137: Why some Americans love living abroad (and others move back home)

If moving abroad is so amazing, why do some people move overseas, love it, and never come back, while others return home within a year or two?

You probably know both stories. The person who says moving abroad was the best decision they ever made. And the person who says, "It was good, but I'm ready to be home." So what is the real difference between those two people? And which one will be you? 

In this episode, I am getting honest about what actually determines whether you will thrive abroad or eventually decide to move back home. And spoiler, it has very little to do with where you move and everything to do with why you move.

Here is what we are covering:

• The biggest mistake people make before moving abroad and why it sets them up for disappointment
• The three real reasons why some people absolutely love living abroad and never look back
• The three honest reasons why some people end up moving back home after a year or two
• The most important questions to ask yourself before you make the move
• The five traits that the people who thrive abroad almost always have in common

The truth is, moving back home is not failure. Neither is staying forever. The real failure is never giving yourself the chance to find out.

Whether you are still dreaming about moving abroad or you are already living it and wondering if you made the right call, this episode will give you a lot to think about.

🔗 Ready to take your first step? Grab the free guide, the 5 Exact Steps to Move Abroad, at jordangiberson.com/guide

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Website: jordangiberson.com
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Transcript

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Moving abroad changes your environment, but it does not automatically change you. You do grow whenever you move abroad. You are challenged. You do become more confident. And I have never met a person that said, "I regret moving abroad." Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. And welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. Today we're talking about why some Americans love living abroad, and others move back home. If moving abroad is so amazing, why do some people move overseas, love it, and never come back? And why do others return home within a year or two? You probably know both stories. The person who says moving abroad was the best decision they've ever made, which is me. I've said that a many many, many times on the podcast. I love living abroad, and I say that very often. And what's the difference between that person, who says it's the best decision they've ever made, and the person who says, "It just wasn't for me," or, "I loved living there for one year or two years," but then they end up coming home. So what's the difference? Today we're exploring why moving abroad can be life-changing for some people in a really positive way, and maybe disappointing for others. But I do want to preface this episode in saying that I have yet to meet a person that hates moving abroad. I have never ever, ever met somebody, and I've met many people. I've talked to many, many people who have moved abroad And none of them have said, "I regret moving abroad." I've never heard somebody say that. Sometimes people move abroad and they stay for maybe a year, maybe two years, and they decide to go back home. So why is it that some people love living abroad and they absolutely thrive abroad, and other people say, "It was great, but I'm gonna move back home"? Which I honestly think that both are good. I think the fact that somebody moves abroad, and even if they move back in a year or two, that's absolutely not a failure. And I think some people, whenever they think about moving abroad, they are afraid of that failure. They're afraid of just such a big change, and you can't really visualize what exactly it's going to feel like and look like whenever you do start living abroad, that you become a bit fearful because you just don't know what it looks like. But like I've said, I've met many people who have lived abroad, and I've never actually experienced that, where somebody really hates it that much. Maybe it's a little bit challenging in the first few months. It's not maybe gonna be perfect. But I think what today we're really discussing is why some people really thrive and why some people say, "You know what? That was an interesting experience. I'm glad I did it. But, I wanna move back home." So what's the difference between those two people, so that's what we're exploring in today's episode. So I think one of the reasons why some Americans might thrive abroad and some might say, "You know what? It was great, but I'm ready to move back home after a year," I think that those people that want to move back home treat moving abroad as a solution for problems in their life. They might think, "I'll be happier. I'll finally feel fulfilled. I'll stop feeling stuck, and my life will become exciting." And I think the problem here is that moving abroad changes your environment, but it does not automatically change you. You do grow whenever you move abroad. You are challenged. You do become more confident. We've talked about some of these things on the podcast before. I think that it does change you. You become a bit more open to different cultures and people and ways of life. But it doesn't automatically change you at your core or automatically fix problems that are in your life. I think sometimes, depending on what this, "problem" is, I think sometimes stepping away and starting a fresh life somewhere else actually might be really healthy and really good for you. But I think that some challenges that might follow you overseas might be anxiety. It might be really intense loneliness. It might be relationship issues, or maybe it's career uncertainty or a lack of direction. I think a move abroad can create new opportunities, just a move in general, like moving to another city even, not even talking about different countries. I think that a move can help you to start a new life, or it feels a bit fresh, and to create new opportunities, but it's not necessarily a magic reset button. So I think the people who expect a move to solve every problem might be a little bit disappointed because it's not going to solve your every single problem. But I think that it can be a good opportunity for a fresh start. It really depends what it is, like what that problem is, and that