{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":10.9,"endTime":14.564,"body":"Navigating a divorce. The first few months of post divorce"},{"startTime":14.612,"endTime":18.436,"body":"is the hardest part of the whole thing. Right. It's."},{"startTime":18.468,"endTime":22.056,"body":"It's the whirlwind of moving parts of"},{"startTime":22.238,"endTime":25.908,"body":"change, life, of decisions, reactions, and frankly, it's"},{"startTime":25.924,"endTime":29.543999999999997,"body":"just exhausting. So, like, there's so many layers to"},{"startTime":29.582,"endTime":33.144,"body":"today's our. Our topic today of getting a"},{"startTime":33.182,"endTime":36.716,"body":"divorce. And just the first couple months after. After divorce,"},{"startTime":36.908,"endTime":40.732,"body":"do you remember yours? Is it a distant memory?"},{"startTime":40.796,"endTime":44.576,"body":"Is it a fog? Do you revisit it? What do"},{"startTime":44.598,"endTime":47.903999999999996,"body":"you remember about that time of your life? I mean, I don't really"},{"startTime":47.942,"endTime":51.62,"body":"revisit it often because it wasn't, like, a fun part."},{"startTime":51.69,"endTime":55.364,"body":"I think that, honestly, the first few months"},{"startTime":55.402,"endTime":59.236,"body":"of that, the separation had been, like, two years, one year"},{"startTime":59.257999999999996,"endTime":62.756,"body":"and a half, something like that. Again, I don't really think about a lot of"},{"startTime":62.778,"endTime":66.36,"body":"it anymore. And so I was kind of used"},{"startTime":66.43,"endTime":70.248,"body":"to living alone, and it's just being me and my kids"},{"startTime":70.334,"endTime":74.168,"body":"and stuff like that. So I do remember having that feeling of, like,"},{"startTime":74.334,"endTime":78.012,"body":"okay, when this is finalized, especially that first"},{"startTime":78.066,"endTime":81.596,"body":"month, am I going to make it? Am I going to be able"},{"startTime":81.61800000000001,"endTime":85.35600000000001,"body":"to get through a month and be okay? And then when I did, I"},{"startTime":85.378,"endTime":88.93,"body":"was like, oh, I'm alive. Okay,"},{"startTime":90.02000000000001,"endTime":93.25,"body":"I can survive. But"},{"startTime":94.18,"endTime":97.808,"body":"that was kind of where I was at. Okay. You're a"},{"startTime":97.81400000000001,"endTime":101.028,"body":"different scenario than me. This is great. So let me ask that question."},{"startTime":101.194,"endTime":105.04400000000001,"body":"So, when you're separated, first you sort of"},{"startTime":105.08200000000001,"endTime":108.32400000000001,"body":"learn to do life alone, but then there's this piece of"},{"startTime":108.36200000000001,"endTime":111.46000000000001,"body":"paperwork. We just need this thing"},{"startTime":111.53,"endTime":114.98400000000001,"body":"signed. But isn't it something's different about the day"},{"startTime":115.022,"endTime":118.872,"body":"before and the day after? Because you're thinking, oh, I'm already single. I'm single."},{"startTime":118.926,"endTime":122.584,"body":"But you're not. And then the day that's like, what is"},{"startTime":122.622,"endTime":125.96000000000001,"body":"that feeling that now it's official."},{"startTime":126.78,"endTime":130.476,"body":"Yeah. No, I agree. I agree. And before, when I was separated, I've never thought"},{"startTime":130.498,"endTime":134.252,"body":"of myself as single because I did"},{"startTime":134.306,"endTime":137.804,"body":"hope that things would be restored and all that"},{"startTime":137.84199999999998,"endTime":141.616,"body":"jazz. Right. Obviously, it didn't, but, yeah, I mean, the day"},{"startTime":141.638,"endTime":144.496,"body":"it was final, it was like, oh, and then you move forward and you're like,"},{"startTime":144.518,"endTime":148.316,"body":"oh, now I'm officially single. The safety net's"},{"startTime":148.348,"endTime":152.096,"body":"gone. It's the tightrope, and you look down, you're like,"},{"startTime":152.118,"endTime":155.90800000000002,"body":"oh, there's nothing to catch me. Yeah. I always say I felt like I"},{"startTime":155.91400000000002,"endTime":159.556,"body":"was jumping off a cliff, and I knew the lord would catch me"},{"startTime":159.65800000000002,"endTime":163.112,"body":"and I'd be okay, but I felt like I was just free"},{"startTime":163.166,"endTime":166.17000000000002,"body":"falling. It's really funny. With me"},{"startTime":167.98000000000002,"endTime":171.448,"body":"in Texas, there's the 60 days you have to wait."},{"startTime":171.614,"endTime":175.324,"body":"Some states, it's a year. You have to wait for what? When you"},{"startTime":175.362,"endTime":179.17600000000002,"body":"file to the day the judge hits the gavel"},{"startTime":179.368,"endTime":182.876,"body":"or the gavel hits the thing, whatever it is, whatever that"},{"startTime":182.898,"endTime":186.344,"body":"is. And I think there's"},{"startTime":186.472,"endTime":190.252,"body":"just the unknown. There's the negotiation, there's the arguments."},{"startTime":190.316,"endTime":194.01600000000002,"body":"There's the lawyers. There's, well, they'll take this deal, but not"},{"startTime":194.038,"endTime":197.344,"body":"this deal. All the stress of it all. And"},{"startTime":197.382,"endTime":201.104,"body":"then I remember walking away from the lawyer"},{"startTime":201.15200000000002,"endTime":204.73600000000002,"body":"to the car, and it just was this giant"},{"startTime":204.848,"endTime":208.656,"body":"weight lifted. Right. Just because it's settled."},{"startTime":208.848,"endTime":212.6,"body":"Whatever is in that decree is in the decree. Like decree."},{"startTime":213.18,"endTime":217.01600000000002,"body":"It matters. It matters. Sometimes people think, I will figure it out."},{"startTime":217.038,"endTime":220.536,"body":"We're grown adults. No, that degree decree is everything."},{"startTime":220.71800000000002,"endTime":224.49,"body":"It's everything. What it says is so important. I think a lot of people"},{"startTime":224.94,"endTime":228.028,"body":"don't take advantage of that. I don't know if you feel this way with guys,"},{"startTime":228.114,"endTime":231.964,"body":"but in my dating world, I've been told over and over and over, people"},{"startTime":232.002,"endTime":235.34,"body":"said, I wish I would have thought. I wish I would have thought about"},{"startTime":235.41,"endTime":239.00400000000002,"body":"that. Because it doesn't seem so simple. It's like, oh,"},{"startTime":239.042,"endTime":242.588,"body":"well, you have those albums from college, and this is my car, and that's"},{"startTime":242.604,"endTime":246.22400000000002,"body":"yours. Car. We can do this. We're adults. There's so many things"},{"startTime":246.262,"endTime":250.096,"body":"that no one. When your kid goes on a mission trip in five years, when"},{"startTime":250.118,"endTime":253.94,"body":"your kids get braces, college funds, all these things"},{"startTime":254.01000000000002,"endTime":257.604,"body":"that people don't think about until it hits you, and you're like, oh,"},{"startTime":257.642,"endTime":261.304,"body":"I wished I would have put that in my. That $200 a month I'm getting"},{"startTime":261.342,"endTime":263.61,"body":"is not going to cut it. Totally. Yeah,"},{"startTime":264.94,"endTime":268.56399999999996,"body":"there's so much. Whatever gets you divorced,"},{"startTime":268.69199999999995,"endTime":272.18399999999997,"body":"that problem. And then there's divorce itself, which is a"},{"startTime":272.222,"endTime":275.784,"body":"whole nother layer. And then there's. What"},{"startTime":275.822,"endTime":279.628,"body":"you're saying is that, okay, that's settled. And now you look up and you're"},{"startTime":279.63399999999996,"endTime":283.34,"body":"like, well, I'm single, or I'm a single mom, or a single. Even a"},{"startTime":283.40999999999997,"endTime":287.16799999999995,"body":"single dad. Like, I'm single. It's a phenomenon that I"},{"startTime":287.174,"endTime":290.45,"body":"don't think people fully grasp until you're there."},{"startTime":290.9,"endTime":294.736,"body":"And I feel like there was definitely a mourning period for me."},{"startTime":294.758,"endTime":298.39599999999996,"body":"The mourning started way before. Yeah. You had years. You mourned"},{"startTime":298.428,"endTime":302.176,"body":"for years. Years, yeah, years. And so the"},{"startTime":302.198,"endTime":305.44399999999996,"body":"day it was finalized, I was in a different state. You don't have to go"},{"startTime":305.48199999999997,"endTime":309.15599999999995,"body":"anywhere. It was just. I literally got an email that said, really? That was it?"},{"startTime":309.178,"endTime":312.17999999999995,"body":"Oh, well, that's nice. Dramatic."},{"startTime":313.32,"endTime":316.916,"body":"Wow. Yeah. It wasn't quite as, like, dramatic or it didn't"},{"startTime":316.948,"endTime":319.688,"body":"feel like, oh, I have to go, and I have to do this. It was"},{"startTime":319.69399999999996,"endTime":323.256,"body":"just like, I got an email and I'm like, oh, okay, it's done. I just"},{"startTime":323.27799999999996,"endTime":326.972,"body":"read it by myself in my house, like, all right. Interesting. Yeah."},{"startTime":327.106,"endTime":330.71599999999995,"body":"So it's more of like a quiet moment, but a lot of"},{"startTime":330.738,"endTime":334.568,"body":"mourning. And I think that there's a lot of mourning for lots"},{"startTime":334.584,"endTime":338.28999999999996,"body":"of different things, and you never know what's going to trigger it."},{"startTime":338.65999999999997,"endTime":342.416,"body":"In fact, my friend and I called it screwdriver moments. And the"},{"startTime":342.438,"endTime":343.57,"body":"reason is because"},{"startTime":346.09999999999997,"endTime":349.12,"body":"after the divorce was final, I had zero"},{"startTime":349.19,"endTime":352.84799999999996,"body":"tools. Right. Another weird thing you don't"},{"startTime":352.864,"endTime":356.548,"body":"think about, right, as a woman or the man, whoever ends up with the"},{"startTime":356.554,"endTime":360.308,"body":"tools. I don't know. Right? Normally does. Normally I didn't have a"},{"startTime":360.31399999999996,"endTime":363.972,"body":"screwdriver. And I remember my dad came over and he was helping me fix"},{"startTime":364.02599999999995,"endTime":367.62399999999997,"body":"some things, and he goes, hey, can you go grab the screwdriver? And"},{"startTime":367.662,"endTime":371.224,"body":"I started bawling my eyes out because I didn't have a"},{"startTime":371.262,"endTime":375.02799999999996,"body":"screwdriver. Yeah. I don't even know where we keep screwdrivers. Right. And it's not"},{"startTime":375.054,"endTime":378.39599999999996,"body":"there. Yeah. And so he was like, all right, let's go to Home"},{"startTime":378.41799999999995,"endTime":381.87,"body":"Depot. And then we had to get all. The,"},{"startTime":383.2,"endTime":386.832,"body":"wow, okay, wow, that's deep. That has a lot of layers to it."},{"startTime":386.96599999999995,"endTime":389.72999999999996,"body":"So is part of that"},{"startTime":390.97999999999996,"endTime":394.768,"body":"as a female feeling, like, okay, now I'm having to wear a"},{"startTime":394.774,"endTime":398.43199999999996,"body":"male hat. Not that genders are that defined in this area."},{"startTime":398.486,"endTime":402.27599999999995,"body":"Not that men have to be rr. We do tools and women"},{"startTime":402.378,"endTime":406.084,"body":"do whatever you do. But I wonder if women feel that way more"},{"startTime":406.12199999999996,"endTime":409.78,"body":"than men, because with me, I wash clothes."},{"startTime":410.12,"endTime":413.44399999999996,"body":"I never washed clothes when I was married. I could have. I mean, I did"},{"startTime":413.48199999999997,"endTime":416.568,"body":"before I was married. I didn't while I was married. And then now I do"},{"startTime":416.57399999999996,"endTime":420.376,"body":"it now. And it doesn't bother me. Like, I like washing clothes. Actually, I"},{"startTime":420.558,"endTime":424.26399999999995,"body":"hate dishes. Oh, I hate dishes. But I wash me some"},{"startTime":424.30199999999996,"endTime":427.724,"body":"clothes. But I know some females that will yard work. It"},{"startTime":427.762,"endTime":431.292,"body":"triggers them because they go out and they're like, I should not"},{"startTime":431.346,"endTime":435.036,"body":"be weed eating. No, I have those. Do I do."