GOD'S BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A HOME | Pastor Will Hawk | March 15th, 2026

We open Colossians 3:18–4:1 and let God’s design for a household confront our instincts, our excuses, and our scorekeeping. We keep returning to the same aim: serve the Lord Christ first, and let that reshape marriage, parenting, work, and the way we use authority.

• why this passage creates tension for every role in the room 
• the hierarchy of a godly household as an aspiration, not a weapon 
• why this is about household order more than a generic gender debate 
• God’s design confronting what culture calls sensible 
• service replacing scorekeeping and moving Jesus back to the center 
• why Scripture starts with service before authority 
• wives submitting in the Lord with safeguards and humility 
• husbands loving without harshness and using truth with rejoicing 
• a real-life look at how tone changes hard conversations 
• encouragement for singles, divorced, and widowed to rejoice in Christ’s faithful love 
• children obeying because it pleases the Lord 
• fathers disciplining without provoking, vexing, or discouraging 
• bondservants and masters as a complex relationship under a higher Master 
• the Exodus 21 image of pierced belonging pointing to the cross and a new family

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Transcript

Welcome And Scripture Reading

Karen Hawk 0:46

All right, please turn in your Bibles to Colossians chapter three, which is on page 984 in the Pew Bibles, and follow along as I read God's word.

Will Hawk 0:57

As you guys are flipping there, a couple of things. Number one, in the event that we this is my wife, Karen Ann. I I know that sometimes people are new. And so, yeah, all right, you got one fan. Good for you. Um, and my name's Will. All right, uh I wanted to mention that because it is important. My wife was not originally supposed to read this passage for us this morning.

Karen Hawk 1:20

Yeah, when I read it, I was like, you son of a gun.

Will Hawk 1:23

I looked back at him like We had we had somebody last minute have to drop out, and I was like, Oh, my wife will read. She's she's awesome, she's great at it. And then I handed it to her and I went, Oh. Yeah, I I read through it real quick. I didn't even think about it. We're just gonna go back to it.

Karen Hawk 1:38

To make sure there was no weird like cities or something.

Will Hawk 1:41

Yeah, so we're just gonna call it from the Lord and it means.

Karen Hawk 1:45

Let's key in on 19, okay, men. All right, Colossians chapter 3, verse 18. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bond servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service, as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you have a master in heaven. This is the word of the Lord.