sometimes running away or starting a new life, it's not going to automatically fix those problems or those feelings that you were feeling. This is not the same exact thing because I was just traveling, but my thought process in when this was similar for me was whenever I was going through heartbreak in my early 20s, and I did a month-long travel So I know that this is not moving abroad, but when I was in my young 20s, I was experiencing my worst heartbreak. I was like the bottom of the pit, so, so upset, just really bad. I was not clinically depressed, but I was like just really going through it, just bad. I was really sad. Anyways, just saying the picture there like I was not happy. I was really very low. And I went on a month-long trip with a friend of mine and my sister across European countries. It was like a month of traveling around, and it was so fun. We went to so many places. We did so many fun things. But you know what? I was, thinking I was going to escape my sadness in the US, but instead, I was just sad in Italy. I do think that it provided a really great distraction, and I think it was good for me to be in a different environment actually, and I was very distracted where time could pass, where I could start healing. So maybe you are in a similar situation or where you can draw the line to where you're at and say, "Yeah, I'm in a rough patch in my life and maybe a bit of a distraction might be good." I don't think that moving abroad is like the Band-Aid for that, and it's just gonna automatically heal you. I was at just a low point going through an absolute heartbreak, and that made me just sad in Italy instead of sad in the US. So I'm saying that it didn't fix all my problems, but it did provide a bit of a distraction for me where it was really fun, and we were doing amazing things, but I still was feeling sad. So my point here is that some people treat moving abroad as the solution, but it's not necessarily going to be the solution i've said this before on the podcast, but I think the main difference here is that you want to be running towards something, not running away from something. So whenever you are thinking about moving abroad and thinking about the problems that you might be experiencing in your life, think, "Is moving abroad for me moving towards something? Is it moving towards a new life, new opportunity, running towards career progression or a- an adventure? Or is it really just I'm running away from something that I really need to deal with first before I move abroad?" I think that's a question that I would be asking yourself.... so what is the difference here between those people that absolutely thrive and those that just want to move back after a year? So why do some people absolutely love living abroad? Like me, I absolutely love it, and I'm not just saying that because I have a podcast on moving abroad. I genuinely, really, truly love it here. So reason number one is that these people that absolutely love living abroad, their values match their new country. These people, they might value work-life balance or walkability or public transportation or travel opportunities or living in a city that feels like there is an amazing culture or a beautiful architecture, the list goes on and on and on. So maybe these people feel much happier in parts of Europe because their lifestyle aligns with what they already wanted in their new country, in their new city abroad The second reason why people might absolutely thrive abroad is that these were the people that were running towards something, like we were just saying. They weren't trying to escape something, like to escape a problem, but they were pursuing adventure. They're pursuing a specific lifestyle, or maybe it's a partner, or maybe it's a career opportunity, or language immersion, or personal growth. They had a clear vision, and that's why I say one of the important parts of moving abroad and one of the steps to actually move abroad, I think it's important to consider your why you're wanting to move abroad. For me, it was for a sense of adventure, and I wanted to challenge myself in a really new way. And I did a trip to Europe, I absolutely loved it, and I said, "I wanna be in and amongst it. I want to be a part of it and not just visit as a tourist. I wanna be in and amongst it." So I would just consider whether you're running away from something or you're running towards something. So these people that thrive abroad, they're running towards something. And I think maybe the third reason is that they embrace discomfort. I think this is a really big one that we don't discuss enough, and this is why people thrive abroad versus those people that want to move back home, is that the people that thrive, they embrace the discomfort. They embrace the change. Every international move involves bureaucracy, maybe some culture shock, maybe some frustration, lots of uncertainty. But those people that thrive, they expect these challenges, and they just say, "Oh, that's really interesting," whenever they experience culture shock because those are the people that are embracing the discomfort. They see those experiences as part of the overall experience, This is just more of a positive experience whenever they move abroad. Even if it's negative, they treat it as "Oh, that's really interesting," or they just start getting in the flow of what's normal in their new life abroad instead of constantly saying like, "Oh, we wouldn't have done that in the US," or, "Ugh," like, "This is so frustrating," or, "Everything is so different." Those people are the ones that might not integrate fully into their new life abroad, And I think they don't necessarily become 100% a part of that life abroad, but they're more of like the observers, and they just observe that life for maybe a year, and then they decide to go back home. And please hear me when I say that is also okay. I think that the mistake here is really the people that really want to move abroad, they think about it for a really long time, but they don't actually ever go for it. I think that's where the mistake really lies. The mistake and the failure is not if you move abroad in a year or two, it's not moving at all, if that's what you really, really want for yourself. So if you are the person that you move abroad and you only are there for a year or two, man, congratulations, because that is an amazing thing that so many people talk about and so many people desire, but few might actually act on it. So I think that