},{"startTime":435.058,"endTime":438.856,"body":"I do. In fact, just the other day, I realized, wow,"},{"startTime":438.89799999999997,"endTime":442.71999999999997,"body":"there's some things that I need fixing, repairing. And"},{"startTime":442.78999999999996,"endTime":446.096,"body":"every time I walk by those in the house, it's a reminder. It's a"},{"startTime":446.118,"endTime":449.376,"body":"reminder. And I was like, okay, Carrie, you know what you could do is hire"},{"startTime":449.40799999999996,"endTime":452.644,"body":"a handyman, and let's just get this done. And then"},{"startTime":452.68199999999996,"endTime":456.532,"body":"now you've removed that trigger. Right."},{"startTime":456.58599999999996,"endTime":460.164,"body":"But, yeah, I agree. Every"},{"startTime":460.202,"endTime":462.02,"body":"married couple takes on their roles."},{"startTime":463.56,"endTime":467.33599999999996,"body":"So it doesn't matter if it's a masculine or feminine role, it's just"},{"startTime":467.358,"endTime":470.96799999999996,"body":"you have your roles, and then when that person is then gone,"},{"startTime":471.054,"endTime":474.73199999999997,"body":"it's like, oh. I got to retake that over. Yeah."},{"startTime":474.786,"endTime":478.34799999999996,"body":"Or I have to learn it. Another one, too."},{"startTime":478.43399999999997,"endTime":480.98999999999995,"body":"Is just habits. Is"},{"startTime":481.91999999999996,"endTime":485.73999999999995,"body":"watching movies going, whatever your habits were, they're gone."},{"startTime":485.89,"endTime":488.89599999999996,"body":"And it's like, well, I can't go to that habit. What if they're doing that"},{"startTime":488.91799999999995,"endTime":492.33599999999996,"body":"habit? We both can't show up at the same habit, and then you have to"},{"startTime":492.358,"endTime":495.936,"body":"break the habits. It's so"},{"startTime":495.95799999999997,"endTime":499.616,"body":"funny. I screen this all the time, and it's"},{"startTime":499.64799999999997,"endTime":503.092,"body":"broken record. Divorce is so much more"},{"startTime":503.14599999999996,"endTime":506.868,"body":"complicated than I ever thought. And I think"},{"startTime":506.95399999999995,"endTime":510.61199999999997,"body":"to the people listening, the"},{"startTime":510.666,"endTime":514.456,"body":"people that are the ones that either instigate it"},{"startTime":514.638,"endTime":518.168,"body":"or don't want to fight for it or whatever, I think"},{"startTime":518.254,"endTime":522.104,"body":"whatever it is going on in their head, it's, well, I'll be better"},{"startTime":522.142,"endTime":524.9839999999999,"body":"off without them, they'll be better off without me, the kids will be better off,"},{"startTime":525.0219999999999,"endTime":528.7959999999999,"body":"whatever their reasons are. And it's this idea of like, well, I just need"},{"startTime":528.818,"endTime":532.51,"body":"this person out of my life, and then everything will be okay."},{"startTime":532.88,"endTime":536.648,"body":"It's so naive. Yeah. That's definitely not the full picture. It's"},{"startTime":536.664,"endTime":539.456,"body":"not the full picture. It's divorce is so"},{"startTime":539.638,"endTime":543.472,"body":"layered, so complicated, and dare I say,"},{"startTime":543.526,"endTime":547.184,"body":"so generational. It's not this moment in"},{"startTime":547.222,"endTime":551.044,"body":"time. It's not this sheet of paper, and it's not moving from"},{"startTime":551.082,"endTime":553.59,"body":"a house to an apartment or apartment. It's not."},{"startTime":554.1999999999999,"endTime":557.876,"body":"Okay. Wow. You triggered so"},{"startTime":557.898,"endTime":560.87,"body":"many thoughts on my head with"},{"startTime":562.62,"endTime":566.228,"body":"the idea of changing habits and changing"},{"startTime":566.324,"endTime":569.812,"body":"friends. We're going to talk about friends in another episode"},{"startTime":569.876,"endTime":573.3679999999999,"body":"of how you lose. That's another"},{"startTime":573.454,"endTime":576.584,"body":"giant, giant ripple effect"},{"startTime":576.702,"endTime":580.06,"body":"of separation, but. Okay,"},{"startTime":580.13,"endTime":583.23,"body":"so let's talk about,"},{"startTime":584.0,"endTime":587.3439999999999,"body":"especially as christians, I don't want to go necessarily straight into the"},{"startTime":587.382,"endTime":591.196,"body":"church right now, but I will say if you're a Christian,"},{"startTime":591.228,"endTime":594.64,"body":"I'm assuming a good chunk of your friends are christians,"},{"startTime":595.22,"endTime":597.92,"body":"but what kind of advice"},{"startTime":598.8199999999999,"endTime":602.4839999999999,"body":"did you get? Was it healthy? Was it not"},{"startTime":602.5219999999999,"endTime":606.164,"body":"healthy? What do you wish you knew? Like, if you could go talk"},{"startTime":606.202,"endTime":609.904,"body":"to yourself right now, what advice"},{"startTime":609.952,"endTime":613.684,"body":"would you have given yourself that you didn't get. That"},{"startTime":613.722,"endTime":617.384,"body":"I didn't get? I mean, I will say when it came to"},{"startTime":617.422,"endTime":620.73,"body":"just like, friends, and we are going to talk about all that, but"},{"startTime":621.9,"endTime":625.468,"body":"a lot of them just tried to stay out of it. Right. Didn't want to"},{"startTime":625.4739999999999,"endTime":628.51,"body":"give any advice. So the advice that I got was more from"},{"startTime":629.12,"endTime":632.38,"body":"mentors or counselors, therapists, pastors."},{"startTime":633.04,"endTime":636.752,"body":"Semi sound advice. Yeah, very"},{"startTime":636.886,"endTime":640.736,"body":"sound advice. I don't know if I"},{"startTime":640.7579999999999,"endTime":644.56,"body":"have anything that I can think of that I didn't get,"},{"startTime":644.7099999999999,"endTime":648.304,"body":"but I think that some of the biggest pieces of"},{"startTime":648.342,"endTime":651.924,"body":"advice that I got that were super helpful were like, widen your"},{"startTime":651.962,"endTime":655.812,"body":"circle. Make sure that you're not just trying to keep"},{"startTime":655.866,"endTime":659.6039999999999,"body":"all of this just between you guys or you guys and one counselor. You"},{"startTime":659.6419999999999,"endTime":663.4159999999999,"body":"need to widen a circle. There need to be multiple people that are"},{"startTime":663.438,"endTime":667.2239999999999,"body":"godly wise people that understand every single little thing that's going on"},{"startTime":667.262,"endTime":670.904,"body":"so that they can speak in. That was probably"},{"startTime":670.942,"endTime":673.85,"body":"the wisest piece of advice because then,"},{"startTime":674.62,"endTime":678.232,"body":"for me, when I was getting the exact same advice"},{"startTime":678.376,"endTime":681.8679999999999,"body":"from all those people and those people didn't know each other, then you knew it."},{"startTime":681.874,"endTime":685.528,"body":"Was pretty good advice. Yes, that's right. Yeah. Instead of one person, like,"},{"startTime":685.634,"endTime":689.356,"body":"six people have told me blankety blank. Yes. Yeah, that's"},{"startTime":689.388,"endTime":691.3299999999999,"body":"really good. I think with me,"},{"startTime":693.9399999999999,"endTime":697.568,"body":"I don't know if people exactly said it, but they certainly"},{"startTime":697.654,"endTime":700.77,"body":"implied it and underlined it. It was,"},{"startTime":701.54,"endTime":705.044,"body":"take your time. Like, this isn't something that"},{"startTime":705.1619999999999,"endTime":708.164,"body":"the sheet of paper comes in and you're like, well, I'm just going to pick"},{"startTime":708.202,"endTime":711.7959999999999,"body":"myself up and I'm going to do this. It's like, okay, yeah, I mean, yeah,"},{"startTime":711.818,"endTime":715.6519999999999,"body":"you're right. You are going to have to move or your finances"},{"startTime":715.716,"endTime":718.456,"body":"are all changed. Yeah, you're right. You are going to have to tough it out"},{"startTime":718.478,"endTime":721.928,"body":"and endure. But that attitude of just,"},{"startTime":722.0939999999999,"endTime":725.336,"body":"I'm ready. I'm ready for the next phase of my life. Like,"},{"startTime":725.438,"endTime":729.212,"body":"no breeze, rest. You"},{"startTime":729.266,"endTime":732.268,"body":"have no idea what's coming. No idea."},{"startTime":732.434,"endTime":736.236,"body":"And once again, when you're in the whirlwind of it all, it's sort"},{"startTime":736.2579999999999,"endTime":739.9359999999999,"body":"of like people. I use this analogy all the time. If"},{"startTime":739.958,"endTime":743.504,"body":"somebody's dying in need of"},{"startTime":743.542,"endTime":747.2479999999999,"body":"water, you don't go tell them you need to go dig a well and just"},{"startTime":747.254,"endTime":751.072,"body":"give them the water. And I feel the same thing. It's like sometimes"},{"startTime":751.126,"endTime":754.804,"body":"you're in the middle of a crisis and it's like, well, you"},{"startTime":754.842,"endTime":758.596,"body":"just need to breathe. It's like, okay, well, I got a house to"},{"startTime":758.6179999999999,"endTime":762.376,"body":"pay. I got kids to feed. I've got to endure. And the"},{"startTime":762.398,"endTime":765.7479999999999,"body":"answer is, yeah, you do. It's sad"},{"startTime":765.924,"endTime":769.6519999999999,"body":"that you've got to step up and be independent"},{"startTime":769.716,"endTime":773.516,"body":"and hustle and survive, but"},{"startTime":773.538,"endTime":777.004,"body":"there's that balance of also sit,"},{"startTime":777.202,"endTime":780.828,"body":"breathe, trust. And you're not"},{"startTime":780.914,"endTime":784.476,"body":"in a hurry. No, you're not in a hurry for"},{"startTime":784.4979999999999,"endTime":787.5699999999999,"body":"anything. For anything. Whether it comes to"},{"startTime":788.8199999999999,"endTime":792.528,"body":"dating or a. New haircut or"},{"startTime":792.534,"endTime":795.73,"body":"moving. Or moving, however big or small."},{"startTime":796.5,"endTime":800.244,"body":"Right. Okay, that's a great segue because I was going to ask you about"},{"startTime":800.2819999999999,"endTime":804.116,"body":"that is you already had the separation. So I don't know if"},{"startTime":804.138,"endTime":807.5559999999999,"body":"this was dramatic for you. Did something about the"},{"startTime":807.578,"endTime":811.268,"body":"divorce trigger you into. Okay, now I'm going to"},{"startTime":811.274,"endTime":814.952,"body":"paint the house, because I know when it was me in my"},{"startTime":815.006,"endTime":818.664,"body":"situation, I got the house and I did"},{"startTime":818.702,"endTime":822.536,"body":"have a makeover. Because back to the triggers is every time"},{"startTime":822.558,"endTime":826.312,"body":"I walk by a scenario that when you're married,"},{"startTime":826.456,"endTime":830.216,"body":"I'm going to use the word tolerate. That's a bad word. Because it doesn't"},{"startTime":830.2479999999999,"endTime":833.8199999999999,"body":"mean my ex did anything wrong. But it's like,"},{"startTime":833.89,"endTime":837.4159999999999,"body":"if that's her blanket, it's not my blanket. It was her favorite"},{"startTime":837.448,"endTime":840.656,"body":"blanket. And then I look at it and I'm like, I don't want that"},{"startTime":840.678,"endTime":844.064,"body":"blanket. So I just got rid of. I moved things. I"},{"startTime":844.102,"endTime":847.836,"body":"rearranged. I'm like, I've never liked the sugar on the counter. I don't use sugar."},{"startTime":847.8679999999999,"endTime":850.996,"body":"I don't want the sugar. So I checked the sugar, I got it. Just anything"},{"startTime":851.098,"endTime":853.99,"body":"that made me think of her"},{"startTime":854.68,"endTime":858.276,"body":"or us, in a weird way, I just purged and I had"},{"startTime":858.298,"endTime":862.116,"body":"a. This sounds childish, but you have to understand, I live in"},{"startTime":862.138,"endTime":865.948,"body":"the country, so burning things is not a big deal because we burn"},{"startTime":865.9839999999999,"endTime":869.256,"body":"stuff all the time. You have a burn barrel. So it wasn't like I. Right."