WEBVTT 00:00:04.607 --> 00:00:09.474 The following resource is brought to you by Real Life Community Church in Richmond, Kentucky. 00:00:09.474 --> 00:00:14.471 We hope you're both challenged and encouraged by this message from Pastor Chris May. 00:00:17.164 --> 00:00:21.192 If you have your Bibles, go with me through to the book of Matthew, chapter 19. 00:01:27.900 --> 00:01:42.670 The Word of the Lord says this: "When Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea behind the Jordan, and large crowds followed him and he healed them there. 00:01:42.670 --> 00:01:52.168 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? 00:01:52.168 --> 00:02:09.687 And he answered have you not read that he who created them from the beginning, made them male and female and said therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 00:02:09.687 --> 00:02:11.141 What, therefore? 00:02:11.141 --> 00:02:12.626 God has joined together? 00:02:12.626 --> 00:02:14.651 Let not man separate. 00:02:14.651 --> 00:02:21.893 And they said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? 00:02:21.893 --> 00:02:31.406 And he said to them because of your hardness of heart, moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 00:02:31.406 --> 00:02:38.548 And I say to you whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. 00:02:38.548 --> 00:02:46.193 And the disciples said to him if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. 00:02:46.193 --> 00:03:01.270 But he said to them not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given, for there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by man, and there are eunuchs who have made themself eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. 00:03:01.270 --> 00:03:05.830 Let the one who is able to receive this receive it. 00:03:05.830 --> 00:03:08.122 It's the word of the Lord and you may be seated. 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:18.610 Well, I've got some statistics that I want to start off with this morning. 00:03:18.610 --> 00:03:34.814 I know that sounds exciting, but these statistics confirm what we already know to be true: That the institution of marriage no longer is valued as it once was in this culture. 00:03:34.814 --> 00:03:35.804 Have you noticed this? 00:03:35.804 --> 00:03:37.965 Let me just read you these statistics. 00:03:37.965 --> 00:03:44.391 So in 1960, 75% of all US adults were married. 00:03:44.391 --> 00:03:47.385 Today that number is less than 50%. 00:03:47.385 --> 00:03:52.949 In 1960, the divorce rate was 22%. 00:03:52.949 --> 00:03:56.145 Today it's more than double that. 00:03:56.145 --> 00:04:13.612 In 1960, the number of men and women who cohabited in other words, they lived together without being married it was so insignificant in that time, in the 60s, that it wasn't even on the map. 00:04:13.612 --> 00:04:23.173 But today, 17% of women and 16% of men between the ages of 18 and 44 lived together without being married. 00:04:23.173 --> 00:04:34.653 In that same age range, 18 to 44, 67% of those who are married have previously lived with a partner. 00:04:36.120 --> 00:04:39.290 Now, these statistics, they don't really surprise us, right? 00:04:39.290 --> 00:04:41.588 They just confirm what we know to be true. 00:04:41.588 --> 00:04:43.564 But let me tell you what's alarming. 00:04:43.564 --> 00:04:56.961 The church has moved on the way that they see marriage and value the sanctity of marriage For the first time ever. 00:04:56.961 --> 00:04:58.704 Listen to this for the first time ever. 00:04:58.704 --> 00:05:22.213 The majority 51% of Americans who claim to be very religious and they go to the house of worship at least one time per week, so they consider themselves very religious 51% who fall in this category, see absolutely nothing wrong with divorce. 00:05:22.213 --> 00:05:23.584 You want to divorce your spouse? 00:05:23.584 --> 00:05:24.105 Go for it. 00:05:24.105 --> 00:05:26.944 That's alarming to me. 00:05:26.944 --> 00:05:28.723 I don't know if it is to you. 00:05:30.259 --> 00:05:37.252 So Jesus today, in this hard hitting passage, talks about divorce and remarriage. 00:05:37.252 --> 00:05:58.194 And so here's kind of the thesis today, though divorce may be commonplace, jesus insists on the goodness and the sanctity of marriage and he is calling and empowering his people, who are part of his kingdom, to live in a new way. 00:05:58.194 --> 00:06:04.050 Now let me say this from the beginning I know we've got some divorced people in here, divorced and remarried people in here. 00:06:04.050 --> 00:06:15.863 This is not to beat you down, all right, what's done is done, but I want to encourage you from here on Everybody okay with that Good, because that's what I'm preaching. 00:06:15.863 --> 00:06:19.944 So here we go, main points today. 00:06:19.944 --> 00:06:21.288 We're going to be on the R train. 