Reader: All right if you would stand for the reading of the Word.
Reader: Today we're going to be in Acts, chapter 15, starting at verse 36.
Reader: And after some days, days Paul said to Barnabas Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaim the word of the Lord and see how they are now.
Reader: .
Reader: Barnabas wantedlled wanted a c to take with .
Reader: John, John called Mark.
Reader: Now.
Reader: Barnabas wanted to take with them.
Reader: John called Mark.
Reader: But Paul thought it best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work.
Reader: And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other.
Reader: Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by his brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Sicilia strengthening the churches.
Pastor Chris May: Amen.
Pastor Chris May: The word of God for the people of God, amen.
Pastor Chris May: It's good to be back.
Pastor Chris May: I so appreciate Pastor Jack and Pastor Ron for filling in for me, didn't they do great?
Pastor Chris May: So appreciate the words that they shared.
Pastor Chris May: You know, within every deep relationship there is conflict.
Pastor Chris May: You know you may come to me and say well, pastor, you know, I've got this friend who I never argue with, and I would just say if that's true, then perhaps your relationship is not quite as deep as what you might think, because conflict in every meaningful relationship is in fact inevitable.
Pastor Chris May: So the question that we must grapple with is not will I experience conflict in this particular relationship, but how will I deal with conflict when it arises?
Pastor Chris May: That's a really important question to think through, because do you know that the health and longevity of your deepest relationships depend on your ability to manage conflict well?
Pastor Chris May: Studies show that an inability to resolve conflict well is a major predictor of marital dissatisfaction and it is a sure road to divorce.
Pastor Chris May: You know, in the church, when you don't handle conflict well with other people, you know what do a lot of people do when they get upset with someone.
Pastor Chris May: Okay, they yell, but in the church.
Pastor Chris May: Usually they just leave.
Pastor Chris May: Yeah, they change churches, that's right.
Pastor Chris May: And then what happens when they go to the next church and somebody hurts their feelings?
Pastor Chris May: The same, and it's this pattern.
Pastor Chris May: And the sad part is, what that does is this it never allows you to be rooted.
Pastor Chris May: A plant that's moved constantly from vineyard to vineyard cannot develop roots and grow into a healthy plant, and so it is with us.
Pastor Chris May: You know, if you leave a church or a relationship every time, you get hurt, you'll never develop deep, meaningful relationships.
Pastor Chris May: There are three ways that we can handle conflict.
Pastor Chris May: All right, these are general categories, and I'm going to illustrate this point by talking about that pesky, infamous check engine light on your dashboard.
Pastor Chris May: Anybody's check engine light on right now.
Pastor Chris May: All right, wow, so this is going to.
Pastor Chris May: This will preach then.
Pastor Chris May: There are three ways you can handle a check engine light.
Pastor Chris May: Number one you can ignore it.
Pastor Chris May: Check engine light number one you can ignore it.
Pastor Chris May: Has anybody here ever even put a little piece of masking tape over it, just so you don't have to look at it?
Pastor Chris May: You know, there's maybe some temporary piece in that, you know, you don't have to think about it.
Pastor Chris May: But I would argue that's not the best way to handle the problem because it's going to lead to serious issues and your car, frankly, won't last as long as it might otherwise.
Pastor Chris May: You know it's the same with conflict.
Pastor Chris May: A lot of people think it's noble to sweep conflict under the rug.
Pastor Chris May: Doesn't work.
Pastor Chris May: They think it'll just magically go away.
Pastor Chris May: But what happens?
Pastor Chris May: It festers and it ends up blowing up at some other time.
Pastor Chris May: So it might be convenient for a while just to ignore a problem.
Pastor Chris May: You know I've had people say to me in the church well, you know, pastor, I don't want to bring anything up, because you know I don't want to address this problem, because you know I don't want to cause problems in the church.
Pastor Chris May: Listen to me, friends, that's not what causes problems in the church.
Pastor Chris May: What causes problems in the church is people who aren't bold enough and courageous enough to deal with issues.
Pastor Chris May: All right, so you can ignore that check engine light.
Pastor Chris May: Number two you can hope I won't ask you to raise your hand here, but you can blow up and kind of punch the dash or even take a hammer to that thing right, bust the light.
Pastor Chris May: And what you've done here is that insult to injury, because not only now do you have an engine problem, but now you got to.