},{"startTime":869.358,"endTime":873.044,"body":"It was an OD thing to burn. But I did. I had a burn party,"},{"startTime":873.092,"endTime":876.7959999999999,"body":"and it was therapeutic. Sure, it was great."},{"startTime":876.898,"endTime":880.67,"body":"But I do regret, you know how, like anything,"},{"startTime":881.04,"endTime":884.716,"body":"you sometimes swing the pillow too far. There was a couple of things that"},{"startTime":884.7379999999999,"endTime":888.35,"body":"I probably just. I wanted it gone. And later I'm like,"},{"startTime":889.04,"endTime":892.704,"body":"I should have kept that. Yeah, I was a little more slow with that."},{"startTime":892.742,"endTime":896.544,"body":"I just wanted to make sure. Will I regret in ten years not having this?"},{"startTime":896.582,"endTime":900.288,"body":"But for me, it was more like anything that triggered me, that brought a"},{"startTime":900.294,"endTime":904.116,"body":"negative emotion up. I just got rid of it. I made so many trips to"},{"startTime":904.138,"endTime":907.684,"body":"goodwill. Really? So many trips to goodwill. But it felt very"},{"startTime":907.722,"endTime":910.948,"body":"good. It was like it lightened the load. Because you don't want"},{"startTime":910.954,"endTime":914.36,"body":"to know your surroundings. Really make a big difference"},{"startTime":914.51,"endTime":918.216,"body":"in how you feel every day. And so if you are looking at things that"},{"startTime":918.2379999999999,"endTime":921.864,"body":"are continually reminding you of negative stuff,"},{"startTime":921.982,"endTime":924.99,"body":"that is going to impact how you feel every day."},{"startTime":925.68,"endTime":929.068,"body":"But I didn't make any big"},{"startTime":929.154,"endTime":932.812,"body":"changes at all? Big haircut? You didn't move cities or"},{"startTime":932.866,"endTime":936.476,"body":"whatever? No, I just. Really slow. I mean, I did"},{"startTime":936.4979999999999,"endTime":939.776,"body":"move, but that was kind of, like, already in the back of my mind. And"},{"startTime":939.798,"endTime":942.976,"body":"then prayed and prayed and prayed about it. Yeah. You were running from something. You"},{"startTime":942.9979999999999,"endTime":946.53,"body":"were running to something. No. Yeah, there's a difference. For sure."},{"startTime":946.9,"endTime":948.9599999999999,"body":"Okay, so now church."},{"startTime":952.04,"endTime":955.828,"body":"I got to be honest. Right now in my life, I"},{"startTime":955.834,"endTime":959.3439999999999,"body":"mean, I'm just being transparent. I am so anti"},{"startTime":959.3919999999999,"endTime":961.9399999999999,"body":"religion, pro Jesus,"},{"startTime":962.6,"endTime":966.052,"body":"anti church. And I know people hear that, and that's"},{"startTime":966.196,"endTime":969.752,"body":"sometimes confrontational in their mind."},{"startTime":969.886,"endTime":973.384,"body":"Well, how can Jesus love the church? You should, too. Okay, well, I get that."},{"startTime":973.422,"endTime":976.6519999999999,"body":"I get the theology of. I'm talking the"},{"startTime":976.706,"endTime":980.1519999999999,"body":"practicality. American church"},{"startTime":980.216,"endTime":983.8679999999999,"body":"culture. It has become something different. And"},{"startTime":983.954,"endTime":987.744,"body":"that part I don't like. And so part of the reason I even have this"},{"startTime":987.7819999999999,"endTime":990.2099999999999,"body":"podcast is I feel like"},{"startTime":990.66,"endTime":994.304,"body":"divorced people, christians in"},{"startTime":994.342,"endTime":998.108,"body":"particular, do not get good"},{"startTime":998.2139999999999,"endTime":1001.6999999999999,"body":"sound advice and or empathy"},{"startTime":1002.1999999999999,"endTime":1005.1899999999999,"body":"from the church, and"},{"startTime":1006.36,"endTime":1009.86,"body":"they need real talk, not verb verses thrown at them."},{"startTime":1010.01,"endTime":1013.732,"body":"What was your experience? Because I also know I have people say,"},{"startTime":1013.786,"endTime":1017.5559999999999,"body":"oh, my gosh, my church is the only reason I survived. That's"},{"startTime":1017.588,"endTime":1021.2719999999999,"body":"great. That's great. I'm not saying it's not possible. Sure. And I'd also"},{"startTime":1021.326,"endTime":1024.184,"body":"say it may have been really helpful for you. Doesn't mean they gave you any"},{"startTime":1024.222,"endTime":1027.45,"body":"sound on anything. It's just they were your community, and it worked for you."},{"startTime":1027.82,"endTime":1031.644,"body":"But what can you tell me a little bit about your experience? Did you get"},{"startTime":1031.842,"endTime":1035.596,"body":"bad advice? Did you feel welcome? Was it challenging? Did you have"},{"startTime":1035.6180000000002,"endTime":1039.1680000000001,"body":"to change churches, talk through that a little bit, yeah. I mean,"},{"startTime":1039.334,"endTime":1042.9440000000002,"body":"before the separation, we were in a Bible study group, small"},{"startTime":1042.9820000000002,"endTime":1046.796,"body":"group, things like that. Honestly, I felt"},{"startTime":1046.8280000000002,"endTime":1049.8760000000002,"body":"just completely abandoned. Wow."},{"startTime":1050.058,"endTime":1053.652,"body":"Like, completely abandoned by your"},{"startTime":1053.786,"endTime":1057.52,"body":"church family, which is a double abandonment."},{"startTime":1057.6000000000001,"endTime":1061.316,"body":"Yeah. And I understand that they did not"},{"startTime":1061.3380000000002,"endTime":1065.1280000000002,"body":"understand everything was going on because there's only so many people. You're only going"},{"startTime":1065.134,"endTime":1068.9360000000001,"body":"to tell all the things to a very select amount of people. And I"},{"startTime":1068.958,"endTime":1072.6480000000001,"body":"had a pastor, I had a counselor, I had a"},{"startTime":1072.654,"endTime":1076.248,"body":"couple of certain family members, some older mentors, you know what I"},{"startTime":1076.2540000000001,"endTime":1079.516,"body":"mean? And I was like, but everybody else. In the hallway has no idea. They"},{"startTime":1079.538,"endTime":1082.972,"body":"don't know. Or maybe they only hear bits and pieces or rumors. There was probably"},{"startTime":1083.026,"endTime":1085.516,"body":"rumors. I don't know if there were. But I'm just saying, you feel like. There"},{"startTime":1085.538,"endTime":1089.324,"body":"is, you feel like there are. And so that was tough"},{"startTime":1089.372,"endTime":1092.832,"body":"because I felt like I had to go through that"},{"startTime":1092.8860000000002,"endTime":1096.21,"body":"season without people really"},{"startTime":1097.3000000000002,"endTime":1101.044,"body":"walking beside me. And then even after"},{"startTime":1101.082,"endTime":1104.324,"body":"the divorce, when I moved to"},{"startTime":1104.362,"endTime":1108.164,"body":"Texas, the first church I was"},{"startTime":1108.202,"endTime":1112.048,"body":"at, there was not the support I"},{"startTime":1112.074,"endTime":1115.652,"body":"needed. It was more just like, oh, we found out that you're"},{"startTime":1115.7160000000001,"endTime":1119.544,"body":"divorced. So, okay. Therefore, without wanting to know my"},{"startTime":1119.582,"endTime":1123.372,"body":"story, well, we should just get you all back together."},{"startTime":1123.4260000000002,"endTime":1127.0520000000001,"body":"Why don't we just arrange a meeting? No way. These"},{"startTime":1127.106,"endTime":1130.38,"body":"stories drive me insane,"},{"startTime":1130.72,"endTime":1134.4440000000002,"body":"because it's the tension between"},{"startTime":1134.4820000000002,"endTime":1137.9160000000002,"body":"truth and grace. They're scoring truth so high. God loves"},{"startTime":1137.948,"endTime":1141.3760000000002,"body":"marriage. So once you restored, which I'm like, hold"},{"startTime":1141.3980000000001,"endTime":1144.45,"body":"on. I mean, yeah, in a perfect world, sure,"},{"startTime":1145.6200000000001,"endTime":1148.8700000000001,"body":"but it doesn't mean that"},{"startTime":1149.64,"endTime":1153.3000000000002,"body":"that trumps trauma,"},{"startTime":1153.72,"endTime":1157.476,"body":"abuse, none of that. Oh, my goodness. I didn't know that"},{"startTime":1157.498,"endTime":1161.208,"body":"happened to you. Like, that drives me insane. And so now you either have"},{"startTime":1161.2140000000002,"endTime":1165.044,"body":"to say, yes, no, maybe, or I'm going to another church."},{"startTime":1165.092,"endTime":1168.92,"body":"I said no left. And everybody"},{"startTime":1168.99,"endTime":1171.448,"body":"that was in my community group at that time"},{"startTime":1171.614,"endTime":1175.4160000000002,"body":"100% left my side. I"},{"startTime":1175.438,"endTime":1178.6360000000002,"body":"have not heard from them in years. Are you serious? So in other words, you"},{"startTime":1178.6580000000001,"endTime":1182.3280000000002,"body":"don't love the Lord enough or you don't respect marriage enough, so therefore you wouldn't"},{"startTime":1182.344,"endTime":1185.856,"body":"even try to reconcile. I honestly can't answer for"},{"startTime":1185.8780000000002,"endTime":1189.3760000000002,"body":"them. I don't know. But I think"},{"startTime":1189.3980000000001,"endTime":1193.0720000000001,"body":"that it was very unfortunate. And so I left"},{"startTime":1193.1260000000002,"endTime":1196.9560000000001,"body":"that church, and I was warned."},{"startTime":1196.988,"endTime":1200.192,"body":"I had a lot of friends that had told me that had gone through divorces,"},{"startTime":1200.256,"endTime":1203.9560000000001,"body":"that they had what we would call,"},{"startTime":1203.978,"endTime":1207.7640000000001,"body":"like, biblical grounds, things like that. Right? And they were told, like,"},{"startTime":1207.8020000000001,"endTime":1211.6360000000002,"body":"look, this is how a lot of times you're going to get treated. You're not"},{"startTime":1211.6580000000001,"endTime":1215.2240000000002,"body":"going to get the support. It's just like churches don't. A lot"},{"startTime":1215.342,"endTime":1219.0500000000002,"body":"of the church doesn't know what to do and"},{"startTime":1219.42,"endTime":1223.112,"body":"they just want restoration. And I can understand that. That's what I wanted,"},{"startTime":1223.1660000000002,"endTime":1226.904,"body":"too. Right? You didn't put in the time like. You"},{"startTime":1226.942,"endTime":1230.6680000000001,"body":"put in your time. I put in the time. I have"},{"startTime":1230.674,"endTime":1233.928,"body":"a story of a budy of mine who. Same thing. He worked at a church."},{"startTime":1234.0240000000001,"endTime":1237.564,"body":"Now, he was only allowed to be associate pastor or whatever because he had been"},{"startTime":1237.602,"endTime":1241.02,"body":"divorced, right? But he somehow was working for a church,"},{"startTime":1241.18,"endTime":1244.6360000000002,"body":"which is a miracle, because some churches wouldn't even put you on staff."},{"startTime":1244.748,"endTime":1248.112,"body":"Divorce. But I'll give him that. That they let him be on"},{"startTime":1248.1660000000002,"endTime":1251.68,"body":"staff until his ex wife, who they've been married,"},{"startTime":1251.76,"endTime":1255.5400000000002,"body":"divorced for a long while, and she had done him wrong. Wrong,"},{"startTime":1255.6100000000001,"endTime":1258.948,"body":"like, wrong. And she comes and tells the"},{"startTime":1258.9540000000002,"endTime":1262.6960000000001,"body":"elders, I want to restore my marriage. And they told him, like, well, you need"},{"startTime":1262.718,"endTime":1265.6100000000001,"body":"to restore your marriage. He's like, well, I don't want to."},{"startTime":1266.38,"endTime":1268.52,"body":"They put him on a forced"},{"startTime":1269.42,"endTime":1273.1760000000002,"body":"sabbatical. And he's like, I'm fishing every"},{"startTime":1273.198,"endTime":1277.016,"body":"day because I know my answer. Yeah. He goes, I prayed."