109: Dating abroad: The beautiful, the brutal, and the unexpected truths no one tells you

No one tells you that moving abroad means reinventing your romantic life too. In this episode, we dive into what dating abroad really looks like — the fun, the messy, the lonely, and the completely unexpected.

We talk about the emotional reset that happens when you enter a new dating culture, the freedom (and isolation) of being single abroad, and the reality of trying to maintain long-distance love across time zones. You’ll also hear what it’s actually like to fall in love abroad — the intensity, the cultural clashes, the visa stress — and why heartbreak abroad might hit differently.

We wrap with the real growth that happens when you date, break up, or even choose to be alone in a new country — and how the experience reshapes what you want in a partner and in yourself.

If you want an honest look at love and dating overseas, this episode gives you the stories, insights, and practical advice most people never talk about.

Listen in to hear more about love abroad!

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Website: jordangiberson.com
Instagram: @jordan.giberson

Transcript

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Maybe it's something that's so beautiful. Maybe it's something that ends up being brutal, where it ends in heartbreak. But you should give yourself an opportunity to meet people. And you just never know how your path might change for the better in an unexpected way. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. So in today's episode we are talking about dating abroad, relationships abroad, what that looks like and the honest truth behind just love dating and relationships while you are living abroad. Maybe you are currently dating somebody in a relationship or married to somebody in your home country and you really want to move abroad. but they don't. Maybe you are single and you really want to use this opportunity to move abroad. I feel like this is a topic that is not normally discussed whenever we talk about moving abroad and that journey, what that looks like, but it's. A huge part of life, right? Our romantic relationships and who we might find, and whether it's short-term relationship or long-term relationship, or maybe you're already in a relationship. I think it's just kind of navigating some of those things with romantic relationships whenever you move abroad. So I think that it's a worthy topic to discuss. I'm really just running into this with kind of my experience, experiences I've seen with a lot of my friends. So why does dating abroad feel different? Why might it feel different for you? So you don't just move countries, you are kind of moving dating cultures. You're moving to somewhere where there are people with. Different social norms, different cultural expectations, different ways of life in general, new norms, like who pays, what does a relationship mean and how do they define that? Do they date multiple people at once or do they not? Speed of intimacy, maybe communication styles. I mean, it could go on and on and on. And I think that in this new dating experience, you just have to kind of navigate that and take it slowly and just take it as it comes and treat it as a bit of an adventure. I think it's nice sometimes that you can start from scratch. You're starting in a new place. But yeah, we'll go ahead and dive in with the good, juicy stuff and some tips and things that you might want to think about. And then at the end I'll share some funny stories just for fun. Whenever I first moved abroad, I actually treated dating kind of like a way to get to know new people and to try new places because I was still forming friendships. With girls, but I really wanted to get out there and I was excited to date and to see what it would be like. And I remember it was a great way to just start getting to know the city. People showed me new places. I loved jazz. At the time I still love jazz, but I went on a lot of jazz dates and I just met people from all over the world. London is special in that way in Europe, that it is a very international city. So not all European cities are like that, but in London it's very diverse. So I was meeting different people and from different places and I feel like it was a very, good educational experience for me to see what I liked because I think that really opened my eyes to seeing that. Okay, I'm not going to necessarily get along with everyone or it's not gonna be a perfect match for me, let's say from people from different countries. So it really depended on the country. I found that over time English men weren't really a good fit for me because I just feel like it didn't match my personality as well. I think people from like just different regions of the world, I kind of was like, oh, okay. They have these expectations and. Like that doesn't really align with what I'm looking for or these countries. I wouldn't have ever thought about that country, but actually it's a really good fit for me. So for example, south Africans, I dated probably 90% of the men that I dated whenever I was still dating. I'm in a relationship now, but whenever I was still dating it was like 90% South Africans. Funny now I'm dating a half Mexican, half German, which is weird and never was expecting that. But at the time I dated a lot of South Africans and I found that that was a really good fit for me. So I think that over time you just kind of get to know different people groups. And of course there is always like, you can't generalize every single person in different cultures. There's always people that are outliers and you don't wanna generalize every single person. But it is interesting that I actually kind of prefer dating South Africans and Americans that I met abroad because I realized that we had a lot of similarities and for Americans. Specifically the hope was that if I ever wanted to move back to the U.S., then they would potentially also want that as an option. So I think that that worked out really well for me. So I think that it's just good to treat it as an adventure and