WEBVTT 00:00:00.860 --> 00:00:03.149 All right if you would stand for the reading of the Word. 00:00:03.149 --> 00:00:08.992 Today we're going to be in Acts, chapter 15, starting at verse 36. 00:00:08.992 --> 00:00:21.600 And after some days, days Paul said to Barnabas Let us return and visit the brothers in every city where we proclaim the word of the Lord and see how they are now. 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:21.600 . 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:23.446 Barnabas wantedlled wanted a c to take with . 00:00:23.446 --> 00:00:24.629 John, John called Mark. 00:00:27.260 --> 00:00:27.381 Now. 00:00:27.381 --> 00:00:29.044 Barnabas wanted to take with them. 00:00:29.044 --> 00:00:29.445 John called Mark. 00:00:29.445 --> 00:00:34.640 But Paul thought it best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:39.750 And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. 00:00:39.750 --> 00:00:56.811 Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by his brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Sicilia strengthening the churches. 00:00:58.701 --> 00:00:59.023 Amen. 00:00:59.023 --> 00:01:02.820 The word of God for the people of God, amen. 00:01:02.820 --> 00:01:11.751 It's good to be back. 00:01:11.751 --> 00:01:18.784 I so appreciate Pastor Jack and Pastor Ron for filling in for me, didn't they do great? 00:01:18.784 --> 00:01:23.174 So appreciate the words that they shared. 00:01:23.174 --> 00:01:30.296 So appreciate the words that they shared. 00:01:33.959 --> 00:01:35.563 You know, within every deep relationship there is conflict. 00:01:35.563 --> 00:01:56.623 You know you may come to me and say well, pastor, you know, I've got this friend who I never argue with, and I would just say if that's true, then perhaps your relationship is not quite as deep as what you might think, because conflict in every meaningful relationship is in fact inevitable. 00:01:56.623 --> 00:02:09.784 So the question that we must grapple with is not will I experience conflict in this particular relationship, but how will I deal with conflict when it arises? 00:02:09.784 --> 00:02:29.256 That's a really important question to think through, because do you know that the health and longevity of your deepest relationships depend on your ability to manage conflict well? 00:02:29.256 --> 00:02:41.389 Studies show that an inability to resolve conflict well is a major predictor of marital dissatisfaction and it is a sure road to divorce. 00:02:41.389 --> 00:02:51.990 You know, in the church, when you don't handle conflict well with other people, you know what do a lot of people do when they get upset with someone. 00:02:51.990 --> 00:02:55.824 Okay, they yell, but in the church. 00:02:55.824 --> 00:02:57.086 Usually they just leave. 00:02:57.086 --> 00:02:59.939 Yeah, they change churches, that's right. 00:02:59.939 --> 00:03:03.724 And then what happens when they go to the next church and somebody hurts their feelings? 00:03:03.724 --> 00:03:06.187 The same, and it's this pattern. 00:03:06.187 --> 00:03:13.156 And the sad part is, what that does is this it never allows you to be rooted. 00:03:13.156 --> 00:03:30.841 A plant that's moved constantly from vineyard to vineyard cannot develop roots and grow into a healthy plant, and so it is with us. 00:03:30.841 --> 00:03:35.712 You know, if you leave a church or a relationship every time, you get hurt, you'll never develop deep, meaningful relationships. 00:03:35.712 --> 00:03:40.084 There are three ways that we can handle conflict. 00:03:40.084 --> 00:03:51.317 All right, these are general categories, and I'm going to illustrate this point by talking about that pesky, infamous check engine light on your dashboard. 00:03:51.317 --> 00:03:53.145 Anybody's check engine light on right now. 00:03:53.145 --> 00:03:56.343 All right, wow, so this is going to. 00:03:56.343 --> 00:03:57.348 This will preach then. 00:03:57.348 --> 00:04:01.110 There are three ways you can handle a check engine light. 00:04:01.110 --> 00:04:02.385 Number one you can ignore it. 00:04:02.385 --> 00:04:07.075 Check engine light number one you can ignore it. 00:04:07.075 --> 00:04:13.627 Has anybody here ever even put a little piece of masking tape over it, just so you don't have to look at it? 00:04:13.627 --> 00:04:18.884 You know, there's maybe some temporary piece in that, you know, you don't have to think about it. 00:04:18.884 --> 00:04:29.293 But I would argue that's not the best way to handle the problem because it's going to lead to serious issues and your car, frankly, won't last as long as it might otherwise. 00:04:29.293 --> 00:04:31.747 You know it's the same with conflict. 00:04:33.300 --> 00:04:37.129 A lot of people think it's noble to sweep conflict under the rug. 00:04:37.129 --> 00:04:39.252 Doesn't work. 00:04:39.252 --> 00:04:41.266 They think it'll just magically go away. 00:04:41.266 --> 00:04:42.028 But what happens? 00:04:42.028 --> 00:04:47.882 It festers and it ends up blowing up at some other time. 00:04:47.882 --> 00:04:52.096 So it might be convenient for a while just to ignore a problem. 