Intro: The following resource is brought to you by Real Life Community Church in Richmond, Kentucky.
Intro: We hope you're both challenged and encouraged by this message from Pastor Chris May.
Chris May: If you have your Bibles, go with me through to the book of Matthew, chapter 19.
Chris May: The Word of the Lord says this: "When Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea behind the Jordan, and large crowds followed him and he healed them there.
Chris May: And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?
Chris May: And he answered have you not read that he who created them from the beginning, made them male and female and said therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Chris May: What, therefore?
Chris May: God has joined together?
Chris May: Let not man separate.
Chris May: And they said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?
Chris May: And he said to them because of your hardness of heart, moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Chris May: And I say to you whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.
Chris May: And the disciples said to him if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.
Chris May: But he said to them not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given, for there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by man, and there are eunuchs who have made themself eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
Chris May: Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.
Chris May: It's the word of the Lord and you may be seated.
Chris May: Well, I've got some statistics that I want to start off with this morning.
Chris May: I know that sounds exciting, but these statistics confirm what we already know to be true: That the institution of marriage no longer is valued as it once was in this culture.
Chris May: Have you noticed this?
Chris May: Let me just read you these statistics.
Chris May: So in 1960, 75% of all US adults were married.
Chris May: Today that number is less than 50%.
Chris May: In 1960, the divorce rate was 22%.
Chris May: Today it's more than double that.
Chris May: In 1960, the number of men and women who cohabited in other words, they lived together without being married it was so insignificant in that time, in the 60s, that it wasn't even on the map.
Chris May: But today, 17% of women and 16% of men between the ages of 18 and 44 lived together without being married.
Chris May: In that same age range, 18 to 44, 67% of those who are married have previously lived with a partner.
Chris May: Now, these statistics, they don't really surprise us, right?
Chris May: They just confirm what we know to be true.
Chris May: But let me tell you what's alarming.
Chris May: The church has moved on the way that they see marriage and value the sanctity of marriage For the first time ever.
Chris May: Listen to this for the first time ever.
Chris May: The majority 51% of Americans who claim to be very religious and they go to the house of worship at least one time per week, so they consider themselves very religious 51% who fall in this category, see absolutely nothing wrong with divorce.
Chris May: You want to divorce your spouse?
Chris May: Go for it.
Chris May: That's alarming to me.
Chris May: I don't know if it is to you.
Chris May: So Jesus today, in this hard hitting passage, talks about divorce and remarriage.
Chris May: And so here's kind of the thesis today, though divorce may be commonplace, jesus insists on the goodness and the sanctity of marriage and he is calling and empowering his people, who are part of his kingdom, to live in a new way.
Chris May: Now let me say this from the beginning I know we've got some divorced people in here, divorced and remarried people in here.
Chris May: This is not to beat you down, all right, what's done is done, but I want to encourage you from here on Everybody okay with that Good, because that's what I'm preaching.
Chris May: So here we go, main points today.
Chris May: We're going to be on the R train.
Chris May: All right, so we're going to talk about the Pharisees, ruse, or their trap that they laid for Jesus.
Chris May: The Pharisees rebuttal, and then the disciples reaction.
Chris May: So, ruse rebuttal, reaction, are you with me?
Chris May: Here we go.
Chris May: The Pharisees Ruse the first two verses in chapter 19, tell us that Jesus was continuing to make his way.
Chris May: At this point he's continuing to make his way to Jerusalem.
Chris May: And what is he going to Jerusalem for?
Chris May: To lay down his life as a ransom for many.
Chris May: Jesus is going to Jerusalem to confront the very powers of evil and to overcome him at the expense of his life.
Chris May: And while he is on this journey, he and his disciples stop off at Judea.
Chris May: And the Bible says that, jesus, you know, crowds, like they normally do, flock to him, they're pressing around him.
Chris May: And what's he doing?
Chris May: Being the gracious savior that he is, he's healing the sick, he's ministering and blessing those around them.