00:06:21.288 --> 00:06:27.733 All right, so we're going to talk about the Pharisees, ruse, or their trap that they laid for Jesus. 00:06:27.733 --> 00:06:32.391 The Pharisees rebuttal, and then the disciples reaction. 00:06:32.391 --> 00:06:34.982 So, ruse rebuttal, reaction, are you with me? 00:06:34.982 --> 00:06:36.261 Here we go. 00:06:39.339 --> 00:06:47.434 The Pharisees Ruse the first two verses in chapter 19, tell us that Jesus was continuing to make his way. 00:06:47.434 --> 00:06:51.410 At this point he's continuing to make his way to Jerusalem. 00:06:51.410 --> 00:06:53.906 And what is he going to Jerusalem for? 00:06:53.906 --> 00:06:58.670 To lay down his life as a ransom for many. 00:06:58.670 --> 00:07:07.834 Jesus is going to Jerusalem to confront the very powers of evil and to overcome him at the expense of his life. 00:07:07.834 --> 00:07:14.271 And while he is on this journey, he and his disciples stop off at Judea. 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:23.704 And the Bible says that, jesus, you know, crowds, like they normally do, flock to him, they're pressing around him. 00:07:23.704 --> 00:07:24.605 And what's he doing? 00:07:24.605 --> 00:07:30.887 Being the gracious savior that he is, he's healing the sick, he's ministering and blessing those around them. 00:07:30.887 --> 00:07:38.048 And then you have these sour grapes that show up, right, how we know, there's always got to be a sour grape in every church. 00:07:38.048 --> 00:07:41.507 And they're mad because Jesus is going around blessing people. 00:07:41.507 --> 00:07:44.867 And these are the Pharisees, the religious leaders. 00:07:44.867 --> 00:07:48.689 And this is not the first confrontation between them and Jesus. 00:07:48.689 --> 00:07:51.685 They want to destroy him. 00:07:51.685 --> 00:08:00.728 They want to destroy him, they want to discredit him and ultimately they will have him killed. 00:08:00.728 --> 00:08:14.668 So verse three, the Pharisees Matthew, says test him by asking is it lawful To divorce one's wife for any cause? 00:08:14.668 --> 00:08:18.660 Now, the Old Testament. 00:08:18.660 --> 00:08:22.692 If you go back you can read this, later to chapter 24 in the book of Deuteronomy. 00:08:23.889 --> 00:08:36.682 There is a provision within the Mosaic law that allowed in certain cases for divorce, and here's kind of the wording a man can divorce his wife if he finds some indecency. 00:08:36.682 --> 00:08:45.321 If he finds some indecency, so that sounds like a kind of ambiguous term, doesn't it? 00:08:45.321 --> 00:08:49.100 What's it mean that you find your wife indecent? 00:08:49.100 --> 00:09:03.351 Well, that became a hot topic and debate as years went on and by Jesus' day it had really narrowed down this debate to two sections or two views, if you will. 00:09:03.351 --> 00:09:09.522 There was imagine this a conservative view and the polar opposite, liberal view. 00:09:09.522 --> 00:09:10.932 Folks, this is nothing new. 00:09:10.932 --> 00:09:12.398 Liberals and conservatives, right? 00:09:12.398 --> 00:09:17.418 So the rabbinical school of Shamai. 00:09:17.418 --> 00:09:25.121 These were the conservatives, and what they said is that the word indecent there only had to do with infidelity. 00:09:25.121 --> 00:09:34.164 So the only concession where God's law would allow for divorce, that would be infidelity. 00:09:34.164 --> 00:09:36.937 Otherwise it is not permitted by God. 00:09:36.937 --> 00:09:39.634 Now there's another rabbinical school. 00:09:39.634 --> 00:09:44.876 These are the hyper liberals, and it's called the rabbinical school of Hilel. 00:09:45.669 --> 00:09:46.191 And listen to this. 00:09:46.191 --> 00:09:54.379 They would say sure, indecency includes, you know, infidelity, but it would anything you find indecent. 00:09:54.379 --> 00:10:00.740 That would be considered a reason that you could divorce, even if your wife burnt the toast you can jet. 00:10:00.740 --> 00:10:02.774 As a matter of fact, get this. 00:10:02.774 --> 00:10:12.311 A law was eventually added within this school of thought that said, if you're married and you find somebody else more attractive, you could just leave your wife. 00:10:12.311 --> 00:10:15.119 And they're saying God would sanction this. 00:10:15.119 --> 00:10:17.313 Is this not insane? 00:10:18.250 --> 00:10:22.240 And so the this was a debate among the Pharisees. 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:35.216 They talked about this a lot, though I think they would lean more conservative in their view, and so that you would think that they're coming to Jesus as this great rabbi and teacher and they would want to hear his, his thoughts. 