00:04:52.117 --> 00:05:03.211 You know I've had people say to me in the church well, you know, pastor, I don't want to bring anything up, because you know I don't want to address this problem, because you know I don't want to cause problems in the church. 00:05:03.211 --> 00:05:07.187 Listen to me, friends, that's not what causes problems in the church. 00:05:07.187 --> 00:05:13.065 What causes problems in the church is people who aren't bold enough and courageous enough to deal with issues. 00:05:13.065 --> 00:05:17.242 All right, so you can ignore that check engine light. 00:05:17.242 --> 00:05:25.466 Number two you can hope I won't ask you to raise your hand here, but you can blow up and kind of punch the dash or even take a hammer to that thing right, bust the light. 00:05:25.466 --> 00:05:33.084 And what you've done here is that insult to injury, because not only now do you have an engine problem, but now you got to. 00:05:33.084 --> 00:05:35.949 You know, fix that darn dashboard right. 00:05:35.949 --> 00:05:39.081 And it's the same in. 00:05:39.322 --> 00:05:41.665 You know, conflict managing, conflict, what happens? 00:05:41.665 --> 00:05:52.610 Maybe some of you, you're prone to blowing up when you're in this kind of confrontation and that doesn't resolve the problem. 00:05:52.610 --> 00:05:55.420 The problem doesn't get resolved. 00:05:55.420 --> 00:06:06.680 But then you know, on top of that, what happens You've damaged the other person and you know that other person will quit bringing things to you. 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:13.353 They'll become resentful towards you because they're always scared to bring up an issue. 00:06:13.353 --> 00:06:17.591 But there's a third way to handle that check engine light. 00:06:17.591 --> 00:06:18.012 What is it? 00:06:18.012 --> 00:06:22.786 Yeah, get rid of it. 00:06:22.786 --> 00:06:34.942 You take it to a mechanic and you hook one of those computers up to it and you find out what the error is and you fix it. 00:06:34.942 --> 00:06:37.827 Now here's the thing with that solution. 00:06:37.827 --> 00:06:42.846 It's inconvenient because you might have to take a couple of minutes off work to handle it. 00:06:42.846 --> 00:06:46.423 You might even have to be without a car for a few days. 00:06:46.423 --> 00:06:52.704 But the payoff is worth it because your car is going to likely last longer and it's going to run better. 00:06:53.064 --> 00:07:02.569 And listen, that's how it is in our relationships At home, in the church, when you have ought with your brother, when there's a conflict of tension. 00:07:02.569 --> 00:07:13.600 It is inconvenient and it is well, it's uncomfortable, let's say, and difficult to confront that person in a calm way and try to get to the root of the problem. 00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:24.130 But I'm telling you, if you handle conflict that way, it will lead to long lasting and healthy relationships. 00:07:24.130 --> 00:07:37.315 And, by the way, the Bible doesn't give us an option as to which one of these ways we employ to handle conflict. 00:07:37.315 --> 00:07:44.853 Let's go just for a second to Matthew, chapter five, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23. 00:07:44.853 --> 00:07:50.704 Chapter 5, and look at Jesus' familiar words in verse 23. 00:07:50.704 --> 00:08:05.211 He says if you're offering your gift at the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there First, go be reconciled and then come back and offer your gift. 00:08:05.211 --> 00:08:07.355 What's Jesus saying there? 00:08:07.355 --> 00:08:08.161 Let's just break this down. 00:08:08.161 --> 00:08:08.882 It's pretty simple. 00:08:09.264 --> 00:08:13.442 What do you do when someone has a problem with you or you have a problem with somebody else? 00:08:13.442 --> 00:08:16.867 What do you do you go? 00:08:16.867 --> 00:08:19.673 Who do you go to the person? 00:08:19.673 --> 00:08:20.834 Let me help you. 00:08:20.834 --> 00:08:24.949 Married people, when you're upset with your spouse, don't call your mama. 00:08:24.949 --> 00:08:34.900 I'm serious, dear Lord. 00:08:34.900 --> 00:08:37.144 I just pray for the prices right now. 00:08:38.004 --> 00:08:39.908 Listen, go to that person. 00:08:39.908 --> 00:08:42.370 And if you don't go to the person, you know what you're. 00:08:42.370 --> 00:08:46.942 You listen, you're going to have to talk it through If you don't go to the person you're going to. 00:08:46.942 --> 00:08:49.529 You're going to say something to somebody else. 00:08:49.529 --> 00:08:51.022 Okay, you're going to. 00:08:51.022 --> 00:08:52.206 Which is gossip, right? 00:08:52.206 --> 00:08:56.347 So you go to that person and can I just add one other thing there? 00:08:56.347 --> 00:08:58.234 Don't text them. 00:08:58.234 --> 00:09:01.604 Oh, my goodness, this happens to me all the time. 00:09:01.604 --> 00:09:08.845 Where people text me problems, a lot of times on Sunday mornings, it's like what in the world? 00:09:08.845 --> 00:09:12.312 Come on, people lost their mind, anyways. 