},{"startTime":1277.048,"endTime":1280.856,"body":"I did. But when you don't love someone anymore, to force,"},{"startTime":1280.968,"endTime":1284.27,"body":"that's another thing I don't think people think through. When you say"},{"startTime":1284.88,"endTime":1288.2240000000002,"body":"force a reconciliation, it's not"},{"startTime":1288.2620000000002,"endTime":1291.968,"body":"like you could just forgive. Some things aren't there."},{"startTime":1292.054,"endTime":1295.6480000000001,"body":"You can forgive, but you don't have to forget. I've forgiven. Yeah,"},{"startTime":1295.814,"endTime":1299.2,"body":"100% forgive. I've forgiven too. But it doesn't mean that I want"},{"startTime":1299.27,"endTime":1303.0880000000002,"body":"reconciliation. You can forgive and not go back. If you don't"},{"startTime":1303.104,"endTime":1306.9160000000002,"body":"love somebody, that feels like more of a disservice to go back and say,"},{"startTime":1306.938,"endTime":1310.336,"body":"well, I'm marrying you because our church says we should be married."},{"startTime":1310.448,"endTime":1313.21,"body":"Don't love you, don't want to love you."},{"startTime":1315.5,"endTime":1319.336,"body":"We've caused damage. You're divorced. Yeah. I mean,"},{"startTime":1319.3580000000002,"endTime":1323.064,"body":"I do think there's a space for, like, let's say one person was"},{"startTime":1323.102,"endTime":1325.736,"body":"wrong. I mean, I know there's always two people. You know what I mean? One"},{"startTime":1325.758,"endTime":1329.384,"body":"person was severely wronged and there's a divorce."},{"startTime":1329.432,"endTime":1333.212,"body":"Right. And then that person that had wronged them wants"},{"startTime":1333.266,"endTime":1337.068,"body":"to come and say, hey, I am sorry. They want to"},{"startTime":1337.074,"endTime":1340.8480000000002,"body":"own up to things. Maybe they want to get back together. But I think that"},{"startTime":1341.0140000000001,"endTime":1344.8000000000002,"body":"that person that was wronged, I think that they should"},{"startTime":1344.8700000000001,"endTime":1348.556,"body":"seriously consider sitting down, having a cup of coffee, hearing"},{"startTime":1348.5880000000002,"endTime":1352.18,"body":"them out, hearing their heart, especially if they want to apologize."},{"startTime":1353.24,"endTime":1356.932,"body":"You never know what could happen. And then, who knows? Maybe"},{"startTime":1356.986,"endTime":1360.1960000000001,"body":"restoration can happen down the road and maybe it doesn't. Right? But I don't. But"},{"startTime":1360.218,"endTime":1364.048,"body":"that's still a good moment. Yeah. If it's real. If it's real, that's"},{"startTime":1364.064,"endTime":1367.72,"body":"the other thing, too. I feel like that's another problem with divorce is"},{"startTime":1367.7900000000002,"endTime":1371.5240000000001,"body":"divorce is so catastrophic, and like I say, the tsunami"},{"startTime":1371.5720000000001,"endTime":1375.24,"body":"effect of it. I think some people are like, I'm so sorry. Well,"},{"startTime":1375.39,"endTime":1379.132,"body":"what are you sorry that our finances are run? Are you sorry our kids"},{"startTime":1379.1860000000001,"endTime":1382.7640000000001,"body":"are messed up? Are you sorry? What are you sorry about? There's a lot"},{"startTime":1382.8020000000001,"endTime":1386.5720000000001,"body":"of things to be sorry for. So I've had people, I'm sorry."},{"startTime":1386.6260000000002,"endTime":1389.1200000000001,"body":"We're like, well, okay, but are you sorry you got caught?"},{"startTime":1390.8200000000002,"endTime":1394.576,"body":"What are you sorry for? Sure. And so one time somebody asked me"},{"startTime":1394.5980000000002,"endTime":1398.3680000000002,"body":"that with my ex, they go, have you forgiven? And"},{"startTime":1398.534,"endTime":1401.844,"body":"I take the word love really important. Like, I don't say I love"},{"startTime":1401.882,"endTime":1405.5240000000001,"body":"you unless I mean it. Sure. And I don't say"},{"startTime":1405.5620000000001,"endTime":1409.316,"body":"forgiven. So somebody goes, have you forgiven? And I go, if I"},{"startTime":1409.3380000000002,"endTime":1412.92,"body":"tell you, yes, I'm lying. Because which"},{"startTime":1413.0700000000002,"endTime":1416.644,"body":"one of the hundred things you want me to just blanket"},{"startTime":1416.692,"endTime":1420.52,"body":"forgive? Or is it this lie or this"},{"startTime":1420.5900000000001,"endTime":1424.3300000000002,"body":"thing or whatever? So it took me a while"},{"startTime":1424.7,"endTime":1428.3960000000002,"body":"to learn what forgiven means. So in other words, to your point, even if"},{"startTime":1428.4180000000001,"endTime":1431.996,"body":"somebody comes back with a repentive heart, man, it would"},{"startTime":1432.018,"endTime":1435.6560000000002,"body":"take a lot of conversation to say, what do you"},{"startTime":1435.698,"endTime":1439.17,"body":"mean by that? You sorry for hurting me"},{"startTime":1440.1000000000001,"endTime":1443.8100000000002,"body":"that time or that time or that time or that time. Right."},{"startTime":1445.38,"endTime":1447.89,"body":"But to your point. I do believe"},{"startTime":1448.74,"endTime":1452.336,"body":"if, when possible, nothing's a blanket"},{"startTime":1452.3680000000002,"endTime":1455.472,"body":"roll, but when possible, if the giant"},{"startTime":1455.536,"endTime":1459.248,"body":"offender in a relationship wants to come and say, I'm sorry, that's"},{"startTime":1459.2640000000001,"endTime":1462.9640000000002,"body":"probably not a bad conversation to have. Sure. With boundaries. With"},{"startTime":1463.0020000000002,"endTime":1466.6000000000001,"body":"boundaries. And it's going to look different for everybody. And maybe"},{"startTime":1466.67,"endTime":1470.424,"body":"if it was an abusive situation, maybe it's not a conversation between"},{"startTime":1470.462,"endTime":1473.2720000000002,"body":"the two of you. It's a conversation with a group, with a third party. With"},{"startTime":1473.326,"endTime":1476.7,"body":"at least a third party. Yeah, I feel that,"},{"startTime":1476.77,"endTime":1479.26,"body":"too. I've always wondered,"},{"startTime":1480.96,"endTime":1484.2320000000002,"body":"especially with affairs, and I'm going to say affairs with christians,"},{"startTime":1484.296,"endTime":1487.1200000000001,"body":"because that happens plenty."},{"startTime":1488.66,"endTime":1492.4,"body":"That idea of, does anybody ever apologize?"},{"startTime":1492.98,"endTime":1496.736,"body":"You know how married couple, christian married couples have an"},{"startTime":1496.758,"endTime":1500.4640000000002,"body":"affair and then they'll go get married? Is there a certain point? Because"},{"startTime":1500.582,"endTime":1504.116,"body":"when you justify it in your head, you're like, well, the Lord brought me this"},{"startTime":1504.1380000000001,"endTime":1507.8280000000002,"body":"person, or I'm better off, whatever. I'm like, wrong. Right."},{"startTime":1507.914,"endTime":1511.1100000000001,"body":"That's not theologically sound at all. God did not"},{"startTime":1511.5600000000002,"endTime":1515.288,"body":"break his own rules and say, yeah, I brought you a"},{"startTime":1515.294,"endTime":1518.584,"body":"better person, but at some point do you just go back and"},{"startTime":1518.622,"endTime":1522.424,"body":"say, did both people say, we're sorry, we made"},{"startTime":1522.462,"endTime":1526.268,"body":"a mistake, we apologize, but we're not going"},{"startTime":1526.2740000000001,"endTime":1529.8700000000001,"body":"to get divorced, like, now. Does two divorces make it right?"},{"startTime":1530.5600000000002,"endTime":1534.3960000000002,"body":"That's a whole nother deal. If you get a divorce and"},{"startTime":1534.4180000000001,"endTime":1538.268,"body":"then you say you're sorry, do you stay married? What if you"},{"startTime":1538.2740000000001,"endTime":1540.6080000000002,"body":"have new kids? Like, how are you going to tell those qi, what we would"},{"startTime":1540.614,"endTime":1543.904,"body":"even say 15 years ago, we're going to now divorce and cause you"},{"startTime":1543.942,"endTime":1547.2440000000001,"body":"trauma. See, divorce has ripple effects."},{"startTime":1547.372,"endTime":1551.02,"body":"Yeah. It's so multilayered and it's so individualized,"},{"startTime":1551.1000000000001,"endTime":1554.948,"body":"too. I think everybody has a different story."},{"startTime":1555.034,"endTime":1558.816,"body":"And I think, too, this is also in the context of, you have fought,"},{"startTime":1558.8480000000002,"endTime":1561.9560000000001,"body":"fought, fought, fought, fought to not make it happen. Right. I just feel like that"},{"startTime":1561.978,"endTime":1564.3760000000002,"body":"needs to be said again, even though I know that we talked about that the"},{"startTime":1564.3980000000001,"endTime":1568.0240000000001,"body":"first time, I feel like it needs to be said in every time we"},{"startTime":1568.0620000000001,"endTime":1571.736,"body":"chat because. Agreed. That is the heart I know"},{"startTime":1571.758,"endTime":1575.1960000000001,"body":"you're coming from and I'm coming from of, like, this is not what we want"},{"startTime":1575.218,"endTime":1578.924,"body":"for anybody, but if you find yourself here after. If you find yourself here"},{"startTime":1578.962,"endTime":1582.556,"body":"after giving it your all. Yes. Then here's some"},{"startTime":1582.5780000000002,"endTime":1586.428,"body":"advice. Here's some advice. I say it like this."},{"startTime":1586.5140000000001,"endTime":1589.9920000000002,"body":"I don't want to be accused of romanticizing divorce. No. But"},{"startTime":1590.066,"endTime":1593.824,"body":"unfortunately for me, like, on my YouTube channel, I talk about the"},{"startTime":1593.862,"endTime":1597.036,"body":"upside of divorce, and I know people are going to come in that doorway. They're"},{"startTime":1597.068,"endTime":1600.6360000000002,"body":"like, this guy's acting like you should get divorced. But guess"},{"startTime":1600.678,"endTime":1603.824,"body":"what? If you find yourself here, there are some silver"},{"startTime":1603.872,"endTime":1607.6840000000002,"body":"linings. I'm a different person today than I ever would have"},{"startTime":1607.722,"endTime":1611.364,"body":"been married. There are some ups. I travel more. I know"},{"startTime":1611.402,"endTime":1613.91,"body":"myself better. I'm a better."},{"startTime":1615.5600000000002,"endTime":1619.1760000000002,"body":"Define better. But I'm a better person. I'm a person I would have"},{"startTime":1619.198,"endTime":1622.49,"body":"never been. Okay. I can agree with that. Yeah."},{"startTime":1623.5,"endTime":1627.036,"body":"I can't call that silver linings, personally, for me,"},{"startTime":1627.1380000000001,"endTime":1630.7160000000001,"body":"that I think it's like, okay, this happened to me and it was"},{"startTime":1630.738,"endTime":1634.424,"body":"horrible and awful, but then the Lord has redeemed"},{"startTime":1634.472,"endTime":1638.0800000000002,"body":"certain parts of that for me, personally, for my kids,"},{"startTime":1638.23,"endTime":1641.996,"body":"and has grown me a lot. Yeah. I just couldn't"},{"startTime":1642.028,"endTime":1645.3300000000002,"body":"call it a silver lining. Yeah. I don't know."},{"startTime":1645.7,"endTime":1649.1360000000002,"body":"That's okay. If that's your choice of words. I know it's"},{"startTime":1649.1680000000001,"endTime":1652.71,"body":"fair. I think one, I'm trying to help people"},{"startTime":1653.4,"endTime":1656.6760000000002,"body":"realize that they're not doomed. You're not"},{"startTime":1656.698,"endTime":1660.3400000000001,"body":"doomed. No. You can come to the other side."},{"startTime":1660.41,"endTime":1664.0880000000002,"body":"Yeah. You can come out and you can be stronger and you can"},{"startTime":1664.174,"endTime":1667.816,"body":"learn more about your walk with the Lord, and you can grow"},{"startTime":1667.9180000000001,"endTime":1670.97,"body":"and move through all sorts of things."