led to the mass incarceration, uh, the crime bill in the early 90s, it forced a generation of single households. So the immediate aftermath was millions of black fathers were systemically ripped out of their home and locked away, right? And that forced black mothers into survival. And black women had to be build a fierce, absolute independence because the structural damage was done, and the system ensured that they couldn't count on their parents to be physically parent. The kids couldn't count on um both parents to be physically present. I remember my kindergarten classroom. This was uh so I stand I started kindergarten when I was four. That's a wild story, man. I was I was a whiz kid growing up. So uh I talked about this before. You you most people start kindergartening about five or six. So I I mean, by the time I was three years old, you know, I walked home from the babysitters down South Bend Avenue. Um, I knew just how to do the most wild shit at a young age, to put it lightly. So, four years old, you know, I know my address, I know how to write in cursive, I know my states and capitals, and I'm very inquisitive. And I remember there was a time where the teacher asked us, um, you know, who's who's who lives at home. Um, and we were drawing and coloring pictures, and I was one of the only people in my class that had both mother and father at home. Everybody started turning in their pictures, and it was just like a mom or uh a grandmother or even grandparents, but it was like me and one other little girl. Um, her name was Tiffany, and we'll talk about that story another day. Tiffany was actually like my first girlfriend, but she ended up passing away like right two months into the school year. She had a rare uh sickness condition. Um, but you know, we'll we'll talk about that another day. So it was it was only us two, and it was like at a young age, I knew that wasn't right, but I didn't really quite know how to articulate it, and I didn't understand the dynamic of that. But even going back, you know, to that, like man, to be in a classroom of like 25-30 students, it's only two of y'all that got two parents. This is black, too. It's a black school. You only got two parents at home. That shows you the structural damage that was done in the in the 80s. I mean, in the 80s, the height of the crack epidemic is it was it it targeted black neighborhoods, locking locking them into mass incarcerate incarceration and forcing black women to be the primary provider, the role models, like sowing of the seas of survival-driven independence, which is not a bad thing, but at what cost? That's why I said going back to what I what I said earlier, the the systemic fracture, at what cost did it did it cost us for the rise of independence? And I think we're starting to see that. But on the flip side, you had the early 90s, you had the the corporate boom of black women, and that began to aggressively take shape, especially in America, like where black women were now starting to step into the higher corporate tiers and professional spaces that they had been historically overlooked, and it pretty much carved out unprecedented financial paths. I mean, you had like Oprah, like huge, uh, I think she was the first black woman billionaire in around 2000, 2002, 2003, somewhere around there. Um, she was validated as the first female black billionaire, and it just set a historic benchmark. And if you look at what goes on today, I mean, I mean, black you could just take black media, Shonda Rhimes, Issa Ray, uh Lena Waith, uh Ava DuVernay, like we the ownership of uh in black independent wealth and the creation that it deroved from is is it it is uh to be applauded, and I'm grateful, you know, for that. And and now you look you know at the modern era. Um, there I think the data from the National Center of Education Statistics, uh, NCES, they consistently highlight black women as the most highly educated demographic leading the growth for uh post-secondary degrees, master's degrees, doctoral degrees earned. So our black women are the smartest and they the richest, to put it plainly. But the cost of that, I feel is how we're so divided now. I wish I can go back in time and I wish there was a way where all of this could have just happened at the same time, naturally, where we could have highly educated black men and black women keeping the black household and a family dynamic together without one or the other, and that's a dirty fucking trick that all of these outlets, the government that they're playing on us, and I really think that's how we got here today, where there is there's a healing divide. There healing the divide needs to be addressed, and you get like it's getting past the red pill and blue pill, because like just the historical timeline that I just laid out, and you look at now the digital landscape, the relationship right now is in the trash, it's in the gutter. Like, just be like the internet echo chamber, it's it's uh it's a place that is dominated, or like the online landscape is dominated by toxicity. Talk about the red