00:09:12.312 --> 00:09:15.184 So you go to the person and you go to them quickly. 00:09:16.087 --> 00:09:17.874 Jesus says this is how important it is. 00:09:17.874 --> 00:09:21.162 Let me just apply this to our day. 00:09:21.162 --> 00:09:26.008 You're singing praise, you're lifting your hands, you're clapping and you remember you have ought with your brother. 00:09:26.008 --> 00:09:39.024 Put your hands down, go out in the foyer, make a phone call, pull somebody else out of it, you know, take your spouse out there, take somebody else you have conflict with, go be reconciled. 00:09:39.024 --> 00:09:40.086 Then come back. 00:09:40.086 --> 00:09:53.062 Because here's the thing, amen, because here's the thing being in tension, unresolved conflict, here's what it does. 00:09:53.062 --> 00:09:58.313 It impacts you, it impacts people around you and it impacts your relationship with God and it needs to be handled quickly. 00:09:58.313 --> 00:10:01.966 Now, how many know that's difficult? 00:10:01.966 --> 00:10:03.830 Is anybody really good at that. 00:10:03.830 --> 00:10:13.568 All right, yeah, conflict resolution is difficult, but here's the great news. 00:10:13.568 --> 00:10:18.090 This is what I love about our text today we're not the first generation to struggle with this. 00:10:18.090 --> 00:10:21.440 So let me just paint the scene here. 00:10:21.681 --> 00:10:27.732 We've been going through the book of Acts and for the last several weeks we've been following the journey of the apostle Paul in Barnabas. 00:10:27.732 --> 00:10:33.267 They've gone throughout the ancient world, from city to city, town to town, preaching the gospel. 00:10:33.267 --> 00:10:37.000 They're now finished with that first missionary journey. 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:37.561 Do you know? 00:10:37.561 --> 00:10:41.751 They've traveled, in two years, about 1,400 miles together by foot. 00:10:41.751 --> 00:10:48.961 It's wild. 00:10:48.961 --> 00:10:49.361 What have they seen? 00:10:49.361 --> 00:10:51.830 Well, from town to town, as they preach the gospel, they've seen revival break out in cities. 00:10:51.830 --> 00:10:53.114 That's cool. 00:10:53.114 --> 00:11:00.528 They've seen thousands of people come to the saving knowledge of Jesus, and so they've celebrated all of these great victories together. 00:11:00.528 --> 00:11:07.404 They've also, you know, they've gotten each other through some hard times, because it wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows, this journey. 00:11:07.404 --> 00:11:08.928 What happened? 00:11:08.928 --> 00:11:10.801 Well, the traveling was very dangerous. 00:11:10.801 --> 00:11:13.187 They had to deal with lions, tigers and bears. 00:11:13.187 --> 00:11:14.511 There you go. 00:11:14.511 --> 00:11:25.044 Really, it was very, very dangerous traveling conditions, rough terrain, bandits and wild animals, terrain, bandits and wild animals. 00:11:25.044 --> 00:11:41.336 And so, as they traveled, you know they'd get to a city and then you know they experienced persecution, stoned, maligned, and they were there for each other and they've stood together and they've helped each other. 00:11:41.417 --> 00:11:57.697 The point is, you know, paul and Barnabas seem, up to this point, to be like peanut butter and jelly grippos and beer cheese. 00:11:57.697 --> 00:12:02.461 Come on, somebody, l8 and Everything. 00:12:02.461 --> 00:12:03.003 Right answer, right answer. 00:12:03.003 --> 00:12:03.927 So, because they're so close. 00:12:03.927 --> 00:12:04.730 Here's what happens, guys. 00:12:04.750 --> 00:12:14.793 We get to verse 39, and I want you to read this and there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. 00:12:14.793 --> 00:12:16.985 Isn't this wild? 00:12:16.985 --> 00:12:28.561 After all that they've been through, they have this intense dispute, but here's the crazy thing, they don't do a good job with handling it. 00:12:28.561 --> 00:12:32.889 It's so bad that they have to split up. 00:12:32.889 --> 00:12:40.113 And I love this because, you know, the Bible is so honest, both in the Old Testament and New Testament. 00:12:40.113 --> 00:12:46.340 It reminds us that the early church, you know, was not made up of superhuman people Beloved. 00:12:46.340 --> 00:12:54.054 These are ordinary men and women that God used in a profound way, which ought to give us great encouragement. 00:12:54.054 --> 00:12:57.509 Because how many have messed up in the area of conflict management before? 00:12:57.509 --> 00:12:59.264 How many have done that this week? 00:12:59.264 --> 00:13:00.469 Let's just be honest, all right. 00:13:02.221 --> 00:13:07.893 So through this text, I want to help us in this, because this will change your life. 00:13:07.893 --> 00:13:12.630 I mean, what would your marriage look like if you learn to handle conflict better? 00:13:12.630 --> 00:13:17.471 What would your church relationships look like if you can manage conflict well? 00:13:17.471 --> 00:13:21.067 And so let's unpack what's going on here. 00:13:21.067 --> 00:13:24.169 So I'll take you back to Acts, chapter 13. 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:27.725 You remember, paul and Barnabas are with a bunch of believers in Antioch. 