Pastor Chris May: You know, fix that darn dashboard right.
Pastor Chris May: And it's the same in.
Pastor Chris May: You know, conflict managing, conflict, what happens?
Pastor Chris May: Maybe some of you, you're prone to blowing up when you're in this kind of confrontation and that doesn't resolve the problem.
Pastor Chris May: The problem doesn't get resolved.
Pastor Chris May: But then you know, on top of that, what happens You've damaged the other person and you know that other person will quit bringing things to you.
Pastor Chris May: They'll become resentful towards you because they're always scared to bring up an issue.
Pastor Chris May: But there's a third way to handle that check engine light.
Pastor Chris May: What is it?
Pastor Chris May: Yeah, get rid of it.
Pastor Chris May: You take it to a mechanic and you hook one of those computers up to it and you find out what the error is and you fix it.
Pastor Chris May: Now here's the thing with that solution.
Pastor Chris May: It's inconvenient because you might have to take a couple of minutes off work to handle it.
Pastor Chris May: You might even have to be without a car for a few days.
Pastor Chris May: But the payoff is worth it because your car is going to likely last longer and it's going to run better.
Pastor Chris May: And listen, that's how it is in our relationships At home, in the church, when you have ought with your brother, when there's a conflict of tension.
Pastor Chris May: It is inconvenient and it is well, it's uncomfortable, let's say, and difficult to confront that person in a calm way and try to get to the root of the problem.
Pastor Chris May: But I'm telling you, if you handle conflict that way, it will lead to long lasting and healthy relationships.
Pastor Chris May: And, by the way, the Bible doesn't give us an option as to which one of these ways we employ to handle conflict.
Pastor Chris May: Let's go just for a second to Matthew, chapter five, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23.
Pastor Chris May: Chapter 5, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23.
Pastor Chris May: He says if you're offering your gift at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there First, go be reconciled and then come back and offer your gift.
Pastor Chris May: What's Jesus saying there?
Pastor Chris May: Let's just break this down.
Pastor Chris May: It's pretty simple.
Pastor Chris May: What do you do when someone has a problem with you or you have a problem with somebody else?
Pastor Chris May: What do you do you go?
Pastor Chris May: Who do you go to the person?
Pastor Chris May: Let me help you.
Pastor Chris May: Married people, when you're upset with your spouse, don't call your mama.
Pastor Chris May: I'm serious, dear Lord.
Pastor Chris May: I just pray for the prices right now.
Pastor Chris May: Listen, go to that person.
Pastor Chris May: And if you don't go to the person, you know what you're.
Pastor Chris May: You listen, you're going to have to talk it through If you don't go to the person you're going to.
Pastor Chris May: You're going to say something to somebody else.
Pastor Chris May: Okay, you're going to.
Pastor Chris May: Which is gossip, right?
Pastor Chris May: So you go to that person and can I just add one other thing there?
Pastor Chris May: Don't text them.
Pastor Chris May: Oh, my goodness, this happens to me all the time.
Pastor Chris May: Where people text me problems, a lot of times on Sunday mornings, it's like what in the world?
Pastor Chris May: Come on, people lost their mind, anyways.
Pastor Chris May: So you go to the person and you go to them quickly.
Pastor Chris May: Jesus says this is how important it is.
Pastor Chris May: Let me just apply this to our day.
Pastor Chris May: You're singing praise, you're lifting your hands, you're clapping and you remember you have ought with your brother.
Pastor Chris May: Put your hands down, go out in the foyer, make a phone call, pull somebody else out of it, you know, take your spouse out there, take somebody else you have conflict with, go be reconciled.
Pastor Chris May: Then come back.
Pastor Chris May: Because here's the thing, amen, because here's the thing being in tension, unresolved conflict, here's what it does.
Pastor Chris May: It impacts you, it impacts people around you and it impacts your relationship with God and it needs to be handled quickly.
Pastor Chris May: Now, how many know that's difficult?
Pastor Chris May: Is anybody really good at that.
Pastor Chris May: All right, yeah, conflict resolution is difficult, but here's the great news.
Pastor Chris May: This is what I love about our text today we're not the first generation to struggle with this.
Pastor Chris May: So let me just paint the scene here.