Why This Passage Creates Tension

Godly Household Order Explained

Culture Versus God’s Design

Serving Christ Ends Scorekeeping

Service Before Authority In Marriage

Husbands Love With Rejoicing Truth

Hope For Singles Divorced Widowed

Children Obey And Parenting Tools

Fathers Discipline Without Provoking

Bondservants Work Heartily For Christ

Reflect Respond And Next Steps

Will Hawk 2:53

Thank you, sweetie. Hey, you can leave that. I'll keep it. Thanks. As she was as she was reading, I had so much fun because I got to make eye contact with my kids. They got to make eye contact with me. I I don't know if you know this. Um, whenever I'm writing sermons, that there are a few things. I've done this for years. I just never kind of invite people behind the curtain. I love teaching the Bible. I think most of you guys know that. I love teaching people how to teach the Bible. I don't know if you know that. And at the beginning of almost every sermon, I spend time thinking, how do I arrange for tension? How do I on the front end cause people to lean in? And I was like, I get a pass on that today. Because as we're reading this, every one of us has a term that applies to us in the room. Everyone in the room is either a husband, a wife, or a child. And I am convinced that is 100% true. You also find that fathers get swung into this as well. And so as we read through this, as we kind of work through this, just one encouragement: watch your heart's emotion and response and watch the way that your mind engages. That the only thing that outpaces the ability of a human to justify themselves is the grace of God. That is it. And so let today, as we read what used to be non-controversial, as we read what is now a controversial statement out of God's word, allow yourself to not only look at the word of God, but to look inward as well and invite the Holy Spirit. Okay, if I'm pushing against this, if if there is some level of rebellion in your word, if there's some fighting in this, I just hope that the Lord brings it up to you so that you are able to see it. As we talk about fathers and mothers and children and parenting, I just want to take a moment to remind you we have two more weeks of the four-week parenting study that we've been doing as a church on Wednesdays at 6:30. No, it's at 6, isn't it? It's at 6. Thank you, thank you, thank you. At six o'clock. By the way, they don't stack, they don't build. So if you didn't make the first two, that's fine. But this one is on mealtime and family devo. And then the 25th is on disciplining your kids and how to do that as discipleship. Now, as we look at wait, what? Oh, that's right. Thank you. Eventually I'm gonna get to preach. All right. We were gonna do a 127 breakout, but we felt like that was a little much and not the best context. And so that uh foster care and adoption care, you'll see that in the future. This Wednesday is just gonna be pure parenting. All right. Is everybody who has influence over my world okay for me to now? Okay, great. Colossians 3, 18 through 4.1. You'll notice we went into 4-1. There's a reason that I did that. Uh it is because whether you're talking about wives or husbands, children, fathers, bondservants or masters, this whole paragraph that you are looking at on the screen right now, it is the hierarchy of order in a godly household. This is God in short form, Cliff Notes version, saying this, you're never gonna achieve this perfectly, but if you want to know what to aspire to in your home, this is what God sets up as the standard of order in a godly house. I I also want to mention this. Most of us are gonna read this and see gender. I think that would be a bit of a mistake. This is not primarily a gender topic, although it is certainly using gendered categories. It's not saying women to men, it's saying wives to husbands. So the context here is less about gender and more about household order, not a blanket claim that men have authority over women in the general sense, but what it looks like to order your home. Last thing I'll say. I I want to be as balanced and biblically accurate in my preaching of this as I can. And I think sometimes men get pounded on very hard from the pulpit. Some people probably feel like women receive similar treatment. I am not going 50-50 here. And I want to explain to you why. I'm giving the guys 51%. Let me explain before you the re it's not Will's call, it's because God talks about fathers and not mothers. So the text actually spends a little bit more time on the men in this than it does on the women. Moms aren't mentioned, and so guys, you get a double dose of this. And why are mothers not included? Are they not valued? Do they not need instruction? Obviously, that is not the case, but it is elevating the importance of the role that husbands and fathers play in the household. And the Bible's never been shy about that. So, with all of those things, let's look at the hierarchy and order of a godly household. Most of you in this room are not children in the sense that we typically use the term, but don't tune out when we get there. You all are. In fact, many of you are children to parents, parents who may be aging and trying to figure out how to navigate that. So again, just key in as the Holy Spirit keys in. As you open this text, here is what you will find: wives, comma, submit. Husbands, comma, love, children, comma, obey. This looks like a slide on a screen. It is not. This is a direct quote out of scripture. As God begins ordering the household in the way that he designed it to bring the apex amount of joy and blessing and purpose, this