00:13:27.725 --> 00:13:30.552 They're having church, they're praying and they're fasting. 00:13:30.552 --> 00:13:31.301 And what happens? 00:13:31.301 --> 00:13:33.485 The Holy Spirit speaks. 00:13:33.485 --> 00:13:40.264 And the Holy Spirit leads the church to call out and to send out Paul and Barnabas on this journey. 00:13:40.264 --> 00:13:44.472 Well, paul and Barnabas, they know it's going to be a long and hard journey. 00:13:44.472 --> 00:13:45.961 So they say well, we need some help. 00:13:45.961 --> 00:13:49.750 So they recruit this man by the name of John Mark. 00:13:49.750 --> 00:13:55.208 Now, you need to know this John Mark is the cousin of Barnabas. 00:13:55.208 --> 00:13:58.153 Might be some nepotism here, I'm not sure. 00:13:58.153 --> 00:14:03.225 So John Mark goes with Paul and Barnabas on this journey. 00:14:03.306 --> 00:14:07.072 And then in Acts, chapter 13, verse 13,. 00:14:07.072 --> 00:14:20.227 Here's what happens John Mark decides, pretty close to the front of this mission, and I'm done, I can't handle this, I'm out, and he goes to his mommy's house back in Jerusalem. 00:14:20.227 --> 00:14:21.684 That's what happens. 00:14:21.684 --> 00:14:26.831 And he abandons Paul and Barnabas in their time of need. 00:14:26.831 --> 00:14:29.988 So here comes the dispute. 00:14:29.988 --> 00:14:37.011 They're now done with that first missionary journey and they're getting ready to retrace their steps to go back and disciple the churches. 00:14:37.011 --> 00:14:40.965 And so, before they set out, look at verse 37. 00:14:41.245 --> 00:14:42.067 Here's the argument. 00:14:42.067 --> 00:14:58.750 Now, barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark, his cousin, right, but Paul thought it best not to take with them the one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. 00:14:58.750 --> 00:15:04.427 You'll remember that Barnabas's name means son of what Encouragement. 00:15:04.427 --> 00:15:12.633 So here's the thing here is that Barnabas is concerned about the person, but Paul is concerned about the mission. 00:15:12.633 --> 00:15:15.083 And you say well, which is right. 00:15:15.083 --> 00:15:16.587 And I would just say they're both right. 00:15:16.587 --> 00:15:22.626 I believe we serve a God of second chances, but I also believe that we need people in ministry we can count on. 00:15:22.626 --> 00:15:27.417 Come on, so they begin arguing about this. 00:15:27.417 --> 00:15:35.861 So here's the good they do confront the problem, but I would argue they don't confront the problem in the right way. 00:15:39.149 --> 00:15:43.779 Conflict resolution hear me, it demands confrontation. 00:15:43.779 --> 00:15:50.681 You've heard me say this love demands confrontation, love demands confrontation. 00:15:50.681 --> 00:16:11.683 We have got to love in the church each other enough to confront one another when there's a problem, because how else are we going to grow, how else are we going to change, how else are we going to repent if we're not brave enough and loving enough to confront one another in those conflicts? 00:16:11.683 --> 00:16:20.143 You know, proverbs 27, 6 says Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. 00:16:20.143 --> 00:16:37.442 I don't know about you, but I am so grateful that I have a few people in my life who don't just tell me what I want to hear, but will speak into my life in love and tell me the truth when I need to hear it most, especially when I might be going astray. 00:16:37.442 --> 00:16:43.081 So Paul and Barnabas confront one another, but they don't do it in a perfect way. 00:16:43.081 --> 00:16:51.880 So I want to just quickly give you a few principles for how to confront people in the right way that's going to help you at home, at church, at work, everywhere you go. 00:16:51.880 --> 00:16:59.182 And the first is this healthy confrontation must be counterbalanced with encouragement. 00:16:59.182 --> 00:17:05.980 It must be counterbalanced with consistent encouragement. 00:17:06.039 --> 00:17:07.570 Here's what I love about this text. 00:17:07.570 --> 00:17:15.623 Do you know, when you read the story of Paul and Barnabas, this is the first record of a major dispute between these two men. 00:17:15.623 --> 00:17:27.318 They've been together for now over two years, and they have loved each other and encouraged each other and supported each other, and that is so important. 00:17:27.318 --> 00:17:29.101 Jesus. 00:17:29.101 --> 00:17:32.952 How many of you know that Jesus occasionally rebuked the disciples, especially Peter? 00:17:32.952 --> 00:17:34.317 He was always in the woodshed. 00:17:34.317 --> 00:17:35.861 Come on, anybody relate to Peter? 00:17:35.861 --> 00:17:38.673 Peter was always in the woodshed. 00:17:38.673 --> 00:17:51.925 But here's the great thing Peter didn't have to doubt God's love, jesus' love for him, because Jesus, by and large, spent the majority of his time pouring in and encouraging and blessing these disciples. 00:17:51.925 --> 00:17:59.983 And that is so important that we get this balance of positive and negative interactions right. 