Pastor Chris May: We've been going through the book of Acts and for the last several weeks we've been following the journey of the apostle Paul in Barnabas.
Pastor Chris May: They've gone throughout the ancient world, from city to city, town to town, preaching the gospel.
Pastor Chris May: They're now finished with that first missionary journey.
Pastor Chris May: Do you know?
Pastor Chris May: They've traveled, in two years, about 1,400 miles together by foot.
Pastor Chris May: It's wild.
Pastor Chris May: What have they seen?
Pastor Chris May: Well, from town to town, as they preach the gospel, they've seen revival break out in cities.
Pastor Chris May: That's cool.
Pastor Chris May: They've seen thousands of people come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, and so they've celebrated all of these great victories together.
Pastor Chris May: They've also, you know, they've gotten each other through some hard times, because it wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows, this journey.
Pastor Chris May: What happened?
Pastor Chris May: Well, the traveling was very dangerous.
Pastor Chris May: They had to deal with lions, tigers and bears.
Pastor Chris May: There you go.
Pastor Chris May: Really, it was very, very dangerous traveling conditions, rough terrain, bandits and wild animals, terrain, bandits and wild animals.
Pastor Chris May: And so, as they traveled, you know they'd get to a city and then you know they experienced persecution, stoned, maligned, and they were there for each other and they've stood together and they've helped each other.
Pastor Chris May: The point is, you know, paul and Barnabas seem, up to this point, to be like peanut butter and jelly grippos and beer cheese.
Pastor Chris May: Come on, somebody, l8 and Everything.
Pastor Chris May: Right answer, right answer.
Pastor Chris May: So, because they're so close.
Pastor Chris May: Here's what happens, guys.
Pastor Chris May: We get to verse 39, and I want you to read this and there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other.
Pastor Chris May: Isn't this wild?
Pastor Chris May: After all that they've been through, they have this intense dispute, but here's the crazy thing, they don't do a good job with handling it.
Pastor Chris May: It's so bad that they have to split up.
Pastor Chris May: And I love this because, you know, the Bible is so honest, both in the Old Testament and New Testament.
Pastor Chris May: It reminds us that the early church, you know, was not made up of superhuman people Beloved.
Pastor Chris May: These are ordinary men and women that God used in a profound way, which ought to give us great encouragement.
Pastor Chris May: Because how many have messed up in the area of conflict management before?
Pastor Chris May: How many have done that this week?
Pastor Chris May: Let's just be honest, all right.
Pastor Chris May: So through this text, I want to help us in this, because this will change your life.
Pastor Chris May: I mean, what would your marriage look like if you learn to handle conflict better?
Pastor Chris May: What would your church relationships look like if you can manage conflict well?
Pastor Chris May: And so let's unpack what's going on here.
Pastor Chris May: So I'll take you back to Acts, chapter 13.
Pastor Chris May: You remember, paul and Barnabas are with a bunch of believers in Antioch.
Pastor Chris May: They're having church, they're praying and they're fasting.
Pastor Chris May: And what happens?
Pastor Chris May: The Holy Spirit speaks.
Pastor Chris May: And the Holy Spirit leads the church to call out and to send out Paul and Barnabas on this journey.
Pastor Chris May: Well, paul and Barnabas, they know it's going to be a long and hard journey.
Pastor Chris May: So they say well, we need some help.
Pastor Chris May: So they recruit this man by the name of John Mark.
Pastor Chris May: Now, you need to know this John Mark is the cousin of Barnabas.
Pastor Chris May: Might be some nepotism here, I'm not sure.
Pastor Chris May: So John Mark goes with Paul and Barnabas on this journey.
Pastor Chris May: And then in Acts, chapter 13, verse 13,.
Pastor Chris May: Here's what happens John Mark decides, pretty close to the front of this mission, and I'm done, I can't handle this, I'm out, and he goes to his mommy's house back in Jerusalem.
Pastor Chris May: That's what happens.
Pastor Chris May: And he abandons Paul and Barnabas in their time of need.
Pastor Chris May: So here comes the dispute.
Pastor Chris May: They're now done with that first missionary journey and they're getting ready to retrace their steps to go back and disciple the churches.
Pastor Chris May: And so, before they set out, look at verse 37.
Pastor Chris May: Here's the argument.
Pastor Chris May: Now, barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark, his cousin, right, but Paul thought it best not to take with them the one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work.