},{"startTime":1672.0600000000002,"endTime":1675.8960000000002,"body":"When you're not tethered, when you're not yoked, the"},{"startTime":1675.9180000000001,"endTime":1679.496,"body":"Lord can use you in different ways. It's just true. It doesn't"},{"startTime":1679.528,"endTime":1682.3960000000002,"body":"mean. Hey, if you're listening, you're thinking about getting divorced. Trust me, go do it."},{"startTime":1682.4180000000001,"endTime":1684.43,"body":"It's awesome. I don't mean that, but"},{"startTime":1686.0800000000002,"endTime":1689.824,"body":"I don't know. I believe that God is a God of"},{"startTime":1689.862,"endTime":1693.488,"body":"redemption and restoration. It doesn't mean your marriage has to be"},{"startTime":1693.574,"endTime":1696.988,"body":"redeemed or restored. Sure. Yeah. He can redeem other parts,"},{"startTime":1697.084,"endTime":1700.544,"body":"us individually. I do believe that. Which"},{"startTime":1700.582,"endTime":1703.728,"body":"is. I'm going to circle back to bad advice"},{"startTime":1703.904,"endTime":1707.7320000000002,"body":"about when you're in this situation. I think sometimes your friends, especially"},{"startTime":1707.786,"endTime":1711.544,"body":"our christian friends, they just want to put a positive spin. You'll be better"},{"startTime":1711.582,"endTime":1714.73,"body":"off, or God's got somebody better for you."},{"startTime":1716.14,"endTime":1719.864,"body":"Horrible. I never heard that. Thankfully, I never heard"},{"startTime":1719.902,"endTime":1723.544,"body":"anything like that ever. I did. Like, God's got somebody better or"},{"startTime":1723.582,"endTime":1726.5520000000001,"body":"whatever. You'll be happier with somebody else. No, that's terrible."},{"startTime":1726.616,"endTime":1730.364,"body":"Terrible, terrible. Yeah. And"},{"startTime":1730.402,"endTime":1733.9160000000002,"body":"once again, you can't speak for God. I don't know. I could die of a"},{"startTime":1733.938,"endTime":1737.612,"body":"car wreck tomorrow. I never found anybody else. Never did. So it's a lie"},{"startTime":1737.6760000000002,"endTime":1741.008,"body":"to tell somebody that. Here's what's going to happen in your life"},{"startTime":1741.174,"endTime":1744.7640000000001,"body":"now. Are there opportunities?"},{"startTime":1744.892,"endTime":1748.4640000000002,"body":"Sure. I think one of the things I want to"},{"startTime":1748.5020000000002,"endTime":1751.808,"body":"land the plane on, on this discussion for sure doesn't mean I'm landing the plane."},{"startTime":1751.824,"endTime":1754.3100000000002,"body":"But on this topic is"},{"startTime":1756.0400000000002,"endTime":1759.4920000000002,"body":"that I already lost my train of thought. It's this"},{"startTime":1759.546,"endTime":1763.22,"body":"idea that we live in this broken"},{"startTime":1763.3000000000002,"endTime":1766.808,"body":"world and nothing"},{"startTime":1766.894,"endTime":1770.01,"body":"is going to be perfect till we get to heaven. And so"},{"startTime":1771.42,"endTime":1774.9,"body":"this idea that american Christianity pushes"},{"startTime":1774.98,"endTime":1778.076,"body":"on us, that the Bible's a"},{"startTime":1778.0980000000002,"endTime":1781.23,"body":"playbook, your best life now."},{"startTime":1782.24,"endTime":1785.9360000000001,"body":"And as soon as this bad things happen, well, God's got something. But Jeremiah 20,"},{"startTime":1785.958,"endTime":1789.17,"body":"911. Nonsense. That idea,"},{"startTime":1791.7,"endTime":1794.924,"body":"it's nonsense. And we live in an american christian"},{"startTime":1794.972,"endTime":1798.508,"body":"culture of, well, I'm a Christian, and it's"},{"startTime":1798.5240000000001,"endTime":1802.304,"body":"always abundance, abundant living, abundant whatever. And"},{"startTime":1802.342,"endTime":1805.616,"body":"it's just like, well, pull yourself up. God's got something better for you. And it's"},{"startTime":1805.6480000000001,"endTime":1808.864,"body":"like, we live in a broken world. My marriage just broke. It's"},{"startTime":1808.912,"endTime":1812.68,"body":"broken, and I don't know if it's going to get fixed,"},{"startTime":1813.18,"endTime":1815.0800000000002,"body":"and it may not get fixed."},{"startTime":1816.94,"endTime":1820.692,"body":"What do you do in that? And so it's just that balance"},{"startTime":1820.756,"endTime":1823.16,"body":"between trusting the Lord,"},{"startTime":1824.14,"endTime":1827.976,"body":"drawing close to him, and living in a broken world that's"},{"startTime":1828.008,"endTime":1831.4360000000001,"body":"full of pain. I mean, if I have a takeaway from being"},{"startTime":1831.458,"endTime":1835.208,"body":"divorced, I am 100% more empathetic,"},{"startTime":1835.304,"endTime":1839.0880000000002,"body":"which is my next question for you, is I saw"},{"startTime":1839.174,"endTime":1842.976,"body":"things so differently until I walked it. And now that I walked it, it"},{"startTime":1842.998,"endTime":1846.6560000000002,"body":"is. The silver lining for me is that I am so much more"},{"startTime":1846.678,"endTime":1850.452,"body":"attentive to people who are hurting and broken than I"},{"startTime":1850.506,"endTime":1854.1960000000001,"body":"ever would have been before. I just didn't get it. And"},{"startTime":1854.218,"endTime":1858.0040000000001,"body":"now that I get it, I have a podcast, for crying out"},{"startTime":1858.0420000000001,"endTime":1861.844,"body":"loud, where I speak to people who, I mean, come"},{"startTime":1861.882,"endTime":1865.432,"body":"to me. You wouldn't believe the emails I get of people just like,"},{"startTime":1865.566,"endTime":1869.092,"body":"thank you. I never got this from anybody else at my church."},{"startTime":1869.236,"endTime":1872.996,"body":"Nobody gets I'm hurting. Whatever. I literally got some at YouTube"},{"startTime":1873.028,"endTime":1876.796,"body":"yesterday, said, please pray for me today. People are out there"},{"startTime":1876.8980000000001,"endTime":1880.604,"body":"hurting. They're hurting. And I don't know. I was"},{"startTime":1880.642,"endTime":1884.412,"body":"horrible at that. So I guess that segues. My question"},{"startTime":1884.4660000000001,"endTime":1887.728,"body":"to you is, what"},{"startTime":1887.894,"endTime":1891.3120000000001,"body":"advice would you give on this side of divorce to somebody going"},{"startTime":1891.366,"endTime":1894.784,"body":"through, or have you, or do you"},{"startTime":1894.8220000000001,"endTime":1898.528,"body":"frequently, what's some sort of high level bullet"},{"startTime":1898.544,"endTime":1901.9360000000001,"body":"points that if somebody, you know, Steve just moved"},{"startTime":1901.968,"endTime":1905.476,"body":"out, we're getting a divorce. What's your answer"},{"startTime":1905.5780000000002,"endTime":1908.71,"body":"now? And maybe what might have not been that before?"},{"startTime":1909.64,"endTime":1913.2040000000002,"body":"Yeah, I mean, definitely the whole, widen the circle. Like I talked"},{"startTime":1913.2420000000002,"endTime":1917.056,"body":"about, you make sure you've got a good"},{"startTime":1917.0980000000002,"endTime":1920.776,"body":"counselor, therapist. You got to have somebody like that outside of your"},{"startTime":1920.798,"endTime":1924.6360000000002,"body":"circle, too, that you can just talk to. Right. That's just so not a"},{"startTime":1924.6580000000001,"endTime":1928.3000000000002,"body":"friend conversation. Yeah. Somebody that's, like, trained."},{"startTime":1928.72,"endTime":1932.5240000000001,"body":"And then I would encourage them. And even"},{"startTime":1932.5620000000001,"endTime":1936.316,"body":"walk alongside them, if I could, if it was that kind of a friend or"},{"startTime":1936.3380000000002,"endTime":1940.064,"body":"whatever, of like, okay, what is your time in the word looking"},{"startTime":1940.102,"endTime":1943.776,"body":"like, where are you at? You know what I mean? Are you angry and"},{"startTime":1943.798,"endTime":1947.344,"body":"just don't. Or are you wanting to? Just like, I did"},{"startTime":1947.382,"endTime":1950.0700000000002,"body":"basically sleep with your bible. You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":1951.64,"endTime":1954.0700000000002,"body":"I had it right there with me all the time."},{"startTime":1955.16,"endTime":1958.5600000000002,"body":"Because you got to just really cling to the Lord."},{"startTime":1958.72,"endTime":1962.296,"body":"And then, I think, really be focused on, if you have"},{"startTime":1962.3980000000001,"endTime":1966.1360000000002,"body":"children, what are their needs? Where are they at? What"},{"startTime":1966.1580000000001,"endTime":1969.96,"body":"help do they need right now? And really, your focus,"},{"startTime":1970.0300000000002,"endTime":1973.8700000000001,"body":"if you have children, it really should just be on"},{"startTime":1974.64,"endTime":1978.1100000000001,"body":"you, your healing and your kids"},{"startTime":1980.3200000000002,"endTime":1983.5500000000002,"body":"also, you got to fight. Right? So there's that layer, too,"},{"startTime":1984.0,"endTime":1987.7920000000001,"body":"but there's so many layers. But hone in on that,"},{"startTime":1987.846,"endTime":1991.68,"body":"because your kids right now need way more"},{"startTime":1991.75,"endTime":1995.3120000000001,"body":"help, way more attention, way more care and love than they ever"},{"startTime":1995.366,"endTime":1999.2160000000001,"body":"have. But you also need that, too. So it's hard because. And"},{"startTime":1999.238,"endTime":2002.9160000000002,"body":"I was in that situation where my girls were really"},{"startTime":2003.018,"endTime":2006.596,"body":"struggling. I had fallen apart, and it was like,"},{"startTime":2006.6180000000002,"endTime":2010.036,"body":"okay, well, I kind of had to pull myself up by my"},{"startTime":2010.058,"endTime":2013.5600000000002,"body":"bootstraps with the Lord's help and really just"},{"startTime":2013.63,"endTime":2016.97,"body":"pour into them. But I really think you need to make it about"},{"startTime":2018.5400000000002,"endTime":2022.1960000000001,"body":"taking care of yourself, taking care of your kids, spending"},{"startTime":2022.228,"endTime":2025.9560000000001,"body":"time with the Lord, having a good therapist, and that's"},{"startTime":2025.988,"endTime":2029.356,"body":"kind of your world for a while. I totally agree. Matter of fact, I was"},{"startTime":2029.3780000000002,"endTime":2032.972,"body":"going to ask that. You're touching on exactly what I was going to ask you."},{"startTime":2033.106,"endTime":2036.892,"body":"That tension between being a good parent and"},{"startTime":2037.026,"endTime":2040.736,"body":"remembering the airline when the face mask. You got to take"},{"startTime":2040.758,"endTime":2044.112,"body":"care of yourself. At the same time, you got to take care of your kids."},{"startTime":2044.1660000000002,"endTime":2047.824,"body":"And it's a weird balance, because if"},{"startTime":2047.862,"endTime":2051.476,"body":"you're not healthy, you're not going to be healthy for your kids. And at the"},{"startTime":2051.498,"endTime":2055.344,"body":"same time, I know people who are trying to get healthy in the unhealthy"},{"startTime":2055.392,"endTime":2059.172,"body":"ways. Yeah. Codependent or dating. They're like, well,"},{"startTime":2059.306,"endTime":2063.06,"body":"I need blank. No, you don't. You don't"},{"startTime":2063.2200000000003,"endTime":2066.44,"body":"focus on those kids. Breathe,"},{"startTime":2066.94,"endTime":2069.77,"body":"rest, sleep, sleep. You even said about the thing,"},{"startTime":2070.62,"endTime":2074.12,"body":"seriously, if you sit home, eat horrible, you feel"},{"startTime":2074.19,"endTime":2077.996,"body":"horrible, you feel horrible, you eat horrible. And it's a circle down. But"},{"startTime":2078.018,"endTime":2081.496,"body":"at the same time, I give people permission to nap."},{"startTime":2081.608,"endTime":2085.436,"body":"Like watch Netflix flip. Like, it's okay, but get up and walk."