Chris May: And then you have these sour grapes that show up, right, how we know, there's always got to be a sour grape in every church.
Chris May: And they're mad because Jesus is going around blessing people.
Chris May: And these are the Pharisees, the religious leaders.
Chris May: And this is not the first confrontation between them and Jesus.
Chris May: They want to destroy him.
Chris May: They want to destroy him, they want to discredit him and ultimately they will have him killed.
Chris May: So verse three, the Pharisees Matthew, says test him by asking is it lawful To divorce one's wife for any cause?
Chris May: Now, the Old Testament.
Chris May: If you go back you can read this, later to chapter 24 in the book of Deuteronomy.
Chris May: There is a provision within the Mosaic law that allowed in certain cases for divorce, and here's kind of the wording a man can divorce his wife if he finds some indecency.
Chris May: If he finds some indecency, so that sounds like a kind of ambiguous term, doesn't it?
Chris May: What's it mean that you find your wife indecent?
Chris May: Well, that became a hot topic and debate as years went on and by Jesus' day it had really narrowed down this debate to two sections or two views, if you will.
Chris May: There was imagine this a conservative view and the polar opposite, liberal view.
Chris May: Folks, this is nothing new.
Chris May: Liberals and conservatives, right?
Chris May: So the rabbinical school of Shamai.
Chris May: These were the conservatives, and what they said is that the word indecent there only had to do with infidelity.
Chris May: So the only concession where God's law would allow for divorce, that would be infidelity.
Chris May: Otherwise it is not permitted by God.
Chris May: Now there's another rabbinical school.
Chris May: These are the hyper liberals, and it's called the rabbinical school of Hilel.
Chris May: And listen to this.
Chris May: They would say sure, indecency includes, you know, infidelity, but it would anything you find indecent.
Chris May: That would be considered a reason that you could divorce, even if your wife burnt the toast you can jet.
Chris May: As a matter of fact, get this.
Chris May: A law was eventually added within this school of thought that said, if you're married and you find somebody else more attractive, you could just leave your wife.
Chris May: And they're saying God would sanction this.
Chris May: Is this not insane?
Chris May: And so the this was a debate among the Pharisees.
Chris May: They talked about this a lot, though I think they would lean more conservative in their view, and so that you would think that they're coming to Jesus as this great rabbi and teacher and they would want to hear his, his thoughts.
Chris May: But that's not what they were interested in.
Chris May: It's not what they were interested in.
Chris May: How do we know that?
Chris May: Well, matthew said they gave him this question not to learn, but to do what?
Chris May: To test him.
Chris May: They're laying a trap.
Chris May: They want Jesus to side with one side or the other.
Chris May: So somebody will be mad at him, right?
Chris May: And we know from the end when Jesus talks about.
Chris May: You know the only reason for divorce is sexual morality.
Chris May: Eventually we know that he lands on the conservative side.
Chris May: But he doesn't start there.
Chris May: He does something.
Chris May: Just brilliant.
Chris May: Look at what he does.
Chris May: Versus four Um, yes, four through six, he answered.
Chris May: Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning, made them male and female and said therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they're no longer two but one flesh.
Chris May: But therefore God has joined together.
Chris May: Let not man separate.
Chris May: You see what he's doing here.
Chris May: He's saying to the Pharisees hey, you are asking the wrong question.
Chris May: You're saying what?
Chris May: What will God permit?
Chris May: You're asking what will God permit.
Chris May: You're asking what, what's the most I can get away with and still be in his kingdom?
Chris May: And he's saying that's the wrong question.
Chris May: And he takes us back to the very first pages of the Bible before the fall of man, and he says this is actually God's intent for marriage.
Chris May: And before I unpack that, can I just say to you there's a lot of quote, unquote Christians who they want to know how much can I get away with and still have salvation?
Chris May: You know, how much can I push the envelope?
Chris May: How little can I go to church and still be saved?
