138: What happens to your friendships when you move abroad?

One of the biggest fears people have about moving abroad is not the visas or the job search. It is leaving behind the people they love.

What if I lose touch with my friends? What if I miss my family too much? Will my relationships even survive the distance?

In this episode, I am getting honest about what actually happens to your friendships and family relationships after you move abroad. And some of it might genuinely surprise you.

Here is what we are covering:

• The relationships that actually get stronger after you move abroad
• The relationships that might naturally fade and why that is okay
• Practical ways to stay connected no matter the distance
• What nobody tells you about relationships abroad that completely changes how you see it

The better question to ask yourself is not will my relationships survive. It is whether you are willing to accept that change in exchange for the life you want to create.

If fear of leaving people behind has been holding you back from taking the leap, this episode will encourage you, challenge you and give you a completely new way of looking at it.

👉Take the free quiz: Which European city should you move to? 🤔

Grab my free guide: 5 exact steps to move abroad

Website: jordangiberson.com
Instagram: @jordan.giberson

Transcript

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Distance doesn't automatically weaken relationships. I think it might reveal how strong those relationships already were, Because you're no longer seeing people you have to have intentional interactions. Moving abroad isn't just gaining something, it's also giving something up. Hey, my name is Jordan Giberson. I'm a Texas girl living and thriving in London. The best thing I've ever done? Moving abroad, hands down. And I'm passionate about helping others do the same. Are you curious about finding a job abroad? You're in the right place, friend. I'll teach you the tried and true secrets of how to make moving abroad a reality for you and how to live a fulfilling life once you get there. We'll cover topics like choosing the best visa for you, how to get a job offer in another country, how to get over your fear of moving abroad, and how to live a life you love once you get there, this is The Move Abroad Podcast. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Move Abroad Podcast. Today, we're talking about what happens to your friendships whenever you move abroad. One of the biggest fears that people have about moving abroad, it isn't the visas, it isn't jobs or housing, it's leaving behind the people that they love. Questions that I hear is, "What if I lose touch with my friends? What if I miss my family too much? What if people move on without me? Will my relationships survive the distance?" And even if these aren't verbally communicated, I think that a lot of times these are the fears that we have whenever we think about moving abroad and the life that we're leaving behind. So today, we're talking about what actually happens to friendships and family relationships after you move abroad So first of all, this fear is completely normal. When people imagine moving abroad, they often focus on new cities, new opportunities, the travel, the adventure, but they might not picture missing birthdays, missing weddings, missing family dinners, missing everyday moments with the people that you love. Moving abroad isn't just gaining something, it's also giving something up. If I'm being completely honest, every single thing in life, if you really think about it, everything takes sacrifice. So whenever you move abroad, you are gaining an amazing new life, amazing new experiences, new culture, travel, like the European lifestyle, the beautiful architecture and history, and like different ways of doing life, and so many amazing things. The adventure, the growth that you have, it's absolutely incredible. But whenever you gain something, you also have to give something up. So you will miss out on some family things. You're going to miss out on maybe having an Easter dinner or Thanksgiving. If I'm being perfectly honest with you, and maybe this will make you feel very sad for me, but I have never gone back for Thanksgiving with my family ever. I know a lot of people that do go back for Thanksgiving, but for me, I'm like, "Well, Thanksgiving is just a few weeks before Christmas, and I'd much rather go home for Christmas." So I don't normally stay for Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving has never been a big deal in my family. So maybe you think like, "Oh, that's really sad." Maybe Thanksgiving is a bigger deal in your family, and maybe you would prioritize Thanksgiving over Christmas. Or maybe Easter is a really big holiday in your home, or maybe you say, "Christmas is the most important, and I wanna go back in the summertime," like I do. I go back twice a year normally, once in the summertime in like July, which is literally the worst time of the year to be there because it's so hot in Texas in the summer. And I go back home for Christmas as well, and I get to spend time with my family then and that works out really well for me. Maybe you go back three times a year or four times a year so that you can be there for weddings and baby showers and other really important life experiences with the people that you love. I have also known people that have lived abroad and that have done that. Last year, I went home four times in the period of five months because I really wanted to go to my friend's bachelorette party in Texas. I really wanted to go to her wedding. My brother got married, and there was Christmas. And I did not wanna miss out on any of those experiences, so I decided to go back every single time because I didn't want to miss out. But I can't be there for every dinner, for every baby shower, for every single life thing that comes up with the people that I love, and I think That is a fear with moving abroad that is completely