},{"startTime":2085.538,"endTime":2087.948,"body":"Say yes to things you don't want to say yes to. Just get out of"},{"startTime":2087.954,"endTime":2091.696,"body":"the house. You got to socialize. I totally believe in that. But you said"},{"startTime":2091.7180000000003,"endTime":2095.056,"body":"something a second ago, and I'm going to push a little bit on it. Like,"},{"startTime":2095.078,"endTime":2098.828,"body":"you ask somebody, are you still angry? Well, sometimes the answer is, it's"},{"startTime":2098.844,"endTime":2102.39,"body":"okay. Do you want to live in anger? No,"},{"startTime":2102.76,"endTime":2106.5480000000002,"body":"but it's sort of the front. It's back to that. Christianse, I don't like"},{"startTime":2106.634,"endTime":2110.068,"body":"is this idea of like, well, I'm really anxious about this."},{"startTime":2110.234,"endTime":2113.704,"body":"We're fixing to lose our house. My kids got cancer. Whatever. Well, the Bible says,"},{"startTime":2113.742,"endTime":2117.56,"body":"don't be anxious. Screw you, Bob. I'm anxious."},{"startTime":2118.3,"endTime":2121.6040000000003,"body":"And so my answer is, I'm angry. Well, you shouldn't be angry."},{"startTime":2121.652,"endTime":2125.3360000000002,"body":"Well, you may have plenty to be angry for, but"},{"startTime":2125.438,"endTime":2128.4880000000003,"body":"don't live in it. How long are you in that? Yeah. And are you angry"},{"startTime":2128.504,"endTime":2132.156,"body":"at the Lord? Are you angry at the situation? Great. Where's the"},{"startTime":2132.178,"endTime":2135.916,"body":"anger? And for me,"},{"startTime":2136.098,"endTime":2139.81,"body":"if I was in that situation, okay, why am I angry? What's going on?"},{"startTime":2140.42,"endTime":2143.712,"body":"And maybe it's just everything has come crashing down around"},{"startTime":2143.766,"endTime":2147.568,"body":"me, but I think that's kind of"},{"startTime":2147.654,"endTime":2151.328,"body":"an emotion. God gave us all the emotions. Right. There's"},{"startTime":2151.344,"endTime":2154.916,"body":"a time for everything. There's time for everything, right. But you also don't want"},{"startTime":2154.938,"endTime":2158.436,"body":"to hang out there too long. So I think"},{"startTime":2158.458,"endTime":2162.288,"body":"that allowing yourself to feel that stuff, but then also reminding"},{"startTime":2162.304,"endTime":2165.976,"body":"yourself of the truth while you're angry. That's right. And having a"},{"startTime":2165.998,"endTime":2169.4320000000002,"body":"long vision that realize it's a season. It's a season. You're in a"},{"startTime":2169.486,"endTime":2172.17,"body":"season right now that does end."},{"startTime":2173.5,"endTime":2176.3160000000003,"body":"And I say this all the time. The end isn't when you get a new"},{"startTime":2176.338,"endTime":2179.34,"body":"spouse or a new boyfriend or a new girlfriend. That is not"},{"startTime":2179.4900000000002,"endTime":2183.34,"body":"next. You've got so much work. It is so"},{"startTime":2183.4100000000003,"endTime":2186.78,"body":"hard to unyoke and to be"},{"startTime":2186.85,"endTime":2190.3360000000002,"body":"single. Learn who you are, not who you were."},{"startTime":2190.518,"endTime":2194.1440000000002,"body":"That person's gone. Your pre divorce self, your pre"},{"startTime":2194.1820000000002,"endTime":2197.904,"body":"marriage person, is not you anymore. You've been married. Maybe you have"},{"startTime":2197.942,"endTime":2201.684,"body":"kids, maybe you don't. You've got to unyoke and"},{"startTime":2201.722,"endTime":2205.332,"body":"then move forward, and that's this long season. And"},{"startTime":2205.386,"endTime":2208.884,"body":"throwing somebody in there to date, to just kill your time or to make you"},{"startTime":2208.922,"endTime":2212.6600000000003,"body":"think, I need somebody is one of the most foolish things"},{"startTime":2212.73,"endTime":2216.184,"body":"you can do post divorce. I think it's selfish. It's very"},{"startTime":2216.222,"endTime":2220.0080000000003,"body":"selfish. Yeah, it's selfish for the other person. I mean, it"},{"startTime":2220.014,"endTime":2223.736,"body":"hurts them. It hurts them. Hurt people. Hurt people. You're wasting time. And it"},{"startTime":2223.7580000000003,"endTime":2227.224,"body":"hurts your kids. Oh, totally. And really, honestly, it hurts you in the long"},{"startTime":2227.262,"endTime":2230.956,"body":"run. It hurts you in the long run. I agree. And I also"},{"startTime":2230.978,"endTime":2233.804,"body":"want to say, because a friend had said this to me, she's like, a few"},{"startTime":2233.842,"endTime":2237.6440000000002,"body":"years ahead of me being divorced. And this was a"},{"startTime":2237.6820000000002,"endTime":2241.424,"body":"few years ago. We were out on a walk and she"},{"startTime":2241.462,"endTime":2244.944,"body":"said, yeah, I was talking to a group of people that they've all been"},{"startTime":2244.982,"endTime":2248.752,"body":"divorced. And they were all kind of talking about,"},{"startTime":2248.806,"endTime":2252.164,"body":"how long does it take until you don't wake up and think about"},{"startTime":2252.362,"endTime":2256.004,"body":"your ex anymore? And the consensus was"},{"startTime":2256.042,"endTime":2259.764,"body":"about five years. And what's really interesting, it was"},{"startTime":2259.802,"endTime":2262.01,"body":"about around the five year mark for me,"},{"startTime":2264.46,"endTime":2267.944,"body":"it shifted. I"},{"startTime":2267.982,"endTime":2271.784,"body":"agree. I'm five plus years, and I'm in a place now where"},{"startTime":2271.822,"endTime":2274.73,"body":"I was not a year ago or two years ago."},{"startTime":2276.2400000000002,"endTime":2279.964,"body":"I've been embarrassed about it because I hear people get married in one year, two"},{"startTime":2280.002,"endTime":2283.804,"body":"year, three year, and I'm like, I raised my hand."},{"startTime":2283.842,"endTime":2287.536,"body":"It's taken me five years to finally get like,"},{"startTime":2287.638,"endTime":2290.53,"body":"this is really funny. I haven't told anybody this. So here we go,"},{"startTime":2291.14,"endTime":2294.4500000000003,"body":"everybody. Okay, we're recording this, by the way."},{"startTime":2299.06,"endTime":2302.384,"body":"I'm going to say now, nothing is like at this"},{"startTime":2302.422,"endTime":2305.476,"body":"moment, it happens a little bit, then more and more and more, and then next"},{"startTime":2305.498,"endTime":2309.216,"body":"thing you know, it's like, oh, it's happening. I can sit at my kitchen"},{"startTime":2309.248,"endTime":2311.956,"body":"table. You know how long I sit at my kitchen table alone? And I would"},{"startTime":2311.978,"endTime":2315.768,"body":"just feel alone at my kitchen table. And now I sit at"},{"startTime":2315.774,"endTime":2318.3920000000003,"body":"my kitchen table. I'm just happy to be at my kitchen. I don't even think"},{"startTime":2318.446,"endTime":2322.264,"body":"about, I used to be married. I used to, or I"},{"startTime":2322.302,"endTime":2325.964,"body":"want to be. I just exist. And I sit"},{"startTime":2326.002,"endTime":2329.768,"body":"down and read a book on my couch alone. And I'm"},{"startTime":2329.784,"endTime":2333.228,"body":"just happy. I have a house and a place to have. I am"},{"startTime":2333.3140000000003,"endTime":2336.69,"body":"content being. It took me five"},{"startTime":2337.7000000000003,"endTime":2341.436,"body":"years to get there and a lot of failed"},{"startTime":2341.4680000000003,"endTime":2344.976,"body":"nonsense along the way. Like, it wasn't a smooth ride. But I"},{"startTime":2344.998,"endTime":2347.57,"body":"finally am just happy"},{"startTime":2348.58,"endTime":2352.004,"body":"where I'm at. And it's been a"},{"startTime":2352.042,"endTime":2355.876,"body":"tough journey because how many times I"},{"startTime":2355.898,"endTime":2359.344,"body":"think I mentioned this on podcast,"},{"startTime":2359.3920000000003,"endTime":2363.176,"body":"YouTube, something, but at one time, I remember getting out of bed and I"},{"startTime":2363.198,"endTime":2366.6,"body":"just threw the covers off in anger. I was so"},{"startTime":2366.67,"endTime":2370.036,"body":"mad that I was alone mad."},{"startTime":2370.228,"endTime":2373.896,"body":"And I was like, I shouldn't be alone. Why am I alone? I went up,"},{"startTime":2373.918,"endTime":2377.356,"body":"got, went to the bathroom, and I came back and I was like, I was"},{"startTime":2377.378,"endTime":2380.828,"body":"processing, like, what am I so mad in my 50,"},{"startTime":2380.914,"endTime":2384.556,"body":"whatever, 40 at the time, 48 year, I've never thrown the"},{"startTime":2384.578,"endTime":2388.328,"body":"covers off violently. That never happened. So I knew something was"},{"startTime":2388.3540000000003,"endTime":2392.016,"body":"weird because who does that? And so I walk back to bed. I"},{"startTime":2392.038,"endTime":2395.536,"body":"go, what is it? What triggered that? And it was because"},{"startTime":2395.638,"endTime":2399.376,"body":"I wanted someone to be quiet, to get up. I wanted to come"},{"startTime":2399.398,"endTime":2403.092,"body":"back to bed quietly. I wanted somebody to be there."},{"startTime":2403.226,"endTime":2406.8520000000003,"body":"And they weren't. And I was mad that everything had been, that"},{"startTime":2406.906,"endTime":2410.708,"body":"I loved and cherished was taken away from me. I was"},{"startTime":2410.794,"endTime":2414.33,"body":"just ticked. And then it took a year or two to"},{"startTime":2414.86,"endTime":2418.408,"body":"learn how to sleep alone without having somebody"},{"startTime":2418.494,"endTime":2422.136,"body":"there with me. I was like 20 years, almost. Like,"},{"startTime":2422.158,"endTime":2425.56,"body":"that's a long time to sleep with somebody. Then they're not there anymore."},{"startTime":2426.06,"endTime":2429.884,"body":"And then all I say, all the new habits and patterns and whatever, and then"},{"startTime":2430.002,"endTime":2433.2760000000003,"body":"you start forward thinking about, well, what do you want? A new relationship? What would"},{"startTime":2433.2980000000002,"endTime":2436.86,"body":"that look like? And how am I going to navigate that and whatever."},{"startTime":2437.01,"endTime":2440.748,"body":"And then now I'm past that and I'm just like Tod. It's"},{"startTime":2440.764,"endTime":2444.0480000000002,"body":"just God and me and my family, and that's where I'm putting my effort and"},{"startTime":2444.054,"endTime":2447.7760000000003,"body":"my work. And it's like, I don't know. I"},{"startTime":2447.7980000000002,"endTime":2451.09,"body":"finally got to the point of considering what would life be like"},{"startTime":2451.7000000000003,"endTime":2455.06,"body":"if I never get married. Because before I always thought I will. Now I'm like,"},{"startTime":2455.13,"endTime":2458.896,"body":"maybe I won't. Yeah. You know what? It's sort of nice. Well, that's"},{"startTime":2458.928,"endTime":2462.532,"body":"good. Five years. That's great. So maybe your people are right."},{"startTime":2462.5860000000002,"endTime":2466.08,"body":"Maybe five years. The mark. I guess it's a ratio of how long. If you've"},{"startTime":2466.09,"endTime":2469.0280000000002,"body":"been married three years and get divorced, I guess it'd take you five to undo"},{"startTime":2469.044,"endTime":2472.17,"body":"it. Yeah, probably not. There's a ratio here, but you never know."},{"startTime":2472.62,"endTime":2475.196,"body":"You don't know how long because how long is it going to take you to"},{"startTime":2475.2180000000003,"endTime":2478.476,"body":"heal? Once again, you sort of said it"},{"startTime":2478.498,"endTime":2481.9500000000003,"body":"earlier, though. One person,"},{"startTime":2482.64,"endTime":2486.44,"body":"I'm going to say typically, I don't know if that's a fair way to"},{"startTime":2486.4500000000003,"endTime":2490.288,"body":"say it. One person typically is the instigator of"},{"startTime":2490.294,"endTime":2494.076,"body":"a divorce. Right. One person normally skews a little bit harder"},{"startTime":2494.108,"endTime":2497.744,"body":"as they're the violator of trust or the betrayer or"},{"startTime":2497.942,"endTime":2501.7760000000003,"body":"whatever it is. But none of us"},{"startTime":2501.7980000000002,"endTime":2505.408,"body":"are fully innocent. No. At all. Sure. Nobody's perfect. Nobody's"},{"startTime":2505.424,"endTime":2508.036,"body":"perfect. And it's not as simple as, well, I should have done this one thing."