Chris May: How little can I give in the offering and still be saved?
Chris May: Beloved?
Chris May: That is the wrong question.
Chris May: What you should be asking is what Jesus is getting at, not what how little can I do or how much can I get away with, but what is most glorifying to God.
Chris May: How can I live my life in such a way that maximizes my potential to live for the glory of God?
Chris May: And so he takes them back, regarding marriage and divorce, not to the Mosaic law, but to the very first pages of the Hebrew scriptures, what we call the book of Genesis.
Chris May: So we go to Genesis, and Jesus begins by quoting Genesis one twenty seven.
Chris May: Let me just read this for you Genesis one twenty seven.
Chris May: So God created man in what?
Chris May: His own image?
Chris May: Yep, in the image of God.
Chris May: He created him male and female.
Chris May: He created them.
Chris May: So God created us in his own image, and Jesus is reminding us that maybe this is.
Chris May: He knew this would be a debate someday.
Chris May: But how many species are created in the image of God?
Chris May: One species, and how many genders are within that species?
Chris May: I never thought people would be confused about this.
Chris May: We have some two year olds in this church that could clarify for some adults out there how many genders there are.
Chris May: Yeah, and I'm not trying to be funny, this is.
Chris May: I mean, this is true.
Chris May: Jesus is now validating.
Chris May: God is the one who establishes gender Right.
Chris May: And so then Jesus goes on Look with me again.
Chris May: So he says a man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.
Chris May: So Jesus is reminding us of God's plan for marriage.
Chris May: What is it?
Chris May: Very simple Again.
Chris May: We got some two, three year olds who can clarify this for us.
Chris May: A man, singular, shall leave his father and mother which, by the way, you need to leave your father and mother.
Chris May: Life becomes first when you get married.
Chris May: Husband becomes first.
Chris May: Somebody say leave and cleave.
Chris May: You got too many mamas in here trying to still run their kids lives who were married.
Chris May: Okay, I'll get off the soapbox there.
Chris May: Some of the mamas are looking at me like how dare you.
Chris May: But so one man shall leave his father and mother and be united with his wife.
Chris May: Singular.
Chris May: So one man plus one woman, and the two shall become one flesh.
Chris May: And then he says so longer, they are not two, but one flesh.
Chris May: What, therefore, god has joined together.
Chris May: Let man not separate.
Chris May: What God has joined together, let man not separate.
Chris May: So this is covenant language.
Chris May: What God has joined together, this is what marriage is.
Chris May: It is one man plus one woman, united in holy matrimony by God for a lifetime.
Chris May: That is God's original intent.
Chris May: So Jesus is saying Pharisees, you should know this.
Chris May: Why are we talking about the exceptions in the law of Moses?
Chris May: You want to know what pleases God?
Chris May: That's the question you should be asking.
Chris May: Go back to the first pages of your Bible.
Chris May: It's powerful.
Chris May: And, by the way, what Jesus is saying here is that God's creation is not incidental.
Chris May: It's not incidental, in other words, god didn't just, you know, by happenstance, by you know, create man and woman and design marriage Like, oh, let's just see if this worked.
Chris May: He was very intentional in his creation of man and woman and he's very intentional in his creation of what is marriage.
Chris May: And can I just tell you, our culture may try to refine, redefine those things, but we don't get to because God created them and we have no right to tamper with those things.
Chris May: Amen.
Chris May: So the Pharisees now respond to Jesus.
Chris May: They give a rebuttal.
Chris May: Look at verse seven.
Chris May: So the Pharisees said to Jesus why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?
Chris May: They go back to Deuteronomy 24, again, depressing Jesus.
Chris May: Why did Moses command them?
Chris May: If God desires for us not to be divorced, to be in a lifetime covenant, why did Moses and notice the word they use command a husband to give his wife a certificate of divorce?
Chris May: So, jesus again, and I think what they're doing here, they're saying Jesus, do you even care about the mosaic law?