00:10:35.216 --> 00:10:37.778 But that's not what they were interested in. 00:10:37.778 --> 00:10:40.433 It's not what they were interested in. 00:10:40.433 --> 00:10:41.157 How do we know that? 00:10:41.157 --> 00:10:45.239 Well, matthew said they gave him this question not to learn, but to do what? 00:10:45.239 --> 00:10:46.991 To test him. 00:10:46.991 --> 00:10:49.019 They're laying a trap. 00:10:49.019 --> 00:10:52.559 They want Jesus to side with one side or the other. 00:10:52.559 --> 00:10:54.616 So somebody will be mad at him, right? 00:10:54.616 --> 00:10:57.561 And we know from the end when Jesus talks about. 00:10:57.561 --> 00:11:00.514 You know the only reason for divorce is sexual morality. 00:11:00.970 --> 00:11:04.219 Eventually we know that he lands on the conservative side. 00:11:04.219 --> 00:11:07.256 But he doesn't start there. 00:11:07.256 --> 00:11:08.253 He does something. 00:11:08.253 --> 00:11:09.839 Just brilliant. 00:11:09.839 --> 00:11:10.692 Look at what he does. 00:11:10.692 --> 00:11:17.611 Versus four Um, yes, four through six, he answered. 00:11:17.611 --> 00:11:34.638 Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning, made them male and female and said therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they're no longer two but one flesh. 00:11:34.638 --> 00:11:37.677 But therefore God has joined together. 00:11:37.677 --> 00:11:40.975 Let not man separate. 00:11:40.975 --> 00:11:43.754 You see what he's doing here. 00:11:44.629 --> 00:11:48.119 He's saying to the Pharisees hey, you are asking the wrong question. 00:11:48.119 --> 00:11:50.573 You're saying what? 00:11:50.573 --> 00:11:52.500 What will God permit? 00:11:52.500 --> 00:11:54.434 You're asking what will God permit. 00:11:54.434 --> 00:12:03.442 You're asking what, what's the most I can get away with and still be in his kingdom? 00:12:03.442 --> 00:12:06.335 And he's saying that's the wrong question. 00:12:07.509 --> 00:12:14.979 And he takes us back to the very first pages of the Bible before the fall of man, and he says this is actually God's intent for marriage. 00:12:14.979 --> 00:12:25.820 And before I unpack that, can I just say to you there's a lot of quote, unquote Christians who they want to know how much can I get away with and still have salvation? 00:12:25.820 --> 00:12:29.517 You know, how much can I push the envelope? 00:12:29.517 --> 00:12:32.077 How little can I go to church and still be saved? 00:12:32.077 --> 00:12:35.318 How little can I give in the offering and still be saved? 00:12:35.318 --> 00:12:36.653 Beloved? 00:12:36.653 --> 00:12:37.977 That is the wrong question. 00:12:37.977 --> 00:12:47.116 What you should be asking is what Jesus is getting at, not what how little can I do or how much can I get away with, but what is most glorifying to God. 00:12:47.116 --> 00:12:53.363 How can I live my life in such a way that maximizes my potential to live for the glory of God? 00:12:54.250 --> 00:13:04.660 And so he takes them back, regarding marriage and divorce, not to the Mosaic law, but to the very first pages of the Hebrew scriptures, what we call the book of Genesis. 00:13:04.660 --> 00:13:12.722 So we go to Genesis, and Jesus begins by quoting Genesis one twenty seven. 00:13:12.722 --> 00:13:17.735 Let me just read this for you Genesis one twenty seven. 00:13:17.735 --> 00:13:19.775 So God created man in what? 00:13:19.775 --> 00:13:22.234 His own image? 00:13:22.234 --> 00:13:25.254 Yep, in the image of God. 00:13:25.254 --> 00:13:28.440 He created him male and female. 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:31.293 He created them. 00:13:31.293 --> 00:13:40.009 So God created us in his own image, and Jesus is reminding us that maybe this is. 00:13:40.009 --> 00:13:42.217 He knew this would be a debate someday. 00:13:42.217 --> 00:13:46.879 But how many species are created in the image of God? 00:13:46.879 --> 00:13:51.239 One species, and how many genders are within that species? 00:13:51.239 --> 00:13:54.678 I never thought people would be confused about this. 00:13:54.678 --> 00:14:00.313 We have some two year olds in this church that could clarify for some adults out there how many genders there are. 00:14:00.313 --> 00:14:04.931 Yeah, and I'm not trying to be funny, this is. 00:14:04.931 --> 00:14:05.673 I mean, this is true. 00:14:05.673 --> 00:14:08.075 Jesus is now validating. 00:14:08.075 --> 00:14:11.931 God is the one who establishes gender Right. 00:14:11.931 --> 00:14:16.253 And so then Jesus goes on Look with me again. 00:14:18.210 --> 00:14:24.514 So he says a man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. 00:14:24.514 --> 00:14:28.038 So Jesus is reminding us of God's plan for marriage. 00:14:28.038 --> 00:14:28.499 What is it? 00:14:28.499 --> 00:14:30.269 Very simple Again. 00:14:30.269 --> 00:14:33.138 We got some two, three year olds who can clarify this for us. 00:14:34.769 --> 00:14:42.994 A man, singular, shall leave his father and mother which, by the way, you need to leave your father and mother. 