normal. It's just realizing that, the reality is that doesn't mean that you shouldn't move. It just means that you might approach the decision with honesty with yourself. And I think that with every decision that we make in life, it's reminding ourselves that there is a sacrifice. So the sacrifice of saying, "I don't wanna miss out on a baby shower, or missing out whenever my friends are hanging out for the weekend, or, a dinner with my family on a Sunday afternoon," is that worth not moving abroad? And maybe you say, "Okay, well, that's worth it to me for a year of missing out on those experiences, or two years." And maybe you decide that you just wanna move abroad for one or two years, and you do miss out on a few things, but then you move back to still experience life fully, and you didn't sacrifice a whole lot by being there for a couple of years, and maybe that's the path that you decide. But I wouldn't use worrying about your friendships whenever you move abroad as an experience for not actually doing the thing and actually moving abroad, because you just need to be thoughtful about what you're sacrificing in your life, because you're always sacrificing something. Whether it's moving abroad or anything else in your life, you're always sacrificing something There's also a positive side to moving abroad and keeping those relationships with your friends and with your family whenever you move abroad, and it might surprise you. A lot of relationships might actually improve after you move abroad. Why? Because you're no longer seeing people by default. You have to have intentional interactions. And so I go into my time whenever I go back home with so much intentionality and with I think just a bit of a different lens because I really care about the friendships that I've kept and my family relationships, and I'm really intentional in my conversations and with my time. Instead of, if I would've moved to another city in Texas and I went back maybe for a weekend every couple months, I don't think that I would've been as intentional with my relationships with my family, but I'm very intentional now that I live abroad. So some ways that you could be intentional is whenever you're living abroad, maybe to schedule calls with your friends and family. Maybe it's to have longer conversations. Maybe you have more meaningful catch-ups or just have a greater appreciation for time together. You often might discover who truly wants to stay connected with you as well. So I think that distance doesn't automatically weaken strong relationships. I think sometimes it might reveal how strong those relationships already were, and you might actually have a stronger relationship with your friends and family after you move abroad than you would have really thought. So for me, I feel like my family really discouraged me from moving abroad because they were fearful of this. They were really fearful of not having as strong of a relationship because I've always had a very strong relationship with my family and with my friends as well, and I think that was definitely a fear of theirs and why they discouraged me at first. But then after I lived abroad for a year or two and they saw that they actually still have a very strong relationship with me, I just had an hour and a half long call with my parents yesterday, which was so nice, and I also had an hour-long conversation with my sister probably a week ago, and I feel like we have really great discussions, and we have a very strong relationship still. And I visit them, a couple times a year, and I feel like we're able to maintain those really strong relationships, and they have not faded at all. Because I think whenever a relationship is really strong from the get-go, you know those people that you haven't seen in a long time, and then you see them again, and it feels like nothing has changed, I think those are the relationships that stick, but some might end up fading, which brings us to our next topic, which is the relationships that might often fade. So I think this is maybe a bit of a difficult reality, but not every friendship is going to survive your move. A lot of friendships are built on convenience, if we're being honest. Maybe you're working together, maybe you live nearby, maybe you see each other regularly, but once that shared environment disappears, some friendships might naturally fade, and I think that this will happen regardless of moving abroad or not. I think moving abroad is, the example we're talking about now, but I think just everyday life is just constantly shifting and changing. So I think that the important message here is that these changes in relationships where the friendship maybe fades is not necessarily anyone's fault. I think people's lives just change in general. They grow in different directions. So I think you might wanna reframe this in thinking that sometimes moving abroad doesn't end friendships. It's simply revealing which friendships are built for the long term. When I was first moving abroad, I knew that I could not keep every single friendship that I had at the time, but I really loved my friendship group from college. There were four girls that I was friends with in college that I've really, really loved, and I knew that whenever I moved abroad that I wanted to be intentional at maintaining those friendships with those girls. And so whenever I go back home in the summer, I intentionally plan a weekend trip with them. In the past few years, we've been doing like a lake weekend trip where we all hang out together, and I just knew that I really wanted to maintain those friendships. And while I don't talk to them that often in normal everyday life, we don't have normal catch-up calls, or we don't really text each other very often because life has also shifted. They all live in different cities, so you know, life just moves on, whether you move abroad or not. Life just changes, and people's lives change. But I knew that I wanted to be really intentional with