Chris May: You see, see what they're doing.
Chris May: They're trying to test him, but look at how he responds.
Chris May: So, jesus, why did Moses command this?
Chris May: Why did God allow it?
Chris May: And here's what he says because of your hardness of heart.
Chris May: Moses allowed not commanded you to divorce your wives.
Chris May: But from the beginning it was not so, boy.
Chris May: That's interesting, isn't it Moses?
Chris May: Nor God commanded a husband or wife to divorce their spouse, but he made provision in certain cases.
Chris May: Why Not because of his will?
Chris May: It's because of the hardness of humanity's hearts.
Chris May: And so the Jewish law, jewish teachers.
Chris May: They recognize a category in the, in the Old Testament law called the laws of concession.
Chris May: And these laws of concession were used to regulate sin rather than just let it loose.
Chris May: And so that's what this law is.
Chris May: It's also, you can think of polygamy.
Chris May: Was polygamy God's original design?
Chris May: No, but in the Old Testament he made provision.
Chris May: Why?
Chris May: Because the hardness of men's hearts.
Chris May: But you know what Jesus does here.
Chris May: He's creating a new kingdom.
Chris May: He's creating a new kingdom, a new humanity.
Chris May: He's inaugurating God's kingdom on the earth.
Chris May: He's created an upside down kingdom.
Chris May: And so he says I know what Moses allowed, I know what the Old Testament law allowed, but I'm about to give my life and I'm about to transform the hearts of people, the hard hearted people who have called themselves the people of God.
Chris May: And I'm about to transform the hearts of people, the hard hearted people who have called themselves the people of God, the people of God, by my spirit they're going to be transformed, and so I want to redeem, renew God's good creation, and part of that is again raising our love and respect for the sanctity of marriage.
Chris May: That's what he's doing.
Chris May: And then Jesus does give one concession, showing that he does line up with the conservatives, because he knows until he comes back, we will not be perfect.
Chris May: In verse nine he says and I say to you, whoever divorced his wife, except for sexual immorality and Mary's another, commits adultery.
Chris May: Those are kind of strong words, aren't they?
Chris May: So Jesus says you know what If an adulterer has broken the marriage covenant?
Chris May: And so he would say that the spouse is free to leave and to remarry?
Chris May: Paul in 1 Corinthians, chapter seven, gives another exception.
Chris May: Now listen to me, this would be abandonment.
Chris May: Your husband or wife abandons you.
Chris May: You are free to divorce and remarry.
Chris May: But let me clarify that If you nag and you're mean to your spouse and you run them off, you cannot claim abandonment.
Chris May: If they run, you know, you're so mean, you're nagging them all the time and you're like I don't know why he left, he just abandoned me.
Chris May: No, he didn't.
Chris May: He didn't want to live with crazy anymore.
Chris May: All right, it's not abandonment.
Chris May: So you don't have the right to remarry.
Chris May: It is when, very clear it is when you are seeking to serve the Lord with all your heart.
Chris May: You are seeking to love God, you are gentle and kind and tender hearted with your spouse.
Chris May: You are self sacrificing for your spouse, but your spouse wants nothing to do with you and he or she abandoned you.
Chris May: Jesus says you were free.
Chris May: You're free in that.
Chris May: Now I want to deal with one other, one other topic here, because I get at when I talk about this text.
Chris May: I've been asked from time to time what about domestic violence?
Chris May: The Bible doesn't address it in relation to adult or divorce.
Chris May: There are thoughts from different pastors.
Chris May: The disagreement on this.
Chris May: First and foremost, what we would all agree on is that if you're going through some kind of domestic violence verbal, sexual or physical abuse, abuse you need to get to safety, and we have resources here that we can point you to where we can help you get to safety.
Chris May: Beyond that, my take is that you would be free to divorce your spouse for this, because I look at it as abandonment.
Chris May: I don't see anything.
