Managing Expectations as An Intended Parent

No one likes to hear that their expectations are unrealistic. This is especially true for Intended Parents embarking on a surrogacy journey. But the truth of the matter is that no two surrogacy journeys are the same, and if Intended Parents are unwilling to budge on certain expectations, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Whether it be regarding costs, timelines, chances of success, or even levels of involvement, it is important to manage expectations to get the most from a surrogacy journey. 

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Welcome to Surrogacy Talk with me, your fabulous host and family building expert, Frank Golden. I'll be talking about surrogacy, IVF, and making babies. Hello and welcome to Surrogacy Talk. I'm Frank Golden, the agency director and founder of Golden Surrogacy. And I have a wonderful topic to discuss with all of you today. I'll be going over Intended Parent expectations for the surrogacy journey. But before I dive into that, I would like to ask all of you to like and subscribe. We are on Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere you can stream podcasts. Thank you. Now, expectations around a surrogacy journey. Here at Golden, as a former Intended Parent, I want all of our Intended Parents in my program to have a really great journey just as I did. And a lot of that, regardless of outcome, and trust and believe when I say I want you to have a successful outcome, a lot of what determines a successful outcome is expectations from the beginning and there are a few key questions that I would like Intended Parents to kind of take a pause and ask themselves and make sure that you've set these expectations before diving right into your surrogacy journey. And the first would be cost. Do you have proper and clear guidance on what your surrogacy journey is going to cost? You never want to begin a journey, get halfway through, or perhaps all the way to the end, and then have resentment with your agency because it just wasn't what you were expecting and you spent way more money than you had budgeted because you feel that you received inaccurate information. Set these expectations for yourself in the beginning. Seek that information out, partner with a reputable agency like us here at Golden, and we will get that information to you. Trust me, I don't want you to start your journey with the wrong information when it comes to cost, because at the end of the day, when you have your baby and your family is created and you are super happy and thrilled with us and your Surrogate, I don't want you then to be mad because of the cost, because you feel that we didn't give you that information. So cost. The second one would be the timeline, asking yourself, what is the timeline? And when I say that I mean, how long is it going to take to match with a potential Surrogate? How long is it going to take from start to finish? From the time that we signed the retainer agreement, to the time that we actually have a baby. So you want to ask about matching with your Surrogate as well as overall timeline. And this is usually one of the larger points of contention because the timeline factor varies greatly from agency to agency. And it is one of the things that is a contributing factor to that decision making process when trying to select an agency, a lot of Intended Parents will go with the agency that quotes the fastest timeline. Only then to realize that it was patently false. And I'm not saying that's every agency, but in a lot of cases the timelines being quoted are not accurate. And you need to understand what they are and set those expectations in your mind so you know what to expect. The third item would be chances of success. Okay, so let's recap you know what the costs are, you know what the timeline is, but say all of that comes together and you have your embryo transfer with your Surrogate and you really didn't have clear expectations set around the first embryo transfer. Is it going to be successful? Is there a chance that you might have to undergo a second embryo transfer with your Surrogate and what does that look like? And then kind of relating back to cost, when you do have subsequent transfers, the cost then can increase. So this kind of ties into that expectation as well. But understanding that your first embryo transfer may not be successful, that is a very important question to consider because if you are thinking that you are going to have first embryo transfer success and everything is going to be perfect, you may be in for a rude awakening. It's important for Intended Parents to understand that surrogacy journeys are not linear from point A to point B, there may be some obstacles or hurdles in there, and you need to understand what they are so that you can tackle them and be in a really clear head space to be able to bounce back from that and be optimistic about tackling your surrogacy journey and moving forward to success. And then the fourth item would be asking yourself, what is my commitment? As an Intended Parent what am I expected to do? Yes, you are expected to have a certain level of commitment, both with the agency, being response to the agency communication. Here at Golden, we'll be reaching out to you to see how you're doing. So we fully expect to be able to get a hold of you and discuss your journey with you. But more importantly than our stake in the process, following up with your commitments, your Surrogate will be heavily reliant upon really great communication and knowing that she's got a trusted partner in you is her Intended Parents that are being very committed to the process and being a part of that pregnancy. So understanding how much time that takes properly, formulating a communication rhythm or cadence that coincides with your availability and really understanding again, what your commitment is for your journey. And so overall, understanding the cost, the timeline, the chances of success and then what your specific commitment level in your surrogacy journey is. These four items are so important to make sure that, again, as I said in the beginning of this segment, regardless of outcome and if you stick with it, you will be successful, but regardless of outcome that you are entering your surrogacy journey with clear expectations in the right headspace. Now, one final piece of advice here that I would like to offer to Intended Parents is oftentimes in my consultations when Intended Parents ask me for good general advice. It always comes back to expectations, and it may not be these four specific items, but around expectations setting I always say that it is important to understand that at every stage of your surrogacy journey, you are setting expectations around what another person or group of people is are going to do for you, whether they be your Surrogate or if you are embarking on a journey with an egg donor. Her success, your Surrogate's success, the treatment that you may be receiving from your clinical team, the surrogacy agency and the list goes on. You are setting expectations around other people, and people inherently are not perfect. Mistakes can happen and it's important to know that and allow yourself to be forgiving and understanding. What's also important is that if you have embarked upon your surrogacy journey with amazing resources and that starts here Golden, we will make sure that you are partnered with the absolute best in the industry. Know that if mistakes happen, we're on it. We're here to support you. We are here to get you right back on track to make sure that you have a successful outcome. But understanding that we are people and being forgiving and generous and knowing that you are partnered with the best, that again puts you in a better headspace to be able to bounce back from those obstacles. And move forward in a successful way. So once again, this segment has been about expectations. Intended Parents having proper expectations set at the beginning of your surrogacy journey so that you can have a successful outcome and be in the proper headspace as you embark upon this beautiful thing that we call a surrogacy journey and building your family. Once again, I am Frank Golden and this is my Surrogacy Talk. I thank you so much for tuning in, and I encourage you to all like and subscribe, especially if you found this helpful. We can be found on Spotify, YouTube, anywhere that you stream podcasts. If you have additional questions about expectations, or perhaps how I navigated my own surrogacy journey with expectations that maybe I set for myself, please feel free to send in questions you can tweet me @GoldenSurrogacy. You can send in DMS to my Instagram@Golden_Surrogacy. I am here. I am ready to answer your questions. At the end of the day, I want you to have your expectations set properly so that you can begin your surrogacy journey in the best light and in the best headspace to be successful. And once again, I am Frank Golden reminding you that Everyone Deserves a Family.