those relationships, so I've kept those relationships. And there were a few people in Austin, where I'm from, that I've also maintained a really strong relationship with, and when I go back home, I meet up with them. There's one girl that comes to visit Europe every single year, and we do a trip together, and there are a couple other girls in that friendship group that also come different years. So I love that I've been able to be intentional about those relationships that I have with people in the US, and I still see them often, and whenever I do see them, it's very intentional time. And it's the same thing with my family. My relationships have stayed very strong with my family. Like I said, my family was really worried about that, and I've kept a really strong relationship with my family even after moving abroad. We've talked about this a little bit already, but I think that the family relationships abroad is often the hardest part for a lot of people. It is difficult to miss milestones, to miss aging parents, to miss out on new nieces and nephews, or on holidays together, or feeling guilty about living far away. Feeling guilty about living far away is something that I experienced very strongly in my first few years of living abroad, where I felt really guilty about being so far away because it was my decision to live far away, and I had some kind of random people that made me feel really guilty about it who lived in the US, where they were like, "What, is it not good enough here for you? Why would you wanna be so far away from your family? I could never do that." I had people that made comments to me like that, and I think you just have to remind yourself that it is your life. Do not let people discourage you, those people that are haters, that are, like, making comments that make you feel like, oh no, I do really love my family. It's not that I don't love them, and that's not why I'm leaving. So I do think that sometimes those family relationships whenever you move abroad are the hardest, and I want to say to you don't feel guilty for living abroad, and you might just do it for a year or two, and there's no reason to feel guilty for that. Honestly, a year or two in your life is such a small blip of time. Like, all time is very valuable, and I'm not saying it's not, but I think, just doing a year or two and just seeing how you feel, seeing how those relationships feel and how you evolve, I think, give yourself that opportunity to make those decisions later of moving back home or of just staying a year or two, and it's not a failure if you decide to do that. And that way, you give yourself the permission to live abroad, but to, go back if you feel like those family relationships or friendships were too strained and you want to be back there. I think that's perfectly okay But I think the important point here is that there's no perfect solution, and every choice in life involves trade-offs, and living near family definitely has its benefits, but living abroad also has its benefits too. So I think that regardless, you're making a decision, and you're sacrificing something one way or another. It's, So I think it's just people balance their competing values to make that decision for themselves So what are some practical ways to stay connected? I think one of the big ways is to create regular rituals for yourself. It's just not really my style for me, but I've known for other people, they have a regular Sunday call at a very specific time, and that works really well for them. Or maybe you have monthly family Zooms, or maybe you have a weekly voice note that you send to each other. And I think it's also just visiting intentionally. Trips home become more meaningful whenever you plan it with intentionality. Like I said, I normally plan my trip back home in the summertime around a friends trip that I do over a weekend, but I still spend a lot of time with my family for a couple weeks, and I just do this weekend trip with my friends to maintain those strong relationships. And then I go back home for Christmas because that's a really important holiday for my family. And so I'm there for those really special family moments where I can be really intentional in that time together. I think it's also great to invite people to visit you. I've had one of my cousins, she's visited me twice. I had another cousin that just visited me this year. Her and her husband came to visit, and it was super, super fun. My mom and my sister are coming this year in the autumn. I've had my whole family come visit me another year, and I think that's really cool. I, like I said, I also have had many friends come visit. I've had my friends from Texas come visit in previous years, and it's not all the time. It's not like everyone's here all the time. But I do invite people to come visit me, and it's super, super fun whenever they come to experience the life that I'm living here, and I love that I get to share that part of me with them too. So I think that's one of the joys of moving abroad is sharing your new life with people that you care about. I think it's also just sharing your everyday life. I think you don't only communicate during major events, but you send photos regularly and voice notes and random updates. Me and my family, we do that very regularly, where we send photos of what we did over the weekend, especially if it was something really fun and interesting. And we share photos of old memories too, whenever we were growing up. Or, we were talking about our dog the other day, and we were, like, sending random photos that we had of us and this dog who's now really old, but we were, like, sharing all these old puppy photos. So I think it's just sharing your everyday life as well to stay connected with people, and I think that these interactions help to maintain that feeling of closeness. I also think that this is the part that nobody talks about relationships abroad, and that is that relationships and people and life, it's gonna change