Pastor Chris May: You'll remember that Barnabas's name means son of what Encouragement.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the thing here is that Barnabas is concerned about the person, but Paul is concerned about the mission.
Pastor Chris May: And you say well, which is right.
Pastor Chris May: And I would just say they're both right.
Pastor Chris May: I believe we serve a God of second chances, but I also believe that we need people in ministry we can count on.
Pastor Chris May: Come on, so they begin arguing about this.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the good they do confront the problem, but I would argue they don't confront the problem in the right way.
Pastor Chris May: Conflict resolution hear me, it demands confrontation.
Pastor Chris May: You've heard me say this love demands confrontation, love demands confrontation.
Pastor Chris May: We have got to love in the church each other enough to confront one another when there's a problem, because how else are we going to grow, how else are we going to change, how else are we going to repent if we're not brave enough and loving enough to confront one another in those conflicts?
Pastor Chris May: You know, proverbs 27, 6 says Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Pastor Chris May: I don't know about you, but I am so grateful that I have a few people in my life who don't just tell me what I want to hear, but will speak into my life in love and tell me the truth when I need to hear it most, especially when I might be going astray.
Pastor Chris May: So Paul and Barnabas confront one another, but they don't do it in a perfect way.
Pastor Chris May: So I want to just quickly give you a few principles for how to confront people in the right way that's going to help you at home, at church, at work, everywhere you go.
Pastor Chris May: And the first is this healthy confrontation must be counterbalanced with encouragement.
Pastor Chris May: It must be counterbalanced with consistent encouragement.
Pastor Chris May: Here's what I love about this text.
Pastor Chris May: Do you know, when you read the story of Paul and Barnabas, this is the first record of a major dispute between these two men.
Pastor Chris May: They've been together for now over two years, and they have loved each other and encouraged each other and supported each other, and that is so important.
Pastor Chris May: Jesus.
Pastor Chris May: How many of you know that Jesus occasionally rebuked the disciples, especially Peter?
Pastor Chris May: He was always in the woodshed.
Pastor Chris May: Come on, anybody relate to Peter?
Pastor Chris May: Peter was always in the woodshed.
Pastor Chris May: But here's the great thing Peter didn't have to doubt God's love, jesus' love for him, because Jesus, by and large, spent the majority of his time pouring in and encouraging and blessing these disciples.
Pastor Chris May: And that is so important that we get this balance of positive and negative interactions right.
Pastor Chris May: There's a leading researcher on marriage and relationship.
Pastor Chris May: His name is John Gottman and he found that the healthiest relationships have hear this five positive interactions to one negative interaction.
Pastor Chris May: Did you get that?
Pastor Chris May: Married people, you ought to be having one fight for every five positive interactions, all right.
Pastor Chris May: So Dr Jordan Peterson, he kind of springboarded off Gottman's research and he talked about this within the context of marriage.
Pastor Chris May: And here's what his research found.
Pastor Chris May: He said that in marriage, if the positivity ratio falls below 5 to 1, the relationship itself just becomes a negative experience.
Pastor Chris May: And maybe that's like if you're at home and you're fighting all the time, like that's horrible for you, it causes marital dissatisfaction and, by the way, it's horrible for your kids.
Pastor Chris May: So he says that you know, you've got to have at least this five to one positivity ratio.
Pastor Chris May: But here's what's interesting Do you know that if the ratio extends above 11 to 1, that your marriage is in threat of falling apart?
Pastor Chris May: Like if you don't have one argument disagreement for every 11 positive interactions.
Pastor Chris May: That's a sign your marriage is in trouble.
Pastor Chris May: And you say, well why?
Pastor Chris May: Well, some confrontation is necessary to deepen the relationship, to cause resilience and to grow.
Pastor Chris May: Like I know, you think that you want a spouse whom you never spar with, but research shows the healthiest marriages are made up of two people who speak truth and have overwhelmingly positive interactions, but aren't afraid of those negative interactions that they do spar every now and then, and that is how the relationship deepens and how it grows.
Pastor Chris May: Are you with me?
Pastor Chris May: Here's the point that I want to make here Don't think of conflict as being a negative thing.
Pastor Chris May: Don't have a fight this week and go oh, our marriage is over and this is horrible.