is really the win here, is to move abroad, to experience that life abroad that maybe you've been thinking about for a really long time, that you've always wanted. And whether you live there for one year, two years, or you live there for 10 years or even more, you never go back home. Who knows what life brings to you? You just never know. And I just love the quote that a girl told me one time where I asked her how long she's going to be living in London, and she said, "I'm living here until further notice." And I just love that she gave herself permission to say, "I don't know how long I'm going to stay, but I'm okay with that." And I think that's the mindset that so many of us should be taking when we move abroad, to say, "I'm moving abroad until further notice." And we give ourselves permission to experience life abroad and decide what's best for us, because life is constantly changing and evolving, and our desires change, and you just never know what life is going to bring you. So I think that the real mistake here is deciding, or is really not deciding. It's not moving forward. It's not actually taking those steps to explore moving abroad and to really give it a shot. It's not the, person that just moves abroad like we're talking about. It's not, the people that thrive abroad and those that move back home. It's less about that. So I think the third reason of why people absolutely love living abroad is that they are really embracing that discomfort And why Do some people move back home? What are those top reasons? One of the biggest reasons is that they just miss their support system more than they expected. I think a lot of people might underestimate missing out on family dinners. Maybe they miss their old friends that they've known since kindergarten. Maybe they miss sharing cultural references, or just really understanding how other people grew up because, there are really big cultural differences between people that you will experience whenever you move abroad, and, what you're maybe used to. And maybe you just underestimate the difference in familiarity that you really miss that. So I think maybe those things become a bit more valuable once they're gone, and you start to realize some of those things, and some of the really beautiful parts in your life. And for me, those beautiful parts of my life, like family dinners, and friends, and shared cultural experiences, and the familiarity, I enjoy those so much more, so deeply whenever I go back home, because it's not something that I take for granted because I love that I have the best of both worlds. But I experience these things in a positive way, where I miss these things, but when I go back home to enjoy the family dinners, or enjoy my friends, or how we used to go out on the boat on the lake and, those cultural experiences, or going country dancing, or the fact that country music is always on the radio in Texas. I just love those things, and I enjoy them so much more whenever I go back home. So for me, that is the the best. I love that. I love that whenever I go back home I can experience those things to the fullest and not take advantage of them. So for me, it's a positive experience. But maybe some people that move back home, they say, it's just not worth it to me, living life abroad, but missing out on familiarity, and family dinners, and my old friends, and having a cultural similarity with everyone around me." So I think sometimes these things become more valuable once they're gone, and maybe that's that person that ends up moving back. But again, I don't think that's a negative thing. I think it's just realizing how good things are in life, and to want to go back to those things is not a bad thing The second reason why I think some people end up moving back home after a year or two is that they never feel fully settled. I think some people struggle with the language barrier, or making friends, or building community, and feeling like an outsider. I think not everyone develops a strong sense of belonging. But if I can give you the biggest piece of advice to feel fully settled whenever you move abroad, there are two things. One is developing community. It is so important to get out of your apartment, get out of your house to pursue friendships. You have to be the one that reaches out. Like, whenever you're building friendships, people have their own lives, they have their routines. They're not the one that's going into a new environment, you are. So whenever you move abroad, it's super, super important to build community, to start pursuing friendships, and you just You have to be the one that has the idea to do dinner. You have to be the one that invites people over. You have to be the one that initiates. So I think that's one of the biggest ones of the people that never feel fully settled is not building really strong community. And the second piece I think makes people not feel fully settled whenever they move abroad is that they are not completely open to a different way of life. They're just so used to their old way of life, their old, culture that they're used to, the old food that they are used to, the restaurants and everything, that they're not completely open to the differences of where they're moving to. So I think it's not fully embracing the differences whenever you move abroad because, it is going to be a little bit different. The way of life is going to be different. So I think it's those people that don't fully embrace that are the ones that also don't feel fully settled And the third biggest reason of why some people move back home after just a year or two is that their expectations were a bit unrealistic. They might have imagined constant travel, constant excitement, constant happiness. I think these are the people that want to constantly feel like a tourist and not feel like they are fully settled and ingrained into daily normal life in another country. So I think that reality includes things like grocery shopping, the normal work stress that you're going to continue feeling. You still have to deal with taxes. You still have to do your laundry. You might have to deal with visas and visa renewals. In fact, you probably will have to be dealing with that. So life abroad is still life. You're still going to experience normal everyday life, and it's not going to constantly feel like an adventure, like it's constantly, rainbows and sunshine. I feel like moving abroad and living abroad is rainbows and sunshine for me, but it's not constant travel. It's