00:18:01.210 --> 00:18:03.980 There's a leading researcher on marriage and relationship. 00:18:03.980 --> 00:18:14.760 His name is John Gottman and he found that the healthiest relationships have hear this five positive interactions to one negative interaction. 00:18:14.760 --> 00:18:17.933 Did you get that? 00:18:17.933 --> 00:18:23.432 Married people, you ought to be having one fight for every five positive interactions, all right. 00:18:23.432 --> 00:18:34.559 So Dr Jordan Peterson, he kind of springboarded off Gottman's research and he talked about this within the context of marriage. 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:36.155 And here's what his research found. 00:18:36.155 --> 00:18:45.260 He said that in marriage, if the positivity ratio falls below 5 to 1, the relationship itself just becomes a negative experience. 00:18:45.260 --> 00:18:56.211 And maybe that's like if you're at home and you're fighting all the time, like that's horrible for you, it causes marital dissatisfaction and, by the way, it's horrible for your kids. 00:18:56.211 --> 00:19:03.692 So he says that you know, you've got to have at least this five to one positivity ratio. 00:19:03.692 --> 00:19:15.278 But here's what's interesting Do you know that if the ratio extends above 11 to 1, that your marriage is in threat of falling apart? 00:19:16.931 --> 00:19:22.824 Like if you don't have one argument disagreement for every 11 positive interactions. 00:19:22.824 --> 00:19:24.675 That's a sign your marriage is in trouble. 00:19:24.675 --> 00:19:25.519 And you say, well why? 00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:37.382 Well, some confrontation is necessary to deepen the relationship, to cause resilience and to grow. 00:19:37.382 --> 00:20:02.198 Like I know, you think that you want a spouse whom you never spar with, but research shows the healthiest marriages are made up of two people who speak truth and have overwhelmingly positive interactions, but aren't afraid of those negative interactions that they do spar every now and then, and that is how the relationship deepens and how it grows. 00:20:02.258 --> 00:20:03.901 Are you with me? 00:20:03.901 --> 00:20:08.682 Here's the point that I want to make here Don't think of conflict as being a negative thing. 00:20:08.682 --> 00:20:12.017 Don't have a fight this week and go oh, our marriage is over and this is horrible. 00:20:12.017 --> 00:20:13.141 We're not meant to be together. 00:20:13.141 --> 00:20:18.397 But also don't be petty, okay. 00:20:18.397 --> 00:20:25.874 So everybody, listen to me Women, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag your husband all week, all right. 00:20:25.874 --> 00:20:31.832 And man, I'm not giving you permission to go home and nag at your wives all week. 00:20:31.832 --> 00:20:34.538 Had to throw that in there, get me out of hot water. 00:20:34.538 --> 00:20:37.230 So here's the thing, guys. 00:20:37.230 --> 00:20:40.415 This is not a call to every little. 00:20:40.415 --> 00:20:49.576 You know every time we're bugged or irritated at all that we got to sit down and have this long drawn-out conversation or speak our mind. 00:20:49.576 --> 00:20:50.298 It's not that. 00:20:50.298 --> 00:20:57.178 But when there are true concerns, true problems, we need to love each other enough to deal with those. 00:20:57.178 --> 00:21:01.251 And then this means also we've got to be very intentional about our positive interactions. 00:21:02.935 --> 00:21:04.377 1 Thessalonians 5.11,. 00:21:04.377 --> 00:21:07.483 Encourage one another and build one another up. 00:21:07.483 --> 00:21:10.634 So in the church, how are you going to handle problems when they arise? 00:21:10.634 --> 00:21:13.441 How are you not going to leave when you get your little feelings hurt? 00:21:13.441 --> 00:21:18.082 I'll tell you how, because you're going to be intentional about encouraging one another all year. 00:21:18.082 --> 00:21:23.319 So when one thing happens with somebody, it doesn't break you. 00:21:23.319 --> 00:21:25.083 Are you with me? 00:21:25.083 --> 00:21:35.893 Healthy confrontation also has to be approached with humility, and here's what that means. 00:21:35.893 --> 00:21:38.760 Number one you own your part of the conflict. 00:21:38.760 --> 00:21:40.715 You own your part of the conflict. 00:21:41.178 --> 00:21:42.222 You know John Mark. 00:21:42.222 --> 00:21:46.740 We don't know why he abandoned Paul and Barnabas, but we do know this. 00:21:46.740 --> 00:21:54.883 You can look at this later, but Acts 12, I believe verse 12, is the first mention we have of John Mark, and we find out that he's still living with mama. 00:21:54.883 --> 00:22:03.230 She has a house in Jerusalem and she often houses and holds meetings for the church leaders there in Jerusalem. 00:22:03.230 --> 00:22:11.141 But John Mark, he was old enough to travel, but he was still young enough where he could still live under mother's roof. 00:22:11.141 --> 00:22:17.114 His father had passed away at this point, so scholars estimate he was probably between 17 and 25 years old. 00:22:17.114 --> 00:22:19.337 And so here's what I wonder. 