Pastor Chris May: We're not meant to be together.
Pastor Chris May: But also don't be petty, okay.
Pastor Chris May: So everybody, listen to me Women, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag your husband all week, all right.
Pastor Chris May: And man, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag at your wives all week.
Pastor Chris May: Had to throw that in there, get me out of hot water.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the thing, guys.
Pastor Chris May: This is not a call to every little.
Pastor Chris May: You know every time we're bugged or irritated at all that we got to sit down and have this long drawn-out conversation or speak our mind.
Pastor Chris May: It's not that.
Pastor Chris May: But when there are true concerns, true problems, we need to love each other enough to deal with those.
Pastor Chris May: And then this means also we've got to be very intentional about our positive interactions.
Pastor Chris May: 1 Thessalonians 5.11,.
Pastor Chris May: Encourage one another and build one another up.
Pastor Chris May: So in the church, how are you going to handle problems when they arise?
Pastor Chris May: How are you not going to leave when you get your little feelings hurt?
Pastor Chris May: I'll tell you how, because you're going to be intentional about encouraging one another all year.
Pastor Chris May: So when one thing happens with somebody, it doesn't break you.
Pastor Chris May: Are you with me?
Pastor Chris May: Healthy confrontation also has to be approached with humility, and here's what that means.
Pastor Chris May: Number one you own your part of the conflict.
Pastor Chris May: You own your part of the conflict.
Pastor Chris May: You know John Mark.
Pastor Chris May: We don't know why he abandoned Paul and Barnabas, but we do know this.
Pastor Chris May: You can look at this later, but Acts 12, I believe verse 12, is the first mention we have of John Mark, and we find out that he's still living with mama.
Pastor Chris May: She has a house in Jerusalem and she often houses and holds meetings for the church leaders there in Jerusalem.
Pastor Chris May: But John Mark, he was old enough to travel, but he was still young enough where he could still live under mother's roof.
Pastor Chris May: His father had passed away at this point, so scholars estimate he was probably between 17 and 25 years old.
Pastor Chris May: And so here's what I wonder.
Pastor Chris May: It is certainly on John Mark that he abandoned Paul and Barnabas.
Pastor Chris May: He made a commitment and he didn't hold up to it.
Pastor Chris May: That's wrong, not excusable.
Pastor Chris May: However, I thought about this week.
Pastor Chris May: I thought I wonder what Paul and Barnabas brought to the table.
Pastor Chris May: I mean, here's a guy, he's a kid, he's inexperienced.
Pastor Chris May: I'll tell you this One of the worst things that ever happened to me in my life is that I was invited to be a pastor at 22 years old.
Pastor Chris May: I was called but I wasn't ready, and I wonder if Paul and Barnabas should have used a little more wisdom.
Pastor Chris May: And so you know what?
Pastor Chris May: I don't know if John Mark's ready yet.
Pastor Chris May: Maybe he needs some training, preparation.
Pastor Chris May: But here's the other thing.
Pastor Chris May: So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1 and following, but here's the other thing.
Pastor Chris May: So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1, and following that, the church hears from the Holy Spirit that two men are to be sent out.
Pastor Chris May: Who are those?
Pastor Chris May: Paul and Barnabas?
Pastor Chris May: Notice who's not there.
Pastor Chris May: I just wonder if it wasn't the Lord's will for John Mark to go.
Pastor Chris May: We don't know, but here's the point.
Pastor Chris May: I wonder how this conflict or this confrontation would have gone if Paul or Barnabas simply said you know what?
Pastor Chris May: Some of this is my fault, what John Mark did, you know.
Pastor Chris May: Here's the thing.
Pastor Chris May: This is something I've learned, that you know in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table.
Pastor Chris May: You know, in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table.
Pastor Chris May: It's the fault of Now.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the thing.
Pastor Chris May: It might be 95% the other person's fault, but you want, you know, confrontation that goes well.
Pastor Chris May: Here's what you do.
Pastor Chris May: Great tip you.
Pastor Chris May: Before taking the speck out of your brother's eye, you remove the log in yours, you say hey, I'm sorry for this part.
Pastor Chris May: You know you own your 5%.
Pastor Chris May: And then you address the 95% of the other person Are you with me?
Pastor Chris May: Take that at me, all right.