Escaping The Gender War Algorithm

SPEAKER_00 29:09

pill versus blue pill, the gender wars, the algorithms that profit off it off of making black women and black men hate each other or view each other as enemies. Um that that balloon dating show, I got a real big problem with that. For one, I'm traditional, I'm old school, I believe in like man, I'll meet, you know. Well, I can't say that. I met my lady, my fiance on hinge. I just believe in genuine connection, and I think that's what we had. We had a good conversation, but a lot of the the balloon popping, the highlight of it is like, yo, like y'all really being hella mean to each other. Like, I seen the shorty say she didn't like the way dude had his hair twisted. Then I seen the man say, uh, and this woman was like a doctor and she had a child, and his his reply was something along the lines. I can't remember verbatim, but he was like, you know, any woman that's this successful and don't have um a husband or something, that it's a red flag. I'm like, damn, like what what what is going on with the lack of mutual appreciation for each other? I just I truly, truly don't understand it. And it's almost like we're collectively grieving, but also collectively beefing. Black men and black women don't even appreciate each other, we don't give each other grace anymore, at least not the way we should. I think the independence of black women was born out of some uh systemic survival, and and it seems like black men are resenting that. And don't get me started on the way that black women black men would demean another black woman to lift up another race of women. Now, I'm not Dr. Umar, I don't care who you love, who you date, who you love is who you love. But if you gotta step on black women and overlook them and disrespect them to get to another race of women, there's something wrong with you, my nigga. There's something wrong, like inherently with you. It's almost like the Malcolm Mack speech who taught you to hate yourself? You came out of a black woman, got your name from a black woman, but now you stepping on that black woman to get to another race of women. I don't think that's talked about enough. And there's like a and hear me clear, hear me clear and and good. There's nothing wrong with interracial dating, but if it comes at the cost of you demeaning and disrespecting and devaluing your own race of women, then that's a fucking problem. And you need your ass beat badly, like near grave condition, so you can learn a lesson, and that's where I'm at with it. Like, but, anyways, man, on the flip side of that, the struggle of the black men was also born out of systemic wave uh uh warfare. So neither side is the villain, black woman, you're not the villain. Black men, you're not the villain. This is a dirty fucking trick that was played on us, and we continue to fall for it day in and day out. True liberation. If we're talking this, we just celebrated Juneteenth. So here's the Juneteenth connection, and we'll close the loop. True liberation means freeing our minds from online battlegrounds. We gotta do better, we gotta extend grace, we gotta acknowledge the historical trauma on both sides and rebuild the rhythm of unified love and respect. I think I think Aretha Franklin was on to something, man. I think that song was ahead of its time, and it's such a shame that man we don't really have that no more. And even if you look at the landscape of music, you know what? I think it is time for K Way's gripes, man. Let's let let's break this down from a music perspective. So, Kway's gripes today.

The Death Of Devotion In Music

SPEAKER_00 32:57

It's the death of devotion, right? Oh gosh, I gotta get something off my chest because my spirit has been frustrated for a while of what we are feeding our souls mentally and the heart. So we're sitting here in June, we celebrating Black Music Month, we celebrating freedom, celebrating fatherhood. But I gotta ask a real question. When did our soundtrack become so toxic? When did RB stop standing for rhythm and blues and start standing for revenge and bitterness? I look at the landscape of music today and I shake my fucking head. I throw up in disgust at you young at you young niggas. You young, non-singing, non-beat making, non-writing, non-emotional feeling, non-emotional evoking, tired ass, terrible, bittersweet RB artists, rappers. Nobody is singing from a place of love anymore. Nobody is on their knees begging like Joe to see and Keith Sweat. Nobody is asking if you can stand the rain like new edition. The vibe is I'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me, or I'm gonna quit before you quit me. It's ego, it's situationships, it's flexing how unbothered we are. We've traded vulnerability for venom. And it's not just radios, it's our TV screens. What happened to the imaginary, the imagery of happy black couples? Where's the modern day Robert and Jerry from the parenthood? Where is the the Michael and J. Kyle from My Wife and Kids? Where is the raw ride or die love of Martin and Gina? The culture is starving because we have completely erased the black, the blueprint of black joy and healthy partnership from the mainstream. We are feeding our minds a 24-7 loop of division, and we wonder why red pill versus blue pill internet wars are tearing us apart in real life. You cannot build a legacy on a soundtrack of revenge. We have to bring love back to the center stage. That's my great man. We gotta do better. Woo! Well, the time has come. I said I wasn't gonna be before y'all long, man, but I just wanted to get those points out. I wanted to be pointed in um and intentional and

Drop The Armor And Move Forward

SPEAKER_00 35:33

efficient manner, and I hope I was. I think my brothers, my sisters, we gotta drop the armor. The system tried to rewrite our song decades a double decades ago, but the the composition of our future is still in our hands. Go to therapy, heal your household, love your people, protect your peace. That's the whole reason why I call this heavy on the RB. I'm giving it to you. Straight talk, no tracer, the rhythms, and the blues of life. And you know what I say every week, man, week in and week out. Please put value in yourself, put value in each other, and we'll have a value society. Peace.