00:22:19.337 --> 00:22:26.035 It is certainly on John Mark that he abandoned Paul and Barnabas. 00:22:26.035 --> 00:22:29.781 He made a commitment and he didn't hold up to it. 00:22:29.781 --> 00:22:32.433 That's wrong, not excusable. 00:22:32.694 --> 00:22:34.583 However, I thought about this week. 00:22:34.583 --> 00:22:37.291 I thought I wonder what Paul and Barnabas brought to the table. 00:22:37.291 --> 00:22:41.661 I mean, here's a guy, he's a kid, he's inexperienced. 00:22:41.661 --> 00:22:49.757 I'll tell you this One of the worst things that ever happened to me in my life is that I was invited to be a pastor at 22 years old. 00:22:49.757 --> 00:22:59.092 I was called but I wasn't ready, and I wonder if Paul and Barnabas should have used a little more wisdom. 00:22:59.092 --> 00:22:59.913 And so you know what? 00:22:59.913 --> 00:23:01.980 I don't know if John Mark's ready yet. 00:23:01.980 --> 00:23:04.053 Maybe he needs some training, preparation. 00:23:04.473 --> 00:23:05.355 But here's the other thing. 00:23:05.355 --> 00:23:11.092 So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1 and following, but here's the other thing. 00:23:11.092 --> 00:23:14.799 So, going back to Acts 13, verse 1, and following that, the church hears from the Holy Spirit that two men are to be sent out. 00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:15.842 Who are those? 00:23:15.842 --> 00:23:16.723 Paul and Barnabas? 00:23:16.723 --> 00:23:18.731 Notice who's not there. 00:23:18.731 --> 00:23:25.104 I just wonder if it wasn't the Lord's will for John Mark to go. 00:23:25.104 --> 00:23:27.733 We don't know, but here's the point. 00:23:28.895 --> 00:23:37.141 I wonder how this conflict or this confrontation would have gone if Paul or Barnabas simply said you know what? 00:23:37.141 --> 00:23:42.159 Some of this is my fault, what John Mark did, you know. 00:23:42.159 --> 00:23:42.720 Here's the thing. 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:49.170 This is something I've learned, that you know in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table. 00:23:49.170 --> 00:23:50.594 You know, in most conflicts, both parties bring something to the table. 00:23:50.594 --> 00:23:51.772 It's the fault of Now. 00:23:51.772 --> 00:23:52.375 So here's the thing. 00:23:52.375 --> 00:24:00.471 It might be 95% the other person's fault, but you want, you know, confrontation that goes well. 00:24:00.471 --> 00:24:01.234 Here's what you do. 00:24:01.234 --> 00:24:02.990 Great tip you. 00:24:02.990 --> 00:24:11.596 Before taking the speck out of your brother's eye, you remove the log in yours, you say hey, I'm sorry for this part. 00:24:11.596 --> 00:24:14.560 You know you own your 5%. 00:24:14.560 --> 00:24:18.431 And then you address the 95% of the other person Are you with me? 00:24:18.431 --> 00:24:19.733 Take that at me, all right. 00:24:21.479 --> 00:24:27.698 So humility, you know it says maybe I done some wrong here, but it also involves listening. 00:24:27.698 --> 00:24:33.720 How many of you have ever been in an argument, maybe this is you and the person you can tell they're not listening to you. 00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:35.537 They're just waiting to respond. 00:24:35.537 --> 00:24:40.713 They cut you off and you can see they're even look. 00:24:40.713 --> 00:24:42.720 You know how you can tell somebody's kind of looking to the side. 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:44.813 They're just ready, man, they can't wait for you to stop talking. 00:24:44.813 --> 00:24:50.142 So they can, you know, go right back and come right back with something more intelligent. 00:24:50.142 --> 00:24:51.904 You know, let me read you. 00:24:51.904 --> 00:24:54.057 Well, you know this verse James 1, 19. 00:24:54.057 --> 00:25:01.884 Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger, how you doing. 00:25:01.884 --> 00:25:05.153 Proverbs 18, 2. 00:25:05.153 --> 00:25:06.117 I love this verse. 00:25:06.570 --> 00:25:21.059 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. 00:25:21.059 --> 00:25:31.232 You know, a lot of people confront problems to win, to win an argument. 00:25:31.232 --> 00:25:34.730 If that's the reason you confront a problem in your marriage, or at church or at work, listen, none of you win. 00:25:34.730 --> 00:25:41.334 Confronting a problem is not about winning, it's about finding a solution, it's about negotiating. 00:25:41.334 --> 00:25:45.583 So healthy confrontation is approached with humility, but it's also, you know, what? 00:25:45.583 --> 00:25:47.845 Do you notice anything missing from this text? 00:25:47.845 --> 00:25:50.666 What don't Paul and Barnabas do? 00:25:50.666 --> 00:25:54.920 They don't pray. 00:25:54.920 --> 00:25:58.990 They don't pray. 00:25:58.990 --> 00:26:03.134 No-transcript is to pray with that other person. 00:26:03.134 --> 00:26:10.396 Cover that confrontation in prayer and I'll say this it's really hard to yell and scream at somebody. 00:26:10.396 --> 00:26:19.461 You've just prayed for Healthy confrontation that also keeps emotions in check. 