regardless. It just changes. Even if you stayed in your hometown, people are going to marry, people are going to move away, people are going to have children where they're really just focused on family life and they're really in it. There are friendships that are going to evolve where maybe you had a coworker that you were really close with and then they ended up moving to a different company and your friendship fades, or they move to a different city. I think that moving abroad, it does not stop life from changing. Life is going to change anyways. I had a friend's dad that once told me, and I've never forgotten, it's really stuck with me. He said that the only thing in life that does not change is that there will be change. That's the only constant in life is that there will be change. So I think the goal is not preserving every relationship exactly as it is today because relationships and Relationships evolve and time changes things, I think the goal is maintaining the relationships that matter most whenever you're building a fulfilled life abroad. So I think that was definitely me, where I'm very intentional about my relationships back home. I knew I could not keep every single relationship, but the ones that really mattered to me the most, they're still strong even now, even after living abroad for many, many years. And I love the life that I've built abroad, And I've had to be intentional about my community and my life abroad as well. So I don't have time to maintain every relationship online and to constantly have phone calls with people back home, because I need to be intentional about building relationships where I am, to be rooted in where I am. And so I do that, but I think that I also have very strong relationships with my friends and my family back home, where even after years of living abroad, they still have not really suffered. So in concluding, moving abroad, it is going to change your relationships. That's unavoidable. But change does not mean loss. Some friendships will even deepen. Some that are just more surface level, if you're being honest with yourself, they might fade. But your family relationships, they can stay really strong. They don't have to completely change, and you can build meaningful new relationships abroad as well so that you feel rooted in your new life, and you can feel completely a part of it and to feel like you're thriving abroad as well. So will your relationships change if you move abroad? I don't think that's the main question, because they might change a little bit, but the better question to be asking yourself is, "Am I willing to accept that there will be change in exchange for the life that I want to create?" And I think it's just being intentional about those relationships back home, because they do not have to fail or to fade completely if those are the relationships that matter most to you. So if the fear of leaving people behind is one of the things that's been holding you back from moving abroad, you're definitely not alone. That was one of my biggest hesitations, and I think was the biggest emotional barrier, or one of the biggest emotional barriers to decide that I 100% was going to give moving abroad my all. So I think that it's one of the most common concerns that I hear from Americans that are considering a move overseas, and it's one of the important conversations that I think that you need to have or to think about before you make the leap. But I want you to know that I've been living abroad for many years. I have a lot of friends, people that I know, people that I've worked with that have been living abroad for many years, and it does not mean that their friendships with their friends or their relationships with their family has faded over time. So I wanna tell you firsthand that does not have to happen. I think it's a definitely a valid consideration. But I think it's also okay to give yourself the freedom and the permission to say, "I'm going to move abroad for one year," or, "I'm going to live abroad for one to two years and then decide from there. And if I feel like I'm missing out on so many things back home with my friends and family, then I can move back, and that's not a failure, and I've accomplished what I set out to do, and I got to live abroad, and I got to experience that, and it was great, but I want to move back home now." And I think that's completely fine. Or maybe you're like me, where I was planning on being here a year or two, and I've completely fallen in love with it, and I love that I have the best of both worlds, where I get to enjoy life in Texas when I go back home, and I get to enjoy London and European life. And I still maintain really strong relationships with my friends and family back home, but I have new relationships abroad too that I also really value, and I just love having the best of both worlds for me. And maybe that ends up being you as well. So maybe this has been you. Maybe this is really hitting home where your friends and family and those relationships have been holding you back from taking the next step to move abroad. If that's you, then you're definitely not alone. But I hope that after this episode, you feel encouraged and feel like, yes, like I can move. I can have that permission to still maintain those strong relationships, but I wanna take the next step. If that's you, then I would encourage you to get the guide. There's a guide with the five exact steps to move abroad. You can grab it on the website at Jordangiberson.com/guide, or you can just get the link that's on the description of the podcast episode. If you go there, then you should be able to click on the link there so that you can start taking the next steps to build a life abroad and to take those next steps to actually get there and to move abroad. So I hope that you found this episode helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Move Abroad podcast. I will catch you here again next week, same time, same place. I'll catch you then.