just to see what happens if you're dating. And I did wanna quickly touch on, you might not be listening to this episode if you are married or in a long-term relationship, but I have known people that have moved abroad as a couple and it's worked out really well for them. Sometimes one of them really wants to be abroad and the other one doesn't. And in those circumstances, I've actually seen them both enjoy their time over time. but I think overall there are pros and cons to moving abroad with a partner versus moving solo. I think whenever you're moving abroad with somebody, I think it's nice that you kind of have somebody to go along the journey with, and I feel like you automatically have that. Support system built in on the days that it feels hard or you have to figure out a new challenge of something that's maybe unfamiliar culturally or just kind of navigating and building a new life abroad. But I also think that there's a lot of value in moving abroad single, because while you have the adventure of meeting people abroad and dating people abroad and kind of having that experience, I think a lot of people don't have the opportunity to have. But I also think that you just grow so much. Whenever you move abroad, you learn so many things and you just have this opportunity to grow so much as a person and to rise the challenge, whenever there's new things that come about like, cultural shifts or just building a life abroad. I think that it's, a cool experience to be able to grow in that and to have that challenge. So I think whether you are in a relationship or you're single, I think that there are pros and cons to both, and I have seen in some circumstances in relationships where one person gets a job opportunity and wants to move abroad and the other person doesn't. But a lot of times that second person that didn't necessarily want to be there, I've seen in my friends and people that I've met and you know, people I've moved abroad that they kind of settle in and find their way and they end up really enjoying it. And maybe someday that couple moves back and maybe they decide that they love it. Like I knew a couple that were the girl really didn't want to be there, but the guy really did. And now they've been here for in London for, I don't know, maybe a year and a half, two years. And now they both love it and don't plan on moving back home. So I think it just really depends and I think that moving abroad is a great experience and they ended up fighting their way and, and experiencing that together as a couple. But I think that's also really cool to be able to have an opportunity in singleness abroad. The next thing I wanted to chat through is long distance love. Does it work? Should you even try? I mean, we've seen probably so many examples of people that we probably know in our lives where long distance did not work, but maybe some instances where it did work so long distance love. Maybe you want to move abroad, but you are in a relationship with somebody that doesn't want that and you're considering doing long distance for a while. Maybe you end up moving abroad and you meet somebody and you have to do long distance and you don't know whether they're gonna move there or not. So depending on your situation, I have dated long distance, and I think that it does definitely work if the two of you have the same end goal in mind. So I think that you have to have the same lifestyle goal, want the same things, want to be in the same place, or at least be open to it. So I had dated somebody long distance from South Africa and I had told him at the beginning that I did not wanna move away from London, that I wanted to stay in London, but I was open to being in South Africa for a few months out of the year. And then he said, I've never been to London. I might be open to it. So we did long distance for a little while, seeing if he would be interested in London. So we dated for a few months long distance, and then he came to visit London for a couple of weeks to see if he might be interested in moving here. And he visited for two weeks. It was really great. And then two weeks later he said, I'm sorry, but no, it's not for me. I really don't want to leave South Africa. I don't see myself living there. And so the relationship ended, so I think my point is you can definitely meet someone abroad and date long distance, but I think it works whenever you have the same end goal. And I think just make sure that you communicate throughout. But I think. As long as it's a short-term solution and you have a long-term goal, then I think that long distance can absolutely work. I've seen it work for many people. It's worked for myself on one occasion, and it didn't for the other because we ended up not having the same end goal. But I think that's what it is. It's like making sure that you have the same, end goal. Now let's shift gears a little bit and talk about falling in love abroad. So this is something I wanted to make sure I touched on because I feel like, looking back, I think I would've done things differently whenever I first moved abroad. When my first year, two years of living abroad, I didn't know how long I was going to want to be here. I didn't know if I was going to want to be here for a year, if I was gonna want two years, if I was gonna. Be here longer. I just, I didn't really know, and I was so afraid of meeting somebody and falling in love with them, and them not wanting to move back to Texas, or that they wouldn't be aligned with what I wanted, because I just truthfully didn't know what I wanted at the time. So I think that was my biggest fear, was falling in love abroad. And that might be you right now, you might be thinking, I want to meet my person, but I want to move abroad, and I'm scared of meeting somebody there. What if they don't have the same goals in life or they don't wanna move to the U.S. or wherever you're from. And you have a difference in what you want to do there. But I feel like, looking back, I wish that I would've been a little bit more open. I wish that I would've given it a chance because I was just so afraid of it. I would