00:14:42.994 --> 00:14:45.634 Life becomes first when you get married. 00:14:45.634 --> 00:14:47.318 Husband becomes first. 00:14:47.318 --> 00:14:49.735 Somebody say leave and cleave. 00:14:49.735 --> 00:14:54.458 You got too many mamas in here trying to still run their kids lives who were married. 00:14:54.458 --> 00:14:59.519 Okay, I'll get off the soapbox there. 00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:02.037 Some of the mamas are looking at me like how dare you. 00:15:02.037 --> 00:15:09.442 But so one man shall leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. 00:15:09.682 --> 00:15:10.144 Singular. 00:15:10.144 --> 00:15:15.841 So one man plus one woman, and the two shall become one flesh. 00:15:15.841 --> 00:15:21.341 And then he says so longer, they are not two, but one flesh. 00:15:21.341 --> 00:15:24.552 What, therefore, god has joined together. 00:15:24.552 --> 00:15:26.498 Let man not separate. 00:15:26.498 --> 00:15:29.778 What God has joined together, let man not separate. 00:15:29.778 --> 00:15:32.658 So this is covenant language. 00:15:32.658 --> 00:15:35.774 What God has joined together, this is what marriage is. 00:15:35.774 --> 00:15:44.903 It is one man plus one woman, united in holy matrimony by God for a lifetime. 00:15:44.903 --> 00:15:47.456 That is God's original intent. 00:15:47.570 --> 00:15:49.876 So Jesus is saying Pharisees, you should know this. 00:15:49.876 --> 00:15:54.059 Why are we talking about the exceptions in the law of Moses? 00:15:54.059 --> 00:15:55.836 You want to know what pleases God? 00:15:55.836 --> 00:15:57.676 That's the question you should be asking. 00:15:57.676 --> 00:15:59.936 Go back to the first pages of your Bible. 00:15:59.936 --> 00:16:01.893 It's powerful. 00:16:01.893 --> 00:16:06.479 And, by the way, what Jesus is saying here is that God's creation is not incidental. 00:16:06.479 --> 00:16:17.375 It's not incidental, in other words, god didn't just, you know, by happenstance, by you know, create man and woman and design marriage Like, oh, let's just see if this worked. 00:16:17.375 --> 00:16:26.080 He was very intentional in his creation of man and woman and he's very intentional in his creation of what is marriage. 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:36.293 And can I just tell you, our culture may try to refine, redefine those things, but we don't get to because God created them and we have no right to tamper with those things. 00:16:36.293 --> 00:16:37.658 Amen. 00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:46.841 So the Pharisees now respond to Jesus. 00:16:46.841 --> 00:16:47.692 They give a rebuttal. 00:16:47.692 --> 00:16:49.639 Look at verse seven. 00:16:49.639 --> 00:16:59.672 So the Pharisees said to Jesus why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? 00:16:59.672 --> 00:17:04.893 They go back to Deuteronomy 24, again, depressing Jesus. 00:17:04.893 --> 00:17:07.701 Why did Moses command them? 00:17:07.701 --> 00:17:19.715 If God desires for us not to be divorced, to be in a lifetime covenant, why did Moses and notice the word they use command a husband to give his wife a certificate of divorce? 00:17:20.738 --> 00:17:26.236 So, jesus again, and I think what they're doing here, they're saying Jesus, do you even care about the mosaic law? 00:17:26.236 --> 00:17:28.211 You see, see what they're doing. 00:17:28.211 --> 00:17:31.334 They're trying to test him, but look at how he responds. 00:17:31.334 --> 00:17:35.375 So, jesus, why did Moses command this? 00:17:35.375 --> 00:17:36.558 Why did God allow it? 00:17:36.558 --> 00:17:41.238 And here's what he says because of your hardness of heart. 00:17:41.410 --> 00:17:45.902 Moses allowed not commanded you to divorce your wives. 00:17:45.902 --> 00:17:49.526 But from the beginning it was not so, boy. 00:17:49.526 --> 00:17:54.513 That's interesting, isn't it Moses? 00:17:54.513 --> 00:18:01.446 Nor God commanded a husband or wife to divorce their spouse, but he made provision in certain cases. 00:18:01.446 --> 00:18:03.654 Why Not because of his will? 00:18:03.654 --> 00:18:06.082 It's because of the hardness of humanity's hearts. 00:18:08.290 --> 00:18:10.900 And so the Jewish law, jewish teachers. 00:18:10.900 --> 00:18:17.681 They recognize a category in the, in the Old Testament law called the laws of concession. 00:18:17.681 --> 00:18:25.053 And these laws of concession were used to regulate sin rather than just let it loose. 00:18:25.053 --> 00:18:27.421 And so that's what this law is. 00:18:27.421 --> 00:18:29.295 It's also, you can think of polygamy. 00:18:29.295 --> 00:18:32.102 Was polygamy God's original design? 00:18:32.102 --> 00:18:35.219 No, but in the Old Testament he made provision. 00:18:35.219 --> 00:18:35.651 Why? 00:18:35.651 --> 00:18:37.478 Because the hardness of men's hearts. 