not constant excitement, not constant happiness. You still have normal daily life and normal daily things that you have to experience, and you're not just going to be a tourist for days on end. The important point here is that moving back home, it does not mean that you failed. It means that you learned what life abroad feels like. You experienced that for yourself. You experienced your dream, and maybe you finally realized the kind of life that suits you best, and that might be a life abroad, but it might be moving back home, and that's fine as well So what are some important questions to be asking yourself before you move abroad? I think that instead of just asking where should I move, which that is a very important question and you definitely need to answer that question, I think that you should also be asking a deeper question, which is, what kind of life am I trying to create? To help create a path for you to create a successful life abroad. So some of these questions might include what am I hoping to be different? What do I enjoy about my current life that I would really want to continue abroad? What would I really miss most about my old life? Is that, is there something that I can do abroad that would fulfill that, or is that something that's not as important to me? How comfortable am I with uncertainty? Am I moving towards something, or am I moving away from something? I think that's really important. And what does my ideal week look like? What is the life that I'm really envisioning for myself, and the goals that I want to hit whenever I move abroad? Is it to experience adventure? And how can I build a life around that? And I think just thinking about what is the goal? What is the goal here for you, and why do you want to live abroad? And I think some of these questions might be helpful to ask yourself before you actually move So what are these Americans thinking? What are they feeling whenever they are loving life abroad? So these Americans that are thriving abroad, what makes it most likely to experience that? So in my experience, the people that do best abroad, often they are curious. They enjoy learning new ways of doing things, and they embrace that. They're flexible. They don't need everything to work exactly like it does back home because it probably won't be exactly the same. In fact, it's not going to be, and that's why we like moving abroad, right? It's different and it's exciting. So these are the people that are flexible. They're also proactive. They build friendships and community intentionally, and that's super, super important to feel settled. They're patient as well. They understand that belonging takes time, and you're not going to feel completely settled in your first month, two months, three months. It might take a little while before you feel completely settled, and that's okay. So those people, they're patient. And they also accept trade-offs. They recognize that every country gives you something, and every country takes something away. No place is perfect. Your life is never going to feel completely perfect, so there's always going to be trade-offs of living life abroad or of staying back home as well and not actually pursuing that dream of moving abroad. Everything in life takes sacrifice So I think one of the main messages I want to communicate here is that the goal is not to force yourself to stay abroad forever. That's not the main goal. That was not my goal whenever I moved abroad. It was to experience adventure, and I said, "I'll move abroad for a year or two", and I've ended up staying for many, many more. But I think the goal here is to build a life that genuinely makes you feel happy, that makes you feel fulfilled. So I think maybe a better question to ask ourselves is not necessarily will moving abroad make me happy, but to ask ourself, does the life that I'm imagining abroad align with who I am and what I value most, and what I'm trying to achieve? I think that might help determine whether moving abroad for you is going to be a life that you really thrive in. But I also think the goal is not necessarily if I only move abroad for one year, then it's a failure. I don't think that's the case at all, and Like I've said before, and I want to really make sure you understand this it's not a failure to only move abroad for one year, and I have never met a person that said, "I regret moving abroad." I've never met a person that said that. I think that it is absolutely an adventure, and some people may thrive abroad and never leave, but I don't think that there's a right answer or that one is better than the other. If you just move abroad for one year, and you say, "That was great, but not completely for me, and I now realize, the life that I want back home. But I got to experience that, and that was really fun and really great, and I have so many great memories," then I think that's great, and that's not a failure at all. But the person that thrives abroad and decides to never move home, and maybe gets their citizenship there and stays there forever, or maybe lives there for 20 years and then moves back, you just never know what life is gonna bring you. So I don't think that either of those is the failure of the person that moves back home after a year or the person that lives life abroad for many, many years. I don't think either of those are the failure. I think the thing that you have to be careful about is to constantly keep yourself in a loop and a circle of doing research and never actually pursuing the life abroad that you really, really desire So I hope that you feel a bit encouraged after today's episode. If you've been listening to the podcast for a little while and you've been really enjoying it, I would really appreciate it if you left me a review on the podcast. It helps me be able to reach more people so that more people can be inspired to also move abroad. So if you could leave a review on the podcast platform that you're listening on, then I would absolutely love it, and I do read all of them. So thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate all of the listeners that listen to the podcast. It makes doing what I do feel fulfilling, and I get so, so excited whenever other people want to move abroad because it has legitimately been the best decision I've made in my life thus far. With that, we'll close out today's episode. So thank you again for listening to another episode of the Move Abroad Podcast. I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then.