Episode 21. The Authentic Leadership Challenge for Women in the Nonprofit World

This episode explores the challenges women leaders in the nonprofit face having to balance societal expectations of their behavior with the premium placed on authentic leadership.
When our authentic selves as women leaders are constantly judged as being either too nice or too assertive for effective leadership we are caught in a no win situation.
Changing this dynamic can only occur when women are supported in all their complexity and understandings of authenticity is expanded.

Find more practicable tips on my website Relish Your Role. com.  I have so much respect for the work you do!  
Thanks for listening.

Transcript

Episode 21. The Authentic Leadership Challenge for Women in the Nonprofit World 

Those of you who are running a nonprofit agency know how hard it is to balance the gender biases of how you should act with the pressure of making the tough decisions to keep your agency moving forward.

It is lonely and tough work for women to run a nonprofit. 

There is the work itself and then the never-ending balancing act to be effective while remaining likable to all of your various constituencies, your staff, your Board, partners, funders etc.

You all have experienced that moment when you have to take a course of action, you know what your knowledge and instincts tell you to do, but then you have to put it through the lens of how that action will be received.

Will you be seen as too aggressive? Not nice? Too cut-throat?

How can you be an authentic leader, true to your instincts, when you feel you have to wrap everything in a bow of smiles and warmth?

Can you be a decisive leader while still being seen as ‘nice’ and ‘likable?

Today’s podcast will explore the ‘likability dilemma’ as it applies to nonprofit women executive directors.

You can find the full episode at relishyourrole.com/21

America Ferra in Barbie was right

It is a myth that those in the nonprofit sector are more self-aware and better equipped than others to challenge the power imbalances that exist in society. 

The racial, gender and class power structures that apply in the wider world are also on display in the nonprofit world.

Did you know that women currently make up less than half of the leadership of nonprofit sector? 

Taken as a whole, the proportion of men in management roles in the nonprofit sector increases as the budget size of the organization increases.

So, in some ways we, as women executive directors,  start out behind the eight ball.  

There are few women in leadership position at the larger nonprofits and often the smaller ones are dismissed as merely doing, good-doer, women’s work.

But you know how hard you worked to get in the position of leadership at your agency.

You are also acutely aware of the importance of the work you do.

So, you are leading this agency in  which the value of the work it does may be minimized by the larger society.

Your leadership has this invisible asterisk around it as after all it is only a nonprofit.

And as the final set of handcuffs, you are expected to lead in a way which conforms to gender stereotypes and by that, I mean as a women you lead in a nonassertive way, uber aware of everyone’s reaction to you, not making waves or offending everyone and being sure you are a strong leader but always likable – always nice.

It is the same dilemma America Ferrera spoke about so eloquently in the Barbie movie- she said-

“We always have to be extraordinary but somehow, we are doing it wrong.  Always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.”

The Specific Challenge for Women Nonprofit Leaders

Leadership challenges are particularly pronounced for women, because across cultures we socialize women and girls to think of ourselves in relation to others.

When women believe they need to have their actions governed by what other people want or need, when women don't feel they can be their full, authentic selves it becomes a problem as a leader.

Just like in Barbie, a woman, it seems, is never just right. 

As a woman, you will either get feedback that you are too warm: "Everyone likes you — just people don't think you have what it takes." And very often no one can tell you exactly what it that is, but what they're most often talking about is a perception of strength. 

And then a woman who is what we would perceive as strong, who asserts herself, who lobbies for things, will often be told that while she has what it takes to lead, she needs to tone it down lest she ruffle too many feathers.

So, you just cannot win.  There is some middle ground between not being too warm and understanding so everyone knows you mean business but you cannot be too firm or too outspoken so you are perceived as someone who can work with others.

The Mixed Message of Authentic Leadership

We're also living in a moment where there is this premium placed on authenticity and authentic leadership. 

But if you are telling women that however they show up is not the right way to show up as a leader, then they cannot possibly show up authentically as themselves.

 And then you add all these other markers of identity — race and ethnicity, sexual orientation, disability — and it becomes even more complicated.

How can one be authentic if one’s authentic voice is continued judged through the lens of expectations of how a women should act?

It takes a strong sense of self to find your own voice and feel comfortable to express yourself despite societal expectations. 

 You want to be open to feedback but parse the messages you are given through your internal moral compass.

But none of us are immune to judgement and in all honesty, we want to be liked and understood and most of all valued for who we are in, in all our complexity.

Our clear sense of mission and the best way to achieve a goal balanced with a desire to get widespread buy- in to our vision.

We want to set clear expectations for our staff while remaining open to individual gifts and challenges each present.

We want to be able to ask for assistance without judgement on our capability.

We want to allow our strengths to shine without fear of how our ability somehow threatens others.

We can only get there if examine our own stereotypical understanding of what a women leader looks and acts like.

As we lift up other women leaders, we can change the narrative of what an authentic effective women leader looks like.

We have a long way to go.