00:18:39.950 --> 00:18:42.178 But you know what Jesus does here. 00:18:42.178 --> 00:18:43.910 He's creating a new kingdom. 00:18:43.910 --> 00:18:46.940 He's creating a new kingdom, a new humanity. 00:18:46.940 --> 00:18:48.490 He's inaugurating God's kingdom on the earth. 00:18:48.490 --> 00:18:50.942 He's created an upside down kingdom. 00:18:50.942 --> 00:19:04.583 And so he says I know what Moses allowed, I know what the Old Testament law allowed, but I'm about to give my life and I'm about to transform the hearts of people, the hard hearted people who have called themselves the people of God. 00:19:04.583 --> 00:19:27.363 And I'm about to transform the hearts of people, the hard hearted people who have called themselves the people of God, the people of God, by my spirit they're going to be transformed, and so I want to redeem, renew God's good creation, and part of that is again raising our love and respect for the sanctity of marriage. 00:19:27.363 --> 00:19:29.556 That's what he's doing. 00:19:29.556 --> 00:19:38.400 And then Jesus does give one concession, showing that he does line up with the conservatives, because he knows until he comes back, we will not be perfect. 00:19:39.511 --> 00:19:48.101 In verse nine he says and I say to you, whoever divorced his wife, except for sexual immorality and Mary's another, commits adultery. 00:19:48.101 --> 00:19:51.257 Those are kind of strong words, aren't they? 00:19:51.257 --> 00:19:58.309 So Jesus says you know what If an adulterer has broken the marriage covenant? 00:19:58.309 --> 00:20:01.721 And so he would say that the spouse is free to leave and to remarry? 00:20:01.721 --> 00:20:06.121 Paul in 1 Corinthians, chapter seven, gives another exception. 00:20:06.470 --> 00:20:09.200 Now listen to me, this would be abandonment. 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:11.237 Your husband or wife abandons you. 00:20:11.237 --> 00:20:13.557 You are free to divorce and remarry. 00:20:13.557 --> 00:20:23.056 But let me clarify that If you nag and you're mean to your spouse and you run them off, you cannot claim abandonment. 00:20:23.056 --> 00:20:31.114 If they run, you know, you're so mean, you're nagging them all the time and you're like I don't know why he left, he just abandoned me. 00:20:31.114 --> 00:20:31.836 No, he didn't. 00:20:31.836 --> 00:20:35.217 He didn't want to live with crazy anymore. 00:20:35.217 --> 00:20:37.049 All right, it's not abandonment. 00:20:37.049 --> 00:20:38.856 So you don't have the right to remarry. 00:20:38.856 --> 00:20:44.241 It is when, very clear it is when you are seeking to serve the Lord with all your heart. 00:20:44.241 --> 00:20:50.681 You are seeking to love God, you are gentle and kind and tender hearted with your spouse. 00:20:50.681 --> 00:21:01.155 You are self sacrificing for your spouse, but your spouse wants nothing to do with you and he or she abandoned you. 00:21:01.155 --> 00:21:02.513 Jesus says you were free. 00:21:02.513 --> 00:21:04.299 You're free in that. 00:21:04.410 --> 00:21:12.240 Now I want to deal with one other, one other topic here, because I get at when I talk about this text. 00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:16.320 I've been asked from time to time what about domestic violence? 00:21:16.320 --> 00:21:22.281 The Bible doesn't address it in relation to adult or divorce. 00:21:22.281 --> 00:21:25.877 There are thoughts from different pastors. 00:21:25.877 --> 00:21:28.477 The disagreement on this. 00:21:28.477 --> 00:21:47.163 First and foremost, what we would all agree on is that if you're going through some kind of domestic violence verbal, sexual or physical abuse, abuse you need to get to safety, and we have resources here that we can point you to where we can help you get to safety. 00:21:47.163 --> 00:21:57.480 Beyond that, my take is that you would be free to divorce your spouse for this, because I look at it as abandonment. 00:21:57.480 --> 00:21:58.970 I don't see anything. 00:21:58.970 --> 00:22:09.789 I can't imagine anything worse from the than your wife, who you're supposed to love and cherish, of degrading and beating in any way or abusing your spouse. 00:22:09.789 --> 00:22:12.703 Now, that is not. 00:22:12.703 --> 00:22:15.464 That's just my thoughts and I think I'm right in that. 00:22:15.464 --> 00:22:19.663 But I may not be Okay, so just understand that. 00:22:19.663 --> 00:22:23.586 But I get answered that or questioned about that all the time, so I wanted to address it. 00:22:25.955 --> 00:22:41.757 So the disciples hear all this and they hear if you get, if you get, divorce for any other reasons, for any other reason besides adultery or we know later, abandonment, if you get divorced for any other reason, you have no right to get remarried and if you do, you commit adultery. 00:22:41.757 --> 00:22:43.965 Now the disciples are hearing all this. 00:22:43.965 --> 00:22:44.410 I love this. 00:22:44.410 --> 00:22:45.556 Look at their response. 