Chris May: I can't imagine anything worse from the than your wife, who you're supposed to love and cherish, of degrading and beating in any way or abusing your spouse.
Chris May: Now, that is not.
Chris May: That's just my thoughts and I think I'm right in that.
Chris May: But I may not be Okay, so just understand that.
Chris May: But I get answered that or questioned about that all the time, so I wanted to address it.
Chris May: So the disciples hear all this and they hear if you get, if you get, divorce for any other reasons, for any other reason besides adultery or we know later, abandonment, if you get divorced for any other reason, you have no right to get remarried and if you do, you commit adultery.
Chris May: Now the disciples are hearing all this.
Chris May: I love this.
Chris May: Look at their response.
Chris May: The disciples said to him if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.
Chris May: Do you see what they're doing?
Chris May: The disciples know something Marriage is difficult.
Chris May: Some of them are married.
Chris May: They have friends who are married.
Chris May: It's difficult, is it not?
Chris May: Come on, I know your spouse is sitting next to you, but is it not challenging at times?
Chris May: Yeah, it is.
Chris May: It's meant to be a blessing, but it's two imperfect people living together.
Chris May: It's listen, you're going to argue.
Chris May: Actually you don't argue.
Chris May: If you're a Christian, you have moments of intense Christian fellowship.
Chris May: All right, that's how we sanctify our arguments.
Chris May: So so we know it's difficult at times.
Chris May: That's why Don and Lynn have to teach a course every month helping couples Christian couples a lot of the time who are in their marriages in trouble.
Chris May: So it's difficult.
Chris May: The disciples hear Jesus' strong stance on divorce and they go.
Chris May: You know what, man?
Chris May: Sometimes spouses are really mean.
Chris May: Sometimes there's irreconcilable differences.
Chris May: It just be better then that nobody marries.
Chris May: You get what they're saying here and you know.
Chris May: I think that's sometimes our culture's response to the difficulty of marriage and high divorce rates.
Chris May: Just don't do it.
Chris May: Matter of fact, let me just read you.
Chris May: This is unreal.
Chris May: It's an article from Psychology Today.
Chris May: I'll just read you an excerpt.
Chris May: Dr Ryan Anderson writes this in an article called Minogamy is outdated.
Chris May: All right, here's what he writes we are not designed to be monogamous.
Chris May: So many relationships break down because one partner is unfaithful.
Chris May: Listen to what he says.
Chris May: The thing is, by being sexually faithful, we are going against our hardwired biology.
Chris May: He thinks this because we've come from animals, right, and animals aren't, by and large, monogamous.
Chris May: So he goes you shouldn't be in a lifelong covenant relationship because it goes against our biology.
Chris May: I can just say one word about that Wrong, because we go back to the first pages of our Bible.
Chris May: What were we designed for?
Chris May: A monogamous relationship, one man, one woman, faithful for life.
Chris May: That's what we were designed for.
Chris May: Okay, so the disciples are freaked out and they're just like Jesus.
Chris May: Man.
Chris May: Nobody should get married.
Chris May: But listen to Jesus' response, verse 11, he said to them Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given, for there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by man, and there are eunuchs who have been made themselves eunuchs.
Chris May: For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, let the one who's able to receive this receive it.
Chris May: So, jesus, at the end of this passage he's talking about those who are single, and I want to address that in a second.
Chris May: But before he does understand that he is pro marriage, right, like we know that what God has joined together, he's pro marriage.
Chris May: And then he says, before he talks about singleness, which Jesus remains single.
Chris May: Right, he remains single.
Chris May: Before he deals with that, he says not everybody can receive this, not everybody's meant to be single.
Chris May: But then he I think he says in essence, some are, and he talks about eunuchs.
Chris May: What in the world is going on here?
Chris May: I'm not going to address every sentence in that, but he's using the word.
Chris May: I want to make this very clear.
Chris May: He's using the word unique metaphorically, in other words, he's not promoting castration here.