Pastor Chris May: So humility, you know it says maybe I done some wrong here, but it also involves listening.
Pastor Chris May: How many of you have ever been in an argument, maybe this is you and the person you can tell they're not listening to you.
Pastor Chris May: They're just waiting to respond.
Pastor Chris May: They cut you off and you can see they're even look.
Pastor Chris May: You know how you can tell somebody's kind of looking to the side.
Pastor Chris May: They're just ready, man, they can't wait for you to stop talking.
Pastor Chris May: So they can, you know, go right back and come right back with something more intelligent.
Pastor Chris May: You know, let me read you.
Pastor Chris May: Well, you know this verse James 1, 19.
Pastor Chris May: Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, how you doing.
Pastor Chris May: Proverbs 18, 2.
Pastor Chris May: I love this verse.
Pastor Chris May: A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
Pastor Chris May: You know, a lot of people confront problems to win, to win an argument.
Pastor Chris May: If that's the reason you confront a problem in your marriage, or at church or at work, listen, none of you win.
Pastor Chris May: Confronting a problem is not about winning, it's about finding a solution, it's about negotiating.
Pastor Chris May: So healthy confrontation is approached with humility, but it's also, you know, what?
Pastor Chris May: Do you notice anything missing from this text?
Pastor Chris May: What don't Paul and Barnabas do?
Pastor Chris May: They don't pray.
Pastor Chris May: No-transcript is to pray with that other person.
Pastor Chris May: Cover that confrontation in prayer and I'll say this it's really hard to yell and scream at somebody.
Pastor Chris May: You've just prayed for Healthy confrontation that also keeps emotions in check.
Pastor Chris May: I'm going to step on some toes right here.
Pastor Chris May: Look at verse 39 again.
Pastor Chris May: And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other.
Pastor Chris May: Now I want you to really notice, maybe underline that phrase sharp disagreement.
Pastor Chris May: The English translation doesn't convey the force of the phrase in the Greek.
Pastor Chris May: The Greek word is pyroxosmos.
Pastor Chris May: Yeah, I totally said that correctly.
Pastor Chris May: All right, that's where we derive our English word paroxysm, which means a sudden outburst.
Pastor Chris May: Did anybody use that word this week?
Pastor Chris May: So in the medical field, a paroxysm is a sudden worsening of symptoms.
Pastor Chris May: In an emotional state, it is a sudden outburst of feelings, particularly of anger and rage.
Pastor Chris May: Anybody have an emotional paroxysm this last week?
Pastor Chris May: All right, I don't blame you for not raising your hands.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the point, guys.
Pastor Chris May: This is crazy for not raising your hands.
Pastor Chris May: So here's the point, guys.
Pastor Chris May: This is crazy.
Pastor Chris May: Paul and Barnabas, these great missionaries in church planters they're the one you know, paul, who wrote two-thirds of our New Testament.
Pastor Chris May: They blow up.
Pastor Chris May: Does that not make you feel good?
Pastor Chris May: I mean, honestly, it's crazy to me.
Pastor Chris May: And what's so funny about this is Paul himself.
Pastor Chris May: In Galatians 5.19, remember, he's through 21, he's listing the works of the flesh and in the works of the flesh he lists fits of rage.
Pastor Chris May: And Paul himself must look back to this event and go man, I really botched that situation.
Pastor Chris May: He's the one who says in Ephesians 4, speak the truth in love.
Pastor Chris May: In Ephesians 4, 26, be angry and do not sin.
Pastor Chris May: Which reminds us guys, it's okay to be angry, but don't let anger control you.
Pastor Chris May: The great Billy Graham said hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
Pastor Chris May: You know what uncontrolled outbursts do?
Pastor Chris May: They lead you from attacking the problem to attacking the person Dangerous.
Pastor Chris May: And the aim, what is the aim of healthy confrontation?
Pastor Chris May: It always aims at reconciliation.
Pastor Chris May: And that's the tragedy in verse 39 is that they separated, they separated.
Pastor Chris May: You know I've had people say to me, you know well, you know they've been in maybe marriage counseling or something.
Pastor Chris May: And a guy will say to me you know, I'm miserable, but I'm going to stay married because I don't believe in divorce.
Pastor Chris May: I'm just going to stay.
Pastor Chris May: You know, we'll just kind of stay away from each other, but your covenant isn't just to stay married.