00:22:45.556 --> 00:22:54.795 The disciples said to him if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. 00:22:54.795 --> 00:22:56.299 Do you see what they're doing? 00:22:56.299 --> 00:22:59.109 The disciples know something Marriage is difficult. 00:22:59.190 --> 00:23:00.190 Some of them are married. 00:23:00.190 --> 00:23:01.355 They have friends who are married. 00:23:01.355 --> 00:23:03.866 It's difficult, is it not? 00:23:03.866 --> 00:23:07.961 Come on, I know your spouse is sitting next to you, but is it not challenging at times? 00:23:07.961 --> 00:23:11.096 Yeah, it is. 00:23:11.096 --> 00:23:15.805 It's meant to be a blessing, but it's two imperfect people living together. 00:23:15.805 --> 00:23:17.289 It's listen, you're going to argue. 00:23:17.289 --> 00:23:18.241 Actually you don't argue. 00:23:18.241 --> 00:23:21.305 If you're a Christian, you have moments of intense Christian fellowship. 00:23:21.305 --> 00:23:24.876 All right, that's how we sanctify our arguments. 00:23:24.876 --> 00:23:27.417 So so we know it's difficult at times. 00:23:27.417 --> 00:23:36.121 That's why Don and Lynn have to teach a course every month helping couples Christian couples a lot of the time who are in their marriages in trouble. 00:23:36.121 --> 00:23:38.769 So it's difficult. 00:23:39.432 --> 00:23:42.545 The disciples hear Jesus' strong stance on divorce and they go. 00:23:42.545 --> 00:23:44.410 You know what, man? 00:23:44.410 --> 00:23:46.075 Sometimes spouses are really mean. 00:23:46.075 --> 00:23:49.233 Sometimes there's irreconcilable differences. 00:23:49.233 --> 00:23:52.294 It just be better then that nobody marries. 00:23:52.294 --> 00:23:57.407 You get what they're saying here and you know. 00:23:57.407 --> 00:24:02.545 I think that's sometimes our culture's response to the difficulty of marriage and high divorce rates. 00:24:02.545 --> 00:24:03.933 Just don't do it. 00:24:03.933 --> 00:24:05.545 Matter of fact, let me just read you. 00:24:05.545 --> 00:24:07.048 This is unreal. 00:24:07.048 --> 00:24:10.977 It's an article from Psychology Today. 00:24:10.977 --> 00:24:13.009 I'll just read you an excerpt. 00:24:15.287 --> 00:24:20.150 Dr Ryan Anderson writes this in an article called Minogamy is outdated. 00:24:20.150 --> 00:24:26.854 All right, here's what he writes we are not designed to be monogamous. 00:24:26.854 --> 00:24:31.055 So many relationships break down because one partner is unfaithful. 00:24:31.055 --> 00:24:32.207 Listen to what he says. 00:24:32.207 --> 00:24:39.192 The thing is, by being sexually faithful, we are going against our hardwired biology. 00:24:39.192 --> 00:24:47.093 He thinks this because we've come from animals, right, and animals aren't, by and large, monogamous. 00:24:47.093 --> 00:24:54.076 So he goes you shouldn't be in a lifelong covenant relationship because it goes against our biology. 00:24:54.076 --> 00:25:02.545 I can just say one word about that Wrong, because we go back to the first pages of our Bible. 00:25:02.545 --> 00:25:04.171 What were we designed for? 00:25:04.171 --> 00:25:08.435 A monogamous relationship, one man, one woman, faithful for life. 00:25:08.435 --> 00:25:10.131 That's what we were designed for. 00:25:10.131 --> 00:25:17.815 Okay, so the disciples are freaked out and they're just like Jesus. 00:25:17.815 --> 00:25:18.436 Man. 00:25:18.436 --> 00:25:19.398 Nobody should get married. 00:25:19.398 --> 00:25:38.973 But listen to Jesus' response, verse 11, he said to them Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given, for there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by man, and there are eunuchs who have been made themselves eunuchs. 00:25:39.034 --> 00:25:43.545 For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, let the one who's able to receive this receive it. 00:25:43.545 --> 00:25:51.374 So, jesus, at the end of this passage he's talking about those who are single, and I want to address that in a second. 00:25:51.374 --> 00:26:00.773 But before he does understand that he is pro marriage, right, like we know that what God has joined together, he's pro marriage. 00:26:00.773 --> 00:26:06.314 And then he says, before he talks about singleness, which Jesus remains single. 00:26:06.314 --> 00:26:08.479 Right, he remains single. 00:26:08.479 --> 00:26:14.171 Before he deals with that, he says not everybody can receive this, not everybody's meant to be single. 00:26:14.171 --> 00:26:20.030 But then he I think he says in essence, some are, and he talks about eunuchs. 00:26:20.766 --> 00:26:22.030 What in the world is going on here? 00:26:22.030 --> 00:26:25.994 I'm not going to address every sentence in that, but he's using the word. 00:26:25.994 --> 00:26:28.372 I want to make this very clear. 