kind of push people away and I think everything worked out and, it just wasn't my time to find somebody. But if you are that person that really wants to meet somebody and you also really want to move abroad, you just never know what's gonna happen. You never know how life shifts, and I'm sure you can look back on your own life and think, wow, my life looks so different than I thought it would. And maybe, hopefully in a lot of beautiful ways. I think that some of the most beautiful things in our lives, we could never plan it. And, that could be falling in love abroad. Like maybe it's something that's so beautiful. Maybe it's something that ends up being brutal, where it ends in heartbreak. But I think that you should give yourself an opportunity to meet people and get to know people. And you just never know how your path might change for the better in an unexpected way. But there is the other side of that, which is the risk of getting a heartbreak. I think that there is the chance that you have a visa challenge or that the cultural differences are too great, or you have a misalignment in the future that you want, like maybe they really want to stay in that country and you know that you really want to move back to the U.S. or wherever you're from. And I think that you just don't know what's gonna happen. You don't know if maybe it will work out in a positive way and you'll end up with that person and you fall in love and it's the beautiful, but it might end up being more on the brutal side where you end up having a heartbreak. And sometimes I think whenever you live abroad, it can be a little bit more difficult to go through a heartbreak because you're still kind of building foundations, of building friends and a support network, and you're not by family. So I think sometimes it's a little bit more difficult perhaps to go through a heartbreak. I've known people that have gone through heartbreaks and went back for a longer period of time to be with family because it was really difficult. If you've had a heartbreak before, then you probably understand. So I think that it is a risk that you take in dating someone abroad and all the challenges that come with that. But I think that it's a really beautiful thing to fall in love with somebody. And I fall in love with somebody doing long distance, and then it did lead in heartbreak for me, but I don't regret it and I'm happy that I did it and I'm happy, I gave it a chance. I think that I really liked him and it's really difficult to find somebody that you really align with and that you could see yourself with. And I am glad that I gave it a shot and gave it time and you just never know. He might've come to London and said, I love it here. I want to move here tomorrow. and we could have lived in London for many years and been really happy. So I'd say don't be afraid of falling in love abroad. Just give it time and like over communicate and just kind of like. Chat with each other about how it's going and how you're feeling and making sure that your end goal is aligned. And I think it's just kinda like seeing what happens over time. And maybe you end up having the most beautiful life together where you do end up together and you have a split life of living there and living. Where you are from for a little bit, or yeah, maybe you do that for a few years. You stay there for a few years and then you both end up deciding that you want to move to, maybe it's a different country. Like you just never know where life will take you. And I think it's just like over communicating with your partner. And the last section before I tell you my funny dating stories from the years that I've lived abroad was this sounds a little bit cheesy maybe, but I wanted to chat about dating yourself abroad. I mean, you just. Gain so much insight on yourself. You grow so much. I think you just grow in your identity You grow in who you are and your ideas about life and other cultures and other people. I mean, the new environment will shift you. Like it'll change you and who you are in a way. And I think it's really cool to be able to spend time by yourself, like dating yourself, going out and getting a coffee. Like whenever I was single, I used to go out by myself all the time. I would sometimes plan things with friends. Host people. I still do that now. I'll go out with friends, like a group of friends, but sometimes I would date myself. I would bring my book and I would go to a coffee shop and I would get a coffee or lunch and I would just read my Kindle for a little while. And then I would walk for a little bit, like maybe Walk In Nature. I used to go on a solo hike by myself. Normally, like once a quarter. And it was just a lovely thing that I would do. I would wake up in the morning and have like a nice breakfast and then head on the train and go to my hiking spot and hike several miles and then go to a pub and like probably read my Kindle if I had it. And I just really enjoyed doing that. I would get like a pint and get a Sunday roast and the pub or get a nice meal depending on the day. And like I loved doing that and I feel like I grew a lot on those years and. I'm very grateful to have a partner right now, somebody that I'm with, but you never know how life changes as well. And I think it's really good to know yourself well and to spend time with yourself. And I think that that's also a great opportunity whenever you move abroad to get to know yourself even better. And to grow as a person. I think that you will grow so much whenever you move abroad in such a positive way. Now for some random, funny dating stories, I'm not gonna spend too much time, but I was reading through these and I was like, oh my gosh, that's so funny because all of these things did happen. Like they're all real things that happened. But as I was looking through, I was thinking, wow, it's so crazy and funny to think back on that because I honestly forgot about a lot of these things, but I had them written down. So anyways, here are some funny dating stories from my time of living and traveling abroad. So back in 2020, I was traveling in Italy for 3 