},{"startTime":2508.058,"endTime":2511.7960000000003,"body":"No. What is the root problem of that? Made you do that"},{"startTime":2511.818,"endTime":2515.464,"body":"or not do that? And being single is a great time to"},{"startTime":2515.502,"endTime":2519.0640000000003,"body":"just say, all right, lord, let's get under the hood, figure"},{"startTime":2519.1020000000003,"endTime":2522.7760000000003,"body":"out why do I think this way? Why do I act this"},{"startTime":2522.7980000000002,"endTime":2526.556,"body":"way? Why did I treat them this way when this happened? And why did"},{"startTime":2526.578,"endTime":2530.364,"body":"I allow that thing to happen? And that takes time."},{"startTime":2530.482,"endTime":2534.236,"body":"It takes therapy, takes wisdom. Yeah. And I"},{"startTime":2534.2580000000003,"endTime":2537.596,"body":"think it's important to just take out that time to really work on yourself. And"},{"startTime":2537.618,"endTime":2540.5080000000003,"body":"I do want to say, and I love that you're in a place where you're"},{"startTime":2540.524,"endTime":2544.304,"body":"like, I am so happy being alone and all that. I also want to speak"},{"startTime":2544.342,"endTime":2548.14,"body":"to the person that's like, I struggle with being single. I want to"},{"startTime":2548.15,"endTime":2551.46,"body":"do life with somebody. I don't like being alone because I think the church"},{"startTime":2551.96,"endTime":2555.11,"body":"really promotes the whole, like, singleness is a."},{"startTime":2560.44,"endTime":2564.036,"body":"I feel like that's taking some scripture out"},{"startTime":2564.058,"endTime":2567.784,"body":"of context. Yeah. How did God, when Eve came,"},{"startTime":2567.822,"endTime":2571.288,"body":"he goes, this is good. And then later, Paul's like, well, it's so good to"},{"startTime":2571.294,"endTime":2575.096,"body":"be single. It's like, well, hold on, which one is it? Because if"},{"startTime":2575.118,"endTime":2577.98,"body":"it's good to be single, then Adam could have just hung out by himself."},{"startTime":2578.88,"endTime":2582.652,"body":"It ain't that. Know."},{"startTime":2582.706,"endTime":2586.376,"body":"God even said, it's not good for a man to be know. I don't"},{"startTime":2586.408,"endTime":2590.1440000000002,"body":"buy into that idea of, like, singleness is this amazing gift. Do"},{"startTime":2590.1820000000002,"endTime":2593.744,"body":"I think that this is a gift that was given to me? No,"},{"startTime":2593.942,"endTime":2597.44,"body":"it wasn't a gift. I'm in this situation because of sin."},{"startTime":2598.84,"endTime":2602.452,"body":"Broken world ripples. Yeah. It doesn't mean that I don't have"},{"startTime":2602.5060000000003,"endTime":2606.164,"body":"joy, that I'm not content with the"},{"startTime":2606.202,"endTime":2609.75,"body":"Lord and what he's given me and taken away"},{"startTime":2610.12,"endTime":2613.8160000000003,"body":"and all that. But if you do have a desire to"},{"startTime":2613.998,"endTime":2617.21,"body":"not do life by yourself,"},{"startTime":2617.6600000000003,"endTime":2621.1440000000002,"body":"that's okay. That's a good desire. And the"},{"startTime":2621.1820000000002,"endTime":2624.716,"body":"Lord puts that on some of our hearts. And for some of us, he's like,"},{"startTime":2624.7380000000003,"endTime":2628.364,"body":"no, for some people, he does give"},{"startTime":2628.402,"endTime":2632.092,"body":"them the gift of celibacy, which is actually what that verse is talking"},{"startTime":2632.146,"endTime":2635.7560000000003,"body":"about. Right? Yeah. Which not everybody has that gift. Not"},{"startTime":2635.7780000000002,"endTime":2639.532,"body":"everyone has that gift. That's 100% taking. So I just wanted to speak to that"},{"startTime":2639.5860000000002,"endTime":2642.656,"body":"because. No, that's a great point. That's a slippery slope. Because we could talk an"},{"startTime":2642.678,"endTime":2646.396,"body":"hour about this. Because I get confused"},{"startTime":2646.5080000000003,"endTime":2649.86,"body":"on that, because when I hear, here's what I know about you."},{"startTime":2649.9300000000003,"endTime":2653.54,"body":"Okay. We've talked outside these microphones before."},{"startTime":2653.61,"endTime":2656.79,"body":"Okay. But I do believe what it takes"},{"startTime":2657.4,"endTime":2661.188,"body":"to have a successful second marriage or third or"},{"startTime":2661.194,"endTime":2664.824,"body":"whatever next marriage, whatever that number is. Say"},{"startTime":2664.862,"endTime":2668.01,"body":"second. Because that's why I see it is"},{"startTime":2668.46,"endTime":2671.976,"body":"this desire that says, I want to"},{"startTime":2672.078,"endTime":2675.8520000000003,"body":"love someone biblically. Yeah. And"},{"startTime":2675.906,"endTime":2679.7560000000003,"body":"I want to partner with somebody. We live because of what I said about"},{"startTime":2679.7780000000002,"endTime":2683.596,"body":"the american christian culture. We have this idea of, like,"},{"startTime":2683.618,"endTime":2687.0840000000003,"body":"whatever makes me happy, whatever. I have all this"},{"startTime":2687.1220000000003,"endTime":2690.736,"body":"criteria for somebody to be my next. And if you don't behave this way, then"},{"startTime":2690.7580000000003,"endTime":2693.228,"body":"I'm not going to behave this way. And we put our walls up, and that's"},{"startTime":2693.244,"endTime":2696.704,"body":"why we see the swipe. Culture is so"},{"startTime":2696.742,"endTime":2700.588,"body":"dangerous because it's like, when you're compatible for me, I'll"},{"startTime":2700.6040000000003,"endTime":2704.132,"body":"love you. And the Bible is like, no, you love and then you become"},{"startTime":2704.266,"endTime":2707.824,"body":"compatible. You have to have that attitude of like, I want to be someone's"},{"startTime":2707.8720000000003,"endTime":2710.904,"body":"partner and I will suffer, I will"},{"startTime":2710.942,"endTime":2714.09,"body":"sacrifice, I will do what's best"},{"startTime":2714.62,"endTime":2718.068,"body":"for that relationship at my own demise."},{"startTime":2718.244,"endTime":2722.056,"body":"That will work. Yeah, totally. And I don't think when"},{"startTime":2722.078,"endTime":2725.708,"body":"I say I don't see that hardly at all."},{"startTime":2725.8740000000003,"endTime":2729.676,"body":"And by the way, I'm guilty. This is not me criticizing the world. I"},{"startTime":2729.698,"endTime":2732.504,"body":"have been guilty of this, of being highly"},{"startTime":2732.552,"endTime":2736.364,"body":"judgmental and wondering, well, that's not"},{"startTime":2736.402,"endTime":2740.128,"body":"a compatible. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that. So I'm not going"},{"startTime":2740.134,"endTime":2743.856,"body":"to do that because I don't have to. Which is another thing we don't have"},{"startTime":2743.878,"endTime":2747.2000000000003,"body":"to. I know. Isn't it complicated?"},{"startTime":2748.98,"endTime":2752.64,"body":"This is the thing I can't do. I'm a pretty good empathizer"},{"startTime":2753.06,"endTime":2755.696,"body":"and I'm pretty good at, you don't have to die to write a death scene."},{"startTime":2755.728,"endTime":2759.4120000000003,"body":"So I'm pretty good at putting myself in people's place. I don't understand the difference"},{"startTime":2759.466,"endTime":2763.268,"body":"between being divorced in your even 40s, but fifty s"},{"startTime":2763.274,"endTime":2766.8520000000003,"body":"and sixty s. I feel like your ruts are, you're deeper."},{"startTime":2766.916,"endTime":2770.616,"body":"It's harder to combine lives here than it is in your 20s. It's like you"},{"startTime":2770.638,"endTime":2773.9880000000003,"body":"get divorced in your 20s. You're like, well, I can still have kids. My career"},{"startTime":2774.004,"endTime":2777.596,"body":"is still going. Everything's on this forward path. And you just say, oh, I'll pick"},{"startTime":2777.618,"endTime":2781.0840000000003,"body":"a new person and we'll keep going at this"},{"startTime":2781.1220000000003,"endTime":2784.04,"body":"side past childbirthing and rearing"},{"startTime":2784.12,"endTime":2787.752,"body":"ages. I feel like you do have this choice of like, well,"},{"startTime":2787.826,"endTime":2791.388,"body":"I could just. Well, there's always a choice."},{"startTime":2791.5640000000003,"endTime":2795.196,"body":"It just depends on where you're at and what your personality"},{"startTime":2795.228,"endTime":2799.056,"body":"is like and what you're desiring and different things like that. Don't you"},{"startTime":2799.078,"endTime":2802.916,"body":"want to for everybody couple with people going in the same direction you're going with"},{"startTime":2802.938,"endTime":2806.6240000000003,"body":"and you have the ability to do that. Yeah. So where's that tension"},{"startTime":2806.672,"endTime":2810.244,"body":"between what is compatible and then what"},{"startTime":2810.282,"endTime":2811.88,"body":"is desirable?"},{"startTime":2814.7000000000003,"endTime":2818.536,"body":"If we're talking about finding another spouse, dating stuff like, mean, I"},{"startTime":2818.558,"endTime":2822.2960000000003,"body":"think that people just get way too picky on know. I think"},{"startTime":2822.318,"endTime":2826.02,"body":"it should just be some of the basics of, like, do they love Jesus?"},{"startTime":2826.1,"endTime":2829.7560000000003,"body":"Are they actually walking with the Lord? Do they have a forgiving heart? Do"},{"startTime":2829.7780000000002,"endTime":2833.356,"body":"they like, kind of just like basics. And"},{"startTime":2833.378,"endTime":2836.876,"body":"then a lot of the other stuff is just kind of like, those"},{"startTime":2836.898,"endTime":2837.58,"body":"aren't."},{"startTime":2841.6800000000003,"endTime":2845.376,"body":"So I've said this before to somebody. I've said"},{"startTime":2845.398,"endTime":2848.08,"body":"it multiple times. It feels"},{"startTime":2849.14,"endTime":2852.69,"body":"stupid, but I think I'm right. And that is"},{"startTime":2853.8,"endTime":2857.536,"body":"I almost want to repeat everything you just said. If someone loves the Lord,"},{"startTime":2857.568,"endTime":2861.35,"body":"like they're truly, like they are trying to"},{"startTime":2861.7200000000003,"endTime":2865.552,"body":"be christlike. Okay, I'm not saying they're religious."},{"startTime":2865.616,"endTime":2869.32,"body":"I'm not. Forget they go to church. It's christlike"},{"startTime":2869.82,"endTime":2873.288,"body":"and they're a good communicator and they understand what a"},{"startTime":2873.294,"endTime":2876.876,"body":"covenant means. Couldn't those people just get married and you work it"},{"startTime":2876.898,"endTime":2880.572,"body":"out? Yes. I feel like people could just say, totally, I found"},{"startTime":2880.626,"endTime":2884.428,"body":"somebody fits these criteria and we're going to"},{"startTime":2884.434,"endTime":2888.14,"body":"make a commitment and we're going to be in a covenant. And it may suck"},{"startTime":2888.64,"endTime":2892.3360000000002,"body":"for a while and it may be bumpy some areas because you'll realize, oh"},{"startTime":2892.358,"endTime":2895.2960000000003,"body":"my gosh, I didn't know you chewed with your mouth open. And for the love"},{"startTime":2895.318,"endTime":2899.068,"body":"of goodness, that drives me crazy. But if somebody's christlike"},{"startTime":2899.164,"endTime":2902.948,"body":"and they're a good communicator, talk about it. Can't you work through that?"},{"startTime":2903.114,"endTime":2906.772,"body":"Because I love you and I love the Lord, I'm going to"},{"startTime":2906.826,"endTime":2910.324,"body":"work on my chewing. And because you love the Lord and"},{"startTime":2910.362,"endTime":2914.1040000000003,"body":"you're, you're like, I'm gonna learn to not get so freaking upset about"},{"startTime":2914.1420000000003,"endTime":2917.7200000000003,"body":"it. Sure. I think so. I think so."},{"startTime":2917.87,"endTime":2920.504,"body":"There's a pastor that I follow and he says it all the time. He says"},{"startTime":2920.542,"endTime":2924.136,"body":"that? He even says this because he speaks more to"},{"startTime":2924.158,"endTime":2927.7560000000003,"body":"like, kids in their twenty s and stuff like that. Well, young adults, not kids,"},{"startTime":2927.7780000000002,"endTime":2931.5280000000002,"body":"young adults. But he said that young adults"},{"startTime":2931.544,"endTime":2934.616,"body":"will come to him all the time. Like, oh, I can't find somebody to marry."