is the word that he chose for each of us. He looks at the wives in the room and he says, Of all the words I would begin with, submit would be the one that I would lead with. Husbands, I would tell you to love. Children, I would tell you to obey. He goes further and he says, Wives, when you submit, it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, when you love, let me double down on this. You need to be cautious in the way that you treat, speak to, the tone that you use, your demeanor, your body posture, that you would not be harsh. And he speaks both to the husband's wife as well as to that man's children. Children in the room. The Bible makes it super clear. The first word for correct order is that you obey. Obey in what? Well, in everything. Well, why? Because this pleases the Lord. It is easy to see in the text that husbands, wives, oh no, wives, children, this is God's short form order for the house. Now, the moment I say this, even though I I wanted to give you a moment to prepare your hearts and to get you to start seeing what it was that you began to feel as we read through this, there's something Christian you need to know. Unbeliever in the room who is checking out the claims of Christ. There's something you must know before we read any more than about six words in this passage. God's design often confronts what your culture is going to call sensible. And it's going to do that in the home, it's going to do that in marriage. It's going to do that in gender. It's going to do that with money. It's going to do that with time. It's going to do that with energy. Almost anything in the world that you would get from just looking around, reading a paper, watching TV, almost any system that you put your eyes in, God's design is often going to confront what your culture calls sensible. Well, why is that? It's because your predisposition, your natural disposition, is to not see the world, to not see yourself, and to not see the people around you the way God intends for you to. In the event that you need proof, I'll give you one of my favorite passages on it out of Romans 8. For the mind that is set on the flesh, this is uh the Bible's word of saying the unregenerate mind, the unsaved mind, the unsanctified mind, the mind that you are given when you breathe your first breath and the sin that was knit into you as a descendant of Adam. The mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God. Not neutral, not considering the claims, not weighing it out. Your natural disposition is to turn your back on God's design in this world. For it does not submit to God's law. Indeed, your mind cannot submit to God's law. You may read this and be like, man, that is a harsh passage. This is an awesome passage. This is a wonderful passage. Because when you were a teenager and you were constantly wrestling with, why can't I stop this sin? When you were a kid, when you were an adult, no matter what age you're in, when you wrestle with, why does sin keep winning? I I don't even want to want this thing that I want. That's Romans 7, by the way. Take a jump back to the left if you want to read about that. Here's the good news you couldn't do it. You had no ability to grit your teeth and white knuckle the steering wheel of the decision-making of your life. Your mind, set on the flesh, could not submit to God's law. So much so that those who are in the flesh cannot please God. Now that would be a terrifying reality if the scripture stopped there. Christian, receive this as a kindness from God. Receive this as an encouragement for all of the moments we're going to have as we continue in this text. Christian, you, however, are not in the flesh. That is who you used to be. It is who you once were. But now in you is the Spirit of God dwelling. So that whatever you do, working heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward, you are serving the Lord Christ. Wives, you can do this. Husbands, you can do this. Children, you can do this. Fathers, you can do this if and only if your heart and mind has been changed by God. And the good news is, he is still in the heart and mind changing business. And you are one prayer of repentance away and asking to be filled by his spirit. Now, here's the thing. If you do not believe this, if you don't believe that you were born into this world with a mind that is opposed to the things of God, let me tell you what your life is gonna look like. It's gonna look like every bit of American culture. It's gonna be endless social posturing. You're gonna see husbands, you're gonna see wives, and what you're gonna go to is a TV show or a reel or a book where you have women on one side talking about my husband is unfair, this. You're gonna have guys on the other side saying, Well, I'm not dating because of this, this, and this. And it is endless social posturing to where both sides take this, and the men want to get as much as they are giving and maybe one ounce more. And the women want to get as much as they are putting in and maybe one ounce more. And what tends to fall from our mouth is, you know, he really doesn't deserve fill in the blank. She really doesn't deserve fill in the blank. And I want you to take all of those realities which you've, if you have ever opened your phone to social media, it is unavoidable to see it. And I want to remind you of this reality. That is what the world will do with gender. It's what it will do with marriage. But here is what God's word does with it, with it. We serve. You see, this little passage, I took off my band because I was in a wedding recently and I forgot it, and now I've