months and I did end up dating a few Italians while I was there. And I remember one of the times I was standing on these Spanish steps in Rome and a guy walked up to me and he asked to take my photo, like, he said, do you want me to take your photo? And I said, oh, sure. And he took my photo and he told me that my beauty shown brighter than the sun. What a line, how many times do we think that he's used this line with other girls? I bet he's used that line so many times. And then he basically asked me to go to a hotel with him, to sleep with him. And I then I kind of put a damper on that. Which kind of put a damper on that's compliment. And I said, no, I'm not interested in that. But I thought that was a really funny experience I had there in Rome on the Spanish steps. I was like, well, this was very romantic, but sir, you've just ruined it. Another time was in Rome. Also, during that trip I dated another Italian and I remember we went on a date, like we went on several days, but one of the ones that we went on was, he took me to a cool spot in Rome and we overlooked the city. So I think that is one thing that's really cool is whenever you date people abroad, I think it's a great way to get to know the city, to try new spots, to really get to know locals on a deep level. Who they are, what they're like, and what their culture is like, and just to have fun. So that was something that I did and I remember really enjoying it. And then another time I was in Venice and I ended up, I was sitting listening to music like in the St. Mark Square, I think that's what it's called. And they always have live music. And I was listening to a guy playing piano, just sitting there. And, a guy pulled up a chair and sat next to me and he was from Tunisia. And we ended up like going on a couple of dates and then, I ended up leaving and it wasn't a really good fit, but he was really sweet and I remember that was like a really romantic way to meet somebody where he just kind of like popped his chair down next to me and we were just listening to classical piano music, which was really cool. Another time I was in. Florence and I got chatting with a German guy in a coffee shop and we ended up getting drinks and we had like an evening stroll later that night that was so romantic and beautiful and that was really cool. Another time I was in Dubrovnik and I was walking alone at night, like not super late, but like in the evening time after dinner, and it was. Probably not that late, but it was winter, so it was just, it wasn't that late. Anyways, this British guy was living there at the time and he was a skipper for a boat and I just, he kind of walked up and we ended up chatting and then we ended up sitting on the beach Dubrovnik for hours at night and Croatia just talking about life. And we'd gone to a very deep religious conversation and that was so interesting. And I mean, I've dated people from British guys and so many South Africans. I love South Africans. They're really similar to Texans. I dated a Ukrainian guy. He was really sweet and I've dated Italians and I'm now in a serious relationship with a guy that's half Mexican, half German, and I think it's just really cool to have those experiences and get to know different groups of people and you just never know who will end up being your person. I mean, you could meet a Tunisian guy in Venice like I did, and that ends up being your person. Or maybe you end up dating people for a little while and you live abroad and then you have a great time, but you end up moving back to the U.S. or from your home country. I think you just never know what's going to happen. I never would've thought that I would go to South Africa this past year. Like what, 10 months ago or something? And meet a half German, half Mexican in South Africa. I was convinced that I was gonna meet a South African. I was convinced I was going to marry a South African, but, and maybe I still will someday. We don't know. We'll see what happens. But anyways, I met this half Mexican, half German, and I would've never thought I'd end up with a half German, half Mexican. But we're in a serious relationship now, and we'll see what happens. But you just never know what's gonna happen. You might end up moving to Spain and you end up meeting some guy from Estonia and you ended up meeting him through mutual friends or something or another. Like you just never know. Or like I said, you might end up. Enjoying dating for a little while and, maybe you do long distance for a while and that doesn't work out. And you meet people in Spain because you move to Spain and you get to know men while you're there, but then you end up men or women depending on your, your gender of course. And then you just never know. And you might move back home to the US and think that you're gonna find an American and then you meet somebody that's from South Africa. Like you just never know. But I think that's one thing that's really cool about dating abroad is that you can really get to know a culture and I think just get to know somebody very deeply in a relationship and in dating, and I think it's really fun and it's really exciting and they can show you really cool places. And if anything, it could be a really good friend or a way that you meet your best friend group. Like you just don't really know what that might look like. So to recap, whether you are single in a relationship or somewhere in between, I think that dating abroad can be a great opportunity to get to know other cultures, get to know yourself more, and who knows, you might end up finding your person abroad. And I think that our lives, you just never know what's gonna happen. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what happens so don't be like me and be hesitant about dating whenever you're abroad. I would say give it a shot because you never know what's gonna happen in life. So I hope that you found this episode helpful and encouraging about if you've been considering dating abroad and what that looks like. So that is it for me for today's episode. I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then.