Chris May: All right, this happened to my dog a few weeks ago and I don't recommend it.
Chris May: All right, so he's using this, this word unique, metaphorically.
Chris May: And what he's saying is at the end of this.
Chris May: Here's the point he's making Some, like him, have decided that they are not going to be married.
Chris May: Why?
Chris May: For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, and I love this because I want to talk to some of you singles in here who who maybe feel like you want to remain single.
Chris May: Jesus validates you and I don't feel like we always do a great job of that in the church.
Chris May: Jesus validates you and you know the beauty of this.
Chris May: He says when you don't have a spouse at home and you don't have to attend to them all the time, when you don't have children, you know what he says.
Chris May: He says you can devote yourself even more to the kingdom of God and the work of the ministry.
Chris May: So if you're single, god bless you, don't ever feel less.
Chris May: You know, I hear people say this old, what was it?
Chris May: Jerry Maguire movie, man man card.
Chris May: But you, you what?
Chris May: You?
Chris May: Oh good, you give yours up too.
Chris May: Say it out real loud you complete me.
Chris May: Brothers and sisters, you don't need a man or woman to complete you.
Chris May: Only Jesus Christ can complete you.
Chris May: Okay, there we have it.
Chris May: What do we do with this?
Chris May: What in the world do we do with this?
Chris May: Well, here it is, here it is.
Chris May: I want you to see that God's way is the best way.
Chris May: I don't care what culture says.
Chris May: Statistics show that for people who are married, the ones who stay together, or more prosperous or happier, are much better off emotionally, physically.
Chris May: Their health is even better in every way when they stay in that committed relationship.
Chris May: It's also, we know, much better for your children there are.
Chris May: There are heavy consequences to children who come, you know, when you have children and you get divorced.
Chris May: And again, I'm not beating anybody up for this, let me just read you.
Chris May: This is an excerpt from research that is on the National Library of Medicine website.
Chris May: It's a government site, I believe.
Chris May: Listen to this.
Chris May: Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional and academic well-being.
Chris May: That's worth thinking about before you leave your spouse, isn't it?
Chris May: Really?
Chris May: Is my point in this?
Chris May: You know what it is Culture says.
Chris May: Culture says, ah, divorce is no big deal.
Chris May: Some church people oh, divorce is no big deal.
Chris May: Stuff happens, it does happen, but God's way is the best way.
Chris May: The culture says, oh, it's better to have multiple partners, you're free that way.
Chris May: No, god's way is the best way.
Chris May: Some people think, when it comes to the law of God, particularly in the New Testament that God's trying to take our fun away.
Chris May: Man, it's just binding.
Chris May: It's so outdated, these laws.
Chris May: He's not trying to take your fun away.
Chris May: He created you and noose flash.
Chris May: God knows better than you do what will make you happy, what will satisfy your heart.
Chris May: And so he gives us laws, boundaries, just like you do for your children, and they think you're mean and horrible, but you love them and you're protecting them.
Chris May: So here here is something.
Chris May: They think that God's laws are binding, right, and so this is really interesting Jordan Peterson.
Chris May: You should know his name by now Clinical psychologist, brilliant.
Chris May: He has a video called the real reason for marriage, and in this he notes that people say they want to leave open the possibility of divorce so they can quote unquote be free.
Chris May: Now listen to how he responds you want to be free?
Chris May: Eh, really, really.
Chris May: So you can't predict anything.
Chris May: That's what you're after.
Chris May: He demands marriages of Val.
Chris May: It says look and I love this I know your trouble and I'm trouble too, so we won't leave, no matter what happens.
Chris May: That's what you.
Chris May: That's why you take vows in front of everyone, a large crowd, and before the Lord.
Chris May: That's why it's supposed to be a sacred act.
Chris May: He says what's the alternative?
Chris May: Everything is mutable and changeable at any moment.
Chris May: Do you really want to live like that?