had it every week until we get to the very verse that we have been memorizing as a church. When we read this, whatever you do, work hard as for the Lord, not for men. And to do so, you must know something. You must know that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. Seven times in this passage, the scripture says, in the Lord, as is fitting, in the Lord, submission to the wives, love to the husband, obedience to the kids. It is all tucked inside obedience to Christ. No one gets a blank check for sin or abuse or tyranny or provoking. Every single one is called to service. Service the way Christ serves. In fact, that reality is the single biggest difference in being a godly husband, a godly wife, and a godly child. Let me prove it to you. What I what I what my wife has read to you talked about all of those categories, and then what might feel like an island of a scripture appears and it continues on into correctly ordering your house. Your phone's over there, by the way. All right. When you look at this last passage, here's what we realize. In our homes, it is never about the dishes, it is never about the diapers, it is never about the dollars, it is never about the discipline, and it is never about the dog. Who's supposed to feed it, who's supposed to take it out? Do you know what it is about? It is about the fact that when wives submit in the Lord and husbands love in the Lord and children obey in the Lord, all of a sudden they begin serving the Lord Christ. Which means, wives, you are not submitting to your husband so much as you are submitting to Christ and peripherally submitting to your husband. It means, husbands, you are not just loving your wife at times when she is difficult. You are working heartily in whatever you do, knowing there is a reward waiting for you when you serve the Lord Christ. And peripherally, your wife receives that love. Children, the same. You are not serving your husband, you are not serving your wife, you are not serving your parent, in so much as you are serving the Lord Christ. And if you will believe this, it will do something fantastic under your roof and inside your front door and around your kitchen and around, you know, whatever it is, the backyard, here's what it will do. Every single person in this room will stop being the main character of their story. You have to. How can a wife submit and still be the main character? How can the husband love the way that scripture calls? How can a child obey and say, This is what I want, but this is what my parents want? The moment we do all of those three things, we shrink back as the main character in our own story. We realize that there is a bigger character in the story, that we are supporting caste, and that is a wonderful thing. You were never built to carry the load of being the main character. If I were to put it differently, when you see these things, what I think God's word is simply saying is men be better than Adam, women be wiser than Eve, children be kinder than Cain, and learn to love your role as supporting caste to Christ. It is significantly more about him than it is any other little soul or mouth that runs or anger that pops off in your home. It is you serving Christ. To put it simply, in God's design of the home, service replaces scorekeeping. This is why love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. Let me give a counseling word towards this. I'm giving you the design through God's word for the hierarchy of a godly household. Now, you may be receiving this in a convictional way. In a sense, I hope you are. I hope you receive it in an encouraging way. Christian, you can do this. But I also want you to realize there are times, and it happens frequently, where God calls the pastors of a church in the hierarchy of this household to step in. And if you feel like, well, the reason I'm keeping score is because my marriage, my life, my parents are so unfair. Let me just give you the invitation to invite in any of the pastors or elders in this church. I think every one of them can do a very good job of playing a non-partial role, except for wanting to see your home serve the Lord Christ. Wives, why does the Bible start with you? It's rhetorical, but if somebody wanted to throw something out, I would have taken it. Can we agree? That seems bizarre. Wouldn't we expect it to start with the men? Why? Well, I want you to notice the pattern, but to see it, I kind of have to pull out a few verses here. Wives submit, husbands lead them. Children obey as the fathers lead them. Bondservants, I'll touch on that in a minute, obey as the masters lead them. What begins first in the order of God's word? Service or authority. What's first? Service. Time and time again. In all of the orders of a household, what God begins with is not the authority. Here's how you lead, here's what you do, here's how you order it. He actually looks at the one that is serving, he looks at the one that is under the leadership, and he begins there. Why? Because this is the nature of scripture itself and the reality of Christ. Even the Son of Man, who owns all things, spoke all things into be, holds it in his very hand, your own soul and the entirety of the solar system and the cosmos, the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Why do we walk in this room and praise the name of Jesus and pray in the name of Jesus and read word the word in the name of Jesus? Well, because when he was found in human form, humility, submitting to his father, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore, for that reason, because of his service, God highly exalted