Pastor Chris May: What is it To love and to cherish, to honor, to respect, to stay together for better and for worse, to take care of each other.
Pastor Chris May: See, when you have it out with your spouse maybe there's an extended season of conflict it's not enough to say, well, we're going to stay married.
Pastor Chris May: That's not pleasing to the Lord in and of itself.
Pastor Chris May: He wants you to stay married.
Pastor Chris May: But beyond that, he's saying you know what we're going to do, whatever we can to be reconciled.
Pastor Chris May: And that is the same in the church.
Pastor Chris May: Listen to me, please, listen to me please.
Pastor Chris May: 95% of the time, my experience in church ministry, almost without fail.
Pastor Chris May: Somebody gets their feelings hurt and they leave.
Pastor Chris May: Now, even if you leave, here's what I would say.
Pastor Chris May: First of all, I wouldn't leave for that reason.
Pastor Chris May: But secondly, you better deal with the conflict before you leave, because the way you leave here is the way you'll enter the next church.
Pastor Chris May: We always ought to be reconciled.
Pastor Chris May: Now, here's the beauty of the story.
Pastor Chris May: Do you know that?
Pastor Chris May: Eventually we know that Paul and Barnabas reconciled because Paul affirms his ministry in 1 Corinthians 9, 6.
Pastor Chris May: And John Mark even gets on Paul's good side.
Pastor Chris May: So in 2 Timothy, paul is writing his letter while he's on death row.
Pastor Chris May: And here's what he writes to his apprentice Timothy.
Pastor Chris May: He says Luke alone is with me.
Pastor Chris May: Get Mark, that is, john Mark, and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me.
Pastor Chris May: The Bible commands us to pursue reconciliation.
Pastor Chris May: Now let me make one more point before my closing.
Pastor Chris May: It's this let's just read these last two verses Verse 39, the second part Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Cilicia strengthening the churches.
Pastor Chris May: Here's what I love, I believe, with all my heart.
Pastor Chris May: Paul and Barnabas failed miserably in this episode, but ministry continued.
Pastor Chris May: Ministry continued.
Pastor Chris May: And here's what I want you to know, beloved Listen, some of you have messed up royally in this area or another area.
Pastor Chris May: We all fail, but today's a new day.
Pastor Chris May: God's grace is sufficient and I would just say, particularly when it comes to conflict, don't let past hurts keep you from moving forward in what God has called you to do.
Pastor Chris May: You know, there are people who have been wounded by another church member or even, sadly, a pastor, before and now they're sitting at home or maybe they're in church, but they're guarded and they're isolated lest they become vulnerable and open themselves up to hurt again.
Pastor Chris May: This, friends, listen, this confrontation and reconciliation, it's not optional, and here's the thing it's not even ultimately about you, it's about the Lord Jesus Christ In 2 Corinthians, 5, 18 and 19,.
Pastor Chris May: It says all this is from God, who, through Christ, reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.
Pastor Chris May: Do you know that the greatest reconciliation every human being needs is reconciliation with God?
Pastor Chris May: And the Lord Jesus Christ came in fact, by his own life to reconcile us to the Father.
Pastor Chris May: And for those of us this is what Paul is saying here, for those of us who have been reconciled we are to also give this message of reconciliation to others.
Pastor Chris May: In other words, we're to preach the gospel, but the gospel but the gospel it's very clear in scripture doesn't just reconcile us to God, but it reconciles us one to another.
Pastor Chris May: And how can we preach a message of reconciliation when we can't even get along amongst ourselves?
Pastor Chris May: So I'm going to ask you this week, very easy, do you mind to come up?
Pastor Chris May: Very easy, I want to give you a task here.
Pastor Chris May: It is If you've got a conflict that you've not addressed, address it this week and address it in love.
Pastor Chris May: And you say how can I do that?
Pastor Chris May: Here's the great thing.
Pastor Chris May: What I've preached today is not easy.
Pastor Chris May: I know it's not even a shouting message, it sounds more like a self-help message.
Pastor Chris May: But it's the Bible and it's something we need.
Pastor Chris May: Because here's the thing this will revolutionize all of your relationships if you apply what I've preached today.
Pastor Chris May: But this you're not alone in this.
Pastor Chris May: What do you need to make this happen?