},{"startTime":2934.728,"endTime":2938.1440000000002,"body":"And he's like, literally you could be married by the end of the week. Yeah,"},{"startTime":2938.262,"endTime":2941.936,"body":"literally you could. If you want to. If you want to. And like you said,"},{"startTime":2941.958,"endTime":2945.2000000000003,"body":"just find someone with those kind of criteria that also"},{"startTime":2945.27,"endTime":2948.844,"body":"has a teachable"},{"startTime":2948.8920000000003,"endTime":2951.6,"body":"heart. Right? Teachable spirit."},{"startTime":2952.9,"endTime":2956.116,"body":"This is a whole other topic. It's a whole nother top. We've slippery slope, but"},{"startTime":2956.138,"endTime":2959.556,"body":"it's a great point. But you could, it's not that hard. And I think that"},{"startTime":2959.578,"endTime":2963.348,"body":"today, if we're just"},{"startTime":2963.3540000000003,"endTime":2966.76,"body":"talking about dating and stuff like that, we make it so much about us."},{"startTime":2966.9100000000003,"endTime":2970.664,"body":"It's such a selfish thing. Instead of going like, hey, can I find"},{"startTime":2970.702,"endTime":2974.54,"body":"somebody that loves Jesus, is a hard worker, has some of these"},{"startTime":2974.69,"endTime":2978.332,"body":"basic, really awesome core things and then, okay,"},{"startTime":2978.386,"endTime":2982.092,"body":"how can we die to ourselves to build something"},{"startTime":2982.146,"endTime":2985.804,"body":"and honor the Lord? Okay, agreed. But now"},{"startTime":2985.922,"endTime":2989.728,"body":"we're going to wrap up. We're going to combine two things that feel over here."},{"startTime":2989.8140000000003,"endTime":2993.312,"body":"Okay? And that is, I believe everything you just said and I said is true"},{"startTime":2993.446,"endTime":2997.2960000000003,"body":"about marriage. And at the same time, it"},{"startTime":2997.318,"endTime":3001.06,"body":"doesn't feel prudent for two hurt people or a hurt person"},{"startTime":3001.13,"endTime":3004.82,"body":"to marry, which is why we're saying, don't"},{"startTime":3005.1600000000003,"endTime":3007.3,"body":"start that until you've healed."},{"startTime":3009.2400000000002,"endTime":3012.4680000000003,"body":"We're speaking out of both sides of our mouth, but I believe they're both"},{"startTime":3012.634,"endTime":3015.2400000000002,"body":"together. But I think it's good stuff to have in the back of your mind"},{"startTime":3015.31,"endTime":3018.25,"body":"while you're walking through the healing process. Yeah."},{"startTime":3019.02,"endTime":3022.5840000000003,"body":"When it comes time to date later, we'll have another conversation about"},{"startTime":3022.6220000000003,"endTime":3025.7560000000003,"body":"dating and what the lenses you have on, because I think that's important. But I"},{"startTime":3025.7780000000002,"endTime":3029.484,"body":"would also say it would not be wise because you can't make"},{"startTime":3029.522,"endTime":3032.46,"body":"good decisions when you're hurt. Divorce is"},{"startTime":3032.53,"endTime":3036.368,"body":"trauma. I want to screen that. It's not"},{"startTime":3036.454,"endTime":3039.916,"body":"a sheet of paper and moving houses."},{"startTime":3040.108,"endTime":3043.36,"body":"It's trauma. It's generational."},{"startTime":3043.7000000000003,"endTime":3047.376,"body":"And it takes a long time to come out of it and"},{"startTime":3047.478,"endTime":3051.284,"body":"to land well. And not everybody lands well. No. And a lot of people"},{"startTime":3051.322,"endTime":3054.324,"body":"make bad decisions. Life decisions, bad"},{"startTime":3054.362,"endTime":3058.164,"body":"haircuts, bad life decisions, bad job changes, bad new"},{"startTime":3058.202,"endTime":3062.024,"body":"boyfriends, bad new husbands. And I actually read"},{"startTime":3062.062,"endTime":3065.61,"body":"a stat today that said that 6%"},{"startTime":3066.14,"endTime":3068.9700000000003,"body":"of people remarry their first"},{"startTime":3069.42,"endTime":3072.9680000000003,"body":"spouse and 70% of those get"},{"startTime":3073.054,"endTime":3076.748,"body":"divorced again. Isn't that crazy? It makes you"},{"startTime":3076.754,"endTime":3079.992,"body":"wonder, like, whatever the dysfunction was the first time never really disappeared,"},{"startTime":3080.056,"endTime":3083.804,"body":"but they went back because it was familiar or"},{"startTime":3083.842,"endTime":3087.196,"body":"whatever. They're still hurt. So, anyway, I think that leads"},{"startTime":3087.228,"endTime":3090.896,"body":"to get healed. Heal your kids."},{"startTime":3090.998,"endTime":3094.364,"body":"They will thank you later. They may not thank you, but Jesus"},{"startTime":3094.4120000000003,"endTime":3098.176,"body":"will. And I think also just kind of be"},{"startTime":3098.198,"endTime":3101.588,"body":"very mindful of who you talk to about what's going on. And"},{"startTime":3101.674,"endTime":3105.4300000000003,"body":"especially don't be talking about it on social media."},{"startTime":3106.6800000000003,"endTime":3110.0840000000003,"body":"And be very careful about the words that you say about your"},{"startTime":3110.1220000000003,"endTime":3113.264,"body":"ex. That's your kid's parents."},{"startTime":3113.3920000000003,"endTime":3117.188,"body":"Yeah. In the Bible, it says, like, the overflow from the overflow"},{"startTime":3117.204,"endTime":3120.6,"body":"of the heart. The mouth speaks, right. So"},{"startTime":3120.75,"endTime":3124.132,"body":"really check in on yourself, and if you are speaking a lot of negativity,"},{"startTime":3124.196,"endTime":3127.868,"body":"go, what's going on in my heart? You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":3128.034,"endTime":3131.4700000000003,"body":"It doesn't mean they don't deserve, doesn't mean they've not done wrong."},{"startTime":3132.1600000000003,"endTime":3135.98,"body":"It doesn't mean any of that. But you also have control"},{"startTime":3136.05,"endTime":3139.4900000000002,"body":"over what you speak, what you're thinking about, what you're harboring in your heart,"},{"startTime":3140.1,"endTime":3143.92,"body":"and really just keeping it more quiet, keeping it to yourself."},{"startTime":3143.9900000000002,"endTime":3147.792,"body":"Having some really trusted people you talk to. Awesome. But then outside"},{"startTime":3147.846,"endTime":3148.61,"body":"of that."},{"startTime":3151.4,"endTime":3152.55,"body":"Totally agree."},{"startTime":3155.64,"endTime":3159.476,"body":"It doesn't make you look wise. And everybody knows when you're on"},{"startTime":3159.498,"endTime":3162.724,"body":"social media and you see something, you're only getting one side of the story. It"},{"startTime":3162.762,"endTime":3166.536,"body":"just feels foolish. It is foolish. It is foolish. And"},{"startTime":3166.558,"endTime":3170.376,"body":"your kids hear it, and that's their parent. And I don't care if your"},{"startTime":3170.398,"endTime":3174.0080000000003,"body":"parents screwed up. You did too. You did, too in"},{"startTime":3174.094,"endTime":3177.536,"body":"various ways. And so you have to be super duper"},{"startTime":3177.588,"endTime":3181.196,"body":"careful about how you speak to the public and how you speak to your"},{"startTime":3181.2180000000003,"endTime":3184.956,"body":"kids about your ex. No matter they may be an idiot, they"},{"startTime":3184.978,"endTime":3188.544,"body":"may be a jerk, they may be a first class whatever, right?"},{"startTime":3188.6620000000003,"endTime":3191.76,"body":"That's your kid's parent. Right? Salvage"},{"startTime":3192.1,"endTime":3195.452,"body":"that respect and relationship because it's worth gold"},{"startTime":3195.516,"endTime":3199.116,"body":"later. And it's going to create you more harm"},{"startTime":3199.308,"endTime":3202.868,"body":"when you sever that relationship. Because"},{"startTime":3202.954,"endTime":3206.6440000000002,"body":"now your kids are going to be suffering in more ways than they ever"},{"startTime":3206.6820000000002,"endTime":3210.404,"body":"needed to be. They're already suffering plenty. And then when you just"},{"startTime":3210.442,"endTime":3214.248,"body":"throw a wedge there so you'll win. Oh, so foolish. Yeah. I"},{"startTime":3214.254,"endTime":3218.0080000000003,"body":"mean, my rule back when all this happened and"},{"startTime":3218.014,"endTime":3221.688,"body":"then even now is I'll speak the truth, but I'm not going to speak anything"},{"startTime":3221.774,"endTime":3225.29,"body":"dishonoring to my children about my ex at all."},{"startTime":3226.62,"endTime":3230.156,"body":"He's still their dad, right? And they have to honor their dad, but we can"},{"startTime":3230.178,"endTime":3233.9320000000002,"body":"speak the truth. So I don't know. Let's just say, like, if my ex"},{"startTime":3233.986,"endTime":3236.9880000000003,"body":"had lied, I could say, yes, he lied about that, but I'm not going to"},{"startTime":3236.994,"endTime":3240.752,"body":"go on and be like, oh, your dad's a liar. You can't trust"},{"startTime":3240.806,"endTime":3244.512,"body":"the thing out of his mouth ever. No, there's a difference. Yeah. So"},{"startTime":3244.5660000000003,"endTime":3248.3360000000002,"body":"I was real careful about that."},{"startTime":3248.518,"endTime":3252.05,"body":"Because your kids are watching what you're saying, too."},{"startTime":3254.2000000000003,"endTime":3257.924,"body":"Still their parent. And so you can speak"},{"startTime":3257.962,"endTime":3261.62,"body":"truth, but you need to speak in an honoring way. Yeah, totally agree."},{"startTime":3261.69,"endTime":3264.4900000000002,"body":"Okay, well, let's wrap up"},{"startTime":3266.3,"endTime":3270.1040000000003,"body":"whatever got you divorced. That's not always one thing,"},{"startTime":3270.1420000000003,"endTime":3273.524,"body":"but sometimes looks like one thing. There's normally"},{"startTime":3273.572,"endTime":3277.384,"body":"some fruit and root issues, right? There's navigating"},{"startTime":3277.4320000000002,"endTime":3281.2760000000003,"body":"that. There's navigating the divorce process. There's navigating the"},{"startTime":3281.2980000000002,"endTime":3285.148,"body":"aftermath. They're all different stages. They're all different stages. They all have"},{"startTime":3285.154,"endTime":3288.896,"body":"their own trauma and their own ripple effects. For the love of"},{"startTime":3288.918,"endTime":3292.53,"body":"goodness, don't do anything stupid. Don't do anything quick."},{"startTime":3293.3,"endTime":3296.784,"body":"Breathe, rest, and be ready"},{"startTime":3296.902,"endTime":3299.89,"body":"to focus on your family and yourself."},{"startTime":3300.58,"endTime":3303.332,"body":"And you may need to mend some relationship, and you're going to lose some friends."},{"startTime":3303.386,"endTime":3306.9,"body":"And we'll talk about that in the next episode, how to navigate that."},{"startTime":3307.05,"endTime":3310.748,"body":"But you don't even know what's"},{"startTime":3310.784,"endTime":3314.4880000000003,"body":"coming. You don't know. And we're here to tell you there's a"},{"startTime":3314.494,"endTime":3317.53,"body":"lot coming your way. And breathe, rest,"},{"startTime":3318.3,"endTime":3322.04,"body":"eat right, sleep. All the things. Just common"},{"startTime":3322.11,"endTime":3325.69,"body":"sense stuff. And quit worrying about."},{"startTime":3326.2200000000003,"endTime":3329.05,"body":"Will you ever find love again? Maybe"},{"startTime":3329.42,"endTime":3332.81,"body":"not. But that's not the goal, right? It's not even the goal. No,"},{"startTime":3334.46,"endTime":3338.2400000000002,"body":"it's quick thinking. Think, oh, I failed at a relationship, so a success"},{"startTime":3338.31,"endTime":3341.7760000000003,"body":"will be a new, good relationship. That's not the way to look at"},{"startTime":3341.7980000000002,"endTime":3345.5840000000003,"body":"it. So that's why I try to screen people. All right. Thank you for this"},{"startTime":3345.6220000000003,"endTime":3347.9,"body":"conversation. It's been wonderful. Thank you. Bye."}]}