him. He bestowed on him the name that is above every single name. It always in scripture begins with service, service before authority. Wives, this is why it begins with you. It begins with service. And the scripture does not say submit if he's loving. It does not say submit if you agree. In practice, submission can feel like a relief rather than diminishment. With many competing demands of children and home, it can be a glad thing to entrust certain burdens to a husband who is responsible and better equipped. Do you know how fun it is to be a guy and read that? Do you know how much more fun it is for me to tell you this was a woman in the church who said this while we were studying this passage together in a small group. Of people. And that was just a little thing I prepared for the ladies in the room because I know the way my wife's heart works. She's like, you want to talk about how glad submission is? Really? Like, you want to talk about it? Let's switch roles for just a minute. As we were working through the text, this was something that came up in the preaching primer. I would again tell you seven times the word says to do this as is fitting in the Lord. A quick application. Women in the room specific, wives in the room specifically, but men, you can lead in this. They don't have to. In fact, it would be a kindness for them not to be the one that begins this conversation. It is a terrifying thing to be a woman and put your life in the hands of a man. Not knowing if the man you marry is who he truly claims to be, not knowing how life or brokenness or sin or despair might change him in the years to come. It's a terrifying thing to trust your life in the hands of a man. Might I give you one very easy way to make it simpler for her? My wife and I have been married over 20 years at this point. And I think on day one, I told her, if you ever, I uh we're gonna have a back and forth here to see if I'm accurately preaching to the congregation. I've told her, if you ever feel like my leadership is suspect or sinful, I would invite you to invite one of the pastors in and his wife so that we can sit down together. That has a non-expiration date on that ticket. If you ever doubt my leadership, if it ever feels suspect to selfishness or sin, I am saying yes at any time to sit with any pastor and his wife in the room because I don't trust me. That's why I can justify anything that I do, and so can you. We are exceedingly good at it. Husbands, wives, I'm moving on now. You're good. All right, husbands. It doesn't say love if she's submitting, it says husbands, love your wives. And since love can sort of be a vague thing, I love my wife, of course I love my wife. Let me give you a more biblical definition. Love is patient, it is kind, it is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way. Oh, I skipped, apologies, does not envy or boast, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing. I'd intended to cover up the last one, but if you saw it before I got to it, just keep that to yourself. Husbands, what does it mean when scriptures tell you to love your wives? Husband, be patient with your wife. Husband, I need you to lead your wife through kindness, not envy or boasting, not being arrogant or rude. A loving husband is not insisting on his own way. He is not easily irritable, he is not resentful of past wrongs that causes him to question any future right, and he does not rejoice at wrongdoing. That one's tougher for me, but here's what I think it looks like. He's not rejoicing when the thing he wanted didn't happen and it went really poorly. Okay? It's like, well, if you want to just listen to me, uh-huh. We don't rejoice at those things. This is what it is to be loving according to God's word. Now, if you've been married for a minute, you can look at this list and say, flag on the field, how on earth am I supposed to leave? I mean, honestly, it if a decision has to be made and we disagree on it, and I'm endlessly patient, how are we gonna make the decision? If I'm endlessly kind, can I never bring up anything that is an issue in the home? Envious and boasting make sense, and I do need to make sure I'm not arrogant or rude, but what do you mean not insist on my own way? If my own way is the way that we're going to go, how am I supposed to go that way without insisting on it? How am I not supposed to get irritable or resentful? I think most people who have led in the past would say, What about just telling the truth? Can I do that? I mean, isn't Christ coming in grace and truth? Can I get a little bit of grace and then hit truth? The problem is, men, you use grace in a lowercase G and truth in a capital T. And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace. But here is the truth. So why is it when God's word defines what love is, that truth is the very last word that he uses. A truth that exists, but it exists in a tone of rejoicing. Because what God's word is saying is after you have been patient, husbands, after you have been kind, once she can see your non-boasting, arrogant rudeness, once she has seen you're not insisting on your own way, but are prayerful to find God's. Once she has seen you not get irritable or resentful, once she has seen you not rejoice at wrong, then husbands, bring in the truth. But there is a way to do it. There's a way to bring in truth that is rejoicing. Let's have a little bit of fun with this. Uh, bedtimes. All right. I'm just gonna go with something because a handful of you guys have kids. I know that because we always have tons of problems having enough volunteers in kids' ministry. Please