Chris May: He talks about this and this is this is really worth thinking about.
Chris May: He says that when you are in a committed marriage, marital relationship without the possibility of divorce, that is the only relationship out of out of it, outside of your relationship with Jesus, that you can actually be your truly so, your true self, 100%.
Chris May: If you are dating or you are living with a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, if you're cohabiting, here's what happens you are more broken and messed up than you let on, because you know if you tell the full truth about you, you know there's always a back door and your spouse will run or your excuse me your girlfriend or boyfriend will run, they'll leave.
Chris May: And so sometimes you're not even honest with yourself because you don't want to go there, because you know that no one will likely accept you for the real you.
Chris May: So you just give them part of you and then you get married and it's like, oh my gosh, this wasn't the guy I dated, right, or the girl I dated.
Chris May: But when you're married this is what Peterson says.
Chris May: He says when you're married without the possibility of divorce.
Chris May: You can let your spouse and this is so unbelievably freeing, you can let your spouse see the deepest, darkest recesses of your heart and know that they're going to love you through it.
Chris May: And then, when you see that in your spouse and you're able to share your heart with her and in the malevolence that you're capable of with her Listen, here's what you do.
Chris May: You work on it together and you become better.
Chris May: Marriage can be transforming and it's a beautiful thing.
Chris May: Nikki is the only person, only person on this planet that knows me inside and out, completely, and it's so wonderful because she loves me in spite of the worst of me and I love her in spite of the worst of her, which is very little, by the way.
Chris May: God's way is the best way.
Chris May: So if you're here today and you're married and maybe your marriage is in trouble, because that happens a lot Look at me, you can make it.
Chris May: You can make it.
Chris May: Don't you tell people this every week, don and Lynn, oh, you can make it.
Chris May: Can I just be really transparent?
Chris May: I've told you this before, but some of you have been telling me that you can make it before, but some of you are new.
Chris May: I've been married 25 years now.
Chris May: The first more than a decade of my marriage was beyond miserable.
Chris May: Nikki and I despised each other and I realized a lot of it.
Chris May: I thought it was her, but it was.
Chris May: You know, in the way she acted.
Chris May: But it was my own immaturity, my selfishness.
Chris May: So I came to this point.
Chris May: I almost felt like there was too much water under the bridge to stay together.
Chris May: But I came to this moment where I said you know what?
Chris May: This is not even about just me and her, it's about me and God.
Chris May: And I just think, if God can part the Red Sea, surely he can make my marriage a lot better.
Chris May: Or do you agree?
Chris May: Sometimes we go, go.
Chris May: I don't know if you can handle this.
Chris May: Are you kidding me?
Chris May: He raised Jesus from the dead.
Chris May: Nothing, nothing is impossible for my God.
Chris May: We sing that in this like oh, but my marriage is so difficult.
Chris May: Come on, nothing God can't handle.
Chris May: If you and your spouse will submit wholly and fully to Him, things will get better, I promise you.
Chris May: And here's what I want to encourage you married people, dana, would you mind coming to the keys?
Chris May: Here's what I want to encourage you with Keep the whole covenant, because here's what people say.
Chris May: Well, I don't believe in divorce Christians, right?
Chris May: I think I even said this at one point.
Chris May: I don't believe in divorce.
Chris May: I'm going to stay married, but I'm going to be miserable.
Chris May: Really, you think that's more pleasing to God?
Chris May: Here's your covenant.
Chris May: I want to say you're still.
Chris May: If that's your attitude, you're still breaking the covenant.
Chris May: Are you with me?
Chris May: Because I didn't get up there and tell my wife and my vows well, I'll stay together with you, but I might make your life miserable and you might mind miserable and we'll just deal with it.
Chris May: Now I said I'm going to love you and I'm going to cherish you.
Chris May: I'm going to love you and I'm going to cherish you all the days of my life, until death.
Chris May: Do us part Married people live by the whole covenant.