00:26:28.372 --> 00:26:34.077 He's using the word unique metaphorically, in other words, he's not promoting castration here. 00:26:34.077 --> 00:26:39.595 All right, this happened to my dog a few weeks ago and I don't recommend it. 00:26:39.595 --> 00:26:44.525 All right, so he's using this, this word unique, metaphorically. 00:26:44.525 --> 00:26:47.752 And what he's saying is at the end of this. 00:26:47.752 --> 00:26:56.698 Here's the point he's making Some, like him, have decided that they are not going to be married. 00:26:56.877 --> 00:26:57.179 Why? 00:26:57.179 --> 00:27:07.114 For the sake of the kingdom of heaven, and I love this because I want to talk to some of you singles in here who who maybe feel like you want to remain single. 00:27:07.114 --> 00:27:12.994 Jesus validates you and I don't feel like we always do a great job of that in the church. 00:27:12.994 --> 00:27:17.332 Jesus validates you and you know the beauty of this. 00:27:17.332 --> 00:27:27.053 He says when you don't have a spouse at home and you don't have to attend to them all the time, when you don't have children, you know what he says. 00:27:27.053 --> 00:27:31.355 He says you can devote yourself even more to the kingdom of God and the work of the ministry. 00:27:31.355 --> 00:27:37.373 So if you're single, god bless you, don't ever feel less. 00:27:39.612 --> 00:27:41.525 You know, I hear people say this old, what was it? 00:27:41.525 --> 00:27:45.311 Jerry Maguire movie, man man card. 00:27:45.311 --> 00:27:48.374 But you, you what? 00:27:48.374 --> 00:27:48.988 You? 00:27:48.988 --> 00:27:51.545 Oh good, you give yours up too. 00:27:51.545 --> 00:27:54.669 Say it out real loud you complete me. 00:27:54.669 --> 00:27:59.174 Brothers and sisters, you don't need a man or woman to complete you. 00:27:59.174 --> 00:28:01.913 Only Jesus Christ can complete you. 00:28:01.913 --> 00:28:05.525 Okay, there we have it. 00:28:05.525 --> 00:28:06.710 What do we do with this? 00:28:06.710 --> 00:28:09.131 What in the world do we do with this? 00:28:09.131 --> 00:28:12.926 Well, here it is, here it is. 00:28:12.926 --> 00:28:16.972 I want you to see that God's way is the best way. 00:28:17.545 --> 00:28:18.568 I don't care what culture says. 00:28:18.568 --> 00:28:32.278 Statistics show that for people who are married, the ones who stay together, or more prosperous or happier, are much better off emotionally, physically. 00:28:32.278 --> 00:28:38.017 Their health is even better in every way when they stay in that committed relationship. 00:28:38.017 --> 00:28:43.026 It's also, we know, much better for your children there are. 00:28:43.026 --> 00:28:48.545 There are heavy consequences to children who come, you know, when you have children and you get divorced. 00:28:48.545 --> 00:28:53.868 And again, I'm not beating anybody up for this, let me just read you. 00:28:55.545 --> 00:29:03.545 This is an excerpt from research that is on the National Library of Medicine website. 00:29:03.545 --> 00:29:06.112 It's a government site, I believe. 00:29:06.112 --> 00:29:07.316 Listen to this. 00:29:07.316 --> 00:29:26.917 Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional and academic well-being. 00:29:26.917 --> 00:29:31.913 That's worth thinking about before you leave your spouse, isn't it? 00:29:31.913 --> 00:29:33.176 Really? 00:29:33.176 --> 00:29:34.910 Is my point in this? 00:29:34.910 --> 00:29:37.487 You know what it is Culture says. 00:29:38.249 --> 00:29:41.036 Culture says, ah, divorce is no big deal. 00:29:41.036 --> 00:29:44.092 Some church people oh, divorce is no big deal. 00:29:44.092 --> 00:29:47.545 Stuff happens, it does happen, but God's way is the best way. 00:29:47.545 --> 00:29:52.497 The culture says, oh, it's better to have multiple partners, you're free that way. 00:29:52.497 --> 00:29:54.212 No, god's way is the best way. 00:29:57.625 --> 00:30:03.795 Some people think, when it comes to the law of God, particularly in the New Testament that God's trying to take our fun away. 00:30:03.795 --> 00:30:05.650 Man, it's just binding. 00:30:05.650 --> 00:30:07.086 It's so outdated, these laws. 00:30:07.086 --> 00:30:09.374 He's not trying to take your fun away. 00:30:09.374 --> 00:30:12.273 He created you and noose flash. 00:30:12.273 --> 00:30:16.451 God knows better than you do what will make you happy, what will satisfy your heart. 00:30:16.451 --> 00:30:24.236 And so he gives us laws, boundaries, just like you do for your children, and they think you're mean and horrible, but you love them and you're protecting them. 00:30:24.236 --> 00:30:26.433 So here here is something. 00:30:26.433 --> 00:30:35.950 They think that God's laws are binding, right, and so this is really interesting Jordan Peterson. 00:30:35.950 --> 00:30:41.335 You should know his name by now Clinical psychologist, brilliant. 