serve in kids' ministry. I'm assuming you have to put them to bed. It has been a fight in our home for a fair bit of time. We've kind of figured it out a little bit, but the kids have also aged up a little bit, so it's not quite as important. Or maybe it is, and somebody's gonna tell me about it. I don't really care. But there is a way for me to go to my wife and say this we never get the kids to bed on time. It's the truth. Do we not want to spend a minute together? Can we not have a moment to laugh on our phones or watch a TV show? Is there no world in which we can do this? Is it true? Yes. But am I rejoicing in truth? No, it's turned into a sledgehammer. What does rejoicing in truth look like in the exact same scenario? Baby, I love you. I love you more than anybody else on the planet. I want to spend time with you more than anyone else on the planet. And I can't do that if this little kid won't get out from under my leg. I I want to watch TV with you. I want to hear about your day. I want to pray with you, and I want to pray for you. I want to laugh with you. And maybe we can do some other things as well. We don't have to, but here's the point. If the kids never go to bed, I don't get to enjoy that time with you, and I want to enjoy it. That was too funny for y'all. Like that, that's real life stuff. There's a way to talk about it with rejoicing. You can do the same thing with money. By the way, I do a lot of marriage counseling. I'm just picking things that tend to be primary things. We can be very forthright with the truth. We can't afford this. We keep spending too much money on that. What is going on here? When are we going to get this right? That's true. But there's another way to say, isn't it amazing how well God has prepared for us? Has blessed us. Isn't it amazing that God has been so kind to us in this way and this way and this way? I want to see his continued blessing and I want us to continue to be generous. I think we need to sit down and lovingly think about some of our expenses because I want our home to be ordered in building the kingdom of God, not the kingdom of the hawk household. That again comes after the entirety of the list. Hard transition. If you are in this room and you are not married, I've talked about husbands and wives. If you are in this room and you are divorced, if you are in this room and you are widowed, may I give you an encouragement? And I don't think this is some sort of consolation prize. I think this is as much truth as anything else I have or will say. Not married, divorced, or widowed. This is your list of who your husband in Christ is. If you're not a believer, you don't have this. And my great encouragement would be that you would repent of your sins and put your faith in Christ, that you would be brought into that family. But if I was in one of those three categories, I would work on this list, but I would actually do it backwards. I never have to worry about Christ being patient. I never have to worry about him being kind. He doesn't envy or boast, and he's not arrogant. So I would start at the bottom and I would rejoice with the truth that though my emotions may at times feel alone, I am never alone when the Spirit of God is with me, and when I remember that I have been bought with the blood of Christ to be brought into a family where he calls me his bride. That is a truth that I can rejoice. I can find that Christ is never irritated with me. He is not resentful, he doesn't insist on his own way. He will let me know what his way is. But of the million times I have turned my back on him and not submitted to his authority, he has yet to turn his back on me. He's not arrogant, he's not rude, he doesn't envy or boast, always shows me kindness and always shows me patience. If that feels like a consolation prize to you, might I remind you that if your mind is set on the flesh, you will not be able to find joy in this. You, Christian, are not in the flesh. This is your husband, Christ. We move to children. Children are primarily called to obey. I I love the fact that a lot of you guys bring your kids in. I know you do it for a lot of different reasons. Some of you bring your kids in because you don't trust anybody on that hall with your little baby. I'm okay with that. Some of you bring your kids in because you're like, I want them to have some good, heavy teaching. I don't need them coloring a sheet. They can do that on a Tuesday. I'm fine. I'm pumped they're here. Some of you don't trust your little rascal, and you're like, I don't need a conversation on the end of this Sunday. For whatever reason you bring your kids in, you picked a good one today. All right? Kids, I'm talking to you. Obey your parents in everything. In the things that make sense to you and the things that do not. In how late you get to stay up, the screen time that you get, the friends that you spend time with, whether you spend the night or do not spend the night in everything. Obey your parents. Why? Because they're always right, not even close. Because this pleases the Lord. One of the things that Scripture makes very clear is children are treated as moral agents, able to make decisions, and simply obeying is a way that they can honor Christ through the ordinary means of the home. A couple of books that I would recommend, one from early in my uh parenting and having children, one late. Shepherding a Child's Heart. Uh, that book has been out for at least 20 years. Still my favorite when it comes to how to care for the heart of your children. And then right now, our church is working through habits of the household. I