00:26:19.461 --> 00:26:20.864 I'm going to step on some toes right here. 00:26:20.864 --> 00:26:22.652 Look at verse 39 again. 00:26:22.652 --> 00:26:29.924 And there arose a sharp disagreement so that they separated from each other. 00:26:29.924 --> 00:26:34.582 Now I want you to really notice, maybe underline that phrase sharp disagreement. 00:26:35.269 --> 00:26:40.142 The English translation doesn't convey the force of the phrase in the Greek. 00:26:40.142 --> 00:26:43.700 The Greek word is pyroxosmos. 00:26:43.700 --> 00:26:48.615 Yeah, I totally said that correctly. 00:26:48.615 --> 00:26:57.820 All right, that's where we derive our English word paroxysm, which means a sudden outburst. 00:26:57.820 --> 00:26:59.163 Did anybody use that word this week? 00:26:59.163 --> 00:27:07.663 So in the medical field, a paroxysm is a sudden worsening of symptoms. 00:27:07.663 --> 00:27:15.423 In an emotional state, it is a sudden outburst of feelings, particularly of anger and rage. 00:27:15.423 --> 00:27:18.858 Anybody have an emotional paroxysm this last week? 00:27:18.858 --> 00:27:21.575 All right, I don't blame you for not raising your hands. 00:27:21.575 --> 00:27:23.330 So here's the point, guys. 00:27:23.330 --> 00:27:27.571 This is crazy for not raising your hands. 00:27:27.571 --> 00:27:28.113 So here's the point, guys. 00:27:28.113 --> 00:27:28.413 This is crazy. 00:27:28.433 --> 00:27:33.392 Paul and Barnabas, these great missionaries in church planters they're the one you know, paul, who wrote two-thirds of our New Testament. 00:27:33.392 --> 00:27:35.155 They blow up. 00:27:35.155 --> 00:27:37.560 Does that not make you feel good? 00:27:37.560 --> 00:27:42.594 I mean, honestly, it's crazy to me. 00:27:42.594 --> 00:27:45.980 And what's so funny about this is Paul himself. 00:27:45.980 --> 00:27:57.143 In Galatians 5.19, remember, he's through 21, he's listing the works of the flesh and in the works of the flesh he lists fits of rage. 00:27:57.143 --> 00:28:05.402 And Paul himself must look back to this event and go man, I really botched that situation. 00:28:05.402 --> 00:28:09.634 He's the one who says in Ephesians 4, speak the truth in love. 00:28:09.634 --> 00:28:13.461 In Ephesians 4, 26, be angry and do not sin. 00:28:13.461 --> 00:28:21.179 Which reminds us guys, it's okay to be angry, but don't let anger control you. 00:28:22.811 --> 00:28:27.800 The great Billy Graham said hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. 00:28:27.800 --> 00:28:32.478 You know what uncontrolled outbursts do? 00:28:32.478 --> 00:28:39.594 They lead you from attacking the problem to attacking the person Dangerous. 00:28:39.594 --> 00:28:44.862 And the aim, what is the aim of healthy confrontation? 00:28:44.862 --> 00:28:47.946 It always aims at reconciliation. 00:28:47.946 --> 00:28:54.143 And that's the tragedy in verse 39 is that they separated, they separated. 00:28:54.911 --> 00:28:59.289 You know I've had people say to me, you know well, you know they've been in maybe marriage counseling or something. 00:28:59.289 --> 00:29:05.443 And a guy will say to me you know, I'm miserable, but I'm going to stay married because I don't believe in divorce. 00:29:05.443 --> 00:29:06.751 I'm just going to stay. 00:29:06.751 --> 00:29:12.258 You know, we'll just kind of stay away from each other, but your covenant isn't just to stay married. 00:29:12.258 --> 00:29:20.280 What is it To love and to cherish, to honor, to respect, to stay together for better and for worse, to take care of each other. 00:29:22.114 --> 00:29:29.019 See, when you have it out with your spouse maybe there's an extended season of conflict it's not enough to say, well, we're going to stay married. 00:29:29.019 --> 00:29:31.198 That's not pleasing to the Lord in and of itself. 00:29:31.198 --> 00:29:33.016 He wants you to stay married. 00:29:33.016 --> 00:29:37.999 But beyond that, he's saying you know what we're going to do, whatever we can to be reconciled. 00:29:37.999 --> 00:29:40.377 And that is the same in the church. 00:29:40.377 --> 00:29:44.031 Listen to me, please, listen to me please. 00:29:44.031 --> 00:29:51.058 95% of the time, my experience in church ministry, almost without fail. 00:29:51.058 --> 00:29:54.402 Somebody gets their feelings hurt and they leave. 00:29:54.402 --> 00:29:57.785 Now, even if you leave, here's what I would say. 00:29:57.785 --> 00:29:59.807 First of all, I wouldn't leave for that reason. 00:29:59.807 --> 00:30:07.619 But secondly, you better deal with the conflict before you leave, because the way you leave here is the way you'll enter the next church. 00:30:07.619 --> 00:30:14.480 We always ought to be reconciled. 00:30:17.353 --> 00:30:18.682 Now, here's the beauty of the story. 00:30:18.682 --> 00:30:19.205 Do you know that? 00:30:19.205 --> 00:30:26.657 Eventually we know that Paul and Barnabas reconciled because Paul affirms his ministry in 1 Corinthians 9, 6. 00:30:26.657 --> 00:30:30.738 And John Mark even gets on Paul's good side. 00:30:30.738 --> 00:30:35.852 So in 2 Timothy, paul is writing his letter while he's on death row. 00:30:35.852 --> 00:30:39.200 And here's what he writes to his apprentice Timothy. 