Chris May: And you say well, I don't really feel loving towards my spouse.
Chris May: And I just want to tell you that's normal sometimes Don't tell Nicky, I said that, but it's normal sometimes, because here's the thing we think of love, we think of feelings, and there's just some days I mean I'm not being funny here, trying to be funny, I really mean this there's days you wake up and you don't feel particularly loving towards your spouse.
Chris May: Cs Lewis said something about this?
Chris May: What do you do when you don't feel loving towards someone?
Chris May: You know what you do you act loving.
Chris May: See, sometimes, here's what we think in our culture.
Chris May: We think that we should always.
Chris May: But we hear this follow your heart, goodness gracious, don't follow your heart, oh my gosh, it'll lead you astray.
Chris May: So that means, if I've had couples come, I just don't love them anymore.
Chris May: I just don't love them anymore and so we're going to separate.
Chris May: It's like, okay, you may not feel love, but let me tell you what to do.
Chris May: You act loving.
Chris May: You go home and you do the most loving things you could think of, like you were head over heels in love with this person.
Chris May: And you know what CS Lewis says, and he's absolutely right when you act loving, when you act loving, feelings follow.
Chris May: You don't love your church.
Chris May: Act like you love it, the feelings will follow.
Chris May: Am I telling the truth?
Chris May: Bonhoeffer said this, dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Chris May: He said you know he was writing a letter.
Chris May: He was actually in prison and he was supposed to officiate a wedding for a young couple.
Chris May: And he writes to them from prison and he says these words.
Chris May: He says it is not love that sustains the covenant, but it's the covenant that sustains the love.
Chris May: It's your covenant.
Chris May: When you don't feel loving here's what he's saying you go back and you remember the covenant that you made before God and before others and your spouse.
Chris May: When you remember that and you want to honor that, god will bless you and that covenant will sustain the love.
Chris May: One more thing I'll address, and we're done.
Chris May: Some of you today you've been divorced for unbiblical reasons and you're remarried.
Chris May: What do you do?
Chris May: There's disagreement on this, but here's, pastor Chris, I think, number one you repent.
Chris May: You know what bothers me about this the most, when somebody's remarried and they say these words, when they've been divorced for wrong reasons and they get remarried.
Chris May: You know what I hate more than anything is when they say I know God brought us together.
Chris May: I want to drop, kick them.
Chris May: I'm just being honest, because God never goes against His word when he says that if you leave your wife for a reason other than what the Bible says is OK and you get remarried, you are an adulterer.
Chris May: So did God bring you into adultery?
Chris May: That makes no sense.
Chris May: So the first thing you do, if that's you, you repent and say Lord.
Chris May: You get on your knees with your new spouse and you say Lord, we repent, we are sorry.
Chris May: This was not sanctioned by you, this was not approved by you.
Chris May: We have sinned, but here's what I think you do, and some pastors disagree with me.
Chris May: Here's what I think you do.
Chris May: You stay with your spouse, you don't break another commitment and you serve God together, you guys, ok, so that's it.
Chris May: I'm not here.
Chris May: What's done is done.
Chris May: Are you with me?
Chris May: Please don't feel beat up this morning or can damn what's done is done from this time forward.
Chris May: Here's.
Chris May: Here's my goal today.
Chris May: Single or married, second married, third marriage, whatever it is, keep your commitment.
Chris May: Even if you're single, live for the glory of God.
Chris May: If you're married, live for the glory of God but know that God's ways is the best way in our lives, or about His glory, the end.
Chris May: Are you with me?
Intro: Thank you for listening.
Intro: If you'd like to know more about how you can have a relationship with Jesus Christ, or if you have questions about our church, you can email us at info at myrealchurchorg.
Intro: Real Life Community Church is located at 335 Glendon Avenue in Richmond, kentucky.
Intro: We invite you to join us for worship Sunday at 10.45 AM or Wednesday at 7 PM.
Intro: Visit us online at myrealchurchorg.