already mentioned we're going to be talking about discipline on the 25th on a Wednesday evening. Childcare is provided. Now, the passage speaks to fathers next. And it says, Fathers, I don't want you to provoke your children. Well, what does it mean to provoke them? The Greek word here basically means don't vex them, don't confuse them needlessly. By the way, Ice one more time, I'm not talking to moms. I love this so much. It's like Paul's writing from a jail cell as a single guy. Aren't we glad he was filled with the Spirit of God? Otherwise, you'd be like, I mean, what is this guy doing? Okay. And he's writing and he's like, all right, I got the husbands, I got the wives, I got the kids. Hey, uh, dads, real quick, one quick note. Don't provoke your kids to anger. What do you mean, don't provoke them? How am I not supposed to wrestle this little minion down into submission and rub my beard in his face in a kind of way that hurts just a little bit and irritates it because it brings me joy? How is that not supposed to be one of the great blessings of being a father? What does it mean to provoke your children? Uh moms, I would listen in as well. This is a general truth, even though scripture points it to the husbands and the fathers. We are not to vex our children. We are not to needlessly irritate our children. I had to call one of my kids two days ago on the phone to repent of that. We are not too great. That shouldn't be funny. Who just laughed at my repentance? We shouldn't grieve them, we shouldn't disturb them, and we shouldn't cause them to be angry. If you want a little more definition, Ephesians gives us more fathers. Do not provoke your children. That's what we've read so far, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. What this means is there is a way to not provoke your children without playing hands-off ball because you do need to discipline your kids. You do need to show them what the right way is. You do need to invite them into how they can honor God with their thoughts, feelings, emotions, attitudes, and words. You do need to do this, fathers. Again, this is primarily pointing to you. Well, how on earth, Will, am I supposed to repeat the same thing for the 30th time at the same dinner table and not cause anger to be a part of it? You are going to repeat yourself. And each time it threatens to break you, remember and do not forget how you provoked the Lord. By the way, I'm reading scripture now. That's not Will's opinion. From the day you came out of the land of Egypt until the day you came to this place. This is who God's children are to him. Men and women in the congregation, I am now reading about you. Is one verse enough? No. They stirred him to jealousy with strange gods. We fall in love with a million things that are not worth our love, abominations, and we provoke God to anger. That's not enough either. You have done evil above all who were before you, provoking God to anger. And, parents, don't you hate this? When they turn their back and walk away, guess what? You've done the exact same thing to your heavenly father. Three should be enough. But it's not. They did wicked things, provoking the Lord to anger. I'll give you my favorite one out of Isaiah 65. Who are God's children? All of you in this, let me be careful. All people have done this, but even those who are trusting in Christ have done this. Even those who had believed in God have done this. We are a people who provoke God to his face continually. Now that one hits home. That one hits home because when I see that beautiful little face that looks 50% like me, and it's acting a hundred percent like me, and I both don't like how it's acting and it's reminding me of me, I'm reminded that this is who I have been to the Lord. And there is no amount of provocation from a child that justifies provocation from a parent. A provoking child, to remind you what that is, a vexing, irritating, grieving, frustrating child never excuses a vexing, irritating, grieving, or frustrated parent. The big question in the moment of your frustration is this Am I instructing my children for their good or my sanity? Am I instructing my children for their good or for my benefit? Trust me when I tell you, God has often instructed you while you are causing his sanity to be shaken. While you were causing him to wonder if there really was a benefit to giving you the family name and inviting you into the family home in that moment, are you instructing your children for their good, or are you instructing them because you want a clean house? Are you instructing them for their good, or are you instructing them because you want a kid who has all A's? Are you instructing them for their good or because you want a kid who succeeds in sports in front of others? Have we ever seen God provoke his kids? No. Have we seen him make them wait? Yes. Have we seen God make uh give his children a timeout? Yes. And if your children ever complain, just let them know God's timeout is like 300 years long, okay? Have we seen God discipline his children? Yes. Have we seen him warn them repeatedly? Yes. Does he have to explain his reasoning? No. Have we ever seen God provoke his children? We have not. Now we get to bond servants. Can't we skip this? No one in this in this building has a bond servant in their home. Like, well, we got it. You've already given us enough for the husbands, you've given us enough for the wives. We get it. It's difficult. Do we really have to go? Can't we skip bondservants? Sure. If you want to skip the best part. Bondservants, we think of as slaves. One of the reasons we