00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:40.931 He says Luke alone is with me. 00:30:40.931 --> 00:30:48.183 Get Mark, that is, john Mark, and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me. 00:30:48.183 --> 00:30:54.422 The Bible commands us to pursue reconciliation. 00:30:56.810 --> 00:31:00.303 Now let me make one more point before my closing. 00:31:00.303 --> 00:31:18.759 It's this let's just read these last two verses Verse 39, the second part Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and departed, having been commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord, and he went through Syria and Cilicia strengthening the churches. 00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:22.192 Here's what I love, I believe, with all my heart. 00:31:22.192 --> 00:31:29.123 Paul and Barnabas failed miserably in this episode, but ministry continued. 00:31:29.123 --> 00:31:30.865 Ministry continued. 00:31:30.865 --> 00:31:37.922 And here's what I want you to know, beloved Listen, some of you have messed up royally in this area or another area. 00:31:39.391 --> 00:31:41.778 We all fail, but today's a new day. 00:31:41.778 --> 00:31:52.442 God's grace is sufficient and I would just say, particularly when it comes to conflict, don't let past hurts keep you from moving forward in what God has called you to do. 00:31:52.442 --> 00:32:10.163 You know, there are people who have been wounded by another church member or even, sadly, a pastor, before and now they're sitting at home or maybe they're in church, but they're guarded and they're isolated lest they become vulnerable and open themselves up to hurt again. 00:32:10.163 --> 00:32:30.376 This, friends, listen, this confrontation and reconciliation, it's not optional, and here's the thing it's not even ultimately about you, it's about the Lord Jesus Christ In 2 Corinthians, 5, 18 and 19,. 00:32:30.376 --> 00:32:39.903 It says all this is from God, who, through Christ, reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. 00:32:39.903 --> 00:32:45.760 Do you know that the greatest reconciliation every human being needs is reconciliation with God? 00:32:45.760 --> 00:32:53.284 And the Lord Jesus Christ came in fact, by his own life to reconcile us to the Father. 00:32:53.284 --> 00:33:03.041 And for those of us this is what Paul is saying here, for those of us who have been reconciled we are to also give this message of reconciliation to others. 00:33:03.041 --> 00:33:13.614 In other words, we're to preach the gospel, but the gospel but the gospel it's very clear in scripture doesn't just reconcile us to God, but it reconciles us one to another. 00:33:13.914 --> 00:33:19.531 And how can we preach a message of reconciliation when we can't even get along amongst ourselves? 00:33:19.531 --> 00:33:27.144 So I'm going to ask you this week, very easy, do you mind to come up? 00:33:27.144 --> 00:33:30.696 Very easy, I want to give you a task here. 00:33:30.696 --> 00:33:38.683 It is If you've got a conflict that you've not addressed, address it this week and address it in love. 00:33:38.683 --> 00:33:39.794 And you say how can I do that? 00:33:39.794 --> 00:33:40.637 Here's the great thing. 00:33:40.637 --> 00:33:42.817 What I've preached today is not easy. 00:33:42.817 --> 00:33:49.758 I know it's not even a shouting message, it sounds more like a self-help message. 00:33:49.758 --> 00:33:53.069 But it's the Bible and it's something we need. 00:33:53.069 --> 00:33:59.537 Because here's the thing this will revolutionize all of your relationships if you apply what I've preached today. 00:34:01.186 --> 00:34:03.054 But this you're not alone in this. 00:34:03.054 --> 00:34:05.053 What do you need to make this happen? 00:34:05.053 --> 00:34:06.691 You need the Holy Spirit. 00:34:06.691 --> 00:34:10.014 Because what do you need to confront somebody in love? 00:34:10.014 --> 00:34:12.492 You first of all need boldness and courage. 00:34:12.492 --> 00:34:20.697 Well, haven't we seen that through the book of Acts, people are filled with the Spirit and they're all of a sudden courageous and they're bold. 00:34:20.697 --> 00:34:24.492 But you don't just need boldness and courage. 00:34:24.492 --> 00:34:25.295 What else do you need? 00:34:25.295 --> 00:34:30.335 Kindness, love, gentleness, patience. 00:34:30.335 --> 00:34:32.219 Sound familiar? 00:34:32.219 --> 00:34:35.554 That's the fruit of what the Spirit. 00:34:35.554 --> 00:34:37.331 You're not alone in this. 00:34:37.331 --> 00:34:40.213 This takes the Holy Spirit to accomplish. 00:34:40.213 --> 00:34:46.331 So you pray, you saturate everything in prayer that you do, especially when it comes to conflict. 00:34:46.331 --> 00:34:50.356 You seek God and you yield yourself to the Spirit and he's going to help you in this. 00:34:50.356 --> 00:34:56.431 So this week, man, make it right with somebody and do it quickly. 00:34:58.306 --> 00:34:59.331 I'll close with this story. 00:34:59.331 --> 00:35:03.434 There's a book called. 00:35:03.434 --> 00:35:04.137