Sibling Journeys

Welcoming a child through surrogacy is an extraordinary experience, and for many, the journey doesn’t end with just one. But how does preparing for a second differ from the first? In this Surrogacy Talk, we’ll explore the emotional readiness it takes, the financial considerations involved, and how to prepare your first child for a sibling. Above all, Golden is here to help you navigate the decisions around growing your family with clarity and confidence.

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Welcome to Surrogacy Talk with me, your fabulous host and family building expert, Frank Golden. I'll be talking about surrogacy, IVF and making babies. Hi, everyone. Frank Golden, here, from Golden Surrogacy, and this is Surrogacy Talk. Before I get started, I would like to kindly ask that you please like and subscribe to Surrogacy Talk on YouTube and anywhere else that you consume your content. Also, don't forget to check out our fantastic blog at goldensurrogacy.com. Thank you so much for tuning in and for considering Golden Surrogacy, your trusted source for surrogacy information. 20 to 30% of our Intended Parents that have gone through Golden Surrogacy to create their families are interested in returning for a sibling journey. But what does that process look like? What does it look like financially? What does it look like emotionally? Are they interested in working with the same Surrogate or do they have embryos? There are so many questions to be asked. As a former Intended Parent and agency director that has been assisting couples and individuals now for well over a decade, I would love to go through very specific questions and answer them for you, and hopefully provide some really great perspective. So let's get started. So before starting a sibling journey, there are a few some questions here to be asked internally as a couple or as an individual doing this. The first question to ask, or the first tips that I can provide for you as Intended Parents when considering a sibling journey, would be to ask a few important questions to yourself regarding are you prepared emotionally and emotionally is an individual thing, but it's also a dynamic thing. So if you are in a relationship, or even if you're a single intended parent looking outward, look at your support circle, look at your extended family, and considering how a sibling journey will impact you emotionally on that front, as well as if you're in a relationship. Your partner spouse, how did the first journey, the arrival of baby, and that surrogacy journey impact your marriage or your relationship? These are very important things to ask yourself. If you're unsure, or you would like to speak with a professional to ensure that you are feeling prepared emotionally, it's important to look at seeking the help of experienced mental health professionals, therapists, counselors, and not look at that as taboo. I know sometimes we think about mental health as being taboo, but it's really not. And you really want to make sure that you're going through your surrogacy journey, especially if it's a sibling journey and you already have one baby at home that you're doing it on the best footing possible. And being mentally prepared, emotionally prepared is vital to that. Secondary would be, of course, financially. You really want to be able to start your sibling journey off on the right footing and being able to put together a financial plan that takes into consideration how you plan on supporting baby number one all the way through the age of 18 when they go off to college. And can you do that for for a second baby all the way until they go off to college? And how does that look for your own unique family makeup, while not compromising the integrity of your lifestyle needs? And that is vitally important. A key question often asked when considering a sibling journey is, how soon can we get started because we'd like our children to be close in age? So I would like to address the age gap question, and let me just start by saying that as a former Intended Parent, when Adam and I started out, we certainly were hopeful for two children born at the same time. And this was this was back when transferring two embryos was kind of, you know, normal. Everyone did that trying to have twins. And since the science has changed, the risks are more well known and single embryo transfers is certainly what we advocate for now. And so more and more Intended Parents are doing what is known as, SET, single embryo transfer with the hopes of having one healthy baby. So the age gap question is very relevant. Let me just say about this having an age gap, actually, and this is certainly true in my own experience, does end up being helpful. And I can certainly speak from experience with our own two. We have, you know, the time of this recording. We have a 12 year old and an eight year old. And let me just say that the four year age difference between them is actually fantastic for us as parents because our daughter, who's the older one, is able to help, help watch our son, which is really great. She's able to guide and mentor because everything that he's about to learn is still fresh in her head. So it helps academically. It helps with things around the house. It it just from a parenting perspective, it helps give you much more peace of mind than what you may be considering. Now on the front end of expanding your family because you're not looking years into the future. But let me just say, there is, some grace there to be had when your children are not both super young and in diapers. So if it ends up being a situation where your sibling journey is a little bit delayed or not happening as quickly as you would like it to be, just know that there are some positives there to be had with an age gap, and I would not, let this be something that deters you or causes you to have, you know, a negative outlook regarding your sibling journey. At the end of the day, when your second child is born, you're not going to look at them and say, “man, I really love little Susie, but I wish she had been born, you know, two years earlier.” No one says that you are going to love your child regardless. And like I said, the age gap ends up being in your favor. Lastly, when considering a sibling journey as an Intended Parent, it's important to look at the items that I have discussed here, which would be preparing both emotionally and financially, and also preparing your current family unit for that sibling journey and considering what steps you will take to to ensure a smooth transition. And then second to that would be preparing your first child for that transition as well, the arrival of a new sibling. What does that look like? Creating some positive camaraderie around that. Because remember the sibling journey not only will impact your dynamic, but it will also impact the dynamic of the child that you already have. So this is also a consideration to have, top of mind. So as you consider your sibling journey, remember that it's not just about expanding your family, but it's about finding balance and preparing everyone involved. So whether you're thinking about the age gap or you're thinking about the financial aspects of that journey, or preparing your current child, depending on their age and, you know, do they understand what's happening? It's very important that you are preparing. So that's really the common theme of of embarking upon a sibling journey is just being prepared and asking these questions in a thoughtful way. Take your time, ask questions, lean on your support system. If you're here with Golden Surrogacy and we are helping you facilitate the sibling journey, certainly lean on us. As I mentioned, seeking the help of counselors and therapists to help realize these dreams by making sure that you are prepared emotionally is very important. At Golden, we are here to guide you every step of the way. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you think of any questions or you have any comments, perhaps future content ideas, please do get in touch. I would love to hear from you. I can be contacted at our Instagram handle, which is @golden_surrogacy. And once again I am Frank Golden reminding all of you that Everyone Deserves a Family.