think of it as slaves is because of our cultural context and slavery in America. We also think about it because wrong key. We also think about it because it uses the term masters in verse one. That is not what a bondservant was. Here's 20 seconds of cultural contextualization for you so that you can properly exegete this passage. Oftentimes a bondservant was coming into that family with a great amount of thanks. They'd lost everything. The farm had been burned or something had been lost. And this father looked around and realized he was not going to be able to take care of his family. So he looked to another person, another household in his area, and he said, Will you take me on? I will serve your house, I will serve your people, your family for a set period of time, so that you will make sure that my children don't starve and that we're okay, that we have shelter over our heads and clothes on our backs. And so he says to those people, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service. Don't just make it look good as people pleasers, but with sincerity of heart. Why you are serving the Lord Christ. Fear the Lord, masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven. The bondservant section is the longest. It is relationally the most complex. These people are neither fully in nor fully out of the household, and they could simultaneously be overburdened or overlooked. And to that, Paul writes, Remember, you too have a master in heaven over you. And that master in heaven invited you all the way in. Christian in the room, God could have given you enough to feed you, clothe you, give you some level of security and safety, and it would be more than you deserved. But he looks at the children who constantly turn their back on him, and he says, I have something better for you. I want to give you my last name. I want to give you infinite access to my home. And there is a little known practice in Exodus 21 that looked like this. If the slave plainly says, I love my master, my wife, my children, I don't want to leave this house. Some of you walk into church and it's so awkward. You haven't been here in 15 or 20 years. Some guy's talking about sin. Your marriage is messed up and it's in shambles, and the guy starts, Wives, submit, husband's love. And you're right, you've got to be kidding me. How did this happen today? There is a world in which we begin to love the very things that are counterintuitive to our mind because we see the fruit that comes if we will trust God's world, God's way. And this person came in and said, I love this house. Then his master shall bring him to God. He shall bring him to the door or the doorpost, and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall be his slave forever. Sounds gruesome. Sounds like, yep, that's some Old Testament stuff right there. What's happening? Your little girl's running off the cleres to get her ears pierced. That's what's happening. She's asking for it. She wants it. Does she know it's gonna be painful? You better believe she knows it. But she wants to be a part of the group of people who are little girls with their ears pierced. In a much more grown, mature, deep way, this man looks and he says, I have a family. God has given me a family. Is he really gonna invite me into a better one? One where the table is always full and protection is always offered, where there is never a question in the midst of summer or storm that he is gonna care for his kids. And what would happen is that individual would go to the front door of the house and he would get his ear pierced. He would put his earlobe on the door, and the master of that house would put in all, it's a metal spike, and he would tap it right through the ear and into the door. Why? Because for the rest of that man's life there was a sign, I am a part of a family I was not born into. And on that door post that every family or friend would walk through, they would see a hole dotted with blood, reminding them of what? We are a family who invites people in. We are a family who realize that it's not just who carries my last name, it is everyone who God carries to the cross. Because his wood was pierced, and his flesh was pierced, and his blood was shed to invite in a whole new family. This is why we work heartily for the Lord. We are not working for men. We're not just trying to submit as wives or love as husbands or obey as kids. No, no, no, no, no. It's much bigger than that. We want to serve the Lord Christ. We want to be the small character. We want to be a supporting caste. And what we want to put on display is that my family is not a family whose name ends with hawk. My family and my home is a family that has been purchased by Christ. That the door would be open, that the blood would be seen. The Christian home is ordered not by cultural instinct, nor by scorekeeping, but by serving the Lord Christ. I offer this to you not primarily by means of conviction, but by means of opportunity. This is the home God wants to build in you. Singles, this is the home he wants you to long for. Widowed, divorced, this is the home he builds with you in his own self. Because this is how God orders this household in such a way that God is constantly creating a brand new, beautiful family. Let's respond together. Take a moment and reflect. If the ushers want to get ready to pass the buckets, we respond in four ways. In a moment, we'll stand and sing, fill out a card if you need to meet with a pastor, give an offering. We'll have people praying on the porch. And I give you two questions to look at as we get ready to do all those things.