00:30:42.527 --> 00:30:55.297 He has a video called the real reason for marriage, and in this he notes that people say they want to leave open the possibility of divorce so they can quote unquote be free. 00:30:55.297 --> 00:30:59.811 Now listen to how he responds you want to be free? 00:30:59.811 --> 00:31:02.333 Eh, really, really. 00:31:02.333 --> 00:31:05.554 So you can't predict anything. 00:31:05.554 --> 00:31:07.873 That's what you're after. 00:31:07.873 --> 00:31:10.354 He demands marriages of Val. 00:31:10.354 --> 00:31:18.565 It says look and I love this I know your trouble and I'm trouble too, so we won't leave, no matter what happens. 00:31:18.565 --> 00:31:19.971 That's what you. 00:31:19.971 --> 00:31:24.051 That's why you take vows in front of everyone, a large crowd, and before the Lord. 00:31:24.051 --> 00:31:26.753 That's why it's supposed to be a sacred act. 00:31:26.753 --> 00:31:28.874 He says what's the alternative? 00:31:28.874 --> 00:31:32.025 Everything is mutable and changeable at any moment. 00:31:32.025 --> 00:31:34.255 Do you really want to live like that? 00:31:34.255 --> 00:31:38.936 He talks about this and this is this is really worth thinking about. 00:31:40.008 --> 00:31:53.833 He says that when you are in a committed marriage, marital relationship without the possibility of divorce, that is the only relationship out of out of it, outside of your relationship with Jesus, that you can actually be your truly so, your true self, 100%. 00:31:53.833 --> 00:32:19.998 If you are dating or you are living with a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, if you're cohabiting, here's what happens you are more broken and messed up than you let on, because you know if you tell the full truth about you, you know there's always a back door and your spouse will run or your excuse me your girlfriend or boyfriend will run, they'll leave. 00:32:19.998 --> 00:32:32.337 And so sometimes you're not even honest with yourself because you don't want to go there, because you know that no one will likely accept you for the real you. 00:32:32.337 --> 00:32:40.017 So you just give them part of you and then you get married and it's like, oh my gosh, this wasn't the guy I dated, right, or the girl I dated. 00:32:41.727 --> 00:32:43.684 But when you're married this is what Peterson says. 00:32:43.684 --> 00:32:47.336 He says when you're married without the possibility of divorce. 00:32:47.336 --> 00:33:03.351 You can let your spouse and this is so unbelievably freeing, you can let your spouse see the deepest, darkest recesses of your heart and know that they're going to love you through it. 00:33:03.351 --> 00:33:12.977 And then, when you see that in your spouse and you're able to share your heart with her and in the malevolence that you're capable of with her Listen, here's what you do. 00:33:12.977 --> 00:33:15.884 You work on it together and you become better. 00:33:15.884 --> 00:33:19.636 Marriage can be transforming and it's a beautiful thing. 00:33:19.884 --> 00:33:36.244 Nikki is the only person, only person on this planet that knows me inside and out, completely, and it's so wonderful because she loves me in spite of the worst of me and I love her in spite of the worst of her, which is very little, by the way. 00:33:36.244 --> 00:33:37.763 God's way is the best way. 00:33:37.763 --> 00:33:51.701 So if you're here today and you're married and maybe your marriage is in trouble, because that happens a lot Look at me, you can make it. 00:33:51.701 --> 00:33:52.083 You can make it. 00:33:52.083 --> 00:33:52.704 You can make it. 00:33:52.704 --> 00:33:56.977 Don't you tell people this every week, don and Lynn, oh, you can make it. 00:33:56.977 --> 00:34:00.444 Can I just be really transparent? 00:34:00.444 --> 00:34:07.010 I've told you this before, but some of you have been telling me that you can make it before, but some of you are new. 00:34:08.485 --> 00:34:09.990 I've been married 25 years now. 00:34:09.990 --> 00:34:17.797 The first more than a decade of my marriage was beyond miserable. 00:34:17.797 --> 00:34:23.371 Nikki and I despised each other and I realized a lot of it. 00:34:23.371 --> 00:34:24.548 I thought it was her, but it was. 00:34:24.548 --> 00:34:25.873 You know, in the way she acted. 00:34:25.873 --> 00:34:29.494 But it was my own immaturity, my selfishness. 00:34:31.244 --> 00:34:32.250 So I came to this point. 00:34:32.250 --> 00:34:35.795 I almost felt like there was too much water under the bridge to stay together. 00:34:35.795 --> 00:34:38.271 But I came to this moment where I said you know what? 00:34:38.271 --> 00:34:40.809 This is not even about just me and her, it's about me and God. 00:34:40.809 --> 00:34:47.135 And I just think, if God can part the Red Sea, surely he can make my marriage a lot better. 00:34:47.135 --> 00:34:49.418 Or do you agree? 00:34:49.418 --> 00:34:50.788 Sometimes we go, go. 00:34:50.788 --> 00:34:51.992