Pastor Chris May: You need the Holy Spirit.
Pastor Chris May: Because what do you need to confront somebody in love?
Pastor Chris May: You first of all need boldness and courage.
Pastor Chris May: Well, haven't we seen that through the book of Acts, people are filled with the Spirit and they're all of a sudden courageous and they're bold.
Pastor Chris May: But you don't just need boldness and courage.
Pastor Chris May: What else do you need?
Pastor Chris May: Kindness, love, gentleness, patience.
Pastor Chris May: Sound familiar?
Pastor Chris May: That's the fruit of what the Spirit.
Pastor Chris May: You're not alone in this.
Pastor Chris May: This takes the Holy Spirit to accomplish.
Pastor Chris May: So you pray, you saturate everything in prayer that you do, especially when it comes to conflict.
Pastor Chris May: You seek God and you yield yourself to the Spirit and he's going to help you in this.
Pastor Chris May: So this week, man, make it right with somebody and do it quickly.
Pastor Chris May: I'll close with this story.
Pastor Chris May: There's a book called.
Pastor Chris May: It's a kid's book.
Pastor Chris May: It's called there's no Such Thing as a Dragon.
Pastor Chris May: It's by Jack Kent and I was unfamiliar with this book, but I was listening to Jordan Peterson, several years ago actually, and he used this book as an illustration, and so I actually read it.
Pastor Chris May: It took me about a year, but I got through it.
Pastor Chris May: Here's the story.
Pastor Chris May: This is so good.
Pastor Chris May: So Billy Bixby wakes up one morning to find a small kitten-sized dragon on his bed and he pets the dragon and he goes downstairs excited and says mom, there's a dragon in my room.
Pastor Chris May: And she says, billy, there's no such thing as a dragon.
Pastor Chris May: Well, because the mom ignored the dragon, billy decides well, I'll just ignore the dragon too.
Pastor Chris May: So he went back upstairs and the dragon began to follow him around.
Pastor Chris May: But every time Billy ignored it the dragon would get just a little bit bigger.
Pastor Chris May: So Billy went back downstairs and he had a stack of pancakes there and he started eating.
Pastor Chris May: And all of a sudden he notices the dragon has gotten quite a bit larger.
Pastor Chris May: Its head is in the living room, its body, you know, in the kitchen.
Pastor Chris May: He says it's mom, there's a dragon.
Pastor Chris May: It's grown, billy, there's no such thing as a dragon.
Pastor Chris May: So Billy continues to ignore the dragon and he goes about his day.
Pastor Chris May: But the dragon gets larger and larger and it starts to fill multiple rooms almost completely.
Pastor Chris May: It made housework almost impossible.
Pastor Chris May: Everybody's having to step over the dragon.
Pastor Chris May: Mom, mom, the dragon's growing.
Pastor Chris May: He's filling rooms.
Pastor Chris May: Billy, don't be silly, there's no such thing as a dragon.
Pastor Chris May: Finally, the dragon has grown to an absurd height and all of a sudden there's a bread truck that drives by and the dragon gets a whiff of it.
Pastor Chris May: The dragon's hungry, and so the dragon gets up and he chases the bread truck down the street carrying the Bixby house on his back.
Pastor Chris May: Dad pulls up a little bit later and he sees his house is down the street and he gets out and then he asks the mother.
Pastor Chris May: He says what happened?
Pastor Chris May: He gets out and he asks the mother.
Pastor Chris May: He says what happened?
Pastor Chris May: What happened?
Pastor Chris May: Well, billy chimes in and he says dad, it was the dragon.
Pastor Chris May: And finally the mother, unable to ignore reality any longer, admits that she sees the dragon too.
Pastor Chris May: And what's interesting here in the story is that as soon as the dragon is acknowledged, it begins to shrink back down to kitten size.
Pastor Chris May: Billy pets it and his mom says you know, I don't mind dragons this size.
Pastor Chris May: And Billy replies I think it just wanted to be noticed.
Pastor Chris May: And I give you that illustration to say this.
Pastor Chris May: And I give you that illustration to say this, to plead with you to deal with problems while they are manageable.
Pastor Chris May: The longer you wait, the more they will grow.
Pastor Chris May: And I would just beg you, don't ignore the dragon of conflict.
Pastor Chris May: It only grows until it will carry your house away.